August 2002

Sabado, el 10 de Agosto, 2002. 11:56pm
well. i didnt get to write for like a month because first the internet connection at the ranch broke, and then they somehow disabled java on their computers and i couldnt figure out how to turn it on cause it was all in spanish so i couldnt use my page builder. so anyway, obviously a lot has happened. but i am home now. maybe i will just tell a story from Hogar each day or something. wow so much has happened. i think my life is changed yet again. i am so happy be home, but i am SO SAD that i had to leave. i am going to cry a lot. and i am kind of worried about whether or not i am going to have ANYTHING in common with my friends now. just like everythings so different. the reverse culture shock was nice. i almost had a hernia on my flight from Mexico City to L.A. Wow. it was a flight full of Yuppie families on their way home from all the choice mexican vacation spots, talking about the effects of saltwater on their hair and such. and OH MY GOSH they wear such short shorts. like in Coita, if you leave the house you dress up.... and you dont wear shorts. except maybe to play soccer. and in L.A. and probably here too, i dont remember, their buttcheeks are hanging halfway out of their shorts. it just like is so different. ay how am i going to do this. ok one day at a time. i will tell a story tomorrow, ok? i am really tired.

monday, august 12th, 2002. 12:02pm
well yesterday was the big day... nicole's first day back. i walked into church late and jd had the mic, making youth group announcements, and saw me and said "wow, nicole's home, that's an announcement in itself." then my mom proceeds to make us sit in the very front row as everyone watches us walk up there. talk about making an entrance. it's funny, everyone thinks i'm like such a giant saint or something because i spent a summer volunteering in an orphanage in southern mexico. but i don't think they realize how much fun i had. it's like i almost feel guilty for enjoying myself. i admit that going to Hogar was not a selfless deed. i have the best times there. It really is rewarding to befriend 80 kids. i don't feel guilty, though, because i know that i had a good impact on those kids, and that my good time was also their good time. anyway, i started getting a cold last week before i left (i got so many colds this summer, those kids are always sick!) and because i saw so many people yesterday and talked so much, i have lost my voice and i sound like a weirdo. i think God just wanted me to shut up or something. it's great to be back but i really miss having so much to do. and i miss doing my laundry by hand and making my hands bleed. now i am washing everything with the washer. it makes me feel so lazy to just dump it in and go. but oh well. i have to start thinking about college now. thats hard. i leave in 9 days. wow. i am so not ready. ok i have so much to say but my throat just hurts too badly to think right now. i'm getting my nose pierced this afternoon. whoooohooooo!!

wednesday, august 14th, 2002. 9:21pm
oh my gosh. i am so swamped. i have no time to myself. there is always something to do. that's exactly what i was dreading about coming home. the funny thing is, i never read here. i always think of it as a waste of time. i finished 4 books in Chiapas. all i HAD was time. why don't i get that here. just time to CHILL and nothing else. here there's always someone who wants to see me, someone who wants to do something, someone who wants to distract me. and if there's not something SOCIAL to do, there's something in PREPARATION to do. my room is a pigsty. i havent packed yet. my parents are nagging me left and right to clean up. i am on overload. i want to go back. i'm so done with this. aggghhh!!! ok i have to go start organizing again. just wanted everyone to know i'm here.

saturday, august 17th, 2002. 11:54pm
well i've started using my new laptop. woohoo. ok so anyway hmm. everything has been more of the same. still havent eaten a meal at home. i had coffee with alicia today which was nice. she's probably one of the most down-to-earth friends i have. ran into christel while she was out running. shocker. didnt really do anything tonight. i actually went to target by myself. it was nice to be alone. i had 20 bucks left on my target card, so i searched around for something i couldn't live without. didn't find it. bought a bathroom scale and a skirt that was on sale for $3. i will never have everything i need for college. what do i really need anyway? paper, pens, clothes, sheets. i'll try to calm down a little bit. i have the basics. the rest can be bought later. i went to church tonight. they had it at riverfront park which was really cool. it was almost cold, though. funny, it's been like an OVEN here the last week, but when i'm outside in shorts and a t-shirt, it gets nice and chilly. oh well. i wish i had something interesting to say but i don't. life here is boring. i leave wednesday. maybe then it will be more interesting.

