Author’s notes: I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter out. I made it a long one to make up for it. Thanks again for all the wonderful reviews. This chapter, like the last, is dedicated to the gang at the forums4fans Angel speculation thread.

 

Summary: Spike explained to Angel why he didn’t want to go evil again. Buffy got her first glimpse of Cleveland. Lilah learned Spike is a pain in the … neck. Spike’s blackouts increased including forays into pink nail polish and lingerie. We learned Fred is a little kinky. Desperate, Spike asked Angel for help with his problem.

 

Chapter 4: The Horrors of Spilling the Beans and Doing Paperwork

 

Everyone was staring at him. Spike sat down on the ottoman, but then bounced up again a moment later and started pacing.

 

“You sure you want to hear all of it? I mean, I don’t think you do, and it likely won’t be important.”

 

“We’ll be the judge of that, sweet cheeks. Of course you could always sing for me, and that might solve everything,” Lorne told him.

 

“Bloody hell, that’s not much of a choice,” Spike said with a grimace. By the expectant look on the green demon’s face, he had a feeling Lorne knew for the most part which parts would be more important and which wouldn’t, but he’d rather hear all the juicy details anyway. Poncy git would probably make him sing to boot.

 

“I told you that you’d have to tell us everything,” Angel reminded him.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Spike grumped. “Okay where do you want me to start?”

 

“When you first got the amulet,” Wesley said. “Start from there.”

 

Spike gave him a skeptical look. “Okay well, look… you’re gonna be sorry you asked this, mate.” He directed the last part to Angel.

 

“I doubt it. Now stop stalling.”

 

Spike tried sitting again. “Okay, well, I first got hold of the amulet when Buffy came back from killing Caleb and kiss…”

 

“When she came back from meeting with me,” Angel interrupted while staring daggers at him.

 

“Hey! Now, I want to hear the rest of what blondie was gonna say there,” Gunn teased.

 

“No you don’t,” Angel said.

 

Spike smirked. Maybe I can make this fun after all, he thought. No, better go for safe. He decided to keep himself in one piece instead and skip the seeing Buffy kissing Angel part for now, since it was obvious Angel hadn’t shared with the group. He also decided to distract himself by pacing again.

 

“Okay, well when Buffy came back, I took the amulet from her for a moment to get a look at it. I could already tell it was powerful. Only overheard some of the story, though, cuz I left once I found out Buffy’d taken care of the baddie.” Only a slight fib there, he thought to himself. Stopping almost mid-stride, he leaned against a chair, cleared his throat, and continued. “Heard enough though and wasn’t gonna let her take any chances. Told her that I’d wear the amulet for her. Until she said that it was meant for a champion. Wasn’t gonna insist then, but she wanted me to have it anyway.” He looked down and shook his head, momentarily lost in the memory.

 

“And you kept it with you the whole time?” Lorne asked. “You were the only one in contact with it after that?”

 

Spike roused from his musing. “Yeah. It was only with me and well, um, her when she stayed with me.” He thought he was going to get away with leaving things there until Gunn perked up at his words.

 

“Alright, Blondie! Got a little ‘just in case the world ends action’, huh?”

 

Ah, hell. “No! No,” he repeated more calmly. “It wasn’t anything like that.” That time, he added in his head. “We just held each other, that’s all.” He purposely didn’t look at Angel, even though he could practically feel him staring holes in the back of his head. He should be gloating about him and Buffy, not looking like a poof, but he needed help, and this was taking long enough as it was without a foray into piss off Angel land. Looking like a sap was a small price to pay to get this over with faster. He smirked despite himself though and readied himself to continue.

 

“Oh, how romantic. Just like in the movies,” Fred suddenly gushed just when Spike thought he was safely out of the woods. “Spending that last uncertain night in the arms of the person you love, all safe and warm, giving each other comfort and strength…”

 

“I think we get the idea, sugarplum,” Lorne interrupted, and Spike mentally thanked him. He might have tried to put a stop to her musings himself, but he had the distracting thought that Fred was somehow imagining the scenario with him in lingerie, and he was just too rattled to do it after that.

 

“Go ahead, Spike,” Lorne encouraged.

 

Spike nodded. He was gonna end this quick. Details be damned. He stood up straighter and tried to muster the needed enthusiasm to get this over with. “Okay well, told you that it wasn’t really important, because I didn’t really feel much of anything concrete until I had it on in the cave anyway. Not at first though. At first it didn’t really do anything, so I was just fighting as usual, but something must have activated it. Then it was pretty obvious it was doing something.”

 

“What did it feel like?” Wesley asked.

 

Oh good, a relevant question for once, Spike thought. Of course the answer brings up memories of things best forgotten, but…  He faced Wesley. “At first, a real annoying vibration, and then it stung a bit. Eventually it was just mind-numbing pain. I was kinda stuck in place with this light shooting out of my body. The light dusted the ubervamps instantly, but it was just burning me up slowly from the inside out.”

 

Angel looked calm now. Spike hoped it wasn’t a façade.

 

”Then what happened?” Lorne asked.

 

“Buffy tried to get me to go with her, but I couldn’t. No time to try really, and I had the feeling that I had to stay in order to end it for good anyhow. The place was collapsing, so she held my hand. That was when the flames I mentioned earlier came in. Not sure how they burned but didn’t really leave a mark. She told me goodbye…”

 

“No she didn’t,” Angel said, and his tone was certain. “You said you had to convince her to leave.”

 

“Okay, yeah, I did,” Spike admitted. Damn, he remembers everything. Forgot I blabbed that earlier, he cursed himself. “But I’m sure what was said has no bearing on this, and I’m not sharing.”

 

“Then you should probably sing,” Lorne said. “I got a few impressions earlier, as I said, and you’re right about your conversation not having anything to do with your problems now, but…”

 

“If I don’t sing you won’t know what does,” Spike finished annoyed. “Can’t I just hum or something? Had a bad experience last time I sang for people.” That was an understatement. He remembered exactly what the last time he sang for someone lead to. At the time it had been what he wanted, but looking back on it now, he saw how much it hurt both him and Buffy. He could have done better for her.

 

“It can be anything,” Lorne told him.

 

Spike’s head went up. “Oh, I know.” He cleared his throat and began to sing in a loud voice.

 

“Did you ever know that you’re my hero?

You’re everything I wish I could be.

And I can fly higher than an eagle,

‘cause you are the wind beneath my wings.”

 

Spike blinked. He had a sudden feeling something was wrong again, because no one was talking. Had he blacked out and stood there like a zombie?

 

“That was just lovely,” Lorne said after a moment.

 

“What?” Spike asked. His forehead furrowed in confusion, and the feeling in his stomach was sending him warning signals.

