Gettin' to know 'er
| Within the inky blackness, the bushes stirred in a faint breeze. Even the moon hid behind a thin smokescreen of cloud. A tall figure, clothed in a black swirling cloak and grey robes stopped to get her bearings. Two points of reflective glass glinted in the suffused moonlight. As the moon decided to peek upon the disc, so she quoth �Oh bugger.� Her brown- booted foot had sunk into a patch of mud. Glaring down her long nose at it, she crossed her arms. The mud seemed to shrivel away apologetically, leaving the boot spotless. �I should think so too.� She quipped and strode on her way. On most, a large pointy hat boasting a dormant pair of goggles and tied under the chin with dark grey cloth would seem silly. However on her, she looked silly without them. Her grey hair pulled tightly into a bun further complemented her sharp face and frowning brow. The moon, now fully confident, had rid itself of its cloud coat and was strolling confidently across the sky. A small squadron of bandits, confident as well, were hiding by a track, hoping to ambush a passer by. Not being of the area, they did not realise just how unwise this was. |  |
 | There was three of them- one on each side of the road and another up a tree. �I believe we �ave found some luck, lads.� The tree bound one whispered down to his fellows. �An old lady, respectable lookin� like, is coming our way. Be ready for some easy pickin�s.� The more appropriate thing to say, as any local would have known, would have been; errr, guys, I think we�d better try our luck somewhere else. Be ready to be trampled like a hedgehog under an elephant�s foot. �Who�s there!� Her voice sliced toward them, more command then question. �Are you sure we should go through with this? I mean, she sounds kinda� tough.� Quavered the thug on the left of the track. Climbing down the tree, the boss snorted. �Sounds kinda� tough! She,� He pointed down the path to the slowly approaching figure, �Is one old lady, alone and unarmed. We, on the other hand, are probably ten times as strong as her with maces to boot.� �Uhhh, yeah boss.� Was the reply. �Answer.� She called again, now less then 100 paces away. �Your worst nightmare.� Growled �the boss�, stepping out from the shadows. He was disappointed to find that, rather then he being the taller, she was able to look down at him. From his parts, he was one of the tallest but now, he did not dwell on this. She was thin, like a broom pole and stood as if her spine was one. He, on the other hand, was very, very thick, both in mind and muscle. �I think you will find,� She said, stopping about three steps before him, �that I am the worst thing the darkness can harbour, thankyou very much.� �Really?� he glowered and his two thugs, both shorter but thicker then him. �Let me pass.� �Not until ye give us some�tax, like.� Raising her eyebrows, she crossed her arms. �No-one bars my way.� Her voice seemed to boom about the forest, commanding and strong. To his surprise, he found his lackeys had bolted into the bushes and were now running full-tilt to the nearest town. Growling, he pulled out his mace. �I don� like playing games, Mrs.� He pulled his arm back, ready to strike at her stomach. The woman calmly re adjusted her hat and stood, arms by her side. As he brought his mace down, he suddenly felt a sharp pain in his hand. Dropping the mace with shock, he looked up to see her cleaning a long hatpin on her cloak and restore it to its proper position, kicking his mace into the bushes. �Oh no you don�t Mrs.� He, either very brave or stupid (perhaps both) abandoned hope of retrieving his weapon and grabbed her arm. Suddenly the world around him seemed to shift, time and matter twisting. He found himself hanging, mid air and unable to move, in front of her tall hat. �Its Ms.� She stated, lingering on the second letter. As she walked on, he fell to the ground, only to scramble up and run in the opposite direction. |
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Granny Weatherwax looked at her sister witches. Gammer Bevis she couldn�t stand; the old woman taught at the school on the other side of the mountain, and had a nasty habit of being reasonable when provoked. And old mother Dismass was probably the most useless sibyl in the history of oracular revelation. And granny could not really be having at all with Granny Ogg, who was her best friend.
�trousers!?� �There not exactly the same as ordinary-� �And there�s men `ere lookin�,� said Granny, �Its shameful!� �What is?� said Nanny Ogg, coming up behind her. �Magrat Garlik, standin� there bifurcated,� said granny, sticking her nose in the air. �Just so long as she got the young man�s name and address,� said Nanny Ogg aimiably. �Nanny!� said Magrat �I think they look quite comfy,� Nanny went on. �A bit baggy, though.� �I don�t �old with it,� said Granny. �Everyone can see her legs.� �No they can�t,� Said ny. �the reason being, the material is in the way.� �Yes, but they can see where her legs are,� said Granny Waetherwax. �That�s silly. That�s like saying that everyone�s naked underneath their clothes,� Said Magrat. �Magrat Garlik, may you be forgiven.� Said Granny Weatherwax. �Well, it�s true!� �I�m not. I�ve got three vests on.� |  |
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