logicofrisk

The Logic Of Risk Taking
By: Chocolatequeen

Chapter 1: Nothing Ventured.

T'Pol paced the limited confines of her quarters. Never before had she felt closed in here, but tonight she felt a deep desire for wide open spaces to run through, to run from her own whirling thoughts. "No," she contradicted herself. "My thoughts do not 'whirl.' A Vulcan is always in control of her mind and emotions." Thinking about what she had just said, she came to a halt in the middle of her room. "If I am always in control, then why am I pacing?"

The answer came easily: to control your thoughts, you must first understand them. T'Pol acknowledged to herself that she did not completely understand everything in her mind at the moment. "Then I must apply the rules of logic to them so they become clear," she muttered decisively. "When did this unsettling confusion begin?"

Once she returned to logic, her reasoning abilities came to the fore. "It is this human fascination with risk taking that I cannot comprehend. First Captain Archer told me the story of his colleague who had taken risks that would have been unheard of on Vulcan and certainly not approved of by the High Command. Risks are not logical, because their very nature inhibits your ability to ascertain the outcome. It is no wonder the advisory council disapproved of Earth's venture into deep space if everything was based on taking risks."

She stopped and pondered for a bit-had the end results validated the risks taken however? Reluctantly, she was forced to admit that they had. "Humans seem to judge success by how many risks are taken. Captain Robinson told Captain Archer that he would never get into deep space without being willing to take some risks. That is contrary to everything I have ever been taught, and yet in the two years I have been on Enterprise, I have seen the benefits it can give. Certainly we would not be here today if both of those men and Commander Tucker as well had followed the more logical path advocated by the Vulcan advisors.

"But that was not the only risk we spoke of today. I informed the captain from the start that the likelihood of finding a dark matter nebula was slim, but he still insisted on allocating time and crew people on the chance that it would be there. And even though he was weighted down by the death of his friend, he still remained hopeful that we would find it. I countered his optimism with logic, reminding him that even optimism cannot alter the laws of physics. It did not seem to work."

Here she paused her thoughts, almost smiling wryly as she remembered what had happened directly after that. Instead of giving up his notions of finding something which likely did not exist, he took slight engine trouble as a sign that it did. Abruptly, any traces of the slight smile disappeared as she recalled his comment when she had told him it was likely just a malfunction. "Have a little faith, T'Pol," she murmured to herself.

"That was where I began to sense the conversation change in tone. He was talking about his friend, and about the dark matter, but suddenly it seemed like he was talking about something else as well." She frowned for a moment, wondering if that was true. It was certainly common enough for people to use the same phrase to mean several different things at once, but was she just imagining things? If she wasn't, then what was he trying to say?

Her mind tackled that question with an unequalled tenacity. "I told him that the shuttle's slight engine trouble and turbulence most likely did not point to. point to what? To the nebula obviously, but if he was speaking in code then the nebula must represent something. Something larger perhaps, something no one is certain is possible? Then what I told him was that little things should not be taken as a sign that something more significant exists. His response indicated his belief that all those small things could point to something more."

The first question was answered, but instead of settling the issue it simply raised yet another set of questions. "I have known since I met him that he takes little things seriously. 'Following his gut,' I believe he calls it. Why was this time different? Where did this conversation go that none of the others have?"

Here her logic began to fail her, because on the surface the answer was nowhere. All they had talked about were the risks involved in warp trials and the long shot that they might find dark matter. It was the nuances of the conversation that made it different, and logic is useless in discerning underlying meanings behind words; it only succeeds in explaining what is tangible.

She was able to pinpoint the comment that had changed everything however- "We're not going to get anywhere without taking some risks.' Why should that have affected me? It was obvious he was referring directly to the dark matter and possibly indirectly to Star Fleet as a whole. I am familiar with his philosophy 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained.' If it is nothing new, then why should it affect me in a new way? This reaction is not logical."

Even the stern reprimand she tried to give herself couldn't stop her progression of thought however. "It was new, so there must be a reason. Nothing in the universe happens without cause. I suppose I should first determine who he was referring to when he said we needed to take a risk."

