Author�s note: The start of this episode picks up at the end of last season. There were a couple of loose ends that needed to be wrapped up before the gang went their separate ways, and didn�t fit properly into the last few scenes of season 5. Kathy Bradford is back teaching at the girls� academy after half a year off on leave. I�m pretty sure there isn�t a door leading to the office from behind the counter at the Banks� garage, but I couldn�t make sense of the plotline otherwise, so we�ll have to postulate that Charlie did some remodelling.
Interpol�s Evil plays during three occasions in this episode. My intention was not for it to start playing from the beginning of the song in the second and third scene it comes up in, but rather picking up where it faded away in the previous scene where it was used. Hope that makes sense.
(Yes, the New York Ritz-Carlton is a not-so-discreet reference to matrixfic. :D)
Acknowledgements: Anja, Lynne, Susana, Mac et al for their helpful suggestions for season 6.
Additional disclaimers:Hidden Camera Show is by Tom McRae. The gold-leaf beer is real, (as though I could make up something as fucked-up as that,) though I can�t remember the brand name. One line stolen directly from Buffy.
Part One
Teaser
Three Weeks Ago
Rawley Boys� Academy
It was snowing, and the rolling grounds of Rawley Academy were swathed with a layer of fresh, pristine white. Hamilton Fleming, Will Krudski, Scout Calhoun, Bella Banks and Faye Archer stood on the stone steps outside the main hall, waving at a maroon Jaguar that was pulling out of the parking lot.
Scout, Will and Bella were wearing identical expressions of minor shock, as though they couldn�t quite believe what had just transpired. Faye merely looked thoughtful as she watched the car drive out of sight. Hamilton, on the other hand, was very pale save for the bright spots of colour on his cheeks, and his eyes were twin blue flames as he stared after the Jaguar, biting down on his lower lip, his face impassive.
�Well, well,� a voice drawled from behind them, sounding simultaneously indolent and curious. �What have we here? Congregation for losers?�
The gang turned slowly, most of them still looking dazed. Faye was the first one to break a smile. �Hey you,� she said, walking forward.
Ryder Forrest was leaning against the doorframe, an unlit cigarette dangling from his mouth. Nodding briefly at his sister, his eyes scanned over the other faces, taking in Hamilton�s shell-shocked expression and the others� grave looks. �So,� he said out of the side of his mouth as he flicked open his silver cigarette lighter, �who died?�
For a moment nobody answered him. Faye, however, had a peculiar little smile playing about her mouth as she glanced back at her friends.
Then, Will looked at Scout. Bella looked at Faye. Hamilton glanced from one person to the next, and as they made eye contact small grins began to grow on their faces, a hint of mirth becoming more and more certain until finally, Faye let loose with a snigger. That made the rest of them burst out laughing, compounded by the look of utter confusion that flickered over Ryder�s face. �All right,� he said slowly. �You�ve obviously all gone insane��
�Hamilton, honey,� Faye said amidst a fit of giggles. �You wanna do the honours?�
�Sure,� Hamilton chuckled. Turning to Ryder, he cleared his throat and tried to compose himself. �Ryder, we�ve got something to tell you.�
Scout accidentally let a snort of laughter escape and he clamped a hand to his mouth, his shoulders shaking. Faye grinned and patted him on the back. Bella and Will shared another smile and turned back to Ryder, who was looking by now more than just a little apprehensive. �All right,� he said, putting the lighter back in his pocket. �Spit it out, then.�
�Yeah, you know Jake?� Hamilton said, with a perfectly straight face. �He�s actually a girl. She�s been dressing up as boy to go to Rawley.�
Ryder�s jaw went slack and the cigarette tilted downward, looking as though it was about to fall out of his mouth. His eyes darted toward Faye incredulously, as though looking for confirmation. She smirked and nodded. He stared at her, his eyes suddenly gone blank, and the look of complete shock on his face was enough to send everyone else into hysterics again.
�Totally worth it,� Hamilton gasped as he, Will and Scout began walking toward the staircase, clutching their stomachs from laughing too hard. Bella, still giggling, waved goodbye to the guys and headed back down the stone steps, toward her truck that was parked across the driveway.
Ryder remained in the same place, his expression one of utter incomprehension. The cigarette, dangling precariously from his lips, finally fell onto the floor. He didn�t seem to notice.
Faye picked it up and stuck it back in his mouth, taking his arm with a chuckle. �Come on.�
He blinked and spat the cigarette back out, turning to face her with a wild-eyed stare. �Jake�s a girl? Bloody Jacob Pratt is a sodding girl all this time?�
�Yup,� she said cheerfully as she manoeuvred him toward the stairs, �The Dean found out yesterday, so the game�s up. She just left Rawley.�
�How long have you known?� he muttered.
�A little over a year.�
He stopped and gaped. �A bloody year?�
�Yup,� she giggled, steering him toward the staircase again. �Oh, I wish I had a camera for that look on your face� utterly priceless��
�Does Joshua know?� he asked as they walked up the stairs.
�Nope,� her voice grew fainter as they disappeared around the landing. �Oh dear, that�s not gonna go down well at all, either��
***
New York, the Pratts� Apartment
�We�re back, Consuela,� called Monica Pratt as she opened the door to the apartment. Pausing on the threshold, she looked over her shoulder at her daughter, Jacqueline Pratt, who was dressed in a button-down flannel shirt and men's jeans, her hair straight and short and hanging in her pale face, her chest a flat plane.
Jacqueline - Jake � looked back at her, not defiantly but not in embarrassment either, and Monica fought back a sigh before she walked into the foyer, nearly colliding with the middle-aged Latina who bustled out of the kitchen. �There you are,� Monica said briskly. �Listen, Consuela, the doorman is bringing up our bags, just leave them outside the bedroom door.�
The housekeeper nodded, her eyes straying to Jake�s forlorn form behind her mother. �Oh, sweetie!� she exclaimed, her eyes widening as she took in the girl�s appearance, �what is going on?�
Jake smiled awkwardly at the housekeeper, but she didn�t get a chance to talk as her mother promptly herded her into the master bedroom. �Jacqueline and I are going to have a little chat,� Monica said curtly as she closed the door. �We don�t want any interruptions, can you make sure of that?�
Jake couldn�t hear Consuela�s reply as Monica closed the door firmly, locking it for good measure. Leaning back against it, she pressed both hands over her face and breathed out, looking as though she was trying hard to keep herself together.
Biting her lip, Jake sat down at the edge of the neatly made bed, her fingers absently worrying the silky coverlet.
�Okay,� Monica said, finally removing her hands from her face. �I�m trying really hard to understand this, but I�m just coming up blank. Why, Jacqueline? Why this� cross-dressing? I just� I just don�t understand it.�
�I told you,� Jake said, her tone very tired. �I was waiting for you to notice.�
�Notice what?� Monica exclaimed. �That my daughter is�� her eyes widened suddenly. �Oh my god, is that what it is? Are you gay? Hold on, is Hamilton gay? Hold on�� she furrowed her brows, trying to get her head around the logistics of her garbled statement.
�No!� Jake exclaimed, �God, mom, this isn�t some weird way to express my sexuality! It�s just� you never notice anything I do. Sometimes I even wonder if you really know I exist��
�Of course I know you exist!� Monica exclaimed. �You�re my daughter, for god�s sake!�
�Right!� Jake cried. �So it would be great if you could act like a mother, just now and again, you know? But it�s always about you, your job and your friends and you never have any time for me��
�So this is my fault?� Monica shouted, gesturing wildly at her daughter�s getup. �It�s somehow all my fault that you went off and decided to become some sort of� some sort of drag king just so you could get my attention?�
�Maybe if you paid some attention now and again I wouldn�t have had to resort to this!� Jake yelled, jumping to her feet. �God, mom, I wish it didn�t have to be like this, but you don�t even know me anymore!�
�I made an effort!� Monica yelled back. �I went to Parents� Weekend for two years in a row, didn�t I? I was with you all the time at Grant Macmillan�s�s trial, wasn�t I? I tried, Jacqueline! Do you not realise just how important my work is to me��
�More important than your own daughter?� Jake cried. �Mom, you have a responsibility for me, you know! You don�t just pop the kid out and be done with it! Did you know how many months I�ve spent in this apartment, waiting for you to come back and give me some sort of attention, any attention at all? God, didn�t you even wonder who that kid was, the guy we passed in the common room who looks exactly like me? He�s my brother. Do you know I met my real dad a couple of weeks ago? Do you even care?�
�You met�� Monica murmured, the blood draining from her face as she sat down suddenly. �You met Simon?�
�Yeah,� Jake said, slumping down on the bed and looking down at her hands. �Yeah, I did.�
�Why didn�t you tell me?� Monica whispered.
�When have you ever taken an interest?� Jake replied, not looking up.
�I�m trying,� Monica said, her voice rising again. �God, Jacqueline, I�m TRYING, okay? You know the demands of my job! God, sometimes I think you�re so selfish��
�I�m selfish?� yelled Jake incredulously. �Oh my god, I don�t believe this��
A shrill ringing cut through the ending of her sentence, and she paused expectantly. As though on autopilot, Monica fished her cell phone out of her purse, flipping it open. �What?� she demanded crossly into the mouthpiece, before her expression changed. �Oh, Steffen,� she said, her voice suddenly taking on honeyed tones, �Long time no see! How have you been?�
Jake sighed inaudibly and turned to look out the window.
�Oh, I�m fine, just fine,� Monica gushed into the phone, her clear laughter ringing out like a string of silver bells. �Oh my god, we got the audition? I can�t believe it! You are a genius, Steffen Dupont! Quickly, tell me what we have to prepare for. This is so sudden! Do you think we�ll have time to get the part down? I��
She trailed off, then, as her eyes came to rest on her daughter, who was blankly staring at the scenery outside. It wasn�t snowing in New York, but the sky was densely overcast as though it were lined with lead. Jake kept her eyes on the blurry bright spot where the sun didn�t quite manage to shine through the layers of clouds, and she blinked slowly, trying to hold back her tears.
�You know, Steffen,� Monica said into the phone, her voice turning quiet. �I think I may have to call you back.�
Jake stirred and turned to look at her mother.
Monica was still gazing at her as she spoke. �Yes, I know,� she said. �I know this is important. But I�m in the middle of something else, and that�s important too.�
A pause, and she chewed on her lower lip before speaking. �Yes, as important as this. More, in fact.�
A small, tremulous smile broke through Jake�s forlorn expression as she watched her mother say her goodbyes and hang up. Monica set the cell phone down on the dresser, turned to her daughter as though she wanted to speak, and then she hesitated and picked up the phone again. Jake watched as she turned it off altogether and tossed it in a drawer, sliding it shut with an expression of studied determination.
�All right,� she said as she came closer, sitting down on the bed, her expression grave and attentive. �I�m listening, sweetie.�
Jake could feel her lower lip trembling, just a little. But she gave her mother a wobbly smile.
Part Two
*Opening credits and theme song*
Now
*Interpol�s �Evil� plays*
It was only noon, but the cloudy winter sky seemed heavy with the promise of snow. A bus cruised along the Interstate highway from the direction of Carson and New Rawley, making its way into New York City�s outer limits.
Rosemary, heaven restores you in life
Coming with me, through the aging, the fear and the strife
It's the smiling on the package, it's the faces in the sand
It's the thought that holds you upwards, embracing me with two hands
Write, we'll take you places, yeah maybe to the beach
When your friends they do come crying, tell them how your pleasure's set up on
Slow release
Will sat aboard the bus, in a seat near the back, and he was scribbling furiously in the leather-bound journal that he carried with him everywhere. Nibbling on his pen, he paused, peering out the window at the looming skyline of the city. There was a tentative tug of a smile on his lips.
Hey wait, great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey, who's on trial?
*Will�s voiceover starts*
�In many ways, I think this is a much more profound new beginning than last semester. For one thing, it�s a brand new year. And things actually seem to be changing around here. Jake is finally out of Rawley Boys�. Scout is getting his act together. Bella�s in a rock band that looks like it�s going places. Okay, so maybe all this is not exactly profound; but changes are definitely happening, and that in itself is pretty exciting. As for me, I�m hoping, as usual, for opportunity. That�s why I�m here.�
He capped his pen, put away his journal and waited out the rest of the journey in contemplative silence, watching the scenery outside as the bus jostled its way into the city.
It took a life span, with no cellmate
The long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
***
The Pratts� apartment
Jake, Hamilton and Scout sat at the kitchen counter, feigning interest over their lunch. In actual fact, all three pairs of ears were perked, straining to catch fragments of a one-sided conversation that floated, now and again, from the study, whose door was ajar. Monica�s voice could be heard in incoherent bits, arguing heatedly over the telephone. �Now look here!� she exclaimed angrily, her voice intermittently floating through to the kitchen. �I know� not� but� large sum, a donation� impossible? What do you mean�?�
�You have any idea what she�s saying?� whispered Scout, glancing at the others.
Jake shook her head gloomily. She was dressed, as she did these days, in complete girl gear: a pair of stretch hipster jeans and a form fitting white shirt. Her hair was a little longer now, brushing the bottom of her cheekbones; and she�d gotten it feathered into a more feminine style. �She�s been arguing with them for two days,� she said in a low voice, with a brief look in Hamilton�s direction. �I don�t think she�s getting anywhere.�
�Dad can be so stubborn,� Hamilton fumed, setting his jaw as he looked toward the study once more.
�At least they�re not suing me for fraud or something,� she smiled thinly. �And let�s face it: if I was the Dean, I wouldn�t let me back in, either.�
�Don�t say that,� he said vehemently. �We�re gonna get you back to Rawley, okay? We�ve got to.�
She smiled and nodded, squeezing his hand comfortingly. But as he looked away, her eyes met Scout�s, and the look in them was far less certain.
Scout replied with a sympathetic smile. �So, what time is Will supposed to be getting here?� he asked Hamilton, clearly trying to distract the other boy from the conversation at hand.
Hamilton looked up at the wall clock, and before he could speak, they could hear the door bell ringing. A moment later, Consuela�s footsteps echoed down the hall. �I�d say about now,� said Hamilton as they jumped to their feet and hurried out of the kitchen.
Sure enough, it was Will at the front door. �Hi guys,� he grinned as Consuela helped him with his coat and bag. �What�s up?�
�Monica�s trying to enrol Jake at Rawley Girls�,� said Hamilton sullenly, with another glance toward the study. �I don�t think she�s doing too well.�
�Sorry to hear that, man,� Will said, frowning.
�What�s done is done,� said Jake lightly. �You hungry, Will? We could have Consuela make you something��
�No thanks,� Will looked faintly green. �I�m fine.�
�Nervous?� Scout asked with a knowing grin.