 

“Dude, that was definitely not what I expected,” Gunn said with a chuckle.

 

Angel was staring at him with an amused smirk. Fred had a goofy expression on her face. Okay, he definitely missed something here.

 

“I sang something, didn’t I?” Spike guessed.

 

Still chuckling, Gunn replied, “You sure did. Don’t you remember? You sang the chorus to ‘Wind Beneath My Wings.’ You made a nice little Bette Midler.”

 

Spike didn’t have to fake the look of horror that came over his face. He shook his head. “You’re off your bird! There’s no way in hell. I would not sing that,” he assured them.

 

“Actually,” Lorne said. “You’re partially right about that.” The demon empath had a strange look on his face. “It wasn’t really you.”

*********

Buffy sat at the kitchen table of Giles rented apartment with an array of forms in front of her: a rental agreement for a small karate dojo, applications for an identification card, applications for a request to get a new birth certificate to apply for the identification card, an application to replace her social security card, an application to apply for a social security card for Dawn, applications for insurance, and numerous other paperwork buried beneath those. Somehow faced with all of these forms, she began to think that going to kill a few demons sounded preferable. Too bad it was the middle of the day. Sighing, Buffy decided that she needed a diet soda.

 

On her way to the refrigerator, she turned on Giles’ radio. Classical music drifted through the speakers. It was nice, but she didn’t need anything relaxing when the forms alone were enough to put her to sleep already, so she started flipping the channels. No one else was here right now; they got to go grocery shopping, the lucky ducks, so she could choose whatever music she wanted. Nothing seemed to hit her at first until she found a light pop station. Buffy smiled. She hadn’t heard this song in years. Making her way to the refrigerator, she began to sing.

 

“Did you ever know that you’re my hero…”

*********

“What?” It seemed to be a group effort, because they all asked at once, and they all stared at Lorne.

 

Well, everyone except Wesley who instead said. “Well, isn’t that interesting.”

 

“Could you elaborate, mate?” Spike asked Lorne. “What do you mean that it wasn’t really me?”

 

“I didn’t see it before, when I caught that glimpse, but now with the singing, and of course it makes sense now. Why I could tell that she meant what she said to you…”

 

“Lorne, I know you like to give all the details, but we’re dying of suspense here,” Angel prodded.

 

“Buffy,” Spike almost whispered. The look on his face was one of both awe and confusion. He turned that look on Lorne. “Am I right?”

 

“Yeah, sweet cheeks, you’re right,” Lorne told him.

 

“Right about what?” Gunn asked.

 

“That’s what’s been causing his odd behavior,” Lorne explained. “He’s blacking out, because the piece doesn’t belong. It’s not his soul.”

 

“It’s Buffy’s?” Angel asked, horrified as he put the pieces together.

 

“Just a small part,” Lorne clarified. “Not her entire soul, so it’s like a part of her essence. I’m not sure how it survived the process that took his own, but…”

 

“That’s amazing,” Wesley said. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of anything like that.”

 

“And that’s why I’ve been blacking out and doing girly, um, weird things,” Spike corrected himself.

 

Lorne nodded. “I’m afraid so.”

 

“But how? And why does it come and go like that?” Spike asked.

 

“Well, there must be a way it reached you,” Wesley said. “Maybe when you clasped hands while the amulet was still active but had finished killing the vampires. And as for why it comes and goes… Is there any common event that causes it to occur?”

 

After thinking for a moment, Spike still couldn’t come up with anything concrete. He shook his head.

 

“Oh,” Fred said, perking up and clearly proud of her thought. “What brought on your singing blackout just now?”

 

“Nothing,” Spike said. “I was just thinking about what happened last time I sang and how I…” He trailed off.

 

“How you what?” Angel asked.

 

“How I felt bad about what happened because of it,” Spike said. He snorted and shook his head. “I guess it’s that bloody simple then.”

 

“Simple as what?” Wesley asked.

 

“I think about something that makes me feel guilty and out pops a loaner piece of soul. Except that I don’t remember what I’m doing while it happens. Maybe cuz it’s not mine.”

 

“And somehow you seem to behave like her,” Lorne added. “I’m assuming that was a song she liked?”

 

Spike snorted again. “Yeah, though she tried to deny it. She even wanted it for our sodding wedding.”

 

“Your Wedding?!?” Angel yelled.

 

“Oh, don’t get your knickers in a twist,” Spike told him. “It wasn’t a real wedding. It was a stupid spell Willow cast on us. Long time ago.” He looked at Lorne. “But this explains a lot.” He turned back to Angel in hopes of getting his mind off the accidental non-wedding. “The nail polish, the cheese…”

 

“Buffy always did have a thing for cheese,” Angel agreed.

 

“The lingerie.”

 

“Lingerie?” Angel asked. “What lingerie?”

 

Oops. He’d said that out loud?

 

“There was lingerie?” Gunn asked with amusement.

 

“No, not really,” Spike backpedaled. ”Just looking.” He was glad no one else had a clue about Fred, because her totally goofy smile would have given her away in a moment otherwise.

 

“I bought some for Cordelia,” she lied smoothly then, all trace of her grin gone. “He took an interest. Just a little look-see.” A small, non-committal shrug came next.

 

Spike felt a small smirk creep onto his face. The little bird had hidden talent in deception. Who would’ve guessed? He would’ve been amused at that further, but he noticed Angel’s expression change into that somewhat constipated look he got when he just put two and two together and came up with a four he was none too pleased with.

 

Angel turned narrowed eyes on him. “And how do you know Buffy likes lingerie?”

 

“Well, I figured, cuz, you know, girly stuff and all.” The world was totally off kilter when a gal like Fred could lie more convincingly than he could. Oh, he was so buggered.

 

“Yeah, that makes sense, I guess,” Angel said after a moment and in a tone all too smooth. His eyes told Spike something entirely different though: something like so you saw Buffy’s lingerie, huh? How’d you like it crammed down your throat while I rip your arms off?

 

Spike decided he better change the subject quickly. “But yeah – the guilt. Having a piece of Buffy’s soul probably explains why I felt bad after I bit that evil guy and why I blacked out and ate cheese afterwards.” This seemed to distract Angel for a moment at least, and Spike felt a small sense of relief. That was until the implications of the situation finally hit him. “Wait a mo’.” He turned to Lorne. “These blackouts are getting more frequent and sometimes lasting longer rather than going away.” He considered how long he must have been out during the little lingerie party with Fred.

 

“Yeah, it might be time we contact the big guns in the magic department,” Lorne agreed.

 

“You mean Willow,” Fred asked.

 

“That’s exactly who I mean, sugar,” Lorne said.

