Theirs is a difficult job to be sure. And domestic disputes are commonly thought to be one of the most difficult and disliked of any call an officer can take. Nonetheless, take a look a few samples of incidents involving three different local agencies: Is this the level of performance one should expect?
 

Illinois State Police

The first, and several subsequent times that I sought law enforcement intervention (just like they tell you to do in those domestic abuse pamphlets), it was the Illinois State Police who showed up. In the first incident, I met the officer at the end of the driveway and told him what was going on. Throughout the conversation, the children's mother was visible through the living room windows - 6 out of 8 of which she had smashed - on a furniture destroying rampage. The officer asked what I expected him to do. I suggested he stop her. He very calmly stated that if we were married, it was her house too, and she was therefore within her rights to do whatever she wished to do to the home, as long as it did not endanger anyone within the home, or any of the surrounding neighbors' homes. As long as that was the case, he wasn't going to even suggest that she stop.

I couldn't believe this. I told him I had a 2 year old child in there. At this, he agreed to go to the door and speak to her while I waited at the end of the driveway. He came back several minutes later saying that she seemed to have calmed down, and that the child was in another room, and didn't appear to be in any danger. And that was that. Maybe that is the law (a very stupid one, if so) but I have to believe that if the 200 lb. guy was the one committing the assault and destroying the house, the officer's reaction would have been somewhat different.

Not long after this, the same scenario all over again: Another officer is reminding me that she can do whatever she wants to her home, and there's nothing they can or will do about it. Only this time, as I inform the officer, she's threatening to kill the children. I even showed him that I had an audio tape of her doing this. Now that got his attention...but not in the way I expected.

Here we are, at the end of my driveway again, my two year old - who the mother is threatening to kill - is running around the house screaming his head off, while his mother - who has just beat the crap out of me - is smashing the house to pieces. And this guy calmly informs me that recording the children's mother without her consent is a felony, and that he is going to have to confiscate the tape, and possibly arrest me!

I said to the officer, "Well if you listen to the tape...", and he interrupted, "I'm not going to listen to that tape." And I said, "Well I assume that if you're going to arrest me, that someone will listen to the tape, and the first thing they'll hear is her saying, "I know you're recording this...". He responded that her acknowledgment that she was being recorded was not the same as her giving consent to be recorded, and that that constituted a felony. He proceeded to demand that I hand over the tape to him, but then decided to call someone on his radio to ask for their opinion. Whoever they were, suggested he confiscate the tape.

A few more minutes of debate, and he decided not to...then changed his mind...and decided he was going to take it again. I offered to willingly hand over the tape (and be charged with whatever charges they wanted to press for recording it) if I could have his personal guarantee that the tape would not be lost. The officer gave me his word that it would not, and I handed over the tape.

Well, no charges were ever filed against me, but more importantly, years later when all the police records were subpoenaed, there was no tape. I later went to the Illinois State Police Headquarters in Sterling several times in an effort to retrieve the tape, and was told that there was no record of it ever existing. One person there suggested that perhaps it got lost or thrown out during their move to the new building.

In yet another incident involving the Illinois State Police, the children's mother pulled all the phones out of the wall and smashed them on the floor so I couldn't call the police. With her again threatening to kill our child if I left, I tried to get in my car to call the police from a pay phone. As I got in the car, she threw herself into the door of the car, smashing my shins between the door frame and the door, and my ribs against the window glass, knocking the wind out of me (of course, in front of our child). Another Illinois State Police officer arrived on the scene, and as you could read in his report, after speaking to the children's mother and claiming to not notice any visible wounds on me, determined that I had made the whole thing up.

Years later, the children's mother started the altercation at my home which I described in the "State's Attorneys Office" section. At the advice of my attorney and a Sterling police officer, I went immediately to the Illinois State Police, told them exactly what had happened, and asked to file a complaint against her. After hearing what had just occurred at my residence - involving our children - the officer at the window of the State Police Headquarters in Sterling informed me that the State Police go right out and arrest people for serious crimes, not this sort of nonsense, and in his estimation, I was "wasting his time".

