Scene: A White House, The Street, Store, Shades place, Hobo Place, Hobo Box
Characters: Hitler (H), Dubya (D), Fidel Castro (FC), Babs (B), Mussolini (M), Osama Bin Laden (OBL), Saddam Hussein (SH), Chuck (HB), Greg (G), Joe (J), Shades Man (SM), Some Guy (SG), The PO-lice (P), The Marching Band Man (MB), The Fellas (TF), The PO-lice Voice (PV), And Penelope the Chicken (PC)
*Lights come on and it�s raining outside then we see everyone sitting around drinking coffee listening intently to Hitler as he finishes his joke*
H: So then I said �What cow!?� *Everyone Burst into laughter* Yes it was a funny day that was�*Reminisces* If only I could go back to that time and experience it again�*Sighs and shakes his head in disappointment* If only�
*All slowly calm down their laughing except Dubya*
D: *Continuing his laughing* Oh you! *Hand thing. He continues to laugh* What cow!? Ha Ha! God that was so funny! *Slams his fist down on the table. Cooling down his laugh* Cow! Ah ha ha! Oh that was good�*Wipes away a tear and everyone stares at Dubya* What? It was funny!
*All still stare blankly but then they hear a �Ding-Dong�*
D: OH I�LL GET IT! Cause it�s my house, and you know it only makes sense! *All nod Dubya walks over to the door and opens it*
FC: Hello Dubya! It�s me�Fidel. *Smiles as water drips off his cowboy hat and onto his face* Like my cowboy hat?
D: *Shrill cry of happiness* AH Fidel! Kisses! *Does the kissy cheek thing* Come in, come in! *Beckons with his hand for Fidel to come in* I love that hat, oh your all wet�come step over here on the mat. *Points to the mat Fidel steps over and takes off his wet clothes and stuff*�That�s why it�s there. Oh boy your looking quite nice and different�did you loose weight? Cause by golly it looks like you have! Or did you get a hair cut�ANYTHING?
FC: Why thank you, for inviting me in! And I might have lost weight�But I�ll never tell *Both chuckle* Oh it is good to see you Dubya�it�s been a few years since we last saw�each other. I had a pause in my talking there. It was quite weird I must say, but hey there�s been weirder stuff in this place�I think. Oh I�ll stop rambling!
D: Oh yes please stop the rambling and I know it hasn�t been since you *Finger quotes* �Band� America from Cuba�now it�s only the important people who go down there and par-tay it up! Like ME! And Osama, Saddam, Babs, and our new friends of the past�who were important, but now no longer are.
FC: Oh I know, we have the funnest times ever! And more to come with these new friends you have here�
*Dubya nods in agreement*
B: *Shouting from the other room* Honey, who is it?
D: *Shouting back* You�ll never guess who! This person out here is so magical, so wonderful�he�s like a dolphin! But BETTER!
B: *Shouting some more from the other room* Is it Fidel? Fidel Castro?
D: *Sighs and shouts back* How did you know!?
*Babs enters the door area*
B: Cause when you opened the door you screamed �AH FIDEL!��that sort of gave it away.
D: The why�d you ask who it was?
B: Trying to keep it fresh and exciting�you know?
D: I guess�But look! *Unveiling with his hands to Fidel* It�s Fidel Castro!
FC: *Babs looks at Fidel* Ta-Da! *Does that little arm thing*
B: *Opens her arms and goes and hugs Fidel* Oh Fidel it�s nice to see you, come in come in. *Beckons him in more while she walks into the room* I made some coffee�and there�s cigars and I even made some marsh mellow squares. Here try one! *Displays the marsh mellow squares in her hands*
FC: Well I think I just might! *Takes of his boots that were still on and walks in to the room and takes a marshmallow square then greets everyone* Hello people! I am Fidel Castro. It�s nice to see such new and shinny faces�you guys must have the best acne wash EVER! Cause look at these un-shinny faces. *Takes out his wallet and shows some unclean faces of people that are from Cuba. Eats some marsh mellow square*
D: Oh we do have the best acne treatments!
B: *Gets a close look at the pictures* Ew they are so dirty! Like pigs, but they are humans!
FC: I know, it�s disturbing aint it?
B: *Nods* I think I could be sick. But *Shrugs* who has the time? *All stare* ANSWER ME! FOOLS!
*All chime in not at once and say things like �I don�t, not me� and so forth. Babs smiles*
M: *Questioningly* Fidel? Who is this Fidel? I mean I was all in the past times, not the new and worser times we are in now. The past times we were Fidel-less and now I am confused on the whole Fidel Castro thing�and so are my friends. Look at them! *Points to Hitler and Chuck who look rather confused*
OBL: *Answeringly* Well Fidel Castro is the very nice and handsome ruler of CUBA! He�s the best person from Cuba ever�we have weekly picnics there! With food�mmm I love me some food�*Goes off dreaming of food*
H: Cuba!? I can get my groove back if we go there!
M: Right! Cause ghosts don�t die�neither do grooves!
SH: *Sort of interruptingly* Yes well, he �band� America from there and we love him for it. Now during our picnic we have no annoying people coming over being all annoying. Just his Cuban servants who cower in fear when they see him! And this makes Fidel lovable, and because he is so grand and nice to us! I mean just look at that beard and camouflage�how could he be not loved? It�s almost against the law to hate this guy! It sure is illegal in Cuba!
