Author�s note: Many, many apologies for the tardiness of this episode and how crappy it is. Hopefully both aspects will improve with the next episode. Ha, yes, those who know my whereabouts for the past couple of months will probably sense the bitterness radiating off the letter that Will received. Unfamiliar with computer languages, so tried to minimise the jargon as much as possible in the Jake scenes, but it�s still likely that I screwed up what little there was of it. If you�re in the know, please feel free to correct me, I�ll be grateful for any help in that area.
Acknowledgements: Everyone who�s been so patient and kind and good while I went on my multi-fandom obsessions and subsequent vidding bender.
Additional disclaimers: Spencer Harrison on episode banner is Jensen Ackles. Ana�s Song is by Silverchair. A couple of lines sounded eerily familiar when I wrote them down, so they are probably unintentionally lifted from Buffy.
Part One
Teaser
New Rawley
A little white-painted townhouse stood on the end of Elm Street, the side closer to the centre of town. It was a quiet neighbourhood, as with most neighbourhoods in New Rawley, and within easy walking distance to both Main Street and Edmund High. A few cedars dotted the property, both out front and in the small backyard, their leaves not yet grown back in the mid-January chill.
Jake Pratt stood at the window of the smallest upstairs bedroom, her gaze settling on the distance, where the rooftops of Rawley Academy could just be seen above the grove of trees surrounding Rawley Lake.
�When you�ve finished reminiscing,� Will Krudski panted as he and Bella Banks stumbled into the room with a large cardboard box in tow. �We could really use some help here.�
�Sorry,� Jake grinned, turning around. �How�s it going, guys?�
�This is it,� said Hamilton Fleming, coming in the door with another carton, stacking it atop the four or five already heaped on the ground. �You�re officially moved in, Jake.�
�How does it feel to be slumming it with the townies?� asked Bella with a wink.
�Seriously?� Jake grinned, glancing around at the as-yet unfurnished bedroom. �It feels great.�
�How are we settling in, guys?� asked Susan Krudski, poking her head in the door. �Everything okay, Jacqueline?�
�Yeah, just got all my stuff up here,� Jake replied with a smile. �Thanks for letting me rent this room, Mrs. Krudski.�
�I think I should be the one thanking you,� Susan laughed. �After all, you�re the one who has to fork over for board.�
�We�re all for additional sources of income in this household,� chuckled Will, kissing his mother on the cheek. �You need help with anything, mom?�
�Actually, while you�re here,� she said. �You can take a look at the doorbell. I don�t think it worked since I moved in.�
�I�m on it,� he smiled, striding toward the stairwell, his friends quickly following suit. �This year�s gonna be great,� Bella chattered enthusiastically as they thundered down the stairs. �Us going to school together? It�ll be a blast. And you�ll get to be a girl again, which is pretty fun if you think about it��
�Yeah, Edmund�s not too bad, really,� said Will. �Got some decent teachers. I mean, it�s not Rawley, but��
�It�s better than you not being here at all,� said Hamilton, taking hold of Jake�s hand as they approached the front door. She turned toward him with a small smile and he kissed her on the temple, wrapping his arms around her.
�Let�s take a look at that doorbell,� said Will, opening the door and nearly colliding with a man standing at the top of the porch steps, looking poised to knock. �Mr. Alexander?� Will and Hamilton exclaimed in unison. �What are you doing here?�
Reese Alexander, the new art teacher at Rawley, looked back at them uncertainly, holding up a copy of the local newspaper.
�Is this the place that takes boarders?� he asked. �I�m looking for a room.�
Part Two
*Opening credits and theme song*
Scout and Hamilton�s room
�He looks bigger,� said Faye Archer, who was crouching next to Scout Calhoun�s desk and peering into the glass terrarium that housed George the tortoise. George stared back sagely and she wrinkled her nose at him.
�Well, that�s what they do, you know,� said Scout dryly. �You try finding me a tortoise that grows smaller.�
�Good point,� she grinned, getting to her feet. �So, anything exciting happening this weekend?�
�Actually,� he swivelled around on his desk chair. �I wanted to talk to you about that. Are you free this weekend?�
She raised an eyebrow. �Depends entirely on what you�re gonna say next.�
�Should have seen that coming,� he grinned. �Here�s the thing: my parents signed up to this charity auction-slash-function thing eons ago; black tie, food, some dancing, you know the drill. But long story short, that was before they split up, and now neither of them wants to go and explain to their acquaintances why the other one isn�t there, so��
�So they�re sending their son instead?�
He grinned and spread his hands. �Neutral third party.�
She looked at him slyly. �What do I get out of it?�
�You get to dress up and look pretty, plus I hear there�s gonna be good food.�
�Two valid points well-made,� she chuckled, sitting down on his bed. �Count me in.�
�Great,� he beamed as he rolled the chair closer. �I�ll pick you up on Friday night. It�ll be fun.�
�Yeah,� she said slowly, her hand closing over his. �Fun��
He glanced down, a small smile playing about his lips. She grinned back at him, linking her fingers through his own.
�And just so we�re clear,� he said softly. �This is a date.�
�Yeah, I kinda got that part,� she murmured, looking up at him through lowered lashes.
�Good.� His voice grew faint as he leaned toward her, tilting her head up gently with one finger under her chin. She offered a small smile, her eyes fluttering closed.
The door opened noisily. �All done,� announced Hamilton as he strode in with Will in tow.
Scout and Faye jerked away from each other. �Hey guys,� Scout said, a little sheepishly. �Finished helping Jake move in?�
�Yeah,� Will looked amused at their discomfort. �And guess who showed up on the doorstep today?�
�Mr. Alexander,� Hamilton finished for him. �The new art teacher. Apparently his isn�t a live-in position, so he had to find a place in town. And just so it happens, he sees Will�s mom�s ad in the paper.�
�You�re kidding,� Faye exclaimed. �Jake gets out of this place and she�s still gonna be living with a Rawley teacher?�
�Talk about the long arm of authority,� Will grinned. �He seems like a decent guy, though.�
�They all seem like that at first,� Hamilton said darkly, striding toward the window.
The others shared curious glances. �You okay, man?� asked Scout.
Hamilton pressed his forehead against the glass and breathed out heavily. �Yeah. Just� still not used to Jake not being here.�
�I know it�s hard,� Faye said. �But look on the bright side: at least she�s in town instead of back in New York, right? You can still see her every day.�
�Yeah,� he said dispiritedly. �I guess that�s all I can hang onto now.�
*Will�s voiceover starts*
�Change is inevitable, we all know that; we also know that with change comes the need to adjust to the new way of things, of adapting into your new surroundings. It sounds so easy here, when I say it like this, and I guess on some levels it is. We all have to do it and most of the time it isn�t all that difficult and maybe we don�t even think about it that much. But there are times, too, when things aren�t so clear-cut, when adjusting is easier said than done.�
***
Ryder and Josh�s room
Josh Sutherland sat back on his bed and clipped a capo to the guitar in his lap. Brushing his hair out of his eyes, he strummed a few chords and began to sing softly.
Please die Ana
For as long as you�re here, we�re not
You make the sound of laughter
And sharpened nails seem softer
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
The sound floated down the quiet dormitory hallway. Ryder Forrest was at the half-open door when he froze at the sound of Josh�s voice, and he peeked around cautiously, his gaze travelling over the small figure on the bed. Josh, oblivious, sang on.
Open fire
On my needs designed on my knees for you
Open fire
On my knees desires what I need from you
He was still painfully slender, as though a decent grip could break him in half, but at least there was flesh on his bones and slight colour to his pale face. Ryder didn�t realise he was staring until Josh finished the chorus and continued strumming, looking up absently. With a start Ryder withdrew into the hallway.
The song went on; Josh must not have seen him. Inhaling deeply, Ryder leaned back against the wall and continued to listen, casting a glance down the empty corridor.
Imagine pageant
In my head the flesh seems thicker
Sandpaper tears corrode the film
And I need you now somehow
And I need you now somehow
There had always been an element of frailty to his voice, and at times it was hard to tell where his songs ended and where his sense of self began. Ryder, perhaps, knew this better than most. This song was different, though; Josh didn�t seem to be pouring his heart into it, as though he might be bleeding from the inside. Rather, there was a hint of nostalgia in it, the sense of having gone through something but at the same time having survived it. Ryder wondered if he was supposed to be glad for the fact.
And you�re my obsession
I love you to the bones
And Ana wrecks your life
Like an anorexia life
Upon hearing those lines Ryder closed his eyes briefly and swallowed, feeling something tightening in his throat. Against his better judgment he walked toward the door again, looking tentatively into the room.
Josh was staring out the window as he sang, catching the silver winter light in his eyes. Ryder swallowed again and started to turn away, but found to his chagrin that he didn�t seem capable of such a motion. His body refused his motor commands and instead stood stock-still, there in the doorway, watching the other boy sing.
Open fire
On my needs designed on my knees for you
Open fire
On my knees desires what I need from you
Josh didn�t quite finish the song when he glanced over sharply, the music falling to an abrupt silence.
Ryder gave another start as their eyes met. �Erm,� he said, stepping into the room. �Didn�t mean to, uh, interrupt.�
�I was finished anyway,� Josh said, averting his eyes as he got up and put the guitar away.
Ryder nodded. After another pause he asked uncomfortably, �New song?�
�It�s a cover,� Josh glanced over his shoulder. �And� no. It�s�� he smiled wryly. �Let�s say it�s a personal anthem of sorts. Played it a lot when I was in New York.�
Ryder nodded again, sitting down on his bed, at a loss for further words.
Thankfully, he didn�t seem to need them. Josh turned, then, an expression of resolve settling over his face. �Ryder?� he said abruptly. �This isn�t working out.�
Ryder looked up. �What�s that supposed to mean?�
As soon as the words left his mouth he regretted them. There was a knowing look in Josh�s eyes, a slight quirk of the mouth as though he�d expected the reaction. �I mean this rooming situation,� he said. �School�s starting, and I� I think we�re better off not being roommates.�
Ryder wrenched his gaze away, leaning back against the headboard. �And how do you plan to wrangle that, exactly?�
�Finn�s agreed to move me into Jake�s old room,� Josh said quietly, walking toward the door.
�Looks like you�ve got everything figured out, then,� Ryder said, with a touch of bitterness to his voice that he neither expected nor wanted. �When are you moving out?�
Josh didn�t look at him as he let himself out. �As soon as possible.�
***
The Dean�s house
Hamilton went home to his parents� for the usual weekly dinner. �Hey,� he called as he strode into the oddly silent dining room. �Sorry I�m late.�
His parents were already at the table. �Your plate�s in the oven,� his mother said quietly.
�Thanks,� Hamilton said, getting his meal and taking a seat, looking around curiously. His father was concentrating on his chicken; his mother was taking rather large sips from her glass of wine. The silence pressed on, broken only by the occasional sound of cutlery against china.
�What�s going on?� Hamilton asked finally, furrowing his brows. �Mom?�
At that, Kate Fleming looked up, sharing a significant look with Steven. Dabbing her mouth with a napkin, she set her fork down. �Hamilton,� she began, glancing at her husband again.
