Chapter 12: Endings and Beginnings

Magic items of numerous descriptions littered the top of Spike's sarcophagus, replacing the sheets and blankets that now lay in an unceremonious heap on his comfortable chair. Two pentagrams adorned the crypt floor, surrounded by various intricate symbols, all drawn meticulously by Tara and Willow. The two now decorated the designs with candles, crushed herbs, and talismans.

Spike paced restlessly. The witches had long since given up on him fetching items for them. Not that Angel was of much help either. Spike's nervousness seemed to have worn off on the other vampire as he now ran his hands nervously through his hair.

"You're not having second thoughts are you, mate?" Spike asked Angel for the third time that afternoon.

Angel shook his head. "I'm just concerned for you, Spike." He looked half surprised to hear the words come out of his own mouth. "My demon has fought with another demon for the possession of my body before. It was a short fight."

"Eygon," Willow said, remembering. She glanced at Spike. "Tara's going to try to give him some magical support."

"I won't let Angelus get me," Spike said. "I can't. This is too important." He snorted. "Besides I can't wait to get that wanker back for Dru. Having to watch him paw her, knowing what he was doing…" The last came out mostly grumbled.

"I know Spike." Angel cleared his throat, but his voice still came softly. "I'm sorry he did that to you."

Spike blinked; almost unsure he actually heard that. "S'okay. Not your fault." He was just as uncomfortable hearing it as he knew Angel was saying it, but for some reason his snarky comments weren't coming to save him from the unpleasant situation. What the Hell was wrong here? His nerves must really be frazzled if he couldn't even think of an annoying comeback. Something happen already, he thought. What answered his silent plea for help was a sudden commotion at the door.

“Spike, where are you?” Dawn yelled as she burst into the crypt. The door slammed so hard in her wake that it smacked with a dull thud against the crypt wall.

Practically cringing at the sound of her entrance, Spike muttered, “Bloody hell.” He should have known better than to tempt fate. Be careful what you bloody wish for and all that rot.

He could tell by the tone of Dawn's voice this was not a social call. She knew. Still, he had to try, didn’t he? Attempting to appear casual, he put a smirk on his face. “Hey Dawn, over here.”

Before Dawn reached him, he gave his companions a quick look to communicate that he wished to take care of the situation. Then he waited for her to cross the crypt floor.

She stomped over to him. “Don’t you ‘Hey Dawn’ me, Spike!” She glared at him, not even acknowledging anyone else in the room, perhaps not even noticing them. “How could you do this to me?” Her voice quavered, and her eyes reflected betrayal.

“Dawn...” Spike began, his voice catching.

“No! Don’t even try. You weren’t even going to tell me. You were just going to leave me.”

“I’ll still be here. In a way.”

“But you won’t be you.”

“Look, here, I’ll still...” No he had to tell her. It was true, so it shouldn’t be hard, even though he could feel three extra pairs of eyes staring at him. In the end, though, he muted it, only expressing part of what he was feeling. To do more would be too much, too difficult, too heart-wrenching. “I’ll still... care about you, Dawn.”

Dawn slapped him. “I hate you.” Her eyes narrowed and her lips curled in contempt.

Spike stood in shock, his blue eyes reflecting a pain that a demon shouldn’t be capable of. He looked as if his heart had been shattered.

Dawn turned in a flash, her hair flying violently. Then she ran. Spike snapped out of his shock in time to halt her flight before she could reach the door. With her determination, only his inhuman speed made it possible.

“Please, Nibblet, let me explain,” he begged her.

“What can you possibly say that would explain this?” Her eyes flickered fire.

“I couldn’t lose her again.”

“What are you talking about? Buffy’s not going anywhere.” Her eyes widened. “She’s not dying. S-she isn’t, is she?” Her last question came out with a note of panic, and Spike figured that her emotionally taxed brain had made an illogical leap.

“No, Bit, but it doesn’t take dying to lose someone.”

“Cryptic much? Come on, Spike. Spit it out. Just tell me what you mean. You’ve always been straight with me, told me stuff when no one else would. Don’t stop now. You owe me that.” Her eyes dared him to deny it.

Spike sighed in defeat, and put his hands on her shoulders. “I can’t go back to the way things were between Buffy and I. Not now, Bit. It’s too late for that. I’ve had a taste...”

“You bit her!” Dawn interrupted, horrified, but then she shook her head. “No that doesn't make sense...” Her eyes widened in sudden understanding. “Oh, my God! You’re boinking Buffy!” She pushed his hands off her shoulders.

“No, I’m not ‘boinking’ her...” he started, then rolled his eyes. “Well, at least that’s not how I feel about it... Alright, but she’s the one boinking me,” he said lamely, and knowing it was so, he continued quickly. “It was an accident...” And promptly dug himself deeper.

Dawn narrowed her eyes and gave him a look that said I’m not that stupid.

Spike sighed again. “That’s how I’ve lost her. She can’t accept... She broke it off, okay? Said she wanted me, but she couldn’t love me, that she was just using me, and that it was killing her.”

After a moment, Dawn made a face, and her attitude changed abruptly. “Boy, is she... I mean even I know you don’t dump a guy like that, and I haven’t even had a boyfriend yet. Well at least a living one that didn’t end up a pile of dust. I mean guys are sooo fragile. You can’t just...”

She didn’t get to finish, because Spike couldn’t help it. After hearing her words, he started to chuckle.

“Okay, getting weird now,” Dawn said.

Spike stopped abruptly and returned his hands to her shoulders. “Don’t let anyone ever convince you that you don’t understand things, Dawn.”

“Well, duh,” she said, but she was smiling.

Spike smiled back. “But you see now. She’ll never let me back in...”

“And you can’t be just her friend anymore, now that you know what you’d be missing. Yeah, I get that.”

He touched a finger to her temple. “See, smart.”

She frowned a little. “But you could be wrong. Given time...”

He shook his head and placed a palm against his chest, letting his other arm fall limply to his side. “Vampire, remember? Evil." He dropped his hand from his chest. "I can’t trust myself to be patient. I can’t take the chance that I might hurt her. This way, I can’t. She’ll be safe. From me.”

“Spike, you’d never hurt her,” Dawn protested. “I mean, God, you let Glory torture you so Buffy wouldn’t be hurt. So I wouldn’t...” But his look and the gentle shake of his head, made her stop her words.

“Love’s a funny thing," he replied. "And desperate men do desperate things.”

“I trust you,” Dawn said simply.

“Yeah, but I don’t trust myself. This way, I know I can’t hurt her, and I’ll still be able to love her. She can be happy. Have someone she loves...”

“But Spike...”

He shook his head softly, once, his eyes telling her that his mind was made up. The pain on his face was palpable. He looked like he had all that he could take, like he had lost everything with no other hope of finding solace. And there was something else. Resignation.

“She’d make you stay away from me, too,” Dawn said knowingly, almost as a whisper.

Spike said nothing. He knew he didn’t have to.

Dawn’s mouth twisted a little, as if she were making an effort not to cry, then she took in a deep breath through her nose and exhaled slowly through slightly parted lips. Spike watched her sad eyes move over his face as if studying him, but he didn’t move or attempt to hide from her gaze. Instead, he tried to let his love for her show in his expression.

 

Dawn could see his emotions, always could see them plainly written in his eyes. How Buffy had missed it for so long would always remain a mystery to the younger sister. “Change,” she said softly after a moment.

Spike’s brow furrowed in confusion.

“I want to remember all of you.”

Nodding in understanding, Spike blinked slowly, once, in acquiescence, then he let his face shift into his demon features.

“Eewww,” Dawn said, but she smiled at him, eyes twinkling, to show him that she was teasing him.

“Very funny, Bit,” Spike replied while Dawn moved a tentative hand towards his demon face. He gently bit the tips of her fingers playfully when she moved them to touch his mouth then let them go. He didn’t hide his fangs, smiling instead, and she returned the smile as she traced her fingers lightly over his extended canines. Spike kept eye contact as she peppered her fingers softly up his cheekbone, then lowered his lashes when she reached the ridges on his forehead. Softly leaning his head into her touch, he made a small sound, like a contented growl. After a moment, his eyes opened again, the color slowly changing from gold to blue as she took her hand away, and his features shifted back into his human face.

Her smile turned sad as she looked at him. “I’ll miss you so much.”

 

The three other occupants of the crypt stared at the surreal scene that played out in front of them. The exchange between the young woman and the vampire could have been erotic, but it wasn’t. Tara couldn’t help but think of a father playfully nipping at the fingers of his small daughter as she explored the planes and features of his face, trying to learn its nuances. Spike was showing the same affection and patience with Dawn’s touch. Without turning her gaze away, she said to her companions, “that was either very sweet or very disturbing. I’m not sure which.”

“I think it was both,” Willow replied, similarly not taking her eyes from the two.

