Additional disclaimer: Title of the episode corresponds to song of the same title by Coldplay. A couple of Hamilton�s lines courtesy of Lauren Eli. One scene contains a bit of inspiration from the sleevenotes of Spiritualized�s �Lazer Guided Melodies�.
Author's note: Sorry about not using swing music for the Cotillion like season one. It�s just entirely not my genre of expertise and I�d rather have some nice trip hop/alt stuff soundtracking my episodes.
Part 1
Teaser
Rawley Academy
*Grinspoon�s �Chemical Heart� plays with opening fade-in�*
Summer Session at Rawley wasn�t exactly a picture of how hard life could get. Hot, sultry days whiled away by loitering beside the lake with nothing to do except pondering the trivialities of life� it almost made up for having to go to school in the middle of summer.
This was one of those days, and the gang were doing just that. Loitering at the docks. Pondering. Rather pointless, but the sun was beating down and it was too hot to do anything else.
*Bella�s voiceover starts*
�It�s times like this that really get you. You look around, and you think life is really going okay.
Then something shifts, the wind changes, and it feels like the electricity that charges up the air before a lightning storm - you sense it crackling over your skin, but you don�t even know if it�s actually there or just a figment of your imagination.
There is no way to run from it because all this - the warning signs, the most subtle of things that tell you something is wrong beneath all this placidity - they sneak up on you unawares. It happens so fast that, even as you realise, the storm would have already come and gone.�
--�When� look for a ride and you need to get high, my friend / Spend all your time just walking around instead / Like black rose it�s somebody to hold for them� for them��
� I wonder,� Faye Archer said, popping her gum and adjusting her sunglasses so that the glare bouncing off the lake didn�t catch her eyes.
The others waited. Nothing came from her direction, so Scout Calhoun prompted, � What?�
� I wonder how long this is going to last,� she answered, staring at the Girls� Academy opposite the water. The lake�s reflection rippled across her mirrored lenses.
Everybody else looked baffled. Will Krudski seemed to get what she was saying, though. He nodded and lay back on the wooden planks that shaped the docks, � I know what you mean.�
� Care to enlighten the rest of us?� Hamilton Fleming asked, although not impatiently. It was too hot to be impatient. He glanced sympathetically at Jake Pratt, who sat sweltering by his side. That was one thing about a girl masquerading as a boy in the summer; when every other girl got to don skimpy bikini tops and all the guys went topless, you still had to wear long-sleeve shirts and those damn Rawley crew sweatpants. She was picking ice out of his drink and eating them piece by piece.
--�Let�s� go outside having nothing to hide, for free / Can't seem to see the forest from the trees / Grass is always greener / but how do you know we'll see, we�ll see��
Faye and Will glanced at each other. � You know, this,� gestured Will towards the lake as he elaborated. Not very well, evidently.
� Huh.� Scout produced a noise that fell somewhere between not understanding and not caring.
Faye grinned at him, � I mean the peace. It�s been a long time since things have been so quiet.�
� You�re right,� Jake agreed, � things have been quiet. Nothing�s going on. Not in a bad way,� she hastened to add when Hamilton looked at her strangely. � Just� you know, it�s peaceful.�
� It�s boring, you mean.� Faye yawned, � Seriously, nothing is happening. Will? What�s going on with you? I thought you would be totally sunk by now, rooming with Ryder and doing the Summer Book and everything.�
� Thanks,� Will retorted with a good-natured chuckle, � I�m sorry I didn�t make up your excitement quota.� Sitting back up, he shielded his eyes against the sun, � Actually, rooming with Ryder isn�t too bad at the moment. We sort of have a mutual agreement to stay out of each other�s hair.�
Faye smirked, whispering into Scout�s ear, � Ryder lets them get complacent before he strikes.�
Scout laughed, and Will glanced at the two of them, � What?�
--�Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart / Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart��
� Nothing.� The couple chorused, the very picture of innocence. Will narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but continued, � and the Summer Book�s going really well. That reminds me, Ham,�
Hamilton glanced over, � Yeah?�
� How are the photos coming along?� Will asked. Hamilton had volunteered to be the �official� photographer for the Rawley Summer Book that Will was in charge of, but had yet to produce any sort of documentation on his progress.
