Scene: Poker Room, Entry to the House, Limo Insides, Streets, Disco, and a Living Room
Characters: **Order of Appearance** Osama Bin Laden (OBL), Saddam Hussein (SH), Dubya (D), Babs (B), King Mitch (KM), Little Jimmy (LJ), Penelope the Chicken (PC), Goaty (G), Jeff (IC), Saddam (SH), Mussolini (M), Chuck (HB), Hitler (H), Stalin (S), Lady (L), Guy (GY), Some Hunk Man (SHM), Jew Bouncer (JB). Crowd (CD), Creepy Man (CM), John Taylor (JT), Ice Cream Man (ICM), and Fidel Castro (FC).
*Scene starts with Hitler, Chuck, and Stalin sitting around a table in an odd bunch of clothes playing poker. Cut to Osama, Saddam, Dubya, Babs, Mitch, Jimmy, Penelope, Goaty, and Jeff all talking amongst them self�s*
OBL: *Talking to Saddam* Yeah so the zoo�WOW!
SH: Gosh, I know�I was just going to go to the next door neighbors�but jeeze the zoo, that�s brilliant!
D: I am so freaking excited!
KM: Your not smart though!
OBL: OH! You�ve been paged!
D: Have I? *Checks his beeper* Oh I have! I�ve gotta take this I�ll be right back! *Walks out*
B: Okay honey�
KM: You showed him Osama! High five! *They high five*
OBL: I DID!
LJ: I�m going to go wait in the car�come my minions. *No one comes. Sigh* Penelope and Goaty!
PC: GOBBLE!
G: Baaa
IC: I�ll go too, cause me and jimmy are friends. BYE ALL! *Everyone ignores him* FINE! *Stomps out and Penelope, Goaty, and Jimmy follow*
D: *Walks back in* Glad I took that one! *Chuckles*
B: I�m going to the car�ta honey! Gotta get a good seat!
D: BYE!
KM: I�ll come too�we can BOND! *Babs squeals with glee and they leave for the car*
*Saddam, Osama, and Dubya enter the poker room*
SH: Hey kids, Ah! *Drops his drink* Why are you all almost naked?
HB: We are playing strip poker�duh!
SH: Oh�sorry to interrupt your poker playings.
H: Strip poker! *Winks*
SH: Yeah, sorry to interrupt your strip poker playings, but we all are going to go to the Zoo. And see all the animals�maybe ride in a hot air balloon!
D: I�m going to have so much fun! I sure hope I get to pet a clown!
SH: Uhm�Dubya clowns aren�t at the zoo�
D: Well I am going to prove you wrong bucky!
SH: The name is Saddam, Saddam Hussein!
D: *Hand thing* Whatever�I�ll meet you in the car! *Leaves for the car. Hear him talking to the car* Hi Linda! You�re the best car ever Linda!
B: *Hear Babs too* Who�s Linda!? Your girl friend? STOP CHEATING ON ME!
D: I�m not honey�I love you!�*More talking fades as we switch to Osama*
OBL: *Shouts to Dubya* We all will have fun Dubya, we all will! *To the group* I�m going to pet a turtle! *Screams with glee and hops outside*
SH: Okay then�so we�ll see you later.
H: Bye guys, we will just be playing poker�strip poker! *Winks and does a thumbs up with a slight turn*
SH: Bye! *Saddam leaves*
M: *Walks down the stair case* Hey all�I have a doctors appointment. *Is sad*
H: Don�t be so glum Mussolini�we all have doctors appointments from time to time�
M: Hey�that�s right! Well bye then. *Waves*
HB: BYE! *Mussolini Leaves*
H: *Playing on* I bet my Banjo! *Places his banjo on the table*
HB: *Shocked* Hitler, may I ask what are you doing!?
H: Why I am playing poker of course�strip poker! *Winks* What are you doing?
HB: Oh well I�m� Hey! Don�t trick me! That�s not what I meant! Your betting the banjo I got you when I was in gayland, the theme park! Remember?
H: *Picks up the banjo and sees the gayland theme park logo on the back and remembers of the day he got it. Chuck running in all excited and pulls out this banjo from a bag he had and gives it to Hitler* Oh god Chuck�I remember now. How could I have been so foolish?
S: Well lets see if you�ll win it back Hitler! Bwah ha ha! *And so on*
*All place down their cards and Hitler loses*
H: Wait guys I don�t want to bet my banjo anymore!
