Author's note: You will have noticed in the banner that Faye has gotten a haircut. In fact, she now looks remarkably like Charlize Theron. This does not mean that I actually want Charlize Theron to play her part, in the same way that I don�t actually want Brian Molko to play Josh. But as far as banners go, Charlize is going to be the Official Face of Faye from now on.
Acknowledgements: Jeremy � thanks for that �cutting� insight into girl quizzes. :D Luge is a real band, The Heights was a real place. I hope that the related persons won�t mind the cameo.
Part 1 Teaser
Oh, we're sinking like stones
All that we fall for
Homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for
Carson, Donna Banks� house
Bella Banks sat outside on the patio this bright summer morning, awkwardly holding an acoustic guitar in her lap. Carefully watching as she changed her chord fingering once in a while, she was tentatively and slowly strumming out the song �Don�t Panic� by Coldplay. Halting at times to readjust her fingering or to check the tablature she had put beside her, she sang along softly.
We live in a beautiful world
Yeah we do, yeah we do
We live in a beautiful world
Oh, all that I know
There's nothing here to run from
And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on�
She finished by strumming the last couple of chords, and set the guitar down, examining her fingertips. They were quite red, and she grimaced as she tentatively touched her index fingers together, not quite expecting the soreness that the small action induced.
�You�ll get used to it soon enough,� David Stephenson said from his seat a couple of steps down the patio stairs, perched lengthwise along the bottom step, his long legs stretched out in front of him. �It hurts now, but wait until you move up to steel strings. That�s when the bleeding comes in.�
She smiled weakly, �I don�t think I�ll ever want to move on to steel strings.�
�You�re such a girl,� he teased lightly. �Come on, want to try playing it again? The last time sounded pretty good, you�re really getting the hang of this.�
***
Rawley Academy
Anita Simons� silver Mercedes pulled into the student parking lot, and Will Krudski jumped out of it as soon as it came to a standstill. �All right,� he declared, �we�re done.�
�Don�t thank me for the ride or anything,� Anita said sourly, emerging from the driver�s seat.
�Thank you,� he said, throwing her an irritable look. �Cheer up, will you? We�ve finally finished the damn thing.�
�Things could go wrong even after they get to the printers, you know,� she pointed out, �we might not have proofread enough times and you know there�s probably this big glaring spelling mistake right on the front page, in the middle of the Dean�s address or something.�
�Hey,� he tried to lighten things up with a smile, �I thought worrying about things like this was my specialty.�
�It rubs off,� she declared. �I can�t believe I spent most of this summer cooped up in a classroom working with you.�
�What�s that supposed to mean?� he asked, insulted.
�Just that I could have had a lot more fun if I got to hang out with someone who wasn�t so whiny all the time,� she retorted. As an afterthought she added, �and demanding.�
�I was demanding because I had to be!� he exclaimed. �Otherwise nothing would�ve gotten done, and we sure as hell wouldn�t be here right now having just sent everything to the printers!�
�Whatever,� she shrugged, �I�m glad you got your massive sense of accomplishment from this. I�m leaving now to enjoy what�s left of my summer.�
�If you hated it so much,� he crossed his arms, �why did you sign up for it in the first place?�
�Cos I actually thought it would have been fun!� She threw the words over her shoulder as she flounced away in the direction of the girls� dormitories. �Instead I got a bastard slave-driver editor who ran everybody to the ground and was never satisfied with anybody�s work except his own��
�I was just trying to make it work�� Will tried to exclaim loudly at her retreating figure, but the brunette merely raised her hands in a gesture of complete disregard. �I hate you!� He declared loudly, glaring at her back.
�I hate you,� came the reply as Anita strutted away.
Will leaned back against the car, arms still crossed over his chest. His brows were set in a deep furrow, and he breathed out heavily.
*Will�s voiceover begins*
�Another end to Summer Session � things have gone by in such a blur. And after I spent this entire summer doing what I thought was an interesting and worthwhile thing to do, now that it is finished, I�m not quite so sure. Am I supposed to have grown and learnt through all this time? It seems like I should feel that I�m older after Summer Session this year, just like last year; but the truth is, I don�t. I don�t feel wiser or more learned or anything like that, I just feel overworked, strung-out and I�m ready for a real vacation. But what I can�t figure out this time is what went wrong.�
The day was young, and beautiful, while overhead the summer sky was bright cobalt blue, but he did not once turn his mind to these surroundings. Instead he whirled around with an irritated expression, and strode off quickly toward the boys� dorms.
Part 2 *Opening credits and theme song*
Carson, Donna Banks� house
�Great,� said David, scrutinising Bella�s fingering as she ran through �Don�t Panic� one more time. �I can tell you�re growing comfortable with it.�
She strummed the last couple of chords with a flourish and smiled, �It�s weird, I didn�t think I was cut out for this sort of thing.�
�Sometimes hidden talents can surprise you,� he winked, standing up. �I gotta go, my friend�s cooking dinner tonight and I think I better go supervise him, or I may not live to see you at tomorrow�s lesson.�
She laughed. �Okay. Do you want to take your guitar?�
�No, you hold onto it,� he grinned, walking off the porch steps. �You can have it until one of us leaves.�
�Thanks,� she said, �see you tomorrow.� He waved over his shoulder and sauntered off in the direction of his friend�s house a few blocks away, where he was staying for the summer.
Bella was just about to return to the guitar when her mother walked out onto the porch, holding two tall glasses. �Hey baby,� she said softly, sitting down beside her daughter. �I made some lemonade.�
Bella looked up, brushing her long hair off her face. �Thanks mom,� she smiled, taking a sip from the glass that her mother handed her.
�David seems like a nice boy,� Donna nodded in the direction that he disappeared off to. �We chatted when he came in to make coffee.�
�Oh yeah?� Bella said absently, shuffling the tablature beside her and looking at some other songs that David had picked out for her to try. �What did you talk about?�
Donna shrugged, �The usual. Where he�s going to school, what he�s studying, that sort of thing.�
�He showed me a couple of his short films the other day,� Bella replied. David was a film student at New York University.
�What did you think of them?� Her mother took a sip of lemonade.
�Didn�t really get them, to be honest.� Bella laughed, �But they were incredibly beautiful which, I guess, was half the point.�
Donna smiled. �Are you going out on a date again?�
The grin faded from Bella�s lips, although a small blush was rather obviously climbing up her cheeks. �I don�t know��
�I guess only moms notice this sort of thing,� Donna mused, �but ever since you met him, you�ve been smiling more.�
Bella turned and looked at the older woman, who was scrutinising at her with a loving gaze. �When you first came here,� Donna continued, �you just hung around as though you didn�t know what you could do to pass the time. But now that he�s here�� she gestured at the guitar, �you�re learning to play music, you have long discussions with him, and you laugh a lot.�
Bella blushed. �I guess I do.�
�He seems good for you, baby,� Donna said, standing up. �I know I don�t really have the right to say things a normal mother does�� she fell quiet, catching Bella�s eye before looking away.
�No, mom� that was in the past,� Bella stood up too, putting a hand on her mother�s shoulder. �I don�t� I mean, I�d be lying if I say it didn�t hurt, not having you for so long� but I�m glad I finally got to know you this way.�
�Really?� Donna looked at her shyly.
�Well,� Bella grinned, �I guess I don�t think of you so much as a mother than a big sister��
Donna laughed softly, �I could live with that. God knows with my fear of responsibility, it�s probably better.�
Bella chuckled. Donna grinned back, and turned back to the house, �Meat loaf for dinner, sound good?�
�Yeah,� Bella picked up the guitar and her various bits of paper, �Wait, I�ll come help.�
�You don�t have to�� Donna began to protest, but Bella cut her off, �Hey, I don�t know if I�m a daughter or a sister, but if we�re any sort of a family, I think it�s an unspoken rule that I�ve got to help in the kitchen.�
Donna grinned and didn�t protest.
***
New Rawley Beauty Salon
Susan Krudski stood back from her customer and surveyed her handiwork. Once she was satisfied with the cut, she rubbed a dollop of hair wax between her hands and ran it through the short, blonde crop. �It�s a big change, isn�t it?� She asked the girl in the mirror with a smile, �but it looks good.�
�Does that mean you�re finished?� asked the guy who came in with the girl, who spent the last hour lounging in the waiting area. He looked up from the magazine that he was holding, tossing it to one side contemptuously. �It�s about time,� he complained in a thick British accent, fixing his hard gaze on Susan, �are all hairdressers as slow as this, or is it just you?�
�Play nice, Ryder,� Faye Archer swung around on the hairdresser�s chair, running a hand experimentally through her new short hair. It was a feathery crop, which offset her high cheekbones and startling violet eyes. �Don�t listen to him,� she smiled at Susan, lowering her voice, �he�s never got a good word for anyone so please don�t take it personally.� Glancing back at her reflection, she grinned. �I love it.�
�Everything would look good with those cheekbones,� Susan smiled, choosing to ignore Ryder Forrest. Given the accent, the nastiness, and now the acknowledgement of his name, she was sure this was the same guy whom her son had to share a room with at school, and complained non-stop about. She turned back to Faye instead, �But why such a dramatic change? Getting tired of your old look?�
�Why does anyone shear off all their hair?� Faye asked her in turn, �To me it seems like an easy way to prove to the world you�re making a new beginning. There�s no pain, but you�re physically leaving a part of you behind. It�s liberating.�
The older woman looked at her knowingly. �Bad break-up?�
Faye laughed, �That transparent, huh?� She got up and fetched her purse. �Thanks,� she said again after she had paid, �I love what you�ve done.�
�It was my pleasure,� Susan was charmed.
Faye turned to her brother, who was loitering at the door impatiently. �All right, I�m coming,� she muttered, ruffling his hair playfully as they walked out onto the street, �Why are you in such a hurry anyway? It�s not like you had anything going on.�
�I don�t know why you couldn�t have come yourself,� he grumbled, �why did I have to be there?�
�Because, dear brother,� she said airily, �your taste is the only one I trust around here�� Looking ahead, her sentence broke off when she noticed Will Krudski walking this way, with Scout Calhoun closely in tow.
�I�ll just go say hi to my mom,� Will said, coming to an abrupt stop as he noticed the Forrest siblings exiting the salon. Scout walked into him. �Watch it, man�� he began to say, before his jaw fell open at the sight of Faye, who was walking directly at them, brand-new haircut and all. It was such a dramatic change that, for a moment, he almost didn�t recognise her.
He opened his mouth as though he was going to say something as they passed, but she moved closer to Ryder and deliberately turned her head the other way.
The two of them walked past him without so much as a first glance, let alone a second one.
�Whoa,� Will muttered under his breath, turning to watch their backs, �that was harsh, man.�
�She hadn�t spoken to me since�� Scout said miserably, turning back to his friend, �� you know.�
�Since you made her choose between you and her best friend.� Will finished for him, shaking his head. �Well done, Einstein. Didn�t Sean and I tell you explicitly not to do that?�
�I don�t know what I was thinking, all right?� Scout moaned as they entered the beauty salon, �I was��
�Mad with jealousy,� Will shook his head again, not sure how to console his friend. Catching sight of his mother, he grinned, �Hey mom.�
�Hey baby,� Susan walked over to give him a bear hug. �Hello Scout! How are you?�
�Fine, Mrs Krudski,� Scout said politely, noticing the heap of ice-blonde hair on the floor that Susan was sweeping up. In a way it was shocking, seeing a part of Faye that she seemed to simply have shed and discarded at a moment�s notice. It was a frightening thought to him that, maybe, she could do that to people as well.