FC: *Nods* It sure is! *All Laugh*
M: That sort of clears it all up�I think I am going to pour myself some more coffee�*Pours more coffee. Taking to himself* And I�ll add all the best stuff to it! sugar, cream, milk, and butter! It will be the tasty-est coffee EVER! *Goes on with his talking to himself. Then screams out* BUTTER! *We see him loading his coffee with butter*
*All Ignoring him*
HB: *Sadly* But I�I am still confused! Will some one help me and clear this confusion up?
FC: Well there�s no more they can tell you�uh what�s your name?
HB: *Happily* Chuck! Chuck is the name, don�t wear it out! *Chuckles to himself* Oh that was a good one, I best write it down! *Writes it down in his little notebook*
FC: Yeah well if your confused you will forever be cause that�s all there is to me�I am a shallow shallow person. Well personally and what not� Some one say something to stop this uncomfortable situation�SOMEONE!
*Check for someone then sits confused thinking and everyone else stares at him blankly. Time passes*
HB: *Speaks up after his confusion* But�I want to learn about you! You�re my sunshine!
FC: I just met you�*Puts his hand up to his face and says to the others* I think this guy is a stalker�*Backs away slowly* Moving on�*Turns to see Hitler*
H: *Drinking his coffee he notices Fidel looking at him and swallows* Oh hello! I am Hitler! *Puts out his hand and Fidel shakes it* You must be Fidel! Take me to Cuba!
FC: *Chuckles* Maybe later and�I AM! It was nice of you to notice! Some people just ignore the fact that I am Fidel Castro�*Is angered* I hate those people!
H: Don�t we all�But I am a nice guy, and I notice things that need to be noticed�that�s how I work!�Yup I work like that.
FC: Thanks for clearing that up.
H: *Nods* Anytime�
*Cuts to Dubya talking to Babs with no one surrounding them. But then everyone comes in and listens to the story about to be told*
B: Hello guys! Take a seat we are about to talk of things�fun things I assume!
All: Okay! *All sit down and listen intently*
D: Now Babs how exactly did you go back in time�you know before we came back here and all?
B: Well�*Gets all flashy backy* After I left the house I went on down to the store�
*Shows her after leaving the house and then the house getting all warped and Babs just thinks it�s the wind*
B: Wow that was a strong wind�I should turn around and check on my flowers, they are ever so fragile. *Looks at her watch* OH I have no time for that! *Walks off fast*
*She then goes on down to the store and walks in to buy some things. She then sees Greg and goes up to him all pretendy*
B: *Friendly punching his shoulder* Why hello good sir! *Chuckles*
G: *Devilishly* YOU! Stop breathing and then you will stop being alive! *Laughs evilly. Babs whimpers. He hears this and turns* Oh, Babs! I�m sorry I thought you were Joe *Babs is happy* The egocentric maniac who�s trying to kill me! Do you know him?
B: No, is he here now?
G: Yes, he�s over there loading those melons into that display case. *Points to Joe*
J: I�m going to get you! Your going to die a slow horrible death. Something with mallets and bricks�maybe I�ll hit you with them! *Laughs maniacally*
G: See? *Cowers in fear*
B: *Chuckles and does the hand thing* Oh Greg, you know how to make a woman laugh�*Slaps him playfully on the back* Your like a big fun talking dog with a bucket on his head�cause that�s funny!
G: *Slowly* Yeah�What will you be having today? Anything new? Anything old? Out with it WOMAN! You can�t hide it from me forever!
B: *Slaps him* Don�t treat me that way! You know I was verbally abused when I was younger! And that right there is verbal abuse. But luckily I know how to stand up for myself and slap people when they get out of line! I took a karate class! *Is proud of herself*
G: *Feels bad* I am sorry�I had no idea�come here. *Opens arms for a hug and then they hug in sorry-ness and forgive full ness*
B: But back to your question, I�ll have the usual and uh� *Thinks* Oh phooey! What was it George wanted me to get him? Oh! A BPG party mix! Do you have that?
G: Oh of course we do! We have everything that a person could ever want! Right here in this store of magical ness�and some times hate. *Looks at Joe and Joe shakes his fist angrily. Greg turns back to Babs*
B: You even have soup!?
G: Okay we don�t have that�*Is ashamed in the store* Cure you store! You say you have it all but is there soup!? NO! *In agony* Why!? *Cries*
B: There, there. *Pats his back* It�s not your fault your store has no soup.
G: Yes it is, I won it�*Cries more*
B: Oh whatever, I don�t care.
G: Thanks for the support.
B: *Nods* Anytime� Now where will I find these BPG�s you speak of?
G: *Gets up* Oh well Isle 4. *Points towards isle 4* Right next to the cheeses! There�s lots of cheese�so you might have to search for a bit.
B: *Cheery* Okay! And thanks. *Walks to isle 4 to find the food. Talking to herself* Lets see CPG�s? No�But that�s corn popcorn and grapes�ew! Uh corn on a stick�no that�s not it. AH! BPG oh discount extra big bag, too! Well off to the checkout�WAIT! I want candy. Oh I�m silly that�s at the checkout! Silly, silly me! *Walks back to the checkout* Here is the candy! *Picks some up* Alright I am all ready now Greg. Ring it up!
G: Is that all for today Babs?
B: Yes I just said it was! Lets open our ears instead of the bags for once!
G: I know you said it but are you sure, sometimes you forget things. Like that one time. *Starts to laugh* Oh it was fun.
B: *Laughs uncomfortably* Yeah�good times right there�*Not in a fun mood* Now ring up my stuff please!
