Scene: Mussolini�s, Frolicking Field, A White House
Characters: **In Order of Appearance** Hitler (H), Chuck (HB), Mussolini (M), Italian Chef (IC), Little Jimmy (LJ), Stalin (S), King Mitch (KM), Some Guy (SG), Dubya (D), Osama Bin Laden (OBL) Saddam Hussein (SH), Babs (B), and Fidel Castro (FC)
*Hitler thrashes around under the covers and it warps to a dreamy like state*
H: *Picks his head up from his pillow and rubs his head in pain* Ow�what did I do last night? *Alarm goes off. He cringes and slams his hand on it. Turning it off* Ow I knew having that �Lets see who can put their head through a wall� contest was a bad idea. I always get so crazy after I am victorious in doing things�*Sighs* At least everyone that is evil is� *Gasps* In a cage without a lock on it! *Runs to get Chuck. Shakes him vigorously* CHUCK, CHUCK! Wake up�you got to wake up and tell me something! *Chuck lays motionless. Hitler screams he realizes Chuck is laying in a pool of blood. He picks up Chuck and lays him in his arms*�Oh god no! How did I miss that�*Ponders but then screams in shock of the dead chuck and runs out of Mussolini�s and goes out onto the walk and trips. He starts to cry* Chuck�my only friend. I�I can�t handle life anymore. *Huddles into a ball and cries. Rocking himself*
M: *Runs out to help comfort. Lifts him up* Hitler�what ever is wrong? I woke when you screamed and then I went back to sleep cause you could have just stubbed your toe again, and I wasn�t going to come all the way down stairs for that. But then I woke again when I heard the door slam cause we could have been getting robbed, that�s something to check on *Hitler sobbingly nods* �and I came to see what it was and I saw you out here, crying. So what�s wrong?
H: *Turns to Mussolini. Buries himself into Mussolini�s shoulder. In-between sobs* Oh Mussolini, Chuck! He�s dead! *Mussolini gasps. Hitler cries more. Mussolini puts his hand on Hitler�s head* I went in to see if he locked the cage last night and he was there dead�in my arms. Well after I picked him up and set him there� Who would do such a thing? To dear ole Chuck�loveable, loveable Chuck. Who!? *Long and drawn out in agony* Who?
M: I�ve never met anyone who hated Chuck�he�s so loveable!
H: *While crying* Who, who would do such a thing to such a kind soul?
M: Oh well the Italian Chef of course�his real name is Phil�the Italian chef! He�s got an evil soul�*Flashes back to the bar mitzvah with Mussolini narrating* While we were at the bar mitzvah I saw an old man fall over. It was fun he looked like a turtle� *Laughs at the sight of the turtle looking man* I laughed but then the Italian chef came out and picked him up and then cooked him�HE COOKED HIM! I mean sure he was acting like a turtle with his flailing arms and legs but he wasn�t and he got cooked and eaten�*Flash back ends*
H: *Gasps* I ate some of that turtle! *Vomits* I am going to get that PHIL! He will wish he was never born! He must DIE! *Is angered at the Phil* Oh how he will get it! Oh well now I must go cry in the dark with sad music on�all while planning this out, the killing. That�s what Oprah calls multitasking!
M: *Hand thing* Oh that Oprah! *Serious* I guess you could�for now. I�ll be up in a few minutes to bring you things and what not.
H: Like soup!?
M: Yes soup!
H: I can eat it and cry and think of something to do to that chef. *Fists raised to the sky and shakes them* CURSE YOU PHIL! CURSE YOU!
*Mussolini walks inside to make the soup. At this very moment Phil is walking by with a big knife in his hand whistling and sort of swaying to his jolly tune*
H: *Turns to see who is whistling* YOU! *Runs up to him and puts out his hand to punch him the Italian chef moves and grabs Hitler and throws him to the ground* Ow�why do you want to kill everyone I love. First Chuck, now me! *Cries and grabs on to Phil�s leg* Oh I don�t want to die�there�s so much I haven�t done, like gone tap dancing�and eaten lobster without a bib on�also I never got to kill Stalin�SPARE ME!
*Stalin and Little Jimmy enter around back*
IC: *Shakes his leg* Get off me�I don�t want to kill you. I want to kill turtles, and all their turtle friends! Oh and that Chuck. Who I already killed.
H: *Gasps and puts his hand up to him mouth in shock* YOU�RE A MONSTER! *Happily* Turtles are cute and fuzzy! Why would you do such a thing to such a beautiful and majestic creature?
IC: No, no your thinking of beavers�a turtle is the animal with the shell and when they get scared they hide in it.
H: Oh, the cowards!�I saw you kill an old man that looked like a turtle! Well I didn�t� but some one I know saw you!
IC: Like I did to you friend Chuck! *Laughs evilly. Stops because he realizes Hitler�s last comment* Wait that turtle was a�a man? Oh what have I done? *Cries and then stops and doesn�t care any more* Well Chuck is dead�*Points in Hitler face and mockingly* Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!
H: I knew it was you who killed Chuck! Once Mussolini told me it was you, I had an inkling that it was you�but I wasn�t too sure�I am skeptical like that, you know?