***
Ryder glanced at his sister after they walked past Scout and Will without a word. Her lips were set in a resolute, hard line, and she was silent.
�I never thought he was good enough for you,� he said, patting around his pockets and looking for a smoke.
�Don�t start, Ryder.� She said wearily, running an experimental hand through her hair again. The feel of a breeze on her neck was unexpected and she shivered, despite the warmth of the summer day.
�I�m not starting,� he said evenly, sticking a cigarette in between his lips, �I�m just��
�I just� I don�t want to talk to him right now.� She looked away.
�What are you doing over the break?� he finally asked after a few moments spent in thoughtful silence, dodging the subject that she so much wanted to avoid.
They had three weeks off between Summer Session and Fall Semester. She shrugged. �I dunno, go back to mother�s, maybe. I haven�t seen her for a while.� She didn�t look too thrilled at the prospect of spending the rest of summer with their mother and whoever happened to be her resident Boy Toy du jour. �Or a random road trip somewhere� I don�t care where.� She glanced around at the quaint small-town street, trying not to frown, �I just can�t take this town anymore. I need some time away to, you know, sort things out.�
He nodded. And after a pause, haltingly, he asked in a quiet voice, �have you heard from Josh?�
She darted a glance at him, but he kept his eyes averted. �Yeah,� she said curtly, �he doesn�t think he�s coming back to Rawley in the fall.�
�Why not?� he asked innocently.
She looked at him, �Isn�t a question I should be asking you?�
He held the cigarette between his thumb and index finger, examining it so carefully that the gesture appeared almost comic. �I don�t know what you mean,� he said, exhaling a lungful of smoke.
She sighed, leaving that part of the conversation untouched and the heavy, implicit meanings hanging over their heads. �� Anyway, he broke up with Malcolm.�
He glanced at her, a brief flash in his eyes. She pretended not to notice and continued, �and he said he�s not going to feel too comfortable at Rawley, what with Malcolm being around, and�� she shrugged, again passing over in silence what could not be said.
�I don�t want to see him leave again, Ryder,� she stated after a brief lull. �It�s been years since the three of us have been together in one place, and I don�t want it to change.�
�Change is inevitable,� he said woodenly, staring straight ahead.
�But does it have to be so fast?� she said sadly, looking up at the sky. The winds were strong overhead with wisps of white clouds racing by, their movements fluid like water. �I want him to come back here,� she continued, �I want all of us to be back here again, like it once was��
�When did you become so idealistic?� he asked with a small smirk.
She looked straight at him. �I�m not being idealistic. I just want to be able to keep an eye on Josh. You saw how sick he looked last time he was here. I just� I just wish we could help him more.�
He nodded slowly, the sneer fading from his expression. Together they walked on in silence.
***
The Dean�s House
�Finally, the end of term� almost,� Steven Fleming sighed, leaning back in his dining room chair. �How did you find Summer Session, Jake?�
Jake Pratt hastily swallowed a mouthful of food. �I had a great time, sir. The classes were very interesting.�
The Dean nodded, satisfied with her positive � if generic � answer. He reached for his glass of cabernet and continued with the inquisition, �What do you plan to do after you graduate high school?�
�I haven�t really made any plans,� Jake replied truthfully, �I know I want to go to college and do something computer-related, but�� she smiled, �that�s about the extent of it.�
�Well, it�s too early to start making any concrete plans for life,� agreed Kate Fleming, helping herself to more gravy, �it�s much better to go along to college and find out what interests you the most.�
�Our family had followed a tradition of teaching,� the Dean said, glancing at his son. �I wish you�d think more about that profession.�
�You never know,� Hamilton Fleming helped himself generously to mashed potatoes, �I might end up teaching art or something. But I just want to get into a good photography department first.� As though to prove that was the end of discussion for his potential career, he took a big bite of roast beef, raising his eyebrows at Jake.
�Well then, let�s talk about college,� the Dean persisted. �Which ones are you looking at, Jake?�
Jake looked caught, �I haven�t given it much thought, to be honest.�
�They still have two years of high school to go, Steven,� Kate said with a smile, �I�m sure they�ll have plenty of time to make up their minds.�
�Victor Chow is going to Harvard this fall, and he was only a sophomore when he graduated from Rawley,� Steven said, a little reproachfully.
�Yeah, but Victor�s a freak,� Hamilton glanced at Jake with a little roll of his eyes. �Like, did you see how many extra credit courses he was taking?�
�I happen to be the Dean of the school, son.� Steven said, amused. �I do tend to notice these things.�
�Well, do you want me to be like that?� Hamilton asked back, �He had no time for sleep, let alone a social life. Plus, I heard he didn�t even want to graduate early, his parents were the ones putting all the pressure on him to get through school at about one third the time everybody else takes.� He took a large swig of water. �I mean, what�s even the point of getting out early? Just so you could get a job and start making money like, five years earlier than other people?�
�We don�t want you to be Victor, honey,� Kate chided softly, �we know how much pressure he was under. Your dad�s just saying it would be good if you paid more attention to your schoolwork.�
�I am,� Hamilton persisted, �look at my grades this semester.�
�It�s only summer school,� Steven took another sip of wine. �We�ll see how you do in the proper school year.�
Hamilton pouted. The Dean paid him no attention as he turned back to Jake. �I noticed that your grades in computer studies last semester were�� he shook his head and smiled, �intimidating. I think you�ll do well with computers as a career option.�
Jake ducked her head, but could not help a pleased smile. Hamilton grinned too, sideways, as his hand found hers under the dinner table.
***
The diner
�What�s the matter with you, Will?� Scout couldn�t help asking. �You�re so jumpy today.�
�I don�t know,� Will replied, persistently clicking his fingernails nervously on the tabletop. �I just feel like I should be doing something.�
�Chill out, man,� Scout said, reaching over and clamping a hand down on the other boy�s twitching fingers.
Will looked up, startled, before an embarrassed grin broke over his face. With an effort he stopped his maniacal finger-drumming. �It�s the Summer Book,� he confessed, �we got it to the printers yesterday and now I feel like there�s nothing to do.�
�Oh, that explains why you were barking out orders at work last night,� teased Maria Ishizuka, as she set two tall glasses down in front of the guys. She rearranged her apron as she spoke, �I was wondering what you were on.�
�Editorial withdrawal, evidently,� Will grinned sheepishly. �Sorry about that.�
�It�s okay,� she shrugged. Looking around at the relatively quiet diner, she quickly slipped into the seat next to Will. �I need a break,� she complained, �my legs are killing me.�
�Speaking of breaks,� Scout said, stirring his milkshake, �where are you going over the summer?�
�My mom�s going back to Japan to visit relatives,� she said, tugging on a strand of short blue hair. �I might go with her.�
�And I�m going to stay right here, as always.� Will looked agitated at the thought. But then again, it could just be �editorial withdrawal�.
Maria looked at him sympathetically, but her face was turned toward the other boy. �What about you, Scout?�
Scout shrugged, looking forlorn. �To St. Martin as usual, I guess. I haven�t really made any plans.�
Part 3
Faye and Paige�s room
Faye slotted a DVD into her computer, settling back on her bed where she could see the monitor at optimum angle. The FBI warning flickered onscreen, and she tucked her legs up under her. It was the last day of Summer Session, and her classes have finished. Someone knocked on the door. �It�s open,� she called.
It opened to reveal Jake out in the hallway. �Hey�� she poked her head into the room, �hey! You got your hair cut! It looks nice.�
�Thanks,� Faye smiled, touching her head self-consciously. �Come in.�
Jake double-checked the hall for teachers before ducking into the room. After all, boys weren�t allowed in the girls� dorms, whether a real or a pretend one. Faye motioned for her to sit on the bed and she obliged. �What�s up?� The blonde asked, standing up and turning the computer screen off.
�I, uh, just wanted to�� Jake begun to stutter, which turned into a small chuckle, �well, this is embarrassing. But it�s sort of bugging me and I� well, I just wanted to talk to somebody about it.�
Faye raised an eyebrow, and Jake blushed, �it�s uh� well, you know.�
The blonde laughed good-naturedly as she came back to sit on the bed, �What do I know?�
�Well, it�s like this,� Jake begun, looking unsure of herself, �Hamilton and I have sort of� done a lot of talking and planning and� a while ago we sort of agreed to go on this date tomorrow night�� She paused, the tips of her ears turning conspicuously red.
�Oh, I get it.� Faye smirked, �this is the date, isn�t it?�
�It�s the date if you�re thinking what I�m thinking,� Jake, ever the cautious one, said slowly.
Faye laughed, �Well, I think it�s sweet. What do you want to talk to me about?�
�Well, I just wanted to talk to a girl about this,� confessed Jake, �I haven�t had any proper girlfriends so I never gossip about this kind of thing and, and I just don�t know how to go about it��
�How to go about it?� Faye repeated, �Jake, you don�t need to know how to do everything. It�d be unnatural if you do. Just have fun, and let Hamilton take the lead.�
�Yeah,� Jake went even redder, �well, he�s going to kill me if he knows I�m talking to other people about this, but� he�s not exactly experienced either.�
�Oh,� Faye said, unsurprised, �that�s nothing to be ashamed of for either of you, you know. I don�t know why guys are so hung up about their campus stud status � it�s all just such a big sham.�
�That�s what I keep thinking, but it�s just a guy thing. Trust me,� Jake rolled her eyes, thinking back to countless conversations in the boys� common room, �I know.�
Faye chuckled out loud, �Yeah, I suppose you do get the brunt of it where you live.� Turning serious, she smiled at the other girl, �Look, just� don�t worry about it. You guys have been together for a long time, and it�s a natural thing. If you�ve talked about everything, you know � protection and what you do if something goes wrong and stuff like that � I think you�ve shown that you�re responsible enough to cross some lines.� She shook her head and sighed, �god knows I wasn�t mature enough when I first crossed that line. I don�t regret it but looking at you, it�s just nice to see you two so prepared and�� she shrugged, �you know what I mean. If you�re ready, then go for it.�
�Yeah, I guess you�re right,� Jake smiled shyly, �I think I�m ready to take the next step. And Hamilton�s been waiting for this for ages � he never seemed to have any doubts of where he wanted to go right from the start.�
�Well, guys never do, do they?� Faye winked, �I mean, from the very first second you start to date it�s just like, when can I take this layer off? What about the next one? And the next one? It�s amazing they have any brain capacity left at all for other uses.�
A knock on the door interrupted their laughter. �Come in,� Faye called, giggling. But as the door opened and Scout emerged from behind it, her grin faded away. �Hey,� he said uncomfortably, shuffling so that he stood just outside the doorframe.
�Hey,� Jake knew it was time for a rapid exit, �thanks for the advice, Faye. I�ve got to head back to the dorms anyway.�
Faye didn�t keep her. �Let me know what happens,� she saw Jake to the door with a smile, �and trust me, it�ll be fine.�
Jake grinned, �Yeah, I�m sure it will be. I�ll see you later.�
Faye watched as her friend quickly walked down the hallway and disappear around the corner. Without looking at Scout she said coldly, �Let me guess. Your tarot cards told you that I was spending some time with one of my friends and so you decided to run over here and tell me I can�t spend time with her either. Right?�
He looked away, choosing not to answer what was obviously a question that demanded no response. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he inquired, �Can I come in?�
She shrugged. He entered after a few seconds� deliberation, closing the door carefully behind him.