*********

“I can do this. I can do this,” Buffy kept repeating to herself. Yeah, well how come after getting through half the pile of paperwork - though funny it didn’t look any smaller - she wanted more than ever to go strangle something? No, strangling was too quick; she wanted to pretend it was that snobby bank clerk who she called on the phone to ask a question about her loan application, and who again insinuated she had little to no chance of getting the loan. She wanted to pretend the demon was him and then pound his bespectacled face a couple dozen times. Maybe she could find a nice vampire that looked like him. Taking a breath to calm herself, because such thoughts were not normal, well unless you were a psychopath anyway, she wondered why Dawn and the gang weren’t back from the grocery store yet. She could really use a huge bowl of ice cream right now. With hot fudge. And whip cream and nuts. And… okay now she really was going crazy. Was a normal life really this much of a pain in the ass?

 

She heard the front door to the Giles’ apartment open and the gang come bustling in, arms filled with groceries. “Did you get ice cream?” she asked hopefully.

 

Dawn made one of those disappointed teen faces. “We wanted to, but Giles said his freezer was full of enough, and I quote ‘Bloody American junkfood’ already.”

 

Willow looked sheepish. “We couldn’t give up the hot pockets.”

 

“Well, of course not,” Giles’ said sarcastically. “Nor could we give up the frozen pizza or the tater tots or the frozen waffles that really taste nothing like waffles by the way…”

 

“Well Giles we don’t always have time to fix real ones. It’s nice to have the option.”

 

“And speaking of options, how’s the apartment hunting going?” Giles asked, turning his attention to her.  “You did get a chance to look over the brochures, correct? It might be nice if I actually got to live in this apartment rather than play keeper of the asylum.”

 

“Those potato thingies really are colors like blue and green, Giles,” Dawn protested. “I wasn’t talking crazy.”

 

“Not in my oven they’re not,” Giles told her before looking expectantly at Buffy again.

 

After glancing at the pile of brochures she’d picked up from various apartment buildings around the city, Buffy pouted in what she hoped was both an adorable and sympathy-inducing manner. She really had meant to get to them this afternoon. “I got the insurance applications done.”

 

“Oh good,” Willow said as she continued putting groceries away. “Because we’re really going to need insurance if Kennedy’s going to be training potentials. What about the dojo?” she asked hopefully.

 

“Oh look, the sun’s about to go down. I better make my way to the bus stop if I’m ever going to make the cemetery by sundown,” Buffy announced, as she practically bounced out of her chair. Gotta patrol.”

 

“But there’s a cemetery just a half mile to the south,” Dawn pointed out less than helpfully. “You can make it there in a matter of minutes on foot.”

 

“I think I did that one yesterday,” Buffy fibbed. “Besides the one on the outskirts of town is much bigger, and lots and lots of fresh graves, or so I’ve heard.” She grabbed her light coat and started stuffing stakes in the pockets. Almost there, she thought eyeing the door.

 

“What about dinner?” Dawn asked.

 

“Put some in the fridge for me okay. I’ll be back soon, really soon.” Fat chance, she though to herself. Wait until they find that I haven’t even looked at the dojo rental form yet.

 

Giles was examining the table full of papers now. “Buffy, it doesn’t look like you’ve even touched the apartment brochures.”

 

“I’ll get it when I get back,” she promised, her hand finally reaching the door knob. She practically sprinted through the door.

 

“You forgot your key,” she heard Giles yell to her retreating back.

 

All the better reason not to come home before dawn, Buffy thought. As she walked briskly down the street, leaving the apartment building behind her, she realized that she’d never been so anxious to get to a cemetery.

*********

“No!”

 

Everyone turned to look at Spike. Most of them showed confusion at his outburst, but Wesley was the one to ask.

 

“But I thought you wanted help with this problem? I think Willow would be the perfect solution. She helped us quite successfully recently with retrieving Angel’s soul.”

 

“I’d rather she not know. I’d rather Buffy not know.” Spike mumbled the last part, but Angel heard it clearly enough.

 

“I’d thought you’d be glad for the chance to see Buffy,” Angel said a little petulantly.

 

“Well, you thought wrong mate. I wouldn’t.”

 

“I don’t understand,” Fred said. “It seemed from what you said that you had…”

 

“That was before,” Spike interrupted, his voice tinged with anger. He closed his eyes and inhaled as if trying to calm himself. “I had a soul then,” he explained, his tone clipped like someone who was trying to explain something without losing his patience. “This one’s not mine. It doesn’t count, and when it goes back to her, I’ll be soulless again.”

 

“Spike…” Angel began.

 

“I’m not going to talk about this anymore!” He clenched his fists and unclenched them. “Just please, isn’t there any way you can try to help me without them first? Big evil law firm here. Endless resources. There must be something.”

 

Angel had a feeling he was missing part of the story: an important part. “Spike, what aren’t you telling us? Whatever it is, you’ll have to tell us eventually, because it’s more than likely Buffy’s going to have to find out about this. What if something’s wrong with her because she’s missing this part of her soul?”

 

Worry flashed into Spike’s expression then, and he worked his jaw a moment. “There were some bad things that happened, before… Things on both our parts…” He looked away and shook his head slightly. “That changed afterwards, but as I am now, there’d be too much of a reminder.”

 

“I’m sure we can work it out…” Angel began, but as he watched Spike he knew it was too late. His body language had changed.

 

“I’ve got to patrol,” Spike said in a voice that didn’t sound like his at all. He checked his newly acquired duster for a stake.

 

“Wait!” Angel said. “I’ll come with you.” He was glad for the fact that the sun had recently set. “We’ll take a drive to one of the bigger cemeteries.”

 

Spike shrugged. “Well, if you really wanna come, okay.” He smiled. “Just don’t get in my way. I wouldn’t want to accidentally stake you.”

 

Angel couldn’t help a grin. If not for the sincerity, that statement could have come from either one of them.

*********

They’d tried for a month to help Spike with no luck. Angel never did find out why Spike was so against Buffy finding out, because any attempt at broaching the subject had usually resulted in a change. Whatever had happened, it must have been bad, because he definitely felt guilty about it. Angel also knew that whatever it was, Buffy must have forgiven him, or she never would have told him that Spike was in her heart. Angel decided that was good enough for him right now. Once he lost the piece of soul, then he might have to reconsider.

 

The changes brought on by the piece of soul similarly made Lilah’s job nearly impossible.  After Spike found out about the cause, it made it all the more likely to happen whenever Lilah tried to get him to do anything even remotely evil. Although Angel often thought he was faking in her case. Lilah couldn’t recognize what Buffy’s behavior was supposed to look like, but it gave Spike a good excuse when he killed demons instead of who he was supposed to be killing. Then he’d innocently pretend he didn’t remember. Angel almost bought it himself, until he heard Spike snickering one night in another room as Lilah recounted once again how his “stupid progeny” as she often referred to him now, once again screwed up.