S: It�s too late Hitler, I already won it! *Evil laughing occurs* And besides once you bet something it�s been bet. It�s like saying after you�ve been shot that you don�t want to be shot anymore�it just doesn�t work!
HB: Honestly, I don�t know why we keep letting you out of your cadge to play poker with us�
H: Ahem!
HB: What?
H: Strip Poker! *Winks*
HB: *Ignores Hitler* All you ever do is steal out memorious items that Hitler so stupidly bets�*Dashes a glare at Hitler*
H: I�m sorry! Damnit, how was I supposed to know I couldn�t bet the banjo!?
HB: Because it says it right on the back. *Turns it over and it says �To Hitler, don�t ever bet me in a game of poker against Stalin, Love Chuck.� And hand written in between of and Poker is strip and after poker written in is a wink*
H: Well how often do I turn over banjo�s?
HB: Well obviously not very often�besides that one time you turned it over to write on it. I just don�t understand you! You have no respect for the presents I buy you! *Turns and buries his face in his hands and cries*
H: *Places his hand on Chuck�s shoulder and turns him around* Chuck, I am so sorry�you know that I�m not good with things. It�s just the way I am, you know?
HB: *Sobbingly nods* I still love you!
H: And I still love you! *Both hug in loving forgiveness* Wait, when did you say you didn�t love me?
HB: Oh well I thought the fighting implied that we didn�t love each other�
H: Oh well alright�but now there�s love. So much love! *Turns to Stalin* Okay Stalin, time to go back in your cadge!
S: *Whining* But I don�t want to! You can�t make me! *As Chuck and Hitler close in he turns and runs up the stairs on jumps on the chandelier. Leaving the banjo*
H: *Heavy sigh* Chuck will you fetch me the broom? The tall broom!
HB: Yeah, I�ll be right back�*Walks off and then comes back with a real long, �Tall� broom*
H: Thanks Chuck! *Takes the broom stick and starts to poke Stalin* Come down here! *Pokes more* Don�t make me come up there! *Keeps poking* I�ll do it! I�ll come right up there!
S: And what will you do when you�re here?
H: This!
S: *Gets poked in the spleen* OW! My spleen! *Grabs it and falls down to the floor landing in the cadge that�s built right in the to floor. And the door shuts and locks because of the fall making it do so* Aww nuts! *Snaps his fingers* Foiled again!
H: No one can beat the power of the broom! *Shouts while bending the broom* NO ONE! *The broom brakes. Is shocked* My�my precious broom! *Cries* It helped me fetch people down from that devilish chandelier�and sweep up messes, caused by that curse-ed chandelier!
HB: *Walks up. Pats him on the back* It�s okay, we have a broom closet filled of brooms.
H: But�I loved this one! *Holds the broke broom close to his face* Ow! Splinter! *Throws the broom down* I hate you broom! *Deep devilish voice* HATE YOU! Now Chuck�where is this �Broom closet� you speak of?
HB: Over there. *Points to the broom closet* Right next to the vacuum closet�I even made labels for the doors and then put them on the doors!
H: Good thinking! And thanks. *Smiles* Those labels will sure help! *Walks off to the closet. Turns back* Wait will you help me with this splinter?
HB: Sure�hold still. *Takes it out* There all better!
H: God I love you! Your so smart and beautiful, like a pie but better and sugary-er!
HB: Oh you just have a way with words Hitler, a nice big way with them�like a speech writer. Now lets get freaky and *Hitler gets excited* hold hands!
H: *Bursts out in excitement* YAY! *They hold hands in excited bliss* Hey look Stalin forgot the banjo!
S: Aww crap!
H: *Picks it up and holds it close* I�m going to go put it in the Banjo closet! *Goes and puts it in and comes back and they hold hands some more*
*The door slams open and Osama, Dubya, Saddam, and Babs enter the room. Dubya is talking of their memories*
D: Remember when I petted that clown!?
SH: Yes, you proved me wrong, why won�t you drop it! God, it�s like you didn�t do this at the zoo, in the car, and right now!
D: But I did�
S: *Sighs. Saddam turns and sees the hand holdings and runs out holding his mouth*
B: *Laughing and holding a glass statue that is a thermos of sorts sees them holding hands stops laughing and drops it* Ah! My eyes! THEY BURN! *Rubs her eyes* Oh how they burn!
D: Honey, cover your eyes! *Dodges over to her to help with the eye coverings*
B: I am! But they burn, BURN!