I agreed (based on the last 7 or more years of trying to get the police to protect me, my children and my property) that I probably was wasting my time, but reiterated that I was simply following the advice of my attorney and another police officer in doing everything I could to stop these violent acts against myself and my children. I called my attorney from the phone in their lobby, and told him that the officer was refusing to take a complaint. He suggested that I ask the officer to at least make a note that I was there, and had asked to file a complaint, which I did, and he did.

Less than two hours later, after the children's mother's attorney filled out her sworn statement describing what happened at the house, I was arrested at my home by the Whiteside County Sheriffs Department for domestic battery. Later, in preparation for my trial, I went back to the State Police headquarters to get a copy of the log entry, and was told there was none to be found, and no one had any knowledge of my being there that day.

Most recently, I contacted the Illinois State police regarding the children's mother breaking into my home, stealing the title to my vehicle, forging her name on the title assigning ownership of the vehicle to her, sending the title into the state in order to receive a title in her name, and using the "corrected" title as collateral for a $10,000 loan which she intentionally defaulted on, causing my completely paid for vehicle to be repossessed. I told the officer that the Sterling Police had been in possession of all of the documentation proving the crime was committed, and by whom, for over a year, and had apparently chosen not pursue an the matter, and that I was therefore seeking their help. I was told that the Illinois State Police were not interested in pursuing the matter either.
 

The Sterling Police Department

After my first attorney, against my clearly expressed wishes, agreed to my leaving the marital residence, I moved into a condominium in Sterling, and the children's mother's behavior soon became the problem of the Sterling Police Department. During the few months I lived there, it was necessary for me to call them several times.

On one such occasion, the children's mother arrived uninvited and unexpected at the condo with the kids, tried to force her way inside, got into my car and destroyed CD's, and started a physical altercation. Right in front of the children, she tore her shirt off exposing her breasts, and screamed, "Here! I want you to see what Shawn (her boyfriend) cums all over!" I called the police to the scene - she simply told them that I attacked her, tearing her shirt - nothing happened.

Shortly after this incident, she came over again - this time while my girlfriend was with me. Over the course of about 45 minutes she alternated between trying to force her way into my condo and attack my girlfriend, and sitting in front of the door, crying and screaming, and describing herself having sex with her step-father. She eventually got in her SUV, put it in drive, revved the engine, and smashed into my girlfriend's car, driving it through the door of the garage (where the children would often play). She then backed all the way out into the street, revved the engine again, and floored it, ramming her vehicle farther into the garage. The Sterling Police were called again. All she had to do was say it was an accident, and in spite of having two witnesses to the contrary, and the fact that the officer even put down in the report that he didn't believe her, she was able to just leave. Would you get away with that? I'm sure I wouldn't.

Months later, it was agreed that the children's mother would take residence in the condo and I would take possession of the marital residence, but that by no means ended the involvement of the Sterling Police. One Sunday evening upon delivering the children to their mother, I was beaten unconscious with what she first claimed was a shoe, and then I later learned was a telephone. When I walked the kids to the front door, she immediately started harassing me about the weekends activities, and when, standing just outside the front door, I bent down to tie one of the children's shoes, I was hit on the side of the face and head with what seemed like a big, painful flash of light. I remember stumbling face down onto the living room carpet, but when I came to completely, I was on my back in her kitchen with her still hitting me with some sort of object on the side of the face and head. My older child was screaming at her to stop and trying to pull her off of me, my younger child was trying to shield my head with his own body.

