LEXX: "I Worship His Shadow"

"In the Light Universe, I was the Dark.  Perhaps in the Dark Zone....I can be The Light."

There is a curse to being a B-Movie fan:  namely, all quality B-Movies--the ones either so cheesy they demand to be loved or the ones so inept there isn't insults big enough to knock them down--haven't existed for five or six years.   Direct-to-Video has released a great deal of schlock, but not enough to drown out the worst offender of B-Movies:  The Truly Awful Films Made To Purely Cash In On A Trend.

By this, I mean the 'independents' featuring smartass twentysomethings who whine about Goddard and philosophy and that make you so damn depressed that you wonder why the human race has bothered evolving.  Or why colleges are still allowed to operate.  Or the infamous 'sexual thriller,' which is just porno without the genitals.  Or the cheap crap that passes for horror but is more influenced by "Scream" than any real horror director or movie.  Or just the ability to scare the hell out of people.  Compare any of those cheap wastes of film to the last five minutes of "X-The Man With X-Ray Eyes" and tell me which has the better bite!

Anyway, my point is that true schlock/cult is truly hard to find, especially in the CGI '90s.

This fact tends to put fans like myself off of anything made nowadays.  With stuff like "Earth: Final Conflict" and other various shows claiming to be Sci-Fi, the hope is very dim of the trend of "Star Waring/Treking" ever ending.  So, when I saw that the Sci-Fi Channel was going to take a chance on "Lexx," I was somewhat hopeful.

Somewhat.

After watching a few episodes, I didn't hate "Lexx."  But I did hate the Sci-Fi Channel.  As being one of the faithful MST3K fans who were cruelly thrown to the dogs when the management changed, I was (and still am, natch) suspicious of whatever that channel chooses to do with it's loyal core audience.  I mean, what can it mean when a channel that was almost strictly retro turns to shows that use WWF wrestlers AS ACTORS??  What kind of insult is that?  Besides, after a little research, I found that the Sci-Fi Channel was not only going to air the episodes out of order, they weren't even going to show what is referred to as the 'First Season,' which is four movie-length shows that set up the premise of this weird and strange universe (s) that "Lexx" takes place in.  Without this 'First Season,' the Second Season of real hour-length episodes makes for a confusing hour.  Throw these episodes out of order and it's quite damn lucky The Sci-Fi Channel didn't get a bomb instead of the success "Lexx" has been.  A success that seems to be out of curiosity with Xev, played by Xenia Seeburg.

A fairly good actress who will not be in this review today.  Oh, geez, there go my ratings.

Nevertheless, I sought these four movies, which are still in circulation on Showtime and The Movie Channel.  After the help of a friendly tape trader who lent me copies of the Showtime airings, I was able to peruse "I Worship His Shadow" and "Supernova," the first and second (respectively) movies in the "Lexx" storyline, which bring all of us up to date.  While I know that the Sci-Fi Channel isn't omnipotent and can't simply pull movies from Showtime (MSTies will remember the "Merlin's Shop of Mystical Wonders" debacle), they should have started with the first episode and continued on.  Merely screwing with the episodes just to provide ratings based on an actress's cleavage is just sick and wrong and ruins a perfectly good series.

Well, that, and constantly rhyming "Lexx" with "Sex."  I'm older than thirteen, I get it.  Thank you.

"I Worship Your Shadow" introduces us to the "Lexx" Universe.  Apparently, the Shadow of the title is a ruler/dictator who has spread peace throughout the inhabited Light Universe by taking over planet and bending them to his will.  All resistance resides in the wilderness and lawlessness of the "Dark Universe."   All heretics to The Shadow are killed, because he's a dictator and such.

Enter Stanley Tweedle, the archtraitor of mankind.  Back when mankind was free, Stanley was a replacement of a replacement of an important officer.  Skipping duty for a day to get laid (hence the sexual overtones in "Lexx"), Stanley accidentally lures the Shadow's forces to his outpost, which is destroyed.  While his lifepod runs out of air, Stanley is offered a chance at life by some mercenaries in exchange for his coordinates.  Stanley finally submits, which allows Shadow's forces to use his valuable info to get inside mankind's defense and wipe them out.  For his trouble, Stanley is given a very low position in the Shadow's domain and ekes out life, getting into trouble constantly.  That is, until he finally goes over the line with a superior and is forced to either give three of his organs or become an outlaw.  While Stanley takes his time, the organ bank closes and Stanley Tweedle becomes a fugitive.