“I’ll vote for disturbing,” Angel added.

Spike turned his gaze on the three, breaking the spell. “Well, what are you people staring at? Are we going to do this or what?”

*********

Warren didn't like the demon's plan. It was too vague. A good plan had to have a specific goal and a specific method to achieve that goal - like his plan. He’d wanted Buffy gone, so he had intended to shoot her. Buffy would be gone, dead, goal achieved. According to Gnash's plan, the Slayer would be dead eventually, maybe, but there could be many potential outcomes in the aftermath. He particularly didn't like the idea of perhaps having this demon Angelus running around. That was the type of unpredictability that sounded dangerous; kind of like having Darth Vader as your ally. All good and fine until The Dark Lord decided he didn't need you anymore.

Furthermore, the plan seemed to require him doing most of the work; including being teleported to Spike's crypt at the crucial moment. After having done it once with the demon already, Warren had decided that mode of transportation was not as cool as television had made it appear. Shows like "Star Trek" always made it seem benign, like nothing could go wrong, and you just continued on your merry way. Who would have guessed that wimp, Barclay, on "The Next Generation" was right? Teleporting was an unnerving experience - with your body's molecules flying through space and time and having to be kept together as they went, hopefully in the right order. Warren had certain parts of him he didn't want to lose. He shivered.

Gnash's grunt brought him out of his thoughts. The demon pointed to the statue he'd been frequently consulting for the past day and a half. "It's almost time," he said with malicious glee. "They are finishing the spell preparation right now."

A taloned hand beckoned Warren over to the scene in the statue's eyes. "Who is this pretty, little morsel?" He asked as he pointed to the teenage girl who hovered on the edge of the scene.

"The Slayer's sister," Warren answered.

"Lovely," Gnash commented. "How would you like to have her as a reward for helping me? I could make her yours."

A grin graced Warren's face. She was a little young, but definitely attractive and innocent, and oh the things he could teach her. He hesitated a moment until the demon said, "She's old enough to be ripe, yet young enough to mold to your will. To make her subservient. Just how you like your women to be."

Warren felt a cold finger go up his back. How could this demon know that? He looked at the image of Dawn again, and almost unconsciously felt himself nodding. His grin returned. He almost hoped the Slayer lived long enough to know he'd have her sister.

*********

Tara took one last look at the preparations and sighed. There was nothing more to be done. Twilight was falling, and the magic energy felt right. Stalling now would be counter-productive.  She looked at Spike, knowing that he would understand.

The vampire nodded and went over to an alcove in the crypt, returning with two sets of shackles. "Come on, mate. It's time." He motioned Angel towards one of the pentagrams.

He looked at Spike with mild surprise, as if noticing for the first time that the pentagram had been positioned in close proximity to a large metal ring in the wall. "I have to be in chains?" he asked, but it was more of a statement than a question.

"Damn straight," Spike replied. "Thought that would be obvious. I will be too." He gestured to the pentagram he would occupy which was similarly placed near a restraining ring on the adjacent wall. "Can't take any chances in case something goes wrong. Speaking of which…" Putting down the sets of shackles, Spike crossed to his weapons chest.

Tara knew what he would remove even before he hefted the crossbow out of it. She couldn't hide her surprise, however, when he brought the weapon to her. "Spike I c-couldn't."

He pushed it firmly into her hands. "Yeah you could. And you will if something goes wrong. Do us both if you have to. You reset it like this." He took the weapon back and showed her twice, likely realizing that she was still rejecting the idea during his first demonstration. Then he handed the weapon back to her. "Go on. Get the feel of it." He wouldn't leave her side until she lifted the weapon and sighted it, finally nodding his approval when she did. "Keep it handy," he told her.

Spike glanced at Dawn, who had been quietly sitting on the window bench. She withdrew the stake from the back of her jeans and showed it to him. He nodded. "Don't be scared, Bit, but if trouble comes, you run, okay?" Dawn nodded back.

"Shouldn't she go home?" Angel asked.

"No," Dawn protested. "I want to be here."

"It's dark. Sun was setting when she got here. Buffy'd kill me if I sent her home alone in the dark," Spike replied as he moved into his pentagram.

Tara watched Willow follow him. The vampire held his hands out for her easily, but the look on his face told Tara he was going to give her lover at least a little bit of a hard time. Her girlfriend had already shackled Angel during the crossbow demonstration.

"Another time, not so long ago, Red, and this…" Spike began with a purr when she locked the first manacle around his right wrist.

"Don't you even say it," she interrupted him in playful warning as she yanked the second manacle and chain through the large ring on the crypt wall, then locked the cuff around his left wrist.

He raised his eyebrows at her, and gave her a naughty smile. "But I can think it."

She raised her finger at him and said "Shh, or I won't help you. Or better yet I'll tell Buffy and let her beat you up."

Angel scoffed from his pentagram. "That would only encourage him. Ignore him. He's just anxious."

"Am not," Spike protested then sighed. "Alright, a little bit."

"Good, because this is serious," Tara said, trying to bring the focus back to her. She wasn't entirely comfortable with the responsibility, but it had been given to her, so she would handle it her way. Her tension eased as Willow moved to her side.

"I'm here, Baby," she said quietly, soothingly. "For Buffy," she encouraged.

Tara nodded. "Alright, just like we practiced." She began to chant as Willow lighted the candles.

*********

Gnash watched the progression of the spell, waiting for the perfect moment to send Warren. He had seen the four spell participants practicing the day before and knew how fragile the incantation was. His original spell was sensitive enough to begin with, but now with the changes, even an oaf like Warren could upset the delicate balance.

Inwardly he snorted. The boy had almost backed out on him. Until he offered the girl, that is. Humans were so easy to read, so predictable, and this one was hedonistic enough to manipulate easily. It hadn't taken long to find something to tempt him with. That and he still thought he would be around to enjoy the fruits of his revenge. Knowing the vampire and his allies as he did, Gnash doubted that, but if this Warren was arrogant enough to believe he could go into the lion's den with two witches and two vampires, so be it. He was sure to get what he wanted whether or not Warren made it out alive, and it would surely be fun to watch, no matter which outcome came to pass.

*********

Willow could feel the power in the room, and she tried to keep the sensation from exciting her. Oh, how she missed that feeling, but she pushed the thought down. Focus. She had to focus on the woman beside her who needed her now. Listening, she tried to translate where they were in the spell. Tara always had been better at Latin than she was, but she managed to figure it out in her head. This was the part of the spell that bridged the vampire’s minds. The idea was that while they were fighting, Tara would prepare to bind the soul, and as soon as Spike had defeated Angelus, she would say the words to cement that binding. The beginning effects would be there, allowing Angel to separate from his demon, but without the final words, the binding wouldn’t be complete. Besides the finality of the crossbow, this was the only tenuous recourse they had should something go wrong. And if Angel were to be bound to Angelus instead of Spike, there would definitely be something wrong.

As Tara completed the chant to keep their minds linked, Willow could feel her need for more power, so she reached out her hand to her lover’s. Lost in her concentration, Tara was unaware of the offering until their fingers touched then Tara looked at her in question before accepting. The effect was instantaneous. Apparently feeling the infusion immediately, Tara began the second part of the spell with renewed energy. Willow ignored the aching in her body as the energy was taken, not realizing before now that getting drained was even more uncomfortable than doing the magic itself. She would persevere. Besides, whatever she was feeling couldn’t be as bad as what was happening across the room.

*********

As Spike felt the first effects of the spell, he remembered why he hated magic so much. Suck it up, mate, he told himself. You wanted this. He opened his mind and accepted the magical power Tara offered him then he focused and waited. As a vision slowly came into his mind, he was at first confused. He hadn’t been sure what he’d expected, but this surely wasn’t it. It was like he could see himself in his head, and sure enough, he wasn’t alone.

The rage came without hesitation. He may have been muzzled by the chip, but that didn’t extend to demons and surely not to the demon now in his sights. Spike had worried that he might hesitate, that he might have some residual feeling for this demon who had taught him how to be a vampire, but he focused on the pain of losing Drusilla to him and the hate came almost immediately. He roared in his head and charged.

*********

Angel almost panicked. With the curse in effect, his demon had always been kept in the cage; there but subdued, controlled. Except that one time before when the presence of the other demon had somehow let it out for a moment to battle for what was it’s territory. This was like that time, only worse.

He figured that it must be the effect of the spell, but Angel could already feel him and his demon separating a bit, and even stranger still, he could see it and himself in his mind. Then he heard an inhuman but familiar roar and knew it was about to get very crowded and violent in his head.

*********

Warren put the gun in his pocket and waited for Gnash to send him to Spike’s crypt. He was to charge in and disrupt the proceedings, thereby upsetting the delicate balance of the spell. If he had to shoot one or more of the people involved to achieve that desired result, so be it, the demon had told him, but hopefully his disturbing the spell would be enough.

