Scene: Vegas Hotel Room, Hitler�s House, Limo, Vegas, Hotel Lobby, Vegas Hotel Room, Plane, Castro�s Palace
Characters: **In Order of Appearance** Hitler (H), Stalin (S), Babs (B), Osama Bin Laden (OBL), Dubya (D), Saddam Hussein (SH), Limo Driver (LD), Chuck (HB), Fidel Castro (FC), John Taylor (JT), Starbucks Lady (SL), Some Guy (GY), Hotel Clerk (HC), Captain Pilot (CP), Plane Lady, Simon Lebon (SL), Rodger Taylor (RT), and Andy Taylor (AT)
*Hitler slows wakes, with the sun in his eyes he blinks and throws his arm up to block the oncoming rays of treacherously bright brightness. He then takes himself out of the hot tub, and removes the coconut bra. Which then makes him wonder; �What could have happened last night?�*
H: *He starts to step and stumbles. Knocking over a 10 story pyramid made entirely of toasters* Damn it! Why the hell did we build that?
S: *Walks out from the bathroom naked. Scratches himself* Hitler, what was all the ruckus?
H: Well I walked into the toaster pyramid, and- Wait, why are you naked?
S: I always party in the nude! Gosh, don�t you know me but at all?
H: Well, I guess that does explain all those images of you dancing naked in the clubs, and well�just being naked a lot. But that does not explain this�*Points to the large pile of toasters on the floor with much anger* this toaster thing!
S: I think I can explain a lot of that.
H: Can you also explain why the hell we are�in this place!?
S: You mean Vegas?
H: Is that where we are?
S: Yeah.
H: Then yes.
S: Well you see it all started when *Starts to get all flashy backy with Stalin narrating* Well, you see last night we all started to drink coffee, and well once you get Babs on that stuff. Well she just doesn�t stop! *Drifts off into the flashback state*
B: *Shaking with coffee in her hand* Coffee! *Twitch. All shaky like* Whoo, wants some more coffee? *Twitch*
H: Ha Ha, HA HA! I do! *Babs gives him a round of coffee. Hitler drinks it immediately*
OBL: *Rocking back and forth, holding his legs* You know what we should do, guys? You know? What we could do? We could, we could like do something. Does like, anyone know what it is!?
D: *Energetic and fast like* My god, I am SO excited about hearing the answer to this!
OBL: We, could like. Go to VEGAS!
*Everyone screams out in utter joy*
H: *Hitler runs into the kitchen and shakily picks up the phone and calls for a limo. Then runs back to the gang and shouts out* A limo�s on the way! *Burst out laughing and runs to the gang and falls to the floor*
SH: *Laughs hysterically. Rolling around on the couch, then falls off. Shouting out words every now in then between hard laughs* Limo! *Laughs* On the way! *Laughs even harder* Mangos! *Laughs with extreme force*
*We hear wheels screech to a stop and a horn honking*
H: *Pops up all serious like* That must be the limo. *Starts to cautiously walk towards the window. Opens the curtains, and screams out* It is the limo!
*Everyone screams and runs out the door*
LD: *As everyone piles into the limo* Where to kids?
SH: *Screams this out in pure seriousness* Vegas, baby!
B: *Fumbling around with the different compartments* Where�s your coffee maker, sir, mister. Mister sir! *Laughs hysterically* No, but seriously.
HB: *Shouts out* Found it! It was under the car.
M: *Looks at Chuck and starts to laugh* Under the car!?
HB: *Sits there. But realizes and laughs* Oh, ha ha ha! The car! *Laughs more*
B: Well Chuck, may I have the coffee maker? I�m losing my high!
HB: Oh sure! *Hands her the coffee maker*
B: *Babs laughs all evil like and starts to make coffee* Yes, brew my coffee, brew. For one day you will be consumed for the mass multimedia I will bestow upon the world! *Laughs manically*
FC: Babs�just make the coffee.
B: Oh, right. *Looks at the pot of coffee* Your day will come. *Cackles to herself*
*Babs passes out coffee. Hours later the limo pulls up to a Vegas hotel and all exit as the limo pulls away. The flashy lights then extend their high into something more than they had ever wished for. All are turning around, wide eyed, and big smiled. Twitch and turning as the lights turn then into crazed�high�people*
M: *Talks rapidly and twitches* Where do you guys want to go first!?