�We�� said Steven Fleming, looking like he was at a loss at to how to start. �We�re aware that Jake - Jacqueline - has come back to New Rawley. She�s going to the local high school, is that correct?�
�Yeah?�
His parents shared another look at his guarded tone. �Um,� Kate said, uncomfortably. �We were just� we�re just concerned.�
�What about?� Hamilton asked, his voice clipped and deliberate as he sat back in his chair and folded his arms.
�Look,� Steven said with a small sigh. �We are at an impasse here, we know it. We know we can�t stop you from seeing her��
�Good you�ve got that figured out.�
�But we�re still your parents, Hamilton Fleming,� Steven glanced at him sharply. �And you will show respect to us and our opinions. I don�t like that insolent tone.�
Hamilton unfolded his arms and looked down. �Sorry,� he mumbled.
�Returning to what I was saying,� Steven continued. �You are perfectly aware that your mother and I are not�� he trailed off, sighed, and tried again. �I mean, we don�t particularly like the fact that��
�You don�t want me seeing her,� Hamilton said dully. �I got that part.�
�We�re just worried about you, munchie,� said Kate softly. �The past year and a half� the thing with Jake� that�s all been��
�What? A lie?� Hamilton looked up again. �Maybe it seems that way to you, but mom, trust me when I say it�s not that simple. I�m sorry that she lied to you and to the school, but it doesn�t make her a bad influence or anything��
�She�s the reason why you pretended to be gay for eighteen months,� Steven interjected, raising his voice.
�It always comes back to that, doesn�t it?� Hamilton turned around, his eyes flashing. �It was what I had to do to keep her here, dad! And I�d do it again, too��
�And you see nothing wrong with that scenario?�
�Why, do you? I knew you had a problem with this! You might�ve tried to be all supportive but in reality you�re still ashamed that you had a �gay� son��
�This has nothing to do with my shame about you being gay or not!� exclaimed Steven, tossing down his napkin. �It�s about the simple fact that you two had lied to us, that you�ve been living this gigantic, pervasive lie for the past��
�That�s enough, you two,� interjected Kate, her expression stony. �We�re not getting anywhere with this. Steven, we�ve talked this topic to death for the last month, so just give it a rest. Hamilton, listen to us. We�re trying to make our stands clear on everything, nothing more; so just� pipe down, both of you!�
�Sorry,� Hamilton said sulkily, looking down at his plate.
Kate exhaled, massaging the bridge of her nose as though she were fighting a headache. �Look,� she said. �We know we can�t stop you from seeing Jake� queline, but we can and will do something about it if we see it�s going to affect your future prospects.�
�What�s that supposed to mean?�
�Your schoolwork, Hamilton,� said Steven impatiently. �We can�t predict whether her living in town would affect you, but you can rest assured that we will have to impose restrictions on your freedom if your grades fall as a result of spending too much time with your girlfriend.�
�I�ve been dating her for nearly two years,� Hamilton said quietly. �My grades haven�t suffered before and they�re not gonna start now. Regardless of where she�s living.�
�Good,� Steven said matter-of-factly, picking up his fork. �We�re just laying the rules upfront, that�s all.�
Hamilton nodded, setting his jaw. Kate glanced at him, then at her husband, and emitted a small, weary sigh. They resumed the meal in silence.
***
New Rawley
�Starting at Edmund High tomorrow,� Bella said as she and Jake walked toward the gas station. �You nervous?�
�Nah,� Jake said with a grin and a shrug. �I�m used to starting at new schools. It�s kinda cool, actually. I�m excited.�
�It�ll be awesome,� Bella said as she opened the door to the gas station. �You, me and Sean can totally hang out. What classes are you taking?�
�The usual, you know� English, history� AP computing�� Jake trailed off when she saw the three kids hanging out in the living room: Bella�s sister Grace, Michael Tan, a kid from school, and Pagan Leigh, his roommate. �Oh, hey,� she said awkwardly.
The others looked up, Michael and Grace�s gazes immediately darting to Pagan as though gauging his reaction. Pagan himself looked a little caught on the spot, glancing at his friends before he turned back to Jake. �Hey,� he said, looking every bit as uncomfortable as her. �How are you?�
�I�m good,� she said automatically. �Um, you?�
He nodded with a slight smile, glancing at the others again.
�So, uh, Jake,� Bella said, her gaze darting from one sibling to the other. �Let�s go up to my room��
�Huh? Oh, right,� Jake said absently, letting herself be tugged along by the other girl, throwing another glance over her shoulder as she went.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, teachers� lounge
The teachers� lounge was deserted save for Reese Alexander, seated by the unlit fireplace and poring over a portfolio of watercolours. �Working late already?� Kate Fleming asked as she walked in with a smile. �School doesn�t even start until tomorrow.�
�Just needed to finish up my teaching plans,� he replied, getting to his feet. �And yourself?�
�Agenda for the staff meeting,� she said with a small chuckle, tacking a sheet of paper to the notice board. �The joys of administration. Are you settling in okay? Nervous about class tomorrow?�
�I think I�ll manage,� he smiled.
�I suppose you�re no stranger to teaching boarding school kids,� she grinned. �You taught at St. Thomas More in Connecticut, right?�
He nodded. �For five years.�
�What made you decide to come to Rawley, if you don�t mind my asking?� she laughed with sudden embarrassment. �I�m sorry, it�s none of my business; pardon my overly inquisitive nature.�
�I don�t mind,� he chuckled. �I wanted a change of scenery. I guess I was just in search for greener pastures.�
�Something we can all relate to,� said Finn, entering in time to catch the tail end of the conversation. �Hi Reese, hello Kate.�
�Hello,� replied Reese with a smile, gathering up his papers. �Well, I better get going. Wouldn�t do to keep my landlady waiting the first time she serves dinner.�
�So you found a place okay?� Finn asked. �You�re boarding with someone in town?�
�As a matter of fact,� Reese turned at the door. �She turned out to be the mother of one of our Rawley boys.�
�A Rawley mom living in town?� Finn raised an eyebrow. �We�re talking about Will Krudski?�
�Hole in one,� Reese grinned, letting himself out. �I�ll go out on a limb and guess he�s the only kid from town that goes to Rawley. Ironic, really, that he�s living here and I�m living in his house.�
Kate and Finn chuckled as the door closed behind the other man. �See you tomorrow,� called Kate, darting a glance at Finn. �I better go, too,� she said. �Big day tomorrow, what with school starting and� things.�
He looked at her quizzically. �You okay, Kate?�
�Why wouldn�t I be?�
�You just seem�� he shrugged. �A little down. Maybe I�m imagining it.�
Her expression was inscrutable as she turned away. �Maybe you are.�
�It�s about Jake, isn�t it?� he asked quietly before she�d quite made it to the door. �Jake and Hamilton.�
She paused with one hand on the handle, not turning around.
�I know it must be hard for you,� he continued. �You placed a lot of trust in her. I know you two had a friendship going��
�Stop it,� she said, her voice very quiet.
�I�m just saying,� he sighed. �If you need to talk��
�Then what? I can come chat to you?� she demanded vehemently, turning around and shutting the door behind her for good measure. �Finn, I appreciate the gesture but you know you can�t help. You know��
�What do I know?� he asked softly, taking a step toward her. �That I can�t help a colleague in need? That I can�t talk to someone who has to deal with a problem?�
�You know that�s not it,� she said, dropping her gaze. �We can�t go back down this road, Finn. Remember how it all started in the first place? I�m not doing that again. I can�t.�
�I�m just trying to be a friend, Kate,� he sighed. �Maybe it�s hard for you to accept, but I�m not doing this to further some ulterior motive. I know as well as you that all of it�s behind us now; can�t we just behave like normal human beings around each other? Is that so hard?�
�You know it�s not that simple.�
�Isn�t it?� He took a step toward her. �You�ve got to stop making things difficult for yourself, Kate. It�s not doing either of us any good, having you be like this. Things can be simpler between us. I�m seeing someone now, Kathy over at the girls� school, you know her��
�Why are you telling me this?� she asked, pursing her lips.
He sighed. �I�m trying to let you know that I�m moving on with my life, and I can see that you are too. So what�s the problem if you want to talk to me about something? I�m here, Kate. I can listen. You know I can.�
She was silent for a long while, her gaze trained firmly on the ground. �You�re right,� she finally said with a weary sigh. �It is Jake� queline. Goddammit, I�m never gonna get that name right.�
�Don�t force it,� he said with a small grin. �She�s as much �Jake� as she is �Jacqueline�. All her friends still call her Jake; it�s not something you need to change.�
She managed a wavering smile. �I guess you�re right.�
�And by the same token,� he said quietly, taking a step forward. �She is still the same person. Jake isn�t gone, she�s just� a little different. The sooner you realise that, the sooner��
�What?� she interrupted, folding her arms across her chest. �I can forgive her? For lying to me? For hiding this incredibly important information for over a year? For making my son pretend to be gay? I trusted her, Finn, and she has taken that trust and�� she looked away again, pressing a hand to her temple. �I just� I just can�t handle that. Everything� everything was a lie where she�s concerned. I��
�Don�t cry,� he murmured, taking another step toward her. �Oh, god, Kate, don�t cry over this��
�And now Hamilton�s barely speaking to me and Steven,� she said, choking back a sob. �We�re trying the best we can and I just don�t understand what he wants us to do� what he can expect of us��
�Kate,� he said again as she pressed both hands over her face, her shoulders shaking. �Kate,� he murmured, �it�ll be okay� just give it time��
He hardly realised that he had meant to wrap his arms around her until he found himself doing it, and then she was sobbing into his shoulder, her words coming out in an incoherent jumble, and all he could do was pat her on the back, slightly awkwardly, and murmur soothing sounds that made no sense. Her hair smelled the same as he�d remembered it, a faint sweet fragrance of coconuts and honey. And then she lifted her head to meet his eyes, her gaze desolate and lost, the way he�d remembered them also, and it seemed only natural that he would lean forward and kiss her, and so he did.
Part Three
This was an old dance, one whose steps they knew. Clandestine kisses, hurried meetings, veiled glances in public places. Finn remembered them well enough and, evidently, so did Kate. Her fingers closed around his wrists as she drew up to him, kissing him desperately, the want and the need radiating from her in waves.
For a moment he kissed her back, basking in the memory and the sudden release. He had forgotten how easy it was, to simply forget and stop fighting and return to where they started. But then something clicked in his mind, a sense of dread shattering the blissful blank like a beam of light, and he broke away. �No,� he murmured, staggering back.
As soon as the words left his mouth, she too fell back, pressing a hand over her mouth. �Oh my god,� she cried. �I told you, I told you this would happen� oh god��
Finn stared at her, feeling all the words dry up in his throat. �Kate,� he murmured. �I��
�I gotta go,� she muttered, burying her face in her hands and turning away. He could hear a strangled sob as she wrenched open the door and ran out, her footsteps echoing rapidly down the hall.
***
Edmund High
The morning sunlight was bright but devoid of warmth, showering through the bare branches of the cedars lining the street. Jake stood at the entrance of Edmund High, looking up at the dilapidated brick building in which she were to spend the rest of her high school years. With a wry smile she glanced down at her hipster jeans and fitted shirt, running a hand through her newly feathered hair. She had almost forgotten how good it felt, simply being a girl, to be able to wear heels and makeup and, perhaps more importantly, to have the capacity to turn heads. She had missed it more than she realised.