IC: *Laughs all nonchalantly* Yeah I know what you mean. When Little Jimmy said I was a fool I had to wait till I acted like a fool to realize it.
*Hitler fills with rage and punches the Italian Chef and runs into Mussolini�s and locks the doors and peeks through the blinds to see if he�s still there*
IC: *Holds his eye* Ow *Shakes Fist* I�m going to get you! And your little dog too!
H: *Opens the window and shouts* I don�t got no dog! You fool, I had a friend but you already killed him!
IC: Well why don�t you cry about it!
H: *Gasps* YOU KNOW I DON�T CRY! Hey by any chance would you ever kill any of my other friends?
IC: I would and I might!
H: But I thought we were friends!
IC: You thought wrong! *The Italian Chef laughs evilly as he walks away*
*Hitler starts to go up the stairs and Little Jimmy and Stalin come down the stairs*
LJ: Oh hey Hitler!
H: Hey guys�wait I hate you two!
S: Uh, no! *Both run out*
H: That was weird, oh no MUSSOLINI! *Shouts in search and panic* Mussolini? Mussolini where are you? I got to warn you about Phil he�s thinking about killing you�and Little Jimmy and Stalin were here they could of done stuff and- *Runs into Mussolini�s room and sees Mussolini hanging from a rope tied to a pipe. Lets out a shrill cry and then pops up out of bed* AHH! Oh god�it was�it was only a dream. *Wipes the sweat off his forehead* MUSSOLINI AND CHUCK COME TO ME! *Mussolini and Chuck run in* I had the most horrid dream. And *Points to Chuck* you died�and so did *Points to Mussolini* you! It was horrible I�d never want you two to die�your my best friends.
HB: Who in the world is Phil? *Anxiously* OH, OH! Is it Phil the cat!? Oh boy is Phil the cat ever grand�he�s all lazy and beautiful. He�s like�the cat equivalent of Britney Spears!
H: Now who in the world is Britney Spears? *In shock* Is she your whore? Cause if so that�s disappointing. *Shakes head in disappointment*�I thought I was your whore, but I guess not. *Bites his fingers and refrains from crying then turns away*
HB: *Is shocked* Hitler you know you�re the only whore for me! I could never have anyone else. You are my whorish sunshine!
H: *Blushes and does that hand thing* Oh stop it�your making me blush. *Smiles at Chuck and Chuck smiles back*
M: *Is in disgust* STOP THIS! Hitler�about your dream, I�m sorry. Now it�s morning and we can go out and stuff. Lets go wake the others. Cause they are still sleeping�it�s kind of late for them to not be up. They are usually the first ones to wake�ah well. Lets go get them now.
H: Okay�hold my hand Chuck?
HB: You know I will! *Hold hands*
M: *Is still disgusted. Gets in-between then and stops their love from blossoming* Now stop that! I don�t want you two to get together and break up and hate each other�that would be tragic!
*Both nod and stop loving each other. Now all enter the guestroom and find a note Mussolini reads aloud*
Dear Mussolini and friends,
We had to leave we couldn�t take it anymore�GOD! I promised myself I wouldn�t cry�why am writing this out�? Oh well moving on�everything was getting to us. Dubya and his Babs me and my stuff and Saddam with his stuff�sorry we ended it like this. Here�s a lock of my beard for you to clone me with! It�s nice aint it�yeah it be. Well I love you platonically of course�cause I�m not like Hitler or Chuck�I have 4 wife�s! Well bye friends it was a crazy journey.
P.S. Dubya says hey! And that he has a chicken in his pants�I don�t think you wanted to know that but now you do�
-Osama-Dubya-Saddam-
*All are shocked*
H: What does this mean?
M: It means they�ve left us�for their old lives. *Slams his fits on a near by table breaking it* They didn�t even say where they lived or anything! They just got up and left and wrote us this note. *Crumples the paper and throws it down* This crappy note! *Stomps on it* Crappy, CRAPPY NOTE! *Leans against the wall and slides down. Cries* They�they were the best and now they�ve left us�for stuff! *Realizes he knows things* Wait I am magical! I know were their headed if we can get there before them then we can go with them for a while! Or something like that!
H: Well where are the going?
M: The question is where aren�t they going!
HB: Back here. That�s for sure!
M: *Is saddened and cries* Way to bring that up�*Runs out crying. Time passes and he comes back in and cries more* WAIT! I know things *Chuck sighs cause Mussolini has just done this* Now we just have to get to that white house before them!
HB: THE white house?
M: No A white house�Dubya aint not the president no more�DUH! But we got to get there before them�remember!
H: *All delayed and interrupting* That�s brilliant!
M: *Nods. Modestly* I know it is�
H: Now we must go prepare�*Remembers* Oh god!�my groove! I totally forgot after the volleyball!
M: Oh god, me too. Hey that Napoleon fella said he lived in Cuba. I have a plan!
H: What is it?
M: Well we set up a little �Party� in Cuba to get it all back. Cause he said he�d be there! We�ll invite everyone! And make it seem like it�s for something else. Maybe a picnic! But it will be groove related.
