July 2004
Friday, July 2nd, 2004.  6:21am
This week work has been pretty crappy.  They finally started training me on the really boring jobs.  I told my boss that I don't feel challenged, so he gave me an even MORE boring job.  I wouldn't have been quite as pissed if he hadn't sat there and bullshitted to me that it WAS challenging.  I only got four hours of sleep yesterday so i was kind of grumpy anyway, and that just did it.  "I'll do it, just stop giving me all that bullshit about it being challenging," i said as i walked out of the office, letting the door slam behind me.  This boss isn't really a boss, he's just kind of the one that organizes and oversees us.  I don't think i could ever speak to a boss like that.  I think before i never talked to anyone like that.  I feel like i'm much more likely to be bitchy if i'm pissed than i used to be.  I don't feel like just sitting there and pretending everything is ok when it isn't. 

This week i've also been really busy getting all the immigration stuff together, running errands, etc.  My schedule is just so not conducive to getting things done.  Saturday will make my twentieth day working without a day off.  but rumor is that we get sunday AND monday off, so we'll see.  i need to catch up on my me time.  I don't even have anything to write about anymore because my whole life consists of two things: work and sleep.  I can do anything for a summer, i know.  it just gets so frustrating sometimes that to get what i need i have to completely sacrifice my  happiness.  sometimes i wonder what it would be like to have money.  i'm not saying i would be happy just because of having money, but i would at least have time to do things that make me happy. 
monday, july 5th, 2004.  8:42pm
day number two of my two days off.  nice.  yesterday i didn't really do anything.  i went to canby with my mom to pick up the rest of the furniture i bought at her friend's garage sale, then we went to Pier 1 to get some cushions for the chair i bought.  then i slept for a couple more hours, watched a movie with my mom, and watched my dad set off some fireworks.  Not really a thrilling fourth of july, but it was a nice day off. 

today courtney and julia helped me paint my new dresser, then we went to La Hacienda for dinner.  i felt a little more social than usual.  so it was nice to get out of the house and all that.  i still just feel exhausted though.  i've had these really bad headaches all week too. 

i think something's really wrong with me.  i kind of burst into tears for no reason sometimes.  i guess i feel kind of. . . useless.  like if i didn't exist, the world  wouldn't be any different.  that's really depressing.  i think a lot of it has to do with my job.  it's like. . . any idiot could do this.  i don't feel challenged at all, i don't even feel like i have a purpose there.  i think i've started to let that feeling of uselessness carry over into the rest of my life because if you think about it, right now my job IS my life.  my parents keep telling me that this kind of stuff makes you stronger in the end, but i feel like it's really just wearing me down.  i think i'm not emotionally stable anyway.  actually i know im not.  i'll just flat out say it.  this sucks. 
wednesday, july 21st, 2004.  7:32pm
it's not that i MEANT to go two weeks without writing, its just that  a) i don't have much time lately for anything besides writing and sleeping and b) my life is just so plain boring right now that there's been nothing to write about.  i mean, literally nothing.  i spend most of my time missing adrian and who wants to read about that? 

Work is getting disappointing.  Like, i thought maybe it would be ok, with so many hours and such good money.  but it's so mind numbing that i can't handle it.  Plus, my one good friend there moved.  So now it's even lonlier.  Yesterday i started asking my lead if he thinks the temp agency could find me a more challenging job with the same good pay.  he said probably, but told me not to leave yet.  i pointed out that it took him over two years just to move up to lead.  he said he'd see if HR is hiring for any office positions.  i'm not holding my breath.  i supposed i should at least finish out the summer ther because it's good money. but after that maybe i'll look for a job in monmouth.  working at the potato chip factory makes fast food look fun. 
saturday, july 31st, 2004.  7:24am
so a lot has happened in the last week and a half.  i found an apartment here in salem that is close enough to monmouth and it's PERFECT.  they're remodeling it, putting in new floors, carpet, bathroom fixtures, paint, curtains, everything.  i will be able to move in on tuesday and i'm SOOOO excited.  also, i bought the camry from my parents, so i have my own car now, as well as my own insurance.  i'm a little overwhelmed.  ive also decided to work full time as long as i can during school.  this job just pays too well to walk away from.  i figure the longer i work there the better, because i can save up to be able to work part time when i just can't handle it anymore.  it's funny, the friday after i started talking about finding a more challenging job, i picked up my check and i had gotten a 50 cent raise.  i didnt know they give temps raises.  not that i'm complaining of course.  you're supposed to get another raise when you get hired as a permanent employee.  then i would be making about ten bucks an hour.  ive never been that rich in all my life!!