B: *Thinks* Um, uh, uh�Casino!
H: *Screams out in a coffee high* Yeah!
*Everyone runs into the nearest casino. It shows the gang running around rapidly. Playing games and pushing people over. You know, fun stuff. They all run out of the casino and onto the street*
HB: *Shouts out* God I could go for some cocaine!
*A large cloud of smoke explodes down the street. People start to scream and run in a chaotic fashion. John Taylor comes up behind Chuck and taps him*
HB: *Turns viciously* Not my pants!
JT: *Looks at Chuck all confused like* What?
HB: Your after my sweet, sweet pants! And their mystical powers of producing liquid gold, and the spread of all love throughout the universe. They�re mine!
JT: Mhm, yeah. Well�I was just wondering if anyone here had some cocaine.
FC: Chuck wanted some�but then I guess he just went insane on his own and all, so, yeah�
JT: Yes, so I see. So, *Coughs* does anyone here actually have cocaine?
HB: *Shivering* I�I do!
JT: What the hell is wrong with you?
HB: I found some pills on the bathroom floor in the casino�and well, I took them. *Yells out* GAHH! It�s so hot out here! *Tares off some clothing*
H: Oh, Chuck, your so hunky!
S: *Comes running out of nowhere* Did some one say party!?
B: No�
D: *Shouts out* I did!
S: *Points at Dubya* I knew it!
D: Score!
S: You know it!
JT: God damn it! Does anyone here have some cocaine!?
B: Yes! I do, jeeze! *Hands him some cocaine*
JT: Oh boy! It�s about time Johnny got his snort on! *Snorts the cocaine* Ohhhhh! *Starts to kick his leg in enjoyment and scream out* Yip! Yip!
S: Party! *Tares off his clothes*
H: *All excited like* Ohh, hunky men for Hitler! *Does a little dance*
B: Alright guys. Lets go to that Starbucks and get some coffee!
*All cheer �Yeah� and run into Starbucks in a group*
FC: *Puts his hand in his coat, making it look like a gun and scream out* This is a hold up! We need coffee, free of charge!
SL: Okay, okay! Just don�t poke me!
FC: *Chuckles* What? This, this is a gun you, *His eyes move rapidly from side to side* you silly lady.
SL: Well, I would have believed that if you had kept you hand in your coat�but you kind took your hand out and you know moved it around. Like you were actually had a gun and all.
B: *Slaps him* You moron!
D: Hey! He can�t help that, I�m sure I�d have done the same thing.
SH: But you�re a moron�
OBL: Yeah�you can�t really argue with those facts.
D: *Nods* True� *Looks at Fidel* This is a rare slip up on your part.
FC: Yeah�oh well. *Shouts* Give us coffee!
SL: Okay, Okay! Just don�t poke me!
FC: Well if I don�t get coffee�Oh-ho-ho! There will be some strait up poking going down!
SL: *Screams in horror* Nooooo!
B: While you at it throw some money in there too.
S: Yeah, we�ve got some partying to do�
JT: Heh heh, heh heh! Yeah we do. *Twitch*
*The Starbucks lady hands over bazoodles of coffee and everyone runs out drinking and having a hoot of a time*
H: *Slurred* Guys, can you believe that just�like 3 hours ago we were at my house?
HB: Psh, no!
H: I know, it�s just like this life we�re living, is like�*Moves his hand in front of his face* out of our hands�
SH: *Looks at Hitler* What the hell is in that coffee?
JT: Oh, funny story! *Starts to laugh*
SH: And, what is this funny story?
JT: I put some drugs in his coffee! Chucks too! *Laughs*
*Everyone except Saddam and Fidel start to laugh. For Saddam and Fidel are somewhat concerned. What with everyone else on a coffee high*
SH: Well�are we going to do something Fidel?
FC: *Shrugs* Eh, you only live once.
SH: Gee, thanks for the update.
FC: No! I meant, just let him be.
SH: Oh, well I guess I could. Maybe I could have some of that crazy drug coffee!