G: Alright, alright keep your wig on!
B: *Babs is upset* Why did you have to bring that up! Is it that noticeable? *Cries*
G: *Babs continues to cry* No, no, no! I was just joking. I had no idea you had a wig�I�m sorry! Another hug? *Babs stops crying and Greg opens arms*
B: NO! Your not worthy! *Greg is saddened* �Just kidding, come her you big lug! *Brings him over to her and then she gives him a big ole hug* Wasn�t that nice of me? I am a nice lady aren�t I?
G: It was and your very nice Babs! I�I love you Babs!
B: Just ring up my stuff Greg. We�re not going though this again�This uncomfortable-ness of you loving me�
G: *Is saddened that Babs has no love for him* Well okay. *Rings up the BPG and Bab�s candy* Okay that will be $10.34.
B: Okay. Here you go! *Hands him a $5.00 and takes her bags and starts to walk away* Now I must be off�Ta-Ta Greg!
G: *Grabs her arm* Babs, you need $5.34 more�pay fully or stop coming here! You�ve done this to me too many times. I can�t always pay for you�now please, PAY!
B: *Walks back to give him the amount needed* There! *Slams it down viciously* Are you happy now? You�you home wrecker! GOD! Every time I get a home and a family you got to wreck it. Is that you life goal? *Twitchy* IS IT!?
G: *Confused* Wha? I never entered your home Babs. That was my foe�*Angered* JOE! He looks like me�but not�in that he has no features that are the same as me. See how easily you could get confused?
B: *Realizing* Oh yes I see, and I am sorry for the accusations. We sure are fighting today. It makes me sad, cause Greg you�re my bestest store pal in the WORLD!
G: You�ve got to be the best customer in the world Babs. THE BEST!
B: *Hand thing* Oh Greg, I must be off George gets lost when I am gone for over an hour or so and it�s been a bit�so ta-ta Greg. See you tomorrow or even later today. Cause I might have forgotten things! *Starts to walk away but turns* Wait you lied to me!
G: Me? Lie to you!? NEVER!
B: Uh huh! You said the BPG�s were next to the cheeses, there was no cheeses near the BPG�s.
G: I hoped it would never come down to this�but Babs they moved it. I�m so sorry�
B: *Gasps* NO! *Drawn out then fades* Oh well okay then. HUG ME!
G: OKAY! *They Hug*
B: *Smiles and leaves to the streets* Wow it�s bright out here! I am going to need some shades! *Walks over to a shades place*
SM: Hello Babs�
B: *Crazily* Who are you!? How do you know me? I KNOW KUNG FOO! I�ll beat you and then I�ll be yo MOMMA!
SM: Babs! Babs! Calm down you come here everyday to buy shades�I know you! Now and if I didn�t well then I�d be worried, cause you usually come her and say �Hi! I�m Babs I want to buy me some cool looking shades and all that� remember Babs? REMEMBER?
B: Oh yeah you�re the shades man!
SM: I keep telling you my name is Frank! Frank the shades dude! But you can�t seem to accept it�what is your problem Babs? HUH? OUT WITH IT!
B: *Ignoring the last comment made by Frank* Would you look at these�they are so beautiful! I will buy them�
SM: You do everyday�you have a bad memory when it comes to the shades Babs�A horrible, horrible memory about the shades.
B: Don�t I know it, now ring them up shades man!
SM: *Sighs* It�s FRANK! *Babs ignores the name comment* Okay that will be $15.36. *Babs hands him a $20.00*
B: *Puts on her shades and walks off* Thanks shades man!
SM: *Frustrated* It�s FRANK you fool!
B: *Chuckles* Oh your confused shades man�you�re a confused soul! *Walks away into the dust*
SM: Hey she forgot her change�*Laughs* Now it�s mine!
B: *Comes back* Hey can I have my change, I forgot it�
SM: *Sighs* Here you go. *Gives her, her change*
*Walks away and isn�t looking and bumps into some guy*
SG: Hey watch it bucko!
B: Hey don�t mess with me, I have shoes! And they are pointy, they will hurt when I hit you with them!
SG: Well whoop-dee-doo lady! *Walks away. Shouts* I don�t care about your shoes!
B: *Shouts back* I KNOW KUNG FOO!
SG: I don�t care! Your STUPID!
B: *Gasps and turns to a tree*�He called me stupid Mr. tree�*Tears up* Well he best watch out next time, or I will beat his momma and then him! Just like I was gonna do to the shades man
SM: It�s FRANK!
B: *Chuckles* Your confused�*Walks more without looking and steps on a hobo�s hand*
HO: Hey watch it lady�just cause I am a hobo doesn�t mean you can step on me and make me feel like dirt! Hey dirt is tasty�I think I�ll eat some! *Eats some dirt*
B: Oh I am sorry I didn�t see you there�
HO: Well now you have! You big jerk lady!
B: *Gasps* I�m not a jerk, sir it was an accident�
HO: I care not for the likes of YOUR kind missy!
B: Can we forgive and forget mister? I would just love to be your friend!
HO: NU-UH!
B: Yu-huh!
*The bickering goes on for a bit*
HO: Fine! You want to be my friend, then lets be friends! *Is happy he found himself a friend*
B: When did I say I wanted to be your friend mister?
HO: Just a minute ago�Wha�why does every one do this to me!? *Gets down on his knees and reaches toward the sky shaking his fists angrily* WHY?