 

The charade was starting to unravel though, Angel was sure, because he could feel it in the air. The Senior Partners were beginning to wise up. He needed to restore Spike and figure out some way to get him out of this mess and far away from here. It was time to get in contact with Willow. And Buffy. Angel thought it best if Fred made first contact through Willow. The two of them had kept in contact via the internet. Angel poked his head in the research lab.

 

“Fred?”

 

Fred looked up from her most recent project. She tilted her head and smiled shyly. “You’re ready for me to get in touch with Willow,” she said.

 

Angel smiled back. “How did you guess?”

 

“Well, I figured you’d want more help after the most recent incident.” She quirked her mouth. “I mean, the Viper always was your favorite.”

 

“What?” Angel asked. “Did something happen to my car?”

 

“Oh, um, you didn’t hear?” Fred said with a little worry.

 

“Fred?” Angel prompted.

 

Fred wrinkled her nose and titled her head sideways. “Well, I guess Buffy’s not too good of a driver… At least it can be fixed,” she added cheerily. “Well eventually.”

 

Angel’s face fell. “My favorite car,” he lamented as he imagined all sorts of horrible damage. Then he plastered on a fake smile. “Fred, get Willow on the phone. Now.” If they didn’t get Spike some help soon, Angel just might kill him before the Senior Partners got a chance.

 

Chapter 5: The Horrors of Telephones and Surprisingly, Lingerie Again.

 

Angel stared at the phone for a long time, hoping it might ring and that there’d be business that required his attention on the other end. Of course it didn’t ring, because when he wanted it to, it never rang. He swore that telephones of all kinds conspired against him. Well, not out loud, because then everyone would think he was crazy.

 

Having no excuse left, he dialed the number Fred had given him. As he listened to the ringing on the other end, he slid the piece of paper Spike had given him back and forth across the desk top. There wasn’t even the usual static on the line to make it seem far away. No, this connection was going to feel up close and personal, just like they always promised on those long distance commercials. Angel really hated telephones.

 

Just as he hoped that maybe no one was home and he’d be able to delay this for a little longer, someone picked up the receiver.

 

“Hello?” The voice wasn’t Buffy’s, but that of someone younger.

 

“Is Buffy there?”

 

“Um, yeah, wait a sec.”

 

Angel attuned to the background noises he heard from the other end, thinking maybe she’d be too busy, but no, she was picking up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Buffy, I…”

 

“Angel?” she interrupted him.

 

“Yes, um sorry to disturb you.”

 

“Is something wrong? Do you need my help?”

 

“Actually there is something wrong, and I do need your help. How are you feeling?”

 

There was quiet for a moment with the sound of her breathing lulling him into a false sense of calm. He imagined that he could almost hear her forehead furrow as she considered how to answer his question.

 

“You know, Willow asked me that very same question. Something’s up isn’t it, because after I considered her question for a while, I did feel a little…” She paused a moment as if reconsidering. “But then again, maybe it’s not me. I don’t know why people expected me to be all chipper and fine again so quickly. Yeah, we all worked together to stop the apocalypse, and we did what was necessary, but that doesn’t mean that I can so easily forget how they turned on me, and geez, if it hadn’t been for Spike…” Her voice changed when she reached Spike’s name, then abruptly ground to a halt as soon as she’d uttered it.

 

“Buffy, about Spike.”

 

“Oh, you’re not gonna go all jealous vampire again on me are you, because…”

 

“No, Buffy, Spike’s here with me. In L.A.”

 

There was dead silence. He didn’t even hear the sounds of her breathing, and thought that maybe Buffy was holding her breath. Way to just plunge in there, Angel, he thought to himself. About as smooth as a stampeding elephant. A stampeding demon elephant. With fangs. After a moment, she finally did speak, but her voice was softer.

 

“That’s not funny, Angel. You know that Spike’s dead. He was buried in the hellmouth when he closed it.”

 

“He did die. Sort of, but he was brought here by the powers at Wolfram & Hart soon after the hellmouth incident.”

 

Another silence, this time accompanied by a hard intake of air. “You’re serious? And you’re just telling me this now?” she asked, flabbergasted. “And Spike didn’t even call me to tell me he was back? I am so gonna kick his ass!”

 

Okay, he hadn’t expected her mood to change that quickly. “Buffy…”

 

“This past month and a half, I’ve been all sad because I never got to really tell him how much all his help meant to me, how much his sacrifice meant to me, and what I did tell him, the jerk didn’t even believe.”

 

“Buffy!”

 

“What?” There was a little annoyance in her voice at being cut off from her rant.

 

“I would have told you, but Spike didn’t want me to.”

 

“Why would he do that? That doesn’t make sense. I want to talk to him.”

 

Angel looked down at the paper Spike had given him. On it, he’d written some things he wanted Angel to tell Buffy. It was written in simple language to minimize Spike having to think about it too much. Angel was impressed that he’d only gone into one of his states while writing it. Of course he’d had to wait until he returned to himself to finish it, but it could’ve been worse. Angel had promised to summarize the note for him with, as Spike had put it, “a little more polish, but not like a big poofter.” Sighing, Angel answered her. “I don’t think he could talk with you, Buffy. Spike’s… He’s a little weird.”

 

“Weird? Spike’s always weird, Angel.”

 

“Not like this. Well, maybe it’ll be easier if I sum up this note he gave me for you.”

 

“Angel what’s going on here? Why wouldn’t Spike want to talk to me? Or see me? Is he… scarred?” She said the last word as if it was a compromise for a much harsher word, and he could imagine Buffy conjuring up all sorts of zombie-like images of Spike.

 

He sighed again, and glancing at the note, he decided to fill her in quickly. He just wasn’t very good at subtle. “Spike didn’t want to see you, because they took his soul from him, Buffy. He wouldn’t tell me what happened before. Why that was so important…”

 

“What?” Buffy asked, but it seemed to quickly sink in. “Those bastards. He fought for that soul.”

 

“I know. I mean, I guessed.” Okay, that was actually a fib. Angel hadn’t much considered how Spike actually got his soul, and thinking about it now, he felt a little guilty for not even asking, but then there was the whole problem with Spike losing himself whenever he felt guilty, and his reason for getting the soul seemed to be a touchy subject to say the least. Speaking of which, he hoped he hadn’t paused too long in his answer, and continued on quickly. “But he didn’t want you to see him like that. He was afraid because…”

 

“Because of what happened before, because of why he got it. Yeah, I get it now, why he’d think I didn’t want to see him. Those bastards,” she repeated.