�Have a seat,� she said politely. He looked startled for a moment before moving across the room to perch on the edge of her blow-up armchair.
�How can I help you?� She asked, sitting back down.
�I want you to know how sorry I am,� he began, looking at her with his trademark puppy-dog expression, �about� well, you know.�
She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. �How sorry are you, Scout?�
He hadn�t expected the question, which somewhat upset the speech that he�d planned. �Uh�� he looked at her with wide eyes. She stared back without flinching.
He was suddenly struck by how much more purple her eyes seemed to look with the new haircut. �I didn�t mean to make you choose between him and me,� he said, �I��
She emitted a short, humourless laugh. �You didn�t mean it? Then that was one of the best impressions of �meaning it� I�ve ever seen.�
He sighed. This wasn�t going to be easy. �Okay,� he said, looking her in the eye, �I�ll skip the speech and get straight to the point. I�m really sorry. I�m prepared to beg and plead and grovel into your good graces. Just tell me and I�ll do it.�
�Charming,� she said dryly, �and oh, so romantic.�
�I�m just trying to be upfront with you,� he said quietly. �You know I�m sorry for what I did without thinking. I was jealous and basically that demand just came out of nowhere. You know I love you very much. You know I�d do anything for us to get back together. So�� he spread his hands, �I don�t know what else I could say to make this any clearer, Faye.�
�A negotiation on the table,� she said slowly, looking down at her lap, �all on my terms.�
He watched her. �Yeah.�
She let go of a long breath, avoiding his gaze. �I can�t do it, Scout.�
�What do you mean you can�t do it?� He asked, furrowing his brows, �Look, I swear, I�ll do anything to get you back, I know it�s not going to be easy but I will��
�I don�t doubt that,� she said, looking back at him. �But my answer is still no.�
His blue eyes were very wide, as though he couldn�t quite comprehend the contents of her words. �But�� he said weakly, �I��
�It�s not�� she sighed, fell silent, then tried again. �It�s not a contract, Scout. It�s not� how can I say this?� Shaking her head, she tugged on her short hair, �I don�t want to get back together.�
�But I�ll do everything�� he whispered.
�No Scout,� she said slowly, �I don�t want to get back together with you.�
He shrank back as though stung, his eyes suddenly growing bright with tears. �Okay, I get it,� he said hurriedly, standing up, �I�ll just��
�No,� she said, frustrated. �I do love you.�
�I love you!� He exclaimed, walking toward her, �So why can�t we be together?�
�Because it doesn�t work!� She exclaimed, �There�s not enough trust, there�s not enough understanding� I�m getting sick of it.�
�I�ll change if you want me to!� He said hotly, �I�ll be more trusting, I promise, and I�ll understand everything, you just have to believe me because I will do it!�
She looked him in the eye. �You just don�t get it, do you? You can�t change just because you say you will! You can�t give me these conditions and use them as� as bargaining chips for a relationship! You prove yourself through your actions, not your words. I�ve forgiven you before on your apologies and what I�m trying to say this time is�� she shook her head vehemently, �I�ve had enough.�
�Then,� he stood before her, his expression lost and forlorn. �Then tell me how to change� what to change into��
She stared at him. �Scout,� she said, �how can I put this in a clearer way? I can�t do this anymore. I can�t be here all the time telling you what to do. It�s up to you, not me, to make the decisions for once. This was exactly why we took such a long time to get together in the first place, and it looks like we�re back in that same place now! First I tried to push this relationship along, and then I tried to be as understanding as I could be, no matter what you did. But you�ve got to realise a relationship is a two-way effort, I�m not going to be the only one who�s taking responsibility for what goes on!�
�All right, I�ll take responsibility from now,� he said quickly, �I��
�No,� she sighed, exasperated. �Don�t you get it? Now you�re just going to go take whatever responsibility you think you should because I told you to! It�s just going to lapse back into the same old routine and I�m sick of it�� She looked down, sniffling, �I can�t stand it.�
He looked at her, tears circling in his eyes. �I don�t understand what I need to do,� he said in a small voice.
She reached up as though to sweep her hair off her face with both hands, before realising that it was now all shorn off, and there was no longer any need for her to do that. �Just� grow up, Scout,� she said, turning away, �I can�t take this relationship when I�m baby-sitting you all the time. It�s almost like I�ve changed into a completely different person since I came to Rawley, and I honestly don�t think it�s a good thing. So�� she stared at the ground, �just do what you have to do.�
�If I�� he choked on his words, and tried again, �If I manage to do what you asked of me� can we still have a future together?�
She turned back, her eyes bright with tears. �Maybe,� she whispered, �we�ll just have to wait and see.�
A knock on the door startled both of them. Quickly Faye dried her eyes. �Who is it?� she called, composing herself by taking a deep breath.
�It�s Anita,� said the girl outside, �I�ve got copies of the Summer Book to hand out.�
Faye opened the door slowly. �Thanks,� she said, taking a copy from the stack that Anita held in her arms. �Take another one,� the brunette urged, �leave it for Paige.�
Faye obliged without a word. Anita looked quizzically at her, then at Scout who sat on the bed, deliberately facing away from her knowing scrutiny. �I think you two will find page 24 of special interest,� she winked, walking back into the hallway.
***
Carson, Donna�s florist shop
�Where do you want these orchids, mom?� asked Bella, coming through the back entrance with a huge armful of flowers.
�Whoa,� Donna laughed as she took a look at her daughter, who was positively staggering under the weight, �put them down here.�
Bella released the orchids into a bucket near the counter and stood up, breathing hard. �No one told me a florist was a labourer�s job,� she smiled, massaging her neck.
�Life is full of surprises, dear,� Donna laughed out loud, watching something outside the window, �and here comes one for you right now.�
�What?� Bella turned around, confused. Then, through the window she saw David ambling up to the shop door, a brightly-wrapped parcel in his hands.
Donna walked up to stand beside her, watching as David entered the shop. �Go,� she said, smiling. �You can have the rest of the day off. Consider it part of your birthday treat package.�
Bella glanced at her, �Mom��
�What, you think a mom would forget her own daughter�s birthday?� Donna teased lightly, �even if that mom is me.�
�I�� Bella wasn�t sure what to say. Surprised and touched, she watched as her mother greeted David, �Beautiful day, isn�t it?�
�It�s lovely,� he agreed, handing the package to Bella. Readjusting his wire-rimmed glasses, he grinned at her, �Happy birthday.�
She must have looked pretty bemused because both Donna and David burst out laughing at her expression. �Don�t look so confused,� he smiled, �your mom told me.�
Bella felt a grin break over her features. �Thanks, you guys��
�Well, what are you two still standing around here for?� Donna chided good-naturedly, �don�t you have somewhere to go?�
Bella turned to David, raising her eyebrows. �We do?�
He raised an eyebrow back at her, at once endearing and comical. �We do. Come with me.�
�Okay�� she was still disoriented as he grabbed her by the hand and led her out of the shop, the door swinging shut in front of Donna�s indulgent smile. With a small shake of the head, she chuckled and went back to work.
***
Jake�s room
Jake and Hamilton lounged on the bed, flipping through numerous girls� magazines. �This is so generic,� Hamilton remarked, looking disdainfully at one of the pages, �all the quizzes on these magazines are like, the same.� He flipped past a couple of pages, �I mean, �Is it time to dump your boyfriend?�, don�t you think you can figure that out by yourself? Do you really need to take a quiz on it to make up your mind?�
Jake smirked, �They always give you three options, but unless you�re insane, there�s really only one choice.�
�Yeah,� he tossed the magazine to one side, rolling his eyes. �Question: your boyfriend turns up on your doorstep, he�s brought� A. Flowers; B. Nothing; or C. A dead rodent��
She chuckled while he kept up his sarcastic imitation, �If you chose A, he is a good boyfriend; if you chose B, it depends; and if you chose C, it�s time to get a new hunk��
�Exactly how it is,� she laughed out loud, �but hey, I don�t read these for intellectual value, okay?�
�They are pretty fun,� he admitted with a smile, �as long as my guy friends don�t catch me reading them��
As if on cue, Will knocked on the door, calling �hey Jake, is Hamilton in there?�
With tremendous speed, Hamilton shoved all the girls� magazines over to Jake�s side of the bed and reached under the mattress; his hand emerged with a copy of an old car magazine, evidently hidden there for situations like these. Flipping the �guy� magazine open at centre spread, he settled back and called leisurely, �come in, Will.�
Jake threw an amused smirk at him as Will pushed the door open. �Hi guys,� he said, staggering into the room with an armload of hardback books, �look what just came back from the printers.�
�Summer Books!� Jake exclaimed happily, jumping up from the bed. Will handed one to her with a smile, �Check out page 24,� he advised cryptically. Giving another to Hamilton, he headed out the door, �I�ve got to give these out, catch you guys later.�
�Thanks, Will,� the couple called to his retreating figure. �It looks good,� commented Jake, flipping through the pages, �hey, there�s one of your pictures.�
�Let me see,� Hamilton rested his chin on her shoulder. Sure enough, one of his black and white photographs of the lake had been used for the title page. �Neat,� he beamed.
Jake came to a stop on page 24, her eyes widening as she scanned over the contents. �Hamilton,� she said, glancing at him with a smile.
The page was titled �Class Couple � Summer Session�.
***
Faye�s room
Scout watched Faye flip to page 24 in the Summer Book, staring down at it with an unreadable expression. �What is it?� He asked.
�Why don�t you see for yourself,� she said, her tone tired and lifeless. Without another word she walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Completely puzzled, he reached for Paige�s copy on the dresser, quickly flicking through until he arrived at the page labelled �Class Couple � Summer Session�. In bold type the page declared �Joint Winners�. The first photo he saw was one of Jake and Hamilton at the Cotillion, the latter in a shiny white satin dress and, understandably, scowling at the camera.
He smiled at the ludicrous but nevertheless cute picture. However, the next photograph he saw removed all traces of happiness from his expression, replacing it with one of confusion and regret.
In the photograph, he was leaning against Faye�s convertible, his arms clasped around her waist. She looked radiant in worn jeans and one of his old shirts, her hair gold in the fading light. They smiled at each other, taking no notice of the camera or anything else going on around them. He vaguely remembered Hamilton taking that picture, not long after they returned from their road trip at the beginning of summer.
He let the book fall closed on his lap, swallowing back the lump that had risen in his throat.
***
Carson
At the edge of the town, a row of worn-down brick buildings lined a small street. A racket was emitting from one of the smaller buildings, the interior of which was a dark, little hall. The sign above the door informed visitors this place was named The Heights, and was evidently a local hangout for creative artists of any form and persuasion. A handful of people stood around or lounged on old couches about the place, clearly at home. Against the back wall a cramped stage had been set up, upon which a band was playing.
Not any regular band, mind. There was one guy playing a regular drum kit, while another was beating, with giant sticks, on an array of garbage cans, candelabras, tins and a piece of wire fence. The vocalist, who said more lyrics than he sang, played slap bass and occasionally, dinged a bicycle bell. The hastily-drawn sign behind them read �Luge�, evidently the band�s name; while a projector whirred some distance away, casting random film clips onto the wall behind the band.