B: Just kidding! Course I want to be your friend�nothing else would give me more joy!
HO: Really you mean it?
B: Darn tootin I do! *The hobo is filled with much joy* Well I have to get home and give my husband his food then we can be friends for ever! I�ll come back and we can chat! Oh what fun it will be!
HO: Well lady that sounds swell!
B: Doesn�t it?
HO: It really does!
D: *Interrupting the story* Wow Babs a lot happened to you since we went back in time�what else could possibly happen to you that hasn�t already?
B: I�m getting to it!
D: Well sorry Babs I just like to know things is that so wrong? IS IT!?
B: Yes honey it is�cause you can never wait till I am done with the story�you must always interrupt. Like a foo!
D: *Gasps in terror* I aint no fool! You�re the real fool here Babs, YOU are!
B: No, cause I called you a foo not no fool�your wrong George�*Laughs uncontrollably*
D: *Hangs his head in shame* Just go on with your story Babs�you�ve embarrassed me enough for one night. *Walks over to the corner and sits down and cries the night away*
B: Anyway back to my flash back� *George creeps back to his seat*�with the kind hearted hobo�*Starts to get all flashy backy* I still had no idea who he was or why he was a hobo, but I was a Babs on a mission!
D: *All interrupty again* What�s with the 3rd person talking Babs? Huh out with it!
B: Will you stop with the interruptions! I am trying to tell a nice story about things that matter
D: Fine!
B: Yep now back to the story of me and that hobo�*Gets all flashy backy once more* I still had to figure out the name of this hobo�so I asked him�*Stops narrating and gets into the story* So before I go will you tell me your name Mr. Hobo man?
HO: Why yes, yes I will�*Silence between the two*
B: Well are you going to tell me what it is?
HO: I wasn�t planning on it�but if you insist.
B: OH and I insist! Plus you said you would, so now you gotta!
HO: I guess I could tell you what it is. My name is Ralf!
B: Well Ralf why was it so hard for you to tell me your name? Do you have a deep dark secret that you wish to not tell me of?
HO: No I�ll tell you the secret if you want to know�
B: You know I do�I am a nosey person!
HO: I�ve found this out�anyhow my deep dark secret is that, well I�m gay.
B: Okay� Hey you know what?
HO: What?
B: Hitler was gay, and he died! So in the end it all works out for the best�
HO: You know that doesn�t really put me in a real nice mood�Well he shot himself, and he was the ruler of Germany! Yeah that did help! A gay man can rise to conquer what ever he wants and then commit suicide! *Starts to laugh evilly. Babs taps him on the shoulder* Hm what?
B: That�s not exactly what I meant by that statement I made�
HO: Well what did you mean than Babs? Cause I would looove to know!
B: You know I�m not sure myself�sometimes I kinda just say things. Like that time when I said �Hitler was gay, and he died!� remember that one?
HO: Yes, it happened just a minute ago�you should take that stuff back to your house before we get into a rumble!
B: Good idea, I�ll be back soon, and who knows I might bring you some foods. You�d like that wouldn�t you?
HO: You know I would! Okay then bye for now Babs�
B: Bye Ralf�bye! *Walks away from the hobo and the hobo sits a-top his mystical box. To herself* I wonder what that box was doing there�and why did it say mystical transporting box on it�? That hobo sure was mysterious! *Walks the rest of the way to her home. Looking at her feet* Wow, I love these shoes�they are quite nice. *Looks up* Where�s the house�*Is shocked. Drops her bags of groceries* NO! Oh god no! My house�*Faints. Hours later. Gets up.* Well that sure was a bad dream I just had�my house was gone�*Dusts herself off and sees her house is gone* NO! My house�My Dubya�My favorite lamp�it had those cute little sparkles and everything! All of it gone! I guess I could marry that hobo! Yeah I will I�ll marry the HOBO!
D: *Interrupting again. Is shocked* You married a hobo�just cause I was going to be gone forever�that�s not right Babs! Not right at all!
B: Honey, just listen to the rest of the story�it all comes together in the end!
D: No, your lying! Like a big fat dog!
B: I�m not fat! *Buries her head in Mussolini�s shoulder and cries. Muffled* Am I?
M: *Pats her head* No course not. Great Dubya! Just great, you made the poor dear cry�Babs. *Lifts her head and dries her tears* Babs I don�t think that *All evilly said* Dubya *Normally* knew what he was saying�he�s a little slow you know that. Lets listen to him�maybe he can explain all this. Okay?
B: *Sniffles* Okay, I think we can listen to him�for a bit�*Smiles at Dubya and hopes for a good answer*
D: When I said your lying like a big fat *Babs gasps* I mean lying like a dog, I meant like lying down to take a nap�it was a clever pun that no one got. *Is sad* I�m sorry I hurt you Babs. Forgive me?
B: *Smiles at Dubya* Well okay! I can�t stay mad at you, you�re the sun in my sky!
D: And you�re the sand in my box! *Babs is confused*
B: Moving on�*Flashy backy* Now I said I was going to marry this Hobo, but I wasn�t really going to! *We hear Dubya going �OH�*
*Babs come running into the town area before she finds the Hobo she searches for Dubya*
B: *Goes up to the shades man* SHADES MAN! Have you seen Dubya�he�s about yey high and has gray hair�and well here�s a picture, you can keep that for yourself. *Winks* Have you seen him?
SM: I�ve put up with you for long enough Babs�and I don�t know how many times I have to tell you�THE NAME IS FRANK! Is it that hard to remember?