he empezado de usar mi nueva computadora. wuju. pues. nada nuevo ha pasado. todavia no he comido una comida en mi casa. fui a tomar cafe con alicia hoy. ella es una de las mas real amigas que tengo. vi a christel cuando ella estaba afuera corriendo. que sorpresa. no hice nada esta noche. fui a Target sola. fue simpatico estar sola. mi tarjeta de la tienda me dejo veinte dolares, entonces busque algo sin que no pudiera vivir. no lo encontre. compre una bascula y una falda que me costo tres dolares. nunca voy a tener todo lo que necesito para la universidad. de veras, que es lo que necesito?? papel, lapiceros, ropa, sabanas. me voy a calmar un poco. casi tengo lo que necesito. los ademas, puedo comprar mas al rato. fui a la iglesia esta noche. fuimos al parque al rio, y por eso fue bien chido. pero casi hizo frio. eso es chistoso porque toda la semana, ha hecho bien caliente, como un HORNEO, y cuando yo estoy afuera, llevando shorts y una playera, haga frio. no importa. quiero algo interesante para decir. pero no tengo nada. la vida aqui es bien aburrida. me voy el miercoles. tal vez, despues de irme la vida sera mas interesante.

quiero aprender a usar los accentos en las computadoras de los estados unidos.

monday, august 19th, 2002. 12:16pm
i just woke up. that's a good feeling. although it makes me feel pretty pathetic. in mexico i felt majorly lazy if i got up after 9:30. eh, what's 3 hours? besides, i just can't seem to be not tired. i'm always just exhausted. like more that just sleepy. its just like everything in me can't move. i think it might be getting better, i went on like a 2 hour walk with christel yesterday. i think that could just be due to the fact that i was talking the whole time, and i have no problem doing that. so yeah right now i'm preparing to get about 3 cavities filled this afternoon by eating candy. i thought that was a good idea. i'm so bored.

acabo de levantarme. me siento bien. pero me hace a sentir bien patetica. en mexico siempre sentia muy floja si me levantara despues de las 9:30. pero que es tres horas? es que ahora estoy tan cansada. siempre estoy agotada. como mas que tener sueno. todo mi cuerpo no puede moverse. pienso que esta mejorando, christel y yo pasamos 2 horas anoche caminando en el centro. pero tal vez es solo por hablar tanto. no tengo problema con hablar. y ahora estoy preparandome para el dentista. el va a rellenar 3 carieses esta tarde. y entonces estoy comiendo dulces. pienso que es un buen idea. estoy tan aburrida.

tuesday, august 20th, 2002. 5:13pm
well tomorrow's the big day. we'll see how that goes. my cavity fillings went well. it only took and hour and a half. it think i had less than the other times i had to go in. and i got to watch those cool Direct TV glasses. it's so great watching better tv than i get at home, even if they are poking around in my mouth and drilling teeth. i was watching a 7th Heaven rerun and there's this part where Matt is supposed to be studying in the church to get away from distractions, but he ends up in his dad's pastor robe and mantel, wrapped around like a scarf, switching off between pretending to be a pastor and playing ball game songs on the organ. anyway, when the church caretaker walked in and Matt was trying to make excuses, i got so amused that i started laughing....only the dentist was still drilling away, so i tried to hold it in, but that just made it worse, so i finally had to change the channel in order to settle down. it was really funny. anyway, not really anything has been happening. i think maybe by tomorrow i will have lots to say. just wait for it!!!

manana es el gran dia. vamos a ver como ira eso dia. mi cita del dentista me fue bien. solo pasaron una hora y media. pienso que tenia menos carieses que la ultima vez. yo vi los lentes de la tele...eso esta bien chido. mas canales que los que tengo en mi casa, mientras estaban golpeandome en la boca. yo estaba veyendo una programa se llama 7th Heaven, y uno de los hijos estaba estudiando en la iglesia donde su padre es el pastor, pero en vez que estudiar, el estaba en su ropa de su padre, el pastor, jugando que el es el pastor, y tambien tocando canciones en el piano que tocan en los partidos de beisbol. cuando el hombre que cuidaba la iglesia entro, el hijo, Matt, trataba hacer excusas. me dio tanto risa, pero, no pude reirme con los dedos y instrumentos del dentista al dentro de me boca. yo tenia que cambiar el programa para no reirme mas. era bien chistoso. bueno, nada ha estatdo pasando. tal vez, manana voy a tener algo que decir.