Bella was flabbergasted when she first arrived with David, looking around with a mixture of confusion and intrigue. Soon, however, she began to find concept and organisation behind the chaos, noticing that the band, despite their haphazard appearance, were really rather good. The guy with the junk heap drum kit was in fact not, as the image suggested, hitting things randomly but quite a talented drummer, working closely with the bass and drums to create a cohesive, if peculiar, sound. For this particular song, the vocalist was fixated particularly on one line of lyrics, which he stated over and over like a mantra.
Art, versus porn.
Art, versus porn.
Art, versus porn�
The two drummers set out on a co-dependent fill, the garbage cans and candelabras sounding not so much like percussion than another main instrument. The vocalist stopped playing bass and instead flailed about madly onstage, a feat that Bella only recognised after some time as dancing. She giggled quietly, �They are insane.�
�They,� David grinned, ushering her outside so that they could talk, �are my friends. Sorry for just taking you here out of the blue, but it�s your birthday and I thought� no better time to experience something new, huh?�
�I was pretty thrown,� she admitted, blinking as they walked out into the bright afternoon sunlight. Behind them, they heard the song finish with a flourish. �But you know what? I like it. I like the new things you�ve shown me.�
He glanced at her with a sideways smile, �Really? Even Luge?�
�Even Luge.� She nodded, �I need that. After all the time I spent stuck in one place. I need something new that I like, something I could��
�Something to fill up your future?� He suggested, �So it doesn�t look like a long, narrow road you�re forced to walk down, no matter how sick of it you are?�
�I guess,� she said slowly, chewing on her lowing lip. Sneaking a glance at him, she quickly lowered her head when he caught her gaze and grinned. His smile was like summer sunshine � bright, cheerful, as though he had the whole world at his disposal and he was there to enjoy every bit of it.
�Anyway,� he said, noticing the pink blush that had started to seep onto her cheeks, �You haven�t opened your present yet.�
She hardly noticed that she was still clutching the unopened parcel. �Oh,� she smiled, sliding down to sit against the wall. He followed suit, and watched as she tore open the present. A large book emerged from the shredded wrappings, titled Progressive Guitar Chords.
�Thank you!� She was delighted, flipping through the pages and examining the fretboard diagrams, �wow, this is great! There�s like, every chord imaginable in here.�
�I thought it would be useful,� he smiled lazily, stretching his legs out in front of him. �That�s probably the best chord book you could find around the place, so I thought I�d save you the trouble of finding it.�
�It�s great,� she turned to him, beaming. �I was beginning to think I needed something like this.�
�So you�re going to carry on playing guitar even after I leave?� He asked, the corners of his hazel eyes crinkling.
�Of course,� she said happily, �that�s the first step I plan to take to change my life.�
�Really?� He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, �Sounds dramatic.�
�I need it,� she turned to face him, suddenly serious. �You know, you got me thinking: how you have so many hobbies, projects for the future��
He shrugged lightly, �Well, I gotta have that, they are the things that give my life definition, give it meaning.�
�I get that,� she said slowly, �and I�m just starting to see my problem is I don�t have any of it. I have no projects, not many hobbies� you said these things define your future. Compared to yours,� she looked up at the sky, �Mine seems shapeless. I don�t even know what subjects I want to take at college, let alone what college I want to go to and what job I want to end up getting. I know,� she shook her head when he glanced at her, looking as though he was going to interrupt, �I know it�s not a big problem that I don�t know what kind of job to have. It�s just an example� I don�t know anything I want to achieve in life anymore.�
He looked at her thoughtfully, the sun glancing off his sandy blond hair and refracting through the lens of his glasses.
�I�m grateful,� she continued, smiling a little, �you made me see I have to do something about it�� After a pause she added, quietly, �that I need a future of my own.�
There was a knowing smile on his face. Unexpectedly, he leaned over and kissed her softly, on the lips.
She wasn�t as startled as she thought she would have been. The kiss was quick and sweet, and before she had quite realised what was going on, he had already pulled back. The same self-assured smile was back on his lips, and he made no excuse or apology for the sudden kiss.
She liked it.
�Life is an empty vessel, Bella.� he said, hazel eyes mischievous. �How you choose to fill it up, and what you fill it up with, is entirely up to you.�
Part 4
Jake�s room
Jake sat at her desk, fingers flying over the computer keyboard. But her gaze kept wandering, and it was apparent that her mind was elsewhere. Finally she shut the laptop with a click and began pacing up and down the length of the room, looking by turns happy and anxious.
Hamilton poked his head around the door without knocking. �Hey boy,� he said, a teasing twinkle in his eye.
She smiled at him before answering. �Hey,� she said softly, watching as he let himself in.
He shut the door and walked over to give her a long, slow kiss. �I�m looking forward to tonight,� he whispered, a smile lighting up his blue eyes.
�Yeah, me too�� she began to say, only to stop when he reached into his jeans pocket, pulled out a small square of blue cardboard, and presented it to her. �What�s this?� She asked, smiling.
He didn�t answer, wrapping his arms around her waist as she took the card from his hands. �The bank of Hamilton Fleming,� she read, smiling a little, �presents this voucher to Miss Jacqueline Pratt, redeemable for one perfect night out.�
�Keep reading,� he urged with a wide grin.
She quickly kissed him on the cheek before reading on. �The holder is entitled to one candlelit dinner at Pazza Luna�� she glanced at him with a smile, �first date restaurant?�
�Yeah,� he smiled back, smoothing her hair down. In a whisper, he added, �I have a feeling that restaurant is going to mark a lot of firsts��
She blushed but didn�t answer, looking back down at the voucher. �� a moonlit seaside stroll� ice cream on the Carson Pier�� She looked up with a grin, �ice cream?�
�I know it�s not much,� he said, �but I just thought it would be� nice.�
�It is nice,� she assured him, and read on, �� and lastly, one sensual back massage.� She chuckled, �You spelt �sensual� wrong.�
�Oh, who cares,� he said, more interested in kissing her ear than in the evident spelling mistake.
She wrapped her arms around his neck, pressing her nose lightly against his. �Thank you,� she murmured, �tonight sounds wonderful.�
�It�s going to be wonderful,� he said, planting soft kisses on her neck, �I promise.�
***
Main Street
Will tried to make his walk into town last as long as possible. Truth be known, he wasn�t exactly sure where he wanted to go, or what he wanted to accomplish by going into town in the first place. It wasn�t until he made his way to the gas station before he realised that Bella wasn�t even in New Rawley. Shaking his head, he ambled across the road and into the diner.
�Boy, you look cheerful today,� remarked Maria from behind the counter. She nodded toward the soda machine, �Want a Coke? My treat.�
�Thanks,� he said listlessly, sitting down on a counter stool. She handed him a glass of Coke and raised an eyebrow, �Still on your editorial withdrawal?�
�Evidently,� he cracked a smile. �It just feels like� suddenly my life doesn�t really have a goal anymore, you know? It�s weird.�
She tilted her head, �Do you always do this?�
�Do what?� He sipped the Coke half-heartedly.
�Throw yourself completely into something,� she gazed at him thoughtfully, �and then sort of� deflate when it�s done.�
He laughed, �Not the way I would put it, but I guess you�re right.�
�Well, have you ever considered� you know, not deflating?� She asked, �There are other things in life to be preoccupied with, you know.�
He glanced suspiciously at her, �Is this a sly dig at my not having a girlfriend anymore?�
�God, no,� she smiled, �don�t take this the wrong way.�
�Well, I don�t know how to take it the right way,� he said testily. �It�s just my way of functioning, okay? I work my ass off on my projects and at the end of the day I always wonder, why do I even bother?�
�Look, Will,� she hastened to say, �we�re all grateful for getting this summer book, all right? It was a good idea and I�m glad I got something to keep from Summer Session��
�� but?� he prompted, seeing that she was obviously going to say something else.
She sighed, �but it�s almost like you�re doing things just so you could get people to be grateful.�
His expression darkened. She shook her head and added, �Okay, that came out way harsher than I intended. What I meant was� shouldn�t you be doing this stuff for yourself, instead of for other people?�
�No, I get it,� he said tersely, standing up. �People think I�m doing this just so I could fish for compliments? Thanks, Maria. Thanks a whole lot for appreciating my effort over this entire summer.�
�No, wait, Will�� she called, exasperated, but he had already strode out of the diner, letting the heavy glass door swing back into position.
***
Carson
David walked Bella home in the late afternoon, having spent the day talking and watching the sporadic performances that happened at The Heights. Aside from a couple of other eclectic local bands, there was also a poetry reading set to speed metal �background� music and for the final act, a bunch of regular Heights patrons had put on a very cryptic skit.
Bella welcomed the change. She was pretty sure that wasn�t a world that she would want to get immersed in all the time; but spending time outside of her own little sphere was a fun experience in any case. On the porch steps, she turned toward David, clutching the chord book in her arms, �Thanks for the present.�
�It was my pleasure,� he said simply. And then, �Bella�?�
�Yeah?� She asked.
�Do you want to� um,� he grinned lightly, glancing down for a second before looking up again, �do you want to go out again? On a proper date? I�ve never pretended that I�m not interested in you romantically, and I don�t see any point of starting now.�
She blushed, and he kept talking, �I�ve enjoyed spending time with you in the past week or so, and if you don�t object, I�d like to see you more and see what happens from there.� He smiled faintly, �I know it would be difficult, with me being in New York most of the time, but I really like you and I�d like to at least try for something to happen.�
She was quiet for a moment. �Could I� could I think about this for a while?� she asked in a small voice. �It�s just� I�ve just come out of a serious relationship and I don�t know if��
�Sure,� he nodded, �I get it.�
�I don�t mean to be�� she shrugged, �you know what I mean.�
�No, I seriously don�t mind.� He grinned, �It�s good to think things over. I�ll see you at the guitar lesson tomorrow, okay?�
�All right,� she replied, watching him walk down the street. Once he was out of sight she made her way into the house, the expression on her face alternately a small smile and a vague frown.
***
The Diner
Sean looked down at the Summer Book laid open across the table. �That�s pretty harsh, man,� he said sympathetically, eyeing the picture of Faye and Scout printed on the page.
�I just don�t know what I�m supposed to do now,� Scout said sadly, playing with his ice cream sundae, which he had hardly tasted. �I mean, I never thought we�d get back together easily after my astronomical screw-up, but I didn�t expect this.�
�I�m sorry,� said Sean earnestly. �I wish this whole situation is better for you.�
�What can I do?� Scout asked him, �It�s not like I could just tell myself to �grow up�. I�m�� he shook his head, �I just don�t know what to do.�
�If you want to know what I think�� Sean began, looking at the other boy inquisitively. Scout shrugged. �Yeah, why not.�
�Well, I think firstly she was a little melodramatic,� Sean pointed out, �It�s like, of course we could see where she�s coming from; but it�s not like you were acting totally without a reason, you know? Although I admit, making her choose between you and Josh hadn�t really been one of your better moves.�
�Point addressed, taken, and entirely analysed beyond belief,� sighed Scout, �I just want to know how to get her back.�
�Well, I�m just saying she was probably a little on the OTT side for telling you to grow up, too.� Sean commented mildly, �we all know understatement isn�t one of her strong points.�
�That�s probably true,� Scout said slowly, �but you know what? I don�t really care if she was being melodramatic or not. She�s important to me and I don�t care what I have to do� I just want to have her back.�
Sean watched him, and with a sudden smile he said, �You�re really stuck on this girl, aren�t you?�
Scout coloured slightly, and shrugged. �So what if I am? I�m�� he paused, �I�m not afraid to admit it. I want her back. I need her back. I just don�t have any idea how.�
�Well�� Sean said again, slowly. �Hey, I don�t want to sound like I know what I�m doing, cos I don�t; but now I definitely feel like I�ve grown up a lot over the summer, and��
�Yeah?� Scout looked up.