B:�Shades man you seem confused, but if you want I�ll call you Frank this once.
SM: FINALLY! I have beaten the monster name forgetter, who is Barbara Bush�Babs for short!
B: Yeah, yeah sure Shades Man�but have you seen Dubya or my house? He�s probably in the house�the house is two stories, white, and it has a door. Seen it?
SM: *Screams of anger* No, I haven�t�now leave the sunglasses booth! Before I accidentally kill you. *Twitch*
B: You haven�t what? Seen my house or Dubya? Come on shades man I need help here!
SM: *Talking through his teeth angrily* I haven�t seen your house or your Dubya�NOW GO AWAY FROM ME!
B: Okay I will ask other people�bye shades man, see you some other time! And by the way you seem to have a lot of rage�you should get some counseling! Bye shades man! *Babs stays for a moment and looks at some sunglasses*
*Shades man screams with rage. He goes and punches Some guy*
SG: HEY! That hurt, why are you so violent Frank?
SM: It�s that un god full Bab�s! She can never remember my name and I am always reminding her. I just want to beat her with a broom. You know?
SG: Oh I know, she bumped into me once�
*Babs starts to walk away and bumps into some guy*
SG: Hey watch it Babs!
B: Have you seen my husband�Mr. freaky looking man?
SG: No, have you seen my dog?
B: Yes, he�s over there. *Points to a dog*
SG: *Gasp of glee* My doggy! *Runs over and hugs him. Happily* Thanks Babs, thanks a lot! *Walks away playing with his dog*
B: Oh it�s just my job. To help people in need! *Walks into the store and runs to Greg* Oh Greg have you seen Dubya or my house? You know what they look like, but I will describe them to you any way, Dubya is old looking, gray hairs, and talks weird. My house is about two stories high, and it has a door. Seen either?
G: No, I�m sorry Babs�here come sit down. You seem stressed out�lets talk about this.
B: But I have to find my Dubya! He�s out in the world alone and scared�you know how he is with his alone and scared ness. He�s not tough either�he�s weak like you.
G: Yes, I know Babs�just take a breather. Deep breath in *Babs breathes in* and out. *Babs breathes out* And breathe in *Breathes in* and out. *Breathes out. Repeats a few times* See don�t you feel better?
B: No�not really. *Greg is saddened he was no help to Babs* Well I must be off I need to marry a hobo�he�s going to be my new Dubya�a nicer newer Dubya. You see Dubya�s like an old penny and it was all bad, but this hobo he�s a new penny all shinny, but still a little dirty cause well he�s a hobo. But new and shinny none the less!
D: *More Interruptions by gasps* BABS! That was cruel to say.
B: I had to make it sound convincing to the people, cause when you see why I marry this hobo you�ll get it all! Cause it�s quite easy to understand, nothing complicated at all about it.
D: Your making me feel stupid again!
B: Well that�s not something hard to do Dubya�*Dubya is saddened* JUST KIDDING! I love you with the heat and passion of 1000 suns!
D: *Smiles at Babs* Oh you always know how to make me feel special Babs�you have a gift. But then again you know how to make me feel all bad too�your gift is your curse in a sense�yeah that�s it. SPIDERMAN! *All stare blankly*
B: Yeah honey yeah. Back to my story. *Gets flashy backy more*
*Babs is walking around looking for the hobo man who is Ralf*
B: Ralf! Ralf where are you?
HO: I�m over here Babs!
B: *Babs turns the opposite direction* I don�t see you!
HO: NO! Over here! *Babs turns and sees him*
B: Oh hello!
HO: Hi there, you know Babs you seem a little stressed. Something bothering you? Did Dubya enjoy his food?
B: *Falls into his arms. Crying* Oh Ralf, he�s gone�
HO: Who�s gone?
B: Dubya, the house, and everything in it too�it�s all gone! *Sobs uncontrollably*
HO: Babs�I don�t know what to do, for I am only a mere smelly hobo�nothing shall ever change that. But maybe we can work around this�in time.
B: *Nods* Well I have come to a decision�it wasn�t made easily, nor do I have any reasoning for it. I just though �Hey Dubya�s gone, now I can do something crazy, for I will never see him again� and this is what I want! It will end this way Ralf�it has to!
HO: Well Babs what is this�um plan? If you will call it that.
B: No I wouldn�t, more like a scheme, cause plans are more thought out. A scheme�well it just kinda happens, like an chick hatching from it�s little egg shell�it just happens when it does.
HO: Oh okay�let me correct the statement. Well Babs what is this�um little scheme of yours? If you would call it that.
B: NO! You changed it all around, you added more words�now re-say it correctly or don�t even bother!
HO: Well I wont bother to then!
B: *Turns to him viciously* Oh your going to say it! And you going to say it right! SAY IT NOW!
HO: *Frightened* Okay, okay�here it goes. Well Babs what is this�um scheme? If you will call it that.
B: Excellent! Well, *Is uncomfortable* I was just thinking�and well it only seems right that we�uh-
HO: Come on Babs, say it if you went through all the trouble for me to say the correction in there�cause it was a lot of work on my part!
B: It�s just hard and all�loosing Dubya, my house, that lamp with the sparkles�oh how I loved that lamp! God! I can�t go on�*Is in shock*
HO: *Snaps his fingers in Babs face* Babs! *Shakes her* Snap out of it�you�re the only person that I ever knew�well not really, but since I became a hobo. If it wasn�t for that fateful day you stepped on my hand we wouldn�t be here together.
