"Terror of the Bloodhunters"

Jerry Warren.

If you know well enough, you should run in fear.  If you are a MST3K fan, you know of the horrible crimes he committed against the human race thanks to his "Wild Wild World of Batwoman," the film that single-handedly killed thousands of millions of brain cells.  But, thankfully, this film nearly killed Warren's career.  You see, "Batwoman" was created back in 1966 to bleed some profits off of the old Adam West Batman series.  Unfortunately for Warren, the TV show didn't see it that kindly.  So, Warren was forced to change the name of his "Batwoman" movie and didn't make another movie until 1983.  That movie, "Frankenstein Island," also sucked.  Then Warren died.

But on the way to "Batwoman" and his eventual fate, Warren also made some really cheap movies.  His first movie, "Man Beast," wasn't that bad.  In fact, I might buy it one day and review it to show that there is no such thing as a truly bad filmmaker.  Alas, Warren's efforts got worse as he went on.  One of my earlier reviews, "Attack of the Mayan Mummy," showed Warren at his true worst:  taking decent Mexican Horror Films and mutilating them into boring, hackneyed attempts.

This film, however, just defies explanation.

"Terror of the Bloodhunters" is a jungle story.  You know, all African natives and poisonous snakes and such.  However, the one thing you must remember about jungle movies that they are a 'setting' movie.  You need to have either a soundstage OR enough money to film in an exotic part of the world to film.  You just can't film a jungle movie in the wilderness of California or use your own house and clever camera angles to portray some sense of reality into your film.

This is where "Bloodhunters" fails on a remarkable level:  every shot of this film fails to convince me that this movie is shot near or even in a jungle.  This film, in reality, is shot in a one-story house somewhere in California.  Possibly in the hills, I can't be sure.  How can I tell this?
 

1. Sure, a house/mansion in the jungle would have a fence to keep out animals.  However, I doubt they would be those chain-link affairs that every suburban house has.  Especially ones that come up to a human's waist.  But the real giveaway is when they show the door to this fence:  it's A GARDEN FENCE!!!  It's the same fence that my parents use to keep squirrels out of their garden!!  THE EXACT SAME FENCE!!
2. The house itself tries to pass itself off as a jungle house.  However, houses in the jungle would not be laid out like your local neighborhood SUBURBAN house.  Just because you put some fancy Calvin Klein 'Caribbean' collection stuff around doesn't stop the fact that the walls are made from dry wall AND don't suffer from some form of sweat-staining (due to the jungle humidity).
3. When you're too cheap to hire people to play natives, make sure that the grain of YOUR film (all the marks and scratches that pop up) do not differ that much from the stock footage.  I swear this movie is half stock footage.  Not in an entertaining way that "Invasion USA" (1962, not 198?) does, but in a way that plays it off as it's part of the movie itself.
4. The forests of Hollywood, California ARE NOT AND WILL NEVER BEEN A REPLACEMENT for the Amazon, I'm sorry.

RATING:  Dumb.  Boring.  Unmemorable.  AVOID.  Zero out of Four Stars....there's a reason why it's ten bucks, and it's not good on even a mocking level.