"Hercules in New York"

Careers come, careers go.

In the last few decades, there have been BIG movie stars:  people who have taken their talents no matter how dubious they may be, used them effectively in contrived pieces of....cinema and used that money to either get their own visions of 'cinema' made or possibly to wait out and do yet another movie that will add to their reputation as a 'writer/director/actor/take your pick.'  Hence, instead of the Studio System of the '50s, we have the Celebrity System of the '90s.

But Studios are not dependent on one single actor.  Hence, why Studios like Universal kept putting out failures on TV and movie and kept going for longer than actors who can make one bad movie/choice and ruin their careers.  These are truly spectacular, because usually the bad movie keeps said actor from getting a good part ever again.  Move bad movies begat more bad movies until said actor is about as popular as Morgan Fairchild and half as cheap.  One day, billion-dollar blockbusters, the next Lifetime Movie of the Week.

Which brings us to our subject for today: Arnold Schwarzenegger.

In the '80s, Arnold got big off of the action movie genre with such classics as "Commando," "Predator," and even as the heavy in "Terminator."  This hit parade kept coming despite Arnold's persistence to break out of the genre with such tripe (fancy word, I apologize) as "Twins" and "Kindergarten Cop."  But, to be fair, the latter wasn't so much as 'breaking out of the genre' as it was just annoying and yet oddly fascinating.  Which means I can only view it in two-three year intervals before I start vomiting.  But, of course, as the hits kept coming so did the misses.  As the '90s dawned, Arnold put out two GREAT movies:  "Total Recall" and "Terminator 2."  This was the climax of his career.  After this, if Arnold had played his cards right, he could have been LEGENDARY.  Twenty years from now, he could have his films on AMC as examples of this fading American genre and everything would have been hunky-dory.

Except life often gives you a kick in the balls if you don't pay attention.  And Arnold was more concerning on figuring out how to puff cigars while babbling about making Americans fit.

Arnold didn't learn that his hits were better than his misses.  A whole lot better.  So, as he did in "Kindergarten Cop," Arnold decided to use his post-"Terminator 2" fame for another hybrid project that would combine the action genre he was known for and the comedy genre he was trying to break into.  Three words:  "Last Action Hero."  Instead of creating more of the legend that he was, Arnold decided to spoof it.  You can't spoof what you haven't achieved.  Plus, the public was lukewarm on his comedy attempts....adding Danny Devito to it wasn't going to help anything.  So, "Last Action Hero" BOMBED.  Badly.  The story of a magic ticket that took an annoying little boy who foreshadowed "Scream" four years before it hit who lives in a stereotypical New York Ghetto who gets the Edgar Rice Burroughs treatment into a fantasy world with his favorite hero didn't connect with anybody.  There was action, sure....those parts of the movie I can watch.   The AC/DC music fit perfectly.  But the child killer who killed his son?  The parts set in 'reality?'  The kids were too young for it and the young 'hero' of the story, and the adults couldn't stomach the touchy-feely parts that seemed to be written for a children's book instead.  So, it died and left a foul-smelling corpse.  It was the beginning of the end.  The end, as in such BAD flicks as "Junior" and "Batman and Robin," forgettable flicks like "End of Days" and "Eraser," and attempts that end up being short-sighted as "True Lies."

Which I can't really think deserves a sequel...I mean, his identity is no longer secret.  Where's the hook?

Anyway, this experiment concentrates on Arnold's bomb before success, "Hercules in New York" (aka "Hercules Goes Bananas").  One of the things you'll notice about this flick is:

1) The title card looks like either a cheesy comic book cover or cereal box.

2) The last part of the title on this title card looks odd and doesn't match the "Hercules" of the title.  It's been superimposed.  Apparently this Italian made film was called "Hercules."  Or, probably in the IMDB, "Hercules" (VI).

3) This title card cuts to some cheesy scene of Olympus, where some REALLY cheesy Italian music starts playing.  In a minute or so of watching the modern viewer will learn that this film is dubbed into English.  Including Arnold's voice, which actually sounds better than his real one.

Of course, this is when your average viewer will turn off the film.   It's a typical retelling of the Hercules legend:  Hercules gets Zeus's ire and Zeus sends him to Earth to teach him about life down there or something as inane.  And, while down there, Hercules joins up with this stereotypical Jewish guy who ends up being his manager so he can enter this local toughman contest.  Why?  CAUSE HE'S HERCULES, GENIUS!!

Anyway, Hera (Zeus's wife du jour) interferes at every opportunity, even going to the extent of sending Hades down to talk to Hercules.  Which he does.  But, sooner or later, it all ends with a completely odd shot of a rabbi flying down to Earth.  Fortunately, he's wearing clothes unlike Herc was earlier in the film.  Cause you see, Herc was banished from Olympus by Zeus and.....oh, never mind.

RATING:  There's not much to review.  The Mob, Greek Gods, flying rabbis, strongmen contest......there's a reason this stuff is given a lot of names: so it can sell more copies on confusion alone.   All and all, it's boring.  Don't bother.  A half a star out of four.  Devil Fish is more entertaining.

My thanks to an Ebay seller who I got the pic from above......and who is selling this film for $41.50 at last count.  Oh, the pain...the pain.....