�Ready?� asked Bella, coming up behind her with Sean in tow. She gave the other girl an encouraging smile. �Come on.�
Jake nodded, turning back toward the building, the doors thrown wide-open and all the unfamiliar faces.
�Let�s go,� she said.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
�Welcome back, everyone,� said Finn as he paced between the desks in his classroom, gazing at the students in turn. �I hope you�re refreshed after your time away, and are ready to face Spring Semester. Now I know it�s early, but midterms are coming up and I want you to keep that in mind. This semester we�ll be starting with our Shakespeare segment, before we move onto contemporary American literature��
When the teacher wasn�t looking, Will nudged Scout, nodding discreetly toward Hamilton, who looked as though he wasn�t paying attention to Finn at all. Rather, he was staring fixedly at the empty seat in front of him, the one Jake should have occupied.
Will and Scout shared a sympathetic look, shaking their heads in unison.
***
Edmund High
�� and after that we will be covering the poetry of Thomas Hardy, before finishing with a study of a film or play, which is yet to be decided. In the meantime, however, I must stress the importance of beginning your preparation early for midterms��
�The speeches are the same everywhere,� Jake murmured to herself as she looked at the teacher standing at the head of the class, animatedly talking through the English curriculum for the rest of the school year. Catching Bella�s eye, she gave a small thumbs-up. Bella grinned back.
�And I see we have a new student this semester,� said the teacher, checking the register. �Jacqueline Pratt?�
Jake raised a hand tentatively. �Hi.�
�Jacqueline transferred here from Rawley Academy,� said the teacher, smiling warmly. �I trust you will all make her feel welcome. All right, class, let�s take a look at our assigned reading��
Jake�s attention, however, was captured by the sound of quiet giggling coming from behind her. She turned to see a brunette, who she vaguely recognised from townie parties, whispering to another girl the next desk over. Jake was about to turn back when she saw both girls look her way curiously, before they glanced at each other and burst into quiet giggles again.
Jake furrowed her brows and turned around with a small shrug.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
�And by the time he conquered Babylon, he was considered the Great King of Persia��
Josh shook his head, trying to get out of the daze that he�d slipped into ever since the history teacher started droning on a half hour ago. It certainly didn�t bode well for his grades that he�d start daydreaming on the first day back.
Smiling wryly to himself, he tried to concentrate on the textbook. That lasted for about three seconds before he spied Malcolm Harding out of the corner of his eye, who was leaning back in his seat and taking notes, his brow furrowed as he absently tucked a blond dreadlock behind his ear. As Josh watched, Malcolm glanced over as though he�d felt the other boy looking.
Josh attempted a smile. At first Malcolm simply looked surprised and a little caught out. But after a moment an expression of peace crossed his face, and he gave Josh a smile in return.
***
Rawley Academy, dining hall
�So, have you decided on what you�re wearing?� asked Scout as he and Faye sat down at an empty table with their lunch trays. �To the function, I mean.�
�Why, having thoughts about matching outfits?� she teased. �A bit eighties for my taste, Scout.�
�Funny. I just thought I�d get you a corsage, you know, something that matches your dress.�
�We�re not going to a prom, Scout,� she laughed, taking a large bite out of her club sandwich.
�Yeah,� he tilted his head. �But I want to.�
She smiled, swallowed quickly and gave him a peck on the cheek. �I�m wearing red. Go knock yourself out.�
�Mental note, check,� he grinned as he started on his lunch. �So how was class this morning?�
�Comme ci, comme �a,� she waved a hand airily. �It�s school, enough said.�
�I hear ya with that comment,� said Josh, coming up behind them with Will on his heels. �I nearly fell asleep in class. Being a senior bites.�
�Hey guys,� the others chorused, scooting over to make room. �Hey man,� Scout grinned at Josh. �Ready for our big afternoon of excitement?�
�Oh yeah,� Josh smiled back, rolling his eyes. �I brought along my needlework.�
�What�s going on?� Faye asked, her gaze darting between the two. �What are you doing this afternoon?�
�Detention,� said Josh crisply, taking a bite out of his grilled chicken salad. �For drinking on campus.�
�He�s leading me astray,� Scout laughed, exchanging a high-five with Josh. �Better stop him, Faye, before I turn into a groupie.�
�Wow, there�s an unwelcome mental image,� she tilted her head with a small laugh. �Though it�s nice to see you two getting along.�
Josh merely quirked an eyebrow at Scout and took another bite of chicken. Scout grinned back, taking Faye�s hand beneath the table and giving it a small squeeze.
Will, on the other hand, was watching the line at the lunch buffet. �Guys,� he said, his voice subdued.
The others turned in the direction he was looking at. Hamilton was standing unmoving at the head of the line, looking lost in thought. As they watched, the kids behind him began to murmur impatiently and push past, but he remained where he was, staring at the salad bar as though he�d never seen it before.
�What�s the deal with him?� Scout asked, frowning.
�Jake,� Faye answered simply, shaking her head as Hamilton suddenly seemed to snap out of his stupor and, looking around quickly, put down his tray and strode out of the dining hall.
�Poor guy�s really having trouble adjusting,� said Will, turning back to his own lunch with a sigh. �Who knew he�d end up acting like this? I mean, she�s still in town. It�s not like she�s gone to China.�
�It�s probably just a first day back thing,� Faye said, dubiously. �Give him some time.�
***
Edmund High, cafeteria
�How�s your first day going, Jake?� asked Sean as he sat down at Bella and Jake�s table. �Findin� your way around okay?�
�Yeah, it�s cool,� she busied herself with poking the mysterious brownish meat on her lunch tray. �You guys sure this is edible?�
Bella laughed. �No Rawley buffet lunch here, sorry. Better get used to that.�
�It�s actually not bad,� Sean advised. �It tends to get a little rubbery if you chew on it too much, though. Just bite and swallow. Bite and swallow, that�s my motto.�
�Thanks for the tip,� Jake chuckled. �The day�s been pretty good, actually. I just had algebra and it turned out Rawley was a couple of weeks ahead, so I get to sit back and relax for a few�� She trailed off, glancing curiously over her shoulder.
�What is it, Jake?� asked Bella, frowning.
�I dunno,� Jake said slowly, looking at the gaggle of girls who sat a couple of tables over, among them the two from her English class. They were unabashedly looking in Jake�s direction, sniggering amongst themselves. A couple were even pointing fingers her way, evidently not caring about her noticing.
Jake looked back at her friends in confusion. �Do I have food on my face or something?�
Bella fought a grimace when she glanced over. �It�s Katrina Wells and her gang,� she said in a low voice. �Ignore them. They always have something bad to say about everyone.�
�She�s not that bad,� said Sean mildly.
Bella just looked at him. �Do I need to remind you of a little debacle about a year ago at Joe�s party? She told everyone I was sleeping with Scout, Will and you at the same time.�
�I�m not sayin� she doesn�t have her moments,� he shrugged. �But she�s not the antichrist. Maybe you guys are just being paranoid. Why would she be talking about Jake? She doesn�t even know��
�Shh,� Bella interrupted, darting another glance at the other table. �She�s coming over.�
Jake frowned, trying to look nonchalant as a moment later, Katrina and her group of girls made their way to the table. �Hey, Jacqueline, right?� asked Katrina, smiling. �I�m Katrina Wells.�
�Oh, hi,� Jake smiled back, looking up uncertainly.
�So we were, like, wondering something,� Katrina said sweetly, glancing back at her friends. �Something that you might be able to, you know, answer for us.�
�Um,� Jake said, glancing at her friends. �I guess� what do you want to know?�
�Is it true that you pretended to be a guy to go to Rawley Academy?� Katrina asked, feigning wide-eyed innocence. But the girls behind her were already dissolving into derisive giggles. �Cos, you know,� continued Katrina, grinning, �that�s like� freakish.�
The smile faded from Jake�s face. �It�s none of your business,� she said coldly.
�Yeah, why don�t you just leave her alone, Katrina,� interjected Bella, narrowing her eyes.
Katrina shrugged, stepping away from the table with another grin. �Just wanted to check out the sideshow,� she said airily, leading her girls out of the cafeteria. They were still laughing as they disappeared down the hallway.
Bella turned back to Sean with a venomous expression. �She�s �not that bad�, is she?�
�Guess I�ll have to rethink that one,� he shrugged apologetically. �Sorry about that, Jake. I didn�t realise she had it in for you.�
�She doesn�t need to have it in for anybody, that�s the whole problem,� Bella said hotly. �She just likes messing with people. Trust me, the whole school will know before the day is out.�
�Great,� Jake said dryly. �So I guess I�ll be stuck with being �the cross-dressing freak� for the rest of my high school life.�
�Better get used to it,� Sean said in a low voice, looking around them. �Sure looks like Katrina didn�t waste any time.�
Jake frowned, turning around. Indeed, kids at the surrounding tables were already glancing surreptitiously their way, whispering to each other and looking away hastily as their eyes met. �Great,� she muttered again, turning around angrily.
Her gaze fell on one guy, who was sitting alone at the adjacent table, unabashedly looking at her with a semi-amused smile. �So what are you looking at?� she snarled.
He merely raised his eyebrows, looking even more amused at her outburst, before he gave a small shrug and turned back to his lunch.
She stared at him for a moment longer, her sudden anger replaced by one of vague shame. She opened her mouth, wanting to apologise for snapping, but he was already slipping on a pair of headphones and opening a paperback novel, studiously not looking in her direction. With a disgruntled sigh she turned back to her friends.
***
Rawley Academy, staff room
�Hey,� Kathy Bradford, English teacher at the girls� school, touched Finn gently on the shoulder as she sat down next to him, eyeing his lunch with a grin. �Two slices of bread and a piece of ham. That�s one nice sandwich.�
�It�s only the first display of my amazing culinary skills,� he answered, smiling. �Wait until you see my wondrous microwave dinners or pasta-from-a-packet. You�ll be amazed.�
She giggled. �Remind me never to agree to stay in and let you cook for me.�
�Can�t promise anything,� he winked. �What have you got there?�
�Well,� she grinned mischievously, taking a few polystyrene containers out of a plastic bag. �I know you�re not exactly a whiz at the lunch-making, so I took the liberty of dropping by town today and picking up some Chinese for you and me. What do you think? Black bean steak and cashew chicken instead of the deluxe ham sandwich you�ve got there?�
�I have to say, Katherine Bradford,� he said, with admiration. �You really know the way to a man�s��
�Stomach?� she grinned, pushing a take-out carton toward him. �Help yourself.�
He smiled, picking up a pair of chopsticks. Before he could take a bite, however, Kate Fleming ran in the door, looking flustered. �Oh, hi,� she said nervously when she saw the couple on the couch. �Kathy. Um, Finn.�
�Hello,� Finn said stiffly, meeting her eyes for only a moment before he dropped his gaze.
Kathy, on the other hand, smiled cheerfully at the other woman. �We�re having a little impromptu party in here,� she said. �Too much food on hand. Wanna help us out?�
�What?� For a moment Kate looked caught off-guard, before she flashed a quick, apologetic smile. �Oh, no, I�m interrupting. Please� I just had to get�� she grabbed a book from one of the desks. �I gotta go,� she said hurriedly, striding out of the room without so much as a glance over her shoulder.