�Like you wouldn�t believe,� Will replied, smiling weakly. �Summer internship at the New York Times, man; it�s a huge deal. They only take in four high school students every year from the entire country. And literally thousands apply.�
�So how many applicants get called back for this interview?� asked Hamilton curiously.
�It�s not an interview,� Will answered. �More like an exam. In a nutshell, they have only one opening left and they can�t decide between three or four candidates, so we have to come back and impress them with our sparkling wit.�
�Good luck, man,� Scout patted him on the back. �You�ll get the job.�
�Definitely,� agreed Jake and Hamilton in unison. �You�re like, brain guy,� Hamilton added.
�Thanks�� Will said, cracking a smile, but before he could finish his sentence, the door to the study slammed. They turned sharply, just in time to see Monica storm out into the hall.
She paused, looking surprised at all the people congregated around the front door. �Oh, hello,� she said, looking inquisitively at the group, her gaze coming to a stop on Will.
�Mom,� said Jake hurriedly. �This is Will Krudski, another of my friends from school.�
�Of course!� Monica�s face relaxed into a smile, though it didn�t manage to shake off the tense, pinched look that she�s been wearing for the past few days. �Nice to meet you, Will. I�m so happy to have met some of Jacqueline�s friends at last.� Glancing with a small grin at her daughter, she added indulgently, �I guess there is a silver lining to coming clean?�
Jake shrugged with a small smile.
�Nice to meet you too, Ms. Pratt,� said Will politely.
�So what�s going on, Monica?� asked Hamilton.
Monica sighed, rubbing a hand over her face. �Sweetie,� she said tiredly, her gaze shifting to Jake. �I�m sorry. I tried.�
Hamilton�s face fell. �That�s it?� he asked. �They won�t even let her enrol at Rawley Girls�?�
�Over your father�s dead body, I�m afraid,� Monica heaved a great sigh. �And those were his exact words.�
Hamilton didn�t speak, but his jaw muscles tightened perceptibly. Jake glanced at him and took his hand again. �It�ll be okay,� she murmured. �We�ll figure something out.�
�I want you back at Rawley,� he said, turning to look at her, the intensity in his eyes seemingly turning them a sharper, deeper shade of blue. �I want you with me.�
�I�m sorry, Jacqueline,� Monica sighed again, her eyes travelling over the couple�s crestfallen expressions. �I�ll inquire about some other schools in the area tomorrow.�
Jake nodded slowly, attempting a smile for the sake of Scout and Will, who stood to one side awkwardly, with identical sympathetic looks written all over their faces. Hamilton merely turned away, lowering his eyes to the floor.
***
New York: Ritz Carlton hotel
�I�m off!� called Faye as she emerged from her room in the suite, shrugging on a long coat and pulling on her black leather gloves.
Ryder was lounging in an armchair beside the fireplace, absently playing with his silver cigarette lighter, his eyes trained on the leaden sky outside. A tiny bottle of Scotch from the mini-bar lay empty on the table beside him, its contents poured into a short glass, only half-consumed. �Maybe I should come too.�
She paused. �You want to come visit Josh with me?�
�Don�t sound so defensive,� he said, his eyes darkening. �I just� how is he doing in there?�
She stared at him. A moment of silence passed, and he coloured a little under her scrutiny, turning away. �Fine,� he said huffily. �Go by yourself, whatever.�
�Ryder,� she began, before she stopped and chewed meditatively on her lower lip.
He was resolutely not looking at her. �Go,� he said, his voice gruff. �I just remembered I had something else on, anyway.�
�It�s not like I don�t want you two to fix things between you,� she said hesitantly. �But��
�There�s nothing to fix,� he said woodenly. �Go. I don�t care. I dunno why I wanted to come in the first place.�
�Of course you do,� she said, her voice soft. �You know it and I know it. You two left things in a very bad place at the end of last semester��
�That�s enough, Faye,� he growled without turning around. �Just go.�
She shrugged and headed out. At the door, however, she paused and turned around. �He�s good,� she said. �The clinic is good for him. He�s healthier now, and happier too. I think the worst is over.�
He didn�t respond. She nodded, as though to herself, and went out, closing the door softly behind her.
He stared into the fire and reached for his glass, taking a deep sip, his eyes a burnished blue in the flickering light.
***
The gas station
Bella lounged on her bed, watching Grace Banks run around the bedroom that they shared, tossing select items of clothing into a large backpack. �Just how long do you plan to be gone?� Bella asked, a slight twinkle in her eye.
�Just overnight,� said Grace, madly rummaging through the pile of make-up on the dresser. �Have you seen my new lipstick?�
�It�s still in your jeans pocket,� said Bella, watching her sister dive for laundry basket in the corner. �So� are you sure you need all this stuff? It looks like you�re planning on running away or something.�
�Sometimes I really question the fact that you�re my sister,� Grace shot her a dirty look, stuffing yet another tank top into the backpack.
Eyeing the top, Bella couldn�t help a giggle. �Grace, it�s like thirty degrees outside. You�re not gonna need a tank top, let alone three.�
�I�m sure Pagan�s parents� apartment has air conditioning,� said Grace haughtily, though she eyed her bulging bag and reluctantly removed the top, tossing it on the bed.
�Yeah, speaking of,� Bella furrowed her brows. �Are you sure they�ll be okay with letting you sleeping over randomly? You haven�t met them or anything. What did Pagan say to them?�
�What are you doing,� Bella raised an eyebrow. �Stalking him?�
�No,� Grace rolled her eyes. �He said we should catch up before winter break�s over, you know. And his parents aren�t in New York, anyway. They went to some island retreat, since they�re having �marital problems�.� She made air quotes and turned back to her stash of make-up. �His mom moved out when she found out about Jake being Pagan�s sister and stuff, and they�re trying to work things out.�
�He tells you all this?�
�Well, it�s not like he has anyone else to talk to,� Grace said, her eyes clouding over for a moment. �I mean, he hardly has any friends. There�s Michael, his roommate; and I�m like the only other person he knows from here.�
�Well, if he wasn�t so preoccupied with getting people kicked out of school,� Bella said, a little indignantly, �then maybe he�ll have more time for friends.�
�God, that so wasn�t his fault!� Grace exclaimed. �All winter, you guys have been completely pissed at Pagan. Like, hello? Jake was the one who was pretending to be a guy for like, a year and a half! She wasn�t supposed to be at Rawley in the first place! And now everyone�s pissed because she got found out, like she should�ve done ages ago? How�s that for screwed up?�
�She had her reasons,� Bella said.
�And Pagan had his,� Grace said resolutely. �She broke up his family. You should have seen him after his mom moved out. He was such a mess.�
For a moment Bella was quiet, recalling the day when her own mother walked out on this family, leaving two daughters, the older of them barely six years old. Glancing up at Grace, she could tell that her sister was thinking the same thing. She managed a faint, understanding smile. �I guess you have a point.�
�Anyway,� Grace said, resuming her packing, �why don�t you come with me?�
�Me?� Bella replied, bemused. �What would I do in New York?�
�Um, hello,� Grace said with another roll of the eyes. �Forgetting a certain NYU film student?�
Bella could feel a slight brush crawling up her cheeks. �We�re just friends.�
�Did I say you weren�t?� replied Grace, slyly, grinning when she saw Bella redden further. �Come on, you two are so gonna get together. Come to New York with me, and go hang with David. It�ll be fun.�
Bella contemplated the idea, looking idly outside. The sky seemed as though it was pressing down even further than before, lending a claustrophobic feel to the crisp winter air.
***
*Interpol�s �Evil� plays*
He speaks about travel, yeah, we think about the land
We smile like all people, feeling real tan
I can take you places, do you need a new man?
Wipe the pollen from the faces
Make revision to a dream while you wait in the van
It was later in the afternoon, and the sun still did not show its face through the thick clouds. A sleek silver four-wheel drive was caught in a traffic jam heading slowly out of New York city; inside the car, Hamilton and Scout sat with the stereo cranked up, both of them looking rather bored.
�God, could this take any longer?� moaned Hamilton. �We�ve been on the road for hours and we�re barely out of the city.�
Scout, in the driver�s seat, glanced at him with a smile. �You�re just pissed cos you had to leave Jake, man.�
�Yeah, well,� Hamilton muttered, �I dunno why my dad wanted me to leave so early anyway. School doesn�t start for another three days.�
�Maybe he�s not too happy with you shacking up with the bad influence,� Scout winked.
Hamilton gave him a dirty look and did not answer. �What the hell is this crap?� he moaned instead, gesturing at the stereo.
Hey wait, great smile
Sensitive to faith not
Denial
But hey, who's on trial?
�It�s Interpol,� Scout looked surprised. �You don�t like them? I think they�re pretty good. Faye loaned me the album when we met up back in the Village. It�s one of her new favourites.�
�Oh, Faye loaned it to you,� Hamilton said, with a sly peek in the other boy�s direction. �So it has to be good, right? You�re so whipped, man.�
�Look who�s talking,� replied Scout, only half serious. He tapped on the accelerator as the car before them started inching forward. �Looks like we�re moving.�
�Thank god,� Hamilton sighed. �And� hey! I�m not whipped! I just� care about Jake, that�s all.�
�Yeah,� Scout hid a smile. �The real sign of caring was when you burst into tears when you found out she couldn�t enrol at Rawley Girls�.�
�I did not burst into tears,� said Hamilton indignantly, though his face fell at the subject being brought up. �But dude, did you have to��
�Sorry,� Scout said. �Didn�t mean to remind you.�
�I just don�t wanna think about it right now,� Hamilton rubbed his face wearily. �It�s not like I didn�t fight my parents enough already, these couple of weeks. I practically had to threaten suicide to even have them let me come to New York.�
�So I�ve heard,� Scout said sympathetically. �Listen, I�m really sorry about this whole thing, man. I wish it could have been easier on you. And Jake, too.�
�Thanks,� Hamilton said, sighing. �It�s just� it really sucks, having to think about the possibility of having a long-distance relationship or something like that, you know? Anyway, let�s talk about something else; I�ll just drive myself crazy otherwise. What�s up with you and Faye?�
�She came to visit me a couple times at my house,� Scout said lightly, though he couldn�t help a small grin. �It was cool.�
�Did you guys�� The pause was ripe with suggestion.
�Um, no. We just hung out. All very platonic.�
�But maybe there could have been something more, yeah?�
�There were a few moments,� Scout admitted with a smile. �But it�s cool, if you know what I mean. I�m not in a hurry or anything. We�re having fun just easing back into this.�
It took a life span, with no cellmate
Find a long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
You're weightless, you are exotic
You need something for which to care
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
***
New York: O�Sullivan�s Clinic for Eating Disorders
�I wish he�d make a move already,� moaned Faye, leaning back against the headboard of Josh Sutherland�s bed. �He�s moving slower than George.�
�George?� repeated Josh, who was peering into the mirror and carefully applying black eyeliner. A pause, and he shook his head with an amused grin. �The tortoise. Right.�
�Right!� she exclaimed. �I visit him, we joke around, we go out for coffee, you�d think he�d take a hint by now.�
�So put the moves on him,� he suggested, capping the M.A.C. kohl pencil and turning around. The dense grey light from outside wasn�t exactly flattering, but all the same it was clear that he looked a lot better than at the end of last semester. His hollow cheeks had filled out a little, and although still painfully skinny, he was no longer the distinct gaunt image of a walking skeleton. �It�s not like you haven�t done it before.�
�I don�t wanna,� she moaned.
He raised an eyebrow, the image of cool disinterestedness as he put his makeup away.
�Don�t look so haughty,� she pouted, thumping the pillow with a fist. �You know what I mean. I want this to be an equal relationship. I don�t want what happened last time to happen again. He�ll have to do the work this time.�
�Fair enough,� he said, glancing back at the mirror and running a hand through his dark hair, which he got cut a few weeks ago.
�You�re so vain,� she teased. �You know you look beautiful, so stop it already. Now come help me think of a way to trick Scout into making a move.�
�So tricking him into making a first move is not the same as just making the move yourself,� he said slowly, eyebrows raised. �Even though you�d essentially be making it?�
�Exactly,� she grinned.
�Girl logic,� he shook his head with a small roll of the eyes as he walked toward the bed. She scooted over to make room and he sat down, resting his head on her shoulder. �So, what�s the plan?�
�You know,� she murmured, apropos of nothing. �Ryder wanted to come today.�
He stiffened slightly. �Yeah?�
�I told him no,� she said gently. �I thought� I thought maybe you wanted more time.�
He didn�t speak for a few moments. When he did, however, his tone was light and unaffected. �It doesn�t concern me one way or another,� he said. �And I�m not just saying that to be glib, either. I�m trying to move on. Let�s just leave it at that.� A pause, and he added, �Thank you for doing that.�
�I�m just glad you agree it was the right thing to do,� she smiled thinly. �Although you know you�ll have to see him when you get back to school. You two are still sharing a room.�
�Not for long,� he said, his eyes darkening briefly. �I�m gonna speak to Finn, hopefully move into Jake�s old room.�
The way he intoned the name made her glance at him. �Oh,� she said faintly. �Are you still mad at me for that?�
�I�m not mad,� he said. �Well, not at you, anyway. Mostly with you I just feel sheepish. God, how many times did you listen to me wonder about how Jake was peculiar? And all that time you knew��
�I�m sorry about that,� she said, fighting down a smile. �But you know I couldn�t say anything. Plus, it was funny seeing you try to work out what was weird with �him���
�Yeah, I imagine that was also partly why you didn�t tell me,� he sighed in resignation. �I can�t figure out which is worse, having to go back to school to face Ryder, or to face� well, I suppose Jake wouldn�t be there anymore. But what am I gonna say to the guys in REACH?� He frowned, rubbing a hand over his face. �She made us all look like fools.�
�I�m sorry about that,� she gave him a hug. �Deal with it as it comes. When are you out of here?�
�I�m already discharged, if that�s what you mean,� he said with a smile. �They gave me the go-ahead. I can leave anytime I want. Well, not that they can really stop anyone if they really wanted to leave��
She nodded silently. The sights at O�Sullivan�s were becoming familiar now; but she could remember the shock that she received the first time she walked in these doors, coming face to face with multitudes of pale waiflike figures, both females and males alike, wandering the halls like wraiths. By comparison with some of them, Josh had looked almost plump.
Some, like Josh himself, were clearly trying to get better; others were only there because their relatives or friends had forcibly dragged them. Those were the ones that packed up and left by stealth in the middle of the night. O�Sullivan�s wasn�t a hospital, they weren�t bound to be here, and they knew it too. The ones that stuck were the ones who actually tried to shake their illness.