H: That�s wonderful! Now�to prepare! *All start to walk out when we hear glass break from Mussolini�s room. They all run to see what it is. Picks up the rock* There seems to be something written on it� And it looks like some one broke this window�somehow they are connected. *Ponders this* I�ve got it! They threw this rock threw the window!�but who? And why? Well we can figure that out later.
HB: Well are you going to read it for us or are we going to have to guess!?
H: Oh Guess! *Holds up two fingers again*
HB: Oh two words! *Hitler nods and then makes a gun with his fingers and pulls his finger trigger and falls over* OH! OH! DIE! *Hitler nods again and points to himself* Hitler�DIE HITLER! That�s it aint it?! *Hitler takes a big gulp and nods. We hear a motor cycle drive off. Hitler looks out the window and sees little Jimmy and Stalin*
H: It was THEM! *Points to the people on the motor cycle* Well you don�t scare me! I�m Hitler! So you better drive away�*We hear the motorcycle screech to a halt and turn around. Hitler is frightened and goes back inside. Realizes that was Stalin and Little Jimmy and they should be locked in a cage. Then they drive away cause they wanted to chase a bird* Chuck�did you lock the cage we put the evil people in?
HB: *Acts like he didn�t hear that and starts to whistle. Puts his arms behind his back and starts to do the teetering on his toe looking around but not at Hitler. Looks at Hitler* What are you staring at!?
H: CHUCK! Did you?
HB: I didn�t know where the lock was! I panicked and told them to look away and made something that looked like a lock out of sand�I AM ASHAMED! Okay?! *Cries. Runs off*
H: Now they are out and Stalin and Little Jimmy want to hurt me and my friends�and *Gasps* King Mitch is out�he�s going to want to find Dubya, Osama, and Saddam� What if he finds them? They might not know how to fend him off�or he might get taken back to the future with them�The HORROR! *Chuck walks in*
HB: I�m lost what�s going on here?
H: King Mitch is going to find Dubya, Osama, and Saddam and hurt or even kill them! We can�t let this happen�we must go find them!
HB: But I just made waffles�*Is sad that he wont be able to eat his waffles*
M: Hurry and eat them! We got to leave soon to find our good friends before they are toast!
HB: Oh I made toast too and a pot of coffee�also some omelets!
M: How the heck did you do this in five minutes?
HB: Well I made some earlier and put it aside and then I just heated the oven and put them in and vuwala! They are good too, here have a taste!
M: *Mussolini tastes some* Why that aint half bad�let me have some of that coffee.
H: *Shouts so loud they jump and drop everything* WILL YOU TWO JUST STOP! Our friends need us! Need us to help them!
HB: You don�t know if they need us! *Accusingly* Your assuming�
H: I am not!
HB: You is so!
M: *Just realizing the food dropping* Aw all the food dropped�*Tries to eat it off the floor*
HB: *Brings him up* Don�t worry I have even more set aside�lets just heat the oven and put it in. But like the neat person I am I prepared a warm plate already! Here taste!
M: *Tastes another one* Wow that was even better!
H: *Sighs* I�m going to take a long bubble bath. When I am done we are so going to look for our friends! *Stomps upstairs to go take a bath*
HB: What has gotten into him?
M: I don�t know but�*Ding, Giddily* Oh a fresh batch of omelets are done! *Eats some* God I am going to get so fat! But I can�t help it they are so tasty! They are like waffles, but better!
*Cuts to King Mitch sort of planning evil / not evil*
KM: *Laughing joyfully* Now to find those people that keep getting away from me. *Happy* All I want to do is be their friend, give foot massages, talk late into the night, just like Mussolini, Hitler, and Chuck�I want to be friends like they are. But only with Saddam, Osama, and Dubya� But every time I see them I build up with an uncontrollable rage! Cause they always run away from me�and all I want is to be their friends�sure I did some evil, but I�m good now� And *Makes grunts and noises* I need a smoke! *Lights up a smoke and goes out side and he sees a puppy and takes a puff* Aw look at that puppy�it�s so cute and�*The puppy gets hit by a truck*�now it�s dead. Why does everything I love get squished? *Squishes his cigarette to show the squishing* Either by a truck or some kind of large animal! It�s not fair! *Pouts*
SG: *Talking to Greg the store man�s grandpa on the phone* Well maybe cause your evil and you can�t love! You have no feelings�you tall freak of nature and�um STUFF! Go DIE you German freak. DIEEE! *Mitch doesn�t hear this* How was that Greg�s Grandpa? Did I do good with my play readings?
KM: *Smacks that guy* Hey shut up! Those words sunk�deep down, and I am hurt now. It�s like I fell down and got a scrape and you put a band aid on me�but then you rip it off just as I start to feel better and I hurt even more. Then you �feel bad� and get a new one and put it on and *Spazzy* rip it off again�you�re a bully! And your weak and pathetic! And we are in Germany�why are you calling me a German freak�YOU MAKE NO SENSE! Maybe you should DIE! *Goes back inside mumbling*
SG: *Rubs his cheek* Ow�I was talking on the phone. Did he think I was talking to him? Oh well�*Rubs his cheek even more* Well I�ve got to go Greg�s Grandpa�talk to you later. *Hangs up the phone and walks over to Mitch�s door and knocks. Mitch answers* Mister Mitch before you hit me, again I want you to know I was on the phone with my friend�s Grandpa�we were practicing for a play. I hope you weren�t offended.