�Wow,� Kathy stared at the empty doorway, popping a cashew nut in her mouth. �Must be something urgent.�
�Yeah,� Finn said after a pause, staring into his takeout carton. His hunger seemed to have dissipated.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
�Diane Arbus,� said Reese, looking at Hamilton�s portfolio over the boy�s shoulder. �Interesting subject choice, Hamilton.�
�You said we could choose our own artist for the research project,� said Hamilton, sounding a little defensive.
�I did,� said Reese. �And I�m not criticising your choice. But may I ask why you chose her? You had a lot of photographers to choose from, many of whom would be substantially easier to study.� He paused, looking thoughtful, �If only in terms of what you have to look through in order to gain an appreciation for the artist.�
Hamilton glanced at the new teacher. �I guess I identify with alienation right about now.�
Reese gazed at him, taking a few moments before responding. �She�s a good one to study,� he said. �I�m not saying it�ll be easy, but you should be able to get something out of her. Her art� well, it speaks of a lot of things.�
�I know,� said Hamilton, staring down at the portfolio, his eyes a dull blue in the afternoon light.
Reese nodded. �Well, it looks like you�re set. Give me a holler if you need anything.�
He was about to move on to the next student when Hamilton said, hesitantly, �You don�t think I�m weird for choosing her as a topic?�
The teacher turned back, his expression unfathomable. �Why do you say that?�
�Cos it�s Diane Arbus, man. The queen of weird.� Hamilton shrugged. �I just� I don�t want to come off like a freak or anything.�
�I�ll let you in on a little secret,� Reese said quietly, walking back to him with a smile. �When I was about your age, I had a similar research project, and I chose Edvard Munch.�
�The Scream,� Hamilton murmured.
�Among other things,� the teacher smiled. �And let me tell you, staring at that painting for two days straight, trying to analyse the style and content � let�s just say it didn�t do wonders for my sanity.�
Hamilton cracked a small grin. �So��
�It�s good that you chose something you feel like you can relate to,� the teacher said, with a measured look in his direction. �That�s all we ever ask for. I think you will do well in this project.�
Hamilton nodded slowly. �Thanks.�
�Any time,� Reese said with another smile, turning away.
***
Edmund High
Jake peered tentatively into a classroom, gauging her surroundings and wondering if she�d made it to the right place for AP computing. There were a few outdated-looking computers sitting on rickety wooden desks, a far cry from Rawley�s sleek state-of-the-art computer lab. A few students were there already, staking out places before class began. She was about to do the same when she, out of the corner of her eye, caught sight of the guy at whom she�d snapped during lunch. He was sitting slightly apart from the others, at one of the computers off to the side, studying the monitor with what seemed avid interest. Frowning, she made her way over. �Hey,� she said, tapping him on the shoulder.
He glanced up quizzically, taking off his headphones. Up close, she could see that he had hazel-green eyes, a colour akin to her own. �Um,� she said self-consciously. �I know I sort of went off at you at lunch.�
He just looked at her, a hint of amusement creeping into his gaze.
�It wasn�t anything to do with you,� she shrugged. �I guess I was just� bad day, you know. Anyway, I�m sorry.�
He inclined his head slightly.
She narrowed her eyes at him. �Do you actually talk?�
He smiled, shrugging as he turned back to the computer. She stared at him for a moment longer, thrown, before she spread her hands, defeated, and went to find another computer.
Part Four
Rawley Boys� Academy
�Malcolm!� Josh called, hurrying out of class and pushing past the crowds of students in the hallway. �Hey.�
�Hey,� Malcolm said, half-turning and giving him a faint smile.
�So how�ve you been?� Josh asked, falling into step with the other boy, hugging his books to his chest.
�All right,� Malcolm said. �Just came back from a couple of weeks in Aspen with the folks. You?�
�New York,� Josh smiled self-consciously. �Sorting out my �issues�.�
�Ah,� Malcolm chuckled. �And how did that work out for you?�
�Surprisingly well,� Josh said with another smile, glancing at the other boy. �You�re looking at a new man.�
�That�s good to hear,� Malcolm said, giving Josh a sidelong look that seemed simultaneously pleased and wistful.
�Yeah,� Josh said, falling silent as they strode over the grounds toward the dormitory, casting another pondering glance in Malcolm�s direction. �Hey,� he said hesitantly as they came to the entrance steps, placing a hand on Malcolm�s arm. �I know� I know a lot of stuff happened last semester��
On the other side of the doors, Ryder was just about to head out of the dormitory when he heard Josh�s voice. Ducking almost as a matter of instinct, he steered clear of the open door and instead concealed himself beside it, peering out cautiously.
�I know apologising isn�t gonna help,� Josh continued, looking down at his feet. �I treated you terribly and there�s nothing I can do to make it up to you��
�Water under the bridge, Josh,� Malcolm said lightly, though his gaze flickered away. �It�s all in the past. Let�s just both try to move on.�
�What if�� Josh said quietly, after a pause. �What if I don�t want to?�
Ryder, still on the other side of the door, drew a silent intake of breath, his jaw visibly tensing.
There was a palpable lull. �What do you mean?� asked Malcolm.
�Like I said,� Josh�s voice was tinged with melancholy. �I�ve done a lot of �sorting out� lately. Things to put my life back on track. And� I guess a big part of that is��
Malcolm smiled wryly. �A relationship?�
Josh bit his lower lip, looking down again. �You.�
There was another moment of silence. Malcolm exhaled, closing his eyes briefly. Josh peeked up through his lashes, his hopeful expression becoming quickly shadowed with doubt.
Finally, Malcolm sighed, placing a hand on Josh�s shoulder. �Josh,� he said gently, �like you, I�ve been trying to sort out my life these past few months. And like you, I think I figured something out.�
Josh was quiet, his eyes searching over the other boy�s face.
�I understand what you�re running from,� said Malcolm, swallowing. �I understand how sometimes what you want isn�t what you get; I think I understand that better than most people. Please,� he added quickly when Josh opened his mouth. �Let me finish.�
Josh fell silent again, a faint blush creeping across the top of his cheekbones.
�I�m just saying,� Malcolm continued. �Sometimes what we want isn�t what�s good for us, you know? I think we both found that out the hard way.�
�You see everything, don�t you,� murmured Josh, dropping his gaze. �God, I feel like such an idiot.�
Malcolm didn�t answer for a long while. Ryder, still on the other side of the door, leaned back against the smooth wood, looking as though he didn�t know what to do with himself.
�I just don�t want to go through that again,� Malcolm said finally, with a measured look in Josh�s direction. �You can understand that, can�t you? When you decide it�s time to move on, you actually try to, well, move on.�
Josh nodded slowly. �I�m sorry,� he said, looking away.
�I think we�ve done enough apologising,� said Malcolm. He stared at Josh for a moment longer before he leaned forward, planting a quick kiss on Josh�s cheek. �I�ll see you later,� he said with a smile.
Josh nodded, watching the other boy stride into the dormitory. Emitting a weary sigh, he turned around and walked back out over the lawn, his boots crunching over the frost-encrusted grass.
Ryder, who had pressed himself to the wall as Malcolm passed, also looked thoughtful as he emerged in the doorway, watching Josh fade from sight.
***
Edmund High
The bell rang, signalling the end of school. Jake took one last look at her onscreen display, one corner of her lips curling up in amusement: if this was the level of difficulty they were setting for AP computing, she was going to rule this class.
With a small grin she got to her feet, only to jump back when she came face to face with the guy she�d tried to talk to earlier. �What are you doing?� she demanded, pressing a hand over her chest. �You scared the crap out of me. How long have you been standing there?�
The amused smile was still playing about his lips as he raised an eyebrow, glancing back at her computer.
�I forgot,� she rolled her eyes, picking up her bag and walking around him. �You�re the one with his tongue surgically removed. Well, I hope you have fun staring at the monitor.�
She was halfway out the door when he spoke.
�Nice work.�
She turned around. �You talking to me now?�
He shrugged, looking amused again. �It�s some good programming you did back here. The overriding command after the boolean loop - it was cute. Clever, too.�
�Really,� she said dryly. �Thanks for your expert opinion.�
�You sound displeased,� he said, picking up his book bag and heading out the door. �It was a compliment, you know.�
She followed him. �Condescending, you mean.�
He smiled faintly. �Maybe just a little.�
�How do you know I�m not better than you?�
He looked askance at her as they walked down the hallway, across to the main entrance. �Are you?�
�Maybe just a little,� she said, mimicking his tone.
He laughed. �Is that a challenge?�
They came to a stop at the doors. The sun caught his eyes, flecking them with gold-green, and he gave her a sidelong smile. To her mild chagrin, she could feel herself returning the smile reluctantly. �I guess we�ll see,� she said.
�See you in class, then,� he said, slinging his bag over one shoulder and walking away with a careless wave, leaving her staring after him.
�So who are we looking at?� Bella�s voice piped up from behind one shoulder, sounding curious.
At the same time, Sean�s voice came from Jake�s other shoulder. �Guess we made a new friend.�
Jake gasped and whirled around. �Jesus, guys, give me a heart attack or something!�
�Sorry,� her friends grinned in unison, guiding her out the door. �So, how�s the first day?� asked Bella, linking arms with the other girl. �Made it through okay?�
�Surprisingly painless,� Jake laughed. �Didn�t suck.�
�So I see you�ve made friends with Harrison,� Sean said, squinting into the distance.
Jake glanced at him. �Harrison?�
�Spencer Harrison,� he replied. �He�s a senior, doesn�t really run with the school crowd. How�d you guys end up buddies?�
�We�re not buddies,� she rolled her eyes. �He insulted me on my programming. Guy�s so weird.�
�Yeah, he is,� Bella agreed, looking quizzically at the boy in the distance. �And maybe it�s not a bad thing, you two not being friends. Katrina�s been crushing on him for years, you know. He wouldn�t give her the time of day. It�d just give her another reason to hate you.�
�He wouldn�t date her?� Jake chuckled, shaking her head. �Well, at least I know he has good taste.�
�Speaking of taste,� Sean interjected. �I�m starving. Burgers, anyone?�
�Yes please,� Bella sighed happily as they headed toward town, Jake throwing another glance over her shoulder as she went.
***
Faye and Paige�s room
�So,� Faye said as she let herself and Scout into the room, �here endeth the first day back at school.�
�Yup,� he glanced around. �So where�s Paige? Haven�t seen her around all day.�
�Still on her skiing trip,� she opened a window and took a deep breath, closing her eyes to the pale afternoon sunlight. �Evidently her parents aren�t too worried about her missing the first few days of our quality American education.�
�Good news to me,� he murmured, coming up behind her and placing his chin on her shoulder.
She smiled, opening her eyes slowly. �Yeah? Why�s that?�
�You even have to ask?� His breath was warm and ticklish beside her cheek.
With another coquettish smile, she turned to face him. �I can�t imagine why you�d be glad Paige isn�t here.�
�Funny�� he murmured, closing the gap between them, brushing back her hair with one hand. She leaned toward him, closing her eyes.