�� Alex and Emily are coming with me,� he was saying in the meantime. With a twinge of guilt she turned her attention back to his words. �Our practice space is hired out to someone else for a couple of weeks, and since they aren�t doing anything right now, they�re gonna stay in New Rawley for a while. We can use the school music room for band practice.�
�Sounds good,� she said. �I guess I�ll see you back at school in a couple of days.�
�I guess,� he murmured with an ironic smile, his eyes clouding over with the thoughts of what was to come. �Let the fun commence.�
***
New York: the Pratts� apartment
Jake paused in the open doorway of the guest room, watching Consuela scurry around, making up the bed for Will and fluffing the pillows. �Thank you very much,� Will said for the Nth time, looking a little flustered at the enthusiasm that the Latina matron seemed to bear for him.
�My world-famous hot chocolate is waiting,� Jake said with a grin, beckoning him over. He followed her gratefully into the kitchen. �Consuela freaking you out?� she asked with a smile once they were out of earshot.
�Just a little,� he chuckled. �Is she always so� domestic?�
She laughed as she pushed a mug of steaming hot chocolate toward him, the two of them settling down at the kitchen counter. �Comes with years of training. She�s more of a mother to me than my mom ever was.�
�I can tell.�
�I mean,� she glanced toward the hallway, as though she were afraid that her mother might overhear, though Monica had gone to bed hours ago. �Not that my mom isn�t great. Especially after� well, I mean now. I guess my plan worked after all this time. She finally noticed me, you know?�
He nodded, waiting for her to go on. However, she merely sipped her hot chocolate in silence, looking a little lost in thought.
�She�s great,� she finally said after a long pause. �She really tried to get me back into Rawley Girls�. It�s like, for the first time ever, she understands that I have friends there, and I really want to go back. I mean, that�s gotta count for something. She�d never even have noticed before.�
�I�m sorry the Dean was so tough on you,� he said. �I wish there was a way you could go back too. So� what are your plans now?�
�Mom�s looking into Exeter,� she said gloomily. �I didn�t tell her I went there already. Well, for a few weeks back in freshman year, when I sampled prep schools up and down the coast. It�s all right, I guess.�
�But it�s not Rawley?� he said with a wry smile.
�It�s not Hamilton,� she replied, glancing at him. �Will, I don�t care where I go to school. I really don�t. All I care about is Hamilton, and I hate that I can�t be close to him.�
He nodded and took another sip of his drink, looking out the window to the night outside, the bright, glittering city stretching out far beneath their feet. �Hey,� he said hesitantly, �did you know my mom left my dad?�
�Really?� she looked at him, surprise written all over her face. �When? I�m sorry.�
�There�s nothing to be sorry about,� he smiled. �My mom�s happier than she�s ever been, and I�m happy because of that, too. She left him a few weeks before the end of the semester. She�s been living with a friend, but she just found her own place. Not far from Bella�s house, actually.�
�That sounds nice.�
�It is.� A moment of contemplative silence, and he turned to look at her. �The reason why I brought this up is cos my mom�s looking for boarders. It�s a cool little townhouse with a couple of extra rooms, and she could do with some money on top of what she�s making at the salon.�
She blinked at him. �And?�
�Tell me,� he smiled. �What do you think of Edmund High?�
Part Three
New Rawley
The next morning dawned even more depressing than the day before. The clouds had not lifted at all, as though any moment they might open up and let loose a cascade of darkness against the world; and the winds had acquired a new frosty bite overnight.
�Looks like it�s gonna snow,� remarked Bella as she and Grace stood around the bus stop, breathing onto their gloved hands to try to warm them up. �God, it�s cold this year.�
�I wish the stupid bus would hurry up,� grumbled Grace, hauling her backpack higher onto her shoulder. �Did you call David?�
�� No,� admitted Bella. �I thought I�d just show up.�
�That�s when you usually find them screwing someone else,� commented Grace, sagely. Bella raised an eyebrow and Grace shrugged, grinning. �I�m just saying.�
�It�s not like he�s my boyfriend,� said Bella.
�Like you keep saying,� said Grace, rolling her eyes as they saw the bus approach from down the street. �Finally!� she exclaimed, walking forward.
Before Bella boarded, however, she tugged on Grace�s sleeve. �Did you lock the front door?�
Grace looked bemused for a moment before she shrugged. �Yeah, I think so. Don�t worry about it.�
Bella looked suspiciously at her sister, who wasn�t exactly known for her reliability. But the bus driver was already looking impatient, and she got on with a sigh of resignation.
***
New York: Ritz-Carlton hotel
Ryder wrapped a dove-grey scarf around his neck and tugged on a matching woolly hat, pulling it low across his brow. This winter had proven to be particularly bitter, and he had no intention of freezing his ears off on the trip back to Rawley.
Faye was curled up on the armchair, still in her bathrobe, cradling a cup of coffee. �Aww,� she giggled at him, �you look so cute.�
�Don�t ever use that word to describe me again,� he growled, though his eyes were twinkling. �Well, I guess I�m off.�
She offered her cheek up for a kiss. �I�ll see you back at school.�
Duly he gave the kiss, adding a hug into the bargain. �Good luck.�
�Don�t need it,� she said airily, waving him out.
�No, you really don�t,� he agreed, departing with a grin and a wave.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
�So how does it feel to be back?� asked Scout as he and Hamilton strode briskly from the dining hall back to the boys� dormitories. The mid-morning sun was nothing but a faint, pale imprint in the thick clouds, and the air was sharp with a stinging wind. Even their short walk up to the dorms had struck high colour into their cheeks, making their eyes water.
�Ever wonder what life would be like if, say, you got one of your limbs amputated?� Hamilton replied glumly as they headed up the stairs. �I think that covers it.�
�That sucks, man,� Scout said sympathetically, nodding with a smile at Finn, who was walking down the stairs, deep in conversation with a dark-haired man they did not recognise. Finn grinned back and lifted a hand in greeting. Hamilton, however, avoided eye contact and strode on ahead. With an apologetic glance over his shoulder, Scout quickly went to catch up with his roommate.
Finn�s eyes lingered on Hamilton�s retreating figure for a moment, and he sighed inaudibly before turning back to his companion.
***
The gas station
By the time Jake rode into New Rawley, it was beginning to get dark, although it was only the early afternoon. Looking up dubiously at the sky, she pulled into the gas station. �Bella?� she called as she went into the shop, closing the door softly behind her.
No one answered or came out to greet her. Furrowing her brows, she walked up the stairs. �Hello?� she called uncertainly.
The Banks sisters� room door was wide open, and it was clear that no one was in there. Charlie, too, seemed to have disappeared into thin air. �Weird,� Jake muttered as she came back down the stairs, looking askance at the unlocked front door.
Rubbing her frozen hands, she was about to leave when she spied the glass door behind the counter, which led to the small office attached to the side of the building. �Bella?� she called again, striding into the small room.
There was no one in there. Shaking her head, she turned to go, only to find that the handle would not give; evidently the door had locked itself behind her. �Great,� she muttered under her breath. Trying the other door that led out to the side of the station, she wasn�t surprised to find it also locked. Defeated, she slumped down on the chair behind the desk. �Great,� she said again, eyeing the sky wearily. And as she watched, a snowflake began to drift toward the ground, quickly followed by another, then another.
�Just� great,� she murmured for the third time, flicking on the light switch and watching in resignation as the ground quickly became covered in a new coat of white.
***
New York Times Office
Will paused in front of the imposing building that loomed before him, swallowing nervously as he looked up at storey upon storey of tinted windows, distantly capped by the concrete-grey sky. Nervously he adjusted the collar of his shirt and smoothed his suit jacket, brushing a couple of snowflakes from his shoulder. He had used a large chunk of his savings on this suit, but it was worth it. He looked smart and professional and in control, he knew that; but that alone wasn�t going to give him an advantage over the other interviewees, every one of whom would also be dressing to impress. If he were going to impress, he�d better say something brilliant in there.
Casting his eyes downward again, he took a deep breath. �You can do this,� he whispered to himself, setting his jaw and striding into the building.
There had been several signs posted, directing intern candidates to the seventh floor. Will took an elevator up, feeling a little dizzy from the sudden acceleration, wishing that he�d eaten something earlier in the day. As it were, though, this morning his stomach was so full of butterflies that he was sure he couldn�t handle a single mouthful of anything without it coming straight back up again. Not even Consuela�s famous blueberry pancakes were enough to tempt him. (He thought that the housekeeper may have acted a little cooler toward him after that.)
His heart was already beating like a jackhammer in his chest, and his interview wasn�t even for another thirty minutes. He liked to be prepared, though; and thought that getting himself used to the surroundings might work to his advantage and ready him for what would come.
He wasn�t prepared, however, when the elevator doors opened and the first person he saw was Faye Archer.
She was lounging on a leather couch in what seemed to be a large waiting area, leafing through magazines and leisurely sipping a glass of iced water. She was dressed neatly, in a black pant-suit, and her violet contacts were replaced by a pair of horn-rimmed glasses, lending her a bookish air. When she heard the elevator bell she merely glanced up, offering a casual �hi� as he strode, open-mouthed, toward her. �What are you doing here?� he demanded.
�Manners, William,� she said, albeit good-naturedly. �I�m here for the interview for that last intern spot. You too, huh?�
�Scout didn�t tell me you�re a candidate,� he said, a little accusatorily, as he sat down beside her. �I didn�t even know you applied.�
�I didn�t tell him,� she shrugged elegantly. �Didn�t seem like such a big deal.�
He stared at her. �Not a big deal? Faye, this is huge. I�m so nervous I think I�m gonna throw up.�
�Well, as long as you don�t do it on me,� she replied cheerfully, patting him on the arm. Just then a door on the far side of the room opened, and a woman strode forward, reading from a clipboard. �Faye Archer?�
�That would be me,� Faye stood up with a smile. �Good luck, Will.�
He wanted to say something nice back, a well wish or two, but something held his tongue as he watched her being led into the interview room, the door closing behind her with a resolute-sounding click.
***
The gas station
�Hello?� called Pagan Leigh as he walked into the shop, blinking against the sudden darkness. �Is anyone home? Grace?�
There was a thin film of snow spread over his hair and clothes, as he had walked over from Rawley. He brushed himself off as he peered around. �Grace?�
There was no answer. He shrugged and turned to leave, but caught sight of a movement out of the corner of his eye. Turning back sharply, he narrowed his eyes at the door behind the counter, from which a light was shining. �Hello?� he called again, advancing toward it hesitantly. Trying the door, he found it unlocked and entered.
Jake Pratt, dressed in full girl get-up, was sitting in the desk chair, looking disgruntled. �Out of everyone that could come here,� she muttered, �it had to be you.�
�I�m thrilled to see you too,� he retorted coldly, closing the door behind him.
�Don�t�� she exclaimed, looking up a moment too late, just as the latch clicked shut behind him. �� close the door,� she finished, dejection creeping into her voice. �Great. Now we�re both stuck.�
He raised an eyebrow. �What?�
�It seems like that door only opens from the other side,� she explained impatiently. �You can�t get back in from here.�
�You�ve got to be joking,� he exclaimed, turning around to try the door, rattling the handle to no avail. �Oh, this is insane.�
�Tell me about it,� she muttered, getting up and dragging her chair to a corner of the office, getting as far from him as possible.
�Where is everyone?� he demanded, whirling around. �Where�s Grace? Where�s Charlie?�
�Who knows,� she muttered. �I�ve been here for an hour already.�
�Well, have you tried the other door? The windows?� he demanded, quickly walking around the small office space, trying all the latches and handles he could find.
�I�m not stupid,� she snapped. �Everything�s locked. We�re not getting outta here.�
He ignored her, trying everything himself before he settled sullenly in the other desk chair, his efforts coming to no avail. She darted a quick glance at him, but he glowered at her and she turned away, rolling her eyes.
They sat there in tense silence, watching the snow come down.
***
Ryder pulled into the gas station, feeling his Porsche shudder to a stop beneath him. Just his luck that he would run out of gas before he got to Rawley, caught in the start of what looked to be a snowstorm. �Hullo?� he asked loudly as he advanced up to the shop, eyeing the dark interior of the house. �Anybody in there?�
No one answered. He swore under his breath, tugged his hat over his ears, and turned to look at the street outside. The rapidly darkening sky made it seem like nighttime, though his watch told him it was only four in the afternoon. About an inch of snow covered the sidewalks, and it was still coming down fast and heavy. Eyeing his Italian leather shoes, his lip curled disdainfully. Seemed like walking back to Rawley was out of the question.
The wind slashed across his face like a razor burn, and he shook his head, pulling his scarf up over his chin, eyeing the lights shining out of Friendly�s. Muttering profanities under his breath, he walked across the street, his shoes sinking into the snow with every step.
When he opened the door, he found that the diner was deserted save for the owner serving at the counter, and one lone patron sitting near the back. Sean McGrail lifted his head as the bell above the door chimed, announcing Ryder�s entry, and his expression darkened when he saw who it was.
�Oh,� Ryder muttered, eyeing the other boy. �You�ve got to be joking.� He had half a mind to turn straight back, and made to do it, too; but one look at the snow outside and he could feel himself faltering.
�Come in, come in,� called Vicki, the owner, bustling out to meet him. �Dreadful weather, isn�t it? Why don�t you have a seat and I�ll cook you up something warm. Coffee, dear?�
�Uh� yeah, thanks,� Ryder muttered, casting another look at Sean before he sat down at the window booth, putting as much distance between them as possible. Sean merely turned away, rolling his eyes.
***
The gas station
The faint yellow light emitting from Friendly�s seemed a million miles away. Pagan stared at it, scarcely believing that the diner was in fact just across the street. A wide chasm of deep snow separated them, and the great white flakes clogged up the air akin to thick fog. The office was growing colder, and as he wrapped his jacket tighter around himself, he found himself wishing wistfully for a plate of fries with butterscotch sauce, his and Grace�s favourite dish and pretty much raison d�etre these days. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Jake pulling out her cell phone, punching in a number with more vehemence than was necessary.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
Only a few guys had come back from winter break, since it was still a couple of days before the start of term. Happily, that meant Scout and Hamilton were able to stake out the video games corner with a minimum of fuss, and they had been playing ever since they got back. Hamilton was on a winning streak, something of a rare occurrence for him as usually Jake kicked his butt at these things.
When the phone rang, however, he cast his controller down with a clatter and raced over. �It�s mine!� he exclaimed, somewhat redundantly, as he snatched up the receiver. �Hello?�
�Hamilton?� came Jake�s faint voice over the line.
�It�s me,� he answered. �You were supposed to call like, two hours ago. Where are you? Your connection sounds really bad.�
�Actually, I�m at Bella�s house,� came the staticky reply. �Listen, Hamilton, I��
The line abruptly went dead. At the same time, all the overhead lights blinked out without so much as a flicker, and the sound of the video game was cut off as the TV went blank. The room was cast into darkness, with only a misty grey light coming in from the windows, reflections of the sun�s last light upon the snow, which was showing no sign of ceasing.