The other boy nodded, � It�s fine. I�ve got a portfolio going. You want to check it out sometime?�
� Sure,� Will started to stand up, � Might as well be now.�
Hamilton jumped to his feet, � It�s back in my room.�
� See you later,� the others waved unenthusiastically, feeling too withered in the sun for sudden energetic movement of any kind. Hamilton and Will set off towards the dorms, and Faye turned back to Scout and Jake, sighing dramatically. � Nothing is happening.�
� Cotillion in a couple of days,� Jake pointed out, although it was hard to picture anyone who displayed any more lack of enthusiasm. The mere thought of wearing a dinner jacket in this heat was torture. She eyed Faye�s spaghetti-strap top jealously, tugging at the hem of her blue cotton shirt.
--�Forgotten� maybe things are right on the other side, undone / Better off wishing for the stars to kill the sun / Like packed rows that nobody can hold, no one / No one��
Faye brightened, � That�s true.� Turning and smiling at Scout, she added, � Josh is coming back, too.�
� Yeah.� Her boyfriend was considerably less psyched at the prospect, and he didn�t bother to hide it. The thing was, no matter how much Faye assured him that there was nothing going on between Josh and herself and that Josh was involved with somebody else anyway, they still hung out together at the expense of all her free time. Sometimes Scout felt like he was intruding if he went too close to those two during one of their bonding sessions. He wondered how anyone could have so much to talk about, even if they have been best friends since they were toddlers.
--�Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart / Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart yeah��
Jake watched the couple�s exchange disinterestedly, contemplating if she wanted to go back inside. It wasn�t until Lena Fletcher was almost on top of her when she realised someone was walking up the docks. She jumped up in surprise.
Lena hadn�t been attending Summer Session but had evidently returned for the Cotillion. � Hey Jake,� she smiled, � how have you been?�
The redhead shrugged, � All right. Hey, I was wondering if you�d do me a favour.�
Jake eyed her and didn�t want to appear too wary; although Lena was not known as one who had the best ideas - a certain disastrous three-person date sprung to mind. � What sort of favour?�
� I was wondering if you�d go to the Cotillion with me?� Lena asked. Jake raised an eyebrow and she continued hurriedly, � I mean, the gay thing isn�t an issue. I just like you as a friend, that�s all. I thought I was going with Ryan, but as you know, he left school in a hurry and I�m sort of stuck without a date.�
Faye and Scout looked on with interest. Jake tried to ignore their identical smirks. � Um,� she said, � Lena, I�m going with Hamilton.�
Lena blinked, � Oh, I thought you guys broke up.�
Jake sighed and fought the urge to roll her eyes. She�d not only been through this before, it was almost beginning to feel routine.
--�When� look for a ride and you need to get high, my friends / Spend all your time just walking around instead / Like a stacked row it�s somebody to hold for them� for them��
� Because you heard Hamilton slept with Josh, right?� Faye laughed, � Did I ever mention I�m loving all this? Complete classic.�
Lena glanced at Faye in confusion, then back at Jake, � So you guys are still together?�
� Look,� Jake sighed, � I know there�s been a rumour going around, but no, Hamilton didn�t sleep with Josh, and no, we have not broken up.�
� God, don�t tell me it�s that thing again,� Hamilton groaned loudly, walking back up the docks with Will, photography portfolio in hand, � Lena, even you believe that crap?�
� Well, everyone�s been saying it,� Lena said, defensive. Looking from Hamilton to Jake, then back at Hamilton again, she asked dubiously, � it�s just a rumour?�
Will grinned at Faye and Scout, he too enjoying the fallout of a misunderstanding at the end of last semester, which resulted in quite a few fun scenes lately. Of course, the fact that they were merely spectators made it fun; for Jake and Hamilton it was starting to seriously grate on their nerves.
� YES.� Hamilton grew red, and his voice was rising steadily in volume, � Look, I didn�t sleep with Josh Sutherland, okay? I have never slept with him, I don�t want to sleep with him, and I don�t plan to ever sleep with him, IS THAT CLEAR TO EVERYONE?�
Everyone nodded solemnly and tried to contain their laughter. Hamilton nodded grimly, satisfied.
Then, a voice spoke behind him, dryly, � You�re breaking my heart, Ham.�
Hamilton whirled around, as did everybody else. Josh Sutherland stood a few feet away, an overnight bag slung over his shoulder and a teasing twinkle in his eye.
--�Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart / Can't get started / Chemical heart / Every time I get started / you pull me apart yeah��
Part 2
*Opening credits and theme song*
Rawley Boys� Academy, common room
� Oh, it�s so great,� Josh said enthusiastically, flinging dark hair out of his eyes, � you guys all have to go! The scene is totally manic, we are getting to meet so many people and it�s just been so crazy I can�t even describe it - did I tell you about that goth band that completely trashed their equipment and actually started on ours? And we were just like, �What the hell are you doing?� And the other day when we were halfway through our set, Geoff the bassist from another band Relic, started a fight with some guy in the audience and they were struggling around and completely smashed into Emily and she fell right on top of Alex��
The others sat clustered around him in the common room, forgoing the sunshine for the welcoming air-conditioning indoors. After the initial confusion and chaos as everyone tried to greet Josh all at once, Will had left for work and Lena had drifted away, still in a state of bemusement. Seeing that he was very much not an outdoors person, Josh relocated inside with the rest of his friends, and had managed to launch into keen descriptions of his time in Boston, scoring club gigs and doing a bit of recording with his band, Amnesia.
Faye grinned at him affectionately, interrupting his excited babble, � So we take it you�re having a good time?�
� The best,� he affirmed. � And Malcolm�s been getting into the whole rock scene as well, you should see him - he�d just gotten dreads and looks so different��
� Ah, you and Malcolm,� Jake interrupted gleefully, � that�s something else you have to tell us about.�
Josh nodded, � We were actually planning to meet with some of the REACH guys before we went.� He smirked, looking slightly devious, � We�ve got some plans up our sleeves.�
Jake and Hamilton stole a look at each other. Being members of the Rawley Effort Against Conventional Heterosexuality despite their ironic non-gay relationship, they had always felt a little funny getting into the whole gay pride deal. Support and involvement weren�t exactly the same things, and they weren�t quite sure just how the two of them had managed to become some sort of Rawley gay icon. Their friends gave them endless grief about it, good-natured to be sure, but it still got tedious at times. And they didn�t even want to think how it might all end, when word inevitably gets out that Jake was a girl all this time.
With all this in mind, Jake asked nervously, � What sort of plans?�
� You�ll see.� Josh had the unsettling look of something truly evil in his smile.
He hadn�t changed much during his time away from school, pale and slight as always, still wearing his signature black outfits and looking half-heartedly gothic. Jake was just about to ask him how he managed not to die of heatstroke when Malcolm Harding appeared in the doorway.
Everyone, with the exception of Josh, looked up and gaped. Josh was right, he looked very different - it was weird seeing someone as sweet-natured as Malcolm to suddenly go a little grungy on them. � Hey guys,� he smiled, walking into the common room, offering an explanation for turning up late, � had to go sort out some living conditions with Finn for the couple days we�re back here.�
� Malcolm,� Jake stared at her REACH buddy, � You look so different.�
He smiled and went to sit beside Josh, � People have been saying that a lot.�
� You should see what he gets up to at gigs.� Josh winked, and Malcolm elbowed him, � Look who�s talking.�
Josh laughed softly and turned back to everybody else, � That reminds me, I have to tell you about the time when Malcolm got sick of Matthew hitting on me and tried to shove an eyeliner up his nose��
* * *
The diner
� Josh is back?� Bella Banks repeated, slurping on her raspberry smoothie, � Great. I missed having him around.�
Will came out the back with a bucket of ice cream mix for the processor, and started emptying the contents into the machine, � Yeah, he�s only back for a couple of days though.�
� Is this Josh Sutherland you�re talking about?� asked Maria Ishizuka, who had just come in for her work shift and was putting on her apron as she spoke.
� Yeah,� Will turned in her direction, � You know him?�
� Not personally,� Maria answered, � but I�ve been to a couple of his band�s gigs. They�re pretty good.�
� They are, aren�t they?� Bella enthused, having been one of Amnesia�s earlier supporters. Smiling, she extended a hand, � Hi, I�m Bella.�
� Maria,� the other girl shook her hand cheerfully, � Will�s told me a lot about you.�
� Really?� Bella hadn�t expected that, � all good, I hope.�
� All interesting.� Maria grinned, � I was going to run over to the gas station to say hi.�
� Oh,� Bella was charmed, � well, hi.�
Maria laughed, � So what is this about Josh Sutherland? Is Amnesia playing at the Cotillion or something?�
� No,� Will answered, � he�s going though.�
� What about you two?� Maria asked, � I guess you�re going together.�
� Yup,� Will answered promptly and Bella raised her eyebrows at him, � We are? I don�t recall you inviting me.�
� Well,� he was surprised, � I figured we would be.�
� I would still like to be asked, Will.� she reminded him gently, chewing on her lower lip.