Just before their lips touched, however, there came the sound of the doorknob rattling. Scout turned just in time to see Josh poke his head into his room and, eyes widening at the sight before him, withdraw hastily back into the hallway. The door closed with a click.
Scout turned back to Faye with a small, self-conscious laugh. �Uh��
�Yeah,� she chuckled, stepping away from the windowsill. �It�s okay, Josh,� she called. �You can come in now; moment�s ruined.�
The door opened again, and Josh tentatively peered in. �Sorry,� he said sheepishly. �You sure it�s non-reparable? Cos I can wait out here.�
�Thanks for the offer,� she laughed. �But we�ll pass this time. What are you doing here, anyway?�
�Detention, remember?� Josh grinned at Scout. �Thought I�d find you here, man. And� sorry.�
�It�s okay,� Scout chuckled as he walked Josh to the door. �Exciting afternoon of sitting ahead of us. Come on or we�re gonna be late. See ya, Faye.�
She waved them out with another laugh, shaking her head in amusement.
***
The diner
�Hey,� Hamilton exclaimed as Jake, Bella and Sean entered the diner, jumping to his feet and rushing to Jake�s side. �I missed you,� he said, wrapping his arms around her and planting a kiss on her cheek. �How was Edmund?�
�It was good,� she replied with a smile, kissing him on the lips. �I missed you too, though.�
He pressed his forehead to hers. �At least school�s over for the day. I have you all to myself now.�
She kissed him again, ruffling his hair playfully.
�Geez, get a room already,� Sean said with an indulgent grin, slipping into the corner booth with Bella.
�I know what you mean,� laughed Will as he emerged from the kitchen, tying his apron as he walked over. �Is this what we have to put up with every afternoon from now?�
�Shut up, you guys,� murmured Hamilton, kissing Jake again, brushing her hair away from her face. �I�m so glad you�re still here,� he said softly. �I don�t know what I would have done if you weren�t here� I mean in town��
�I�m here,� she chuckled. �I�m not going anywhere��
�Oh, for god�s sake,� said Ryder irritably as he walked in the door. �Do you mind? This is a public place. Save us all a bit of decency, would you?�
�Ryder,� Hamilton sighed, turning to the other boy. �Just can�t stand to see anybody happy, can you?�
�Yeah, like you�re so happy having your little girlfriend kicked out of school. Well, well,� Ryder smirked, turning to Jake. �So we meet at last, Jacqueline.�
She rolled her eyes. �You met me before, Ryder. We went to school together, remember?�
�Does no one appreciate dramatic sarcasm here?� he said dryly.
�Apparently not,� Jake retorted with a fake, sweet smile.
�Your loss,� he smirked again, brushing past her toward the booth at the back. �Nice talking to you, Jacqueline.�
�Wish I could say the same,� she said loudly as she and Hamilton took their seats. �Hamilton,� she said a moment later, after Will had taken their orders. �What are you doing?�
He had one arm wrapped tightly around her waist, and although the booth was big enough to fit four people easily, he had slipped in so close that she was in danger of being squeezed off her seat altogether. Bella and Sean shared an amused glance, turning away lest their smirks show. Hamilton, on the other hand, merely looked puzzled. �I just missed you so much,� he said, kissing her again on the temple.
�That�s� great,� she said, with difficulty. �I missed you too� but Hamilton, I think you�re cutting off my circulation��
Sean snorted with laughter, which he was quick to cover with a cough. Hamilton glanced at him, his expression equal parts suspicion and sheepishness. �Sorry,� he said to Jake, sliding away slightly. But his arm remained wrapped around her waist, clutching the rough fabric of her corduroy jacket like it were a lifeline.
�I�m not going anywhere, Hamilton,� she said, looking a little exasperated. �You don�t need to hold on so tight.�
He glanced at her, hurt. �I thought you�d be happy finally being with me after��
�What, like, six hours apart?� quipped Sean, laughing. One disgruntled look from Hamilton, however, quietened him immediately. He cast a glance at Bella, looking simultaneously contrite and puzzled.
�Hey, um,� Bella said quickly, grabbing Sean by the sleeve. �We�re just gonna� check on Will�� Without further preamble she slid out of the booth, dragging Sean with her. �Come on,� she said under her breath. �I don�t know if they�re gonna be fighting or kissing in a minute, and I don�t really wanna stick around to find out.�
�My thoughts exactly,� he said with a small roll of the eyes as they walked toward the counter, positioning themselves as far from the booth as possible.
Jake and Hamilton hardly noticed their absence. �I am, Hamilton,� Jake said, shrugging away from his grasp. �It�s just� you�re killing me with your death grip today. What�s going on?�
�What do you mean what�s going on?� he furrowed his brows. �I miss you, isn�t that enough?�
�I miss you too,� she said impatiently. �Doesn�t mean I�ve become Hamilton superglue.�
�So what,� he demanded. �You don�t want me to be close to you?�
�That�s not what I meant,� she sighed. �It�s just� weird. Why are you acting like this?�
�Acting like what?� he exclaimed in frustration, realising too late that he�d spoken very loudly, and that all eyes in the diner were turned toward them, including those of Ryder, who was looking like all his Christmases have come at once.
�Come on,� Jake said with a sigh, grabbing him by the arm. �Let�s get outta here and go back to my place. At least we�ll have some privacy.�
�Yeah,� he muttered darkly as she dragged him out of the booth. �Like that�s an incentive if you don�t even want me touching you.�
She looked at him as if he were crazy, opened her mouth, but closed it again. �Not here,� she hissed, waving a quick goodbye to Bella and Sean before she yanked him out of the diner, setting out toward Susan�s house. He followed on her heels, his expression stormy.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
A letter was waiting under Will�s door when he got back from his afternoon shift. Preoccupied with a stain on his diner shirt, he didn�t even notice the New York Times insignia until he was inside his room. �Oh my god,� he muttered to himself, ripping the envelope open so quickly he nearly gave himself a papercut. �Please please please�� he muttered under his breath, unfolding the letter, his heart thudding against his ribcage like that of a frightened animal.
Dear William,
Thank you for attending a viva voce examination with the New York Times for the upcoming summer internship session. Our candidates this year were of an exceptional and uniformly high calibre. The interview team enjoyed meeting with you, and were most impressed with your academic and social achievements to date.
However, we regret to inform you that we will not be offering you an internship position this year�
It felt as though all the air had been sucked out of him. His hand dropped limply to his side, and he walked over to the window without quite noticing what he was even doing. The late-afternoon sun was casting its last burnt-amber rays across the grounds, throwing elongated shadows over the lawn. He looked down, swallowing the sudden lump in his throat.
Suddenly, he looked up again, a strange expression crossing his eyes. Turning abruptly, he walked out the door, closing it behind him with a careful click.
***
Faye and Paige�s room
�Will!� Faye exclaimed when she answered her door. �What�s up? You look horrible.�
�New York Times,� he said wearily, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning against the doorframe. �Internship.�
�Oh,� she said, looking suddenly ill at ease. �You wanna� come in?�
�You got it, didn�t you?�
She was silent for a moment, not meeting his eyes. �Look, Will,� she said finally. �I�m sorry it didn�t work out for you.�
�Yeah, me too,� he said heavily as he walked into the room. She gestured at her blow-up sofa and he sank into it, looking as though his knees had given out. �I just thought I had a good chance, you know?�
�You did,� she said emphatically as she sat down on her bed. �I know you did. You�re Will Krudski, for god�s sake.�
�Somehow that doesn�t mean much right now,� he managed a wry smile.
�Don�t start doubting yourself just because some corporate bigwigs decided you weren�t their first choice,� she said softly. �It�s not worth it.�
�You can talk. You got the placing.�
�Yeah,� she sighed. �I know it�s bound to ring a little hollow right now. But I�m serious about the self-doubt thing. You can�t be the best for everybody all the time, you know? You�ve got to learn to pick your battles; make the necessary adjustments to just be happy with who you are and what you�ve got.�
�At the moment I�m really not sure if I�ve got anything to offer,� he said quietly, looking down at his hands.
�Are you kidding me?� she demanded, leaning forward. �Will, don�t do this. No one should be able to make you doubt your self-worth this much. Not a girl, not a teacher, not the freaking New York Times. You�re a great student, you�re a hard worker, and you�re the most responsible guy I know. All that�s gonna make you rich and famous one day and you should know that.�
He cracked a smile. �You really think so?�
�I know it,� she said, bounding up. �Come on, let�s go get dinner. I�m starving.�
�You�re always starving,� he laughed as he let her pull him to his feet, following her out the door.
Part Five
Susan Krudski�s house
�Okay, what the hell was that back there?� demanded Jake as she stormed into her room with Hamilton on her heels, firmly closing the door behind him.
He slumped down on her bed. �I dunno.�
�Hamilton,� she said as she knelt down in front of him, gazing intently into his eyes. �Talk to me. What�s going on?�
He lifted his head. �Why don�t you want me touching you? I was just glad to see you, Jake, I don�t understand why you keep pushing me away��
�It�s not that,� she said, frustrated. �I wasn�t �pushing you away�. I just� like Sean said, we haven�t seen each other in like six hours, it�s not that big a deal.�
�It is a big deal!� he exclaimed. �You�re starting a new school, and you�re not living in Rawley anymore, and I dunno how that�s gonna change things, and my parents are on my case about not letting you affect my schoolwork��
�What about it?� she asked, frowning. �What did your parents say?�
�It�s not important,� he shook his head, looking away. �I just� I thought I could handle this better, Jake. You seem to be able to. But� I couldn�t concentrate all day. All I can think about is you, and how you�re not there with me.�
�Hamilton�� she murmured, touching his cheek. �I�m still right here, why can�t you��
�It�s not the same,� he interrupted.. �It�s not. And I know I�m being an ass about it but I just missed you so much today, but when I see you at the diner it�s like you didn�t even miss me at all��
�Of course I did!� she exclaimed. �Is that why you�re being so weird? God, Hamilton, I missed you, okay? Why won�t you believe that?�
�You don�t act like it,� he said sullenly. �You come in with Bella and Sean and you�re laughing and talking and it seems like you�ve already settled into this new life of yours��
�I don�t understand why that�s a bad thing,� she said softly.
He didn�t say anything for a long time, staring out the window at the setting sun. She gazed at him, grasping his hand and at a complete loss for words.
�I feel like I�m not needed,� he said finally. �Like you can be without me and be fine about it. I need you, Jake; that became so clear today. And I guess I just hoped� I thought you were the same. But then you come in the diner and you�re acting like it�s just another day and�� he sighed, frustrated. �I know I sound crazy. I know I�m supposed to be supportive with this whole thing and I shouldn�t be making you feel bad, but��
�Shh,� she whispered, sitting down beside him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. �Hamilton, I��
He waited, turning to her with a hopeful look in his eyes. She looked back, and could not find any words that could console him. �Come here,� she murmured, kissing him softly. �I�m right here.�
He kissed her back, tentatively at first, and then more insistently, easing her down toward the bed, positioning his body over hers. She tilted her head back as she felt his lips travel down her neck; she ran her fingers through his hair, and closed her eyes.
***
Finn�s Office
�We have to talk,� announced Kate as she barged in without knocking.
Finn glanced up from his desk, barely holding back a sigh when he saw her framed in the doorway. �Come in,� he said belatedly as she closed the door behind her.