KM: I was! *Hit�s him again and he falls down the steps. Cries* Now leave my sight pathetic mortal! *The guy gets up and runs away* I am once again the supreme ruler of my house! But I don�t think there was a time that I wasn�t�well I am still the ultimate RULER! Mwah ha ha ha! Mwah ha ha ha! *Re-Enters his house all mellow like* Now my plan to get those people back and try and be their friends�it might fail, but those kind of things happen!
*Cuts to Dubya, Osama, and Saddam walking down the street*
D: *Whistling and starts to sing in a happy tune* Ohh we left our friends, our home, our lives! But we did it all for our self�s not thinking of no one ELSEEE. We are selfish little jerks! We care not about the feeling of others! We-
OBL: You�re a horrible singer, and those words you sang don�t even go together�
D: Well why don�t I just sing it again! *Sings again*
SH: Would you just shut up! We�re not selfish! We just need to be back to our time and make it all better�just think about Babs.
D: *Cry-ishly* Bab�s? Oh why did you have to bring up Babs? I love her so and she is back there�alone and scared and�
B: *Comes Marching up from the horizon singing �It�s Babs� with a marching band then reaches Dubya and finishes her song. Talks behind him* Honey Doodle! I came back in time on accident but I�m going to say it was for YOU!
D: *Turns and sees Babs then gasps* BABS! *Runs up to her and gives her a hug* Oh I missed you so much� And you came back, just for me?
B: Stop suffocating me! I need some space�it�s like you haven�t seen me in days. When you just saw me a couple days ago!
D: No, your lying! I came here like 4 days ago. And how are you here right now? Shouldn�t you be back in the year 2006?
B: Probably�*Gasps* I MET A HOBO!
D: Well whoop-dee-doo! Does this have anything to do with why you�re here Babs? Does it? Cause if so I�d *Exaggerated* love to know how!
B: It has all to do with why I am here. I went back to our house area to see it wasn�t there and I was shocked. SHOCKED I SAY! *Pauses* SHOCKED!
OBL: Okay! You were shocked�We don�t need to dwell upon how shocked you were. Now go on.
B: SHOCKED I SAY! SHOCKED! I don�t think you understand the shocking ness of this�it was very shocking.
SH: Oh we understand, Go on please�
B: I WAS SHOCKED! *Every one sighs. Time passes. Fibs and tells the story about the beer to make it better for Dubya* Any who there was this hobo with a box and I wanted to sleep in it so I gave him some beer and he gave me the box. I went in and WHAM! Here I am�with you. Now stop smothering me with your love�your old.
D: *Is shocked* I�m�I�m old!? *His lips quiver as if he is about to cry* Who� what� but� Guys is this true? *Turns to them for answers they all nod is shame* Well was any one going to tell me? Was I going to have to live my life like this�not knowing. Walking around clueless? Is that it!? I need to be alone right now�*Start to walk off but is stopped by Babs*
B: *Turns him around* I�m sorry I always wanted to tell you that you were old�but I never got around to it. I mean with running the kids around and shopping and you going back in time and all�
D: I guess that makes me feel better�*Revelation* Yeah! It does�thanks Babs I needed that. I love you with all of my big heart! HUG ME! *Opens his arms and goes and hugs her�she doesn�t hug back*
B: *Non caringly* Yeah, yeah I like you too. *Happily* Oh look a field�it has gnomes in it! I want to go get one�to play with, he can be mine and I shall call him Mister Fuggels. He could be our butler! *Runs over to the field and everyone follows*
OBL: *His turban is knocked off* My turban!
SH: Just forget about it!
OBL: NO! I could never! *Saddam drags him off* Nooo!
*Cuts back to Mussolini�s house and Hitler is done with his bath*
H: *Wearing a towel* Okay guys once I am done getting dressed we are going to the field- I mean the park. Yes the park! *Laughs crazily*
M: The park? YAY! Chuck we�re going to the park�I�m going to play on the swings and go on the teeter-totter, and then the slide�and maybe I�ll pick some daisies!
HB: *Not caring about Mussolini�s agenda* Yes, yes it will be magical�I�m going to play in the sand box, and we could frolic together�in the sandbox�
M: NO! I don�t frolic well not in the sandbox, it is CURSED! Don�t make me tell the story. *Silent times pass* Fine I�ll tell you�before you got there on that fateful day I was taunted by Stalin and I�ve never got over it. Promise me you wont go in the sand box! PROMISE ME!
HB: Fine�but if he taunted you how does that make you scared of the sandbox?
M: It just does! Now stop interrogating me!
HB: FINE, jeeze some ones a little uptight. *Hitler comes down in a sleuthing suit* Boy is some one sleuthed up for the park!
H: Boy am I ever! It�s going to be some fun looking for Dub- *Stops himself* I mean playing in the park! *Trying to cover his mistake* Yup parks are great! You know it�s in a park were I once was taunted�by Stalin *Remembers the pain* I always know how to make things worse for myself�ah well PARK! I think I�ll bring Penelope!
