Street Hawk: "Pilot"

Cinema has one common thread among it:  along all the original films and TV series ever created, there are at least FIVE shows that are ripoffs of that.  In sitcoms it's easier to find the 'gold' along the 'chaff.'  But when you look at hour-long dramas very hard you can find the running threads that some hack thought would be an interesting 'homage.'

Street Hawk was one of the first TV series that I remember at all, in the midst of my early childhood of pointless sitcoms that make me wince when I look at them.  It had everything a young "Duke of Hazzard" fan could want:  a cool variation on a common-day vehicle and lots of explosions.  Action!  Adventure!  The stuff that shows had before the '90s hit and everything went from hot shit to stone cold banality.

Of course, and my luck, it was a midseason replacement that aired the first five months of 1985 for thirteen episodes and was never heard from again.  And there's a reason for that:  for some inexplicable reason, this show tried to rip off Knight Rider.  And sadly, 1985 was one of the last years for Knight Rider, before it's 'by the luck of GOD' four year run came to a halt.  Here's a hint for future hacks:  before you rip something off, PLEASE make sure the trend isn't in it's death throws.

But honestly, the whole 'cool vehicle' trend set by Knight Rider and the Dukes of Hazzard was ending anyway, to give way to more 'dramatic programs' and such written by the same three people.   And the ripoffs were dead anyway, like "Automan" and some others that fade from my mind right now.

Ironically, one of the stars of "Street Hawk," Joe Regalbuto would go on to infamy with ten years of "Murphy Brown" as Frank Fontana.  The others, aside from soap operas, have never been heard from since.

The pilot for Street Hawk begins with a 'souped-up monster truck' chasing an armored truck.  Oddly, due to the budget, this 'monster truck' is really nothing more than a F-150 with a funky looking cab on it.  This cab, however, is so high-tech it can allow two dirt bikes to hide in it's bed to strike at the armored truck.  Why the truck itself can't simply run into the armored one and flip it over is never explained.  Rather, the two bikers confuse the armored transport's driver, causing him to use a derelict car as a ramp, to have some explosives go off like the gas tank just went, and for the armored truck to land pretty harshly on the street.  The landing is the only realistic part of this scene.  The rest seems like an accident the producers didn't have enough money to reshoot.

Anyway, the whole point of this is to establish the barest plot of THE BAD GUYS.  More on that later.

This accident only attracts four cop cars, thanks to all the others in the precinct hanging about in a vacant lot watching our hero, Jesse Mach (as in MACH speed, get it?  PUN!) do this 'amazing' stunt by jumping four police cars on one of those bulky police cycles.  He does it, under the watchful eye of Frank Fontana, whose latest report is.....no, wait.  He's some Fed named Norman, who we will get to later.  Anyway, this also sets up the motivation by introing Mach's best friend, who we shall call 'DEAD MEAT.'   Anyway, the police captain finds out about this and suspends Dead Meat and Mach for two weeks for their pathetic attempt at a stunt, and they decide to go DIRT BIKING, WOOOOO!!    This is also when we see the scene where Norman and the captain talk about having Mach volunteer for "Project: Street Hawk."  What is "Street Hawk?"  Oh, please, it's a motorcycle!  What else would they have Mach for, a crash test dummy?

Besides, his funky hair would really fuck up the aerodynamics of crash-testing.

But anyway, we find out that the police commissioner is in cohoots with Christopher Lloyd, who plays the head bad guy who is also behind the robberies.  Why?  Who cares?   Anyway, he orders Mach and his buddy killed when they interrupt something illegal going on in the desert.  You see, cause Mach and Dead Meat are out WOO-HOOing in the desert and the bad guys take care of 'business' in the desert and.....yeah.

Anyway, Dead Meat (the motive) bites it thanks to the 'Monster Truck' and Mach gets run over.  But only suffers a KNEE injury.  Despite not feeling that badly over his friend's death or the fact he's still ALIVE, Mach still wants to find his friend's killer.  But can't, thanks to his injury which knocks him down to 'public relations.'   But remember Norman?  Well, he reappears and offers Mach a chance to regain the use of his knee in exchange for working as the crash test dummy on the Street Hawk Project.    But he fucks up the aerodynamics...

Oh, wait a minute....

So Mach joins the team, and the pilot pads itself out with a lot of the typical '80s "I'm doing this for my partner" rigmarole and 'setups for the action,' like haphazard characterization between Mach, Norman, and the stereotypical chick who works alongside Mach in Public Relations.   Needless to say, Mach finally kills the bad guy, rides a lot, and saves the stereotypical chick without her finding out who he is, aside from the name STREET HAWK!

So, yes.  We have entered Superhero territory.  Now Mach must lead a double life.....that, or double as a Scream Killer thanks to that nifty voice changer he has in his helmet.  Somehow Norman is working for the government for some reason (maybe to be disclosed in a future episode?), Mach gets his revenge, and a bunch of action sequences are brought to an abrupt end to send us JUMPING into the series.  Well, maybe not:  the version I saw was one tape at a local video store.  And since this series was brought to you courtesy of UNIVERSAL STUDIOS, I can only say that this might not be how the pilot actually ended.  It just might have been cut off to provide a neat little wrapup to all of the 'movie's' events.  Either way, it's disturbing.

What can I say about this episode?  Well, it didn't disappoint on the action, but I think I'm biased.  After all, I was watching this under the veil of nostalgia.  I could be making a purse out of a sow's ear.  The supposed drama was lame, but I did like the chemistry between Norman and....Mach.  Mach.  What a stupid name.  Stupid stupid stupid.  Might as well just called him "The Hero." or "Hawk" for all it mattered.  But it is a live-action comic book.

RATING:  Comic Book ripoff of Knight Rider.  But the name "Jesse Mach," in theory, isn't that much worse than "Michael Knight" or some other nonsense like that.   It'll keep ya entertained, but watch it, this is pure Bubblegum:  tastes great at first, but gets less flavorful as you keep chewing on it.  Two stars out of four, possibly half a star or that is pure nostalgia.