Scene: Mussolini�s House, Frap-A-Chino�s Coffee House
Characters: Dubya (D), Mussolini (M), Hitler (H), Osama Hippie Squirrel (OHS), Saddam Hippie Squirrel (SHS), and Stalin (S)
*After a rousing night of fun and mischief. Everyone awakes and Dubya offers to make breakfast*
D: I will make breakfast! Who wants some!? I know I do cause I�m making my favorite. The best food in the whole world better than ANYTHING! It�s so-
M: *Interrupts* Is it going to be popcorn!? Cause every time you make popcorn you go all insane and no one else gets any. Plus popcorn isn�t a good breakfast food.
D: *Shouts* NO! It�s going to be real breakfast food! And maybe there will be real breakfast drinks and rolls and *Excitedly* crescents�well crescents are rolls but I think we all get the point. Hm? Hm?
M: *Contradictingly* Dubya?
D: Oh fine! I wont make breakfast! Happy? Cause I am now sad and I don�t like to be sad� *Shouting angrily* Is my sadness pleasing to you!? Does it make you happy!?
M: Yes very happy. *Is happy*
D: But who will make breakfast? Cause I am now not allowed�*Mutters* I�ll seek my revenge Mussolini *Yells* I SHALL SEEK IT GOOD!
M: Seek what?
D: Nothing�I mean seek who will make breakfast?
H: *Heroic* I�ll make breakfast!
*All are happy and relived and shout �HOORAY!�*
H: And I can set the table!
OHS : *Amazed* WOW! Are you kidding me? Cause that is �
*Hitler feels ashamed about his girly ways*
OHS: So GREAT!
H: *Feels happy and what not* Any ways I know a woman who really knows how to decorate! She is great but I seem to have forgotten her name� *Thinks really hard* Oh I don�t know but it�s something Stewart. Any ways she had some great decorating tips. How do you think I learned how to tie this neat handkerchief around my neck?
OHS: I don�t know, I guess I just thought you were talented.
H: NOPE! I just know talented people!
OHS: I see. *Time passes* Oh my gosh! I knew that name sounded familiar. She has a daughter and/or grandchild. She went to jail you know.
H: No I didn�t know. But now I do! *Concerned* But what did she do to go to jail, like some evil jail whore?
OHS: Oh she embezzled money or something like that. *Thinks* Inside trading! That�s it!
H: Okay now it�s breakfast time! *Goes into kitchen* Who wants bacon and eggs?
All: *Happy and excited* WE DO! WE DO!
H: Alright-y cause that�s all I know how to make�
*15 to 20 minutes later Hitler walks out with food for everyone, he sets it on the table*
H: Ok dig in!
*All eat and make eating noises*
D: Now Mussolini what are these plans you have for us? HUH? Out with it!
M: Well Mr. Pushy!
D: The name is Dubya!
M: Just let me eat my breakfast! *Seconds later* Finished! Now Saddam and Osama I have a plan for you both to become humans again.
OHS: Hooray! On both our behalf *Saddam nods*
M: Okay here it is. We go back to the pit where you *Finger quotations* �died� in and we push you back into it. And hopefully you will be humans again. Now it might not work on the first try so we might have to try it several times and what not.
SHS: WHO CARES! We will be humans again! So it works for us!
OSH: Yeah!
M: Okay good cause I have no other plans and if it didn�t work for you I wouldn�t have any other plan for you and we would all be in a mess. *Gasps for air* See my dilemma slash not dilemma? It was a pretty hefty dilemma, and I would be sad that I didn�t please you and oh it would be bad.
OHS: There, there. *Pats his back* We do see that dilemma slash not dilemma. *Smiles*
M: OKAY! That makes me happy! Lets get frap-a-chinos!
OHS: Well okay! *All leave for frap-a-chinos after drinking a few frap-a-chinos Hitler says*
H: WHAT ABOUT ME! I have problems too you know! Two whole problems that need solving! Two!
M: Yes, yes you do. Well give me a moment to ponder. *Ponders* Okay I think I have it, well I have it about your Eva issue-
H: *Interrupting* Okay go on!
M: I was before I was so rudely interrupted. *Glares at Hitler*
*Hitler feels bad*
M: *Sips his frap-a-chino* Well here�s what we do. We go on over to Eva�s and you wear everything you wore on your last date, bring her the same flowers you did before and some �Forget Me� dust. Now I know that �Forget Me� dust is hard to get. But I know a guy. Here�s how it�ll work you give her enough to forget three years of memories and time it out for your date. And then just go out with her. Get it?
H: *Excitedly* Yes, YES I DO! Wow that was a great idea!
M: *Blushes* Oh I know it�s great! You aint got to tell me twice!