Gnash hadn’t told him exactly what would happen as a result of these actions, and Warren had a feeling the demon didn’t even know himself, but he was positive that it would be bad for them and good for him. Warren wasn’t exactly sure where he fit in all this. He only knew he had little choice. The unpleasant sensations that told him he was about to be teleported were already coursing through his body.

*********

Pain was there, but it was inconsequential. All that mattered was tearing his enemy to shreds. He couldn’t be defeated. Giving up wasn’t an option. It was the last conscious thought he had before he succumbed to the primal fury of the fight.

*********

Angel could feel the pain, but only vaguely, as if it were coming through a filter. He saw his demon and Spike fighting, and knew the injuries he should feel, but the pain didn’t translate. It wasn’t focused or connected to the injuries he saw on the demons in front of him. And perhaps that disassociation was what allowed him to see that something was wrong.

Beyond the demons, the light that had allowed Spike to come through was getting smaller, like an iris closing. He knew somehow that this was the link between their minds and that without it, without the strength of the connection to his body, Spike’s chances against Angelus would decrease. Realization came to him. Tara was losing the spell somehow, and Spike was not going to be able to defeat Angelus in time. Mustering all the courage he could, he fought through the haze and barreled towards the two demons, rejoicing as Spike knocked his demon down just as he reached them. Angel mentally grabbed the other vampire and lunged for the receding tunnel of light.

*********

Willow didn’t hear the words Warren shouted into the crypt. All she saw was the gun. The gun aimed at Tara. Instinctively she reacted, the power rushing back into her. Unaware of Tara’s gasp, she threw her free arm forward and the words came without effort. Energy crackled from her fingertips, hurling Warren across the room. He landed in a heap against Angel’s limp body.

It took a moment for the vampire to react, but no one moved in that time, each either too weary or shocked to react before the vampire did. He shook his head as if clearing it and his eyes focused. “Here let me help you up there,” he said as he hauled Warren upright.

Dawn squeaked as Angel’s fangs descended and bit into Warren’s neck. Tara’s eyes widened, but she couldn’t move, her body drained. “Willow,” she pleaded, “do something. I can’t…” But Willow wasn’t listening. Her black eyes remained focused on the now screaming Warren, and had anyone been looking at her face, they might have seen the slight smile on her lips.

*********

Tara watched, horrified, as Angel dropped the now lifeless Warren to the crypt floor. “God, I don’t know what you witches did to me, but I feel great!” he announced. He pulled on the shackles binding his wrists as if he was just now truly noticing them. “Could do without these though. How about letting me out?”

“Like we’d be dumb enough to do that,” Dawn said. “You’re not Angel.”

“Oh and what was your first clue?” he retorted mockingly. “Could it be - gasp – that I actually did something a vampire would do?” He wrapped the chains around his arms. “Don’t bother to get up. I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Shoot him now,” Spike said, his voice coming out raspy. “He might get out.”

Tara shook herself out of her lethargy, picked up the crossbow, and aimed. Her shot was actually good considering her weakness, but the vampire was faster. He dodged, the only reason the crossbow hitting him at all being that the chains he’d wrapped around his arms had restricted his movement. He grunted as he pulled the bolt from his arm. “Well thanks for playing pin the stake in the vampire, but you missed, and I have places to be.”

“You’re not going anywhere,” Willow said.

“Oh yeah, and what are you going to do to stop me?”

“This,” Willow said as she stretched her arms out to the sides. “Goddess Hecate, give me strength!”

“Oh and I’m supposed to be impressed…” He broke off as Willow threw light from her hands in his direction, chanting furiously.

Angelus pulled the chains frantically, finally breaking them from the metal restraint, but that was what Willow had been waiting for. As soon as he was free she shouted a final command and the light expanded into a portal. Angelus only had time to scream “No!” before the magical doorway swallowed him up.

 

Willow slumped to the floor, nose bleeding, but her eyes remained open. “He should know better than to say something like that to a witch.”

“Honey, are you all right?” Tara asked.

“I’ll be fine, just give me a second to get up here.”

Spike cleared his throat. “I didn’t know how strong you’d become, so neither did he. Otherwise he would have been more wary of you.”

Tara gave him a funny look. “Yes you did, you…”

“That’s not Spike,” Dawn said softly, then raised her voice. “Spike doesn’t talk like that.”

Tara looked at him, reaching out with her mind, and she could see the aura, she could feel the soul. “But that’s not… how did you…?”

Spike’s head tilted. “I saw the connection closing. I had to make a choice.”

“Where’s Spike?” Dawn asked in panic. “Is he…”

“He’s here too.”

“You sure?” Willow said as she shakily got to her feet. “What I sent through the portal could have been Spike.” She decided to sit instead when her legs were still wobbly.

Spike’s face turned, his fangs and brow rides forming. “Ah, now I’m insulted, pet. I have better taste than that.” He indicated Warren with a flick of his thumb. “You need more convincing, I could tell them about that fuzzy, pink number with the lilac underneath.” He cupped his palms upward and waggled his fingers suggestively.

Willow squeaked. “That’s Spike.”

“I could’ve told you that, Sweetie. I can see him now,” Tara told her.

“Well then, you better help me up,” Willow replied, smiling up at her. “I guess we have a binding spell to finish.”

Chapter 13: Gains and Losses

 

Wait a minute, Dawn’s internal voice warned. Her brain was still trying to process the dead guy on the floor and the fact that Spike and Angel were both in Spike’s body. Never mind the not-so-small problem of where Angelus went. And now Willow wanted to continue with the magic when the energy from her last display still lingered like static electricity in the air? The fact that Willow was still on the floor with a nose bleed just seemed like a sparking, downed power line after the tornado had blown the house away; an obvious and redundant sign that all was not well in Kansas anymore. She couldn’t be the only one who saw it?

 

“Y-you can’t do the rest of the spell now,” she finally managed to blurt out. “You’re all… drained.”

 

“But we have to,” Willow protested, her mouth a placating smile. “It won’t take too much. It’s already started.” She carelessly wiped the blood from beneath her nose with the cuff of her shirt sleeve.

 

“If you need to rest,” a still in vamp face Spike added. “We can wait.” Then he rolled his eyes, and muttered under his breath.

 

“I-is something wrong?” Tara asked.

 

Spike quirked his mouth around his fangs. “The Poof is complaining in my head. I told him to sod off and be patient.” He snorted. “Would you quit… Fine.” He sighed. “He says it’s important,” Spike snarked. His ridges and fangs receded and eyes turned back to their original blue.

 

Dawn found it odd to watch. Even his posture seemed to change, though she couldn’t place what the difference was exactly. When he spoke, though, she knew it was Angel and not Spike. “Are you sure the timing isn’t important? The style of the spell reminds me of some of the prophecies we’ve looked at on our scroll, and the way some of the words refer to dark and light remind me of…”

 

“References to twilight and dawn,” Tara interrupted. “Yes, I saw that too. And you’re right. There is a little timing involved. That’s why we did the spell when we did. Twilight, representing the end of the curse’s hold, and dawn…”

 

“Being when the effect of the merger will take place,” Willow finished. “The new beginning.”

 

Angel nodded then scoffed.

 

“What?” Dawn asked him, knowing Spike had said something. She smiled. “What did he say?”

 

“That it sounded awfully symbolic and poetic for a spell,” Angel supplied.

 

Dawn raised her eyebrows and smirked.

 

“Only not quite that nicely,” he added.

 

“Well, spells in themselves are already quite poetic and literary if you think about it, with all the rhyming and repetition of themes, and…” Willow trailed off when Tara touched her arm. “Okay not so much of interest right now,” she conceded. “With the time constraints.”

 

“I thought it was insightful,” Angel said with a small smile before his face turned, the look of annoyance indicating his new alter ego was having a good time pestering him.

 

Dawn just knew she would’ve loved to hear Spike’s comment. She missed him already. “But we have almost 9 hours before sunrise,” Dawn pointed out. “We should be fine.

 

Glancing at her watch, Tara said, “Oh. It’s only 9:15. It seemed so much later. I guess the spell took it out of me.”

 

“But that explains why the danger then,” Willow pointed out. “Because well, in that time, Angelus could have done a lot of damage if he took over.”

 

“Yes,” Angel agreed. “And you better not get any ideas either,” he said to Spike, both in his head and out loud. Then he rolled his eyes, explaining, “He just oh-so-politely pointed out that we are in his body, therefore we have a chip.”

 

“That’s right,” Tara said. “That may take some getting used to for you. Not that you go around hurting people,” she pointed out hastily.

 

“The chip doesn’t designate between good and bad humans though,” Dawn added with some concern, “so you may have to be a little more careful.”