 

“He’s sorry for any hurt he might have caused you by not contacting you sooner. Especially if… Okay this next part’s going to be a shock, Buffy.”

 

“More shock? How can there be more?”

 

“Well, something very strange happened to Spike before he turned up in L.A.” Rubbing a hand over the back of his neck, Angel prepared himself to tell her about the piece of her soul. He had a feeling that this was going to take a while, and that there would be many, many interruptions before he was through.

*********

 

Buffy stared at the phone and actually tapped the headset as if checking to see that it was working properly. She’d seen that in movies once or twice and had always thought it was so fake, that no one would ever do that, yet there she was, stunned into a cliché. If she could see herself, she bet she’d have a textbook expression of “huh?” to match.

 

“Buffy? Buffy, are you there?”

 

She looked blankly at the receiver before shaking herself into answering. “Um yeah, well, at least I thought I was here. I’m beginning to think now, maybe not. We didn’t both decide to fall asleep and share a dream did we?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Um, nothing. I guess that’s a no then. Angel, are you sure about this? I mean, how? How could this have happened?”

 

“Well, we’re not entirely sure. We didn’t even know what was wrong with him at first. He was acting weird: saying things he wouldn’t usually say, eating yogurt and cheese, wearing nail polish…”

 

“Well, he used to do the nail polish before, along with a dose of eyeliner and enough gaudy jewelry to make a pimp proud, but...”

 

“Pink nail polish,” Angel clarified.

 

“Oh,” Buffy said. “Well, yeah, Spike’s not exactly a pink guy.”

 

“No, and there might have been an incident with lingerie that finally spooked him into asking us for help. That’s when he sang for Lorne and we were sure.”

 

“You got Spike to sing for you? Wait a minute, did you say lingerie?”

 

Angel only answered her first question. “Well, he wouldn’t sing at first, but then he had one of his blackouts and sang ‘Wing Beneath My Wings.’”

 

“He sang… Oh he didn’t,” Buffy moaned. She took a breath, waiting, and was relieved when Angel continued on without mentioning anything else about the song.

 

“I’m afraid so. I think that helped Lorne quite a bit in deciphering what was wrong. We’re still not sure how. Spike did mention holding your hand and there being weird flames, but that’s only a guess.”

 

“And you’re sure it’s a part of my soul?”

*********

Angel only dwelled on her question for a moment. He was more than sure. He could feel it in his own soul. “Yes, we’re sure. Right down to the craving’s for cookie dough ice cream and the horrible driving skills. It’s creepy, Buffy, sometimes he makes these expressions and… You’re not doing anything Spike-like are you, because I’m not sure I could handle that?”

 

“No, I’m just me, Angel. Maybe a little more detached than usual, but still me.”

 

“But you’re okay?”

 

“Except for that yes, I’m okay.”

 

“Because I was worried.” Some possessive part of him wanted to leave it at that, but he was the good guy so he begrudgingly added,  “Well, Spike was too, but he really wanted us to try and get your piece of soul back to you without you having to know anything, and it was very hard to reason with him when he kept… well, turning into you. We had a few incidents where I had to distract him from going out to patrol when there was still daylight, because it wasn’t easy explaining to him why he couldn’t get a head start to the graveyards. I think eventually he got it, but distraction was still easier.”

 

“I can imagine. I had a hard enough time discouraging him from going out in daylight, when he was just Spike,” Buffy commented dryly.

 

Angel snorted. Spike really was stubborn as hell.

 

“Is there going to be a way to do this, Angel? Get my piece of soul back?”

 

He tried to keep the uncertainty out of his voice. “Wesley’s been researching, but we don’t have it yet. Willow said she’d help, too, but everything we do have so far indicates that you’ll probably have to be here. It’s not like pulling a soul from the ether. This one is rooted in a being, and Wesley says it’ll be easier to return if the piece of soul has its natural body to attract it back.”

 

Buffy was very quiet a moment, and Angel could almost feel her mulling over what he’d said. Her contemplative tone when she spoke seemed to confirm his assessment.

 

“Angel, do you think we should leave it?”

 

“What? Leave the piece of your soul?” Why would she even suggest that?

 

“Yes. I’m okay. I mean, I’m not perfect, but I’ll live, but if we take it away from Spike, then he’ll be…” She left the last words unsaid, but they both knew what they were.

 

“I know, but we don’t have a choice I don’t think. He can’t live much longer like this. It’s getting worse, and he’s too unpredictable. I can’t be there to watch him all the time. He’s going to get himself killed one day by stepping out into the sun or something.”

 

“It’s that bad?”

 

“Most of the time it’s guilt that brings it on, but all it takes sometimes is a memory to trigger it. And his blackout periods are lasting longer.”

 

“What’ll happen if we do this: put the piece of soul back in me? What if he can’t get his own soul back?”

 

“I don’t know. We’ll have to cross that bridge when we come to it. How did he get it in the first place?”

 

“I’m not entirely sure. He said that there were trials. Pain and torture. He went to Africa to get it. I’m not sure how long it took him to get back, but he…” she trailed off.

 

“What, Buffy?”

 

“He was insane when I found him, Angel. He’d… cut himself, said he’d tried to cut it out. It took him a while before he was even coherent again. I’m not sure if he’d be willing to go through that again.”

 

Angel knew all too well the burdens of having a soul, and the temptation to just let it all go sometimes. Maybe it was time to get a hold of Lilah, literally by her scrawny, fragile neck, and get some answers out of her. “I’ll find out what really happened to Spike’s soul, Buffy. I promise.”

 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can get a break from things here, and Angel?”

 

He heard something in her voice. He wasn’t sure exactly what it was, maybe concern for him… or for Spike or maybe both of them. He didn’t think he could take knowing for sure. “It’s okay, Buffy. We’ll fix this.”

 

“I know. I’ll see you soon.”

 

As soon as Angel hung up the phone, it rang. “Oh sure, now you ring,” he muttered at it before grabbing up the receiver. “Angel speaking.”

 

“Boss, we have a situation in the lobby that I think you need to take care of,” Harmony’s voice said through the receiver.

 

“Please let it be a demon,” Angel sighed.

 

“How did you know?” Harmony asked chipperly. “I mean did you have Wolfram and Hart give you psychic abilities, because I was thinking of maybe having them…”

 

Angel hung up on her mid sentence and hastily rose from his chair. He was at the elevator a moment later and in the lobby soon after that. Of course, he was still too late; security had taken care of the demon. “Dammit!” Angel complained.

 

“Yes, I’m not sure how that happened,” Wesley noted as he joined him in the lobby, obviously misunderstanding Angel’s reason for cursing. “I have a feeling that won’t be the end of this though.”