I made it out to my car in the driveway, locked myself in, and called the police while she pounded and kicked the doors and widows. A Sterling Police officer and two Whiteside County Sherriffs deputies arrived shortly. The two deputies, observing my wounds, asked if I wanted to be transported to the hospital. The Sterling Police officer who didn't seem interested in what the victim (me) had to say, lectured us both for what we did in front of the kids, and then went inside with the children's mother to talk to her. After several minutes, he came back out and lectured some more (seemingly directed mostly at me). About this time, from behind the officer and standing in the doorway, the children's mother decided to throw in her two cents worth at me, and the officer shouted at her: You shut up! I asked you one simple question - whether or not you hit him. And you lied to me. I had to hear your kid tell me how he had to pull you off of him!" And then he proceeded to lecture both of us at length.

I politely as I could, given the circumstances, told the officer that I appreciated his concern for the children, but I really didn't want to hear his lecture regarding what I did in front of my children. I asked several times, and then demanded to have her arrested and charges filed, and he continually refused. I stated that I would go immediately to the Sterling Police station and find someone who would allow me to sign a complaint and have her arrested. He therefore said that he would meet me there.

Once at the station, this officer continued to lecture me once again regarding my disgusting, inexcusable behavior in front the children. I once again told him that he apparently had no idea what just transpired at the residence, that I did not wish to listen to his lecture, and that I only wanted to do whatever was necessary to have the charges filed against the woman for the violent, unprovoked attack. He had me fill out what amounted to several pages of a "Witness's Voluntary Statement", describing the incident in detail. Before I left, I asked whether this report, unlike all the other police reports before it, would make it to the State's Attorneys Office. I was assured that it would. However, over the course of the next several months, I called the station at least four times, and went there four times, to learn the status of my complaint - each time to no avail.

Years later when the police reports were subpoenaed, I learned that the officer stated specifically in his report: "Mr. ____ refused to sign a complaint." I was outraged. I went back to the Sterling Police station to try to obtain a copy of my voluntary statement and was told that I was not allowed to have or even see it. I filled out a Freedom of Information Act request form, and was called several weeks later and told that it was "standard procedure to destroy all witness's statements after an officer has completed his report", and therefore they would be unable to comply with my request.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but I find this pretty hard to believe...so much so that I asked an officer at another local police department about this supposed policy. He stated: "I can't say I know exactly what the procedure is over there in Sterling, but I can't imagine it's that different than what we do. The first thing we do when somebody fills out a hand-written statement is give it to one of the girls to type out. Then we staple it to the report, and that's where it stays forever." More recently, I spoke with another officer about the issue who told me that, indeed, it was most definitely NOT the practice of the Sterling Police Department to destroy a witness's written statements after an officer had completed his report.

In another incident involving the Sterling Police, the children's mother was violently ill one day - and who, after all this, does she call to take care of her? Not her boyfriend - me. So I rode my bike to the condo, brought her medicine and 7-UP, cleaned up her puke, and even did her dishes. And what do I get in return? She slashes both tires on the bike, and cuts to pieces my son's $100 climbing harness that was in the bike bag. Again I call the police, and after interviewing the children's mother, the officer tells me, "She's either a very experienced criminal, or she's really been coached by an attorney - she knew exactly what to say and what not to say - to let me know that she definitely did it,, but not enough that I could actually charge her. You would almost certainly win in a civil suit, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't get her to say what I needed to have her say in order to charge her with a criminal offense." An that's where that ended.

In an episode I described in more detail in the "State's Attorneys Office" section, the children's mother forged my name on a State title form and had my vehicle repossessed. At the advice of an assistant State's attorney, I went to the Sterling Police Department to sign a complaint. The officer originally seemed relatively interested in the facts I was describing and the documentation I was showing him regarding the incident, and took copious notes. Then suddenly realizing who I was and who she was, excused himself to go look over some files. He later returned, and I continued, but did not seem to have his same attention. He shortly thereafter excused himself to discuss something with a fellow officer. Upon his return the second time, his first comment was: "So, what's in this for you? I mean, you just in this for the money, or what?"

