Slayers FUTURE

Author's Name: Aurous
Author's E-mail: [email protected]
 Name of the Fanfiction: Slayers Future Part One
Link to Fanfic: http://www.geocities.com/aurous_01/slayersfuture.html
Warnings: Not really, barely any violence, a few curses (again, not many). If you want couple
warnings, I'd say Lina/Zel is a bias there as well as Gourry/Sylphiel.
Type: Um . . . well, there's humor in it, not too much romance . . . I guess it'd go under epic
adventures or something around there.
Summary: This story takes place 10,000 years or so after Slayers, the first season. Here, the Slayers world has changed into one that is industrial in nature, a world much like ours. The main time-line of Slayers Next and Try has never occurred, but other important events have, changing and shaping the world to what it is today. But what happened to magic, you say? And where do Lina, Gourry, Zelgadiss, Amelia, and Sylphiel fit into this world? Follow along the story of the Slayers and join the gang in their discovery of the mysterious secret which binds past,
present, and future!

90 points total, **** 1/2

Grammar: From what I could see, the grammar was very good. Nothing jumped out, saying "I am wrong!" 20.
Spelling: A few mistakes here and there, nothing major, however. Some of the mistakes can been caught by a spellchecker, some not. 18.
Readability: The story flows wonderfully, and it is obvious where there is a new section of the story. 20.
How plot handled: Slightly sketchy, however, I am just reviewing the first chapter. It is possible that the plot will be completely reveled, and not only that, but it seems that it will be handled well. 19.
Plot: Starts almost Utena-ish, and I am a fan of Shoujo Kakumei Utena. However, like Utena, it seems that the plot will not pick up and become incredibly interesting until near the middle or the end. 18.

95 points. Five stars.

I'm sorry, but first off, I must say, I love this fic! And I'm the star! *victory sign* I think you'll be getting some good reviews...Good Luck!
Grammar: I am impressed with you grammar actually. It's better than most, but there are still little things here and there, 19/20.
Spelling: Of what I saw, you did pretty well in this department. Did you use spell check? Just asking. Anyway, I did find a few scattered around, so once again you get a 19/20.
Readability: This story was easy for me to read and understand, not to mention how well explained everything. Very Good! 20/20
Plot: The plot is still kinda fuzzy, but it still is understandable. It will probably get clearer in the later chapters, ne? 15/20.
How Plot was Handled: Although the plot is fuzzy at the moment, it is still played out very nicely. Once again, I commend you. 18/20.

And the total...*cues little slayers chibis to do drum roll* Drumm........91 points, 4 and a half stars!!!! *victory sign* Great Job! Now you can treat me to dinner! ^-^ I wasn't kidding, give me food!

Really great writing style. I can't remember the details much, since I read it long long ago... but I know that it was really interesting. The plot was original (at least, that I know of...) and should keep people continue reading. There were no grammar or spelling mistakes that I know of, and it was easy to read. so, three times twenty is 60... The plot was nice, as for how it handled... I think it must have lacked some suspense, because I stopped reading... so... 10 for how it handled... then.... 

90 points, that gives it 4 1/2 stars! Kewl! 

I've read thus fanfic before and I have to admit I've always enjoyed it. To start with, I have very little to complain about the grammar of this story, though does at points have a tendency to be...well, for me, off, there are parts when I have reread the sentence to catch it again. 
Grammar: 18
For a change someone who makes sure that most of their words are correctly spelled. I don't really recall to many mistakes. Most of them seem to be mistakes in grammar where one word is used instead of another. I did find a couple of misspelled words. I'm glad to see that the writer made very good use of the spelling checker!
Spelling: 18
The flow of the story is very good. Hardly nay problems for me in reading it except for some grammar problems I already addressed earlier. The events are nicely pieced together and each leads well into the next, making the reader eagerly anticipate what is to come.
Readability: 18
Good handling of the plot, hints are dropped nicely all over the fanfic. And they happen to be so subtle that it keeps the reader guessing and on one's toes. 
How plot handled: 18
Alright, the best part of this story is the plot. I really enjoy the way the twists of the tale. There's definitely that element in the 
The plot is still developing, but whatever it is, it's bound to be something that's unexpected. Still, given it's got a long way to go. It's hard to give a really review since this is only the beginning and I can tell by the way it's coming out it's going to be good. Still I feel that this fanfic was given in too early for it to be reviewed so I'm not certain I can give a good enough rate for a plot as the plot's only really beginning to unfold.
Plot: 18

My only complaint or dislike is the part where the author defines Holy Magic. It's a power/magic that summons the Shinzoku only. And well, the idea of Lina as a "shrine" priestess really threw me off. Black Magic may have been cliche but, still, Lina's known to be more of a "jack of all trades" kind of girl. If she isn't, then Lina's at a disadvantage. And well, she's missing a crucial element that makes her Lina. I would suggest that she "bend" the rules�okay fine, BREAK the rules of the school? The idea of the school only allowing specialization, I can understand but I seriously don't think Lina's going to follow it. The idea of Lina only being able to cast Holy Magic is inconceivable� @.@

The author's idea of Holy Magic having a wider field...doesn't really sit well with me. It's the idea that, Holy Magic implies "goodness" or the Shinzoku. It certainly can't be said to be Mazoku since that's already there. Leaving along the understood Definitions of Black, White, Shamanism and Holy Magic.