The only logical answer instantly presented itself. "He was talking about us, in the shuttle, taking a chance that we might find the dark matter. However, that does not answer my question. If that was all he was talking about, it should not have affected me. But if I heard 'we' and chose to apply the phrase to something else."

Her mind tried to shut down that train of thought. "It would not be logical for me to read something personal into that comment," she insisted. No matter how hard she argued against it though, there it was. "And then I heard the rest of the conversation though that filter." She had seen her human crewmates do that-apply a meaning not intended based on what they were thinking about. Part of her was appalled that she had picked up such an illogical trait, but she was also aware that, to turn a phrase, 'It takes two to tango.'

When she had first heard that idiom, the meaning had escaped her until someone explained that a tango was a dance where two partners performed very intricate steps, weaving their feet and bodies together in such a way that it becomes nearly impossible to tell where one begins and the other ends. In other words, one person cannot complicate matters by themselves. They need a partner to complete the dance.

That meant that although she had attributed a different meaning to his words, it was only logical to believe he might have wanted her to do so. "Somehow, when he said we need to be willing to take risks, I applied it to our personal situation," she realized, also consciously admitting for one of the first times that there was a personal situation. "And then I continued to do that for the rest of the conversation. Every comment he made about the benefits in taking risks I turned around and measured our situation against it."

Knowing what had happened made the next logical step clear, but it did not make it easy. Staring at the door, T'Pol weighed the risks of asking him what risks he was willing to take against the safety of remaining ignorant. She bristled slightly at that word though-she had heard the phrase 'Ignorance is bliss' and had categorized it as a foolish human thought. How could the absence of knowledge be a good thing? The only way to grow is to learn and assimilate new information, even if it challenges everything you had been taught.

That resolved, she opened the door to her quarters and stepped into the corridor, walking towards Archer's cabin with a purpose she had never known. But as sure as she was that she was doing the right thing, she was still glad the passageways were empty. This was a difficult enough mission without others wondering why she was standing outside the captain's cabin at 1:30. Wrapping herself in her determination, she pressed the chime.

Chapter 2: Nothing Gained

"When did the focus of the conversation change?" Jon asked himself as he tossed a ball against the wall. "We started out talking about A.G. and the warp program." Here he broke off, catching a look from Porthos. "We did!" he insisted, feeling the sudden need to defend himself. "Wait a minute, why am I justifying my actions to my dog? For that matter, why do my actions, well my thoughts really, why do they need justifying at all?"

Resuming his one sided game of catch, he went over the day's events. The excitement over possibly finding a dark matter nebula had quickly been driven away by the loss of a friend. Somehow though, A.G.'s death made it even more important to find the nebula, as if that was the only way to validate all the hard work his friend had given to get him here. He'd thought no one else could understand the emotion driving him, and so he attempted to go alone.

"But she just waltzed into the shuttle like it was a foregone conclusion that she was coming," he told Porthos. "Of course, she had regulations backing her up, but from the moment she got on, I knew she wasn't just there as a safety precaution. She wanted to talk.

"She was pretty straightforward about it too, no beating around the bush. 'I can spend the time meditating, but if you'd prefer to talk.' she said, obviously trying to lend an ear." He caught the ball in midair, thinking about what he'd just said. "That doesn't sound very Vulcan, does it? And to offer to meditate with me. she wanted to help. I suppose that was why I began telling her the story.

"It was just a story," he insisted to himself. "Not a parable or a fable designed to teach a lesson, not even an illustration of what we were doing in searching for the dark matter. So when did it become something more? Even more than that, what was the something more it became?"

Hitting the mental rewind button, he went back to the beginning again. "I wanted to find the dark matter nebula, she wasn't sure it existed. That happens often enough, but I think it was where it all began. The whole day revolved around going out on a limb. We went on a few sensor readings, looking for dark matter, A.G. and I risked our careers on the chance that it would save the warp program. I guess that explains part of her interest in the story-risk taking doesn't come naturally for Vulcans. So when did it stop being a story and become an illustration of the benefits taking risks can have?"

