The Little Mermaid
Author's Name: the Emperor's Sister

Author's e-mail: [email protected]

Name of the Fanfiction: the Little Mermaid

Link to Fanfiction: http://gurlpages.com/tiganas/slaymer.html

Warnings: hetero Lina/Zel

Type: COMEDY!! and some romance

58 points; ***

Grammar: Fairly good. There were some parts I was getting tired of the same adjective being used OVER and OVER, but it was rather good. 18.
Spelling: There was really nothing that glared at Me. 20.
Readability: Ugh. Black on blue is rather hard to read. Also, around scene thirteen, the text started to be ALL italics, instead of italics for thoughts and the such. 10.
How plot handled: This was rather funny, with Lina and Rezo spellcasting. And the crossdressing Zolf too. However, it seemed most of the dialogue was taken from the movie. That is quite the down side. 14.
Plot: This is based of the movie, The Little Mermaid. However, anyone who has read the actual story knows that it was quite different. It irks Me to see people basing a story on the less accurate movie. 10.

Overall points: 72

Three and 1/2 stars.

Grammar: Nothing too bad all at once, but there were more than a few 
typo-type errors and simple mistakes that could have been fixed with a 
second read-through. They got irritating after a while. Also, the constant 
changes between dialogue and script stype became old really fast. I mean 
REALLY fast. _Really, REALLY_...okay, you get the point.
13/20.
Spelling: As in Grammar, nothing too bad, just the occasional typo, but 
nothing in particular I can think of to pick on.
17/20.
Readability: Here, again, that script style that came up for no apparent 
reason in some places takes its toll. There were parts (such as the SI 
bits) that perhaps had a reason to be in a different format, and some where 
the style made some sense; but other places were just completely random, and 
I hate that. The big "Hey stupid! A scene change" titles weren't much fun 
either. The *****'s that were also used would have sufficed perfectly well. 
Readability is _very_ important to me; if I can't read it quickly, it 
loses a lot in my brain. However, the doublespace between paragraphs was 
appreciated.
10/20.
How the plot was handled: REKKA~A SHINEN!! Oh--wait. Sorry, I lost track of 
who I was for a minute. As my Tasuki channeling made clear, this part... 
was not the best I've ever seen. By a long shot. There was _no_ need for 
the self-insert other than to annoy the reader and to make certain plot 
points easier to write. It may be a little harsh, but eh... you want sappy, 
give your fanfics to a Ryuuzoku to write. *takes a draw on her cigarette 
and waves it at the fic* I despise self-inserts that aren't hysterically 
funny. This wasn't.
0/20.
Plot: Well...obviously this plot has been done before, as it's a simple 
shift of Slayers characters into the plot of Disney's The Little Mermaid. 
No huge surprises, really... except the ending is a little different, and 
more appropriate to Lina than the original TLM ending would have been. It's 
not the greatest fusion I've ever seen, either...
10/20.
Random stuff: Well... this fic wasn't as brain-hurtingly bad as some I've 
been subjected to, but on the other hand it wasn't nearly as good as others. 
About par, I'd say--except the self-insertion part dragged it down from 
average to below average.
Total: 50 points

2 1/2 stars

Grammar: I stopped looking for them a quarter of a way into the fic, some 
sentence structure, a couple of incomplete sentences. 17/20

Spelling: I don't think there were any, and if there were, I didn't catch 
them and you're lucky.. 20/20

Readability: Story easy to understand, though it might be because I've 
watched Disney's "Little Mermaid" But that's what a parody is all about 
right? It might get confusing for somebody who has never watched "Little 
Mermaid" before, or doesn't have a great memory. Black on a blue background 
made my head hurt reading it, though blue is my favorite colour, and I was 
sick while reading it, so it might not be a problem after all. Second half 
of the fic was in italic making it really difficult to read. 15/20

How the plot is handled: Great beginning, weak ending and I lost my 
concentration on it halfway through. The ending was dragged out somewhat 
and left me with a feeling of frustration. 10/20

Plot: A rewrite of Disney's "Little Mermaid" Great jokes worked in, a good 
twist, a plot hole here and there as the author assumes the reader has 
watched the movie and knows what's going on. 17/20

Review: Good story, might make my head hurt less if it's cut into two parts 
or something. 79/100

Four stars

I'd hate to have this story and it's review be marred by personal life, but it has been. As such, please excuse the lack of accuracy or coharantness in this review.

The beginning was rather tedious and dragged a bit. It did get funnier as it went on, and made it a little more enjoyable. The ending was quite enjoyable. It was fairly standarn fusion fare, and it was entertaining. The actions of the characters so that the story remains the same weren't too contrived. 

On the readablity, the transition from script to prose was very annoying. Also the story was in all italics toward the end, further annoying me. However, it was coharant and the grammar errors were few and not all that glaring.

30 points, 2 1/2 stars
Amelia, thinking it could work, but knowing from the beginning it never would.