I can't really believe L-sama's power to be added to the list of Holy magic. L-sama's not Completely Holy nor is she Completely Dark. That's why when you one thinks about it, She is the "GOLDEN DARKNESS". A mix of both. IF there's a magic that calls on her, I feel it falls underneath a category all it's own. 

And from what I can remember of Try, Holy Magic is mostly a White glow rather than a "golden" and in there was gold, it's not like the gold of L-sama...More of the light of Ceipheed, a pale good.

Magic in the slayers world is confusing enough as it is. It's better to simply create a new line of magic, leaving the already present ones alone. If the author was to make it branch perhaps that would work better�still I find the concept rather illogical. Again, I may be wrong but, since I only have up to chapter 3 to work with, what I have found isn't enough to support what is being presented.

So that would be for me to give the story -5. Some parts of the Slayers I feel need to be kept the same. Namely, the magic being one of them. Feel free to add new kind but do not to change the definitions of the ones set down. Also, it's best to warn the reader in advance since there are many who may not know the true "definition" of magic in the slayers and will write works that support YOUR definition without them realizing you're not following the real definitions of Magic in the Slayers World.

Total Score: 85 points or 4 1/4 stars. 

Added commentary: This Slayers story is one that is a must read. It leaves any reader wishing for more and again, I would have suggested that the author waited a while more before she gave the fanfic to be reviewed. There's so little to go by and well, I personally feel that the story isn't given the right justice since it's not even mid-way finished, the plot is good so far but it's hardly really begun. And from what little I can read, this will only get better.

Grammar: Mistakes were very minor. One of few that I've read that hardly has any mistakes. Sentence structure was occassionally off for me (but that's probably just me), but not a big problem. 18 points.
Spelling: Wow! Spelling was excellent! I didn't really see anything wrong here - though I would have rather used certain words instead of some used (waah, need sleep, I can't remember them right now, sorry) to improve the story flow. 19 points
Readability: Nice flow, well conceived plot. The story had a good start, making one wonder what happened at first. Reaches out and hooks the reader, stringing him or her along. All the characters were nicely introduced and the events lead up to one another very neatly. 20 points.
How Plot was handled: Very nicely done, as I've said before. The characters were nicely *in* character, and I liked how Lina's relationship with her sister (missing her) was handled. Good start, a good insertion of action and intrigue at the beginning. 19 points
Plot: As I've said several times before, this is a well thought-of plot. Since the story is still developing, I'm very curious as to where it will lead. Another note for me is the fact that the author is only using characters from the first season of Slayers, which is a change. Though the intrigue of the plot is arousing my interest, I can't really give this as high a grade as I would if the story were already finished, since the story *is* only beginning. 16 points.

My gripe here is the fact that Lina can only cast holy magic. Holy magic and Lina doesn't seem to add up (Holy magic and Sylphiel, yes, holy magic and Lina? No.) as Lina's specialty has always been black and Nighmare. The idea of Lina as a priestess is odd as her personality doesn't seem to suit it (as Filia's isn't and Sylphiel's does) Personally, I don't think Lina follows that many rules, and she'll break them if it gives her an advantage.
Moreover, Holy Magic is concentrated on healing and anti-mazoku attacks (ergo, astral-based) which is why the Ryuzoku of Try use it a lot. It is also handy or defensive (Milgazia's "Roller the Road" spell or Ray Freeze) but those aren't so many. The fact it also draws on the Shinzoku (Ceiphied or the four Dragon Gods that he left behind) says a lot. By definition, Holy Magic calls only on them, and not on L-sama, or else the Ryuzoku would be able to call on L-sama as well, and a lot more people would have been able to. L-sama's power is neither Holy or Mazoku-based black, but rather the gray area between. In fact, L-sama's power was never heard of until Lina used the Giga Slave. It is generally categorized as Black in many information pages, but I think it's a category all of its own (Nightmare).
I could be wrong (as there are only three chapters thus far) with the way magic is being treated here, but there are some things in Slayers that should be kept canon, and magic is one of them. I think it would have been better to make a new brand of magic altogether if one wanted to change the rules. So I'll have to subtract 5 points.

18+19+20+16+19 = 87 points, four stars.