Sean shrugged, slightly uncomfortable in the advice-giving seat. �It just feels like� I had to work for it, you know? Before, I just took it for granted that I�d have summer vacation to hang out and play ball and suddenly after the thing with school, I had to give all that up and make up my grades by going back to school for nearly the whole vacation. It really, really sucked at first but then somewhere along the way, I did realise it�s because I did a lot of things wrong last semester and I should make up for it somehow. Just� working through all my schoolwork without asking Will or Bella all the time, and making an effort to get to school every day when everybody else are just hanging out� these things are annoying but in the end, I do see how it�s better for me. I feel older, I�ve learned to take more responsibility for the things I do, and I think that�s a good thing.�
Scout listened avidly, nodding once in a while. �So� responsibility, huh? What are you suggesting I do?�
Sean shrugged, �I dunno, man. You could get a job again, for starters.�
�I was actually planning to do that a while ago,� said Scout ruefully, �I asked at the diner but all the places were filled. Still,� he brightened, �I�m heading over to St. Martin for the rest of summer. Maybe I could find part-time work there.�
�That might be good,� Sean agreed, although he couldn�t quite get the mental image in his mind of Senator Calhoun�s only son serving drinks in some elite St. Martin resort. �And� I don�t know� does she think you�re not understanding enough, or something? Maybe you could try really hard to make friends with Josh, or something.�
Scout wrinkled his nose, �I don�t think they�ll fall for that. I don�t mind Josh,� he hastened to add, �he�s a pretty cool guy most of the time. I just get pissed off when the two of them spend too much time together.�
�That�s another thing, isn�t it?� asked Sean, �if you want to get back with her, it seems like you need to stop getting pissed off. Look, you know they�re not doing anything you should really get pissed at��
�Well, no.� Scout admitted, �I just don�t like her leaving me all the time when Josh comes around. Although,� he said slowly, �it wasn�t as though she just completely deserted me whenever he was around.�
�So she was still spending time with you?� asked Sean.
�Not as much as I would like,� Scout admitted, �but yeah, she did make an effort to see everybody, it�s not like she didn�t spend any time with me at all. I guess I was just too� well, she wasn�t spending all her time with me anymore. And I guess I was getting upset at that fact when I shouldn�t have been.�
�And last time seemed like an emergency where Josh was concerned,� Sean nodded, �it makes sense if she got angry at you for trying to dominate her time.�
Scout nodded, absently swallowing a spoonful of slushy ice cream. �I�ve just got to take this slow,� he decided, �I might not be able to show her I�ve grown up straight away, but if I keep trying, who knows.�
�You know I�ll help you in any way I can, man.� Sean declared.
�Thanks,� Scout smiled at the blond boy, who smiled back.
Part 5
Carson, Pazza Luna Restaurant
The small seaside restaurant was an old date location for Jake and Hamilton. Recalling their less than stellar first date with a mixture of embarrassment and a certain fondness, the two joined hands and followed the Ma�tre D� upstairs.
Jake had taken special care with her appearance today, having donned a slinky knee-length black dress that clung flatteringly to her curves. Hamilton pulled her chair back and waited until she was seated before sitting down himself, and she looked at him suspiciously, �Are you going to pull the chivalry act on me again?�
He laughed, �Do you think I would?�
She smiled but did not answer, beginning to browse through the menu.
He reached over and covered one of her hands with his own. �Jake,� he said with a small grin, �you look beautiful today.�
�No more �foxy�?� She had to laugh.
He pretended to look hurt for a moment, �Hey, give me some credit here, okay?�
�I�m sorry, baby,� she replied with a chuckle, leaning over to kiss him briefly on the lips. After she had pulled back, he grinned, �you always know how to calm me down.�
�I always do.� She agreed, raising an eyebrow in comic haughtiness. He swatted at her with the menu and she laughed, ducking under it to give him another kiss.
***
Rawley Academy, docks
The light from the setting sun glanced off the tranquil lake at an oblique angle, time and time again making random ripples send out sudden flares of reflected, orangey light. Will walked down to the docks and sat down, still fuming over what Maria had said.
Heavy footsteps sounded behind him. �Contemplating the meaning of life?� asked Finn, walking up with a smile.
Will half-turned, �Oh, hey.�
�Well done on the Summer Book.� Finn said, flicking through the copy that he held in his hands.
�Thanks,� said Will offhandedly. After a moment he added, �for being one of the few people who actually appreciates what I�ve done.�
�Ah,� the teacher smiled, sitting down cross-legged beside him, �a lack of recognition, I see.�
�No,� Will frowned, �it�s not.� Glancing at Finn, he sighed, �I won�t lie, I am upset because of people�s reactions, but it�s not because I thought I deserved more recognition, or more acknowledgement, or anything like that.�
Finn looked at him. �What is it then?�
�It�s just�� Will looked across the lake and fell silent. �It�s just,� he sighed a moment later, tracing patterns on the wooden panels that lined the docks, �I really did pour all of myself into this project and after I did it,� he eyed the Summer Book lying in Finn�s lap, �it�s really as though I did something good, you know? Something special for me. I don�t want and I don�t expect other people to thank me for making this keepsake for them. But�� he shook his head sadly, �this is my thing, you know? This is me I�m handing them, condensed into pages and pictures and all that meticulous editing, and they don�t realise how much it means to me.�
Finn nodded, �So it�s as though they�re depreciating your self-worth.�
�Exactly.� Will sighed. �I�m not blaming them, I just wish people paid more attention when they got it, that�s all. Paid more attention to the people who made it happen. I was talking to Anita and Maria earlier and it just seems like no one gives a damn about all of this, about anything. I�m not just talking about what I�d done, either.� He looked up at the sky and sighed heavily, �What are we supposed to do as people? We�re losing interest in everything but ourselves. Nothing matters except ourselves. There�s no compassion, there�s no camaraderie� we�re all too self-involved to see what other people did that warrant a mention� things they do that we should appreciate. All we say are the meaningless, trivial pleasantries in passing; it doesn�t actually seem like anybody cares anymore.�
Beside him, Finn let out a long breath. �Some heavyweight accusations, Krudski.�
Will smiled bitterly. �Let�s just say I�ve lost my faith.�
�I spent a couple of years when I was younger,� Finn said, glancing at him, �wandering around thinking pretty much the same thing.� Rubbing his hand over his chin, he continued, �Like you, I saw everybody scurrying around without giving anybody else�s efforts a second glance, and I too was disheartened by it.�
Will glanced at him, �What changed?�
�Well, I can�t say I never feel that way anymore, even now.� Finn said slowly, �On a bad day it�s hard to see beyond this, that we�re all just a bunch of selfish bastards who don�t give a damn about how other people think and feel and� generally, live and be human.� He paused, then said, �But��
�But you figured something out,� Will finished, gazing intently at the older man.
Finn chuckled. �I did. And believe me, it wasn�t some earth-shattering epiphany. The simple truth of the matter is, we can�t completely affirm our own worth through other people alone.� He looked at Will, �You�re angry because you threw everything you�re worth into this project and in the end, nobody affirmed it as much as you wanted � as you thought you deserved. That�s not unusual.�
Will nodded slowly.
�In the end though,� Finn continued, �everyone, in one way or another, is just as busily proving themselves to other people. To prove they�re worthy of love, of friendship, of their titles and their reputations and god knows what else.� He paused, and said, �Sure, you can find great glory in that. But on the other end of the same scale lies the complete nullification of self-worth.�
�Are you going to feed me all that stuff about having confidence in myself and not give in to peer pressure and all that?� Will asked, suspicious and a little disappointed.
Finn laughed, �It does sound that way, doesn�t it?� His expression turned serious, and he looked Will in the eye. �No, I�m not going to say something so inane as that. It might sound similar when you first hear it, but I�ve thought about this for a while and it is seriously one of the most important principles I try to live life by.�
Will raised an eyebrow. Finn grinned and continued, �It�s just, you can�t rely on other people to make your life complete. You�ve got make up the rest of the quota yourself.�
Will wrinkled his nose. �I�m not sure if I get it.�
�Let me put it this way,� the teacher said. �If you just got the Summer Book back after all this time, but suddenly the Dean told you that you won�t be able to distribute it, you can�t even show it to your friends � in short, that you�re the only one who�s ever allowed to see it� would you be okay with that? Or would you be angry and upset and demand that other people get copies too?�
�I�ll be upset,� Will said immediately, �heck, I am upset because of something like that.�
Finn looked at him evenly, �That�s what I�m saying. Will, I don�t suggest giving up on people altogether because interacting with others is what makes us human; but� you�ve got to make peace with yourself first. Love what you do because in the end you, and you alone, are going to be left with the memories of what you�ve done and who you�ve become. You are the person who will be changed by the things that you choose to take on. Reach for your dreams not because you want to show everybody else how much you can be worth, but because you are worth that much, and you know it.�
***
Pazza Luna Restaurant
Dusk had fallen over the seaside town of Carson. Off to one side of the restaurant, at the waiter�s station, a waitress sighed wistfully as she stared at the couple in the corner table.
�What are you looking at?� asked her workmate, walking past with a tray full of dirty dishes.
The waitress nodded discreetly at the couple she was staring at, �Why is it that we never get into those perfect relationships?�
The other girl laughed, eyeing the couple. The girl with the short dark hair did look pretty lucky to have scored the hot guy. Moreover, he was obviously infatuated with her, by the looks of things. Every time he said something that made her laugh, his whole expression would light up at her reaction. Over the table, their fingers were interlaced, and the waitresses watched with envy as the guy lifted the girl�s hand to his lips, kissing it softly. Waitress #2 sighed, continuing on to the kitchen, �Some people are just lucky, I guess.�
Waitress #1 watched her workmate walk off, sighing softly in agreement, �Yeah�� Picking up her notepad, she threaded through the tables and headed for the couple. �Hi,� she said brightly, �can I take your order?�
�Yeah,� Jake looked up with a smile, �I�m starving.�
Hamilton glanced at her, a devious glint in his eye. �The lady will�� he started to say, stretching out the syllables on his words.
She didn�t know whether to laugh or to be indignant. �Are you serious?� She asked.
He chuckled, settling back in his chair. �The lady will order for herself,� he smiled at her, giving her fingers a quick squeeze.
She smiled back. �Thank you. I�ll have the scallops.�
That was one of his least favourite foods, and he made a face as the waitress noted down the order. �Uh, I�ll have the salmon, thanks.�
The dinner was lovely. The restaurant wasn�t too crowded and the tables around them were empty, and it felt as though they had the entire corner of the place to themselves. Hamilton hadn�t seen Jake in girl gear for a while, and couldn�t help staring at her all through the evening. Having noticed that, she had a continual faint blush on her cheeks, which made her eyes very bright and rendered her more beautiful than he thought he�d ever seen. At the end of the night, they ordered a dessert to share, and the waitress brought them two little silver spoons without prompting, leaving them alone with an envious smile.
***
Carson
Bella walked down the suburban street, turning into a familiar driveway. She paused, looking briefly at the brightest star in the early evening sky. To be accurate, it wasn�t so much a star than the planet Venus, and as she gazed at the shining pinprick of light against the darkening blue of the night, words began to take shape in her mind.