�Jake?� Hamilton asked into the phone, though it didn�t take a genius to figure out it was useless. Sighing, he replaced the receiver. �Guess the snow took down some of the power lines.�
�Do you think it�s just us?� asked Scout, slowly picking his way over to the window and trying to peer out across the lake. �Looks pretty dark out there,� he said. �Although it�s kinda hard to tell through the snow��
�Jake�s at Bella�s house,� Hamilton mused, feeling his way across to the couch. The meagre light from outside wasn�t particularly helpful where visibility was concerned. �Why is she back in town? I better go see her.�
�In all this snow?� Scout asked incredulously. �Dude, I know you guys are, like, Romeo and Juliet or something, but come on. I don�t think you can even make it out the front door. It�s piling up thick out there. You better wait until it stops.�
�I guess you�re right,� Hamilton admitted reluctantly, peering out the window again.
***
The gas station
Hamilton�s line was cut off at the same time the lights went out in the office. Jake looked up in alarm. �Wha�?�
�Power cut,� Pagan said, burrowing yet further into his jacket. �Today just keeps getting better, doesn�t it?�
Jake shot an annoyed glance at him before she walked forward, pressing her nose to the window. The lights from Friendly�s had also gone out. Sighing, she returned to her seat, curling up and hugging her knees to her chest. Pagan looked askance at her, briefly, before he frowned and looked away again.
***
New York Times Office
Will jumped up when the door to the interview room opened and Faye was let out. �How was it?� he demanded wildly. �How was it?�
�It was fine,� she answered, smiling. �Trust me, you�ll be fine.�
�William Krudski,� called the woman with the clipboard, looking at him with an air of impatience. He gulped.
�You will be fine,� Faye assured him again. �Go. How about I wait here for you? We can grab a bite to eat later.�
�Sure,� he murmured as he walked toward the woman, barely registering what Faye had said. The door closed behind them.
Out in the waiting area, Faye smiled and shook her head, sauntering over to the plate glass windows to watch the snow.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
The sound of footsteps approached from the direction of the hallway. A moment later Finn emerged at the door to the common room, holding a candle in each hand, which emitted twin soft circles of yellow light. �Anyone in here?� he asked, peering into the darkness.
�Hey Finn,� said Scout, �it�s just me and Hamilton here.�
�Good,� said the teacher, setting the candles down carefully as a couple of boys entered behind him. �I�ve rounded up the rest of the guys from the dorms. Well, as many as I could find. We don�t have that many candles to go around, so I thought we�d better all stick together in one place.�
�Sounds good,� said Scout affably. �Hey Tom.�
Thomas Greenwood, a fellow junior, was one of the boys following Finn. He grinned at Scout, but the grin melted off his face as soon as he saw the other boy in the room. �Hamilton,� he said coolly, sitting down in an armchair near the fireplace.
�Hi Thomas,� Hamilton acknowledged the fellow REACH member, grinning. �Had a good winter break?�
Thomas merely grunted and turned away. Hamilton glanced at Scout, looking stung. Scout shrugged.
Meanwhile, the other boy following Finn bounded up. �Hi Hamilton,� he said cheerfully, collapsing onto the couch. �How�s it goin�?�
�Good,� Hamilton replied absently, still staring at Thomas in confusion. �And you, Michael?�
Michael Tan was a sophomore, who was rooming with Pagan. �Pretty good,� he said. �This is cool, huh? Power cut. Makes me feel like we�re in a RPG or something.�
�Yeah, real cool,� came a disgruntled voice from the hallway. �If you didn�t have to climb up all the way from the music room in the pitch black.� With that, three more figures emerged in the doorway, two boys and one girl, looking rather wary from their odyssey. �Hey,� said Josh, who spoke earlier. �So this is where the party is, huh?�
�You could say that,� laughed Finn. �Why don�t you guys take a seat? I�ll get this fire going.�
�Thanks,� Josh said. �These are my bandmates that I told you about, Finn: Alex and Emily.�
�He signed us in,� Emily piped up with a cheerful wave. �Hi Finn-no-mister-necessary!�
The teacher laughed. �So where are you guys staying?�
�They�re staying at the B&B in town,� Josh said, �but I don�t think they can get back tonight��
�That�s fine, Josh,� Finn nodded as he tossed some kindling into the fireplace. �I think we might all have to crash here tonight. Or as long as this power cut lasts.�
�Well, I hope it�s not too long,� answered Kathy Bradford, English teacher over at the girls� school, as she walked into the common room with several more people in tow. �We�re freezing our butts off here. Hope you don�t mind us coming along.�
�The more the merrier,� said Finn as he stoked the fire, beckoning them in. �You guys had to walk from the girls� dorms?�
�We were almost up to our knees in snow,� moaned Lena Fletcher, who�d come in with the teacher.
�Ooh,� Leah Rickard, the other girl, made a dash for the fire. �Fire! Excellent. I think my ears are falling off.�
�Looks like we might even get snowed in, at this rate,� Ms. Bradford said to Finn as she followed the girls, looking worriedly out the window.
�We have all the facilities to last out a few days if that�s necessary, but I don�t think that�s likely,� he said as he stood up, walking toward the man who�d come in with the girls, but lingered uncertainly in the doorway. It was the same man he was showing around Rawley earlier. �How did the tour go?� Finn asked affably.
�Good until we had to make the snowy trek,� laughed the other man. �And then� not so good.�
�Trust me, this isn�t a common occurrence here at Rawley,� winked Finn before he turned back to the students. �While you�re here, guys; I�d like to introduce a new member of the faculty, who will be starting this semester. This is Mr. Alexander. He will be teaching art with Mrs. Fleming.�
A round of muttered welcomes rang out, and Mr. Alexander nodded, smiling at the students� faces that ranged from mildly curious to downright apathetic. He was perhaps in his late twenties, with a slim build and short dark hair. �Feel free to call me Reese,� he said. �Mr. Alexander was my father.�
A smattering of polite laughter rang out, and Finn grinned, leading the other man to a couch near the fire, where they settled into conversation with Ms. Bradford.
�Oh god,� Scout moaned quietly to Hamilton. �I think Finn�s found his prot�g�. Give it a year and he�ll be �Alex�. Or, even worse, �Xander, no Mr. necessary�. New art teacher, huh? Did you know about this?�
�Mom mentioned it,� said Hamilton absently, his attention focused instead on Thomas and Josh, who were conversing quietly in the corner, casting dark looks in his direction.
***
Roadside lodge
�Un-freaking-believable,� fumed Grace as she and Bella walked off the bus, in line with all the other passengers. The bus had pulled over at a holiday lodge halfway to New York, the snowfall having become too heavy for them to go on.
�Just be thankful we have a place to stay,� said Bella as they stepped into the foyer, watching the bus driver talk to the receptionist. �We could�ve spent the night on the bus, you know.�
�There�s a thought,� said Grace, shuddering. �I wonder when we can get going again.�
�Not for a few hours, I reckon, miss,� said an old man standing beside them. �It�s comin� down real heavy, ain�t it? And even after that, they�d have to clear the road before it�s fit for them bus wheels.�
�Well, ain�t that just swell,� Grace said, rolling her eyes and stalking off, leaving the man looking after her with a quizzical expression.
�Thanks,� Bella said with a quick apologetic smile before running off after her sister.
Part Four
The gas station
�This is insane,� muttered Jake as she tried Hamilton on her cell phone again, getting nowhere. �Aren�t land lines supposed to be separate from the power system?�
�Not cordless phones,� Pagan answered without looking at her.
She glanced up, a little surprised at his contribution. �Oh.�
�Yeah,� he said, darting a quick look in her direction. There was a moment of silence before he said, tentatively, �Hey� do you think I could� um, like, borrow your cell phone?�
She was so surprised that she handed it over without speaking. He took it, flashing a quick, grateful glance before he began to dial.
�Who are you calling?� she asked.
�Grace,� he answered. �She has a cell� hey,� he said into the receiver, �it�s me. Where are you?�
Jake nodded and glanced away awkwardly, trying to look as though she wasn�t listening to his conversation. Inside, though, she couldn�t help wondering about the fact that her half-brother had evidently taken up with Grace Banks - or at least operating on a voice-identification basis. She sneaked another glance at him.
�I�m at your house, actually,� he said after a pause, grinning. �I know. Hey listen, I�m, uh� kinda locked inside your dad�s office right now. Long story. Is there a way to get out?�
He listened for a moment, his expectant face falling. �Fantastic,� he muttered sarcastically. �Well, where�s your dad, do you know?�
Grace said something, and he smiled faintly. �Okay, I guess we�ll just have to wait. Shouldn�t be later than ten, right? Okay. Um� I guess I�ll see you when you get back.�
He paused for another moment, looking suddenly a little uncomfortable. �Oh, well� when I said we� um, me and Jake, actually.�
Grace�s exclamation on the other end was so loud that Jake couldn�t even pretend not to overhear. She chewed on her lower lip and stared out the window, trying to look nonchalant despite all this. Meanwhile, Pagan darted a glance at her, looking simultaneously triumphant and guilty. �Yeah,� he said, his voice dropping to a whisper. �Can�t do much about it right now. Hey, I�ll talk to you later, okay? I�m on Jake�s phone��
�Wait,� Jake suddenly interjected as an idea hit her. �Bella�s there, right?�
�Hold on,� he covered the mouthpiece with one hand. �Did you wanna talk to her?�
She nodded, and he went back to the phone. �Hey, put your sister on, okay?�
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
The roaring fire had warmed the large common room, casting a shadowy bronze glow onto the faces of the people gathered around it. The teachers had congregated to one side, chatting amongst themselves. Lena was ostensibly deep in conversation with Leah, though her gaze often strayed to Hamilton when she thought he wasn�t looking. Hamilton, on the other hand, was trying to talk to Michael and Scout while avoiding the disconcerting evil glances that Thomas shot him every few seconds. Thomas, Josh and the other members of Amnesia sat slightly off to the back where the firelight did not reach, their voices falling to an indistinct hum.
�Game of chess, anyone?� Finn asked hopefully to the room at large, answered by a round of loud groans. He laughed, holding up his hands, �Okay, okay! Just trying to bring some culture into your spare time, that�s all.�
�I feel like we�re in medieval times or something,� Michael piped up, looking disgruntled. �When�s the power coming back on?�
�What happened to feeling like you�re in a RPG, man?� Hamilton whispered, smirking. Michael only rolled his eyes.
�When they�ve fixed the lines, Mr. Tan,� Finn answered with a chuckle, shaking his head. �It wouldn�t hurt to curb the impatience once in the while. How about I read aloud?�
The noises of protest were significantly louder this time. Finn shook his head again. �It�s a lost cause,� he said to Kathy Bradford, grinning.
�What did you expect from teenagers?� she asked with a smile. �If Will was here, you might have had a shot; but you have no chance with the rest of them. Give it another couple of hours and they�ll be climbing up the walls��
�I have an idea!� Leah exclaimed suddenly, jolting all conversations to a stop. Feeling the turn of curious eyes on her from all directions, she coloured. �I mean, uh� I thought maybe Amnesia could play for us, you know, like entertainment.�
�Yeah,� Hamilton grinned. �That sounds cool. What do you say, Josh?�
Josh merely glanced at him, narrowing his eyes slightly. Hamilton furrowed his brows, an expression of abject hurt crossing his face.
�I do have a set of hand-drums here,� said Alex thoughtfully as he looked at the other band members. �What do you say, huh? Beats sitting around.�
�Bella isn�t here�� Emily said dubiously.
�It�ll be fine,� Alex cajoled. �It�ll have to be an acoustic set, anyway.�
�That does sound cool,� said Lena, glancing toward the teachers.
Finn shrugged. �I have no problems with it.�
�I guess we�re playing an exclusive acoustic gig, then,� Josh acquiesced with a smile, standing up and taking one of the candles. �We�ll go get our instruments.�
A low hum of approving noises broke out, with Leah looking by far the most enthused. As Josh and the others headed out into the hall, Scout�s cell phone began to rang. He answered it.
***
The gas station
�Hey Scout, it�s Jake,� Jake said into her phone. �I got your number off Bella. Are you with Hamilton? � Cool. Can you put him on?�
She waited for a moment, allowing her glance to drift over to Pagan, who had again settled back into his chair, tucking his chin inside his jacket and contemplating the falling snow.
�Jake?� Hamilton�s voice travelled over the line. �Are you still at Bella�s house?�
�Locked in, actually,� she replied with a wry grin. �It�s okay � apparently Charlie�s coming back in a few hours. And it�s not like we can go anywhere in the snow, anyway. Hey� um, I need to talk to you. Like, face to face. It�s kinda important.�
�Is anything wrong?�
�No, no, nothing�s wrong,� she hastened to add. �It�s good news, actually. Well, sort of. Can you come by Bella�s when you can?�
�Sure,� he sounded bemused. �Jake, what�s this about? Wait� my dad isn�t letting you back into Rawley, is he?�
�No,� she said. �I wish. But don�t worry, it�s nothing bad. I�ll see ya when I see ya.�
�I love you,� he said, and she thought she could almost hear the hint of a smile that accompanied his words.
�I love you too,� she said, grinning and hanging up. There was a tentative silence when both she and Pagan sneaked a look at each other, only to glance away hastily when their gazes met. She cleared her throat nervously, taking her time putting the phone back in her pocket.
�So, um,� Pagan said after a lull. �Thanks for letting me use your phone.�
�You�re welcome,� she replied, and they shared another look. This time, there was a ghost of a smile on his lips.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
Josh was perched on the edge of a couch, holding an acoustic guitar in his lap. Alex sat next to him with a set of hand drums, and beside him Emily was settled on the armrest of the couch, tuning her violin. �Okay,� Josh said, looking up with a smile. �This song is one I wrote recently. It�s called Hidden Camera Show.�
The others, gathered around, gave a smattering of applause. He grinned, pausing to brush his hair out of his face before they launched into the song. It was a quiet, acoustic number, beginning with a series of melancholic fingerpicked notes, backed by the hollow beats of the hand drums. When the vocals began, they were quiet also.
If you won�t carry a gun
And if you won�t learn to run
Hide from the world, it will come for you
You have no place in this time
If you won�t carry a gun
And if you won�t learn to run
Hide from the world, it will come for you
You have no place in this time
The violin picked up, and Josh broke into strumming, staring into the fire as he sang. His eyes were translucent in the dim light, coloured a faint amber, interlaced with dancing shadows.