 

“And we’ve seen him get zapped,” Willow said. She shook her head. “It doesn’t look fun.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

 

The conversation came to an abrupt halt with seemingly nothing left to say, and Dawn could feel the discomfort in the room. Willow fidgeted with the paper that held the spell. Tara stared into her lap as she sat on the floor beside Willow. Angel looked around the crypt at nothing in particular. Dawn almost sighed in relief when she got an idea.

 

“How about I go let Spi- ah, Angel out of the chains while you guys rest?” she offered.

 

“It should be okay now that they are both in Spike’s body and Angelus is gone,” Willow conceded.

 

“Where did you send Angelus by the way?” Dawn asked as she retrieved the key. Willow’s mention of the vampire had reminded her of her earlier concern.

 

“Someplace nasty,” Willow said perkily. “Not exactly sure where. A general address of a group of hell dimensions though. I’m sure he’ll be very happy there.”

 

On her way to Angel, Dawn noticed Warren’s body and hurriedly grabbed one of Spike’s sheets to cover it, shivering as she did so. She then quickly moved to Angel and unlocked his wrists, watching him as he looked at his hands strangely and turned them over as if he’d never seen them before. Which, she guessed, in a way he hadn’t. At least not as part of himself. She turned apologetic eyes to him.

 

“It’s gonna be weird, huh?”

 

“A little,” Angel said with his usual dose of understatement.

 

Hearing Willow take a deep breath, they both turned eyes on her.

 

“I think I’m ready,” she announced, then looked at Tara with s small apologetic smile. “Are you ready?” At Tara’s nod she added, “If you want to do it alone…”

 

“We can both do it,” Tara answered, taking Willow’s hand.

 

Maybe it was only her imagination, but Dawn thought she noticed a hint of trepidation in Tara’s voice; a note of concern that maybe Willow was slipping back into her old ways too easily. Dawn hoped it was only her imagination. She didn’t want to see a return of the Willow she saw that night of the car accident. She took a breath and reminded herself, it’s only a little spell, then watched as the witches completed the merging.

*******

Gnash growled in frustration as he watched the scene play out in the statue’s eyes. Fine, he thought. If Spike wanted a soul so badly, well now he had one. Happy torment to him. That stupid Angel just had to figure it out at the last minute. If he hadn’t transferred himself and demon Spike into Spike’s body, the loss of connection would have surely meant the traitor vampire’s defeat, and Angel might have been stuck with Angelus forever. Of course they might have staked him as soon as they found out.

 

He sighed. Perhaps this was better in a way. Sure Angelus was somewhere in an alternate dimension, but Gnash had experience with those as well as dimensional travel. With the right spells, he’d find the vampire eventually. Then he could bring him back. When no one would expect. After they’d forgotten all about him. The demon smirked. After a stint in a hell dimension with time to stew about it, Angelus was likely to be good and angry when he got back. That’d be just fine with Gnash. Perhaps this hadn’t gone so badly after all.

*********

Power sucked and surged all around him, making his body feel like it was being battered back and forth amidst the crackling energy. He’d been through dimensional upheaval before, but never quite like this. It was going on too long with too much power, and he saw more than one dimension flash by him as he was pulled along through the rift. Finally he seemed to slow, getting a good look at on odd sight before he flashed through one last rift and landed in a heap on a hard surface.

 

With a low growl, Angelus sat up. In front of him, an eerie reddish cast glowed on a horizon which held nothing discernable but jagged, barren rock against a ruddy sky. The sky itself similarly held nothing familiar - no sun, clouds, moon or stars that he could discern. Perhaps that glow on the horizon came from a setting sun, or maybe the light just emanated from the rocks themselves. Well, he’d find out soon enough he guessed. Perhaps a better question was - where the hell was he? Wherever it was, it didn’t look promising. There didn’t seem to be any other creatures in sight. He sniffed the air then, catching the scent of other beings somewhere. Not recent, but there. The vampire smirked. This would be no Girl Scout picnic, but he’d make do for now until he could find his way back somehow. Besides it was certainly better than that last dimension he’d plowed through. What the hell had been with all the shrimp anyway?

*********

 

Buffy moved a hank of her hair to her nose and inhaled as she walked into the living room. ”Unh,” she exclaimed, shutting the door behind her. An extra long shower would be required to get the grease and Double Meat Palace smell out of her hair. She listened to see if anyone was home, sighing when she heard no familiar rustlings from Willow or Dawn. Recalling a conversation from breakfast that morning, Buffy guessed her sister had decided to go to her friend Terry’s after all. Weird that she didn’t take her backpack though, Buffy thought when she caught sight of the indispensable teenage accessory leaning against the wall by the front door. Her brain filled with big sisterly ire. If Dawn isn’t doing homework at Terry’s, she better be home by ten or… no going to the mall for a month. She nodded her head in satisfaction at the thought. It was time she took responsibility for disciplining her sister.

 

Buffy moved into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator, groaning at the thought of eating anything substantial at this time of night. She settled on a yogurt, thankful that someone had gone shopping, and ate it as she headed upstairs.  As soon as the yogurt cup was emptied, she practically clawed the uniform off her body and threw it into a corner of the bathroom. “This job will do stuff to you, Buffy,” echoed in her brain, complete with British accent.She ignored the memory and turned the water on. All she wanted was to wash it all away, wash everything away, and for the next half hour that’s what she tired to do.

*********

“I don’t feel any different,” Angel said to Willow. He tried not to look concerned, but was sure he was failing miserably.

 

“That’s okay,” Willow told him, her voice almost too confident. “I felt it happen.” She turned to Tara for confirmation, and the other witch nodded succinctly.

 

“You likely w-won’t feel the entire effects until dawn. You’ll be in a kind of limbo until then. Neither one of you in control until the spell completely binds you together. But Willow is right. I felt the magic go through us. Your soul and Spike’s demon are tethered together, and the effects will be complete as soon as the sun rises.”

 

“What’s going to happen then?” Angel asked. “What will… What will Spike feel?”

 

“We can’t be entirely sure of that,” Willow said. “He’ll be there somewhere, but how much control he’ll have if any…” She shrugged. “It will likely be like it was before with Angelus but with a little more affect from Spike because of the binding and all.”

 

Nodding, Angel turned his head to see Dawn staring at him with a slightly annoyed look. He’d though he felt the tingle of a penetrating teenage stare. “Dawn,” he began.

 

“I should be getting home,” the teen interrupted with a huff. “Buffy will be worried about me.” She moved towards Willow and Tara in anticipation of a departure.

 

“He made me promise to visit you,” Angel mumbled.

 

Dawn gave him a weird look. “What?” she almost laughed.

 

Angel cleared his throat. “He made me promise to visit you,” he repeated. “So he could visit you. At least once a month. A weekend.”

 

Dawn’s eyes started storming over, and she likely would have gone off on a teenage rant if Angel hadn’t let Spike take over. He watched the teen’s face change as she saw the ridges and fangs come forward.

 

“Nibblet, now don’t be like that. I intend to keep that promise.”

 

The resolve on Dawn’s face crumbled, and she fell wordlessly into his arms. Spike held her awkwardly at first, but then with more conviction, rubbing his cheek against the top of her head. It was odd to Angel that he was the one more uncomfortable with the embrace than the demon. Then he felt some pain as the teen squeezed him tighter. “Oi, Bit,” Spike complained. “Not quite up to snuff yet, and you’re stronger than you look.”

 

And it was true. There were no outward physical manifestations on Spike’s body from the fight he’d had with Angelus, but there were aches and pains in the appropriate places. Perhaps the only consolation seemed to be that the broken ribs had pretty much healed themselves. Angel thanked whatever powers gave them accelerated healing that at least this was the case.

 

“Sorry,” Dawn said sheepishly as she backed off, and once again joined Tara and Willow. Both looked tired and drawn. “I’ll hold you to that though. You’ll be sorry if you don’t visit. I’ll make sure of it.”

 

Spike smiled around his fangs. “I have no doubt, pet.” Then he turned to the women. “You guys go home. Rest. I’ll let you know if something odd happens come sunrise.”

 

“Not unless you want to be a crispy critter,” Willow pointed out. “We’ll come by to check on you, okay?”

 

Nodding, Spike changed back into Angel, almost with little thought. “Make sure that you get enough rest first. That’s the most important thing. Just in case something bad does happen, you’ll need to be at full strength.”

 

“Nothing bad will happen,” Willow assured him. “I felt it. The magic worked. I know it did.” She nodded emphatically then frowned and pouted, her hand cradling her obviously aching head. “Rest now,” she said forlornly.

 

Tara couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah, we’ll rest.”

 

“I’ll take care of… of…”

 

“Warren,” Dawn supplied for Angel.

 

“Put him near the entrance… no the east wall gate. We’ll call it in anonymously in a few hours,” Willow said. They all knew the police wouldn’t ask any questions. Such was the norm in Sunnydale.

