| The legend of the Gobbos |
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| I was looking through my games the other day and found my Croc game manual. In reading the prologue, I remembered that it was halariously funny so I thought I'd share it with you! |
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| In Which the Gobbos are Described! Who were the Gobbos? Examine ancient paintings from the time of their civilisation and you will find that the Gobbos were a short, furry people who could be politely described as 'gerbilesque'. But what of their soul, ther character? One historian wrote that the Gobbos were among the mose advanced civilisations of their day, making great strides in science and literature, a people whose intellegence "shines like a beacon in the night." It should be noted that this historian was himself a Gobbo and not only made numerous grammatical errors in his account, but also misspelled 'Gobbo.' No, the Gobbos were a simple people, a race whose greatest inventions were edible deodorant and the Wind - Powered Cow Moistener. |
| In over two thousand years of existance, the Gobbos only sent three of their kind to college, and two of those were returned postage due. Okay so they weren't the sharpest pins in the cushion. But were they loveable? You bet! So loveable that they would often keep each other as pets. But oddly enough, it was their very loveability, their very kind hearted innocence, that set in motion a chain of events that would send the Gobbos plummeting towards a terrifying fate, a fate worse than death, a fate so frightening that those with heart conditions may wish to STOP READING NOW... ...although it's really not that frightening. |
| In Which a Crocodile is Found It all started one morning in the third month of the Year of the Soupspoon. (At the start of each year, the Gobbo high priestess would announce the kitchen utensil that, when put down their pants, would bring good luck. Gobbos took this very seriously, although some began to question the practise during the Year of the Electric Can Opener.) King Rufus the Intolerant, ruler of the Gobbos, (People far and wide had heard of King Rufus the Intolerant and feared him for his name alone. Of course, the Gobbos knew his full name was King Rufus the Lactose Intolerant and therefore only feared him after a big bowl of cottage cheese) was down by the riverbank watching the sunrise. He had just finished breathing a sigh of relief that, once again, the sun had returned, when suddenly a small basket floated ashore. He and a group of his Gobbo subjects huddled around it. Peering inside, they saw a baby crocodile. Naturally, they assumed he must be the early leader in the Annual Midget Crocodile Basket Race. Not that there had ever been such an event, but you never know about these things, and many of the Gobbos placed bets just to be on the safe side. After a couple of hours, when no other baskets had come by, the Gobbos decided that perhaps there was no race, or that it had been called off the night before by crocodiles who shared their concern that the sun had gone away for good The Gobbos were at first wary of the little reptile but were quickly won over by his vulnerability and inquisitive nature. King Rufus decides that the Gobbos would raise the crocodile as one of their own and that he himself would care for it and instruct it in the ways of the Gobbos. The Gobbos fell in love with their new charge. As he was a crocodile, they began to call him "Crocodile," but then someone thought of a clever new name for him: "Croc." (although to some of the Gobbos, he will always be known as "Mr. Fun Socks" or "Choo Choo McBoogie"). Croc learned quickly from his Gobbo friends. He suprised them with how Gobbo like he was. He could sign their anthem backwards and forwards and won every Gobbo dance contest he entered. In fact, little Croc was so Gobbo-like that it had never even occured to him to take a bite out of a Gobbo...as far as he was concerned, he was a Gobbo. And thus, a time of great joy reigned in Gobbo Valley. Croc was healthy, King Rufus was happy, and his subjects hadn't had so much fun since the Year of the Three Minute Egg Timer. Then Croc grew... |
| In Which Croc is a Gobbo No More In one fantastic growth spurt, Croc grew as tall as three Gobbos stacked on top of each other. He started eating like crazy. For breakfast alone he ate over one hundred and fifty buckets of peas. While walking he would accidently smash through buildings and trip over homes. A simple game of pattycake with friends would lead to multiple contusions and internal bleeding. Despite his friends' efforts to brush off these accidents, Croc began to feel out of place in the Gobbo Valley. Just as Croc decided to do something about this, a Gobbo ran past screaming, "Dantinis!!!" |
| In Which Trouble Comes to Gobbo Valley The Gobbos had long told stories of the Dantinis, a band of villains known far and wide for their ruthless burning, wanton looting, and marvellous singing voices. (The Dantini Glee Club would have won all the big choral contests had they not been disqualified for eating the judges.) What was worse was that wherever there were Dantinis, Baron Dante could not be far behind. King of all villains, Baron Dante was stronger than a thousand Dantinis and he had a long-established hatred for all things Gobbo. He had seen the Gobbos and Croc being blissfully happy and decided that enough was enough. It was time for the Gobbos to suffer. |