OBL: *Walks up and slaps their hands making them de-grasp* What�s wrong with you two? You know Bab�s is fragile�and so is Saddam. And now, now he�s sick�vomiting up a storm!
*Hitler and Chuck are ashamed of their gay hand holding ways*
H: *Blurtingly and blamingly* It was Chucks idea!
HB: *Gasps* Hitler, what the hell!?
H: That�s were the devil lives!
HB: *Claps slowly* Bravo genius! Why do you always squeal on me, your such a tattle tale!
H: Well at least I don�t do drugs!
HB: *Gasps* How can you use that against me? You know I have a problem! Just like John Taylor! *Bites his lower lip and turns away sobbing quietly*
H: *Turns him around* God, I�m so sorry. Why do I always mess things up with my mouth? My evil, evil mouth! I just blurt things out�hurty things. WHY!?
HB: Cause you�re a moron!
H: Yeah that�s probably it�so from now on you shouldn�t take it all so seriously, cause I�m a moron and I don�t know of what I speak!
HB: Okay�I lo- *Sees Osama, Dubya, Saddam, and Babs* Uhm, you�re my friend.
H: *Confused and stutteringly* Oh, oh�kay.
HB: Hey where are the others? *Babs gasp and starts to cry Dubya holds her*
SH: Well you see there was this hot air balloon accident�
H: *Shocked* An accident!
SH: That�s what I said smart guy�
H: Okay go on�
SH: Well you see King Mitch, Little Jimmy, Penelope the Chicken, Jeff the Chef, and Goaty they went on a hot air balloon�
HB: At the Zoo?
SH: What�s with all the questions that have already been answered!?
*Chuck and Hitler are ashamed*
SH: So they went on it, and there was a bird flying low and he popped the balloon with his beak and the balloon went down in a flaming ball of fire!
OBL: It just burst into flames! It was one horrible site to see!
SH: There were few survivors�Mitch, Jeff, and Goaty�But they were so badly burned and bruised they had to be hospitalized�so now it�s just us six�
S: *Shouting from the cadge* SEVEN!
SH: Okay just us seven�and to tell you the truth I don�t think Goaty is going to make it�*Babs burst fully in to tears letting out loud whales of sadness*
D: *Turns to Babs and hugs her* It�s okay Babs�in time we will heal these emotional wounds�
B: I guess�but GOATY!
D: He�s still alive�
B: Oh yeah�but them guys said he might not make it and then who would I go to, to help me with my problems?
D: You could come to me!
B: Why you? It�s not like you have skills or anything.
D: Yeah well how did I become president!?
B: You bribed the people of states with pepperoni and ham�remember?
D: Oh yeah�I have to go think! *Walks off*
HB: Wait why didn�t you guys go in the hot air balloon?
OBL: Well you see us four had just eaten a pizza, and you can�t ride a hot air balloon right after food. You might get cramps and DIE!
H: *Nods* I know about that, it happened to me once�
HB: You got cramps and died?
H: Uh huh�
HB: Okay well you guys are all just being weird�
B: Yeah�
H: I wonder what it�d be like to have my groove back� *Starts to go into a wondery state of wonder*
S: Hitler, you�ve had your groove back for how long?
H: A while�
S: Well why haven�t you shown it off? Afraid that some one more powerful�oh say me might steal it back from you�oh say soon!
H: No it�s just I�ve been so busy running the people around and- *Gasps* Are you trying to steal back my groove!?
S: *Casually* No, of course not�*Starts off a slow laugh and works up to a big evil laugh*
H: Okay�hey you know what guys!
SH: What Hitler? Tell us, TELL US NOW!
H: We should go out on the town�and cause some havoc! Some crazy good fun havoc�I could show off my groove!
OBL: Superb idea ole chap!
H: Yeah, I�m one smart cookie. Like that Bond, Georgia Bond!
HB: Oh that Georgia she�s great!
H: Don�t I know it, that�s why I compared myself to her�cause of her greatness! Hey Chuck remember when I was going to get another broom? From the broom closet!
HB: Yeah�
H: Those were the times, eh?
HB: Uhm, they were something alright!
H: Yeah, I know�
S: *Still thinking* Hey wait a minute! I thought that up, sorta�
H: Did not! I don�t steal thoughts, not ever sorta!
S: Well I brought on that thought! So really you should just give me some money�
HB: How much?
S: A good amount I�d say�*Turns to Osama* Wouldn�t you say?