 

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Tara told him, giving him a smile as the three moved towards the crypt door. “We’ll get all this magic stuff then.”

 

Angel watched them go then sat to rest for a moment. He’d need a bit of time to recover before he took on the task of removing Warren’s body.

*********

One towel wrapped snuggly around her body, Buffy rubbed her hair with another towel while bitch-slapping that little voice in her head that told her using two towels was an unnecessary burden on the laundry. Ha! She’d use them both at least twice more before throwing them in the wash. Use of two towels justified, she though triumphantly. Once finished with her hair, she hung that towel on a hook on the back of her door and moved towards her bed to grab the pajamas from beneath her pillow. Being dressed for bed would add just that much more impact when she scolded Dawn for being late. Never mind that she’d have to redress to patrol around midnight or so. She felt like using troll logic today so… Her forehead crinkled as she noticed a note on the bed. That hadn’t been there before.

 

She read the first part of the note quickly, but her mind stumbled over the part that mentioned Angel and binding his soul. She read that part twice more, a knot forming in her stomach. Oh, God. What does this mean? It’d been what she’d wanted for so long, but at the same time, the thought terrified her. What will Angel think of what I’ve become and… oh, he has to know about me and Spike. She sat down on the bed, her legs unable to support her. Her breath quickened as she read the next part. She had thought it couldn’t be harder to take than the last part, but she’d been wrong. “Spike, what did you do?” she whispered aloud. He was killing himself, or close enough to it, just so she could be happy. Oh God, she thought, the strange conversation they’d had the last time she saw him now making perfect sense. That’s why he’d wanted to know if she still loved Angel. And her answer had encouraged him to go through with it.

 

Flinging the towel aside, she yanked clothes from her dresser, dressing hurriedly. Maybe there was still time… To what, she thought. Stop this? Is that what she wanted? She shook her head. She’d figure that out when she got there, when she found him… them. Less thinking, more dressing, she scolded herself. In another two minutes, she was flying out the front door, and the pictures rattled in response for the second time that day.

*********

Bloody Hell.

It was Spike's thought, but Angel heard it loud and clear. He’d just finished depositing Warren’s body, so it still would be hours yet before sunrise when their thoughts could be separated without an effort, and right now it was just easier to share them. A few moments passed before Angel understood why Spike had thought the curse. He must have sensed Buffy before Angel did, because there she was, making her way towards them through the lush grass of the cemetery.

Didn’t think she’d find us so soon, Spike added to his first reflection.

Too late now. Here she comes, Angel thought back to him.

As if to illustrate his point, Buffy turned and focused on him, now heading with more purpose in his direction. Angel wasn't sure he could read what her intention was just yet, but he was soon to find out. Closing the gap between them, Buffy looked at him with an almost relieved expression.

"Spike," she breathed, but then her face changed quickly to an expression
Angel couldn't name.

She thinks you're me. Watch out, Spike warned Angel.

Watch out for what? Angel thought.

Buffy brought her fist back and punched the now blonde Angel in the nose.

That, Spike thought.

Thanks a lot for the warning, Angel told him.

"What were you thinking? Are you a complete moron?" Buffy yelled at him.

Grab her wrists, Spike warned. Or she might hit you again. And say something for God's sakes.

Angel grabbed Buffy's wrists, but faced with her stormy eyes all he could think of to say was, "Buffy."

It seemed to be enough. Buffy could tell something by the tone, or maybe the inflection. The way he said her name, it was... different. "What..."

"Buffy it's me," Angel said.

"Angel?" Buffy asked quietly, searching his eyes.

He nodded.

"How? A-and where is..." She didn't finish the question, but Angel knew what she wanted to ask. If this was him, she wanted to know where Spike was.

Let me talk to her, Spike thought to Angel, you'll get yours soon enough. I might not have much time left.

Alright, was the answer. I guess I owe you that much.

Angel let his control slip away, and his eyes turned gold, and brow ridges formed as his new demon, Spike, took over.

"I'm here, pet," Spike said in his familiar accent. "Now, I'll let go if you promise not to hit. I wouldn't mind having a go, but Angel isn't so use to your rough stuff yet."

Buffy's lips parted just slightly, and for once, Spike wasn't sure he could read her expression. Was that... relief? Then she hid it, and her face turned to confusion. When she nodded, Spike released her hands.

She let her hands drop to her sides bonelessly, as if she were too preoccupied to notice they had fallen.

"You actually did it, but weren't you supposed to be..."

"Yeah, that didn't quite go as planned. Angelus didn't quite want to vacate so easily. We sent him to another dimension. This was the only way."

"So you're both gonna... be in there?" Buffy asked as she pointed to his chest, and she seemed truly unnerved by the prospect.

"Yes, and no, pet. Come sunrise... Well, I won't have so much say in the matter anymore. I'll be here, but mostly only when the demon's in the forefront. That being me and all now."

After a moment, Buffy said softly, "You didn't have to do this," but her voice didn't match the conviction of her words.

"Yeah, I did. You know it was the only way." He thought to Angel, Can I have control? Complete control, so I can talk to her with my old face. One last time?

Without a word, Angel acquiesced, and Spike could feel his grand-sire's soul moving itself away, suppressing its will. The blue eyes emerged, and the fangs and ridges receded.

"It's still me," Spike assured her. "I just wanted you to see me like this..."

"One more time," Buffy finished for him.

She brought her hand to his cheek, noting how he had to make an effort not to flinch. Had she really instilled in him so much trepidation at her touch? "I should be angry at you. I should be furious," she told him.

"I know, but I couldn't be without you, and you'd never let me..."

"I know," Buffy interrupted. She looked at his lean form. "This is gonna be so weird..."

Spike smirked, and Buffy could tell by his eyes that Spike was about to make one of his famous attempts at lightening the mood. "Yeah, but just think. You get Angel's soul, but you still get to have this manly body."

As he said it, the smirk turned seductive, and he slid one hand, fingers splayed, down his torso to rest above the waistline of his low-riding jeans. The action was familiar, reminiscent of his display the night of their first fight in Sunnydale High so long ago.

Her reaction, however, was not the same. Desire had replaced the disgust and trepidation, though sometimes she had to admit her feelings then may not have been so far from now. "You're a pig, Spike," she told him, though her eyes didn't show the expression to back up those words.

"Well, maybe," he replied, his voice smooth as velvet and his lashes sweeping down and then up again, "but I'm the one who makes you squea..."

She put her fingers to his mouth quickly.

"Don't say it," she warned, but her cheeks flushed, and her eyes smiled.

"Alright, I won't," Spike said. "Actions are better anyway. With that he grabbed Buffy's arms and kissed her thoroughly.

For a moment, Buffy thought to protest, but she told that voice of reason to shut up, and soon she was smoothing her hands over Spike's arms and chest and returning the kiss with equal intensity. It was unnerving the way her body reacted to his touch, how it seemed to melt and yield, while at the same time wanting to devour him. In the end, she just gave in. There was so little time left for him. She would let him have it, have her, all of her. Just this one last time.

Angel was sure that Spike would have told him to sod off if he protested, but he was lost for the moment, drowning in Buffy's kiss. He decided to let him be. Not that Spike would have paid him any mind anyway, not with a beautiful Buffy in his arms. It was time for Angel to give in and leave them alone for a while.

In the moment before he banished himself again, Angel felt Spike's love for Buffy, but it was so full of passion and fire that the elder vampire was amazed that the other was able to keep himself together. He was still awed that Spike was able to keep from biting her all this time, was never swept away in the heat of this passion. Right now, he had to concentrate hard just to remain in the background of what was turning out to be a rather heated... Oh Hell, were they really going to... Right here in the cemetery?

Angel couldn't keep from feeling what was going on any longer. It was too difficult with all the emotions rushing in, but he forced himself to remain silent. He reminded himself that this was not the romance and young, innocent love Buffy had for him. This was passion and fire, desire and all consuming need - something he now hoped he could have a taste of with Buffy, and that was because of Spike. So no matter how jealous he was, Angel would not take away what might be the last chance for Spike to have this. Instead he remained mentally quiet and let the sensations Spike was feeling rush over his soul. He couldn't imagine what would be coming, if the feelings he was sensing now were just the beginning.

The build-up was slow and blissful, but the rest was not. Angel could tell the moment Buffy reached her moment of climax, the joy and pride Spike felt at having given it to her almost blinding him. Spike's own release followed a few minutes later like a rush of fire through Angel's soul. It was as close to being alive as a vampire could come, and Angel now knew why Spike had done this, why he could never let Buffy go. She was his life, his light, and letting her go would have been like dying all over again.