Meanwhile, as the myriads of races are filtered into the Cluster (Shadow's Planet) for judgment, a heretic called Thorion is also brought in to face a death that is slightly Roman in nature:  being the Christian to the Shadow's Lions, or giant vicious reptilian worms called Cluster Lizards.  As Thorion is about to meet his fate, his escape attempt is launched....in the form of a mechanical dragonfly that comes out of his nose and attempts to wreak havoc with the whole Cluster.  Of course, Thorion is played by Barry Bostwick in a role that doesn't make him a Fem (he wears slightly more than Sean Connery in "Zardoz."  Which, now that I think of it, makes me want to gag..but anyway).

The bug in the system causes a fault in the transformation of another, Zev.  Zev is accused and convicted of infidelity after she knocks out her snobby, thirteen year old groom who disses her at the altar.  The Shadow, however, decides that her fate is to be that of a 'Love Slave:' her flabby body will be made 'perfect' and her mind will be changed to total subservience.  However, when Thorion's bug goes awry, so does Zev's transformation:  a cluster lizard rolls in at the wrong time, devours a 790 robot's body (leaving the head) and is stuck with Zev in the transformation machine.  As a result, Zev becomes 'perfect' and has half the DNA of a cluster lizard.  Zev is able to escape and places the 790 head just as the total submission part of the transformation comes online.  Thus, 790 becomes infatuated with Zev, and rolls after her as she escapes.

Just why a 790 robot would have a cart lying around just in case it's head is bitten off is beyond me.

Anyway, Zev and Stanley literally run into each other and escape from the guards and are able to the Shadow's secret weapon: a giant insect called the Lexx.  Which, of course, is the most powerful ship in existence.  Apparently, this was Thorion's plan all along.  His group of heretics steal the energy 'key' to the Lexx, in order to hijack it.  But, the Shadow is able to counteract this by sending one of his assassins, Kai, after them.  Kai kills Thorion and as one of the heretics bites it inside the Lexx due to a cluster lizard, Stanley receives the key to the Lexx.  As Kai breaks in to kill them both, we find that the Lexx also holds the brains of the Shadow's former hosts:  apparently the Shadow is a parasite that travels from host to host, over the ages (we will later find that the Shadow parasite is really the essence of a Insect, who were supposedly killed in The Great Insect Wars, something the series has yet to explain).  Kai starts killing the brains, and regains his own memory.  He is an immortal, thanks to something called 'protoblood,' which allows him to be invulnerable (as in, being sliced apart but able to fuse himself back together, like silly putty).  And he was the last of an race of "Romantics" who died fighting the Shadow's forces.  But the two thousand (!!) years of servitude has left Kai unemotional and dead.  He joins Stanley, Zev, and 790 to find them a new home outside of the Shadow's influence, then to end his own existence.  Much to Zev's...disapproval.

Of course, there are several subplots to this, including one that shows up in the second movie, "Supernova," but this review is long enough.

Anyway, without this information watching "LEXX" is quite a disturbing experience.  But this movie grows on one.  After watching this movie in one sitting, I regained my faith in finding more recent entertainment.  Even through this movie comes from a varied background of Canadian/German minds, I still find it to be quite touching and action-packed.  To be straight, they don't make movies or shows like this and it's a damn shame.

And it's also a damn shame that Showtime insists on calling these movies "Tales from a Parallel Universe" and releasing them at rental prices.  Luckily, I've heard rumors that the producers of these fine movies and shows, Salter Street Films, are planning on releasing LEXX movies and episodes UNCUT in Canada soon.  Which means that any U.S. machine can play them, which means you now have another reason for crossing the border besides the good exchange rate and alcohol.

RATING:  If you are slightly interested in "LEXX" or just want a good movie, I highly suggest this film, as well as the rest of the series.  Good acting, good plots, slightly offbeat and overly sexual in spots but not enough to excuse Sci-Fi's advertising for this series.  A true shame.  Five out of four stars.  A true classic if there was ever one.