He then, after having just written down the story in its entirety, and having been given copies of all the documentation proving my claims, stated that I needed to go back and write down basically everything I just told him over the last half hour myself, and then bring it in again later. To make a long story a little bit shorter, this is going on almost 2 years ago now. I've called and been to the Sterling Police station dozens of  times since then regarding the issue, and have been told that everything's ready to go, but the information just hasn't made its way to the State's Attorneys Office yet. The last I've heard on this now is that its never been sent because I said I didn't think they'd do anything about it! When my children get harassed and I get attacked at my own home, I'm arrested in less than two hours, but when supplied with all the documentation proving that a forgery has been committed costing me $25,000, the Sterling Police is unwilling to take the simplest step in my defense.

In yet another incident involving the Sterling Police Department, the children's day care teacher called me at my office in great fear for the children's safety, imploring me to call the police to check on the kids who were in their mother's care. According to the day care teacher, the children's mother had unexpectedly come to the park near the day care facility in the middle of the day to pick up the children, in what the teacher described as a barely conscious state - in her vehicle, but driven by her friend who also appeared to be in a alcohol and/or drug induced state, though somewhat more coherent. The day care teacher said she had great concern for the safety and welfare of the children, and did NOT wish to release them into their mother's or her friend's custody. She stated that she questioned them both whether they were in any shape to get the children home safely or care for them once there.  The children's mother's friend insisted they were, though the children's mother herself was unable to communicate coherently. The teacher stated she doubted whether they would even able to drive back to the mother's house without crashing the vehicle, and that the mother was certainly unable to care for the children in her condition.

I immediately phoned the Sterling Police Department and outlined the situation as described to me by the day care teacher. I was told, and I quote: "What do you want us to do about it? We don't just go around arresting people because they're ex-husband says they're drunk or stoned!"

I begged that some one from the department at least stop by the house to see if she was conscious, and that the children were OK. They refused. I became somewhat irate, saying, "My infant children are alone in her care, and I've got the day care teacher calling to warn me that she's so stoned she's hardly conscious, and you can't even have some one knock on the door?!? Do I have to go over there myself?" Their reply? "Do that and you'll be arrested for trespassing."

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" I said. "You can't be bothered to see if my children are dead - if she's dead - but you're going to arrest me if I knock on the door to see for myself?!?"

"Well, we can do a "welfare check", she finally admitted.

About 45 minutes later I was phoned by another officer who would only tell me that he went to the children's mother's residence where he determined that the children - in his opinion - were not in danger.

Perhaps what has been the most aggravating over the long haul, is the lack of support by this department when the children's mother has refused, sometimes somewhat brutally, to allow the children to go with me during my court ordered "visitation" times. Over the course of the last 6 years or so, I have had to call the Sterling Police to her residence approximately 50 times because of her blatant disregard of the court's orders (and the children's welfare) in this respect. Each and every time, I am told that even they don't want to have to deal with her, and there's nothing they can or will do. Some officers offer to give me a copy of the police report, others tell me they cannot do this, but all say that its a civil matter for my attorney to handle - not them. (Depending on which of my attorneys I would ask, I would hear anything from "That's bullshit, they're supposed to arrest her right then and there if she doesn't give you the kids", to "The last thing in the world we'd want to do is bring this up to the judge. He'll just think you're the bad guy for whining about these pittley little issues, and take it out on you".) The bottom line is the that it is clearly in the children's best interest that I have them almost all the time (at least until she gets help). Instead,  I'm ordered to be allowed to have then slightly less than half the time, and in actuality, because of her constant disregard of the court's orders and her unceasing desires to use the children against me, I'm only able to see (or even speak to them) about 1/3 of that amount of time.

I don't know where the real boundaries of the police's duties and responsibilities lie in this respect, but I know their behavior, as you will later read, is by no means evenly applied between agencies, or when the children are in my possession.
 