Maria looked from one to the other, sensing some dangerous ground. � Well, uh, I better get back to work,� she said quickly, slipping back into the kitchen. Will took no notice of his co-worker disappearing and instead focused his attention on Bella, � Well, okay. I�ll ask you now. Do you want to come to the Cotillion with me?�
She sighed. � Yeah, really romantic, Will.�
He was growing defensive, � Hey, I just thought��
� Well, that�s the thing,� she answered, stirring the remains of her smoothie, � You just assume we�re going without even bothering to ask me any more.�
� So�� he was confused, � does this mean you don�t want to go?�
She looked up, � I want to go.�
� So what�s the big deal?� He frowned.
� It�s the principle.� She emphasised, getting more and more frustrated because it seemed that her point simply wasn�t getting through. � I feel like my opinion doesn�t�� she broke off there, realising that a shiny black Porsche had pulled into the gas station across the road and was evidently awaiting service. � I�ll talk to you later,� she said hurriedly, jumping off her stool and scurrying outside.
Will watched her go, sighing with irritation. Behind him, Maria ducked out of the kitchen. � So, what was that about?�
� I think she thinks I don�t respect her enough,� he answered, � or something like that.�
� Bummer,� she said sympathetically. Then, � maybe you guys have been going out for too long.�
He glanced at her, and she shrugged, � Things get tedious with old couples.�
� We�re not an old couple,� his tone was starting to take on a hint of annoyance.
She shrugged again, walking off to take an order. He turned again and stared across the street.
* * *
� Ryder,� Bella coolly acknowledged the boy inside the Porsche, � New car.�
Ryder Forrest peered over the top of designer sunglasses, lips set in his signature smirk, � Handles like a dream, luv. Care to hot-wire it again and see how it performs?�
Bella chose not to acknowledge the comment. � Need gas?�
He opened the door and swung his long legs over the side, � Be a good pump girl and get it for me, will you? Don�t fancy dirtying up these hands.�
She shot him a poisonous look, � You�re not an invalid, Ryder.�
He twisted his lips into a mocking grimace and got out of the car, heading toward the pumps, � Don�t we have our knickers in a twist today.�
She glared, � Whereas you would of course be your usual sunny self, with Josh back and all.�
He turned around, stopping in his tracks, � What did you say?�
She was confused, � What?�
He made a move as though to take off his sunglasses, but his hand halted in mid-air, which he chose to run through his hair instead. � Josh,� he asked slowly, � is back at Rawley?�
� That�s what I heard,� she answered, wondering why on earth she was bothering to carry on a civil conversation with Ryder Forrest. Then again, he wasn�t sniping, a rare occurrence in itself.
Then he smiled. She nearly fell over with the shock.
For once, he actually looked happy. Not sardonic, or disdainful, or devious, but happy.
* * *
Rawley Boys� Academy, classroom
� So,� Josh began, looking around the room, � what�s REACH been up to?�
Not one to sit around, he had called a meeting within hours of getting back. Only a few people turned up, seeing some members had graduated by the end of last semester and more were away for the summer. Outside of Josh, Malcolm, Jake and Hamilton, there were only a couple other guys present.
Hamilton glanced around. No one seemed to know what to do, so he spoke up, � Nothing. You can see we don�t have enough people to��
� Bother.� Thomas Greenwood interrupted, � With Jesse and Lance gone, I don�t think anyone�s bothering to do anything.�
� What is there to do anyway?� Jake asked, � I mean, it�s nice we get to hang out, but what�s the point of doing stuff for REACH? People know about us already.�
Josh looked disapprovingly at her, � Well, first I think we should think about recruiting new members.�
� I doubt many freshmen are ready to come out,� Malcolm reminded him gently.
� Nevertheless,� Josh smiled, � we should at least make them aware that there is a gay society here when they feel ready to join.�
It seemed like a decent enough plan. � What did you have in mind?� Jake asked.
� Cotillion.� Josh answered with a curt nod of the head.
Everyone stared at him expectantly. � Yeah, what about it?� Jake prompted.
Josh reddened, � Okay, well, um, hear me out before you shoot the idea down altogether, okay?�
� Okay,� the others replied, his remark making them just a little wary of what he may end up proposing.
Josh cleared his throat, tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, and fell silent. Malcolm looked away, trying to hide a smile.
� Josh, what is it?� Hamilton finally asked, after moments have passed with no sound coming from the dark-haired boy, who had taken to playing with his shirtsleeves. Very prettily, to be sure, but not in the least informative where the Cotillion was concerned.
Josh looked up, � Okay,� he started once more, � So.�
Everyone waited. He stopped again.
� For god�s sake, spit it out!� Thomas exclaimed, � If it�s taking you this long just to talk about it, I hate to think what we actually have to do.�
Malcolm coughed, his face turned to one side. The cough sounded suspiciously like the word �dresses�.