After a few weeks spent learning how to play music, she was beginning to feel that she did possess some hidden talent that lay previously unknown. She was suddenly struck with the urge to write a song that she could perform herself, on a stage some day. It was a thought enticing and daunting at the same time.
Vowing to think more about this after the event at hand, she headed up the driveway and knocked on the door.
David opened it. �Oh, hey!� He said happily, �I wasn�t expecting to see you until tomorrow.�
�Hi,� she smiled bashfully, �Um��
�Why don�t you come in?� He moved out of the doorway.
She shook her head, �Do you want to go for a walk instead?�
�Sure,� he looked concerned, grabbing his jacket. �John,� he called, �I�m heading out for a while, okay?�
A muffled reply came from deep within the house and he smiled, turning back to Bella, �Let�s go.�
Before long they were walking through the centre of the town, heading toward the pier. �So, what�s up?� He inquired, pushing his glasses up his nose.
She glanced at him. Having spent so much time with him lately, some of his upfront, down-to-earth ways had rubbed off on her. Something, she felt, was directly contrary to what she had absorbed through Will, whom she had secretly crowned as the King of Analytic Morality. It was refreshing not having to think so much about everything for once, and she wanted to do it more often.
�I�ve thought about what you said, this afternoon.� She said simply.
He nodded, �I thought so.� He didn�t ask her what her decision was, understanding that she would say it in good time.
She liked his unassuming patience above all, and felt she owed it to him not to play games. �I love spending time with you,� she said, as they walked onto the pier, �but I don�t think I want to go further with this.�
He exhaled, a little disappointed. �Can I ask why?�
She nodded, but took a few moments to mull it over before speaking. Their footsteps sent dull echoes through the wooden panels that lined the pier. Something, she thought incidentally, wasn�t all that different to the docks back home.
�I guess, for the most part,� she began slowly, �it�s because I�ve never really been out of a relationship for the past year. I mean, it�s complicated and I don�t really want to get into it, but I dated�� she shrugged, �a few people one after another. And I think, somewhere during that year, I came to depend on them to try and figure out who I am. At the time it was perfectly logical, but now�� she shrugged again, sneaking another glance at him. His head was lowered, carefully listening to what she had to say. She smiled and continued, �Now it�s like, I suddenly have a choice about whether to get into another relationship or not, and I think I�d rather have some time alone. I sort of need some time without a boyfriend to figure out who I�ve become and� what I want to do with my life.�
He nodded, his glasses catching the glare of the bright white lights overhead. �That�s fair enough.�
�You have taught me a lot these few weeks,� she said earnestly, �getting me to appreciate parts of myself I didn�t even know were in me, getting me to think about where I want to go. I mean,� she smiled at him, �it was you who said life�s an empty vessel and it�s up to me to fill it up with the things I want in there. And I guess what I�m trying to say is, even though I really like you, it�s just the wrong time.� Eyes twinkling, she added, �And it was you who also said, it�s all about equilibrium, right?�
�Damn,� he chuckled, �my own advice coming back to bite me on the ass.�
She laughed, �No hurt feelings?�
He shook his head with a slight grin. �Disappointed, but I can deal. After all, it�s all about��
�Equilibrium,� they chorused, smiling at each other.
***
Pazza Luna Restaurant
The waitress brought the check to Jake and Hamilton�s table when he gestured for it. Jake and Hamilton both eyed it before looking up and smiling at each other. �My treat,� she said with a grin.
He grinned back, �If you don�t want me to pay for you, let�s just split the bill. The girl paying for everything is just as sexist as the guy paying.�
�You�ve got a point,� she chuckled. After leaving a generous tip for the waitress, they left the restaurant hand in hand. He kissed her on the cheek, �Let�s go for a walk.�
She smiled. Below the bright lights that lined the pier, it looked as though a shimmering silver veil covered her from head to toe. On impulse he pulled her close to him, pressing his lips against hers. She relaxed against his arms, and kissed him back softly.
He pulled back from the kiss but tightened his embrace. Eyes tinted shades of silver-blue from the lights, he smiled and whispered, �I love you.�
�I love you too,� she replied, quickly kissing him on the nose. He chuckled and linked his fingers through hers once more, the two of them walking along the pier quietly. They watched how the lights overhead cast their bright rays into the sea, yet the inky black water somehow always managed to claim the light as its own, dissolving it and swallowing the fragmented silver until only the most vague of glimmers remained on the surface.
They did not talk but occasionally, Hamilton would lean in and softly kiss Jake�s hair. She threw a laughing glance in his direction, gently squeezing his fingers. Suddenly he squinted and furrowed his brows. �What is it?� She asked.
�I think that�s Bella over there,� he said, craning his neck.
She turned to face the direction he was looking in. Sure enough, not far away Bella stood conversing with a tall blond guy they did not recognise. As Jake and Hamilton watched, the guy leaned in to kiss Bella softly on the cheek before raising a hand in a gesture of farewell, and he walked away.
Bella stood still for a moment as David left her with a friendly kiss on the cheek, and she looked over her shoulder as he strode off the pier, his hair glinting silver under the light.
As she watched him she was well aware that she had let go of something that could potentially have been worth seeking, worth working towards; but at the same time a strange lightness filled her up inside, as though she was absorbing through osmosis the cleansing, white light that surrounded her, making her feel more buoyant than she had felt in a long time. She smiled at his retreating figure, and turned to go.
�Bella!� She heard a familiar voice call. Looking up, she grinned as she saw Jake and Hamilton walking briskly toward her. It was a small world.
�Hey!� Jake enveloped her in a bear hug, �why did you take off, huh?�
�I just needed a change of scenery,� laughed Bella, hugging the brunette back, �hi Hamilton.�
�Hey,� he smiled and took Jake�s hand again when she�d let go of Bella. �So you�re staying in Carson, huh?�
�With my mom,� the blonde affirmed, nodding.
Jake looked at her cheekily, �Who was that guy you were talking to?�
The small tinge of wistfulness inside Bella�s smile was all but enveloped by the genuine contentment found there. �David? He�s just a friend.�
�So,� Hamilton asked curiously, �are you planning to go back home anytime soon?�
Bella paused before answering. Casting a quick glance over the pier, the sidewalk and the shops of Carson, she turned back to her friends and smiled, �Yeah, I�m going home soon.�
***
Faye and Paige�s room
Faye slipped a CD into her stereo and hit Play. A moment later, the opening beats of Kim Ferron�s �Nothing But You� filled the room.
I think I�ll go for a walk
Maybe out in the rain
Maybe let the tears roll down my face and not feel the pain
Maybe think about something
Maybe think about you
Yeah you� can't hurt me now
You know you can't hurt me now
You can't hold me down
She walked around the room, half-heartedly tidying up the mess that had accumulated over Summer Session, seeing that she never bothered to clean up after herself. Again it was time to leave, perhaps on another road trip without destination. But unlike last time there would be no one beside her as she cruised down the highway, alone once again.
She shook her head to clear the misgivings and turned to stare at the dark night outside. It was for the best. There was only so much leeway she was prepared to give before everything went to hell, before she started to lose herself in the emotions that held too much sway over her spirit. She looked at the armload of skirts and dresses she carried, the ones that she owned but never wore, and stuffed them into a large plastic bag. She�ll donate them somewhere on her trip.
And I�ve got plenty of time
Time to figure it out
Time to think about you and me, whatever that was all about
Got nothing to prove
Got nothing to say
No I�m guessing I never thought you were good for me anyway
Got nothing to lose
Nothing but you
On her bed she flipped open an empty suitcase, the only one she was to take on her trip away from all this. Lightweight and fancy-free was the only way to go if she wanted to leave everything behind. To everyone else she seemed unbreakable, but she knew the truth. She loved her individuality too much, loved her links to Josh and her brother because they were not to be severed, those bonds that stretched from childhood, tense and taut yet shot through with so much co-dependence. They were her family, and nothing � nothing � could take her away from them � from the way that her life had shaped up to be. Not even Scout, whom she still did love, very much, despite the way everything must have looked to an outsider.
I think I�ll go for a ride
Till my memory fades
Roll down the windows and glide down to the Everglades
Maybe light up a joint
Take a walk on the moon
Yeah you can't reach me now
You know you can't touch me now
You can't hold me down
She deflated her blow-up armchair. It wasn�t that she loved him less than she loved Josh or Ryder. No, that wasn�t it. It was because Josh and Ryder never demanded her time like Scout did, they knew she would make time for them because that was what she always did. And if Scout had understood that, if he had seen, from any viewpoint except his own, that she tried her best to split
her time between the three of them because she loved all of them equally � then maybe he�d understand why she had to leave him.
And I�ve got plenty of time
Time to figure it out
Time to think about you and me, whatever that was all about
Got nothing to prove
Got nothing to say
No I�m guessing I never thought you were good for me anyway
Got nothing to lose
Nothing but you�
But he didn�t, she thought vehemently as she stuffed her textbooks into a cardboard carton, ready to be set aside for storage. As always he didn�t understand that she had given him all that she could give of her time and attention and care, he simply demanded more� and more� and more. And every time she took to spending some cherished bonding time with her brother and best friend he would always turn up at the door, stony-faced and demanding why she couldn�t give him any more time. Time! Time! How could one reply to that? What could she say?
Why do you have to be so unkind?
Why do I have to be so inclined to lose my mind?
Wiping away an angry tear that had somehow strayed past her defences, she tossed item after item into her suitcase. She remained with him because she loved him enough to put up with these requests. Through the times where he stumbled, pushing her in directions she did not want to go, kissing an old love on a whim� she took that in her stride, silent and forgiving. Everybody was entitled to a few mistakes, she said time after time, and truly believed what she�d said. That, as it turned out, still wasn�t enough in the end. She had nothing else to give.
Well I�ve got plenty of time
Time to figure it out
Time to think about you and me, whatever that was all about
Got nothing to prove
Got nothing to say
No I�m guessing I never thought you were good for me anyway
She refused to think more about this because as far as she was concerned, it was an episode of her life that was now over. She shut her suitcase with a decisive click.
The door opened and she looked up to see Ryder come striding in. �Thanks for knocking,� she said with a small smile, shaking her head. He paid no acknowledgement to that remark, sat down on the bed and tossed, without a word, a piece of computer printout onto the bedspread.
She looked at him quizzically and picked it up. An airline logo sprung into view, followed by three names and a flight itinerary.
Mr Ryder Forrest, Miss Faye Archer, Mr Josh Sutherland, 3 return flights from Boston to Paris. She smiled in surprise and delight, glancing at Ryder.
�I�ve already cleared it with Josh, he�s scrapping his plans for the rest of the holidays. I figured we could all use the time away.� Her brother said, lighting up a cigarette with studied nonchalance.
Got nothing to lose
Nothing but you
Nothing but you�
***
Rawley Lake
Darkness had descended over Rawley Lake, and from amongst the trees that lined the Boys� Academy side of the bank, Jake and Hamilton emerged hand in hand. Having just hidden Jake�s bike, they slowly walked back toward the dorms.
Hamilton couldn�t help smiling in anticipation of what was to come. He had waited over a year for this night and everything was finally coming together more perfectly than he had imagined. Breathing in the calm of the night, he smiled at Jake. She smiled back, albeit a little uncertainly.
�How are you feeling?� He whispered in her ear, gripping her hand. They ascended the stone steps leading to the dormitory.