sunday, august 25th, 2002. 6:11pm
well i'm here alright. my first day i was pretty terrified, my second day i was just overwhelmed. but i have met a few people who are turning into pretty good friends, so i am pretty excited. i am in the Global Village hall, which has one american student and one international student in each room. and guess what..... my roomate is from Mexico! i get to practice my spanish all the time!! it's great and i am really excited. she's really nice, i'm really lucky. i've met some awesome people to hang out with too. liz and chris are on my floor, and they're both really nice although i give them a few days before they are officially a couple. they always have me come do things with them and stuff, its really nice of them. they both have cars, too. so like today when my nosering fell out they offered to take me to find a piercing place to put it back in and stuff. anyway, i've hung out with them so far, and also liz's twin sister kate and some other people here and there. things are looking like they will be ok. the one thing i'm trying to adjust to is the fact that SO MANY people drink in college. i mean, i always knew it, i just never really thought about it until that is all everyone talks about, especially when i visit julia's sorority. it's hard. i hate feeling so different. i went to college to meet people that didnt make me feel SO different. but i'm just surrounded by a huge greek life and tons of parties. oh well, so far i havent been pressured or anything . so i'm just gonna chill. i'm having fun so far, so i just wont freak out.

wednesday, august 28th, 2002. 4:47pm
its funny in college its like i have nothing and everything to do all at once. last night i went to bed at 1:30 and STILL couldnt fall asleep. i need to remember to only do the things i WANT to do. that's a little conflicting at the moment. although i have really surprised myself so far with the whole partying thing. i always thought i'd probably eventually give in to drinking in college. and i know it's only been a week, but it still doesnt even sound remotely appealing. maybe it's because the whole greek system is kind of pissing me off, and maybe i'm just rebelling against that. also i think it's that i dont want to just go drop everything i've stood for for the last probably 7 years of my life. i mean, doesnt that make you weak? i guess i dont disapprove really that much of drinking in college as opposed to high school and middle school drinking, but i don't know. its just there's so many things that still make it so retarded to me. like making out or having sex with a guy you don't even know, and may never see again. or getting a $500 MIP. or puking like crazy the next morning. or not remembering parts of your night, or waking up with mysterious scrapes and bruises from the previous night's stumbling. and then there's the whole losing track of why you're really at college in the first place. but right now, i'm good because the friends i have here are cooler than that. and have a purpose. minus matt, whom i affectionately call "chris' druggie roomate" who when he found out that the only drink i've ever had was some champagne at the quincenera party at Hogar this summer, said "DUDE, i'm gonna get you wasted!!" GOSH those people bug me.

now onto the next topic that is bothering me. boys. i have been here a week and there is nothing. believe it or not, this is weird for me. it's not like i always have guys fawning over me or something, dont get me wrong. I WISH. but usually i meet SOMEONE when i go to a new place. and it's not like there's NO GUYS here or anything. i mean there's some awesome ones. but they're all either older, or with someone else, or too damn shy. i can't handle it. haha. and then if you go around campus at night, there are couples EVERYWHERE. and that just makes my little heart go DAMN. so i'm hanging in there. i mean it's only been a week. what do i expect? for them to all FLOCK to me in a week? no one gets me here, i swear. ok i'm done for now.

friday, august 30th, 2002. 8:06pm
wow. i am so exhausted today. thank goodness for labor day weekend. everyone's leaving. gosh people we just got here. i do realize that most of them live like an hour away but still. so i am just chillin in the dorms this weekend. since i'm in the exchange student hall, there's still a lot of people around cause heaven knows they can't go home. chris and liz stayed, they're going to spokane on sunday. but when the couple stays, but the rest of the friends who make me not a third wheel leave, it kind of still sucks. they're really nice about it and stuff but honestly its not as fun when i'm worried about intruding. besides, it's quite depressing really. i know i've only been here for a week and i know i dont NEED a guy. but honestly they make life more fun. i dont know what's wrong with me right now. i am so tired and anti-social. i can't handle how tired i am. i'll probably go to bed at like 9. it's already eight and i feel like its freaking midnight. my roomate is going out to another latino party. she wants me to come but i told her i want to get adjusted to being here first. really i just don't feel very social right now. i kind of feel like crying but i dont know why. blah. i need sleep. thats what i'm doing all weekend i think.

August 2002