And it�s the cars on the highway
It�s the drunks singing �my way�
We�re all caught in a hidden camera show
And it�s the thrill of deception
It�s the chill of rejection
In the faces of the people we don�t know
The faces of most people listening were intent. Leah, a notorious Amnesia groupie, had her eyes closed, and her expression was one of rapture. Scout was watching Josh, his eyes pensive. Hamilton, on the other hand, wasn�t really paying attention to the music at all. He was still sneaking glances at Thomas, who was readily ignoring him.
If you love, bury it deep
When you talk, know that talk is cheap
Swallow your tongue, this is not your fight
It�s braver sometimes just to run
Upon hearing these lyrics Finn shared a look with Ms. Bradford, both of them casting worried glances over the petite frontman of the band. Mr. Alexander, on the other hand, merely smiled.
And it�s the cars on the highway
It�s the drunks singing �my way�
We�re all caught in a hidden camera show
The band broke into a brief instrumental interlude, the violin picking up centre stage with its lilting melody. Josh looked down at his fretting hand as he strummed, his hair falling in front of his pale face.
And it�s the cars on the highway
It�s the drunks singing �my way�
We�re all caught in a hidden camera show
And it�s the blink of a shutter
It�s the hitman in the gutter
We�re all caught in a hidden camera show
Josh looked up with a slightly haunted look in his eyes. His voice grew stronger as he sang the last lines of the song, the emotion behind them coming through clearly, though seemingly without pain or regret.
And I close my eyes
Turn my face to the sky
I won�t smile for your hidden camera show�
A few more bars of strumming, with the violin and drums in perfect sync, before they trailed to a stop. There was a momentary lull before Leah started clapping enthusiastically, with the others quickly joining in.
***
New York Times Office
As Will walked back into the waiting room, and as the door to the interview room closed behind him, he felt like his knees would buckle. All the strain and pressure and nervousness of the past week had gone out of him like air rushing out of an untied balloon, leaving him feeling limp and exhausted.
�How did it go?� asked Faye, who was checking her messages when he came in.
�I think it went okay,� he managed to say, leaning back against the wall wearily. �What about you?�
She shrugged. �Dunno. They threw some real curveballs in there, didn�t they?�
�The question about the moral dilemma?� he managed a tired grin. �Tell me about it. What did you end up saying?�
�I said I�d do what my job was required of me, since I�m acting on behalf of the employer instead of in my own capacity,� she shrugged. �Which I guess is more or less accurate. What about you?�
He looked a little stricken. �I didn�t really think of that. I said there were some morality lines that couldn�t be crossed.�
�Maybe they�ll think you�re an upright young member of society,� she teased good-naturedly. �Instead of a callous corporate bitch like me.�
He chuckled. �I guess we�ll see.�
�Yeah, we will.� She looked at him. �What are your plans?�
�I gotta bus back to Rawley tonight,� he said, checking his watch.
�Don�t bother,� she said. �I just checked the traffic news on my phone. The Interstate is closed to all traffic. Everyone�s snowed in.�
�Really?� he looked disgruntled. �I don�t even have a place to stay overnight. I mean, I stayed at Jake�s last night, but she�s gone back to town today and��
�Relax,� she chuckled. �What am I gonna do, let you sleep out in the street? Come on.�
Pulling her gloves on, she headed toward the elevator. He followed, �Where are we going?�
�Back to my hotel,� she said matter-of-factly. �You can sleep in Ryder�s room. Don�t worry, he�s gone back to Rawley already. We can raid the mini-bar and order room service - it�ll be like a sleepover.�
�As long as you don�t paint my nails,� he laughed as he followed her into the elevator.
***
Roadside Lodge
The lodge was full to capacity, which meant the busload of passengers to New York were unable to get rooms. However, they were granted access to the main lodge common room, and a few flustered-looking maids were handing out bedding to the twenty or so disgruntled-looking passengers spread out over the couches and floors. Outside, the snow floated softly on, though it appeared to have thinned out somewhat.
Bella and Grace have staked out a corner of the common room, which was adjacent to the fire and as cosy as possible under the circumstances. Compiling their change, they made a beeline for the vending machine in the foyer. �You didn�t have to be so rude to that guy, you know,� Bella chided her sister as they bought a bottle of water and a couple of cans of soda. �He was only trying to help.�
�Yeah, I know.� Grace looked uncharacteristically contrite. �I was just pissed.�
Bella surveyed the selection of potato chips and candy bars in the vending machine. �Still, I think we�re lucky. Jake�s locked in our office, and there isn�t even a bathroom in there.�
�Gross,� Grace made a face. �I hadn�t thought of that. Hope dad gets home soon. Poor Pagan.�
�Poor Jake,� said Bella as she punched in the number codes to the snacks. �I wonder what she�s doing back in town.�
�I wonder what Pagan�s doing back at Rawley,� mused Grace as Bella handed her a couple of packets of chips. �School doesn�t start for another couple of days.�
Bella looked askance at her sister as they began walking back to the common area. �Why are you even saying this, Grace? You know he�s interested in you, that�s why he�s back early. And you like him too. Why would you have bothered going to New York otherwise?�
�It�s not like that,� Grace said, her voice quiet.
�What do you mean?� asked Bella curiously as they settled down in their corner, scattering their loot about them. �It seems so obvious��
�We care about each other,� Grace interrupted, her eyes cast downward. �But� it�s complicated, all right? He�s my friend. He�s like, the one good thing that has happened to me lately. I know I�ve done some pretty stupid stuff and everyone in town sort of has this idea of who I am; but� with him, it�s like I can be someone else, someone who�s not who they think I�m supposed to be. I don�t wanna screw that up with sex or whatever. I dunno. Does that even make sense?�
Bella gazed the other girl for a moment, a smile lingering on her lips. �Gracie,� she said, and impulsively reached over to give her sister a hug. �It makes perfect sense.�
Grace smiled, looking a little taken aback but pleased. �Come on,� she said, opening a can of Coke noisily. �Let�s dig in. I�m starving.�
***
The diner
�I�m really sorry about this, guys,� said Vicki as she carried a couple of candles out from the kitchen and set them down on Sean�s booth. �Obviously we can�t cook anything, but if you want, I can make you boys some sandwiches. Why don�t you come sit over here with us, instead of in the dark, dear?�
The last comment was directed at Ryder, who, sitting at the window booth, was cast almost completely into shadow. He looked irritated, but nevertheless got up and joined Sean�s booth, carefully avoiding eye contact with the other boy.
�Thanks Vicki,� Sean said gratefully, ignoring Ryder. �How�s it like outside?�
�I could hardly get out the door, it�s piling up so thick,� the woman replied, looking a little worried as she lit another candle. �You boys might have to sit around for a while. But don�t worry� we�ve got blankets in the back if you end up having to spend the night. I�ll go make those sandwiches,� she said, standing up with the second candle and making her slow way back toward the kitchen.
�Oh wait, you don�t have to�� Sean protested, darting a nervous look at Ryder.
�Nonsense,� Vicki turned with a low chuckle. �You are customers, aren�t you? I�ll be right back.�
The kitchen door swung shut behind her, and the diner was immediately cast into silence as though a muffler had been clamped down. Mutely, Ryder lit up a cigarette.
�You�re not supposed to smoke in here,� Sean said after a pause.
�So sue me,� Ryder retorted, taking a deep pull and exhaling slowly.
Sean narrowed his eyes and looked away, crossing his arms over his chest.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
Outside, the snow had finally ceased. However, the power had still not come back on, and the atmosphere inside the common room was starting to become one of pent-up energy. The members of Amnesia were putting their instruments away in their carry cases. Finn, seeing Josh by himself for the first time this evening, slipped quickly to the boy�s side. �Hey,� he said. �I have to say I really liked the performance.�
Josh looked up with a smile. �Thanks.�
�So how was your break?� Finn asked casually, though the expression on his face seemed incongruously attentive for such a question.
�Let me guess,� Josh grinned crookedly, looking askance at the teacher. �You�re worried about the amount of self-loathing in my lyrics and thought you�d better nip that in the bud?�
Finn couldn�t help chuckling, surprised at the boy�s perceptivity. �Yeah, that just about covers it.�
Josh smiled again. �My break was fine. I sorted out a lot of stuff and now I�m feeling good, as a matter of fact. I don�t think you�ll have much to worry about.�
Finn nodded. �You know my office door is always open if you need to talk to someone.�
�I appreciate that,� Josh looked up briefly. �Thanks for the offer.�
Finn nodded again, watching Josh turn away to talk to his friends. With a small smile he turned and went back to the teachers� circle, where Kathy waited expectantly. �Well?� she asked, lowering her voice. �What did he say?�
�He says things are all right now,� Finn replied quietly, sitting back down. �And you know, I believe him. There was a period late last semester when I was really worried about his health; I wanted to talk to someone in charge, but he�s his own legal guardian, and he certainly wasn�t up to talking to me.� He glanced at the boy again. �But he seems to have gotten himself back on track. I�m glad.�
�Me too,� she agreed, casting another look over Josh before turning to Reese Alexander. �How are you finding Rawley so far, Reese?�
He smiled. �I find it� dark.�
The others laughed. �Fair call,� said Finn, checking his watch. �It�s been a couple of hours. I�d expected the power to be back up by now.�
�You didn�t expect the electricity men to brave the snow?� teased Kathy. �They�re probably just heading out now. I say there will be another few hours to wait, at least.�
�At least the kids seem happy,� said Finn, glancing over his shoulder. Kathy nodded in agreement.
�Except those two,� said Reese quietly, nodding toward a couple of boys standing to one side.
Indeed, Hamilton had cornered Thomas a few minutes ago, and they were now engaged in a hushed, but heated, discussion. �What�s up, Thomas?� Hamilton demanded. �Why have you been looking at me like that all night?�
�I should have thought that was obvious,� the other boy snapped, looking away impatiently.
�If you can�t figure it out, it�s not my problem,� Thomas said stubbornly, still not looking at the other boy.
�God, could you sound more like a chick?� Hamilton fumed. �What the hell is going on, Tom? Just tell me, for god�s sake! Don�t I deserve to know why you guys are freezing me out? You�ve been acting weirdly ever since you got back and frankly, I�m sick of it. I don�t know what I did to piss you off, okay? I��
�It�s because you�re not gay!� Thomas suddenly interrupted, with such vehemence that heads turned toward them from all sides. Aware of the scrutiny, he coloured and shook his head. �You lied to us,� he muttered. �All of REACH. We can�t� it�s just��
He didn�t finish his sentence as he walked away. Hamilton merely stood there, looking shell-shocked.
�I guess you should have seen it coming, man,� Scout said, coming up behind him.
�I�� murmured Hamilton, still aware of Josh�s eyes on him from a distance. �It completely slipped my mind. I was so worried about Jake getting kicked out that� excuse me,� he said to Scout, walking quickly toward Josh. �Hey,� he said tentatively, �can we talk for a sec?�
Josh glanced at his other friends. �What do you wanna talk about?� he asked coldly.
�You know what,� Hamilton said. �Please.�
�Hamilton,� Josh sighed. �Just give it a rest. I can�t� we can�t do this yet. We have to figure it out - I mean, me and the others.�
�Just let me explain the situation�� Hamilton pressed. �Look��
�Can we not do this now?� Josh interrupted, looking unhappy. �Please just� give us some space to think about everything that went down.�
Hamilton furrowed his brows, his expression dejected, but Josh merely shook his head at him and turned away.
�Hey,� someone spoke behind Hamilton, and he turned, blanching when he saw it was Lena. �Come on,� he said tiredly. �Lay it on me. Everyone else has already.�
�Hardly,� she said, looking ill at ease. �I just wanted to talk to you, that�s all.�
�So you don�t wanna chew my head off?� he asked incredulously.
�What Jake does is his�� she stopped abruptly, blushing. �I mean, her personal business. I can�t judge. I didn�t appreciate being lied to, but I understand it. Or, I think I kinda do. Everything seems so obvious in hindsight; I don�t know how I could�ve been so blind. I came on to her, for god�s sake. I�m so embarrassed.�
�God, don�t feel embarrassed,� he said emphatically as they sat down on a nearby couch. �Look, this was all our fault, okay? I�m just glad I still have a friend around here who doesn�t feel betrayed. Lena, you rock. You know that?�
�So I�ve been told,� she smiled again, a little wistfully. �So tell me about everything that went on.�
Meanwhile, Scout approached Josh just as the band, chatting idly with Leah, was about to troop back downstairs to put away their equipment. �Hey,� he said, touching the other boy on the shoulder. �Can we talk?�
�Funny,� Josh gave him a half-smile as he picked up a candle from the table. �I was gonna suggest the same thing. Come down to the music room with us, Scout. Let�s reassess the whole �my best friend, your girlfriend� situation.�
Scout looked taken aback. �How did you�?�
�You oughta try out a better poker face,� laughed Josh, beckoning the other boy out into the hall, his voice growing faint as he and Scout followed Alex, Emily and Leah down toward the music rooms. �It�s kinda cute, actually��
***
New York: Ritz-Carlton Hotel
�Come on in,� said Faye, breezing into the hotel suite, trying to flick on the lights and shrug off her coat at the same time. �Make yourself comfortable. I�m gonna find a menu; I�m starving.�
Will whistled as he followed her into the lounge. �Nice place you�ve got,� he said, looking around at the lavish surroundings.
�I know what you�re thinking,� her laughter could be heard from the inner bedroom. �Spoilt little rich princess��
�Just a little,� he admitted, grinning as she came back into the room, brandishing a room service menu.