�Fine,� she started to say, but faltered. �Hamilton��
They stopped on top of the landing, just before the doors. �If you don�t feel ready to do this,� he already knew what she was going to say, �then� don�t. I don�t mind waiting.�
She looked at him, her eyes liquid in the moonlight, �But we talked about it and we�ve planned it and��
�I know we planned everything,� he smiled gently at her, �but it doesn�t mean you can�t change your mind. What sort of boyfriend would I be if I told you you�re not allowed to turn back now?�
�It�s not that I don�t want to,� she said uncertainly, �I just� don�t know. I don�t know how I feel about this.�
*Lifehouse�s �Everything� plays*
They walked through the doors and slowly up the curving wooden staircase. �You know I want to, and I�m ready to,� he said in a low voice, �but don�t let that affect what you decide. Just know I�m here� waiting for when you�re ready.�
�The thing is,� she sighed as they strolled down the hallway, �it�s just scaring me because it seems so easy. Everything� the dinner, the walk on the pier� everything was perfect, and simple, and comfortable. And I just kept wondering if it�s supposed to be like that, or is it supposed to be more exciting somehow? Like, this is a really big change in our lives we�re thinking of here, and I don�t know if it�s normal to feel so� relaxed about it. Maybe it�s because I haven�t thought about it enough?� She glanced at him, her dark eyes unsure and apprehensive, �Or is it really because I�m so ready I can�t be nervous around you anymore?�
Find me here, speak to me
I want to feel you, I need to hear you
You are the light that�s leading me
to the place where I find peace, again
He smiled at her confused words. �Jake,� he said quietly as they came to the end of the hallway, where his dorm room lay next to hers.
He had planned for the two of them to walk into her room after this perfect night, and he didn�t deny to himself that he�d be disappointed if she were the only person to set foot in that room tonight, but what Jake wanted was much more important than that. She was much more important than that.
�Jake,� he said again, �If you don�t know you�re ready, my guess is you�re still not ready. And I�m happy to wait for as long as it takes for you to be comfortable with this.�
She gazed up at him through lowered lashes, �Are you sure?�
He nodded vehemently.
�Then�� she laid a hand on the door handle to her room. Looking back at him with a slightly guilty expression, she said softly, �I think� I should go in there alone.�
You are the strength that keeps me walking
You are the hope that keeps me trusting
You are the life to my soul
You are my purpose
You�re everything
He lowered his head and nodded.
�I�m sorry�� she said hesitantly, and he lifted his face with a small smile, �Don�t be. I�d rather wait for you to be sure instead of doing something we might regret later.�
She looked into his eyes, and seeing nothing but certainty and trust in them, smiled and nodded.
�Good night, Jake.� He said softly.
She leaned back against her door as he kissed her good night, more gently and more tenderly than she could ever remember. �I love you,� he whispered against her lips. Giving her hand a brief squeeze, he turned and opened the door to his room.
�I love you too,� she replied. With a smile she walked into her room. A moment later, the door clicked shut behind her.
And how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
any better than this
***
Jake leaned back against the door with a soft sigh. Running a hand through her hair and shaking her head slightly, she flicked the light on.
Walking over to the bed, she sat down and ran a hand over the bedspread. Earlier today, in anticipation she had changed all the sheets, and she smiled slowly as she breathed in the scent of clean linen. Her bedside drawer was half-open, and she chuckled to herself as she saw a new box of condoms lying at the ready. Reaching over, she shut the drawer. Guess she won�t need those tonight.
You calm the storms, you give me rest
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall
You still my heart and you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Would you take me deeper now�
***
Hamilton stood in the hall, not sure what he was still standing there for. He glanced at the interior of his room, but leaned back against the wall instead. Almost without realising it, a small smile broke over his face.
He was disappointed, yet he couldn�t find it in his heart to feel anything other than love and contentment. Earlier in the relationship he was often frustrated with her warding off his advances, though he didn�t ever say that out loud. He wondered what sort of change had taken place inside of him to not care about things like her changing her mind, even after all their talking and planning for tonight.
Perhaps it was because after a while, he knew. He knew that sooner or later they were going to be together, that they were meant for each other and nobody else. All that remained was waiting. He could wait. Because he could see a lifetime ahead with Jacqueline Pratt, and it didn�t matter to him that he didn�t get to make love to her tonight because he knew one day they would, when she was finally ready, and it would be special, and wonderful, and beautiful, and there was no need for them to rush into anything today or tomorrow or the next day because they have their whole lifetime stretched out in front of them. That was how sure he was of their feelings. That came with the territory of loving Jake
And how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
any better than this
And how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
any better than this�
He wondered how it was that, after a year of being together, he couldn�t even conceive of not being with her. He was so sure of this girl�s place in his future that he couldn�t even comprehend a future without her. In a way they were really just one person, making one way in the world. He didn�t know when it was that he started to feel this way, but he was now so sure of it, so sure of their companionship in the future, the friendship, the love� what was one more week, month, even year� to that? She will come to him when she�s ready.
Jake�s door suddenly flew open. His gaze jerked up in surprise and he saw Jake striding out into the hall, stopping in surprise as she saw him still there in the hallway. �Hamilton�� she said, her eyes glittering in the dim light.
Cos you're all I want, you�re all I need
You are everything, everything
You're all I want, you�re all I need
You are everything, everything�
�I went inside my room,� she said in a hurry, as though she�d just made an earth-shaking discovery, �I sat down and looked at my bed and suddenly realised, I don�t want to be alone tonight.�
�Jake�� he said, standing up straight. His heart beat wildly in his chest, �What are you saying?�
You're all I want, you�re all I need
You are everything, everything
You're all I want, you�re all I need
You are everything, everything�
�I�m saying I�m ready,� she walked toward him and took his hand in hers. �I know I�m ready because when I was on my own over there, I couldn�t think of anything else but how much I want� how much I need to spend tonight with you.� She smiled at him, with a resolute fire in her eyes that he had never seen before. �Because it�s going to be comfortable and perfect and I finally know now, this is how I�m supposed to feel, because I only feel it when I�m with you.�
And how can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
any better than this
�Jake�� He didn�t get to finish what he wanted to say because she suddenly pulled him back into her room, hurriedly shut the door behind them, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him fervently.
The kiss affirmed all the things he wanted to know, like if she was really sure or if she wouldn�t regret this or if this was going too fast� because in that kiss she told him that she too, knew all the things that he knew. That everything in this relationship was going to happen no matter what, simply because they understood that there was no other way for them to be � they were going to be together for ever and ever and nothing, absolutely nothing, could make it any other way. Tonight was just another night in the endless succession of nights that were to come.
And can I stand here with you
and not be moved by you
Would you tell me how could it be
any better�
Any better than this�
They kissed each other hungrily, finally reaching an understanding of where they were and where they wanted to go. Yet they never said anything to each other, it was simply evident where they were.
He lowered her onto the bed, slowly lifting her sweater over her head to reveal the starched white binder underneath. She smiled up at him, her cheeks flushed and her expression trusting. He closed his eyes and kissed her on her collarbone, on her left cheek, on her forehead, softly and without haste. She reached up and pulled him down to her, their lips meeting again.
He sank into the velvet sensation of her lips and the warmth of the kiss, feeling her slim fingers start to unbutton his shirt. Moving his hands up past the curve of her waist, he slid his fingers underneath the binder�s Velcro fastenings, and felt them give away, one by one.
Would you tell me�
How could it be�
Any better than this�
Part 6
Carson
It was early in the morning and the streets were all but deserted. With quick and sure strides, Bella walked up to the house that David was staying at, wearing his guitar on her back.
She hadn�t expected him to be up, and was startled when he called her name from the garden, where he sat with a guitar and was evidently in the middle of writing a song. �Hey,� she said, walking toward him, �you�re up early.�
�Yeah, woke up with an idea for a song and couldn�t get back to sleep.� He gestured at the guitar on her back, �What�s this?�
�Oh,� she lifted the strap over her head, �I came to return your guitar.�
He looked at her, his eyes clouding over, �You don�t want to learn anymore?�
�Oh, no, no,� she hurried to say, �I�m still going to play. It�s just� I�ve decided to go home.�
His face fell at the news. �When?�
She checked her watch, �The bus leaves in an hour.�
�An hour?� He repeated, startled. �Well� are you coming back this summer?�
She shrugged, �I don�t know.� Biting her lower lip, she added, �Probably not.�
�So we might not see each other again,� he said softly, gazing up at her. The morning sunlight shone from behind, framing her with a white aura that was almost too bright to look at.
�It�s all because of you, David.� She said earnestly, �You made me see what changes I need to make in my life, and that�s why I know it�s time to go home and start making some of those changes happen.� She lowered her head, �But I will miss you. Very much.�
He smiled wistfully. �You know what? If we�re not going to see each other again, I want you to keep the guitar.�
�What?� She was surprised as she looked down at the instrument she was holding, �I can�t take this! It�s too� it�s too much.� Not only was a guitar not cheap to begin with, it was apparent that David placed a lot of sentimental value on that particular one. Echoing the persuasions of its owner, the body was scattered with pro-vegetarianism and Amnesty International stickers, but places where the golden wood showed through, it was polished and well-lacquered. She chuckled in disbelief, �Look, I�ve received so much from you already, I can�t take your guitar as well!�
�Consider it a keepsake,� he insisted, �from a friend you might not see again. Plus,� he pointed at the guitar he was holding, �I do have another one.�
�Yeah, but�� she protested, and he shushed her with a shake of his head. �I�m serious, Bella, just think of it as something to remember me by.�
�But it�s just too much!� She said hurriedly, �Look, I want to keep something to remember you too, but this� it�s just��
�I�m giving it to you precisely because I value it so much,� he said quietly, �because you have been a valuable friend. I hope you understand that. It�s not a keepsake unless we don�t miss it.�
She stared at him. ��All right�� she slowly acquiesced. �But� I� I don�t know what I can give you.� She looked about herself frantically. She didn�t often wear accessories and she didn�t bring that much stuff to Carson to begin with.
He chuckled. �It�s okay, Bella. The guitar wasn�t a token for barter!�
She snatched upon the bracelet that she was wearing. It was sterling silver in a delicate chain-link style; beautiful precisely because it appeared so modest. She�d seen it on a weekend market here in Carson and loved it so much, she ended up buying it even though it cost much more than anything she normally treated to herself. �Here,� she said, undoing the clasp, �I want you to have this.�
He had gone to the market with her that day. �But you love this,� he objected, �I remember you seeing it and trying to make up your mind for the rest of the day whether to buy it or not.� Shaking his head, he said, �I can�t take it.�
She grinned, �What, you can give me your treasured guitar but I can�t give you a bracelet?� She looked down at the strand of silver, which she was holding out in an upturned hand, �You just said then it�s not a keepsake if we don�t miss it. So,� she grinned, �I will miss this damn thing so you better take it.�
He laughed, �Is there any chance of you stopping quoting me back at me? It�s horrible.� Watching her intently, his hand closed over the bracelet. �Thanks,� he said softly.
She smiled, feeling as though she should not speak. Words had become redundant at this time of departure, where she knew she would probably never see him again. She stood up, strapping the guitar on her back again. He also stood up, clutching the bracelet.
�I�ll miss you,� he said simply.
She smiled again. Without preamble she leaned in and kissed him quickly. He let his eyes fall closed, and kissed her back.