H: Well I wasn�t going to�*Time passes*
D: WHAT ABOUT ME MUSSOLINI?! *Waves his arms in the air frantically* WHAT ABOUT ME!?
M: I�m getting there. Hold your horses!
D: *Gasps* I have horses? WHERE!? I want them. Where are you keeping them? I will find out! I wanted to be a FBI investigator you know!
OHS: Oh!?
D: Yeah� But then I just became president�
OHS: Oh.
D: Yeah� So, them horses!
M: It was just a saying. I have no horses for you.
D: *Is saddened* WHY!? Why did you lie like that? *Is hurt but sips his frap-a-chino* Ah�
M: I didn�t mean it! I SWEAR I DIDN�T!
D: Ok, ok what about my plans to get back to the future? We can�t be here forever�my flowers are going to wilt and I love my garden. If it wasn�t there for me I would be sad and I might DIE!
M: *Gasps* Hm�let me ponder that. We don�t want you dead now do we?
D: Oh heavens no!
M: *Ponders long and hard* EUREKA! I�ve got it.
*Dubya, Osama and Saddam perk up in happy frap-a-chino excitement*
M: We all go back to the field with all the gnomes and find that white house. And then have Dubya slip�on a wal-nut or something and hit the �TAB� key, again!
H: Can�t I hit it!?
M: NO! Only Dubya!
H: Aw�Dubya always get to do the fun stuff!
D: Hey you weren�t there when I hit the �TAB� key. How did you know?
M: Um�I�m magical like that.
D: Works for me!
M: GOOD! Cause I am magical. So magical! You will never know the magical-ness I have. It�s MAGICAL! Now lets get back home, I�m starting to get a little twitchy�
*All go home and get rested then we hear a Ding-Dong*
M: *Girl-ish scream* Not the delivery boys again! They instilled fear in me! *Cries*
H: Oh I�ll get it don�t you worry Mussolini! But first coffee! *Gets a glass of coffee*
D: More coffee?
H: I like coffee! Besides those were frap-a-chinos, and I didn�t drink all of the 4th cup! *Runs over to the door. Hitler opens the door. Gasps. Drops his cup of coffee in horror* NO! NOO! *Long and drawn out* NOOOOO!
S: Hello, Hitler! *Dramatic music*
H: What!? Huh what do you want? Want my legs and arms too? Cause I�m not betting those! *Runs into the bathroom and locks the door and we hear sobbing*
S: HA HA HA! *Enters* That Hitler always was a big crybaby wasn�t he Mussolini?
M: I don�t know what you�re talking about. You�you�fiend!
S: *All serious and strait faced* Ow, that hurt Mussolini�I need some time to think about this. *Time passes* Okay where were we?
M: Um lets see you came in and said �HA HA HA! That Hitler always was a big crybaby wasn�t he Mussolini?� and then I said �I don�t know what you�re talking about. You�you�fiend!�
S: Oh right. *Clears his throat* Oh I think you do! *Flashing back with Stalin narrating* It was a warm winters afternoon and the sun was shining a little to much- *Comes out of flashback as Dubya interrupts*
D: *Interrupts* I�ll make popcorn! Wait here! Don�t go on till I get back ok?
S: Ok, ok. But hurry!
*A few minutes later Dubya shows up with a big bowl of popcorn and he plops himself down on the sofa then gets up after a minute or so*
D: You know what I am going to the spare bedroom with Osama and Saddam�cause I think this might bore me. *Leaves and Hitler cracks the door a bit and listens in on the flashback*
S: Any way *Flashes back again with Stalin narrating* It was a warm winters afternoon and the sun was shining a little too much. And I was strolling over to say hey to Hitler as he was playing in the sandbox with Mussolini. So I went over and asked if I could play. And he yelled �No you stupid Russian� So I got angry and pushed him and stole his favorite toy, the Easy Bake oven. And he cried and cried for hours. But I didn�t care. So then, I broke it. And I went up top the monkey bars and gave a little speech. And I am not going to repeat that speech. For I forgot it. *Flashback ends*
H: I knew it! You must DIE! *Runs over all unbalanced and what not but fails and falls to the ground* OW! *Tears up. To himself* Don�t cry Hitler, don�t cry. You can�t let him see you cry! *Gets up and sees a bag on Stalin�s shoulder. Casually* What�s in the bag?
S: Oh nothing�EXCEPT YOUR GROOVE! *Tauntingly* It�s groovy and I like it! Some times I like to dress it up in woman�s clothing and make it put on shows for me�*All evilly and taunting-ish* HA HA HA!
H: MY GROOVE! But we used to dress up in woman�s clothing and put on shows! *Cries* Why did you come here?