�Fair enough,� she plopped down on an armchair, gesturing for him to sit as well. �What can I say? I enjoy nice things.�
�Spoken like a true hedonist.�
�Spoken because it�s the truth,� she winked. �At least give me the virtue of honesty. Veritas est virtus, right?�
�How can I forget,� he chuckled, glancing out the window at the enshrouding darkness. �When do you think the Interstate will be cleared?�
�Not until tomorrow, I�d say,� she looked out also at the glittering skyline of New York city. �They�d have to wait until the snow melts a little. It�s weird to think of them all snowed in, isn�t it?�
He nodded, a reflective look settling over his features. �So,� he said, turning to face her, �how did you answer in the other interview questions?�
She groaned. �Don�t you just wanna forget about it? It�s over.�
�It�s hardly over,� he said, rapping his fingers on the armrest of his chair. �It�s only just begun.�
�Are you always so wound-up?� she glanced at him with a smile. �Chill.�
�Not a possibility,� he said with a tense grin. �Oh, I don�t know� I think I did the best I could, under the circumstances, but now I�m remembering all these things I could have said, things that would have impressed them, and I dunno, I stumbled over my words once or twice and I must�ve looked like a moron and��
�Shut up already!� she tossed the menu at him, laughing. �Let�s just eat, all right?�
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, music room
The basement floor of Rawley Boys� was comprised of two parts: one grand auditorium for more formal school gatherings and productions; and surrounding it, a few soundproofed rooms in which the school orchestra or chamber groups could practice. The one that Josh led the others to was his usual haunt, rather small, with a drum kit packed tightly against one corner and a couple of amplifiers shoved up against the walls. His electric guitars, with the exception of his precious Fender Jag, were also stored here. �Hardly anyone else uses this room, and I needed a place to stash my stuff, so Finn let me have exclusive use of this one,� he explained as he unlocked the door and led the others in, talking mostly for the benefit of Scout and Leah, since Alex and Emily were well familiar with the place. �The chamber groups don�t miss it, since it�s too small; and I guess we�re lucky there isn�t another rock band in the school competing for practice space.�
There were magazine posters of musicians tacked up all over the walls, and a few worn-looking cushions scattered between the equipment. The other Amnesia members made a beeline for the beanbags in the corner. �Thank god for escaping the mob,� Alex laughed. �How awkward was that? Teachers trying to make conversation and everything.�
�I can�t believe he asked if anyone wanted to play chess,� Emily giggled. �Is that what you Rawley kids do in your spare time?�
Scout chuckled as he picked out a place on the floor, leaning back against an amp somewhat uncomfortably. �Maybe a few. But believe me, Finn isn�t exactly representative of Rawley. He�s got this whole tortured artist thing going on.�
�Tell me about it,� Leah rolled her eyes, plopping down on another pile of cushions nearby. �I�m so glad I�m not in his English class. The guy�s such a fake.�
�I wouldn�t say he�s a fake,� said Josh thoughtfully, perching himself on the other amp, swinging his legs back and forth. �He�s got a set of convictions. You�ve got to admire him for that, even if it is goddamned pretentious.�
�Enough of the analysis already,� chuckled Alex. �Where�s your stash of goods, Joshua?�
�Drunkard,� Josh teased as he reached behind the amp. �Can�t you think of anything else?�
�Not when you�ve been stringing us along all day saying you�ve got a bunch of good shit hidden away,� said Alex, laughing. �So what is it? You�d better not be setting me up for disappointment.�
�Alex is a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to drinking,� Josh said to Scout as he fished out a half-dozen pack of beer from behind the amp, setting it down at his feet. �Here you go. I�ve got another stash, but I�m not putting it out all in one go.�
�This is what we�re doing? Drinking?� Scout asked. �I mean� uh, not that like, I don�t drink, I mean I do, but��
�It�s more of a tasting,� Josh laughed, reaching for a bottle of the beer.
�What is this stuff, Joshua?� asked Alex, examining the label. �I haven�t seen it before.�
�I�d be surprised if you had,� Josh said breezily, opening his bottle. �It�s restricted and imported. German in origin, I think; and the guy who procured it for me took pains to stress how expensive it was. It should be, too.�
�Why is that?� asked Alex, taking a large gulp of the beer.
�There are small bits of gold leaf suspended through the beer,� grinned Josh, watching his bandmate�s reaction. �It�s invisible to the eye, but these tiny metal shards are supposed to make thousands of little incisions on your throat as it goes down.�
Alex nearly spat his mouthful back out. �What?�
�The cuts won�t kill you,� Josh laughed, taking a leisurely sip of his own beer. �They are just big enough for the alcohol to get into your bloodstream a lot faster. Leave it to the Germans to think up something like this, eh? Cheers, everyone.�
�Well, if you�re drinking it,� Alex shrugged, taking another gulp. Following his lead, Emily opened her bottle.
Scout glanced at Leah uncertainly. She looked back, smiling, before she reached for a bottle herself.
�Scout?� asked Josh, eyeing the other boy. Scout thought he could see a challenge in his gaze, half mirthful, half calculating. Here, then, was the gauntlet thrown down at his feet, high-school style.
�Cheers,� Scout said, opening another bottle and tossing back a large gulp.
Part Five
The diner
Vicki had withdrawn to her room upstairs, leaving Ryder and Sean down at the booth with a stack of sandwiches and some blankets and pillows to wait out the night. Outside, the clouds were clearing, and a stream of faint moonlight could be seen glinting off the thick snow that blanketed the street. Inside, the lone candle flame wavered uncertainly, throwing the boys� faces into shadow as they ate their sandwiches in silence.
When he had finished his meal, Ryder lit up again on the candle flame. Leaning back against the wall with a blanket across his lap, he stared into the darkness.
�When d�you suppose we can go home?� Sean finally asked, glancing up briefly.
Ryder merely shrugged. Sean waited, and when it was clear that the other boy wasn�t going to answer, he rolled his eyes and turned back to his sandwich.
�You still smoke?� Ryder asked suddenly, not looking at him.
�Occasionally.�
Ryder jerked the packet of cigarettes in Sean�s direction, still looking the other way. Fighting back a smile, Sean helped himself, lighting up on the candle like the other boy had done. �Is your sister back at Rawley?� he asked.
�Still in New York,� Ryder said, exhaling a stream of smoke. �She�s got a fancy job interview with the New York Times.�
�No kidding?� Sean glanced at him. �The summer internship thing? Krudski�s over there right now.�
�Is that right,� Ryder smirked. �He�d better be prepared to get his arse kicked.�
�You�re saying your sister�s gonna get the job instead of Will?� Sean took a pull on the cigarette. �Come on. He�s like the smartest kid I know.�
�Forrests never lose,� Ryder said blithely. �Especially not my sister.�
�Never lose my ass,� Sean smirked. �What about the time you lost five grand to Joe in poker?�
Ryder coloured slightly. �That was different.�
�Yeah, different cos you lost,� Sean chuckled. �How did that go, anyway? You managed to pay him okay?�
�Yeah, I did,� Ryder answered, staring at the tip of his cigarette. A pause, and he added, clearing his throat. �Thanks. You know, for trying to help us out.�
Sean merely inclined his head with a little smile, knowing better than to try and meet Ryder�s eyes. They smoked on in silence.
***
New York: Ritz-Carlton Hotel
�And then what about the question about your aspirations?� Will asked tensely, leaning forward in his armchair. �How did you answer that? I said stuff about becoming a novel writer, but looking back, I should�ve said investigative reporter because that�d be what they want, right? People who could actually make contributions? God, every prep school kid with a thesaurus wants to be a novelist these days, I bet they get that answer all the time��
He had barely touched his food, which was sent up a half hour ago. Faye, on the other hand, had merrily eaten her way through a platter of antipasto, a small plate of hot chips, five spicy chicken wings, two slices of cheesecake and a scoop of double chocolate ice cream. Now she sat low in her armchair, looking rather sick.
�Or what about the question on your favourite subject at school? I said English, of course, but I bet everyone else said English too. Why couldn�t I have said Politics or something? Oh, but people would�ve said that too� god, it�s just so hard to know when to sound like you�re right for the job and when to sound like an individual so they�ll pick you over all the other kids who are right for the job��
�Will,� Faye interrupted slowly. �Will.�
�Yeah?�
�Shut the hell up,� she said, patting her stomach. �Oh, I feel sick.�
�And whose fault was that?� he replied, looking with amusement at the empty plates heaped in front of her.
�Yours,� she replied without missing a beat. �I had to occupy myself somehow. Can�t have tuned you out otherwise.�
He looked down into his Chinese fried rice, looking vaguely hurt. �I�m just� worried about this.�
�That,� she said. �Or you�re terribly self-involved.�
�Hey!� he exclaimed, looking up. �I�m not self-involved.�
�Sure,� she said dryly. �Cos everyone spends hours analysing the crap out of situations they were in.�
�The interview was important,� he said, the tips of his ears growing red. �Plus, it�s a bit rich, coming from you.�
She raised an eyebrow. �How, exactly?�
�Given your propensity for drama, I hardly think I need to offer examples,� he said, taking a bite of rice.
�Propensity for drama?� she said, bristling. �Look who�s talking!�
�What�s that supposed to mean?�
�While we�re on the subject of propensity for stuff, how about a propensity for love triangles?� she exclaimed. �First with Scout and Bella, and then again with Anita and Maria��
�How did you know about Anita and Maria?� he demanded.
�I put two and two together,� she said, folding her arms. �Plus, Maria�s my friend. We�ve been emailing each other.�
�What did she say about me?� he demanded, realising a second too late when she sat back in her chair and smirked, that this didn�t bode too well for his own case. �Fine,� he said huffily. �Maybe I�m a little self-involved.�
�I know I�m a drama queen,� she shrugged, a grin breaking over her face. �We�re pretty pathetic, really. You think it�s our sense of theatre that screw up our relationships?�
�I�m tempted to say yes,� he said, looking a little sombre at the thought. �I guess� my romantic record has been kinda crash-and-burn, hasn�t it?�
�If you don�t mind my saying,� she said. �You seem to get the idea of a girl, and then somewhere along the way it no longer seems to matter who she actually is.�
He raised an eyebrow. �How so?�
�Sometimes I get the feeling,� she said slowly. �That you only see a girl for what you think she is. It�s like she personifies what you want in a woman, regardless of whether she actually fits that description.�
�Thanks for that, Dr. Freud,� he said a dry chuckle. �I hate to admit it, but that actually kind of made sense. Maybe you�re right.�
�I�m always right,� she laughed.
�You ever apply the same logic to your own relationships?�
Her brow lifted. �Is that a challenge?�
�No, it�s a simple enough question,� he said, leaning back and steepling his fingers. �The Scout situation. All his crap about being jealous of Josh. The boyfriend, the best friend. The best friend, the boyfriend. You must have your own take on that.�
�Sure,� she said, narrowing her eyes slightly. �Not open to sharing, though.�
�But you have no problem analysing the love lives of everyone around you,� he said with a sly glint in his eye. �Hmm. Interesting.�
�Don�t you dare psycho-analyse me, Krudski.�
He smirked. �It�s a natural thing to wonder. Why you analyse everyone except yourself. It suggests a certain departure from intellectual integrity.�
�My, we�re a fan of the big words today,� she said, rolling her eyes toward the ceiling. He merely smiled.
�It�s not that I don�t think about it,� she said finally. �It�s just that sometimes� I think the situation isn�t so easily definable.�
�And everyone else�s are? Come on, Faye, you�ve got to do better than that.�
�Since we�re being so candid already,� she said, spreading her hands, �why don�t you tell me your take on it? Give it the expert opinion.�
He didn�t object. �It�s only right to return the favour after you ripped my relationship ethic to shreds.�
�Go on, then,� she leaned back and copied his pose, though her gaze roamed over his face, looking slightly put-out.
�You,� he said slowly, �are a contradiction.�
�Isn�t everyone?� she replied quickly, quirking an eyebrow.
�Let me finish,� he chuckled. �Maybe you�re right. But you are more of a contradiction than most, Faye; at least in your relationships.�
�How so?�
�You want love,� he said. �That much is clear. But at the same time you want to be this amazing, independent girl who is free to kiss and hug and hang out with her best friend � who is a boy � and get away with it. You want Scout to see you as you really are, a girl sometimes who has flaws and who needs to be protected; but at the same time you don�t let him protect you. When he tries to protect you, you think he�s pulling you down, you think he�s holding you back and limiting what you want to do. That�s why you are a contradiction. That�s why you couldn�t make it work.�
�Whoa,� she held up a hand. �So the break-up was my fault?�
�We�re having an intelligent discussion here,� he groaned. �Please don�t ruin it with emotive girly responses.�
For a moment she looked startled, but then she broke into a smile and nodded slightly. �You�re good, Krudski.�
�Thank you,� he took it in his stride. �You know I don�t mean to push the whole of the blame on you. We all know Scout�s on the obsessive-compulsive side when it comes to relationships. But you�ve also gotta admit that you were trying to have your cake and eat it, too. A loving, symbiotic relationship and total independence? Those two will never go together.�
�Thank you, Dr Freud,� she mimicked his earlier tone with a smile. �God, Krudski, I wouldn�t have thought you had it in ya.�
�I surprise myself sometimes,� he shrugged with a grin.
She smiled back, and after a moment leaned forward, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose. �So what is your prescription for this, doctor?�
�What, your impossibly Utopian way of looking at romance?� he looked taken aback for a moment. �I guess� cut the guy some slack, man. He�s trying. And he loves you. You know that.�
�It feels like I�m constantly cutting him slack,� she moaned.
�That is what love is, Faye,� he said, his voice turning soft. �Leaning toward each other until you meet in the middle. If you think that�s a chore you can�t handle, then maybe Scout�s the wrong person.�
She was quiet for a long time. He didn�t speak either, digging instead into his cold fried rice with relish.
�You�re right,� she said finally. �Josh said something like this to me, not long ago, too. About how much you�re willing to wait around for love. Of course, he was talking about himself at the time, but� it hardly matters. Love is the same for everybody.�
�It really is,� he agreed, setting down his fork. �Faye��
�Yeah?�
�Did�� he hesitated. �Did Maria say� was I the reason she left? Because she couldn�t take it�? I mean, the way I sorta� ignored her when she tried to��
�That was a part of it, yeah.�
He nodded, looking away. �I guess I shouldn�t be surprised.�
�Chin up, soldier,� she said with a good-natured grin. �Things don�t end that easily, in my experience. Unless they�ve completely fallen out of love with you, there are always ways to bring people back.�
***
Rawley Boys� Academy
�Falling out of love,� slurred Josh as he rested his head on Emily�s shoulder, giggling. �Such an� intriguing� concept.�
She, in turn, was lying half in Alex�s lap. �Oh yeah?� she giggled back, �Why is that?�
�Love lasts forever, brother,� Scout piped up, raising his bottle of beer in Josh�s direction. �Isn�t that right?�
�Completely, my friend,� Josh reached out to him, grinning. �Cheers.�
They clinked beer bottles and each took a gulp. They had long worked past Josh�s first stash of the gold leaf beer, and even the second. The third and final stash was piled in the middle of the music room now, though they�d begun to taper off in the drinking. The stuff was potent indeed. �Anyway,� Scout continued, �you can�t just say you�re falling out of love when you can�t take it, it�s just� not that simple��
�Don�t I know it,� sighed Josh, reclining on the floor and looking up at the lights through his beer bottle.
�Oh yeah?� Scout laughed. �What�s� who�s your poison?�
�Haven�t you figured it out by now?� Josh giggled, casting a glazed glance in his direction. �I thought everyone knew. I�ve been so obvious about it� I keep throwing myself in his direction but of course he just stays away� and away� and��
�He�s not worth your time, Joshua,� slurred Alex, lazily running a hand through Emily�s hair.
�You know he�s not,� Emily nodded sagely, sharing a dazed grin with Alex, a look that perhaps lingered for a little longer than usual.