H: *Gulps it down. Teetery* Oops. No more. *Tips the cup over and shakes it*
B: Just drink some coffee! It�ll make you all energetic, and kind of drunk. Like I am right now! *Points at him, but loses her balances and falls over* Whoa!
D: *Looks around* Babs, deary! Where�d you go?!
B: *Laughs* I�m down here hunny, I had quite the spill there.
OBL: *Waves his hand in front of his face* Dude, my hands are so�separated, by like�time and space. But once I bring them together the world will slowly, but surely collapse. *Claps. Laughs manically* Your all doomed! Ah ha ha! Doomed! *Runs under a mail box thing and hides. Laughs* Doomed, every single one of you! I�ve got my dear old, blue friend here to help me through these rough times. But you! *Points to some guy* Your as good as dead!
GY: What�but�*Runs off crying*
FC: *Turns to Saddam* Yeah�lets go find a hotel, so you know we don�t like end up in some alley way with both of our kidneys gone, and smelling of like�some kind of sewage or something.
SH: Yeah! *They gather the group up and drag them off to a nice, ritzy hotel. Saddam approaches the hotel clerk* Hello we�d like a room.
HC: Well why the hell would you be here if you didn�t want one?
SH: What?
HC: One moment please. *Walks away*
SH: Oh we don�t have time for this! *Jumps over the counter and grabs some key and they all run off to some room. They enter the room*
B: Woo! Party! *Starts to dance*
FC: Okay�now that they�re all safe, why don�t we get drunk!
SH: Okay!
*Both get drunk and have some drunkenly times*
SH: *Starts to laugh* You know�*Laughs*�your mom�s, like my friend!
FC: *Laughs hysterically* That�s so true, so true.
*Saddam and Fidel later pass out and Stalin, Hitler, Chuck, Osama, John, and Babs start to get all egocentric and build a mini civilization out of things in the room*
H: Okay, okay! We can build a mini utopia, but! There are going to be no little Jewish people, okay? They�re a hazard to society!
OBL: Okay, okay! I�m going to go work on the toaster pyramid. But first, I�m going to call room service! For some toasters. *Picks up the phone* Hello? I�d like some toasters! Thank you. *Hangs up* Wait! *Laughs* I forgot to dial! *Everyone bursts into laughter. Osama re-calls* Yes, toasters please! Thank you. *Hangs up*
H: *Slurred* Alright, I�ll work on the picket signs and stuff�it�ll take some time but I�ve got the talent�!
S: I think�I�m just going to watch from afar�*Backs away*
B: Fine! Chuck and I will work on the towns, and the clubs, and the tequila factories. *Screams out* Tequila! And coffee! Oh, what a deadly mix. *Laughs*
HB: Yeah, just GO then, Stalin. We got this under control!
JT: Yeah! Yeah we do! See that hot tub over there?
S: Yeah?
JT: That�s the ocean! I did that, yeah, on my own!
S: Good for you�*Walks away*
JT: *Snorts some more cocaine as the others get caffenated* WHOO! What a rush!
*Hitler, Osama, Babs, John and Chuck work deep into the night. With Hitler passing out in the �Ocean�. Babs and Chuck falling sleep in club town. And John off somewhere in a bed full of cocaine. �See?� Comes out of the flashback*
H: Why, yes�I do see. But, now what are we going to do? I guess we could wake the others.
JT: *Enters. Covered in some kind of white powder* I�m up!
S: Oh, look at you. Go bathe in the hot tub-
JT: Hey! Ocean! Call it, the ocean!
S: Alright, go bathe in the ocean.
JT: Okay then! *Walks over to the hot tub, �ocean�, and cleans off the powder. Startles giggling and splashing*
H: What�s all that white stuff?
JT: Cocaine.
H: Oh, nice.
JT: Yeah.
*Babs and Chuck awake. Lifting their heads with tinny little people and buildings stuck to their faces*
B: *Smacks her lips* What did we do last night?
S: Well, let me tell you!
H: NO! Let me just sum it up. Okay?
S: D�oh, alright! *Pouts*
H: We got drunk on coffee�again. Then came to Vegas, and got all high on the drugs, and now we�re here.
HB: It�s all coming together�
H: Damn strait it is!
FC: *Pops up and yells* What!? Stop poking the llama!
H: Fidel?
FC: Hm? What? *Opens his eyes*
H: Are you okay?