OBL: Oh yes I�d say so�*Thinks a moment* Wait! *Smacks him* Shut your mouth! Now go take a nap or something before I cut you!
S: *Sad* Oh well okay�I�ll just take a nap, like you said to do�*Takes a nap*
*They all stand around the hole in the ground that has the cadge in it and watch Stalin nap. And it plays like the king of the hill opening with them theme music there too. Osama runs and gets some drinks, and they drink them and more mischief happens*
H: *Finishing off his drink* Ah! That was some good drinking!
HB: Hitler, NO! We don�t drink alcohol!
H: Yeah we do, your drinking it now!
HB: *Chuckles nervously* So I do�look a raccoon! *Points to the raccoon*
OBL: That�s one fine looking raccoon�
SH: It sure is�it�s so sneaky too! *My raccoon theme plays in the back round*
HB: Yeah, *Sips his alcohol and then throws it on the ground ferociously* I hate you! *Smacks everyone else�s drink out of their hands. But by now he is a little tipsy. All drunken and slurred* Now you! *Points to Hitler all movey and drunk* Drop that pants! *Laughs hysterically* I means pants! *Laughs even harder* I meant cans!
H: I�m not holding a can any more you slapped it out of my hand�
HB: Oh yeahhh I member now cuzzz youz all like ahh my fear! *More laughs* I mean beer�
H: No I wasn�t�
H: Shh� The birds are trying to tell me something. *Stares out the window*
SH: Uhm, Chuck are you�*Shocked* Your drunk!
HB: I�I am not, you increasingly attractive woman, you! Your drunk! You cocaine sniffing hippie�*Points all delayed and then falls over* You know�I love you all, your really great. And I�m not juss sayin� that neither� *Passes out*
OBL: *Shocked* Saddam�you�re a hippie!?
SH: It was only when I sniffed the cocaine! I did it against my own will! *Drops to his knees in agony* Against my own WILL! *Cries and then curls into a ball and starts to shake*
OBL: Oh�so that makes it right all of a sudden!?
SH: *Stands up. Shouting* It�s never right to be a hippie! God, I wish I never did cocaine and became a hippie for those hours�It was all peer pressure! I said �no� but they said come on it�ll be fun�so I tried it and it was fun, at the moment but now look at me! Look at me damnit! I�m a freaking coke snorting whore who hurts my friends�with my past! I wish I could take it all back! I WISH!
OBL: Well you can�t�and because of you poor, poor Chuck is drunk!
SH: But you got the beers!
OBL: OH! So now we�re playing the blame game are we!? Well you know what I don�t need you, you�re a cocaine snorting whore who doesn�t like to bathe�otherwise known as a hippie! Your like the American version of John Taylor! He�s the British cocaine loving hippie!
SH: There�s no such thing as a British hippie!
OBL: Well then what the hell is John Taylor? Tell me cause I�d love to know!
SH: A washed up cocaine-er who is from Britain and just happens to be a hippie!
OBL: That makes him a British hippie you moron!
SH: Yeah well your UGLY!
OBL: At least I was never a coke loving hippie! *Storms off upset to his room* WHORE! *Slams the door. And Stalin wakes in his cadge*
SH: *Cries* Hitler! What have I done?
H: I think the question is what did you do! And the answer is, you got peer pressured into taking cocaine and your now suffering the consequences of your actions under the influence�your hippie beings.
SH: *Sniffle* I already knew that�
H: I was helping you out! You asked me a question.
SH: Oh right�Uhm, should we do something with Chuck?
H: Oh lets paint his nails and put make up on him and make him look positively girly!
SH: Alright!
OBL: *Comes back out* Uhm, Saddam�I�m sorry. I mean your past is in the past, and I should have just left it there�like when you find something disturbing and you just leave it there. This is much like that!
SH: I�m sorry too�I shouldn�t�ve done what I had done�friends?
OBL: You bet! *They hug*
SH: Want to help us make Chuck look like a girl?
OBL: I do! Give me some cosmetics! *Hitler takes our his hand bag and gives him some lip stick*
SH: What�s with the hand bag full of make-up?
H: It�s my moms!
SH: But why do you have it?
H: Well�cause she left it with me for a reason, I forgot it though.
SH: Give it back then?
H: She�s dead�
SH: Oh�
H: *Takes out some nail polish and starts to paint all professionally* How�s that look? *Picks up Chucks hand and shows everyone*
OBL: It looks good, too good! Hitler do you cross dress in your spare time!?