She pulled away from the kiss with another smile. That was where she wished to leave it � the beginnings of a romance that she was content to leave behind. The knowledge that she had the choices available to her, and that she picked the path that she wanted to take. �Goodbye David,� she said as she stepped away.
He nodded, a shade of melancholy flickering in his eyes. But he shook his head as he watched her walk away, a small grin hanging on his lips, and he raised a hand to wave goodbye.
***
Rawley Academy
The school was to be closed for three weeks before reopening for Fall Semester. Classes for Summer Session had finished yesterday, and everybody who hadn�t already left were leaving this morning. The grounds were full of students, their cars and general belongings; people ran back and forth around the dormitories, sorting out last-minute contact numbers and acknowledging each other of holiday plans.
Scout was leaving that day for the Calhoun family�s annual vacation at St. Martin. But his bus wasn�t departing for another couple of hours, so he spent the morning helping Maria move her stuff. �Are you looking forward to Japan?� he asked as the two of them walked down the stairs of the Girls� Academy, a couple of cartons each in hand.
�Yeah,� she said happily, �I totally can�t wait. I haven�t been there for years.� As they walked out of the dormitory doors she told him, �Apparently now there�s this place in Tokyo where teenagers go to compare how weirdly they can dress. It�s a big tourist attraction.�
�I�m sure you�ll be right at home there,� he laughed, eyeing her blue-streaked hair and multiple piercings.
�As if.� She rolled her eyes, �I�ll probably need to dress up in a gorilla suit just to get noticed around there.� Brightening, she set the cartons down by the steps, �Therefore, my plans for the rest of this summer involve transforming myself enough to stand out in that crowd. That should be a challenge.�
He put his load of cartons down, and peeked at her through his peripheral vision. Shuddering slightly at the thought of what her plans may end up entailing, he smiled weakly, �Sounds� fun.�
She sat down on the landing, leaning against the stone handrail. Checking her watch, she craned her neck to check the gates, �My ride should be here soon. Hey�� she spied someone walking up the path to the dorms, �here comes Will.�
�Hey man,� Scout acknowledged his friend, noting that Will seemed a lot more cheerful than he had looked in a long time. �What are you doing here?�
�I came to talk to Maria, actually,� Will said, glancing at the girl who looked up at him with a slightly apologetic expression.
Scout nodded, �Hey, um� I�ve got some stuff to finish up anyway, so I�ll see you when you get back, Maria.�
�You have a good holiday, Scout,� she called as she stood up to face Will.
�You too,� the other boy called as he sauntered away, �Will, come find me later?�
�Sure thing,� Will replied. Turning back to Maria, he smiled uncertainly.
�Hey,� she said, �look, I�m sorry about yesterday��
�No, don�t be.� He shook his head, �That�s what I wanted to talk to you about. I was pretty angry when I left the diner, but I thought about it some more and ended talking to someone who� let�s just say I got a new perspective on this.� He shrugged, �And you�re right, I think I was doing a lot of things for maybe the wrong reasons.�
�I never said that, Will�� she began, but he shook his head again with a smile. �I know what you meant. You had some doubts to my motives of doing this thing and now I understand where it was coming from. Thanks for that.�
�You�re welcome?� She said uncertainly, still not one hundred percent sure how he got to that conclusion. �I�m glad you sorted things out.� Grinning, she added, �No more editorial withdrawal?�
He laughed out loud, �I guess not.� A car horn tooted and they both looked up. �There�s my ride,� she said quickly, picking up her boxes.
He helped her carry the rest over to the car. �Where are your parents?� He asked, seeing only the chauffeur and nobody else.
�My mom�s probably in Japan already.� She replied, opening the door, �who knows what diplomatic mission my dad�s on at the moment?� Rolling her eyes skyward, she chuckled, �Such is the life of a politician�s child. You get used to it.�
�I guess you do,� he answered, watching as she got inside and the car started pulling away. She rolled down the window and waved, calling, �See you next semester!�
***
Jake�s room
The racket of guys moving out of their rooms was reduced to a muffled noise inside the room. Sunlight sneaked past the edges of the curtains, casting slivers of light on the hardwood floor and the messy articles of clothing that lay discarded there.
Jake and Hamilton were both awake, but neither gave any thought to getting up. Lying on the bed that was just a little too narrow to hold two people comfortably, they faced each other, their limbs entangled beneath the covers.
She reached up to wrap a lock of his hair around her finger. �I can�t believe we did it.�
He smiled, �Me neither. But it was everything I hoped it would be.�
She nodded, leaning in to kiss him softly. They lay there for a moment, foreheads and noses touching.
He grinned suddenly, �Does it strike you as funny that we�re so comfortable with this?�
�I know what you mean,� she said softly, �it�s familiar, like we�ve done this millions of times before.�
�What?� He teased, �Familiar? A million times? What sex were you having?�
She blushed, �Not the sex, you dumbass. The cuddling.�
�I got it,� he laughed, running his hand down the smooth curve of her back. Kissing her on the jaw, he smiled lazily, �I was just kidding. But it is weird how we just fall into bed together and, it just feels like this is where we�re supposed to be.�
They gazed at each other, and after a pause he added, �This is how it�s meant to be.�
She smiled, reaching over to kiss him again. As she pulled back she caught a glimpse of the alarm clock by her bed and groaned out loud, �God, I don�t want to get up.�
�So stay,� he grinned, �we don�t need to be out of the dorms until this afternoon.�
�And what do you plan to do until the afternoon, Mr Fleming?� She asked, raising a teasing eyebrow.
�Oh,� he chuckled, holding her close so that her head ended up resting on his shoulder, �I�m sure I have a few ideas.�
***
Scout and Hamilton�s room
�Hey,� Will poked his head into the dorm room, �Maria left.�
�Cool,� Scout looked up from the bags and cartons that he was packing, �so you�re heading home, huh?�
�Hmm,� Will uttered a non-committal answer and walked into the room, looking as though he wanted to ask a favour. Before he did however, Scout said, without a glance in his direction, �You know you�re welcome to stay in St. Martin again with us.�
Will grinned, the relief on his face evident. �Great, I was just going to ask.�
His friend looked at him with a smile, �Are you packed? The bus leaves in an hour or so.�
�Just give me half an hour and I�ll be good to go,� Will promised, turning to leave for his room. He paused though, and turned back, looking at Hamilton�s side of the room quizzically. Nothing was packed, and the boy was nowhere in sight.
Scout caught the look and laughed. �He didn�t sleep in there last night either,� he said in a low, confidential voice, nodding toward Hamilton�s bed. The two of them shared a smirk and Will shook his head with a chuckle, �You know, the Dean�s going to be livid when he finally finds out the truth.�
�Well,� Scout shrugged, �all I can say is, I hope for their sake that she doesn�t get found out before graduation.�
�Yeah�� Will said slowly, wondering about the likelihood of such a scenario. He shook his head: at any rate this wouldn�t stop being speculation until something did end up happening. Also, Jake and Hamilton didn�t seem all that worried about it, so he saw no point in worrying before time, anyway. He grinned at Scout as he walked through the door, �I�ll see you in half an hour.�
*Delerium�s �Daylight� begins to play*
***
The Gas Station
Ryder and Faye filled up on gas for their trip to Boston to pick up Josh. From then on, it was just one smooth plane ride to France. Faye replaced the pump slowly and smiled in anticipation.
Ryder, as always, had filled up twenty seconds ago and was impatient already. �What�s taking you so long?� He demanded from his Porsche, �Let�s go.�
�I�m coming,� she answered, turning to look one more time at the Main Street of New Rawley, the diner and the gas station. With a small smile she strode back to her car, and with a neat handspring landed in the driver�s seat.
�You know,� he commented, �I haven�t seen you do that for a while.�
She smiled but did not answer, turning on the ignition. As they pulled out of the garage, Ryder spied Will and Scout walking down Main Street with travel bags in hand. He glanced at Faye who, as the two guys passed the gas station, exchanged a brief look with Scout.
Scout turned his head to hold Faye�s gaze as he and Will walked past the gas station, feeling as though for that second or two he was moving in slow motion. Her violet eyes followed his movement, the expression in them simultaneously rueful and careless. Then, jerking her gaze away, she stepped on the accelerator and her black convertible shot out onto the street, away from him, away from all of this. Ryder, with a slight smirk in Will and Scout�s direction, followed.
Will turned back to Scout, who stared after the Forrest siblings� tracks, forlornness apparent in his expression. �There�s still time,� he said gently, laying a hand on Scout�s shoulder, �in the fall� whenever. You�ll get her back if you try.�
Scout managed a small smile in his direction, �I hope you�re right.�
�I know I�m right,� Will slapped the other boy on the back, �come on, let�s get to St. Martin.�
If you can believe you�re turning
All the world that broke your mind
Then I can do something for you
Even though you�re lost in time
You won�t have to be my heaven
I won�t have to be your friend
Daylight� daylight comes every time it�s calling
Daylight� daylight it goes away again now
***
Don�t let go, don�t let go of your heart
Don�t let go, don�t let go of your heart
Hamilton and Jake stayed in bed, despite the time and all that was going on outside. The same thought was in their minds that this perfect night didn�t have to end, so long as they stayed inside this bed, this private little island on which only they and they alone remained habitant. This sanctuary � of romance and magic and tenderness and comfort, above all � was all they required.
He ran a hand through her tousled hair, staring into her eyes. She smiled back at him, content in his arms.
***
Will and Scout boarded the bus to the airport, and as it pulled away from the curb they could see another bus pulling into the stop. The doors opened, and the first person to jump off was Bella, wearing a backpack and carrying a guitar case in her hand. �Look, there�s Bella!� Scout grabbed Will, the two of them running to the back of the bus where they may call out and wave at the friend whom they hadn�t seen in a while. �Bella! Hey! Bella!�
She looked around, and caught the sight of them waving madly through the rear window of their bus; they also looked to be shouting happily at her, although she could not hear them. She laughed out loud and waved back, watching their bus depart.
*Will�s voiceover begins*
�It�s true that with every passing year we grow up, but how exactly do we undergo the mental, the psychological process of becoming an older person than what we were? This process of getting older can take on so many forms � it could come from something we have achieved, something we�d realised, or something that we have done. It�s hard sometimes, knowing that there are boundaries to cross without knowledge of how to do it; but we manage, even if we sometimes stumble on the way. But that�s exactly how we learn to grow up� after all, we grow not through the simple passing of time, but through the gaining of experience. I think we all, in the end, gained something this summer. And so in different ways we had all gotten older. I think that�s a good thing.�
Feel like your skin is burning
Into many drops of rain
But it�s doing nothing to me
Drowning in a sea of pain
You won�t have to be my heaven
I won�t have to be your friend
Oh daylight� daylight comes every time it�s calling
Daylight� daylight it goes away again now
When the bus finally drove out of sight, taking Will and Scout with it, Bella turned around and strode purposefully to the gas station. It wasn�t far away, and she reached it within minutes. Through the glass door she could already see Charlie and Grace sitting at the counter.
Before she walked inside, she looked up at the sky. The sun was high in the heavens, casting its light down on the small, quiet town. Breathing in the simple pleasure of it all, she pushed open the door, causing the bells strung above it to tinkle and signify her arrival. Charlie and Grace looked toward her, and after a moment to register, identical welcoming smiles broke out over their faces. Bella smiled back.
She had come home.
Don�t let go of your heart
Don�t let go of your heart
Don�t you know who you are�
Don�t let go of your heart�
