The Brigadier's
New Clothes
[Rating: General
···
Length: Medium ···
Genre: Humor ···
Word count: 722···
Completed: Yes]
He turned around experimentally, peering over his shoulder
until the human skeletal systems limitations stopped his
head falling off. The mirror followed suit, helpfully
displaying the grimace on his face as he cricked his neck
uncomfortably. Rubbing the pained joints with the hand
that wasn’t holding his shiny new swagger stick, he decided
he needed a second opinion.
Did this new uniform make him look fat?
Certainly he had thought the previous one had enlarged
his buttocks somewhat, but his helpful little time lord
had happily informed him that it was a very nice bottom,
and that it should be shown off at every opportunity.
Well, she would be disappointed with this one, he thought
almost gleefully, because until I sit down you can’t see
a thing!
Giving up his mirror-bound musings, the Brigadier walked
behind his desk and reached for the middle draw of the
oversized filing cabinet that sat in his office. In the
locked bottom draw were all his confidential files, nicely
ordered and decorated in crayon by the short time lord
that lived in the draw above. She had told him that it
was dimensionally transandental, her TARDIS in fact, but
he was still convinced she just folded herself up and
slotted into the cramped rectangle.
The top draw was filled with reserve swagger sticks,
should something happen to the one he was holding, and
a couple of cloths for polishing them. This occurred more
frequently than anyone else suspected, but Alistair prided
himself on his shiny sticks. When he was trained, he often
dreamt of his own swagger stick, and he still gloated
at being able to have one now without people laughing
at him. The little time lord however didn’t count as people
and often laughed at his waving it about. She thought
he was obsessed with them. Never, he thought, absently
polishing his current one with the hem of his new uniform.
After the stick of swagger was cleaned to his satisfaction,
he pulled open the little time lord’s draw and shouted
into it incoherently until her grinning face appeared
inches from his nose.
“Hello Briggy!” She yelled happily as her arms too appeared
and encompassed him in a crushing hug.
“Hello…” He gasped. Thankfully she let go and climbed
out of the draw. He closed it with a thump and quickly
stepped back before she tried to hug him again. Not that
he really minded, but Yates may barge through the door
and finally have proof that…Well, I’d better not think
about that, Alistair thought with grim satisfaction. My
little secret, and all that.
“So, why do you disturb my slumber dear Lethbridge-Stewart?
Has the Doctor buggered off when some nasty blob is trying
to eat your troops again?”
“No, not this time. I just wondered what you thought of
my new uniform.”
She skipped around him, narrowly avoiding the desk’s
deceptively sharp corners. She stopped at his right and
poked the swagger stick.
“Ehe. Not obsessed you say- look at the shine!” she didn’t
bother pulling it from his grip and just grabbed his hand
and waved it about until it caught the light.
“Weee!” she giggled until he pulled his arm away.
“Well?” He was getting impatient now. He had to go brief
various troops about their latest mission against green
blobs that bullets had no effect on and that were being
helped by people who were being hypnotized by a computer.
“Very nice. Very green. Very uniformey. How do you get
it off?” She answered superficially, frowning at the complex
belt buckle thingy.
“Seriously!” he was very near to stomping on her foot.
She walked around him again, stopping behind him.
“Your bottom! Your lovely lovely bottom! What have you
done with it!?” She grabbed at the hem of the coat and
pulled it up.
“Ah, there it is…’Tis a tragedy to hide,” she let go of
his coat and wrapped her arms around him again.
“But it is a very cuddly material. Yes, I think this uniform
will do bu-ut do up that belt a bit tighter or it will
make you look fat.”
Just then there was a sharp nock on the door. Without
another word she let go of him and climbed back into her
draw. Reassured, the Brigadier tightened his belt slightly
before answering the insistent tappings. |