H: Yeah�
SH: *Gasp of shock* Hitler!
H: Is it really that shocking? *Both consider it and shake their heads no* I didn�t think so�
OBL: *Gets coffee* I�m going to give him some coffee. So he will be all sober!
SH: Good idea!
*After a while they all finish and Chuck wakes up*
HB: Hey guys�I�m CHUCK!
H: *All chuckle* Mhm. *Then burst into laughter*
HB: *Takes a mirror out of hit back pocket. Smiles* Wow I look good!
H: That�s what I was thinking!
HB: *Fixing his hair checking his outfit and what not* Who�s idea was this?
H: It was mine! Ask anyone here! Go on ask!
HB: Stalin, is it true?
S: Indeed it is Chuck!
HB: THANKS! Hitler, you�re my bestest friend�EVER! I�m going to go like this out on the town with you!
H: *Gasp* I forgot about the town goings! We should get ready!
*All nod and run off to get ready for their big night. Hitler comes back with a suit on, a bow tie, freshly gelled comb over and his hand bag with his groove in it. Chuck comes back with a wig, a new dress and some purses. Osama comes back in a squirrel outfit. And Saddam comes back normal*
SH: What are you doing!?
OBL: Not much�
SH: NO! What�s with the squirrel costume?
OBL: Oh, well while we were squirrels I learned something. I liked it!
SH: Your wrong�you should stop with the wrong-ness�
H: Fellas, Fellas we�re all wrong!
*Both smile*
OBL: Thanks Hitler, we needed that extra word of help�well those extra words of help�they helped! *Takes off the squirrel-ness*
HB: That�s what he�s here for! He�s not just eye candy or a piece of meat to be felt up! He�s a real person to help with our needs and life in general!
H: It�s true!
SH: You don�t gotta tell me twice!
H: I could if you want me too�
SH: But you don�t got to cause I already know�
H: But I�m here incase.
SH: Good to know. *Starts to nod* Good to know!
H: And now that you know! I shall speech of things, cause I will forever be here in the times of need. Unless I�m not here then your in trouble. But when I AM here I will be here cause well that�s just logic my dear pals. LOGIC!
OBL: We get it Hitl-
H: Hey! Was I speaching to you?
OBL: *Hangs his head in shame* No�
H: And you had NO RIGHT to interrupt me�cause I was not done. Any how, I will be here fro ALL if you need help. Not just Saddam or that creepy hobo on the corner or 4th and 5th street�no, no, all will be helped.
SH: Hitler, please silence yourself.
H: NEVER! I can not be silenced cause I am the voice of the people! The people they love me! And if I were to serve peanuts well gosh darn it they�d love me even MORE! Cause I mean who doesn�t like peanuts? Natures candy I always say! And elephants well they�d agree, cause I think they like those kinds of things. Alright I�m done now�
HB: Finally!
H: Hey Chuck!
HB: Yeah?
H: You look like Eva�if Eva was ever to dress as a hooker and look like man. Than you two would be twins!
HB: Hitler that�s disturbing and insulting towards me�I look so much better than that Eva character! I mean, *Takes out a picture of Eva from his back pocket* look at her hair it�s all wrong and her skin, why she�s paler than paper!
H: Oh Chuck, your beautiful! *Hugs him and Chuck hugs back*
OBL: *Runs up and tears them apart* Stop this, your setting a bad example for Stalin�you know he�s young and impressionable!
S: *Nods* It�s true I am!
HB: Oh well *All sarcastically* Sorrry, for trying to express my deep love for Hitler!
H: *Shocks of Glee* You�you love me!? Oh I think I�m going to cry, cry tears of joy!
HB: Lets get married!
OBL: *Smacks them both* Stop it you two! You don�t love each other�in fact you�well you just don�t love each other!
H: Oh yeah! I remember now, I let you borrow my rake and I never got it back!
OBL: That�s not what I was talking about�
HB: Well�lets just be friends Hitler.
H: OKAY! Now lets go out on the town!
*All cheer and they go out into the limo awaiting them*
H: LOOK! I called in a limo!
HB: Yeah you did! Does it have a sun roof?
OBL: Just look up, we�re in the limo, foo!
HB: *Looks up. Gasps* It has a sun roof! I�m going to stick my head out of it! *Sticks out his head. Yells to them* It sure is windy! *Looks in awe* Were HERE!
H: Where? WHERE!?
OBL: In the town?
SH: I think so!