B: *Comes back to reality* That was today though�
HO: Oh well yeah�you know let me have my moment.
B: Well okay. Let me go back into shock though�I lost my husband Dubya, my beautiful house, that magnificent lamp! SPARKLES! Oh my word I just can�t go on�*Is in more shock*
HO: Good, now I�ll wake her in time�But first and foremost my moment! *Has a moment of stuff* BABS! *Shakes her*
B: *Wakes* What?�Oh hello! How was your moment?
HO: It was very moving, and eventful! I saw a squirrel, it was all like chuck chuck�
B: Uh huh, I bet it was all like chuck chuck�
HO: Now what were you talking about before this whole shock time, and moments of things?
B: You know what�lets just sit here and not talk for a moment while I think. Can we do that?
HO: You bet we can!
*Moments of silence*
B: Well that was magical! Wasn�t it hobo man, er I mean Ralf! Yep, wasn�t it magical?
HO: Yes Babs, did you get your thinking in?
B: *Nods* Uh huh, now Ralf this may come as a shock to you�but I LOVE YOU!
HO: *Gasps* Oh my gosh Babs�I�I love you too!
B: Oh lets get married! *They hug*
*Cuts to Greg sweeping in front of the store looks up and sees Babs and Ralf*
G: If only I had been as charming as Ralf, GOD! If only�*Walks in side solemnly*
*Cuts back to Babs and Ralf the hobo man he leans in for the kiss*
B: Wait your gay�
HO: Hey we can look past the gay can�t we?
B: Maybe in time�it�s all about the time.
HO: I just want you to be with me, cause we are like friends�maybe you will un-gay me!
B: I can try!
HO: *Tries to kiss her again*
B: *Stops him* WHOA KILLER!
HO: HEY! I aint no killer, okay? GOD! One man �falls� onto my knife and they say I killed him�AH! *Takes out his knife and stabs some guy walking by*
SG: *Grabs his shin and falls over rolling in pain* OW! My shin, today just isn�t my day�*Cries*
B: It�s just a phrase Ralf�I was going to say �Whoa killer�lets wait till our honey moon�
*Before hearing the rest he stabs some guy in the other shin*
SG: OH JESUS! It hurts *Rolls in pain more* Medic! I need a medic�and the PO-lice! *Crawls away*
HO: Oh�there was more to that statement�*Yells to some guy* Hey sorry�accidents happen! *Laughs. To Babs* I�m sorry honey buns�I love you!
B: I know Ralf�I know. Do you have a last name?
HO: Probably�
B: We should figure it out! And are you foreign?
HO: Nope, I was born in the good ole US of A! *Snappy finger thing and winks*
B: Well that�s good! On a count that if you weren�t American it would be a big international deal of crazed hobo idiocy!
HO: Like my friends 2nd cousin�s brother?
B: *Excitedly* Exactly! Ralf your one smart cookie if I do say so myself!
HO: And you DID�When are we getting married?
B: SOON!�Hey why don�t you go over to that flower shop and steal some flowers for me? I�d love you ever so much!
HO: Well OKAY!
B: But be sneaky! Like a raccoon�
HO: Right! *Sneaks away and tries to act casual while stealing flowers*
B: DOING GOOD!
HO: *Startled. Waves his hands no and hushes her*
B: *Does the okay thing with her fingers*
HO: *Turns away and tries to steal flowers again*
B: *Turns away* Okay now what is this mystical transporting box here?
D: *Interrupting* OH! I get it now Babs, I thought you married a hobo!
B: Now George why in the world would I go and do a thing like that? You�re my sunshine! If I lost you I would become a widow and do voodoo acts to try and bring you back!
D: Aw it�s nice to know you care about me like that Babs! *Smiles at Babs*
B: *Smiles back* Isn�t it nice though?
D: Babs it really is�now I am sorry I interrupted�please go on with your story! *Scoots her along so she will go on with her story*
B: Aw Dubya that was kind of you considering I had to stop you and start my story and all that jazz�
D: Yes I know Babs I am trying to be a better kinder person!
B: It�s working out very nicely! Any how I was looking at his mystical transporting box and I was trying to figure out how it worked. *Gets all flashy backy* Maybe if I just crawl in it! *Starts to crawl in it*
D: WAIT! You lied to me�Babs how could you do such a thing�*Starts to tear*
B: Wha? I did nothing of the sort!
D: DID SO! Remember back when you told me that you gave the Hobo man beer for his box so you could sleep in it and you came back here�or something like that. REMEMBER?
B: No�
D: Don�t lie! I know you!
B: And I know you too honey doodle�lets move on�Any how I was looking at his mystical transporting-
D: *Interrupts* NO! Babs�why did you do it?
B: Ew you said do it!
D: Babs stop this foolishness�I need to know. Why in the world did you lie to me? Am I that repulsive?
B: No, your not that repulsive. It�s just that if I had told you that I �Married� a Hobo you would have been all evil and jealous. Like JELL-O!
D: Well I see�wait what? Jealous and Jell-O are nothing alike�Babs, you crazay!
B: *Chuckles*�Oh I know honey I know. Any how I was looking at his mystical transporting box and I was trying to figure out how it worked *Gets all flashy backy* maybe if I just crawl in it! *Starts to crawl in it*
HO: *Looks to Babs and gives her the thumbs up cause he got the flowers* NO! *Drops them in horror and runs over* BABS NO! We have to go together�it will only take one person! And it only works once!