 

“Really?” Angel asked hopefully, then cleared his throat. “I mean, are you sure? What do we know about these demons?”

 

“Some, but I think I should maybe find out some more…”

 

“I’ll do it, Wesley. I’m sure you have a lot to do and I could use a break from the Hawthorn negotiation.”

 

“Well, alright,” Wesley agreed a little uncertainly.

 

“Go ahead and bring the relevant texts to my office, would you?” Angel knew better than to ask Wesley to have someone else bring them. The former watcher was extremely protective of his special books.

 

“How about I gather the information for you and you can read it over? Then we’ll make a plan. I have a feeling it will involve at least a little bit of demon hunting.” Wesley smiled, and Angel had the feeling that the other man was aware of his need to get out and do some old fashioned ass-kicking at this particular moment.

 

“Thank God, and yes, I’ll be upstairs waiting for the information.”

 

Wesley chuckled. “Talk to the ex a bit ago? And is she coming here to help with our Spike situation?”

 

“Yes, so I hope to have this demon situation resolved before then.”

 

“I’ll get you the information. Then I’ll get everything I have on Spike’s dilemma together in preparation for her arrival.”

 

“Thank you, Wesley,” Angel said genuinely, glad that Wesley knew what he needed without having to be told. He headed to his office to wait. The fact that he made it to the elevator door and it was already closing when Harmony spied him and tried to say something was simply a bonus.

*********

Wesley gathered all of the pertinent information on the Koshnik demons, and a nasty lot they were too. Well, he supposed most demons weren’t fluffy little kittens now were they? Somehow they always seemed nastier though when mucus was involved. Tucking the loose materials carefully under his arm so he could devote two hands to his precious, special text, Wesley headed for Angel’s office. He hoped that the demon venture might give Angel a much needed lift. His boss had seemed increasingly unhappy with their current situation and the increasing amounts of gray area it seemed to entail. Of course Buffy’s impending arrival probably didn’t help either.

 

He knocked on the door, making sure to hide any hint of musing from his expression. “I have what you need.”

 

“Come on in, Wesley.”

 

Wesley opened the door. “Harmony not back yet?” He indicated the empty chair behind the secretary’s desk.

 

“I think she took a coffee break after the demon clean-up.”

 

“Well, Koshnik demons are rather messy. Nasty too.” He handed the materials over to Angel, not letting go of the book until he was sure that Angel had a good grip on it. “Hang on to this when you’re done. I’ll pick it up later.”

 

“That’s okay, Wes. I can always have Harmony bring it back…” he trailed off, smiling ever so slightly at what Wesley presumed was his look of total horror as he imagined the awful things which could befall his text in the hands of the blonde vampire.

 

“Very funny,” Wesley commented. “If you consider something like having an ice pick stuck in your eye funny.”

 

“Depends on the context,” Angel deadpanned. Sometimes Wesley forgot the vampire could be humorous.

 

“Well, have fun with your demon research. Let me know if you need any help combating them.”

 

“Sure thing, Wesley,” Angel said with a vague, half-wave. He already had his gaze buried in the information.

*********

“A nasty demon, huh?” Spike asked a bit too enthusiastically as he popped in the door. He rubbed his hands together expectantly.

 

Oh damn, Angel thought. He overheard. “I have to research it a little first. We can’t just go charging out blindly.” Wondering if he’d see through that little exaggeration, he sighed and faced Spike, who at the moment reminded Angel of an excited puppy who was told he had to sit instead of getting to play. That could mean only one thing. Spike was bored and needed a distraction, because when he was bored, he got to thinking, and when he got to thinking, he felt guilty, and when he felt guilty…

 

“Darn,” Spike announced, plopping himself down on a chair. He slouched and folded his arms over his chest. The pout, though, that was the icing on the cake. He couldn’t have looked more like Buffy at that moment unless he had a wig and a dress. Actually that was a scary thought considering he’d already been subjected to the dress part of that sight. Damn, Angel hated rerun season. At least TV shows would have kept Spike distracted.

 

Okay, he had to handle this delicately. Wesley was getting tired of Spike eating all his cheese, and he’d just eaten the last of the yogurt this afternoon. Moving his gaze back to the research book he was reading, Angel sighed again. “I think there’s a new carton of chocolate cookie dough ice cream in the freezer in the break room. Why don’t you have some of that?”

 

Spike’s chin came up. “Is there fudge? Or whip cream?”

 

“Probably. Why don’t you go look?”

 

“Goody,” Spike announced as he bounced up and headed for the break room down the hall.

 

Okay, so that was a temporary solution, but Spike could afford to gain a few pounds, if food even made a vampire gain weight that was, and it would keep him busy for the moment. Angel grinned evilly. If Spike figured out that he was the one who kept buying all the fattening cookie dough ice cream, there’d be hell to pay.

 

Angel got a good twenty minutes worth of research in on the demon problem, before he heard a very annoyed Spike yell “Angel!” from down the hallway. He had to bite his lip to keep a straight face. “Not now, Spike, I’ve got to get the gang together to discuss the demon.” He put down his book and walked to his door which Spike had left ajar. He barely got it closed before he started snickering.

*********

Spike smiled. Killing the demons had been extremely fun and surprisingly hadn’t brought on any feelings of guilt whatsoever.  Even Angel seemed to have a good time with the little spot of violence. That had been nice to see. They’d actually shared a little bonding moment there, he reckoned. Only it isn’t going to last, now is it, he asked himself wryly. Once the soul was returned to Buffy, things weren’t so certain. Angel had let him go before when he’d been soulless, but that Angel hadn’t been the same creature. Now he was committed to his mission and plagued enough by morally gray decisions. Spike wasn’t sure his grandsire would allow him to be yet another example of such a compromise.

 

Deciding he better get his things in order, Spike made his way down the hallway towards the elevator. Willow and Buffy would likely be here soon, and if something were to go wrong… well he didn’t really have anything of value, but he wanted to leave some final words. He heard footsteps rushing up behind him. He knew it was Fred even before she followed him into the elevator.

 

She looked at him a bit shyly. “So this might be your last few days as you are, huh?”

 

“Looks like.”

 

“Um, well, I’ll kind of miss the fun we have. It’s only been a couple of times, but they were quite memorable. I’d even gotten you a new outfit.”

 

Spike smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

 

“But, since it’s so close and all…”

 

“You want one more go, huh?” He smiled at her.

 

“It is black silk,” she said, looking at him coyly.

 

“Well, can’t see as I can refuse that, love. You want me to drop by in a bit?”

 

“I’d like that.”

 

The bell to the elevator rang. “Your floor, pet. I’ll be by in a moment. I’ll freshen up a bit first.”