*All get out of the car and that spinning camera effect goes around them as they look at all the neon and hookers and street things and gasp in glee*
SH: What should we do first?
H: I think we should go up to people on the streets and show off my groove! *Hitler walks up to some lady* Hey lady look! *Points downwards to his hand bag with his groove*
L: *Covers her child�s eyes* You sick pervert! *Pepper sprays Hitler* Run Billy run! *Gives him a push and pepper sprays Hitler again. Then runs away*
H: Ow! My EYES!
SH: This is going well, *Sarcastically* hey how about we rape some kids now!
OBL: Oh really? Do you mean it!?
SH: No, you moron I was being sarcastic�we�re not catholic priests! And if we were we sure wouldn�t rape little kiddies, cause we have morals!
OBL: But I want to! *Pouts*
SH: Hey that may be right in Afghanistan but not here in the good ole U S of A!
H: *Still on his quest to show people on the street his groove he walks up to some guy* Hello sir! Look at my groove!
GY: Why�it�s so beautiful�may I touch it?
H: *Smacks him* No, what the hell is wrong with you!? What you think oh look a poor defenseless man who will let his groove be taken�well NO!
GY: I just�I thought maybe�we could�*Starts to cry and runs away*
H: *Claps his hands has if getting rid of dust. All cheery* Ah, another job well done fellas!
HB: What do you mean, you made that poor man cry!
H: No, *All are confused* he looked pretty rich�
HB: Hitler that�s not what I am saying!
H: Well then what are you saying!? Is it that I am dumb and shouldn�t smack people!? IS THAT IT!?
HB: Yeah, you took the words right out of my mouth!
H: Well, I never!
HB: And now you have�
H: That seems to be right�
OBL: Lets DISCO!
H: Hey, I like to disco! Lets go and DISCO it up!
*All start to walk over to the Disco place*
SH: *Marveling at the disco* It�s so�fuzzy. *Pets it*
HB: *Slaps his had* We don�t pet disco�houses. We disco inside them, duh!
H: This is true Saddam, even I knew that! *Saddam is ashamed of his stupidity*
*All enter the disco and boogie*
H: *Discoing over to some �Hunk�* Hey gorgeous! *Winks* Like to come over here and boogie with me?
SHM: *Gay and lispy* Why of course you sexy beast you! *Start to boogie*
HB: *Intervening* Hey, you hunky man! Stop boogie-ing with my man!
SHM: Oh no you didn�t! *Waving his finger in Chuck�s face* He asked me to dance�and I will dance my ass off if necessary! Now�I will ask you to leave so we may get it on�dancing I mean.
H: Oh of course!
HB: Hitler why would you ask this extremely hunky man-
SHM: Oh stop it! *Hand thing* Your making me blush under the disco ball!
HB: �Yeah, Hitler I thought you loved me!
H: I do, but I thought hey there�s some hunky man and he can dance too! He might want to dance and be hunky in front of me.
HB: What!? Now I�m not hunky and I can�t dance!? Hitler this is shocking�
H: We all know you can�t dance�try and bust a move! Go on try!
HB: Okay�I�ll show you! *Tries to do that disco hand thing and pokes some guy in the eye*
GY: GOD! First I am slapped and now poked in my seeing eye! *Runs away crying again. Chuck hangs his head in shame*
H: My point proven?
HB: Yeah�but am I not hunky!? Hitler�I am so damn hunky! And you know it!
H: I know, your super hunky! But�you have a different kind of hunky than this man. See?
HB: *Looks at himself*�Yeah�I guess!
SHM: Can we boogie now?
HB: Yes, unless you start to get all intense!
H: Okay! Lets boogie! *They boogie and it gets intense*
HB: Stop! Stop now! It�s too intense for me to watch!
H: The stop watching!
HB: Just stop getting all intense!
SHM: We barley did anything�
H: Mr. extremely hunky man�you should just leave�
SHM: *Sighs* Fine�maybe next time when you leave your wife at home we can have a good time�
H: Maybe!
HB: HEY! That�s insulting, why would you insult me like that?
H: Oh I thought you had left�
HB: I�m right freaking next to you!
H: Well�just shut up!
HB: *Gasps* ME!?
SHM: He�s talking to you!
HB: You should just leave now, home wrecker!
SHM: FINE! *Leaves*
OBL: *Comes rushing over* Guys we found this awesome VIP room!
SH: It has Champaign!
H: Well then why are we all waiting around here!?