�What the hell was that last night, Finn?� she demanded, striding up to his desk.
�Why don�t you tell me?� he replied, getting to his feet. �I distinctly remember two people being involved in that exchange, Kate.�
�I can�t have this, okay?� she exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air. �We can�t� we can�t go down this road again, dammit!�
�I�m aware of that,� he said through gritted teeth. �But what�s done is done, Kate, and��
�It was all your fault!� she cried. �I told you things would get out of hand and you wouldn�t let go� you wouldn�t accept that we�re not ready to do the �friends� thing��
�Look, I�m sorry about that, okay?� he rubbed his face wearily. �Can�t we just go away and forget about it?�
�So that�s your solution, is it?� she demanded. �Just look the other way and ignore it?�
�What else do you want me to do, Kate?� he asked. �It was a moment of weakness; we both know it can�t happen again. It won�t.�
�I hope you�re right, Finn,� she said softly.
�It was just the circumstances talking,� he said. �Starting school again, your problems at home� we�re having trouble adjusting; it didn�t mean anything.�
She swallowed and looked away, pressing a hand against her cheek.
�It didn�t mean anything,� he repeated, staring at her. �Right?�
�I�� she whispered, closing her eyes. �Of course not.�
�Then why don�t I believe you?�
�What do you want me to say, Finn?� she exclaimed, turning back toward him, angry red spots flaring on her cheeks. �We can�t do this, that�s the start and end of it. Nothing else matters.�
He stared at her, licking his dry lips. She stared back for just a moment before she dropped her gaze once more.
�Things are that bad at home, Kate?�
Her gaze flickered upward, and she looked inordinately startled. �Wh� what?�
�We know each other too well to play this game,� he sighed heavily, turning toward the window. �You know what I�m getting at. You only� � He sighed again, cutting himself off. �What I mean is, we always seem to find ourselves in this situation when things are especially hard with��
�My family,� she finished softly, looking away.
He was still staring out the window. �Yeah.�
�I�m sorry,� she said after a long pause.
He didn�t answer, nor did he turn around.
�I know you and, um, Kathy are dating,� she murmured. �It�s none of my business. And I shouldn�t have come. I�d better��
She paused for another moment, and when he did not react, turned to go. It wasn�t until her hand was on the door handle when he finally spoke, with his back still turned.
�I�ve been trying to get over you for years, Kate.�
She swallowed. �I know.�
�And Kathy� she�s great. She�s intelligent and kind and funny, and��
�Young,� she finished for him, with a wry smile. �And pretty.�
�It�s not about that, Kate.�
�It always is,� she smiled sadly. �A little bit. I�m not trying to imply anything. She�s a great woman. You two can be happy together.�
�I think we can,� he murmured, turning to face her. �That�s not nothing, Kate.�
�I know,� she whispered. �And I�m sorry for� I�m sorry it had to come to this, again.�
�We�re at a crossroads, Kate,� he said tiredly. �We�re all adjusting to new things. Sometimes it just seems easier to fall back into the old life.�
�I know,� she said, turning back to the door without another look in his direction. �I�ll see you around, Finn.�
�Goodbye,� he murmured as the door closed behind her.
***
Dining Hall
�Hey guys,� Scout announced as he and Josh swooped down on Will and Faye�s table. �What�s up?�
�Just trying to convince Shakespeare here that he�s not a useless piece of crap that no one will ever want to employ,� Faye said cheerfully.
�Thanks, Faye,� said Will, laughing.
�Any time,� she popped a piece of broccoli in her mouth and continued talking. �So detention�s finished, huh?�
�Manners, young lady,� Josh said with a mock grimace as he mimed clapping a hand over her mouth. �Chewed-up greens not a good look for you.�
She swallowed and stuck her tongue out at him. He made a face back, slipping into the seat next to Will. �I�m starving,� he announced, taking a bite out of his chicken sushi. �Detention really takes it out of ya.�
�Now who�s the one without manners?� she cried indignantly. He only made another face.
�Yeah, all that sitting around and doing homework,� Scout chuckled, taking the seat next to Faye. �It�s amazing we�re still alive and breathing. So what�s this about Will being a piece of worthless crap?�
�Again, thanks,� Will said, rolling his eyes.
�You�re welcome, buddy,� Scout laughed. �Seriously though, what�s up?�
�Faye beat me to the newspaper internship,� Will shrugged.
�Oh. Well, I guess� congratulations to you,� Scout planted a quick kiss on Faye�s cheek before he turned back to Will. �And bad luck, man. You�ll do better next time.�
�Don�t let the bastards grind you down,� said Josh, dousing his sushi with copious amounts of wasabi.
�Pretty much what Faye�s been saying for the past hour,� Will said with a small grin.
�She�s a wise woman,� Scout gave her a sideways smile.
Josh and Will shared a significant look, which didn�t go unnoticed. �What�s that?� asked Scout suspiciously.
The others merely smirked, turning back to their food. Scout raised an eyebrow at Faye, looking perplexed.
�They think it�s sweet that you think so highly of me,� she said mildly, stealing a piece of sushi off his plate.
�Yeah, real sweet,� snorted Will. �Sickening, in fact.�
�Positively nauseating,� Josh piped up, grinning at Scout.
�Whatever, dudes,� Scout laughed, cramming a whole piece of sushi into his mouth and attempting to talk through it. �I�m the one with a hot date tomorrow night��
�Manners, Scout!� the others exclaimed in unison, bursting into laughter.
***
Jake�s room
The light outside had faded completely, casting the room into misty darkness. Jake and Hamilton lay on the bed, sprawled underneath the covers, her head resting on his shoulder.
�How are you feeling now?� she murmured. �Still upset?�
�Not so much,� he smiled sheepishly. �I�m sorry I got so uptight about this whole thing. I guess I was just� stressed.�
�Not so stressed anymore?� she grinned, kissing him softly before getting up, wrapping a sheet around herself as she gathered her clothes from the floor.
�Funny how some things can do that,� he chuckled low in his throat, catching his jeans as she tossed them over. �I guess I just needed some alone time with you.�
She buttoned up her shirt, looking as though she were about to say something when a voice out on the stairwell interrupted. �Jacqueline,� Susan Krudski called, �Reese, dinner�s ready.�
�Coming, Mrs. Krudski,� called Jake, quickly getting dressed and giving herself a once-over in the mirror.
�I guess that�s my cue to go home,� said Hamilton, putting his clothes on with markedly less enthusiasm.
�I don�t think Susan�s gonna mind if you stay,� Jake stepped up to him, wrapping her arms around his waist with a smile. �She cooks enough food for a small army.�
�I wish I could,� he said regretfully. �But mom�s cooking tonight. She kinda takes it as a personal insult if I let somebody else feed me.�
�Yeah, I know,� she chuckled. �Better not keep her waiting.�
He kissed her, and then again, deeper this time. �God,� he murmured. �I wish I didn�t have to go. See, this is the part where it sucks that we�re not living in the same place anymore.�
�Don�t be so melodramatic,� she chuckled, taking his hand and leading the way out of the room.
He kissed her again on the stairwell. �See you tomorrow after school?�
�Definitely,� she promised, and they shared another brief kiss before he finally broke away, heading down the stairs and saying a quick hello to Reese as he went. Jake watched him go with a smile.
But there was also a trace of uncertainly in her eyes, the slightest hint of discontent.
***
Edmund High
Friday morning dawned overcast and rather gloomy, and the atmosphere at Edmund was one of restlessness and general back-to-school tedium. �What have you got now?� asked Bella as she and Jake pushed through the crowds in the hall.
�English,� said Jake, checking her timetable. �We don�t have any classes together until after lunch.�
�Well, this is my stop,� said Bella, coming to a stop and checking her watch. �So I guess I�ll see you at lunch, Jake.�
Jake didn�t get around to answering before an incredulous voice spoke up from behind her. �Jake? Oh my god, are you serious?�
They swirled around to see Katrina, who had stopped with a couple of her girlfriends. �Oh, that�s beyond disturbing,� she drawled, placing her hands on her hips. �You really are the queen of freaks, aren�t you, Jake? Do you, like, have a whole new personality to go with this guy thing? Do you have to put on a new voice or something? Can we hear it? Oh my god,� she giggled. �Do you have to stuff socks down your jeans like the girl in that movie? I bet you do. God, that�s so fucked up.�
�Katrina,� Bella said icily, �you�re being a real bitch, you know that?�
Katrina shot her a superior look. �Beats being a freak.�
�Don�t sink to her level, Bella,� Jake said coolly as she walked away. �I�ll see you at lunch.�
�What, you two have a date or something? That�s so cute.� Katrina called behind her, laughing. �Hey,� she exclaimed, her tone changing abruptly and taking on honeyed tones, �Spencer, how are you?�
Jake couldn�t help glancing over her shoulder. Katrina had latched herself onto the arm of none other than the boy from computer class, Spencer Harrison, looking up at him through lowered lashes. �Haven�t seen you around lately,� she drawled. �Busy with something?�
�Uh,� he said, looking a little startled. �I�m fine. Katrina, I�ve gotta��
�So did you hear what Bella called the new girl?� Katrina interrupted, eyeing Jake, who merely rolled her eyes, turned, and kept walking.
�God, just grow up,� Bella muttered, shooting Katrina a venomous look before disappearing into her classroom.
Katrina was unfazed. �She called her Jake,� she said gleefully, grinning up at Spencer. �She�s got like a whole alter ego thing going. You�ve heard about her getting kicked out of Rawley Boys�, right? Isn�t that the twistedest thing you�ve heard?�
Spencer made a vague, non-committal noise as he looked toward Jake�s retreating figure, a small smile floating to his lips.
�Anyway, I was wondering if you have any plans this weekend?� Katrina asked coyly. �Cos Jason�s got this party planned and it�s supposed to be kickass, you know. Invitations only, too, none of the freaks will be showing up, I can guarantee you that��
�Most twisted,� Spencer interrupted her, still staring into the thick of the crowd.
She frowned. �What?�
�There�s no such word as �twistedest�,� he said mildly, tossing her another smile as he walked off. �Bye, Katrina.�
She stared after him, perplexed.
***
Rawley Academy, dining hall
�Oh my god,� moaned Hamilton as he approached his friends� lunch table, pretending to shield his eyes. �Can we please not? This is getting disgusting, guys.�
�Trust me,� said Will dryly, scooting over to make room, �if they�re not gonna listen to me, they�re not gonna listen to you.�
�What?� asked Scout defensively, pulling back from whispering in Faye�s ear. �We were just talking.�
�Could have fooled us,� grumbled Josh, not looking up from his lunch. �I don�t remember you guys being so big on the PDA the first time you got together.�
�Then I guess your long-term memory must have been damaged by all the sex, drugs and rock�n�roll,� Faye answered cheerfully, turning back to her own lunch. �Cos I�m sure we had this conversation last time, too. Hi Hamilton.�
�Hey,� Hamilton chuckled, sliding into his seat. �Hi guys,� he added, a little belatedly, glancing at Josh out of the corner of his eye. The other boy merely nodded in his direction, not meeting his gaze.