S: *Confused at the last comment* Well I think it�s pretty simple Hitler. To taunt you about not having your groove, and I guess to taunt you about not having some one to dress up with�
H: *Nonchalantly* Oh me and Joe do that all the time still. *Sadly* Why must you be so mean?
S: Cause I can be and I never forgave you for pushing me! I had a huge scrapes on my knees for weeks. *Is saddened and reminded of the pain* But then we had tacos! So I was all like yay TACOS! And I did my taco dance�YEAH TACO DANCE!
M: Well we don�t regret pushing you! Cause you�re just a self absorbed punk who�s Russian! And Russians aren�t GOOD! So that means your stupid, stupid you! *Pauses* Getting tacos�*Sighs*
S: HA HA! One more thing to taunt poor little Hitler with! He has no tacos and never will!
M: But I have taco mix and meat and shells! HARD AND SOFT ONES!
H: YEAH! I�m not afraid of you, but I don�t know why you having tacos would make me scared�but that�s not important! The point is I am not afraid of you! Go rule the world. JUST GO! We�ll get you back!
M: NOW LEAVE!
*Stalin leaves and is sad that he didn�t strike fear into Hitler*
H: Now for my plan to get my groove! And after that we are making some tacos!
M: Yes we shall, cause well tacos ROCK! And I never liked that Stalin he was always so evil like, and he taunted a lot�that�s never a good sign�
H: Yes he did, and he was evil too!
*Mean while in the spare bedroom*
D: Hey Osama and Saddam want to go play Marco Polo in Mussolini�s pool?
OHS: I know I do!
SHS: Me too!
*They all go change and run out to the pool laughing and pushing each other and it cuts back to Mussolini and Hitler*
M: I�ve got it! Stalin�s nephew is having a bar mitzvah sometime this month, I got a special invite! We could crash it and then take your groove from Stalin! It�s brilliant! And always remember I am MAGIC!
H: Yes, yes it is. And you are MAGIC! But what if an elderly Jewish man chases me and beats me with his cane? Or his whacking stick as the young people say. Cause old men they carry those around to kill young people like us�
M: Don�t worry we will watch out for them, and if we see one we will steal his whacking stick!
H: Excellent! *Does that evil Mr. Burns hand thing*
*Hours later Dubya Osama and Saddam run into the house laughing and joking around dripping wet*
M: Oh hurry up and dry off I don�t want water everywhere!
D: Ok guys lets go out on the deck and gaze at the stars.
OHS: Yeah that would be the fun-est! Cause we like stars�they are nice and they make me feel less squirrelly� Oh and Mussolini I had an accident on your deck earlier�we just left it.
M: Well I will clean it up later. At least those have been planned out! I�m going to write them down on my �To Do� list.
H: Okay I�m just going to sit here and write in my Dia-�I mean I�ll just *Deep voice* be manly! And burp or something!
M: Okay�*Wonders off*
H: *Takes out his Diary*
March 26th 1942
Dear Dairy,
Today was exciting and it was also traumatic. I had lots of fun planning out how to get my groove and Eva back! And I made breakfast and set the table. And we were all having fun until Stalin my life long enemy showed up and taunted me with my own groove! Oh it was so sad�I ran to the bathroom and cried for a while then he did an embarrassing flashback! Gosh I just wanted to DIE right then and there. Since no one can read this and it�s my own private thoughts I just want to say� That Osama as a squirrel is even better than in person! GROWL! Well it is getting late I must go dairy, Mussolini�s coming and I can�t let him see me this way, and I mean the thing about Osama if he sees that�then I will be in trouble. So bye now.
Sincerely,
Adolph Hitler
M: Hey what�s that?
H: Oh my diary, I MEAN NOTHING *Hides the diary in his pants* Well it�s late should I go home or crash here?
M: Crash? Is that some new hip word that you young kids are using?
H: No�we are the same age I�m no younger than you�can I stay here?
M: Oh sure stay here we all love you!
*Dubya, Osama, and Saddam are all tuckered out and went to sleep early. Mussolini and Hitler chat a bit and then fall asleep late at night*
M: Nighty, night Hitler!
H: Nighty, night Mussolini!
*Mussolini falls asleep and Hitler goes out to look at the stars*
H: Wow the universe is so big and I am so groove less. *Cries for hours and Dubya hears him and comes out*
D: *We hear a splat sound* Aww I stepped in poo� Aww and I�m not wearing any shoes. Ew, gross� I�ll wash it out in Mussolini�s pool. *Washes it out* Anyhow, Hitler are you okay? You seem kind of down lately�
H: Yeah�*Sniffles* I�m gonna be okay I just needed that out of my system� Lets go in. *They both go inside* Well I am going to go to sleep now�see you in the morning.
D: Okay�nighty night Hitler. *Waves and goes to bed*
And Scene