 

She giggled a bit as she exited the elevator, looking back for a last peek as the doors closed. Ah, bugger it, Spike thought. Forget the bloody last words. I’ll be fine. Smiling as he entered his room, he quickly shucked his clothes and headed for the shower. He took his time, making sure he used the good stuff so that he’d smell really nice. It was sweet really. Black was his favorite while she liked the blue, so it was thoughtful of her to get black for him. He smirked as he dried off and dressed in something easily removed. He really must be crazy doing this, but what the hell?

 

As he finally approached her suite door, he almost had second thoughts, but then she opened the door before he even had the chance to knock. With that adorable, hopeful smile, how he could refuse her? Then she held up the silky black number she’d picked out for him, her mouth curved up in just a hint of a naughty smile, and he knew he couldn’t. Ah, hell, he’d think of something to make him feel guilty.

*********

Angel looked around. Why was Harmony only around when he didn’t need her? He hadn’t even made it to his office yet. People just kept stopping him, asking him to sign this, authorize that. Couldn’t they see he had Koshnik demon guts and mucus all over him? Stupid demons.

 

Okay, the demon killing had been fun at first, but Wesley really should have stressed just how much mucus was involved. And why had it seemingly all ended up on him? Well, Spike had gotten some on him, but he really hadn’t seemed to care, and somehow Angel had the feeling he knew about the mucus beforehand, because he left his coat behind which he hardly ever did. Angel mentally berated Spike in his head, grumbling as he finally made it to his office, but not before the mucus and guts had dried on his coat in sticky masses, again.

 

“Oh there you are, boss,” Harmony said to him as she emerged from the elevator and walked to her desk. She looked him over with a pitying expression. “Oh you better get yourself cleaned up, because you have visitors.” She smiled brightly. “Wesley is bringing up Willow and Buffy. Remember you were expecting them?”

 

No, the thing that I’ve been worrying about over the last few days just happened to suddenly slip my mind, he though sarcastically, but he didn’t say that. Instead he tried to keep his teeth from clenching. “And when did Wesley say he’d be coming up? I’m sure he’ll want to fill them in on what’s going on…”

 

The elevator door dinged cheerily just before it opened to reveal Wesley, Willow, and Buffy.

 

“Here they are now, Boss,” Harmony announced helpfully.

 

Angel would have glared at her longer, but he had other concerns. She didn’t give him the chance anyway, rushing off instead to do something else likely not useful.

 

“Angel,” Buffy said as she walked up to him. “You look… messy.” The look on Willow’s face seemed to second Buffy’s statement, but she tried hard to hide it.

 

Wesley was looking at him sheepishly, probably reading the expression Angel was giving him loud and clear. “I thought I’d bring Buffy up here, because Willow and I have much to discuss that likely won’t make much sense to her at this point. I thought maybe you could fill her in in the meantime.”

 

“That’s okay,” Buffy said. “I’ll muddle through. I’m sure Angel would like to get that…”

 

“Mucus,” he supplied.

 

Buffy made a face which Angel at least thought was cute. He would’ve thought Buffy would be jaded to such things by now. Then again, mucus was in a class by itself that even guts and blood couldn’t touch. He couldn’t help but smile at her.

 

“Fred might be able to help,” Wesley suggested. “Then Angel could get cleaned up, and you’d still be up to speed.”

 

“Good idea, Wes,” Angel said in a tone that let the other man know he was half-way forgiven but not entirely out of the woods yet. “Was she headed to her suite when you talked with her?”

 

“Yes, I believe she was,” Wesley answered. “She said she’d be taking a break for a bit. She’d had a long day, and it is that time.”

 

Angel thought ruefully that he wished his other employees would realize that every once in a while, but when demons worked for you, they didn’t always follow the usual work day schedule. “Fred can fill you in, Buffy.” He glanced apologetically at his crusted coat. “I’ll try not to be too long.”

 

“That’s okay,” Buffy told him with a smile. “Guts can be a bitch to wash off.”

 

Angel smiled back. “Fred’s on the 43^rd floor, suite D.”

 

“You’ll like Fred, Buffy,” Willow added as she stepped beside Wesley waiting at the elevator. “She’s really nice.”

 

Buffy smiled at her. “Have fun with the spell talk, Willow.”

 

“Will do,” Willow called back. She was already heading onto the elevator with Wesley.” So what kind of spell do you think this was?” The elevator doors closing blocked out most of Wesley’s response.

 

Buffy looked at him with one last smile and said, “Go ahead, Angel. I’ll see you soon.” He watched her until the elevator doors closed.

*********

Well, this was it: Fred’s suite. Angel agreed that Fred would likely know where Spike was and be able to fill her in on the details of what they knew so far. Buffy had agreed with Wesley that if she’d stuck with him and Willow, she’d have been lost in an avalanche of magical terms and mystical whatevers. Her friend had already been almost literally bursting with energy at the thought of a new spell prospect that might be helpful. Buffy wondered how she’d been able to keep the secret from her until Angel had called to tell her about Spike.

 

Well, no real reason to stall here. She knocked softly on the door. “Fred?”

 

“Yes,” she heard from the other side, so she opened the door.

 

“Wait a minute,” Fred finished belatedly, and then, “oh.” The girl blushed furiously. As Buffy opened the door wider, she saw that Fred was surrounded on the bed by a wide array of lingerie.

 

“Sorry,” Buffy told her with a smile. “But that’s okay, we’re all girls here. I’m Buffy.” She stuck out her hand for Fred to shake, but before she could take it, someone distracted them both.

 

“I don’t know,” said a voice from behind a dressing screen. “Are you sure this pink doesn’t make me look fat?” The voice sounded familiar, but weird. That couldn’t be….

 

Spike came out from behind the screen garbed in a pink teddy with black bows, silk stockings and black, high-heeled ankle boots. He was looking back over his shoulder, trying to get a look at his rear. Her mouth hanging open, Buffy stared.

 

“It does, doesn’t it?” He looked up and startled a bit on seeing her.

 

“It’s alright, Spike,” Fred said encouragingly. “It’s just Buffy.”

 

“Buffy,” Spike said happily. He smiled. “I just have one more I promised to show Fred, okay?” He held up one finger. “And then we have so much catching up to do.” He went behind the screen and before Buffy had time to do more than recover her senses and give Fred an odd look as she pointed to the screen, he was back out again, this time in a black number with subtle lace accents.

 

“Well, does it look as good as you hoped?” Spike asked, doing a slow turn.

 

“Better,” Fred told him. “I knew it would look great on you.” She looked somewhat shyly at Buffy, blushing a bit, before turning back to Spike. “But go ahead and get changed, because I’m sure Buffy wants to see you.”

