Just as all of us, an early childhood experience, determened the rest of my life. The first time when I was 7 years old, I tried on a soft blue nylon nighty of my mom, as an act of curiosity. The impression and feeling caused a mysterious intern satisfaction which at that time I could not classify nor appreciate at the fullest. But something in my mind told me, this was what I needed to feel myself happy.
Later at the age of 12, when I discovered the pleasure of sex, I started to experiment with nylon underwear and stockings of my mom. This was readily available, she was the only one supplying me with all that delicious woman's stuff. At first stockings were all I needed to satisfy my sexual satisfaction. This made me classify as a fetichist, rather than a transvestite.
Also girls drew my attention, specailly when they wore nylon stockings. Girls in pants never had my attention. For a long time my needs were only wearing those nylon stockings, color nude or black. To hold them up, I bought secretly my first garter belt or suspender. When the pantyhose came along, I started to experiment with these as well. But the texture was not quite the same. Still I prefer the old fashioned nylon stockings or a pantyhose with similar texture or feel. Especially the lycra ones with all that shiny brilliance. For a long time I wore those nylon stockings under my pants to college and university, to have that specail feeling against my skin, and if possible to touch them when alone..
As my life continued and finally a serious girl friend became my fiancee, and later my first wife, she had to know all about my fetiche. So I decided to tell her all about it. She could understand this and supported me to buy my stockings and underwear in presence of her. This was at age 20, when I finally could talk with somebody else about my strange behaviour. Little by little I started to buy more attire such as skirts, blouses, wigs, high heels and makeup. So at the age of 23 I became a transvestite with all my pieces in place. My wife could accept this, but with the condition, it should be a secret between us. At that time there was no internet, only some sex magazines. So It was difficult for me to communicate with similars. My sexual relation with her was normal, in the sense I needed to be dressed, or at least wearing my stockings.and some underwear. Luckely this was accepted.
As you see, there was never a man in my mind, and still this is not the point. I was having interest only for women propperly dressed. This to clarify, not all transvestites dress to attract men.
When this marriage was disolved for other than sexual reasons, I started looking for another wife. When she came into my life, I thought, I don't need it anymore to dress in order to feel myself happy. I started to give away all my woman's stuff and began all over with a clean sheet of paper. She made me feel so happy, moreover she was dressed in a very feminine way, simply there was no need to dress myself anymore as a woman. But my mind was playing tricks on me, and shortly after, I secretly bought my nylon stockings again. As I never told her about my past dressing, I decided to keep this that way. I was happy with her and didn't want to loose her. Also she came from another culture than the dutch, which is more tolerant. When my daughter was born, the sexual drive between us became very low for obvious reasons. At that same time my need to satisfy myself sexually as I did before became more important for me, and I started to buy more woman stuff. But sadly I had to hide this all and could only enjoy my transvestism as she was away. The mental pressure became so high, I decided to live alone in my own flat.
This was 8 years ago, and till the day of today I don't regret it. Now finally, I can be Nicole every evening and weekends, and experiment my feminine side to the fullest. I have a large wardrobe, a nice collection of high heels, wigs and all the stuff I need to feel myself happy. But during the day, I have to earn money for my daughter and Nicole. This is for me a perfect way to live both lifes. Sadly my life as Nicole is still in the closet, as the society here doesn't allow me to be who I would love to be. What will be the end, I don't know, becoming a full time woman means taking hormones, a trip to the plastic surgeon and to say farewell to all I have accomplished in my life.
But in the mean time, relax and enjoy my pictures at the following pages.
NICOLE SHEAR