PC: *Excited* Gobble!
M: Well I say we leave for the place we want to go to and that place is THE PARK! *All cheer as they leave for the park and when they get to the park which is actually the frolicking field they see Dubya, Osama, Saddam, and Babs*
H: *Shouts from across the street happily* Dubya!
D: *Confused* What?
H: *Even Happier* Dubya!
D: *Confused still* What?
H: *Even more happier than before* Dubya!
D: *Still quite confused* What?
H: Why did you leave us?
D: No thanks I just ate some Italian food! You want some?
H: I DO! *They all run over to Dubya and pals. Then they all hug* Now who is this? *Points to Babs*
B: *Asserting herself* Oh I am his wife�we�re MARRIED! *Flashes her ring in his face*
H: *Sarcastically* I wouldn�t have guessed�so I�m glad you told me.
B: Well you should be!
H: Oh crap! I forgot Penelope!
OBL: *Screams of glee* You came to look for us! See guys I told you they wouldn�t just let us leave! Can I have the lock of my beard back now?
H: No�
OBL: *Sad* Darn�
H: But I found your turban! *Hands it to him* Here!
OBL: Golly�THANKS!
SH: But when did you say the thing about them coming back for us Osama?
OBL: When I was in the bathroom alone�*Everyone stares* I had to do something to make sure people know it is occupied! Sometimes they just barge in and I shout occupied OCCUPIED and they just watch me yell� It�s odd!
HB: *Nods* People are so rude they just barge in when ever they want!
OBL: I know I just said that. But still, the jerks!� Do you guys want to go to the future with us?
H: YES I DO! Cause I want to know if every one loves me in the future like every one loves me now! How couldn�t they love me�*Close up of Hitler. Hitler winks and gives a nice ole smile*
D: Yeah�they just idolize you�
B: *Asserty and rude* No they don�t!
D: *Turns to Babs and grabs her shoulders. Whispers* Shh! Bab�s be quiet�He�ll hear you and realize every one hates him in the future!
H: What was that?
D: *Turns* Oh nothing�she just needs help finding her crazy pills�they keep her sane! *Picks a bottle out of her purse* Ah here they are, take them honey!
B: I�m not cra- *Stuffs the pills in her mouth and she swallows them. Whispers to Dubya* What pills were those?
D: Just sugar pills� Why do you keep sugar pills in your purse?
B: I like sugar! Don�t you?
H: Oh, well, right then. *Regular voice* Now why are we here in this field?
OBL: Cause we think a white house is here!
B: Don�t you!?
D: *Sighs* Yes Babs every one loves sugar! *To himself* I don�t know why I missed her�
ALL *Except Babs* Nor do we�
D: You weren�t supposed to hear that!
M: Well we did�
HB: Well back to our field talk The white house could be here�*Screams* Ah! King Mitch is there behind you guys!
KM: *Picks them all up and throws them in a cage* Ha ha now I�m going to force you all to be my friends! *Laughs crazily fun style* Now who wants me to massage their feet?
B: Oh I need one�my dogs are barking at that sun like there�s no tomorrow. Not the good barking either�like when you step on a dogs tail and they bark in pain and anger towards the moon and or sun�well not and or it�s just or�cause the sun and moon are never out at the same time�Wait yes they are at times�But that�s not proving my point *Sighs* Well�
KM: I�m just going to stop you here and massage your sexy little feet�can I lick them? Feet are just so lick able and I love them a lot!
B: Only if your gentile! Cause if your rough then I don�t want it! You know Dubya never licks my feet�why is that Dubya?
KM: *Massaging* Yeah why is that?
D: Well just look at her feet�they are sickening with the corns and� other sickening ness of them�*Cringes at the site of her feet*
B: *Hisses* STOP THAT! My feet are grand and your lucky I married you�cause your not that great looking�but you have personality�well no you don�t. Now I�m not even sure why I married you�It�s a mystery�*Waves her hands all mysteriously* Mystery I say oooohhhh
D: Riiight�
H: Uh well that was very weird�I no longer want a foot massage�I don�t want Babs foot diseases either�
B: I don�t have diseases! YOU DO!
All: Nor do we want massages�I don�t want some weirdo licking my feet.
KM: Well I like feet they are my goodness thing�
B: Keep massaging and licking fool!
KM: Alright, Alright.
*Stalin, Little Jimmy, and Phil The Italian Chef walk in*
S: *Laughing* And remember when we almost killed Hitler�*All laugh* That was the best fun ever�*See Hitler and get silent* What are YOU doing here?
H: Hanging out�
S: Who you with?
H: Me and my peoples: Osama, Saddam, Dubya, Mussolini, and Chuck�oh and Babs of course!
S: I see�well it seems Mitch has captured you so I don�t got to. Now�uh�DIE!
KM: NO! They are my best friends in the whole world�you die Stalin! YOU DIE!
S: *Gasps* Me�die? No�that�s like telling a puppy he aint cute. Or saying that you don�t love popcorn or tacos.
KM: Well puppies are cute and we love tacos and popcorn. But you can die! Cause your not spiffy like tacos or popcorn or puppies! You JERK! *Sets down the cage with Hitler, Osama, Dubya, Saddam, Bab�s, Mussolini and Chuck in it and releases them* There you go *Looks at Stalin* best friends!