HB: Cause me and you are talking!
H: Okay, Chuck I�m sorry�I love you and I shouldn�t� have made you feel un-hunky by bringing that extremely hunky man over to boogie intensely.
HB: That�s all I ever wanted to hear from you Hitler, HUG ME! *They hug*
H: Now, about this Champaign? Is it bubbly and refreshing!?
OBL: The bubbly-est and most refreshing Champaign I�ve ever had!
H: Lead the way my friends!
SH: Follow me! *Shows them the way*
H: *Following. Trips and loses a shoe. Gasps* My shoe! My foot feels cold and naked, NAKED!
OBL: NO! It�s to late to turn back!
HB: *Courageously takes a dive for the shoe and gets it* Hitler, catch! *Throws it and Hitler catches*
H: YAY! *Places it on his foot* Now for that Champaign! *Marches on word*
OBL: We�re here!
H: *Gasps* It�s so beautiful! *All enter before him*
JB: Hey watch it there bucko. Can I see you Jew license?
H: *Chuckles* Oh I�m not a Jew�
JB: I�m sorry I can�t let you in here�it�s strictly for Jews!
H: Oh did I saw I wasn�t a Jew? I mean I was!
JB: Mhm�step aside sir. Jews only!
H: That doesn�t make any sense though, why would there be a VIP Jew room in a disco�and my friends who aren�t Jews got in�why can�t I!?
JB: Hey, they had the licenses�and you don�t seem to have one. Now move sir others need to get in. *Pushes Hitler aside*
H: HEY! My friends aren�t JEWS!
JB: They have the licenses and that�s all you need to get in!
H: But why is it here in this disco?
JB: Well, now all their enemies wont look in a disco�so it�s quite smart!
OBL: *Screaming from inside* God, I love this super bubbly Champaign! And look TACOS!
H: *Sighs* You know what!
JB: What?
H: There�s a�chiwawa on you! *Tries to run in but is stopped*
JB: Just go!
H: IN?
JB: Away!
SH: *From inside* TACOS!
H: Jews aren�t all that special�from this day on I shall hate all the Jews, for the torture and HATRED they put on me�THEY SHALL PAY!
JB: Okay�just step aside. *Pushes him aside*
H: FINE! *Goes over and sits on a bench and waits for his friends*
GY: *Sits down on the bench next to him* Nice weather we are having huh?
H: Shut up you!
GY: Every time I try and be nice�I get this! *Pouts*
H: Hey you know what?
GY: WHAT!?
H: *Smacks him* Leave me alone!
*The guy gets up and runs away crying. Hours later Osama, Saddam, and Chuck come out of the VIP Jew room*
SH: God that was the most fun in the whole wide world�
HB: Why didn�t you come in?
H: Cause I�m not a flippin� Jew! Now lets just leave this curse-ed place!
OBL: Fine�
*They all leave the disco and Hitler is feeling like showing off his groove again*
H: *Standing on a corner* Hey everybody come one come all and see my groove�in a neat little nap sack that was knitted by some one!
*A large crowd shows up and are amazed by this bag then Hitler takes out his groove, stuffed in a box with tassels and sparkles on it*
CD: Ohhhh, ahhhh- *Cough*
H: I know�I like the tassels! *Smiles* Okay I have to go now�
CD: Awww!
H: I know, I know�I�ll miss you too. But I have too! *Leaves*
OBL: WOW! You sure are happy�
H: Well I just showed off my groove and I am happy!
*They walk along and then all of a sudden some creepy man comes up*
CM: *Emerging from the dark shadows. In a deep raspy voice* Hey you!
H: Me?
CM: Sure, whatever. You want some candy!
H: I�d love some! *Reaches out but Osama grabs his hand*
OBL: No! We don�t take candy from strangers! Now shoo you creepy man! *The creepy man just stands there* I said SHOO! *Hits him with a newspaper and he runs away*
H: But I wanted that candy!
OBL: Hitler�I know you wanted it�but that strange man could kidnap you or put a razors in your candy�we can�t take that chance�okay?
H: Okay�*Is sad*
OBL: *Sighs* Have some candy! *Hands him candy*
H: *Squeals with glee and eats it* Gee thanks Osama, you know just what to say and or do�you know?
OBL: I know�I�m something special.
H: I wonder what Eva is doing right now�don�t you guys?
SH: No�she turned you down twice Hitler�and your gay!
H: That�s just a minor difficulty�she still loves me I know it!