Waiting for the calm he knew would follow the lover's storm, Angel would give them a little more time to just be together. A small part of him wanted Buffy to be his alone, but another hoped for Spike's sake that the vampire would still be able to feel what was going on, to maybe even have his own time with Buffy. They still didn't know what the total effects of the spell would be on their respective essences, only that Spike's role would be outshadowed by his own. Angel would be willing to try to make that enough for Spike. He owed him that much for the opportunity he would soon have, and the pain it would likely cause Spike once the effect of the soul took hold.

Angel knew his opportunity would be soon enough. It was a chance he had only dreamed would come, and now he only had to wait a little longer. Never had he been so happy for the approaching dawn.

They’d lingered most of the early morning hours, talking, reminiscing, interrupted by numerous sessions of kissing and more. God, Angel thought, do they ever stop? Finally a sensation began to sink into Angel's brain. Dawn. It was coming soon. Spike. Dawn's coming soon. We have to go.

Go ‘way, Angel. 'M not finished yet. Buffy's got at least one more left. Somehow Spike managed to make that thought even feel salacious. It was then that Angel realized that he and Buffy were not simply spooned together on top of Spike's leather coat as he had thought. Spike, and by default, he as well, had hands in rather intimate places. One arm snaked beneath her waist, his hand resting on her breast, fingers caressing her hardened nipple. The other arm draped over her hip, his fingers deftly moving across her silken folds. Spike whispered in her ear. "So Beautiful, Buffy. Come for me, Luv. One more time." Angel thought to protest, until Spike kissed her neck softly, and he realized his new demon was not going to give up easily. Besides, Buffy didn't seem to be objecting.

As if to further prove the point, she let out a soft moan, and her body responded to Spike's touch with small movements of her hips. Then she shivered as lips played against her neck again.

"Spike, we have to go," Buffy said, her voice breathy.

Neither Angel nor Spike thought she meant a word of it.

"You know I never let the sun stop me. Not where you're concerned. 'Sides we've got time," he assured her.

That was all the coaxing Buffy needed. Within moments she was on the edge, and Spike drew it out a little longer before sending her into climax. As she peaked, he slowly slid himself inside her. He was sure that she would barely notice, he entered her so carefully, but she adjusted to him, lifting her leg backwards to drape over his hip and turning her face over her shoulder to look at him. He moaned, but didn't move, content to feel her quiver around him, and they lay like that for a moment while she recovered. Then he began moving his hips in a slow rhythm and blew soft puffs of air across the skin beneath her ear, causing it to tickle and her body to shiver.

Spike knew the moment she recovered. He felt her body tense just a little, and he smiled when she opened her mouth slightly and her eyes flashed. Get ready, he thought to his counterpart. As if on cue, Buffy pulled away, then turned, and leaped back quickly to straddle him. She grabbed his arms and pinned them down forcefully in the same motion, her eyes showing fire. Stretching his wrists above his head, she took them in one hand as she moved the other down his chest. "Don't you move," she almost growled.

"Wouldn't dream of it, pet," he replied, keeping his hands in self-made bondage. She slithered down his body, trailing her fingers and lips as she went. Spike sent Angel a small warning, not in coherent words, but enough for him to brace himself just before Buffy sunk her teeth into the flesh at his hip bone. Spike let out a low growl and his body bucked a little. "God, Buffy, you..." She bit him again and he moaned, his hands clasping and unclasping above his head.

She crawled back up his body. "What, Spike?" Straddling him again, she looked into his lust filled eyes.

He panted slightly now. "God, I love you," he said.

She nodded, her eyes reflecting her acceptance of his words. "Are you mine, Spike?"

"You know the answer," he breathed.

She brushed her lips across his neck then bit him again, harder this time, just above his collarbone. Her teeth left bruised indentations that were pricked with blood.

Spike made a sound, primal with need, and he squirmed beneath her.

Buffy ran her lips across the mark. "Say it, Spike."

"I'm yours, Buffy."

She lifted herself, to gaze down at him, her eyes filled with the power he made her feel. "Are you my willing slave?"

"Always."

She smiled at him, repeating his words from earlier. "So beautiful, my Spike."

With a sinuous movement, Buffy moved over him and took him inside her. Spike gasped with pleasure and moved beneath her. She began riding him, her hands moving towards his. Their fingers met halfway, entwining as she held them beside his head.

"My demon," she breathed.

"Your demon," he agreed, almost choking with his desire and the impact of her admission.

"Show me," she said.

Spike swallowed hard, his expression asking her if she was sure.

"Show me," she repeated softly.

Spike let his features change, his eyes becoming gold, and his brow ridges coming to the forefront. He felt exposed and unsure, until Buffy smiled again and began riding him harder. Then Spike lost all coherent thought.

Buffy kept her pace until he finally arched his back and came with a barely controlled howl. "Buffy. God, Buffy." He panted needlessly, his gold eyes not leaving hers as he tried to calm down from his climax. She untwined her hands from his to caress his brow ridges, his cheek bones, and his chin with surprising softness. Finally, she moved off of him, her body coming to rest beside him instead. Her smile was sad, and her eyes were filled with what looked like regret. Spike let his human features return and his expression become soft, never letting her doubt the love that was plainly written there. She wished she could give him more, Spike could tell, but she had given him all she could. He let her see the acceptance in his eyes, telling her without words that it was enough.

"I'll miss you," she said.

"I'll be here, if you need me. Always."

"I do need you, Spike. It will be hard without you."

Spike smiled sadly at her and ran his knuckles down her cheek. "You'll be fine. You're the strongest woman I know."

Buffy took in a breath to halt any thoughts of tears. He couldn't have given her a better compliment. She only hoped that she could live up to it.

Without words, they both looked towards the east, knowing that the sun would be rising soon. After one last look, they dressed, intent on cheating the dawn.

Chapter 14: Hope

 

The glow of false dawn was already apparent as they walked through the graveyard. Dew clung to their shoes, the disturbance of its droplets leaving patterns in the grass. Neither said a word until they reached the safety of the crypt. Then it was Angel who spoke, "Buffy, are you in love with..." He cut himself off as she looked in his eyes, and Angel knew she could tell it was him now. It amazed him that this woman could distinguish him so easily, even in the body she was used to seeing as someone else.

 

"No. I don't know," she tried to answer his unasked question. "I'm going to need time."

 

Angel wondered if she could tell he was confused by what she’d said to Spike. If she could see the hurt and uncertainty plainly reflected in his eyes.

 

It seemed that she could. A small sigh escaped her lips. "I'm sorry, Angel, if you don't understand, but I had to tell him. It's the truth."

 

He wanted to say something to stop her words, not entirely sure he wanted to hear them, but Buffy wouldn’t have it. She took the hand he raised in protest into her own, muting her tone to soften the blow as she continued. “Somehow Spike was always mine, my responsibility. Even before the chip. So many times I should have staked him…” She shook her head. “But later he was there for me. And for Dawn. He told me the truth, even when I didn’t want to hear it. Other times he just sat and listened, even when I had nothing to say." Her gaze shifted to the crypt floor. "And when he made me feel alive again and tried to love me even as I told him he was nothing. Or when he said things he shouldn’t have, because he just wanted me to stay. All those times, in some way, he was always mine." She looked back into his eyes.

 

Angel nodded slowly. "And now he's also mine. I guess that's something we have in common." He smiled a little and was quiet for a moment. Then he gave her a serious look. "You care about him."

 

Buffy nodded in return and smiled a little crookedly. "Though that part's fairly new. Even if he is sometimes a pain in the ass." She was still smiling as she said it.

 

"Spike can be that," Angel agreed. Then he got a pained look on his face as he heard Spike in his head thinking that sometimes a pain in the ass can be downright fun under the right circumstances.

 

"What?" Buffy asked when she saw his expression change.

 

Angel shook his head. "You don't want to know."

 

"Oh, I think I can probably guess," Buffy said as she rolled her eyes. Then she looked out the crypt window and tried to gauge how close it was to dawn. "It's going to be bad, isn't it?" As she returned her eyes to his, her expression was one of worry.

 

Angel nodded. He could feel Spike becoming restless, his final teasing comment the last bastion of composure he'd had left. "I'm not sure exactly what's going to happen either. Maybe you should leave."

 

Buffy shook her head. "I'm staying right here. I'll see you through this, both of you."

 

Holding her arms, he looked into her eyes. "If you need to leave, just go, okay? I'm serious, Buffy. It will probably be better for both of us. We'll get through, but it might be rough for a little while."

 

"I'll be okay, Angel. I promise..."

 

It was then that the first wave hit him. Angel’s grip tightened on Buffy's arms before he forced himself to let go. He didn't expect the physical pain. That usually came with getting or losing the soul, and his soul was already present. A grunt came from his throat, and he fell to his knees. He vaguely heard Buffy calling his name, but it was drowned out by the anguished scream he heard from Spike as the impact of the soul hit the demon. Then his own consciousness was assaulted as memories of things Spike had done flooded into his being. Angel still had his own memories, though he wasn't sure how. Maybe they were indelibly imprinted on his soul after so many years, but now he inhabited a different body with different memories, and as his soul merged with the new demon in a new body, those memories became part of him as well. Angel vaguely remembered thinking I should have thought of this, before he screamed.