The Whiteside County Sheriff's Department

The Whiteside County Sheriff's Department apparently takes these court orders more seriously than the Sterling Police Department, which, I assume, explains why their officers showed up twice at my door - once at midnight, once at 2:00 AM - on school nights, while the children were asleep in their beds, and demanded that I wake them up and deliver them to their mother.

On one occasion, I showed the officer a copy of the court order proving that the children were to be in my custody at that time, reminded them that it was after midnight on a school night, and told them I was not going to wake up the kids and take them over to her. I was told by the officer (who did not even bother to read the court order) that they were told by the mother that there was a new order giving her full custody of the children, and that I had been threatening for days to keep or leave with the children.

On the other occasion, I described to the officer how I had been trying to locate the mother, who was supposed to have taken the children at 5:00 PM, since then, and that I was supposed to have driven to Omaha for work that evening (which she knew, and was the reason she chose not to take the children at the court ordered time, I later learned). On both occasions, I was told by the officer that if I did not agree to wake up the children and either deliver them to her, or allow her to come over and pick them up, he would call more officers to the scene, physically remove the children from the premises, and arrest me.

The Whiteside County Sheriff's Department has been involved in the majority of the incidents involving the children's mother. Another example is when I called the police regarding the children's mother's stash of illegal drugs and drug paraphernalia: When the deputy arrived at the house, I handed him a bag of the children's mother's pot from her stash in the garage, and pointed to a window in the basement where, I  told him, he could see several growing pot plants, and a box containing more drugs and drug paraphernalia. I told him he had my permission to search the premises, and that I had infant children in the home and wanted the drugs out, and their owner arrested. He told me to go to the Rock Falls Police station and wait for him there.

After filling out what amounted to 5 or 6 pages of another "voluntary witness statement", I was told by the officer that he did not search the house, nor did he even look in the window, because he was told by the children's mother that she had "sole possession" of the house, and that I was therefore not in a position to authorize a search of my own home. "But what about a search warrant?", I said. "I handed you a bag of drugs - isn't that probable cause?!?"

Apparently not. And nothing was ever done about this, although the officer was going to appear in court years later to testify to the incident, but was never called to the stand. I suppose if I tried to file a Freedom of Information Act request on this, I would be told that my statement was destroyed in this case, too.

In another incident, Sheriff's deputies arrived at my home after the children's mother smashed in the front door, destroyed  several pictures and windows, etc., started a blanket of fire and threw it across the living room, and attacked my girlfriend - punching her in the face while she was holding her 3 year old son in her arms (all in front of our kids). The deputies just simply asked her to leave. She came back later to vandalize both my car and my girlfriends car, and knock out several windows from my garage. I clearly expressed to the officers at the scene that I wanted to press charges. My girlfriend called the Sheriff's Department the next day to do so, and was told she would have to speak to the actual officer in charge at the scene, who was not on duty at the time. She left her number, but was never called back.

In yet another incident, I came home from a business trip to find my home had been broken into, my clothes had been cut to pieces, various home furnishings destroyed, legal and financial documents stolen (as well as my car keys), and a collection of priceless photographs cut up and scattered about the house. On my answering machine at home, my voice mail at my office, and on my girlfriend's voice mail, were recorded messages from the children's mother, gloating over the fact that she did it, can and will come in at anytime and do it again, and the police will never touch her. I played all of these recordings for the Whiteside County Sheriff's deputy that I called to the scene. He commented that it was obvious she did it, and that he would write up a report, but also stated that if I didn't already have an Order of Protection against her (remember, Judge S took it away) NOTHING was going to happen with the report, or to her.

As Judge S so angrily put it in court, the department was indeed sick of being called to my house. On one occasion, the person who answered the phone when I called one night from the local gas station - cut and bruised, and told my children would be dead on my return - told me himself that they were tired of coming to my house all the time, and suggested I handle the matter myself. He said: "You're a big, strong guy, right? And she's a woman? Can't you handle her?"