B: *Looks up* OH NO! Crawls in�it�s not working well�uh. *Hit�s a little red button and is transported back in time with big flashy lights*
HO: NO! *Drops to his knees* BABS! Why didn�t she listen! *Turns and looks at some guy* I�ll get you for this! *Runs towards*
SG: *Hobbles away from the hobo man* That�s the man right there! *Points to him viciously while hobbling away*
HO: *Stops* What are you talking about you freaky man you! *Takes out his knife and stabs his foot*
SG: AH! Did you see that PO-lice man?
P: Oh sorry I was looking the other way�*Chuckles* There was a bag caught in the wind�it was magical and hypnotical�like someone from above trying to tell me that everything will be okay and the world is going to be just dandy-
SG: *Snaps his fingers in the PO-lice man�s face* HEY! Arrest this man he just stabbed my foot!
P: Sir did you just stab this mans foot?
HO: *Nervous* Uh my uh hand slipped!
P: *Pick him up* Your coming with me sir!
HO: *Kicking and screaming* NO! I wont go You can�t take me back there!�He was annoying me with his talking!
P: Is this true?
SG: No, he just has lots of rage.
P: Oh�*Tries to take him some more*
HO: No I wont go! *Resists*
P: SIR! Stop resisting! *Hit�s him with a club. The Hobo shouts �Ow� and falls to the ground unconscious* Your coming with me!
SG: *Laughs* Now we�ve got him, he is going to jail for all of his evil things he dun did to me�
P: You stop talking! *Clubs him* Yes, that�s better! *Drags them both off to the jail*
*Cuts to Babs in the time warp thing*
B: Hey�this is just like the first time warp I was in. So soothing and nice�look brownies! *Picks brownies up from inside the box* Boy did this Hobo know how to live! *Hours pass* I don�t remember my first time warp being this long�oh look a destination box�how about the year Dubya is in�nineteen forty something�*Types in a year*
*Gets dropped off in the year that Dubya is in*
B: WOW! I am a good guess-er! It�s like I am the almighty all knowing futuristical person of magical all knowing ness. Yes that sums up who I am!�Now where am I exactly and where is Dubya?
MB: *Marches up from the horizon and walks to Babs* Hello ma�am! I am-
B: *In awe* A MARCHING BAND! Oh my word, I�ve always wanted to know a man in a marching band�and well my good sir you have made a young woman happy!
MB: A young woman? I see no young woman here�do you?
B: *Sighs* A middle aged woman�
MB: Are you sure�a middle aged woman? Still a little far fetched.
B: FINE! An old old lady who is OLD! Are you happy now?
MB: Yes very�You�ve made a young man happy!
B: *Ignoring the comment* Cutting a woman down in her prime! Forcing her to admit her un youthful ways�what�s wrong with you kids! You�ve humiliated me�in front of this huge crowd of people! DARN YOU! Wait did you say a young man? I see no young man here�do you?
MB: Yes, I am right here.
B: How old are you sonny?
MB: 19...
B: Oh you are young�*Sighs* If I could only be young again�
MB: Yeah I am young and you are not!
B: *Is sad* Your mean!
MB: Right� Umm I live here!
B: Well that�s nice and un asked for�how could that help mister life wrecker!
MB: I didn�t wreck your life�it�s just like a minor crash where you have bruises and no major hurtings�
B: *Nods* It�s like that, but a lot more pain than you led me to believe�
MB: I am sorry�but hey I still live here!
B: I heard�*Has and idea* Could you help me search for the Dubya?
MB: The Dubya? I have heard of no such thing�
B: No he�s a person, probably causing all kinds of terror and badness�you know Dubya!
MB: No I don�t�and who�who are you?
B: I�*Acts and talks godly* I AM BABS! *Laughs uncontrollably*
MB: Um, how about no Babs�
B: But I am Babs, it�s not like *Starts to laugh in her talking* I am your god, or something�that�s be ridiculous!
MB: Babs�I don�t need this right now!
B: Why not, you were in a grand mood right before all the godly talking�come on tell me what�s wrong!
MB: Well it�s just that�you�ve upset me. Are you sorry?
B: Yeah whatever, lets be friends! FOREVER!
MB: Well now your talking! Come on marching band!
B: Can�can I lead us in a song?
M: Us? I don�t remember you being in this marching band!
B: But can I anyways?
MB: I don�t see any reason I shouldn�t let you�cause well we are friends it only seems fair! AM I RIGHT FELLAS? *Turns for their approval*
F: Yeah, sure�*Grunts and other nods of approval are made*
MB: Then it�s settled you shall lead us in a song of your choice!
B: CAN I? REALLY!?
MB: YOU KNOW IT! Well Babs here you go! *Hands her the director scepter*
B: *Holds it and looks at it in sheer awe* I feel it�s POWER! It�s so magical�*Hold it in the air and all the fellas stand at attention* GASP! It�s so grand�*Walks forward and they all did too* He he he! Oh wow this is grand�they are like my little robot men full of�robots!
F: *Roboty* We will follow your every command! You�re the leader of our poor helpless souls!
B: Mwah ha ha! I am now the grand ruler of something, I wanted to be president�but no George was all like ME FIRST, ME FIRST! Darn his soul�
*Marches forwards with the marching band following her she sings �It�s Babs� with her people but she then sees Dubya*
B: DUBYA! *Runs up to him it cuts out of the flashy backy ness and Babs talks to them*
D: WOW! That was some story honey�I had no idea how much you loved me!