FC: Psh, yeah! Just having that llama nightmare again.
H: Oh, where the evil farmer threatens to poke the llama?
FC: Yeah�Whoa! I just had a crazed idea of pure awesomeness!
H: Whatever was it!?
FC: Well, while we�re here in Vegas, why don�t we just go to Cuba and get your groove back!
H: That�s brilliant!
FC: You know what�s even more brilliant!?
H: I don�t think anything else could be more brilliant, but what?
FC: We can disguise it as a party of sorts, and anger that Napoleon feller! He hates parties! So it�s perfect!
H: God, that was brilliant! Even more so than MY plan!
JT: Hey! I could get myself and my fellow Duran Duran crew to come play at this little shin-dig!
H: Yeah!
B: Your part of Duran Duran!?
JT: Yeah� What other John Taylor do you know?
B: The baker�
JT: Oh, well I�m not him.
B: Ohh. *Realizes* OH! *In disgust* Oh�
H: Well I think I�ll go call some people and force them to come!
FC: Sounds swell!
H: Yeah it does!
HB: I agree!
JT: Well, I best be off�I�ll get my crew together and we�ll meet you in Cuba.
FC: At my Cuban palace!
JT: Okay! *Flies away*
FC: Now, how are we going to get to Cuba? I mean it�s not like we can just strap on some jet packs and fly on down there, lets be logical!
B: Right!
HB: Hm� Fly you say? *Ponders*
S: Maybe we could take a road trip?
OBL: *All inspired like* Ohh�
SH: Now you see I think that�s a neat idea!
HB: I�ve got it! We could take a plane!
H: *Gasps* You can�t be serious!?
HB: Why not?
H: I�well I don�t know!
M: Maybe a private jet? We could get coffee!
FC: I�m in!
*Everyone else chimes in and they all run off to some private jet place*
H: *Looking around in awe* My, my. How the world has aged since my day.
FC: Hitler, that�s a poster of the future�
H: Oh. *Chuckles* Oh, I�m a hoot!
FC: *Nods* That you are, that you are.
D: *Walks up to the Captain Man and hands him something in a paper bag* I think this should cover it.
CP: *Opens the bag and looks in* This is a ham sandwich and some trick gum.
D: Oh, *Chuckles* My lunch! *Gets another bag out* This! This is your bag. *Hands it to him*
CP: *Opens the bag* Yes, 24 kilos of pure un-tampered cocaine, just what I asked for.
JT: *Screaming from afar. Gets closer and closer till we hear a thud. John runs up* Did some one- *Breathes in deep* say cocaine?
CP: I did!
JT: Good. Can, I have some?
CP: Maybe later.
JT: Oh fine! *Walks away all grumpy like*
CP: All aboard!
*Everyone piles into the private jet and it takes off. Meanwhile, inside the jet trouble is a brewing*
CP: *Kshk* Hello this is your Captain speaking, we�re about 30,000 feet and climbing. We should reach Cuba in about 30 minutes or so. When I end this transition peanuts will be served. *Kshk*
PL: May I get you some drinks? Or some peanuts?
S: Sure! I�ll have some coffee.
*Everyone else starts to scream out for coffee. With the exception of Fidel who would like strait up scotch, and a lemon wedge*
PL: Alright, alright. That�s *Counts the people* 7 coffee�s and one scotch.
FC: And that lemon wedge! Damn it, if you forget that lemon wedge I swear I�ll kill some guy!
PL: Alright! You�ll get your lemon wedge.
*Moments later she comes out with a tray of coffee�s and a scotch*
PL: Here you all are.
*They all pile in for their coffee like a pack of wolves*
FC: Where�s my lemon wedge?
PL: In my pocket.
FC: May I have it?
PL: *Sighs* I guess�*Reaches in her pocket* Ah, here it is. *Hands it to Fidel. Fidel eats it*
*All start to party, but are suddenly stopped by one very unstoppable event*
CP: *Kshk* Hello, this your Captain speaking, we�re about to land in Cuba. �Land of lost souls� as the kids call it. *Chuckles* So please put down your drinks, be seated, and buckle up. *Kshk*
OBL: Oh�I never got my coffee on�
SH: *Pats Osama lovingly on the back* There, there.