Josh, in his drunken stupor, did not notice. �Love isn�t brains, people,� he mumbled. �If it is, we�d all be��
�Happy,� Leah suddenly piped up from her corner. She, evidently, was a quiet drunk, preferring to listen to everyone else with a smile instead of pitching in herself. However, her gaze was now trained on Josh, her cheeks flushed. �If we didn�t love people who don�t deserve this love, we�d all be fucking happy.�
�Hear, hear,� Scout exclaimed.
�I�ll drink to that,� Josh sighed, raising his bottle again. The others strained to reach, collapsing back on the ground before the cheers had quite gone around. �Hey Scout,� said Josh. �I�m glad you came down here with us.�
�Me too,� Scout said earnestly. The liquor had certainly loosened his tongue; but his logic seemed lighter now, too, slicker and more apt. �I dunno why I hated you so much, man. You�re a decent guy.�
�Thanks!� Josh laughed, too drunk to be offended. �I don�t think anyone�s good enough for my Tinkerbell, but hey, you�re giving it a decent shot, Scout; I never thought I�d live to hear myself say that.�
�You think I still have a shot with her?� Scout asked, interested.
�Are you kidding?� Josh sat up straight. �She�s dying for you to make a move.�
�Seriously?� Scout demanded, wrapping an arm around the other boy�s shoulder. �Dude, that�s the best news I�ve heard since� since�� he blinked, losing his train of thought. �Dude, you don�t mind? I mean, I was an ass, I really was, when I asked her to choose between you and me, man� I dunno what I was thinking��
�That�s ancient history,� laughed Josh, patting him on the chest. �Go for it; you have my blessings.�
�That�s awesome, man,� slurred Scout, hugging the other boy on impulse. �We should hang out more, you and me. We have, like, so much in common��
�Well, one thing, actually,� Josh hugged him back, giggling. �To Faye,� he said, taking another swig of beer.
�I�ll definitely drink to that,� Scout said, raising his bottle to his lips.
Before he could take another gulp, however, the door to the music room opened. Finn stood in the doorway, illuminated by the light of another candle. �Hey guys, just checking�� he began to say, before he took in the sight before him: five teenagers sprawled across the floors, a pile of beer bottles littering the room.
�This is not good,� Josh said sheepishly, still caught in an embrace with Scout.
�You�re damn right it�s not good,� Finn said, his face stony. �Get up, guys. Come back to the common room and try to get some sleep. I�m obviously not gonna talk sense into you in this state. But believe me, we�re going to have a little talk tomorrow morning.�
�Even with us?� Emily piped up, still giggling.
Finn shot a venomous look at her. �You�re a guest in this school, Ms. Bates; I have no authority over you. But you can certainly overstay your welcome.�
�Sorry,� said Alex glumly. �We�re, uh, not used to, you know, schools and rules and shi� stuff.�
�I can see that,� Finn said coldly, watching them get to their feet. �Mr. Sutherland, I�m disappointed in you. Mr. Calhoun and Miss. Rickard��
�We�re sorry, Finn,� Scout mumbled. �We weren�t trying to make trouble. We were just having a good time��
�At the expense of school rules,� Finn said, pursing his lips. �You can be sure your parents will hear about this. But I�m not going into this tonight. I suggest you all follow me back to the common room, and try to sober yourself up a little.�
Sheepishly, the kids picked up their candle and followed his orders. Straggling behind the rest of the group, Josh and Scout made it up the stairs unsteadily. �We�re in trouble already,� Josh said with a small pout. �Great way to start the semester.�
�Are you kidding?� Scout replied, turning to him with a wide grin. �It was totally worth it.�
Josh couldn�t help smiling back.
***
Roadside Lodge
It was growing late, and most of the bus passengers lying about the common area had fallen asleep. The fire was dying down to the last embers, and there was a faint blue-tinged glow coming from the windows, reflections of the night�s light upon the snow, which had finally stopped falling.
�It�s beautiful, isn�t it?� whispered Bella as she and Grace sat beside the window, each wrapped in a blanket and cradling a paper cup of vending machine hot chocolate. �So peaceful.�
�It�s snow, Bella,� Grace said with a smile and a roll of the eyes. �Don�t get poetic on me. I swear, ever since you started writing songs, you�ve been like a hippy.�
�I�m not a hippy!� Bella protested, laughing. A couple of people in the room stirred, uttering sleepy mumbles, and she lowered her voice. �If anyone�s a hippy, it�s your friend Pagan. What�s with those tie-dyed shirts?�
Grace giggled. �His mom brought him up. She�s into that kind of stuff. But I took him shopping before he left for winter break. He�s kinda normal now. He looked really good in this black leather jacket, but he didn�t buy it cos he said his mom would freak if she saw him wearing animal skin��
�It�s good he didn�t,� Bella said. �Sounds like you�re turning him into a Jake clone.�
�I�m not,� Grace pouted. �Pagan�s got his own style. Plus, Jake isn�t even there anymore. I just can�t believe Hamilton put up with so much crap for, like, a year and a half.� She laughed softly. �Either the guy�s a saint, or he�s completely whipped.�
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
�I was not whipped,� Hamilton exclaimed indignantly, realising a second too late that he had spoken rather loudly, and that a fair few smirks were being tossed in his direction, not to mention the muted giggles coming from the tipsy group who�d just been herded back by a grim-looking Finn. He coloured and sank low in the couch, glowering at Lena. �I wasn�t. I love her and I wanted her to stay in Rawley, it�s that simple.�
She was chuckling at the looks that were still being thrown at him. �Yeah, I know. I was just teasing. You should�ve seen the look on your face.�
�So, now you know the whole sorry story,� he sighed. �And naturally you think we�re this completely screwed up couple.�
�I wouldn�t say completely,� she grinned. �I think I get it� some of it, anyway. The part about trying to get her mom�s attention. Believe me, I feel like that sometimes, too. But� REACH? Why didn�t you guys just quit? Thomas looks like he�s about to kill you with his bare hands.�
�I know,� he groaned, darting a quick glance over his shoulder. �We tried to quit, but� things just got out of control. It was like, Jake and me have suddenly turned into the leaders of the gay scene at Rawley. It was completely and utterly insane.�
She couldn�t help laughing. �It really is. God, I just can�t get my head around it. So is Jake gonna come back to the girls� school this semester?�
�I dunno,� he said sombrely, shooting a look at the teachers sitting around the fire. �My dad won�t let her back in. I�ve never seen him so angry. He would�ve forbidden me to see her at all, except he knows I�ll never listen to him if it came down to that.�
�What about your mom?�
�She doesn�t really talk about it,� he sighed, his eyes darkening at the thought. �She gets this look, though. Like she�d been really horribly betrayed. Which I guess is true, sort of� but� I dunno. It�s all just messed up right now. Jake�s back in New Rawley for some reason and I need to talk to her. She�s locked in Bella�s garage with Pagan, of all people; I think they�re gonna kill each other.�
***
The gas station
�My stomach is killing me,� Jake complained, glancing at Pagan. �Aren�t you hungry?�
�A little,� he admitted, looking around. �Have they got any food?�
A quick search around the desk drawers turned up a packet of peanut M&Ms. They split the packet between them, munching slowly on the chocolates. Jake checked her watch again, sighing. �It�s getting late.�
�Do you have to be somewhere?� he asked tentatively.
Her shake of the head was nearly imperceptible as she glanced at him, a note of contempt in her eyes as though to say �and whose fault is that?�
Colouring slightly, he looked away. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, she asked, her voice quiet, �So� how are your parents doing?�
He shot a startled look at her. She averted her eyes quickly, �Never mind.�
�They�re doing okay,� he said after a pause. �They�re on holiday together, working things out.�
She chewed on her lower lip. �That�s good.�
�I�� he began to say, before he shook his head and fell quiet, turning to look at the snow-covered ground outside.
�What?� she asked, looking up hopefully.
He shrugged. �I guess� maybe I kinda� I didn�t� mean to� well, I dunno. It was just so sudden and my parents never really fought like that before and then I found out you were a girl and�� he trailed off, biting his lower lip, looking ill at ease.
�You know what?� she smiled wryly. �I understand. Even though it kinda all sucks, I do understand why you did it.�
He nodded and popped another M&M in his mouth, chewing contemplatively. �Um,� he said, looking rather timid to be asking the question. �So, like, where are you going to school now? Rawley Girls�?�
�Not while Hamilton�s dad is still the Dean,� she answered, a little sadly.
He bit his lip again, glancing up at her, the look in his eyes contrite.
�But it�s gonna be all right, I think,� she smiled faintly. �I�m enrolling at Edmund High. You know, the local high school.�
�Really?�
�I want� I need,� she corrected herself, �to stay close to Hamilton. If I can�t go to Rawley, at least I can stay here and be with him.�
�Where are you gonna live?� he asked, wide-eyed. �With Grace and Bella?�
She shook her head. �There�s no room here. We haven�t talked yet, but Will�s mom is looking for boarders. I think we can figure something out.�
�And your mom is okay with you going to�� he trailed off, not knowing what to say.
�From the most prestigious school on the east coast to the townie school?� she finished for him. A pause, and she added simply, �My mom understands.�
He nodded, meeting her eyes and giving her a tentative smile.
Part Six
Roadside lodge
*Bj�rk�s �Possibly Maybe� plays*
Your flirt finds me out, teases the crack in me
Smittens me with hope
Possibly maybe, possibly maybe
The silence of the lodge common area was interspersed with the sound of soft regular breaths. It was late, and everyone else had drifted off to sleep. Grace, however, was lying on her back on the makeshift bed beside the fireplace, looking up at the ceiling, her dark eyes glittering under the splinter of light that shone in through the windows.
�How do you know when you like a guy?� she asked suddenly.
As much as I definitely enjoy solitude
I wouldn't mind perhaps spending a little time with you
Sometimes
Possibly maybe, probably love
�What?� asked Bella, who was starting to drift off herself, yawning as she glanced over at her sister.
�What do you mean �what�,� Grace said, sounding a little disgruntled. �It�s a simple question.�
�It�s a weird one,� Bella replied, careful to keep her voice down lest they disturb the others. �When you like someone, you just� like them. You don�t need to figure it out; you just know.�
Uncertainty excites me, babe
Who knows what's going to happen?
Lottery or car crash, or you join a cult
Probably maybe, possibly love
Probably maybe, possibly love, possibly
�Oh.� Grace sounded genuinely bemused. �But how do you know if you like them instead of just, you know, liking them?�
�Huh?�
�You know,� Grace�s voice had taken on an air of impatience. �Like for a boyfriend.�
Bella turned, her eyes widening with incredulity. �Grace, you�ve had boyfriends. You�ve probably had more boyfriends than the rest of the girls from Edmund put together.�
�I�m not talking about that,� Grace said irritably. �None of those guys were boyfriends. They were just�� she shrugged, still staring up at the ceiling. �They were different, okay? I�m talking about a proper boyfriend here. The kind that everyone else seems to have except me. Bella� I really don�t get this stuff. Relationship stuff.�
�Gracie,� Bella furrowed her brows. �I��
Mon petit vulcan, you are eruptions and disasters
I keep calm admiring your lava, I keep calm
Possibly maybe, probably love
�Does it feel different?� Grace murmured, more to herself than her sister. �With the other guys, it�s like a fever; it comes and goes. You want to be with them and you want them to take you away from here. You let them do things to you and you might like it because it feels good; but you both know it�s a game and you both know you�re just having fun and nothing�s actually gonna change. What does it feel like, actually liking a person? It�s gotta be different to that.�
�I guess,� Bella said uncertainly. �Do you feel happy when he�s around? Do you wanna hang out with him a lot?�
�Is it what you feel,� Grace asked, �when you�re with David?�
Bella blushed. �I guess.�
�Hmm.�
Electric shocks? I love them! With you, a dozen a day
But after a while I wonder
Where's that love you promised me? Where is it?
Possibly maybe, probably love, possibly
Possibly maybe, probably love, possibly
�I don�t know, Grace,� sighed Bella. �It�s a strange question. I need to think about it. When you like someone� it�s like the room is a little brighter if they are in it. It feels like they could make your life better and worse at the same time.�
�Does it feel like summer, too?�
Bella frowned. �What?�
�Does it feel like summer?� Grace repeated, her tone serious. �When he smiles? Do you feel happy when you don�t do anything except look at him? Does it feel like you always have this small, white star buried in your chest, one you can carry around with you, and when you think about it, it makes you feel special, and makes you feel happy. Does that even make sense? Does it feel like time�s going both slower and faster when he�s around? Do you feel like you want to protect him from all the things he can�t protect himself from? Do you ever sit around and think about the shape of his hands, or the way he walks? Do you��
�Grace,� Bella interrupted, her voice quiet. �Grace.�
�Yeah?� it sounded as though Grace stopped herself with an effort. �What?�
�I don�t think�� Bella licked her dry lips. �I really don�t think you�re talking about just liking a guy anymore.�
How can you offer me love like that?
My heart's burned
How can you offer me love like that?
I'm exhausted, leave me alone
There was a long pause. Bella turned, trying to make out her sister�s expression in the dark, but all she could see was a profile outlined in the bluish reflected light from the snow outside, the wide-open eyes.
�Oh,� Grace said finally, her voice very faint. �Oh, whoa.�
Possibly maybe, possibly maybe
Possibly maybe�
***
The diner
�So how are things going with you?� Sean asked casually. Despite their distance over the past year, he still recalled a different time to their friendship, one that made him feel like he was perhaps someone other than who he was, growing up in this small town all these years with the ingrained sense of wounded pride. Hanging out with Ryder did that to people: his acid demeanour and careless swagger rubbed off.
Ryder shrugged. �Father kicked me out.�
�Seriously?� Sean�s eyebrows nearly shot off the top of his head. �What happened?�
Ryder shrugged again. �I figured out I couldn�t stand working for the bastard. So I told him to sod off.�
�But�� Sean was at a loss for words. �What about� is he still giving you money?�
Ryder glanced up with a smirk. �Not so much. He�s still paying for school, but that�s about it.�
�So what are you living on?�
�That�s a good question,� Ryder chuckled, stubbing out his cigarette. �Maybe it�s time for me to get a famous blue polo shirt from here, eh?�
Sean stared at him. �You can�t be serious.�
�I have standards, McGrail,� Ryder shot him an exasperated look. �I�m playing poker with some guys in Carson. It doesn�t pay much, but it gets me through.�
�You seriously had me worried for a minute.�
�I�m touched,� Ryder said dryly.
�I heard you moved out of the dorms a while ago,� Sean said. �What�s that about?�
Ryder�s expression became suddenly and inexplicably stony. �Who told you this?�
Sean shrugged, taken aback. �You were living in Joe�s basement, I didn�t think it was some big secret. You have a fight with Josh or something? I hear you were rooming with him last semester.�
�That�s none of your business,� Ryder replied, lighting up another cigarette.