�So the big charity ball tonight, huh?� Will asked with a good-natured smirk. �Have fun, you guys.�
�Why is he talking in that shady voice of his?� Scout asked the table at large, feigning innocence.
�Cos you�ve got a hot date,� deadpanned Josh. �Who you get to go to school with and be disgustingly cute over lunch with. The rest of us got nothing.�
�That�s kinda sad,� Faye chuckled. �I thought you and Malcolm were getting back together?�
�Don�t even go there,� Josh shook his head. �I think we�re just doomed to being loveless in high school.�
�Sounds about right,� Will said with a small laugh, patting Hamilton on the back. �How are you holding up, Ham? Adjusted to the state of things?�
�You mean the Jake-less state of things?� Hamilton said gloomily, contemplating his tuna sandwich. �All right, I guess. At least I get to see her after school.�
Josh glanced up thoughtfully, but withdrew his gaze before it locked with Hamilton�s. Meanwhile, Scout had leaned toward Faye again, whispering something in her ear with a slow smile. The others shook their heads, rolling their eyes in unison as they went back to their lunches.
***
The diner
�Gig in a couple of weeks for Edmund�s charity fundraiser thing,� Josh announced at the diner after school. �I figure we�ll have enough time to throw a couple of new songs into the set list.�
The members of Amnesia were gathered in the corner booth for a pre-rehearsal snack, Bella and Emily with chocolate milkshakes and Alex munching on a plate of fries. �Sounds good,� Alex said absently, pushing his plate in the other boy�s direction. �You sure you don�t want some, Joshua? You�re eating now, so soak up the salty goodness.�
Josh gave him a look. �I�m recovering from an eating disorder, not stupid. Do you know how much fat is in that? You�re gonna die of a heart attack before you�re thirty.�
�At least I�m gonna die fat and happy,� Alex smirked and swatted away Bella�s hand as she tried to steal a fry. �Hey, offer only good to the undernourished.�
�The true definition of charity,� she said dryly, turning to rummage through her backpack. �I finally got the video!� she announced, sliding a CD case onto the counter. �David�s still editing some minor details, but we�ve got a working version.�
�Sweet,� Emily and Alex said in unison, examining the disc with avid interest. �Have you seen it yet?� asked Emily.
Bella shook her head with a smile. �It only plays on a computer, and I pretty much suck at anything computer-related. I was thinking we could premiere it, you know? With a bunch of friends and stuff? That�d be fun. Jake can hook it up to the TV.�
�How is Jake, anyway?� Josh asked, taking a sip of coffee and looking surreptitiously over the rim of his cup.
Bella hid a grin at his apparent attempt at disinterest. �She�s settling in okay,� she said lightly. �Kinda misses her Rawley friends, though.�
He raised his eyebrows, but did not comment.
�That sounds so fun,� Emily said enthusiastically. �Let�s totally do that.�
�All right,� Josh said, casually setting down his coffee cup. �Let�s do that, then. Bella, can you maybe arrange it with the others and get Jake to hook the TV up?�
She smiled. �Sure.�
He smiled back, looking as though he were about to say something when the door opened. Sean and Ryder walked in, followed by Leah Rickard, a Rawley girl who was known as something of an Amnesia groupie. �Hey guys!� she exclaimed happily when she spotted the band, bounding over. �How�s things?�
�Hey,� Josh said absently, glancing at Ryder as the other boy headed toward the back booth. Ryder didn�t look in his direction.
�All right, I�m done,� announced Alex, pushing away his empty plate. �Let�s jam. You wanna hang with us at rehearsal, Leah?�
�Sure,� she grinned, glancing at Josh as the rest of the band trooped out of the booth. �You coming?�
�You guys get set up, we�ll be just a sec,� Josh said to the others, taking Leah by the arm. �Hey,� he said, lowering his voice, �can I talk to you for a minute?�
She nodded, mystified, as the rest of the band filed out of the diner and across the street to Bella�s house. �What�s up, Josh?�
He took a moment before answering, his gaze darting again to the back booth. �Hey, um,� he said hesitantly. �Do you� maybe wanna� go see a movie sometime or something?�
She stared at him. �You mean, sort of like on a date?�
�Um, yeah, sort of,� he looked distinctly uncomfortable. �I mean, exactly like a date, in fact.�
�Oh,� she said, her eyes widening. �Oh.�
He reddened. �I mean, if you want to��
�Sure!� she exclaimed before he could finish his sentence. �I mean� yeah, that�d be�� she smiled bashfully. �That�d be great, Josh.�
�Uh,� he smiled back, �� good. Um� like, maybe next weekend?�
�Next weekend, yeah, great.�
They stared at each other, and there was a moment of awkward silence. �Well,� he said self-consciously. �Cool. I�ll� um, call you or� catch up later, or something. We, uh, we better get to practice.�
�Yeah�� she murmured, stepping out of the diner, still looking rather stunned.
He followed, but as the glass door swung shut behind him he looked over his shoulder, at the familiar blond figure at the back of the diner, who was still resolutely not looking his way.
***
Faye and Paige�s room
The sun was fading to an indistinct orange glow on the horizon when Faye teetered up to the mirror and examined her reflection. She was wearing a slinky red satin gown and a matching shade of lipstick, which offset her platinum hair. A knock sounded and she hurried to answer it, nearly falling over her four-inch heels. �Hey,� she said as she opened the door, revealing a tuxedo-clad Scout on the threshold. �You�re right on time. Come in. I�ve just gotta get my purse��
She hurried back into the room and grabbed a red satin evening bag off the dresser. �So how long�� she began, only to trail off as she turned around and realised that he was still standing in the doorway with his mouth hanging open. �What?�
He blinked. �Uh, nothing. I mean� you look hot.�
She smiled coyly. �Yeah?�
�Yeah,� he murmured, stepping into the room, still staring. �That�s one tight dress.�
She raised an eyebrow at him, and his face turned a shade not dissimilar to her gown. �Did I say �tight�?� he said quickly. �I meant� it� uh� fits� good.�
�Nice try,� she laughed. �Come on, we better go or we�d be late.�
�Not trying for a fashionable entrance?� he asked as she linked arms with him and headed to the door.
She glanced at him with a teasing grin. �I�m sure with my tight dress, I�ll be plenty fashionable anyway.�
�You�re not gonna let me forget that, are you?� he groaned.
Her laughter floated down the hall as the door closed behind them. �Not likely��
Part Six
New Rawley
Night had fallen as Jake and Hamilton walked slowly back to Susan Krudski�s house, their gloved hands intertwined. The moon was a pale sliver overhead, seemingly making the chill night air even colder with its thin silver glow.
�So,� he murmured as they neared the house. �This is the way things are gonna be from now? We go to different schools, and don�t get to see each other during the day, and��
�Hamilton,� she said, and there was a trace of irritation to her voice. �Do we have to do this every day? I thought you�re starting to be okay with it.�
�Don�t get me wrong,� he turned to face her as they paused at the porch steps. �I think this is the best thing that could have happened, considering. But�� he glanced away. �I just wish you were still at Rawley.�
She sighed as she kissed him softly. �I�m not going anywhere, you know. I�m still here. You can visit whenever you want.�
�I know,� he murmured. �And I�m trying to be happy about it, and I�m trying to adjust, Jake. But it�s just� it�s just not��
�The same, I know,� she sighed again, pressing her lips to his temple as she drew him into a hug. �We�ll get used to it, though. And isn�t this kinda better? I mean� I can finally wear skirts again. And you can finally stop pretending you�re gay��
�Didn�t stop Ryder from picking on us,� he grumbled. �And the guys from REACH still aren�t talking to me.�
She looked at him, a little frustrated. �We�re doing the best we can, Hamilton.�
�I know,� he glanced up, contrite. �I�m sorry I�m so�� he sighed. �It�s just hard, getting used to everything. And you know what the hardest thing is? That you just seem to be perfectly okay with it while I�m here, struggling to get through every day��
�Listen to me,� she said quietly. �It�s not easy for me either, okay? There�s this girl in school, this real bitch, who keeps calling me a freak every time she sees me. I��
�What?� he demanded. �Why didn�t you say anything earlier?�
She looked at him. �What could you have done, Hamilton?�
�But,� he furrowed his brows, �you should�ve told me. Why didn�t you tell me? I should have been there for you. Is she still doing it?�
�It�s not important,� she shook her head impatiently. �I�m just saying we�re both settling into this, okay? It�s not just you. The difference is I�m actually trying to make it work.�
He stared at her, his gaze hardening in the dim light. �So you don�t think I�m trying. Jake, this isn�t about that.�
�I didn�t say you weren�t trying,� she replied, exasperated. �Look, it�s hard for both of us, okay?�
�But why don�t you tell me about these things?� he demanded. �Don�t you get it? It�s not just about us not settling in; it�s about need. I need you, Jake; and I need you to need me. If this girl�s picking on you at school, if you�re having problems, then I want you to tell me. I need you to tell me. Don�t keep things to yourself.�
She stared at him. �I can�t tell you everything, Hamilton.�
�How about anything?� he asked, his voice dropping. �God, Jake, it�s so hard, feeling like I need you all the time and seeing you act like you�re all right with everything; I can�t handle that. Please talk to me.�
�I don�t know what you want me to say!� she exclaimed. �This is the way I am, Hamilton, you know that! I deal with things and I move on! I don�t need you to worry about it for me!�
�You mean you don�t need me, period,� he said dully, dropping his gaze.
�That�s not what I said.�
�It�s what you meant, though,� he murmured. �It�s the way you are, Jake. You�re so independent - you take care of everything yourself. I guess that�s one of the things that made me fall in love with you.�
�But?� she prompted, fighting the urge to fold her arms across her chest.
He glanced up at her, his gaze miserable in the moonlight.
�But I never realised how that can make me feel when you�re not with me.�
�God, Hamilton,� she said after a pause, blinking. �I can�t help it.�
�I know,� he whispered, pressing his forehead to hers. �I know. I don�t want you to change, either. This is me; I just have to get over it. I will, I promise.�
She drew a shuddering intake of breath, kissing him again. �We�ll make it work,� she murmured against his lips.
He kissed her back. �We always do.�
***
The gas station
�See you guys later,� called Bella as the others trickled out the door after band practice, Emily and Alex back to the bed and breakfast they�d been staying at, and Josh and Leah back to Rawley. Closing the door with a smile, she went to clean up the lounge area, putting away spare leads and pushing the drum kit further into the corner.
�You guys are sounding pretty good,� said Grace Banks, bounding down the stairs.
�I just wish it didn�t have to be inside,� said Charlie, poking his head out of the kitchen with a grimace. �I thought you guys practiced over at Rawley?�
�Yeah, sorry dad,� Bella replied. �It�s just� Josh sorta got banned from using the music rooms for a couple of weeks and we didn�t have anywhere else to go. It�s too cold in the garage.�
He raised an eyebrow. �Banned?�
She shrugged. �It�s a long story.�
�Got caught drinking on campus?� asked Grace knowingly. �Doesn�t seem like that long a story to me.�
�Uh,� Bella shot her sister an exasperated look. �Maybe� I dunno.�
�That doesn�t sound too good,� Charlie said, looking concerned. �Bella, are you sure you should be hanging out with these guys?�
�They�re not bad kids, dad,� she said hurriedly. �It�s just� some stuff sorta happened when school started and� it�s nothing to worry about, seriously.�
�All right,� he said reluctantly. �But just be careful, all right? I don�t want you getting into some sort of trouble with this band of yours. You�re already out late at nights, playing in clubs��
�It�s all legit, dad,� she said hurriedly. �We�re a band, that�s what we do��
�I know, I know, I was young once too,� he replied with a twinkle in his eye as he went back into the kitchen. �And it�s not like you�re irresponsible. But I worry anyway��
�How does it feel to be the bad kid for once?� giggled Grace, plonking herself down on the couch once Charlie was out of earshot.