work's weird now, i'm almost used to it i suppose, even though i don't like it.  my only good friend there quit a few weeks ago and it's just not the same without him.  i try making friends with the new temps but they never last long.  then its even more disappointing.  im thinking about not talking to them anymore just so i dont get my hopes up.  i keep myself entertained mostly by observing other peoples' weird behaviors and elaborating on them in my extremely bored mind.  that or singing as loud as i can while i run my tests.  the machines are so loud that no one can hear my horrible off key noise. 

today they kept us late, but the upside is that we got a couple of hours of overtime and now we get the weekend off.  i honestly dont even know what ill do with myself.  im thinking peeling Reelect Bush stickers off of cars sounds entertaining.  of course i would never have the balls to do it.  i don't want to be arrested or anything.  but seriously, if bush gets reelected i'll move.  i can't walk among a society of people who would reelect Bush.  Last weekend i got saturday and sunday off and i went to amy's because she was having a few friends from school over.  i didnt know any of them but they were nice.  one of them, though, was this staunchly republican guy.  when i told him i will move if bush gets reelected he said "good, you should."  i was so caught off guard,  but i almost find it amusing.  i honestly just don't see how you could have a clear conscience and support Bush.  I have to admit that i am doubly affected by Bush's influence since i married a Cuban.  Bush, who claims to be in favor of family values, has put into effect these horrible new restrictions against Cuba.  People who have immediate family in Cuba (i am now one of them) can only go to visit their family once every three years for two weeks.  that means that after Adrian gets here, he will only see his family once every three years.  This makes me feel absolutely terrible because he is verly close to his family.  he has a two year old sister who won't know him while she grows up.  His brother is practically his best friend and his mom is so important to him that i once asked as she told him her opinion of his choice of outfits (followed by several suggestions for alternates), "what would you do without your mom??"  because he decided to marry the person he loves, after he comes to be with me he can no longer be a part of his family's lives, and in turn, they can no longer be a part of his.  and it's all thanks to bush's blatant attempt to win the vote of the influential Miami Cuban exiles in Florida.  I find the implementation of these restrictions so coldheartedly selfish that all i can feel is horror that this man is supposed to represent the interests of the people of this country.  Not only that, the restrictions he placed on money that can enter Cuba from the U.S: will lead to even MORE difficult lives for virtually all Cubans, as dollars become harder and harder to obtain.  These people will suffer because of an act that Bush and other U.S. governmental officials claim is to "liberate" the Cuban people from the Communist dictatorship that is "oppressing" them.  They're just too afraid that without the embargo, the Cuban Communist experiment just might work!  Heaven forbid the people have their needs met under Castro!!  I believe very much in the rights to freedom of speech and other rights that Cubans do not have.  but even more that that i believe in the basic rights to food, shelter, healthcare, etc.  The U.S. government is doing everything in its power to take thpse rights away from Cubans as a way of pressuring Castro to step down so that the threat of a *gasp* semi successful communist economy will disappear.  I know that Bush is not the only president to have tightened the embargo, but he has definitely dealt a blow more damaging than most people realize.  The most disturbing part is its transparency as purely a way of getting the ever-needed Florida votes.
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