Shoving himself off the bed, he began to pace. He knew he'd hit the heart of it, he just didn't know what 'it' was. "Well, the only way to find what 'it' is would be to figure out what risk I want her to take." He was keenly aware that the logical approach of his first officer was rubbing off on him, but under the circumstances it seemed to be the only viable method.

"Answering the question of when is still important. When did that subtle tension appear in the conversation?" Going over their words once more, he forced himself to remember what her reaction had been at each point of the story, but when he finally found the turning point, he was surprised to discover it had nothing to do with A.G., at least on the surface.

"It was when she encouraged me to turn around after the first surge, or maybe just before that. She couldn't quite believe that the slight malfunction of the shuttle's engine could have as large a cause as a dark matter nebula. Apparently, she's never heard the phrase, 'Where there's smoke, there's fire.' That would certainly satisfy her Vulcan mind." Her response came back to him easily. 'Even if you're right, it could be dangerous to proceed. Another surge could disable life support.' "Ever the logical science officer," he muttered to himself. "But it was my response that changed the tone. I subconsciously quoted A.G.-'We're not going to get anywhere without taking some risks'-and she tensed up on me. But why? Surely she knows by now that's the way I run my ship, so clearly, that comment hit her differently."

Running his hands through his hair in utter frustration, Jon considered giving up for the night. Figuring out what went on in a woman's head was hard enough, but when the woman was Vulcan, it became nearly impossible. He colored slightly as he realized the shift his thoughts had taken since he met T'Pol. In the beginning, she had been Vulcan first and only consequentially a female. Now she was a woman who happened to be Vulcan.

"Careful Archer, you're treading in dangerous waters. Thinking like that won't bring you any closer to figuring out who she was applying the idea of risk taking to or what it is about the simple give and take of risk taking that caused that reaction." Yet suddenly, he froze. The phrase 'give and take' stuck in his mind, like it was a song he couldn't get out of his head. A tune danced in between his synapses, just out of reach. Gradually, a bar here and there came to him, and as he hummed them, the words came as well.

"You've got to give a little, take a little, And let your poor heart break a little That's the story of, That's the glory of love."

He flopped back down on the bed, mind racing. "That can't be what she was thinking about," he insisted. 'What else could it have been?' his mind asked insidiously. "It could have been the crew, but no, I've already covered that. She's used to me taking risks in my day to day command decisions. She doesn't agree with them most of the time, but she's used to them. Okay, if not the ship then it must have been a part of the story about A.G. and me. No, that doesn't make sense either. When I said that, I obviously was not talking about that, I was talking about-"

Color drained from his face as he realized what the only other 'we' could have been. "I was talking about her and I," he whispered. "But I was talking about the dark matter, surely she didn't jump from that to. well, not that it would be a bad thing but it's not really a logical jump." 'Isn't it though?' his mind asked again. "I suppose it was just the two of us in the shuttle and I did say we needed to take risks, and we both understand that a relationship would involve a lot of risk."

Once he understood where her mind had gone with that comment, it was easy to see how they had subconsciously been talking about their own risks for the rest of the conversation. "That's why I wanted her to understand the benefits that had come from A.G.'s risks. I wanted her to see that some of the best and most rewarding things in life require taking a risk. More than that, I wanted to show her that there can be logic in a calculated risk. You don't just look across a canyon and recklessly decided to risk a leap from one side to the other. You look at the outcomes and weigh the possible benefits against the possible consequences. If the possible payoff is better than where you began and more likely than the possible fallout, then you take the leap.

"When we stole that ship, it was obvious to us what would happen if we didn't. The warp program would have ended along with our careers. I guess in a way that lessened the threat of consequences of the actual act and highlighted the possible benefits. Either way, we'd likely be out of a job, but if we tried, it was possible other Star Fleet officers would have the chance we were willing to give up."