S: Oh that hurts Mitch, after we talked about killing Hitler and everything�we bonded and now I don�t even know you any more. You�ve changed, now your on my death list. *Not paying attention that he is being put into a cage* Your pathetic! *Little Jimmy and the Italian chef are screaming cause they are being put in the cage we hear locks and Stalin notices he is in the cage* Aw shoot�you�re a sly one Mr. Mitch�but I�ll get you!
KM: I bet you will. I bet you will, and by this I mean I don�t think you will cause your CRAP! *Drops the cage into the sand box*
S: Can I at least have a muffin?
KM: NO! Your CRAP! And crap doesn�t get muffins *Laughs at Stalin�s expense*
M: HA HA! Your stuck in the treacherous sand box�left to DIE and rot. In hell, or as people call it a sand box.
S: *Screams of terror* Ah sand�no�no not the sand box, you�ll pay Mitch! You�ll payyyyyy!
KM: Okay�
*All head towards a white house*
D: There it is. So beautiful and grand�I want to give it a hug! *Runs up and gives the house a hug*
OBL: Well we better enter this house. *Grabs Dubya off of the house* And go back in time. WHO WANTS A BROWNIE!?
All: We do!
OBL: We need brownies for victorious times like this! *Passes them all out and every one eats them in victorious glory*
D: Wow these are even tasty-er than before! Did you add something else? *Gets all excited* Something so good and magical that it would make your grand brownies even grander?!
OBL: No�
D: *Saddened* Oh well okay then, it tastes like you did though.
OBL: But I didn�t�there�s nothing new. It�s the same old stuff I used for the other batches.
D: Are you sure? Cause they taste gooder�and what not.
OBL: I�m positive�
D: Are you absolutely shu- *Gets slapped*
OBL: Yes I�m SURE! Now stop!
*All enter the house except Mitch, Hitler, Mussolini, and Chuck*
H: Well I guess we�ll see ya guys around�*Cries of departure. They slowly walk away but turn to see if they have anything to say*
D: BYE! *Waves crazily*
OBL: Dubya stop! You guys are coming with us! I told you earlier remember�some one here needs a memory check!
All: We are? YAY!
H: Wait! My groove. We need to go to Cuba for our �Party�!
M: We will in the future! Ghosts don�t die or anything. Remember?
H: Well, no. But okay!
KM: I�ve got to go drain the main vein if you know what I mean. *Winks and nudges. All stare blankly* I have to PEE! *All nod and say words like yeah okay understandable. He leaves and everyone else enters the house. Inside the house Dubya sits and types crazily*
D: BABS! Look I am typing!
B: *Sighs* Yeah good job honey but remember no hitting the �TAB� key�well you could hit it but we must wait for Mitch.
D: Okay *Chuck starts spinning crazily* Well I think I am done here. *Gets up but is hit by Chuck and hit�s the �TAB� key an accident. Mitch comes running but the house is being lifted into the time portal*
KM: WAIT! I am coming with you! *The house lifts higher and higher over Mitch�s head*
D: MITCH! I�m sorry I was hit on accident and then I slipped and hit the �TAB� key. ALL ON ACCIDENT! FORGIVE ME!
KM: I do�I�ll miss you all� Maybe if you ever come back we can have a lu-ow! Uh oh I am dealing with �withdrawal��*Sinks to the ground shaking* Bye guys�I wont forget you! *More uncontrollable shaking* Member the lu-ow! *Stops his shaking* Now I am feeling angered that they are leaving me�I MUST HURT THINGS, NOT YOU GUYS THOUGH! But something *Beckons the gnomes with a hand motion and when they come over he beats them* I AM DEALING WITH THE �WITHDRAWAL!� Bye pals�LU-OW! �Withdrawal��*Has a seizer*
D: Maybe�bye ole friend�bye.
*The house is lifted up to the portal and everyone is warped to the future. In the time warp it�s dark and there is lots of brownies*
D: Ah the old time warp�we�ve had good times here haven�t we Babs?
B: You bet honey doodle�*Reminisces* OH THE TIMES WE�VE HAD!
OBL: I remember the first time we were in this time warp it was magical and I ate brownies! With all of you fine people�well not Hitler, Mussolini, and Chuck but the other people here.
SH: Oh there sure were�you are the best brownie maker ever Osama�
OBL: Oh pishaw *Hand thing* Your just saying that.
SH: *Is shocked* I would never just say something!
OBL: Really? What about that one time when you just said something�HUH what about that one?
SH: That was different� My aunt Francine was asking if that dress made her look fat�she weights like 400 pounds�I couldn�t crush her by saying yes�could I?
B: George does it to me all the time! He�s a crack whore though.
D: Shh! That�s just between us�no one else should know how I became president! *Gasps* I�ve said too much! Great Babs, just GREAT!
H: Time warps sure are fun! It�s like that time I egged Stalin�s house and then I egged him�he cried. He is such a baby. Like that baby I know, who cries every now and then. That�s what Stalin is like!
