Cleopatra 2525: "Quest for Firepower."

Hel and Sarge, two warriors in the year 2525,  rescue Cleopatra, an aspiring actress who awakens from a cryogenic deep freeze after
more than five centuries to find the world literally turned upside down.

Like I stated before in my "Lexx" reviews, it's hard to find good cheese that is made nowadays that don't have the stink of direct-to-video porn or other video store nonsense that exists only to turn a buck.  For you see, cheese has to have the strength of it's convictions.  You can't pull a parody on your material and keep a fair distance from it:  for example, if I was to create a show that had something odd about it, like a man who can deflect bullets thanks to a mystical power, I could not play with the premise of that by making wry comments about how stupid it is.  For, you see, if it was stupid enough to make fun of in the first place, then what right do I have inflicting it on the general populace?  It's hypocritical and shows contempt.

Hence, why the whole Scream phenomena is just silly in the first place.  If you, the creator, are so aware of it's shortcomings, why bother?  It's a punchline without a joke.  And every hack nowadays seems to put that little quirk into every form of movie/TV making nowadays.  It provides fluff that is easily disposable and quickly forgotten.  As in, nobody will ever want it or love it.

Or, there comes the other way of contempt:  disguising sex as plot.   Have people in ill fitting pieces of cloth, jumping around and beating people up.   Sure, you don't go all the way, ignoring the actual sex act, but playing around the lines that network TV has always done.  Pushing the envelope without breaking it.   Pretending you're cutting edge when the true fact is you're so far away from the edge all you produce is sub-sophomoric humor.  It's not enjoyable, it's insulting.  Given the easy access and semi-casual attitude about sex in America today, it would just be easier to go down to the local video store and go in that room in the way back.  Sure, the clerk will give you strange looks but, at the end of the day, you're happier and you don't have that underlying hostility towards free TV.

Personally, I didn't want to review Cleopatra 2525.  Sure, sometimes I stay up late on Sundays to catch "Space Ghost: Coast to Coast" and try to see if MTV hasn't sold out by canceling "Amp," but I never try to catch this show.  Sure, I've caught a few episodes...and it's finally clear that whatever hype caused "Hercules: The Continuing Adventures" and "Xena" to become popular only succeeds in hour-long episodes. Why?  Because, at some level, someone is writing this.  Someone is concerned about crafting a story and knows the dramatic flow of a story and a whole series.  This is what is lacking for Cleopatra 2525: it's the lesser half of Studios USA replacement for "Hercules," upstaged every week by the superior-but-somewhat-goofy "Jack of All Trades" which features fellow Michigander Bruce Campbell.

But, like I accuse "Cleopatra 2525" of being, I've lost all control of this review.  Let's start again, shall we?

I chose to review "Cleopatra 2525's" pilot episode, inventively titled "Quest for Firepower" because I truly believe it was rushed to fill a spot that "Hercules" left.   The idea of having machines take over the Earth, forcing humankind underground is not truly original, but has promise:  most of the time the actors of this series play the roles straight and should be commended for this.  All except Jennifer Sky, who plays our lead character.  You see, she is the Scream influence on this show and her character blows the seriousness (yes, seriousness) of this whole episode/series straight to hell.  Yes, I can believe that humankind is now a bunch of warriors wearing neo-barbarian outfits and fighting CGI monsters who want mankind dead and practice their modes of transportation from Peter Parker, but I cannot understand why the creators of this show must have a cryogenically frozen stripper thrown into the mix.  Maybe her character is supposed to used as a foil to bring the audience up to speed with all the events going on.  In Sci-Fi, that character is not an unfamiliar one.  But when you have that character's action sum up to "pointing out the obvious" such as the skimpy outfits and pseudo-stupidity of the plot, then why bother having the show at all?  Sure, I'm not supposed to take the show seriously (it is only a show), but how can you get entertained when the characters themselves are ragging on your suspension of disbelief?

That is the main reason why "Jack of All Trades" is superior to this show.  And it's sad.   It's all just a show, but when you insult the audience for watching then there is no reason to waste an half an hour watching the show.  And I think this show deserves better.  Both actors who play the main characters, Hel and Sarge, are quite good.  Sure, they're beautiful, but if the dialogue was less stilted they could both shine in these roles.  Jennifer Sky, on the other hand, needs to stop bugging her eyes out at everyone.  In fact, I think the whole character of Cleopatra could suffer a bit of rethinking.  Sure, she's a stripper from the past and her views of a bit different, but pointing out flaws is unforgivable.

That said and done, maybe I should tell you the plot.   Or, rather, I could let Cleopatra tell you herself.  It'll be faster.  Granted, you will miss all the slow motion and CGI.  But it might persuade you to watch the episode.  Just be warned, it's better than it seems.

RATINGS:  Gee, I rant and rave and yet I still suggest that you watch.  There is no real plot and a fair amount of sexual tension that is lighter than you will find on NBC during a Thursday night, but it's cheese that isn't insulting.  Being executive produced under the affable Sam Raimi, it's in the vein of "Hercules" and "Xena" but without the annoying mythological "haircuts" and such.  There's some good acting, some bad acting, and it's flawed.  But it might get better, and I find that it's best to get in on the ground floor with series.  One and a half stars out of Four.   It has promise.  Maybe if it lasts it will be truly an cult gem.