He stopped for a moment, remembering the rest of the shuttle ride. "Even the slight risk we took in looking for the dark matter illustrated that point. She wasn't sure it was there or even if it would be worth it to look, but what we found was something beautiful and unique, and that's sure to cause debate in the Science Directorate." He added the last with a grin, realizing certain possibilities of their relationship would be likely to cause debate among the Science Directorate as well.

Recognizing where his thoughts had gone, he sobered instantly. "I can't just sit here hoping this was what she meant. A certain amount of analysis is good, but if I become one of those people who starts looking for hidden meanings behind every word, hoping to hear what they're looking for, I'll go crazy." Standing up, he moved to lean against the bulkhead as he planned his next move. "So what do I do instead?"

In the end, the question was moot. There was only one answer-go ask her if she was willing to trust him again and take the risk of a lifetime. He strode to the door with more confidence than he felt, ready to march down the corridor and talk to her right now, but his door chimed just as his hand hovered over the button. His groan of frustration melted away into nervous anticipation however when he saw Porthos run over to the door and wag his tail eagerly.

Complete lyrics to "The Glory of Love."

"You've got to give a little, take a little, And let your poor heart break a little That's the story of, That's the glory of love.

You've got to laugh a little, Cry a little, And let the clouds roll by a little, That's the story of, That's the glory of love.

As long as there's the two of you You've got the world and all its charms. And when the world is through with you You've got each others' arms.

You've got to win a little, Lose a little, And always have the blues a little, That's the story of, That's the glory of love."

Part 3: Boundless Risk Must Pay for Boundless Gain

That resolved, she opened the door to her quarters and stepped into the corridor, walking towards Archer's cabin with a purpose she had never known. Taking risks certainly increased the single-mindedness in one's character, she realized.

At the same time, he became aware of the fact that there was really no question as to what to do next. There was only one answer-go ask her if she was willing to trust him again and take the risk of a lifetime. He strode to the door with more confidence than he felt, ready to march down the corridor and talk to her right now.

As sure as she was that she was doing the right thing, she was still glad the passageways were empty. This was a difficult enough mission without others wondering why she was standing outside the captain's cabin at 1:30. Wrapping herself in her determination, she pressed the chime. On the other side of the door, Archer's groan of frustration melted away into nervous anticipation when Porthos ran over to the door and started wagging his tail eagerly.

Unwilling to waste a second, he opened the door himself. "Come on in, T'Pol," he invited, stepping back to give her room to enter.

A quick blink was her only outward sign of surprise when the door opened in front of her before her finger had even left the chime. Raising one eyebrow, she answered his invitation easily. "Thank you Captain, but it was unnecessary for you to leave your seat to open the door. I am perfectly capable of operating the mechanism from the corridor."

He grinned, shaking his head at her precise phrasing. "I know you are T'Pol, but I was up anyway. Actually, I'm glad you're here. I was just coming to see you myself. He watched her closely, looking for any reaction. There it was again-a flash of surprise and maybe something more that was quickly blinked away.

"Was there something you wished to speak with me about Captain?" she asked mildly.

"T'Pol, it's 1:30 in the morning and we're standing in my quarters. Don't you think you can call me Jonathan?"

"If you have business you wish to discuss, it would be inappropriate for me to address you by your first name, Captain," she replied evenly, attempting to maintain some distance before she allowed herself to become vulnerable.

Shaking his head firmly, he replied, "I never said I was coming to talk to you about the ship." Mimicking her raised eyebrow, he waited for her response.

"Very well Jonathan. What was it you wished to speak with me about?" she repeated.

Before beginning, he gestured for her to sit down and then pulled up his chair so he was facing her. "I contacted Admiral Forrest when we got back. It will have to go through channels of course, but he agreed that the Robinson Nebula would be a good name. I wanted to thank you for thinking of it."

She shrugged delicately, a human expression of nonchalance she had picked up since joining Enterprise. "Captain Robinson clearly played a large role in making this voyage possible. It seemed only logical to name the nebula after him, in honor of his efforts."