Bella playfully punched her sister on the shoulder. �Just cos you�re hanging out with sci-fi geeks now��
�Pagan likes fantasy more than sci-fi,� Grace said absently, examining her nails. �There�s a difference, you know. Sci-fi is totally rigid; there has to be logic for everything. It suits Michael fine, but Pagan likes something with more� blurriness to it. Things that don�t need too much explanation. Other than magic, I mean. Magic just explains everything, it�s like a miracle cure.�
Bella continued to pack down, glancing at Grace out of the corner of her eye. �Did I mention it�s scary hearing you talk like this?�
�Many times now,� Grace looked up with a smile, shrugging self-consciously. �It kinda freaks me out too.�
�So how are things going with him, anyway?�
�Yeah,� Grace murmured, toying with her fingers. �I dunno.�
Bella raised an eyebrow. �You don�t know? What is there to know? You like him, don�t you? What�s the problem?�
�I told you,� Grace said, a little impatiently. �I don�t want to screw this up. I�� she blushed suddenly, looking away. �I can�t screw this up.�
Bella�s expression softened as she took a seat next to her sister. �You know,� she said, �I don�t think I�ve ever seen you acting like this about a guy before.�
Grace gave her a disgusted look. �I don�t wanna, like, hold hands with him and run through a meadow of flowers or anything.�
Bella laughed. �I�m just saying. You seem to care about him a lot.�
�He�s different,� Grace looked down at her hands, biting her lower lip. �He�s just so sensitive. He makes me wanna protect him against the world, you know? And when we�re together it�s like� it doesn�t matter what everyone else thinks about me. I know he doesn�t judge me, and�� she paused, chewing her lip.
Bella placed an arm around her sister�s shoulder, not sure what to say.
�I can�t screw this up, Bella,� Grace said again, her voice very quiet. �I know how these things go. I�ve seen � I�ve been in so many� um��
�Relationships?�
Grace glanced at her sister. �Would you call them �relationships�?�
Bella chuckled awkwardly. �You�ve got a point.�
�Yeah,� Grace looked down once more. �And you know I don�t want that. I know all the ways things can start and heat up real quick and get out of control and� I can�t do that. People get together, things don�t work out, and they break up and no matter what you say, you can�t really end up being friends. And I can�t not have him as a friend. He means too much to me.�
�Will and I broke up,� Bella said gently. �We�re still friends.�
Grace looked at her, raising an eyebrow sceptically.
�What?� Bella demanded defensively. �We are.�
�You hardly ever hang out anymore,� Grace pointed out. �He doesn�t just drop by to see you like he did before you started going out. You might still be friends or whatever, but it�s not the same as before, Bella. You know that.�
Bella didn�t answer.
�What I have with Pagan now,� Grace said meditatively. �It�s the best thing that�s happened to me in a long time. I�m so happy just to have him here, you know? If I push this, and it doesn�t work, then we can�t go back to where we are now, and I�m not ready for that.�
�Well, what about him?� Bella asked. �Does he like you? As more than just a friend?� She smiled, ruffling her sister�s hair. �It�s not entirely up to you, you know; it�s kinda a two-way street.�
Grace couldn�t help smiling back. �I know. And� I don�t know. I mean, I have no idea what he wants. We hang out a lot � but most of the time it�s with Michael, and with three people��
�Things can get very complicated,� Bella said, rather sagely. �Listen, no matter what you decide to do with Pagan, try not to get Michael involved, okay? That leads to whole worlds of trouble, and let�s just not go there.�
�Spoken from true experience,� Grace giggled, playfully elbowing her sister in the ribs. �Thanks for the advice, dorkhead.�
�Any time,� Bella laughed. �Glad I could pass my wisdom onto others, that�s all I�m sayin�.�
***
Boston Charity Ball
*Dido�s �White Flag� plays*
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
�Having a good time?� asked Scout as he returned to Faye at the side of the dance floor, holding out a glass of champagne.
�The finger food�s excellent,� she took the drink from him with a smile. �But I could do with less of the chitchat. Everyone wants to know how Rawley�s being run these days. How the hell am I supposed to know? Just because I go there? I�m not sleeping with the administration.�
He chuckled, looking around. �That�s what happens when you come to one of these things. Everyone here must be thirty years older than us.�
�You noticed too, huh?� she smiled. �Are you having fun being cornered by everyone asking where your parents are?�
�Absolutely,� he said dryly. �Talking about my parents� divorce to overdressed people I hardly know? Best way to spend an evening.�
�Well, as long as you�re having fun,� she grinned, taking him by the hand. �Chin up, soldier. I love this song, let�s go dance.�
He smiled, setting down his drink, kissing her on the cheek as she wrapped her arms around his neck and drew closer.
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Finn stood at the window of his office with his hands clasped behind his back, staring out into the dark evening sky. Nostalgia shaded his expression, a hint of forlornness as he gazed into the deep black.
A knock sounded, and he turned just as the door opened to reveal Kathy Bradford, clad in an elegant dress and heels. �Ready to hit the town?� she asked with a smile, extending a hand.
There was a brief moment, one where he seemed to hesitate and almost turn back to the window as though there was something else out there, something more worth holding onto. And then the moment passed, and he smiled, stepping forward and taking her proffered hand.
�I�m ready,� he said.
I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
Then I'm sure that makes sense
In the Dean�s house, Kate Fleming set plates down in front of her husband and her son. The overhead lights pooled on the polished redwood tabletop, like bright fragments of glass.
�Thank you, Kate,� said Steven Fleming, picking up his fork with a smile. �Looks delicious.�
She smiled back at him, taking a seat herself.
�Yeah mom,� Hamilton said absently, taking a bite. �It�s great.�
Kate smiled again, and they lapsed into silence; the parents at either end of the table, the son in the middle, with the light shining down.
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
Will, Susan and Reese were already at the table when Jake came down. �Sorry,� she apologised as she slid into her seat, grinning. �Still not used to the whole family dinner idea.�
�That�s okay,� Susan laughed, pushing a plate toward her. �Roast chicken tonight. I hope you like.�
�Looks great,� said Jake enthusiastically, smiling up at the others.
�Wait until you try her world-famous mac and cheese,� said Will, grinning at his mother. �What do you say, mom? Tomorrow night, maybe?�
�I wouldn�t mind some of that myself,� Reese smiled. �We�re really spoiled for choice. I definitely made the right decision to live here.�
�Mmm,� mumbled Jake as she swallowed a mouthful of chicken. �I�ll say. This is delicious. Great job, Mrs Krudski.�
�Oh, you three,� laughed Susan, picking up her own fork. �Stop with the gushing, and let�s just eat.�
�Can�t say no to that,� chuckled Reese, as the others nodded in agreement, digging into their dinner with relish.
And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on
Josh and Leah walked slowly up to the boys� dormitories, shivering against the night chill. �I better get home,� she said, smiling shyly, gesturing toward the girls� dormitory in the distance.
�Well,� he smiled back, looking down at his feet. �Good night.�
�I�ll, um, call you,� she said awkwardly. �You know, to set up a� a time��
�Yeah, let�s do that,� he said. �Or, um, I�ll call you. Like, soon.�
She nodded, a small grin breaking over her features. �Cool.�
He was about to say something else when she stepped forward quickly, planting a kiss on his cheek. �I�ll see you later,� she said as she walked away, throwing another bright grin over her shoulder.
He gave a small wave, watching her figure melt into the darkness before the smile faded from his lips. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he looked up at the night sky, his expression inscrutable.
�I know you�re here,� he said after a moment. �You don�t need to hide every time you see me, you know.�
A shadow disengaged itself from the nearby darkness. �I�m not hiding,� Ryder said as he came up the steps, untucking a cigarette from behind his ear. �Just didn�t think it�d be tactful to interrupt.�
Josh bit his lower lip. �I guess you heard, then.�
�Got yourself a date,� Ryder said, averting his eyes. �That�s nice.�
�I guess it is,� said Josh, hugging himself against the cold. �I�ve talked to my friends, they�ve agreed to help me move out tomorrow.�
Ryder blinked, turning toward him sharply. �Tomorrow?�
For a moment their gazes locked. The look in Ryder�s eyes was stunned and a little incredulous, as though despite everything he couldn�t get his head around this turn of events. Josh, however, stared back calmly, his eyes like pieces of green glass in the moonlight. �Tomorrow,� he repeated. �I think that�s best for everyone.�
�So you can move on with your life,� Ryder said after a pause, looking down to light his cigarette.
The expression behind Josh�s gaze was one that spoke simultaneously of tenderness and of defeat. �So we can both move on,� he said simply, before he turned and walked into the dormitory, his coattails billowing behind him like a raven spreading its wings.
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be
*Will�s voiceover starts*
�When does change take place? Is it a moment? Or is it a series of moments? When do you realise that you need to adjust to a new way of things, and when does that adjustment happen? A lot of the time it seems like a gradual onset, something you don�t even notice; maybe we�re keeping our eyes too far on the distance, watching for the big changes when the real changes are happening right under our feet. Things don�t just happen; they happen because of all the events that lead up to that moment, and they happen because of what we do in all the time in between. All I know is this: through an endless cycle of change and adjustment we are creating ourselves every day, one piece at a time.�
�You look so beautiful tonight,� Scout whispered, tightening his hold around Faye�s waist as they swayed gently to the music. �Did I mention that?�
�Well, if I translate the �tight dress� comment from teenage boyspeak,� she chuckled softly. �I think I got the gist of it earlier. Nice to hear it in plain English though.�
�Faye?� he whispered, burying his face in the warm skin of her neck.
�Yeah?�
�Would it be really inappropriate to tell you� I still love you?�
�Inappropriate, maybe, with all these old people around,� she said with a small laugh, pulling back slightly to rest her forehead against his. �Doesn�t mean you shouldn�t say it, though.�
�Well,� he said earnestly, gazing into her eyes. �I do. I never stopped.�
�I know,� she murmured, and she kissed him.
He closed his eyes as their lips touched, feeling a sudden wave of relief wash over him, something that almost felt odd because surely this was a long time in coming. But as he kissed her back tentatively, he found himself scarcely believing that they were finally here, and together again. Perhaps it was because he finally understood, this time, how much she meant to him.
�Scout?� she whispered against his lips. �I love you too.�
For a moment his heart clenched painfully at the sound of her words, at the sound of that voice. Then he kissed her again, more forcefully this time, breathing in her familiar scent of blackcurrants and snow. He could feel her lips curving into a smile under his, and it felt like incredible good fortune to have her here, and to know that she was finally back in his arms.
And this time, he wasn�t about to let her go.
I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love
And always will be
The End
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