 

 

“Angel! Angel, what’s happening?” Buffy shouted trying to get him to respond. But he only screamed then fell to his knees. “Oh, God, Angel.” She felt helpless to do anything but kneel by his side with a comforting hand on his arm. What’s wrong? She didn’t know, and her façade of calm was crumbling. She watched the body that once belonged to Spike fall to the crypt floor and curl into a ball. Almost without thought, she retrieved one of the blankets from where it lay on Spike’s tattered chair and put it over the now shivering form. The shivering stopped, and Angel’s body grew still for the moment. He…they couldn’t be dead, but how could she tell?

 

“Buffy,” he said, but it came out as a harsh sound. “Rest.”

 

Her mouth a twisted frown, she nodded even though he couldn’t see the gesture. “You rest now. I’ll be here when you wake up.” This was all too much, too fast. She’d kept herself from thinking about it very much while she’d spent those last hours with Spike, because she’d felt he’d deserved her attention. He’d only had that little time left.  But now with no one for company but the unresponsive vampire beside her, there was nothing to stop her silent tears. Spike was likely gone, and Angel… Angel who she hadn’t seen since that day he had called her after her return from Heaven… This was him now. And he was here. Was she really ready for it? And was he really ready for the woman she’d become since her return?

 

Buffy slid to the floor, leaning against the old familiar chair for support, and cried.

*********

Slipping cautiously into the crypt, Willow called Spike’s name. No one had answered Tara’s knock just a moment before, and they were concerned. After a quick glance around the room, Tara let out a startled “Oh” as she pointed to the vampire’s form huddled under the blanket, but Willow’s attention was immediately drawn to Buffy. She rushed in and kneeled beside her friend, noticing the tear tracks that marred her cheeks. “Buffy?”

 

“What’s wrong with them, Will? What did you do to him?” Her green eyes were confused.

 

“It w-was me,” Tara said. Her hand rested on the vampire’s arm. “It was what he wanted.”

 

“I know,” Buffy whispered. “He told me. He didn’t want to hurt me.” She looked at Tara. “But you could have stopped him.”

 

Tara shook her head sadly. “If I hadn’t done the spell, he would’ve gotten Anya to do it, and I didn’t want that. It was too dangerous.”

 

“Why would he…” She shook her head and wiped away any traces of tears. “I know why.”

 

“He really was afraid, Buffy,” Tara said. “He wanted you to be happy, but he didn’t think he could stay away from you.” She softly probed the vampire body in front of her as she spoke, trying to assess any signs of animation. “He w-was going to have me send him away to another dimension before we found out about the problem with the spell. I didn’t ask what had scared him. I didn’t want…”

 

“It was a dream.” The voice was hoarse but steady. Angel sat up slowly, rolling his muscles and groaning a little. “He had a dream.”

 

“Angel,” Buffy said, certain it was him. She moved to his side, but was careful not to touch him to much. “Is that what he told you?”

 

Angel ran his hands over his face and shook his head. “I have some of his memories now. The most recent ones are the most clear.” He looked at Buffy. “Spike has dreams sometimes. Not normal dreams, but more vivid. They tell him things he doesn’t always want to admit at first. He had one about you.” Angel lowered his head. “A dream where he hurt you while trying to convince you to come back to him.”

 

Buffy’s forehead wrinkled and her lips parted a bit. Her eyes darkened as she thought of the last few times she and Spike had shared together before the break up, thinking of how he’d become more insistent and less willing to listen to her. “What kind of dream?”

 

Angel shook his head. “I can’t tell you. It wouldn’t be right, but it was bad, bad enough to scare him.”

 

“He really didn’t want to hurt me,” Buffy said softly. Taking a startled breath, she looked at him as a thought came to her. “Can you still feel him?”

 

Tara and Willow looked at Angel, concern on their faces. “Yes, is he there at all?” Tara added.

 

Angel looked solemn as he answered. “He is here, and I suppose in time, I will feel him more than I did Angelus, but…”

 

“What?” Willow asked. “Is something wrong? You did bind, right, because otherwise… well I guess you wouldn’t be ‘undead’ as it were if he weren’t there so...”

 

“He closed himself off,” Angel interrupted her.

 

“What do you mean?” Buffy asked. She felt a cold chill go down her spine at his words. Even in Spike’s body, she could read his tone and body language, and they were telling her that this wasn’t good.

 

“It’ll take him some time. Guilt over you was one thing, Buffy, but this…”

 

“With the merging he feels the effect of your soul. He feels guilt for what he’s done now,” Willow said.

 

“He knew th-that was coming,” Tara added sadly.

 

“It’s different to actually feel it,” Angel said. “He’ll have to learn to live with it.” He shook his head, and said softly. “I think he’s trying to shield me from it.” He looked at Buffy, and smiled sadly at the irony. “As if over a hundred years hasn’t been enough practice.”

 

“Maybe we should go,” Tara offered when the ensuing silence became uncomfortable. “You seem to be okay now.”

 

“As long as I don’t move too much,” Angel joked. “I’d forgotten how much magic can hurt.”

 

Willow smirked knowingly. “Yeah, it’s easy to forget that part sometimes.” She looked at Tara who stood to move to her side. “We’ll go to your house this afternoon, Buffy, and wait for Dawn to come home from school.”

 

“Thank you,” Buffy said. “I’ll try to be home by dinner.”

 

Tara and Willow left quietly, Buffy barely noticing them. She was looking at Angel, and trying hard not to cry again. How long had she wanted this? It seemed years. She should be grateful for the chance, and she had to agree that she was, but had she known the cost would be so high… No. Spike had done this for her. She would accept the gift, and make sure that it was all worth it. Closing her eyes, she put her arms around Angel and leaned her head on his shoulder. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too.”

*********

As he slowly woke, Angel felt a warm body nearby.  He and Buffy lay together on the sarcophagus, a blanket beneath them, the magic supplies moved to a heap on the floor. His body felt better, because the aching had dulled considerably, but he still felt strange, as if something was different. Then he realized that it was because he was so near to her, and it had been so long since he had been. The fact that Spike’s body felt different – lighter and smaller - was likely also a factor. He would have to get used to her being closer to his size now. Moving closer and spooning against her, he decided that it wasn’t all bad. Buffy seemed to fit against him perfectly, his cheek nuzzling the back of her head.

 

She moved a little in her sleep, murmuring. For a moment Angel was surprised that Buffy could so easily sleep on the hard surface, but some recent memories of Spike’s reminded him of why that was so. The memories were disconcerting, because he hadn’t lived them. They held no real impact; like a movie he’d seen rather than something he’d lived through. They made an impression, but not the same as if he’d actually been there. It probably wasn’t unlike Angelus’ feelings as he first inhabited Liam’s body and inherited the memories. Then why had all Angelus done while he was away seemed so much more affecting when his soul returned?

 

He closed his eyes trying not to think of Angelus any more, realizing that the demon was why he was holding back, why he tried so hard not to feel too much while Spike and Buffy had been together those last few times in the cemetery. He knew he wanted to be with the woman in his arms right now, but unlike that one day when he’d become human, he was still a vampire, and he remembered all too well what had happened the last time he’d let himself be with her when he was. He couldn’t lose his soul. He was bound to Spike, the witches had assured him, but convincing himself of that was another step; a large, scary step that made his stomach clench and his throat tighten. He felt Buffy turn in his arms and opened his eyes to look into hers.

 

“You okay?” she asked him.

 

“I will be,” he told her, and looking into her soft, worried face, Angel somehow began to believe that he would be.

*********

Four days. It had been four days, and he had done little more than kiss her chastely. After all this time could it be that he didn’t even find her attractive anymore? Or worse yet, was he appalled by her now? He’d said that he had some of Spike’s memories. Oh God, she thought, then pushed her fear doggedly back down. It is so not for him to judge me. Not now, now that she’d gotten him to spill his little secret involving a certain ex-nemesis of hers named Darla and a now teenaged son named Conner who was wandering around L.A. somewhere. Besides, she understood. It wasn’t like she was expecting him to immediately move to Sunnydale and live her life now. She didn’t need that from him anymore. This distant moodiness though; that was the pits. Buffy grunted in frustration, pulling her drawer out so hard that it slipped out of the dresser, causing her to fall on her butt and the drawer’s contents to spill onto the floor.

 

“Geez,” Dawn commented from the doorway. “Remind me never to be a drawer when you’re trying to get ready for patrol. What’s the big anyway? Trouble with Angel?”