"You're right, it is logical," he answered with a nod. "But I wasn't just thanking you for acknowledging what he meant to Star Fleet, I was thanking you for realizing what he meant to me and why I was so determined to find the nebula. Not everyone would have understood and it means a lot to me that you did."

"You're welcome, Jonathan." She hesitated for a moment, then decided this was the best segue she was likely to get. "I did have some more questions about Captain Robinson, if that is acceptable." Seeing his brief nod of acquiescence, she said, "Clearly the risks both you and Commander Tucker took paid off. Is that always the case?"

Jon looked up at the ceiling, trying to hide his anticipation at her choice of topic. "Of course not, or they wouldn't be risks," he responded, keeping his tone as measured as possible. "Sometimes you take a risk and end up worse off than you were before, but part of wisdom is learning to determine which risks are safe."

Both eyebrows went up at that remark. "I was not aware there was such a thing as a safe risk," she commented drily.

Laughing, he admitted the veracity of her statement. "You're right. I guess I should have said safer instead of safe."

Her brow wrinkled in confusion. "I do not understand. How can one risk be safer than another, and how do you discover how safe a risk is?"

Taking a deep breath, he gathered his thoughts before explaining. This was the most important discussion of his life and there was no way he was going to mess it up. "It's really a matter of using logic," he began. "It isn't difficult to determine the possible outcomes an action can bring, both good and bad. If the possible benefits outweigh the possible consequences, then it's considered a safe risk. The more the scale tips one way or the other, the better or worse the risk is."

"Could you give me an example?" she requested.

He thought for a moment before answering. "A Star Fleet captain leaving the ship unaccompanied is considered a poor risk. There is little benefit it can offer, and a lot of trouble it can cause."

"Interesting. I had not realized humans could be so logical about something that appears to be highly illogical." She pondered for a minute and then continued. "So when Captain Robinson suggested stealing the NX prototype, the risk to your careers was considered minimal because without a warp program-"

"We wouldn't have had careers anyway. Exactly, T'Pol."

"And then today you were willing to search for the nebula even though sensor readings could not prove its existence because there would not be any negative results caused by the search even if we did not find it."

"The phrase is, 'There's no harm in looking,' T'Pol."

"Indeed."

The ticking of the small bedside clock became deafening as silence fell between them. Jon could see T'Pol had turned inward; her eyes were no longer focused on him. Instead, she appeared to be staring at her hands, clasped together in her lap.

Finally, unable to stand the nearly palatable tension as second longer, he said inquired, "T'Pol?" She came out of her daze immediately, her eyes meeting his in silent question. "Good, I thought I'd lost you for a moment there," he said with a hint of relief.

The corners of her lips turned up the barest fraction of an inch. "I can assure you Jonathan, I did not go anywhere. I was simply wondering-" Her words trailed off and her eyes drifted back down to her hands.

Jon's heart skipped a beat and a knot of tension tightened in his gut. T'Pol had never left a sentence hanging like that as long as he had known her, the uncertainty it signaled was completely out of character for her. "Yes?" he asked quietly, bringing her back to him once more.

This time when she looked at him, the hesitancy in her eyes caused the knots in his stomach to tighten and then explode, leaving him with the empty feeling of being caught in a freefall. If she didn't speak soon, he had the irrational fear that they would have to peel him off the deck.

"I was hoping you would be willing to teach me how to take risks," she finished quietly.

Upon hearing the words he had been waiting for, he closed his eyes and allowed the wonder he felt to wash away every remnant of tension he had felt. He'd never expected this to feel so good. Opening his eyes again, he saw her looking at him with an expression that was half hope, half fear. Instinctively taking one of her hands in his, he regarded her seriously for a moment. "We're not talking about warp trials or nebulae anymore, are we?" he whispered.

Glancing down at their joined hands, she replied in a voice just as soft. "I don't believe so, Jonathan." Then with a light in his eyes she had never seen before, he brought her hand up and brushed his lips along her knuckles. "Why didn't I know anything could be so wonderful?" she asked, amazed.

His answer was simple. "Because T'Pol, everything is sweetened by risk."

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