*The private jet lands and everyone starts to get off the plane*
D: *Walks up to the Captain* Thanks, this really means a lot to me.
CP: Thanks for that�*Looks around nervously* Well, that thing you gave me. If I said it, I fear that insane man might show up.
D: Oh. *Chuckles* He does that!
CP: Oh yeah he does!
D: Well, I�ll see ya� around ole buddy.
CP: You sure will. *Waves and walks away into the sunset*
FC: Alright guys, lets get ourselves a limo, and get to my palace!
H: Deal! *They shake hands*
*A limo pulls up to them and they all hop in*
FC: To my palace, and step on it! *The driver steps on it*
B: *Sees a coffee maker* Coffee!?
FC: Babs stop! We need to be sober to get back Hitler�s groove.
H: Yeah! You wouldn�t want some drunken people to try and get back my groove, would you?
D: Well I would. But I guess that�s just me.
H: Yeah it is! You jerk.
OBL: Fellas, fellas! Lets stop this crazy arguing. I�ve got some brownies!
HB: Brownies!?
OBL: Yeah!
*All are excited by the announcement of brownies*
OBL: Well I should just pass them out then!
S: Yeah!
*Everyone eats brownies. The car stops, and it seems that they have arrived at Fidel�s Cuban Palace. Duran Duran is awaiting them on the lawn. Everyone exit�s the limo and it pulls away*
JT: Hey gang! Look! It�s Duran Duran!
*The Duran Duran members wave in an uncomfortable fashion. Hitler and the gang approach them, and there is some kind of awkward silence going on*
H: Well, I�m Hitler.
SL: I�m Simon.
H: *Nods* Good to know.
SL: Yep. *Teeters on his heels and toes*
JT: Okay well *Starts to name off the others and they wave and greet everyone as John points to them/says their name* This is Andy Taylor, he�s kind of a drunk and all. But you know�whatever. This is Nick Rhodes, he�s all feminine like...what with all the make up and clothing. This is Rodger Taylor, he�s�well just kind of here.
RT: It�s true!
S: Hey, why do three of you have the same last name?
AT: Well you see. When a mommy duck and a daddy duck love each other very much. They move in together, and well if they get a little hot for each other every now and then they make baby ducks. See?
S: No, what the hell are you talking about?
AT: The changing seasons�
JT: Ignore him, he�s drunk.
S: Okay! But that doesn�t answer my question.
JT: It�s just a coincidence.
S: Really?
JT: Yes!
SH: Interesting.
HB: *Taking a puff of his pipe* Quite�
H: Okay, well let me take the proper steps and introduce my gang of�gangy�rascals?
SL: That sounds about right. Almost as right as John. *Turns to John and stares*
JT: *Looks at Simon* First of all, Simon, that was a very pathetic attempt. And second, shut up!
SL: You know what you are John? Do you!?
JT: *Sighs* No, what?
SL: A hurter John, a hurter! Just as I am about to get you to fall in love me you go and do one of your crazy fake outs. That�s filled to the brim with craziness and fakeyness. Well John, I�m sick of it! Sick of it all, I wont wait for you any more. We�re through!
JT: There�s all kinds of things wrong with what you just said Simon�but, I�ll just go.
SL: John you can�t! *Grabs his legs*
JT: *Sighs* Get off Simon. *Kicks him off. Simon gets up and stands there silently*
H: *Coughs* Hm, as I was saying. *Sates everyones name and points to them. They make some kind of greeting* This is Babs, Dubya, Osama, Saddam, Stalin, Mussolini, Fidel, and I�m Hitler!
FC: Yes, now that we are all introduced, why don�t we all go inside and get this crazy party set up! Eh?
AT: EH!
*Everyone runs inside and loud music is heard. Along with Babs screaming out �Coffee!� and Stalin screaming out �Party!� and we see a silhouette of him tareing off his clothes. Thus marking the official set up of the party. Mean while, inside�Hitler and Chuck are making up lacey little party favors. Duran Duran is doing a sound check out back. Babs and Stalin are running around getting drunk on coffee. Dubya, Osama, and Saddam are decorating and Fidel is making the party food. The scene ends with everyone working on their job, and having a hoot of a time*
And Scene