 

Spike nodded and smiled at Buffy. “I’ll be out in a few minutes,” he told her and he slipped into Fred’s bathroom. Buffy turned to Fred once the shock wore off, ready to ask a question, but the woman started a rush of words before she even got the chance. “Okay, I know that this seems odd…”

 

“Odd?” Buffy asked incredulously. “What was that?”

 

“Well, it’s sort of Spike, but he has, well, your personality sometimes, and this is one of the things he likes to do then, and well…” She blushed and looked down. “I kinda like it. A lot.”

 

Buffy felt jealousy coming on, but she stomped it down, mostly. “Are you and he?” She made vague hand gestures that nevertheless must’ve gotten her point across, because Fred’s eyes widened.

 

“No! No, not at all. Just looking,” Fred assured her. “I’d never… See, he doesn’t remember it mostly, so he lets me play as long as I wait until we’re done to snap him out of it.”

 

Buffy looked at her,  her own brain considering for a moment what she could do with a Spike who wouldn’t remember later, before she stomped that thought with a high heeled boot – like Spike had worn a moment ago on his lean, muscular legs... Okay not helping. Fred, on the other hand, appeared not to have indulged, because Buffy could tell from the sincere expression that the woman was telling the truth. She guessed the truth was weird enough anyway.

 

“You won’t tell anyone, will you?” Fred asked.

 

“Not sure I believe it yet myself,” Buffy told her. After a moment she added. “So Spike in lingerie, huh?” Her eyebrows rose skeptically.

 

“Oh come on,” Fred said. “He looks totally hot.” She bit her lip and blushed furiously again.

 

“Well, the boots were definitely cute,” Buffy agreed.

 

“His favorite too. Oh, but you better wait outside…” Fred said suddenly. She flicked a glance at her bathroom door as if she was worried that he’d emerge at any moment. “He might get suspicious if you’re here and think you saw him.” Bouncing quickly off the bed, Fred opened the door for her. “Wait a moment then knock,” she suggested.

 

Though it might be fun to tease Spike, Buffy decided she’d spare him that potential trauma. Smiling as she went out into the hallway, she decided that didn’t mean she couldn’t eavesdrop though. She put her ear to the door, pleasantly surprised that she could hear almost everything.

 

She heard Fred knocking on the bathroom door. “We’re all finished, Spike.”

 

She didn’t hear Spike come out, but she heard his voice answer huskily as he entered the room. “So, did you have a good time, pet?”

 

“As always,” Fred agreed.

 

“Didn’t take any pictures I hope,” he said in a mock gruff voice. “Those always end up getting where they shouldn’t.”

 

“Oh, no. No pictures, I promise,” Fred said. “Though it was tempting, I’ll admit. You looked really great in that silk one I bought you.”

 

Spike’s voice got serious then. “You know, Fred, if this works, I might not be able to stay.”

 

“Well, no, I wouldn’t expect you to, um, keep trying on lingerie…” she trailed off.

 

Spike snorted a small laugh. “No love, I didn’t mean that. I meant that I probably won’t be able to stay here, being all evil again and such.”

 

“There are things I can still do,” Fred told him. “Don’t give up yet…”

 

“Wouldn’t want to hurt you, pet.”

 

“You wouldn’t…”

 

“Won’t have a soul anymore. It’s gotta go back where it belongs, and once it does, it’s gonna be harder for me to fight them.”

 

“They do awful things to you, don’t they?” Fred asked, her voice catching a little.

 

Buffy had to strain to catch her words that time. She frowned at the implication of the words, wondering who Fred was talking about.

 

“I think that comes with the whole evil package, now doesn’t it? And I think they’re losing patience with me. They’ll know when I’m… here, take this.”

 

“A stake? What do you want me to…”

 

“In case you need it, pet. If I have to be done in, you’re one of three I’d prefer to do it.”

 

“Spike I’m not going to…” She yelped a little.

 

“Never forget what I am,” Spike told her.

 

Buffy heard Fred relax with an audible sigh, and assumed that Spike had let go of her. His voice was quieter as he continued.

 

“I can control it some, but it’s not always easy under the best of circumstances. It’s not like I mindlessly go out and bite everybody. I didn’t bite her, for example. Didn’t want to once I knew how I felt. Eventually though, they’re going to get to me. I’m not daft enough to think otherwise.”

 

Buffy knew in her gut that she was the “her” Spike had referred to. She’d always wondered how hard it had been for him not to bite her.

 

“Angel will help. He won’t let them…”

 

“He’s given me a chance until now, pet, but once the soul is gone, he won’t be so sentimental. If he has to do me in, I’d accept that too.”

 

“Oh, that’s a bunch of crap,” Fred said suddenly. “You would not.”

 

Buffy raised her eyebrows in surprise. She’d bought it.

 

“What makes you say that?” Spike asked with amusement.

 

“You’d fight him tooth and nail, and you know it,” Fred answered. “And that’s one fight I wouldn’t be interested in being anywhere near, either. And if I had to choose…”

 

“Know that, pet. I’d lose respect for you if you didn’t.”

 

“If I had to choose, it would be hard,” she told him seriously. “I’ve known Angel longer, and we’ve worked closely together. Not to mention that he saved me from a hell dimension, but…”

 

“Sharing a lingerie secret brings me close to your heart,” Spike teased.

 

“Something like that,” Fred replied with a tone in which Buffy could almost hear the accompanying smile. “Of course, I would ultimately have to choose Angel,” she continued, her tone increasing in its teasing quality. Then she almost squealed as if being tickled or something, and Buffy wished she knew what was going on. “Stop these are delicate,” Fred scolded.

 

“That’s why they’re called delicates, pet, and hey!”

 

Buffy heard Fred giggle.

 

“Fancy I’ve done enough wearing of these already today. Don’t need em on my head. ‘Sides, I’ve gotta get serious.” He took a heavy breath. “God, I hate this. Why couldn’t they have just left me dead?”

 

Buffy startled as she heard the sound of a slap.

 

“Hey, ow!” Spike complained.

 

“Sorry. I was afraid I was going to lose you there for a minute.”

 

“Oh, right. Right you were, ducks. Thanks. That thought process would’ve made me slip again.”

 

Buffy decided she better not wait any longer. Fred was likely wondering what happened to her as it was, or then again, maybe not. She did seem to be quite cozy with Spike. Pulling herself up straighter, Buffy took a breath, deciding she better do this now before she lost her nerve. She knocked on the door, the wood feeling harder against her knuckles than it should have.

 

“Come in,” Fred’s voice answered from inside.

 

Buffy gripped the door knob hard and opened. “Hey, Spike. I’m here.”

 

TBC