M: That was nice to know Hitler. YAY! Time warps they make me happy and want tacos�but tacos give me gas. I LOVE THEM SO!
HB: TO MUCH INFORMATION! I don�t think any one here cares about your gaseousness. I know I don�t.
OBL: I care! *Light shines through the windows and the house comes to a big slam and they all fall down. They are also back in the year 2006. Lifts his head slightly* I still care Mussolini, I still care! *His head falls to the ground*
M: *Laying down* I know Osama and that�s all that ever mattered to me!
D: *Getting up from the floor* It�s good to be home�so very good.
B: *Gasps* My favorite lamp with the sparkles! *Hugs it*
D: You know it�s been here the whole time, right?
B: Shh! *Goes on hugging*
M: *Gets up and in frightened by this new world. Screams* WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT!? *Points to a bush*
OBL: Calm yourself Mussolini it�s just a bush�no need to go all �WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT!?� on us. Okay?
M: Okay�I�m calm. I�m good! *Time passes* WHAT IN THE WORLD IS THAT!? *Points to the door*
SH: That�s a door�you know you had doors and bushes back in your time�it�s not that confusing now is it?
M: It is�it�s just your doors and bushes are crappy-er. *Dubya Osama Saddam and Bab�s nod*
B: *Cheerfully* Everything in the future is crappy! Even our music listen to this *Turns on the radio and we hear �Who let the dogs out�* See that crap! SEE IT!?
M: Well you can�t see music�
B: Well you know what I mean.
M: *Screams in pain* Yeah� *Babs turns it up* Okay, okay! AH! I see it! I SEE IT! Turn it off, JUST TURN IT OFF! My ears BURN! THE BURNING! OF MY EARS!
H: *Rolling on the floor covering his ears* It�s so horrible�how do you bear it?
HB: *Sways* I like it�It�s like asking a question but they don�t want you to answer them�a paradox of sorts *Dubya smacks him with a book*
D: NO! You don�t like it�it�s crap and you think it�s crap! In fact you hate it! Hate it with a passion!
HB: No I like it�*Is smacked again with a book*
D: No you don�t get it I�m forcing you to hate it�it�s called book smack therapy! I just made it up! You tell them what they like or what they should like or what to do and then smack them with the book. Lets see how it works!
HB: *Rubs his cheek* Okay I guess I don�t like this song�anymore�That book smack therapy really works!
D: I know, I am great!
HB: I didn�t say you were�*Dubya raises the book* BUT YOU ARE! I don�t even need to say it�your just that great! *Dubya smiles*
H: *Still rolling on the floor is pain* TURN IT OFF! *Babs shuts off the music* Gets up thanks�I almost exploded in pain�PAIN I SAY!
SH: Yeah�well we have an immunity for it, but you guys got to watch out�cause it comes from the deepest darkest shadows of the music industry. Just trying to make an extra buck with their so call �Music��listen to this greatness though! *Turns on Rio*
*Everyone sways with delight and love for the great Duran Duran*
HB: I never want this to end�it�s like�pure magic. If it ended I would cry and what not
M: Wow�when you played that crap song before I didn�t think that music would ever recover. But it has and it�s GREAT!
B: Well it was made in the 80�s�so music is still going down hill�but the 80�s rocked!
*Rio ends and Chuck falls to the floor and curls into a ball rolling around saying �Withdrawal� but then late bar comes on and he is revived to his good ole self. Once again everyone sways*
H: GOD I LOVE�uh who is this?
OBL: The dreamy 5 man band called Duran Duran of course!
H: Oh, I LOVE DURAN DURAN!
D: You should it was from the 80�s�boy was that a better decade than this piece of crap decade we call now.
H: It sounds like any decade before this one was great. Cause I mean who let the dogs out? That�s just CRAP! Crap served on the radio. Who ever sings that is crap too�I hope they burn in HADIES! For such mockery of the music industry!
B: Oh the are! But no, the 80�s was the only good decade�the 40�s�well you were there that was actually pretty great. Except for the depression�but we can look past that catastrophe. Then the 50�s�was CRAP! 60�s�HIPPIES�70�s disco *Cringes* 80�s WHOOPAH! 90�s�rappers and that one white guy who said �Ice Ice baby� or how ever that went!�*Cringes more*
M: Boy is this world crap�not the 80�s or 40�s but now�*Is ashamed of what this world has become* Jeeze�if only some people didn�t make Stalin start a world war. *Glares at Hitler*
H: Hey he stole my groove. I had to retaliate!
M: So you made HIM start a world war why you did nothing�?
H: Pretty much! I mean if I went around and destroyed things would I have shown him? Well if I had destroyed his country or something I would have showed him, but that�s not the point! I made him do things made him work and that�s like getting back at him! He�d work late into the night conquering things and have to use his brain�he�d die from the inside�eventually.
HB: OH! He showed you Mussolini�do you feel showed?
M: No, not really�do I feel showed? That doesn�t make sense comrade.
HB: I DON�T LIKE YOU! Your always bullying me�and I don�t like to be bullied�It�s been like this ever sense sailor school. All the other gay boys would mock me cause I liked to play poker and hang out with guys and watch sports. *Reminded of bad times* See all the other boys watched design shows and hung out with girls all the time�I was off not doing those things! I was a freak!