Sean raised an eyebrow, a little offended. �What,� he said crisply. �Did he try to come on to you or somethin�?�
Ryder swivelled sharply in his direction, his eyes narrowing to slits.
�Or,� Sean added, his voice icy. �Maybe you came on to him.�
Faster than Sean could register, Ryder lunged across the table and grabbed him by the shirtfront, nearly knocking the candle over in his violent scramble. �Watch your mouth, McGrail,� he spat, his eyes looking almost black in the dim light, his face pale with sudden anger.
�D�j�-vu, Ryder,� Sean said simply, a glint of malicious amusement in his eyes. �Don�t get too fond of doing this.�
With a clatter Ryder let the other boy go, falling back and pressing his back to his side of the booth, seemingly as though he was trying to as much distance between them as possible. The candle flame flickered dangerously, and he turned his face away, taking a deep pull on the cigarette.
�Why did you have to bring that up?� he asked, his voice low and suddenly sounding very tired.
�Cos frankly, I think we need to talk about it,� Sean replied, leaning forward and folding his arms across the tabletop.
�We don�t need to talk about anything,� Ryder said, and his voice would have been vehement if there was any conviction left in it. As it were, though, he merely sounded bone-weary, as though all his energy had been suddenly drained at Sean�s earlier words. He looked away from the light, and only his defined profiled remained in view, etched in faint flickering copper.
�Well then, I do,� Sean said persistently.
�Why are you bringing this up?� Ryder demanded, and in the candlelight Sean could see his eyes turning to stormy grey. �It�s been a year, McGrail, get over it! I have!�
�You kissed me!� Sean exclaimed, losing his composure. �What the fuck was that about, Ryder? I tried to block it out and forget about it but seriously, I just can�t understand it. What the hell went on that night? Are you gay? Because that�s fine, whatever; but you don�t seem gay��
�I don�t wanna fucking talk about it!� Ryder shouted, clenching his fists. �So just� shut up, okay? Just shut the hell up! You have no idea what you�re even talking about!�
�So you�re not gay?� Sean demanded.
There was a millisecond of a pause. �No,� Ryder replied.
But the damage was done. The moment he took to even contemplate this question remained between them, with the inchoate weight it carried, the silent burden.
Sean stared at him. �Oh my god, you are gay.�
�I�m not!� Ryder exclaimed hotly. �Stop� fucking� saying� that! I like girls, all right? Nothing wrong with girls!�
�Why did you kiss me, then?�
Ryder turned away. �I�m not having this conversation, Sean.�
�That�s right,� Sean muttered, leaning back. �Just� walk away. Ignore the problem. Pretend it never happened. God, Ryder, sometimes your ability to avoid things astounds me. Do you just shut out everything that you can�t handle? Do you just go and pick your brain clean of all the things that you did and can�t admit to��
He suddenly sat up stock straight, staring at Ryder. �Oh my god,� he said.
Ryder looked back apprehensively. �What now?�
�There�s something between you and Josh, isn�t there?�
Ryder turned a sudden, impossible shade of white. �No,� he said weakly, grinding his cigarette down on the tabletop, leaving a brown-black scorch mark on the Formica.
�Oh my god,� Sean repeated, still staring at him. �That�s what it is. It makes sense now. You moving out of the dorms, the whole scene with him fainting at Joe�s party��
�You have no idea what you�re talking about,� Ryder repeated through gritted teeth, staring avidly at the burnt spot on the tabletop.
�Now I know I�m right,� Sean said triumphantly. �God, Ryder, don�t you realise you only ever say that when someone�s right about something? You� and Josh? What the hell�s going on?�
�Don�t,� Ryder said, his voice very quiet.
Sean saw that his hands had gripped onto the table, so hard that the edge of it was biting into his palm. �Hey man,� he said worriedly, �I didn�t mean to� you know, push.�
Ryder gave a wary laugh. �Oh yeah?�
�I just�� Sean swallowed. �I just couldn�t figure things out. And now��
�Now what?� Ryder snapped. �You know nothing, McGrail; absolutely nothing at all. And if you dare talk to anyone else about it��
�You know I wouldn�t do that.�
Ryder glanced up for a brief second, his expression one of abject mistrust.
�Ryder,� Sean said slowly. �We used to be friends. I�m not saying we should, like, have a heart to heart or anything sappy like that; but if you ever� you know, wanna talk, I can be there to listen.�
�What a pathetic little speech, McGrail,� Ryder said, and his eyes seemed to be burning with anger and also something darker, more undefined. �Did they teach you this at that little phone counselling thing you go to?�
�It�s called being a friend, Ryder,� Sean said quietly, settling back against the wall. �You might want to consider it sometime.�
Ryder didn�t answer. After a few moments, however, he glanced at the other boy, almost as though he had done so against his better judgment. Sean was gazing at him, his brows furrowed in concern. Ryder swallowed and looked away.
***
The gas station
The winter night had invaded the glassed office, making the interior almost as cold as the outside. Jake and Pagan�s breaths frosted the air before them, and they sat huddled on their respective chairs, wrapped as tightly as possible under their jackets, trying to keep their teeth from chattering. �This� really sucks,� murmured Pagan.
�I�m not arguing that point,� Jake answered with a sigh. However, the next moment she perked up. �Listen! Someone�s coming.�
Sure enough, there was the sound of boots crunching on snow, and it was coming closer. As Pagan got to his feet, there came the unmistakable sound of a key turning in the front door lock. At that moment the lights overhead snapped back on, making both of them exclaim in surprise. Before they had time to react, there was the sound of footsteps hurrying toward them. �Oh my god,� Charlie Banks exclaimed as he unlocked the door to the office. �How long have you guys been here? How did you get in? How��
�Uh, I gotta pee,� Jake exclaimed, dashing into the lounge and racing up the stairs. �Thanks, Charlie��
Charlie and Pagan stared after her. �Um�� Pagan said, �thanks, Charlie. We�ve been stuck here since this afternoon.�
�I had to meet someone about a gas order,� Charlie explained as he led the boy into the kitchen. �Took me a while to walk back in the snow. What are you two doing here, Pagan?�
�I came back to school today,� Pagan answered, watching the older man put on the kettle and start fixing hot tea. �Thought I�d drop by to visit Grace.�
�Well, she�s in New York visiting you,� Charlie grinned, glancing at him over his shoulder.
�I know, I called her cell,� Pagan said shyly as the man handed him a cup of tea and set a packet of biscuits down on the table. �Thanks, Charlie.�
�So,� the older man said, glancing toward the direction in which Jake had disappeared up the stairs. �Jake� is��
�Oh god,� Pagan said, startled. �Someone told you, right? You didn�t just realise��
�Oh, no,� Charlie chuckled, pouring another cup of tea and sitting down at the table. �Bella told me after they�d split for winter break. But suddenly seeing him� her like that��
�Yeah, I know what you mean.�
�I heard from Grace that you were the one who� uh,� Charlie paused delicately, with a questioning look.
�Told the teachers about it,� Pagan stared down into his tea. �Yeah. I was� she did something�� Trailing off, he shook his head. �It all seems so stupid now. Maybe� maybe I overreacted. What she does is her own business. Maybe I shouldn�t have�� he sighed. �I�m not so proud of that moment.�
�We�ve all done things we�re not so proud of, son,� Charlie said gently. �We can�t change that. All that matters now is what you�re gonna do next.�
Pagan nodded slowly, glancing toward the empty stairwell again.
***
Roadside lodge
The next morning was bright and clear, the winter sun trying valiantly to warm the snow-covered streets with its impotent rays. The lodge was slowly bustling again after the lethargy of last night had worn off, and most of the bus passengers were starting to stir, getting up and shaking out their limbs stiff from a night spent on the floor.
�Grace,� Bella shook her sister, who was still sound asleep in her makeshift bed on the floor. �Grace.�
The younger girl murmured sleepily, half-opening her eyes with a groan. �What?�
�You�ve got to get up,� Bella said, looking around at the milling people. �The Interstate�s finally open. The bus is gonna be leaving in a half hour. They told us to get ready.�
�Yeah, okay,� muttered Grace, rubbing her eyes and straining to pull herself up. �God, I think my back�s broken.�
Bella stifled a smile. �It�s not that bad. Come on.�
�You can afford to be happy,� Grace moaned, struggling to her feet. �David�s in New York. What am I supposed to do there now?�
�I�m sure you�ll find something,� Bella laughed.
***
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
The electricity had come on late last night, all the overhead lights and the TV screens snapping on at once, startling everyone out of their slumber. After mass disgruntled confusion, the general consensus had been that going back to their own rooms featured too much of an effort, and the kids went back to sleep in the common room, warm and drowsy beside the fire.
Hamilton and Michael were curled up in the armchairs by the bookshelf; Thomas had fallen asleep in the deep couch next to the TV; Lena and Leah were stretched out beside the fireplace like twin ginger cats; Alex and Emily had fallen asleep leaning on each other�s shoulder in an oversized loveseat further away. Josh and Scout were sprawled across the large couch by the window, having giggled half the night away, still riding on their beer-induced camaraderie. Reese Alexander, the new art teacher, was asleep sitting upright in an armchair, his head tilting to one side in an uncomfortable fashion.
Finn and Kathy, however, were still engaged in quiet conversation beside the now-extinguished fire, as they had done through the long night. �You�re never gonna convince me,� said Kathy, giggling. �The man�s a genius with words, sure; but the bottom line�s that he�s too overrated. Give me Marlowe any day.�
�Blasphemy!� Finn exclaimed theatrically, lowering his voice when a few of the students uttered sleepy groans. Smiling at Kathy, he added, �No praise is worthy enough of Shakespeare.�
�Not by your standards, anyway,� she laughed, casting a glance over her shoulder at the sleeping students. �Should we wake them? It must be time for me to take the girls back.�
�Let them sleep some more,� he said quietly.
She nodded, glancing at him. There was a small lull, slightly charged with awkwardness. As their eyes met they broke into identical smiles. �I think,� he said, �this is the part where I ask you out.�
She blushed. �Yeah?�
�There comes a point,� he chuckled, �after you�ve stayed up talking for the entire night.�
�Is that right?� she asked teasingly. �And I suppose this is the point now?�
�It is,� he grinned. �I enjoyed spending time with you, Kathy, back when we were doing the production together. I thought maybe we had something, but of course the timing wasn�t so good when you took your break. And now seeing that you�re back, I would like to test that theory.�
She returned his grin, a little shyly. �I would like that, too.�
***
The gas station
Jake awoke to a patch of light falling across her eyes, and for a moment she couldn�t remember where she was. Then she took in the flowered wallpaper and gauzy white curtains, the pale winter sunshine pouring through the window, and she recalled that Charlie had put her up in Bella�s room for the night.
She looked across the room to Grace�s bed, on which Pagan burrowed into a sleeping bag, leaving visible only a mop of straight dark hair so akin to her own.
She watched him; without her quite realising it, a small smile stole over her face.
***
The diner
�My back�s killing me,� complained Sean as he and Ryder walked out of the door, their shoes crunching on the snow. It had melted a little since sunrise, enough for Vicki to clear the doorway so they could finally get out. Looking out along Main Street, they could see the heavy covering of soft white across rooftops, mounds of it beside shops where the owners had come out with brooms and shovels, sweeping the pavements clear. A few giggling kids, wrapped up snugly in hats, scarves and mittens, were running around with zealous fervour over who could construct the largest snowman. The town seemed as though it were rousing itself after a long silent sleep.
*Interpol�s �Evil� plays*
�Quit your complaining,� said Ryder, lighting up. A momentary pause, and he glanced at Sean, offering the other boy a cigarette. Sean smiled and took it, leaning in to light it on Ryder�s silver lighter.
Leave some shards under the belly, lay some grease inside my hand
It's a sentimental jury, and the makings of a good plan
You've come to love me nightly, yeah you've come to hold me tight
Is this motion everlasting, or do shutters pass in the night?
***
New York: Ritz-Carlton Hotel
Will had gotten up early, and was busy writing in his journal in an armchair beside the window, enjoying the rare sunshine. �Sleep well?� Faye asked as she padded out of her ensuite bathroom, wearing a white bathrobe and a matching towel-turban over her head.
�King-sized bed in a five-star hotel room?� he replied with a grin, capping his pen and turning around. �I suppose it could�ve been worse.�
She laughed. �Give me a minute to get dressed and we�ll head down. This place does the best breakfast buffet. We should be back at Rawley by the early afternoon.�
�Sounds great,� he answered, carefully closing his journal. �Hey��
She paused on the threshold of her room. �Yeah?�
�I�m glad we had that conversation last night,� he said, a little awkwardly. �It�s cool getting to know you, Faye.�
She smiled at him. �Likewise, Krudski. Of course, if you mention anything we said to Scout� you�re dead meat.�
�I got it,� he laughed, watching the door close behind her. Turning back to the window, he looked out at the New York skyline, sighing in contentment.
*Will�s voiceover starts*
�Sometimes I surprise myself when I look at the people around me and realise that I didn�t actually know them that well. I think it�s nice when people can still surprise you. It�s another new semester, and a new year. I hope it�s one of new friendships, new relationships, and above all new beginnings. I can�t wait to see what it brings.�
Rosemary
Oh, heaven restores you in life
I spent a lifespan with no cellmate, the long way back
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
***
New York University, Rubin Residence Hall
David Stephenson was alone in his dorm room, fiddling around with a short film clip on his laptop. A knock sounded on the door and he called, not looking up, �Come in.�
The door swung inwards, revealing Bella standing out in the hall with a tentative smile. David didn�t glance over for another moment, but when he did, a bright grin broke over his face. �What are you doing here?� he asked, jumping to his feet and extending a hand.
She walked in with a teasing twinkle in her eye, taking the proffered hand. �Not happy to see me?�
�Are you kidding?� he exclaimed. �It�s great to see you. Guess what, the Amnesia video�s nearly done, it�s right here on my laptop, I�m going down to transfer it onto tape later this afternoon. You wanna have a look?�
�Maybe later,� she said mischievously, and without further elaboration reached up and kissed him quickly on the lips.
�What was that for?� he smiled as she pulled back.
�I dunno,� she shrugged. �Just felt right, somehow.�
�And�� he leaned forward, kissing her again lightly. �Does this feel right, too?�
�Maybe,� she replied, laughing. �Come on, my sister�s waiting outside. We�re taking you out to lunch � my treat � and then you�re gonna show us the sights. Sound good?�
�Sounds good,� he chuckled, letting her tug him out of the room, her hand warm and small in his own. �Sounds very good indeed��
You're weightless, semi-erotic
You need someone to take you there
Sandy, why can't we look the other way?
Why can't we just play the other game?
Why can't we just look the other way?
