Paul McGann and the Seven Doctors
[Rating: General
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Length: Medium
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Genre: VERY Silly
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Word count: 895 ···
Completed: Yes]
First Doctor -Grouchy
Second Doctor- Silly
Third Doctor- Jumpy
Fourth Doctor - Buggy
Fifth Doctor - Cutey
Sixth Doctor - Snappey
Seventh Doctor- The table
**Paul McGann walks in with pretty dress and apron**
Paul: "Oh no Snappey! Not the chainsaw"
Snappey: *Puts down chainsaw.*
Table: *Sighs in a scottish manner of releif.
Buggey: *grins and twirls scarf.*
Cutey: "Thank goodness you got here in time. Care
for a game of cricket?"
Grumpy: "Young ragamuffin."
Grouchy: *Grabs lapels.*
Buggy: *Twirls scalf more vigerously*
Paul: *Over Grouchy's 'old days' speil* "Oh do
stop lecturing us, dear Grouchy."
Jumpy: *Gets into miniture plane and swoops about the
room*
Snappey: "UNSTABLE!" *Yells at Paul* "This
is as stable as I'll ever be!" *Starts up chainsaw
and heads again for the table*
Silly: "Oh my giddy aunt!"
Buggy: *Continues to twirl scarf and grins*
Snappey: "I'll give you a giddy aunt!" *Shoves
Silly's recorder up his bottom*
Paul: "Stop it! All of you!" *Is drowned out
by Jumpy's plane*
Silly: *Farts happy birthday*
Table: *Picks up spoons and taps along*
Cutey: *sings* "Happy cricket to you!"
Paul: "I need an asprin really badly."
Grouchy: "In my day we didn't need asprin!"
Buggy: *Twirles scarf*
Jumpy: *Steers plane into Paul's head*
Paul: "Oww!" *Collapses onto table*
Snappey: *cut's off Paul's leg* "Oops!"
Grouchy: "Young people!"
Buggey: *Teeth fall out from grinning, scarf is now
blur*
Silly: *Farts verdi's requiem*
Cutey: "Oh dear me!" *Rocks on heels*
Snappey: "I CAN'T STAND IT!" *Swipes at Cutey
with chainsaw*
Jumpey: *Swoops past and grabs Cutey, flying them to
safety*
Cutey: *Amazingly rocks on heels mid-air*
Jumpey: "Golloping godzoids! You're very good at
that!"
Table: *Helpfully lowers Paul into nearby bed and stops
the bleeding.*
*Chainsaw runs out of fuel*
Snappey:*Grabs Paul's leg* "Stay back!"
Buggey: *Is lifted of ground by twirling scarf, flutters
out the window. Nose drops off from over-grinning.*
Cutey: Who's for a game of cricket?
Silly: *Gets to climax of Verdi's requiem and accidentally
blows roof off*
Buggey: *Now 100m above house, leg drops off*
Snappey: *Catches leg* "Now I have two! Ahahahahah!"
Grouchy: *Ineplicably melts into carpet*
*All pause to look at Grouchy-puddle. Puddle glows.
Turns into a second Silly*
Silly1: *Farts greeting*
Silly2: *Shoves own recorder up bottom and joins in*
Buggey: *Head falls off*
Cutey: *Stamps foot* Cricket!
Snappey: "I'll give YOU cricket!" *Throws
leg at Cutey*
Cutey: *Dies and turns into another Snappey*
Jumpy: *To table* "Quick, Jo, the-" *is interrupted
by falling Buggey who has regenerated into cutey*
New Cutey: "Hello. Anyone up for cricket?"
Table: "Alright then,"
*Cutey and table play cricket in corner.*
Paul: "Groan..." *wakes up, notices leg is
missing* "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!"
Snappey (1 & 2): Heheheheh....
Jumpey: *looks at reader* Tune in next time for another
exciting episode! *Cue ads*
Well guess what…It’s part two! Ahahahahahaahah!
Jumpey: *looks at reader* And now for something completely
different
*All pause. Nothing changes.*
Snappey (1 and 2): "UNSTABLE!"
*Second silence.*
Cutey: *Hits ball into outfield* “Ooh look! This room
has an outfield!
Paul: “Where did my leg go?”
Silly 1: *Farts the Hoob’s ‘Where?’ song*
Paul: *Sees that snappey 1 has his leg* “You little-”
Buggey: *Leg falls onto Jumpey’s plane. Jumpey falls
on top of Snappey 1*
*All watch as Jumpey turns into Buggey and Snappey turns
into another table*
Table 1: “Hello!”
Table 2: “Hello!”
Paul: *Looks at the asprin in his hand doubtfully.*
“Do these things have hallucinogens in them?”
Buggey: *Twirls scarf far to fast*
Snappey: “Bloody hallucinogens!” *Begins to punch Paul’s
remaining leg*
Paul: “Oww!” *Falls onto table 1*
Table 1: “Heeey! I’m trying to play cricket!”
Buggey: *Grins so widely hair falls out in clumps, beggining
to rise in the air*
Cutey: *Amazingly frozen mid-bat, ball included, rocks
on heels*
Snappey: "Great gumblejack! Your very good at that!"
Table 1: *Helpfully lowers Paul into nearby bed and
stops the bleeding.*
Table 2: "Didn't you do that before?" *Is
interrupted by the Silly's duet of 'We know him too
well'*
Cutey: *Zooms in circle, Matrix style then continues
game of cricket with tables*
Buggey: *Is smushed by passing jet engine*
Table 2: "Is it raining?" *Nearby raindrop
grins at him and twirls fragment of scarf*
Silly 1: "Tweet!" (Translation= "Who's
for a game of cards?")
Silly 2: "Tweet!" (Translation= "Ok")*Joins
Silly 1 in game of cards*
*Raindrops turn into glowing puddle*
Random falling bowl of petunias: "Oh no, not again!"
Silly 1: *Is hit on head by falling random bowl of petunias
and falls into glowing puddle*
Silly 2: "Tweet?" (Translation= "Huh?")
*Cricket game stops, tables peer at puddle*
Puddle: *Glows*
Table 1: "That puddle is glowing,"
Snappey: "Yes, it is."
Puddle: *Continues to glow*
Silly: "Tweet!"(Translation= "It's still
glowing!")
Paul: (in sleep) "Yes. A glowing puddle."
Puddle: "Oh look, I'm glowing."
Cutey: *Puts hands in pocket* "That you are."
Puddle: "I guess I should stop soon."
Table 1: "Yes."
*Puddle stops glowing and turns into a Jumpey with petunia's
growing from his ears and wearing nothing but a loincloth
with 'I love cricket' written on it*
Ex-puddle: *looks at self* "Tweet..." (Translation="How
odd...")
Table 2: "Why do you still have that recorder up
your bottom?"
Ex-puddle: "Tweet. Tweet!" (Translation="I
don't know. I rather like it though.")
Cutey: "You are very odd."
Snappey: *Grabs scissors* Aha! *Cuts off Paul's other
leg*
Paul: "Groan..." *wakes up, notices other
leg is missing too* "Ahhhhhhhhh!!!"