I don't recall if it was during the same incident or not, but on one occasion a deputy - the same one who responded to the scene when the children's mother entered my place of employment, attacked me, and damaged my office - met me on the road by my house, and told mme to drive to the end of the road and wait for him. After he went to the house to speak to the children's mother, the first thing he said to me was: "Let's get one thing strait. I'm not your friend. I'm not your buddy." (And that should give you a pretty good idea of how it went from there.) I guess this officer thought it was very important to make clear to me that I shouldn't expect him to do his job and protect me, my children and my belongings from a violent criminal, just because he did it once in the past.

During one of the times I had gone to the Sterling Police Department in an effort to get some sort of action, I was able to get as far as one of their detectives. After speaking to me for 15 minutes or so, the detective determined that more than 50% of the thefts and violent acts of assault and property destruction I had come to see him about had occurred (arguably) outside the city limits, and were all, therefore, the problem of the Whiteside County Sherriffs Department. He then gave me the name of one of their detectives, and suggested I speak to him.

A short while later, I meet with this Detective P, and described to him numerous recent acts of violence committed by the children's mother. I showed him many canceled checks that she had forged in my name, and documentation proving that she had obtained several credit cards in my name, which she was in the process of charging up. Most importantly, I describe how she had recently abandoned our two children, aged 2 and 4 at the time, alone on a county road at night, in 40-45 degree temperatures, during a tremendous rain, thunder, hail and lightning storm. I told him how they were picked up by passing strangers who nearly ran over them in the middle of the road, as the infant and toddler ran screaming and crying after there mother's vehicle.

What this detective did in response, was send me a letter, several months later, describing why the Whiteside County Sheriff's Department was NOT going to do ANYTHING. (If I can get a hold of a scanner, I plan to publish the actual letter on this web site.) It appears from this letter, that as long as a person and their attorney are able to keep the person's divorce from being finalized, it is perfectly legal for that person to steal checks from their ex-spouse and to forge their name on these checks for cash and payments. It is also, apparently, legal for that person to apply for any number of credit cards in their ex-spouse's name, charge up the cards, and bare no responsibility for the payment of these accounts. Most disturbingly, however, was the detective's reaction to the child abandonment incident.

In his letter, the detective points out that the incident did indeed constitute a serious endangerment of the children. However, the detective goes on to say that based on the length of time I took to report the incident (I had, in fact, reported it immediately that night, and had made over two dozen phone calls regarding the incident to various law enforcement agencies and to my attorney over the last several months), and based on the fact that he had learned the children's mother and I were in the process of a less than amicable divorce, it was the his determination that children's abandonment, psychological torture and near death was at least half my fault, was the result of the two of us "trying to prove a point to the other", and "at the very least demonstrated very poor judgment on both our parts". He accused me of only bringing the incident to his attention to "better my position in the divorce", and stated that the Whiteside County Sheriff's Department would not be "used in this manner".

This is perhaps THE classic example of how child abuse, neglect and endangerment is allowed to go on in our community: I'm working late in my office on her court appointed night to have the children in her care, and completely unbeknownst to me, the woman I have been telling the police and courts for years is abusing and endangering the kids - has constantly threatened to kill them - abandons the shocked, freezing children on a country road, in the middle of a horrific storm, AND THIS IS MY FAULT?!? And this department has to tell me that they're not going to be used in this manner?!? I may be a bit biased, but in my opinion, this officer should unquestionably be demoted or even fired. If his behavior wasn't, as my mother used to say, "par for the course", he would have been.
 

Secretary of State Police

To date, I have left a total of four messages at both the administrative office and the District 3 Headquarters of the Illinois Secretary of State Police saying that my $25,000 vehicle was stolen by a known person, using forged Secretary of State documentation, and that I was seeking their help in the recovery of the vehicle and arrest of the criminal. Four months later, no one has even returned my calls.