M: Okay�that�s not a big loss�I could always find some one else. *Time passes* Oh who am I kidding I LOVE YOU! *They hug*
SH: That was magical�
HB: Wasn�t it? I mean it should touch you cause of all the stuff that happened. You know the hating and then the making up and what not.
OBL: Yeah I was touched�in my soul. No physically but emotionally deep down were it counts.
B: Yeah thanks for the description.
OBL: Yep! People get confused sometimes�look at Dubya he doesn�t know what�s going on!
D: *Confused and staring off* What? *Babs whispers in his ear* I know very well what�s going on here!
H: HEY! Calm down people�lets just cool out jets. I�m going to be the peace maker here. Bab�s say sorry to Osama you�ve hurt him.
OBL: In my soul�I�m not going to go into detail cause I know you�d be bothered.
B: Aw Osama that was nice of you I�m sorry *Hold her arms open for a hug and they both hug*
H: Now Dubya�try and pay attention then you wont have to worry about being yelled at by Babs or any one else!
D: I guess I could *Slowly* try and pay attention�but you know how hard that is for me�
H: You got to try!
D: I�ll do my best�some one hug me! *Every one hugs Dubya* I feel the love. *Smiles* Oh you guys are so good to me!
H: We sure are cause well we love you Dubya�you make the day brighter!
D: *Is happy* You mean that?
H: No *Mussolini elbows him* I mean, darn tooting I do! Mussolini and Chuck I know you two already made up but do it again for some FUN! It would just complete this moment!
HB: Okay! *Opens his arms wide* Come her you big lug!
M: Oh you! *Opens his arms wide and they both hug*�We are the best people ever!
SH: What about me? I�ve not been fighting with no one�*Is sad he gets no hug*
H: I�ll give you a big hug!
SH: Really?
H: Yeah! *They hug* That was special�
B: Who wants Pizza? To celebrate with!
OBL, SH, D: WE DO! *Hop around excitedly*
M: What is this *Pronounces the word all slowly as to not say it wrong* Pizza you speak of? Is it some kind of shoe? Cause why would you ask �Who wants shoe?� That would be weird of you.
H: Mussolini is right�why would you ask who wants shoe?
HB: I am also confused�*All stare for answers*
D: NO! Pizza is a food. Every one loves it here in the future! It�s dough, with pizza sauce on it cheese and your choice of toppings! I�m ordering it with popcorn on it.
B: Honey I told you no! Popcorn doesn�t go on pizza. They wont put in on for you. We tried this before.
D: Fine I am going to put it on when it gets here�why do you crush my dreams Babs?
B: It�s just a habit I guess�
H: Hey you two hug and make up before it gets out of hand and one of you gets hit with a book�and or a hammer or something�*Both hug*
D: *Out of the blue* You know what! I haven�t talked to Fidel in a while�have any one you?
B: No�it�s odd�me and Fidel are best friends, we have tea a lot and it�s odd we haven�t talked.
SH: I guess no pizza then. *Sad*
D: NOPE! Fidel time!
OBL: Shall we call him?
SH: *Recovers* We shall! *Picks up the phone and dials for Cuba*
FC: Hello this is Fidel, Ruler of Cuba. How may I help you?
SH: Castro! Hey it�s me Saddam�long time no talk!
FC: Saddam? Oh hey it has been a long time�how�s life in Afghanistan?
SH: Oh I am in the U.S. now, THEY FOUND ME! But you know same ole same ole�oh Osama wants to talk!
OBL: Castro! Hey oh it�s been so long we are coming down there soon for a picnic with you! And your Cuban minions. Hitler and Mussolini are calling it a �Party.�
FC: A picnic? Oh that sounds delightful. I�m going to make a fruit salad!
D: *Shouts from the back round* I�ll bring the popcorn!
FC: I heard Dubya�is he still the popcorn crazed maniac I know and love?!
B: It sure is�oh sorry I stole the phone from Osama he wouldn�t let me talk�darn him!
H: Tell him about us!
B: Shh I�m getting to it! We went back in time and we met Hitler, Mussolini, and Chuck!
FC: OH MY GOD! Hitler, Mussolini, and�*Questiony* and Chuck? Who is chuck?
B: Hitler�s gay partner!
FC: Oh, tell them I said hey and I cant wait to see them when we all go back in time! And what not�
B: They are here with us! Eating P-I-Z-Z-A!�*Singing* I said I want PIZZA! P-I-Z-Z-A!
SH: We got pizza!?
D: Yeah, we decided it was right.
SH: Yippie!
FC: Oh my gosh how exciting!
B: Can you believe that they never heard of it!
FC: It scares me Babs. Scares me deep down inside. To know poor pathetic un-pizzafied people are out there�things like this haunt me dreams. Oh and Stalin him too!
B: I know�it scares us all! And that Stalin, he�s like a human devil man�
FC: GIRL! I know!
B: You better know! Cause you�re a fool!
FC: *Whimpers*�Babs that hurt�
B: I�m sorry, lets be friends!
FC: OKAY!
*The scene ends with them chatting it up with Fidel Castro*
And Scene