 

The name came out a bit sarcastic, and Buffy stuffed down her irritation as she rose from her undignified position. She reminded herself that her sister lost much more than she had in this bargain, because unlike her, Dawn had only lost a friend. In the teen’s eyes, there was no good in return. She’d never really had a connection to Angel. “No, no trouble,” she answered casually.

 

“Don’t think those are required gear for patrolling anyway,” Dawn teased as she pointed to the lacy underwear that Buffy was gathering up and unceremoniously stuffing into the drawer.

 

There was no time to put it back neatly. Well there was, but the quicker it left her sister’s prying eyes the better. “Don’t you have homework or something?”

 

“Oh there’s always homework, but this is much more fun. Why don’t you try the black ones? Can’t go wrong with basic black.”

 

Buffy narrowed her eyes in mock sisterly ire. “And you know this how?”

 

Dawn shrugged. “Cosmo, ‘Sex in the City’…” her eyes grew wide as she realized she’d let that slip. “Or so I’ve heard,” she back-pedaled.

 

“Oh, I so know that was Spike’s doing,” Buffy muttered.

 

“Oh, no, Nibblet, here,” she said, pointing to herself. “He’d never let me…” She trailed off and frowned. “He had a moment of weakness in the face of much begging,” she admitted. “And a few beers. We were both kinda down, cuz well…”

 

“I was dead,” Buffy concluded.

 

Dawn nodded somewhat sullenly, but then smirked. She started digging through the closet, quickly and efficiently rejecting outfits. “Besides, don’t worry. I paid for it. There was much threatening and big-brotherly-like lectures on the dangers of sex.” She rolled her eyes. “As if I didn’t know that already.”

 

“I’m sure he misses you, Dawn.”

 

“He promised to visit,” she almost whispered as she held out a pair of black leather pants and a charcoal gray, long-sleeved shirt. Of course, the outfit was perfect. “Spike keeps his promises, right?”

 

Buffy nodded as she took the clothing. “Yeah, he does.”

********

The vampire population had seen much better days. As she dusted yet another, Angel became certain that something was bothering Buffy. He also had an idea he shouldn’t ask, or more precisely that he probably should, but wasn’t going to like the answer and the inevitable discussion that would follow. He stopped her from marching on by walking in front of her and taking her arms. You shouldn’t, his brain warned him. “Buffy what’s wrong?” Stupid.

 

“It’s me, isn’t it?” she said flatly, crossing her arms.

 

Uh, oh, Angel thought. It was more than him that recognized the fire in her eyes. Although he hadn’t felt anything from Spike other than small impressions in these last few days, memories of her expressions and more recent moods were there. This one was definitely dangerous territory.

 

In his silence, Buffy continued. It seemed that his non-reply counted as an answer.  “Well excuse me, Angel. It wasn’t exactly easy coming back here after being where I was. I’m sorry if I no longer live up to your expectations of a ‘good girl’, or if you no longer find me attractive because of it, but I…”

 

He grabbed her and kissed her hard. That’ll shut her up, something in his mind told him, and he thanked whatever it was as she returned the kiss. Angel wrapped his arms around her, surprisingly enjoying that she didn’t have to stand on tip toes to kiss him. He liked the feeling of her strong arms snaking around him as well, reaching into his hair.

 

After a moment she broke the kiss. “That didn’t really answer my question. Well, okay, it did a little.”

 

“I’ve been worried, Buffy,” he admitted before he lost his nerve. “Last time we were… together, it didn’t end well if you remember.”

 

An expression crossed her face, an understanding. Then she looked at him with love. And assurance. “That’s not going to happen this time, and even if it did, Angelus won’t take over. He can’t. And even if it did, we’d just get your soul back again if you lost it.” She put a hand on his cheek, stopping him from looking away. “But that’s not gonna happen. If Spike used magic, he only would’ve done it if he was sure it would work.”

 

Angel closed his eyes and looked down, knowing he was going to regret telling her this next thing.

 

“You’re leaving tomorrow night,” Buffy stated before he even opened his mouth.

 

Angel looked at her with amazement. When had she gotten so good at reading him? “I’ll come back. Soon. But I have to…”

 

“I know,” she interrupted him. “I know you have a life there, Angel, and a son to find and reconcile with. I don’t need you to be here all the time. I can stand on my own now.” She smiled reassuringly. “But having you here sometimes will be good.”

 

Angel smiled back. God, she was incredible. “Buffy, I have to leave tomorrow night,” he said teasingly.

 

“Then I guess we’ll have to make the most of tonight, won’t we?” She gave him an inviting smile which turned into a teasing smirk. “Just one more cemetery…”

 

Angel grunted and pulled her against him. “I think we’ve done enough patrolling tonight.” To prove his point, he kissed her again, his lips meeting hers first softly, then with more insistance. He could feel her heart racing against his chest and hear the sound of her soft moan. He had missed these feelings so much. Forcing himself to withdraw for a moment, Angel looked into her flushed face. “Let’s go home.”

 

They made it as far as Spike’s crypt.

********

Concentrating on the sounds of the rushing air and the surrounding road, Angel drove down the freeway towards L.A. The stars and clear sky above him provided another welcome distraction as did his memories of being in Buffy’s arms the night before. Just as wonderful were the memories of waking in those same arms the next morning. The look on Buffy’s face to finally see him there beside her when she woke, was truly a gift he never thought he’d receive. The memories carried him almost all the way to the outskirts of town, but the increasing traffic was making it hard to let that particular distraction continue without some sort of repercussion.

 

Turning on the radio came next. He flipped through the channels, thinking it fate when he found a Barry Mannilow tune that had just begun, but when commercials came on right after, he decided he’d put it off long enough. Picking up the dreaded thing Cordelia called a necessity, Angel punched in the numbers on the cell phone, already imagining the urge he was sure to have to throw it out on the highway and watch a truck run over it. No, nothing could go wrong now. He was finally happy, and he didn’t have to be afraid of that happiness anymore. In time, he hoped Spike would be happy with him. There was hope; he was sure he’d felt him last night when he was with Buffy.

 

The ringing stopped, and a familiar voice said “Angel Investigations, we help the hopeless” with only minimal interference from static.

 

“Cordy,” he replied. “I’m on my way back now. I have something to warn you about though before I get there…” He smiled, imagining that for once he might actually surprise the unflappable Cordelia. Perhaps he wouldn’t tell her the whole story, let her be surprised in person. Claiming interference from static would be a good excuse to leave out the details. His smile widened. This was going to be fun. From now on, a lot more things were going to be fun.

 

Epilogue

 

Sometimes as they lay entwined, Angel would look at her, and he would know.  Buffy didn’t know how he could tell. Maybe there was a look in her eyes or a turning of her lip, but somehow he knew. And he understood. At that moment, she didn’t want tenderness or light, the things that signified him. She needed the other. She wanted the darkness. Buffy sometimes thought she could sense a small hurt in his eyes then, but it would fade. Angel wouldn’t deny her, and he wouldn’t deny him. “I love you,” he would say, then let himself fall away, give himself over.

 

The change would be gradual. Angel’s now blue eyes would turn gold, then his brow would change, and his touch would grow a little rougher. Once his lips curled into that smirk, still sexy despite the fangs, she knew Angel was no longer in control, and she held nothing back. Once Spike had control, their union was fire and passion above all else. There was still love, especially from him, but it was buried beneath an avalanche of need and desire and rough, animal lust. When she closed her eyes, she could recall the expressive blue eyes and the chiseled features of the Spike she once knew, and remember when she had needed him so desperately, and how sometimes, even now, she still did. Buffy could let herself go and be lost for a while. But she always opened her eyes again to look into his gold ones. She always gave him that.

 

Sometimes there was momentary guilt, just as there had been before, but that faded more quickly as time passed. Then she had mostly used him; now it was different. She did love this demon, her Spike, because she now knew he wasn’t simply a monster. Something that was just an evil demon would never have sacrificed so much for her, never would have become almost a prisoner in his own body, taking only stolen moments for himself. For her, Spike had allowed himself to exist in Angel’s shadow. And for that, Buffy would always love him. She hoped he could see it in her eyes, even if she could never bring herself to say it. Somehow, she knew he did. Just as somehow she knew he would someday be healed from the effects of Angel’s soul.

 

He was getting better and better as the weeks passed. More and more she saw glimpses of things that were fundamentally Spike: the way he tilted his head, the way he looked into her eyes and didn’t let her turn away, the way he never let her delude herself, bringing her to her senses with just a look. Spike was still there, his obvious presence more than they had expected from the spell, and Buffy was glad that it was so. She hadn’t wanted to be without him, without either of them.

 

Buffy knew now with increasing clarity that she could never have the contentment of a normal life, but perhaps she had something better. She had the love of two beings who would do anything for her happiness. She had her Angel, the man with the beautiful soul who would always long to take her into the light. And she had the demon, her Spike, who understood that she sometimes wanted the darkness and who would be content to love her in the shadows.

 

End of Book one