B: I�m not done! SHUSH FOOL!
D: *Scared* Okay
B: Well then after that I hung out with you guys and, well crazy times happened with the Mitch and the pizza ordeal�oh boy what an ordeal that was! Huh guys?
All: Oh yeah�*All nod and stuff*
OBL: Babs�that was nice! I think your so grand, I am going to make you some coco and then some MAGICAL brownies for all! Come Saddam!
SH: OKAY! Brownies for ALL!
*Everyone cheers and Osama leaves with Saddam*
FC: Well Babs, you�re my hero�going through all that. Your all invited to a picnic in CUBA!
D: But we was already planning one�we were coming anyways. For Hitler!
FC: SHUSH YOU! Your invited to a new one�cause the old one has been cancelled for this newer and shinier one!
H: Could it still be for me!?
FC: Sure!
H: Yippee!
D: But I liked the OLD ONE! *Pouts and stomps off to his room and slams the door and opens* I HATE YOU FIDEL! You�re the worst person in the WORLD�god DIE! *Slams the door*
FC: �Why does he have to be this way Babs?
B: He just gets into these things every now and then. Right Hitler, Chuck, and Mussolini? *They all wake up*
M: Wha�? Oh yes�*Wipes the drool from his mouth*
B: *Sighs* Were you all just sleeping?
H: NO! I was just *Yawns* resting my eyelids�they need rest too Babs!
B: I bet they do�what�s your excuse Chuck?
HB: Oh well I was sleeping! *Get kicked by Hitler and Hitler gives him a stern look* OW! What was that for?
*All turn to Hitler*
H: EX-NE on the Sleep-EH!
HB: Why should I? HUH? It�s not like you own the world and can tell me what to do all the time! *Hitler pulls out a lolly pop* Oh a lolly! *Takes it and shuts up*
M: Sorry Babs�it�s just that Dubya put a drug in my drink�do you think I wanted to miss your story?
B: Why would you want to miss it? That�s crazy!
H: Your telling US!
B: I know I am�*Looks at Hitler all funky*
HB: I wanted to miss that story! *Gets kicked once more* OW! Stop kicking me! *Hitler gives him another lolly and he drops the other one he has* Oh a lolly! *Sucks on it*
H: Stop being so rude you jerk on a stick!
HB: Jerk on a stick?
H: You heard me� FALL!
HB: Fall? Do you want me to fall? Is that it!? *Runs out of the room crying. We hear him* Oh, Hi Penelope!
PC: Gobble!
M: Way to go Hitler! *Goes to comfort him*
FC: I am going to go have a smoke! Do you have a light?
B: Yes! It has sparkles! *Hold up her lamp*
FC: No a lighter!
B: Oh yeah in my coat pocket�
*Fidel leaves for his smokes and then Saddam and Osama come in with the brownies and some victory coco*
OBL: HERE YOU ARE BABS!
SH: I HELPED!
B: Oh well I am proud of you! *Smiles then drinks some coco and eats some brownies*
*At this moment everyone comes in from where they left to and all go and hugs Babs*
D: Fidel�I�m sorry okay? It�s just I don�t like crazy changes�
FC: I understand�and you know the old picnic is the same as the new one but more people will show up and say �I love Dubya!�
D: They will!?
FC: *Nods with a smile* You bet buddy! *They Hug*
HB: Hitler I am sorry for being all rude to Babs�
H: And I am sorry I told you to fall it was rude of me�
HB: HUG! *Both Hug*
*Ding-Dong just at that moment it starts to storm more*
D: Oh I�ll get it! *Opens the door and thunder cracks*
HO: Hello! I am here for my wife! *Dramatic Music*
B: *Runs in* Dear who is it? *Gasps and drops her brownies* GET AWAY RALF! I never loved you, I used you for the box! And for the record�we were never married.
HO: NO! It�s not true, you loved me�I got arrested for you�and I�ll do it again if I had to!
B: Arrested? I am calling the coppers on you! You don�t deserve to live!
HO: NO! I do, and if you call those cops I�ll�I�ll eat your plants!
B: Now I am deffinatly going to call them coppers! *Runs in and picks up the phone and dials the cops* You know that HOBO! He escaped!
PV: Um no he got released� For good behavior!
B: He was only in there for a couple hours�
PV: We were getting sick of him actually�but he was good. Only stabbed a few people!
B: Well now he�s stabbing my pet!
PV: What kinda pet?
B: My DOG!
PV: *Gasps* I love dogs! We�ll be right over!
*They hang up*
HO: So who did you call?
B: My aunt Franky�who did you call?
HO: I didn�t use your phone�
B: Shut your mouth! You smelly homeless man!
HO: FINE! This is our first fight you know�It�s sort of invigorating�and saddening. Babs why do we have to fight?
B: We�re not married�JERK! I don�t love you! You smell and I USED you for YOUR BOX�get it through your brain!
*Ding-Dong*
P: *Barges in* THERE HE IS! *They drag Ralf to the door*
HO: I�ll get you Babs�! I�ll get you! *Drags it on even though he�s not being dragged away*
*Ignoring him*
B: Well they came fast.
H: They sure did Babs�they sure did!
HO: OH! Your going to get it! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not in a year from now, maybe not in- *Gets hit with a police stick*
P: Shut your mouth! *Drags him off more*
*Babs and everyone else start laughing and the scene ends*
And Scene