HB: *Walks up all girly* Okay pretend I�m Eva�okay?
H: But your Chuck�
HB: But if you squint I look like Eva�so pretend I�m her okay?
H: Okay�Hi Eva, you look great!
HB: I know�hey so do you, by any chance are you gay?
H: Why, yes, yes I am�
HB: *Smacks him* Ew, I�m never talking to you again�*Stops away*
H: ARG! This is why I hate Eva�
OBL: Then stop wondering about her!
H: Okay! Hey look at that guy! *Hitler points to a man crawling over*
SH: EEK! It�s John Taylor!
JT: Yes, tis I!
HB: Oh my god, look at that hair�it�s so voluptuous and shinny. The good shinny, not the greasy un-washed shinny�
OBL: And it�s so bouncy and perfect�
H: Not like Bon Jovi!
*All agree with Hitler�s Bon Jovi comment*
H: Oh look a puppy! *Turns away to it*
JT: Hey guys�want some cocaine!?
*All entranced by his hair put out their hands and try and get some cocaine*
H: *Turns. Is Shocked. Gasps. Smacks their hands down* Guys no! Cocaine is bad�like Bon Jovi! *Come out of their trance*
OBL: Oh god, his marvelous, immaculate hair�
H: Just turn away from him�look at him his clothes all torn, his hair is even ruffled�and he�s got cocaine all under his nose. Do you want to end up this way? Entrancing people with your hair on the corners of streets in the wee ours of the morn?
HB: It�s sounds like a grand life to me!
H: *Smacks him* No it doesn�t�
JT: HEY! Want to come back to my ship with me? Me and my crew are going off to England for an electric slide competition! It�s some good fun�we�re like really crappy pirates!
H: Don�t listen to him�it�s the cocaine talking!
SH: *Walks slowly to John with his arms out like a mummy. Talks all slowly* Must get cocaine!
H: *Grabs his face and turns it* Snap out of it!
SH: Oh, he had me�
H: I know�*Turns to John* Now shoo! You evil FIEND!
JT: Fine! I�ll leave�but you sure about not wanting to come back to our ship?
H: Positive�you cocaine snorting hippie!
JT: *Turns and glares* You haven�t seen the last of me Hitler! *Laughs evilly. Then walks up to Chuck* Hey there sweet cheeks�you want to hook up with a real man? Instead of these�losers.
HB: *All deep voiced* Okay!
JT: Ah, you�re a guy! *Runs away screaming*
H: *All chuckle* Good job Chuck! Boy this sure was a fun night on the town�the only this missing is ice cream�
ICM: *Shouting out like at baseball games with peanuts* Ice cream, get your ice cream here!
OBL: We�ll take 10!
H: Uhm, Osama�there�s only 4 of us�
OBL: I like Ice Cream�jeeze! Get off my back!
H: Oh sorry�*Hops off his back*
ICM: Here you go fella�s�*Walks away shouting the ice cream chant*
SH: *Eating his ice cream sees Dubya and Babs* Dubya! Babs! Come over here!
D: Oh, hey guys!
H: What are you doing here Dubya and Babs?
B: We came to look for you�cause you left while we were coping with the deaths of our friends�member?
H: Oh yeah�sorry.
D: It�s okay�we went out to dinner and had a grand ole time�
HB: Well should we head home?
OBL: Yeah! We gotta feed Stalin!
SH: Right!
*All march on back to Dubya�s White house*
H: I�ll go get your kibbles Stalin!
S: *Excitedly* KIBBLES!
*All settle in and chat amongst themselves and the bathroom door opens and Fidel comes out*
FC: *Folding a newspaper under his arm* PHEW! *Chuckles* Don�t go in there!
*All Chuckles and they sit in the living room*
B: I�ll go make COFFEE!
SH: Coffee?
B: COFFEE!
*All cheer*
B: *Babs enters later with a tray of coffee* Here�s you coffee�s! *All rush over and get their coffee�s*
FC: Yeah that weather�*Sips his coffee*
H: It�s something special I tell you!
*Slowly comes back to Hitler and the gang sitting around talking about �What If�s�*
H: And I�m pretty sure, most of that would have gone on�
OBL: That sounds about right!
B: Yeah, yeah� Well�want some coffee!?
H: Sure!
B: Here you go! *Hands him coffee and proceeds to hand coffees out*
*The scene ends with everyone getting all coffee-ed up and such. But with fun! Oh the fun�*
And Scene