The others turned back to Josh. � Dresses?� Jake repeated, thinking of the lovely pink one that she never got to wear. Or any of her girl clothes, really. She couldn�t even remember the last time she dressed like a girl.
Josh looked around meekly, � Yeah, dresses. For the Cotillion.� He cleared his throat again, � Uh, that we wear.�
The others looked too terrified to speak. Josh hastened to add, � Look, it�s a really good publicity stunt��
� Are you insane?� Thomas exploded, � We�re gay, not women!�
Jake fought the mad urge to laugh, sneaking a look at Hamilton. He had a queasy look on his face, caught halfway between the irony of the last comment and the sheer horror of what Josh had suggested.
� No, guys, seriously, please hear me out.� Josh pleaded, � Look, it�s all in good fun, right? And it�s not like we�re going in full drag. It�s just making a point.�
� With taffeta?� Hamilton asked, queasy expression still firmly in place, � No way. You are not getting me in a dress, no way.�
� It will make an impression,� Josh wheedled.
� Fat lot of good if we can never show our faces at school again,� Thomas pointed out, � Look, it�s one thing to go out in full drag during the Pride Parade or whatever�� Catching a few looks from the others, he reddened, � Hey, I�ve never done it okay? I�m just saying.�
Malcolm laughed and came to Josh�s rescue, � Guys, just think about it, please? It�s just for one night, it�s cheeky without breaking any rules, and it�s for a good cause.� As an added bonus, he grinned, � Josh wears dresses all the time.�
Several gazes swerved in the Josh�s direction, who waved his hand flippantly, � It helps make up the stage image for the band. And now it�s for the image of REACH.�
� That we�re all a bunch of idiots flouncing around in prom dresses?� Hamilton suggested, unhelpfully.
Josh shot him a look, � Watch it, Fleming, or I will personally run around campus affirming the rumour that you and I entertained one steamy affair behind Jake�s back.�
Jake and Thomas burst out laughing. Hamilton turned beet red, but the threat effectively shut him up.
� Anyway, I have a slightly less drastic back-up plan,� Josh continued.
� That doesn�t involve dresses?� Thomas asked hopefully.
� The dresses stay,� Josh grinned, watching Thomas� face fall. � We could go in couples and one person in each couple could wear the dress.�
� That�s how he convinced me,� Malcolm chuckled, lacing Josh�s fingers through his own. Josh smiled sweetly to the rest of the group, � Well? It�s just for one night, guys.�
Thomas glanced around. � Look, I�m okay with it as long as it�s not me wearing the dress.�
� Great,� Josh grinned, sensing that victory was near. He turned to Jake and Hamilton, � You guys will support me, right?�
� I�m not wearing a dress.� Hamilton said staunchly.
� So Jake will wear it,� Josh was undaunted, � right, Jake?�
� Uh,� Jake said, shooting a desperate look at Hamilton.
� Okay? Okay.� Josh rushed ahead, trying to complete his plan before someone vetoed it completely, � It�s settled, then.�
� Uh,� Jake said in a feeble attempt to interrupt, but Josh was not to be interrupted. Grinning at Malcolm, he announced gleefully, � Guys, grab your dresses, we�re going to the Cotillion!�
Part 3
Rawley Academy
The guys at the REACH meeting had dispersed, each with the faint idea that he had somehow been tricked into doing this dress thing. Nevertheless, Josh had gotten his way, and it appears that certain REACH members were indeed going to the Cotillion clad in taffeta.
Jake and Hamilton had stayed behind in the empty classroom, wondering how the hell they managed to get into this mess. � I�m NOT wearing a dress!� Hamilton insisted, for the umpteenth time.
� Well, I can�t do it!� Jake tried to reason with him, � It�s hard enough to be a girl pretending to be a guy, but how on earth am I supposed to dress up as a guy dressing like a girl?�
� I KNOW!� He exploded, � Jake, this is insane. It�s not enough I have to pretend I�m gay for you, but now I have to wear a fucking dress to the Cotillion?�
Despite everything, she found herself laughing, � Come on, the irony is pretty funny.�
� It�s not funny at all,� he said huffily, � I�m not wearing a dress.�
� They all expect us to,� she tried to explain, � or at least one of us.�
� By �one of us� you mean me,� he was red with aggravation, � Jake, I swear, this is getting out of hand.�
Staring at her, he sighed loudly, tugging on his hair, � God, what am I going to do?�
She peeked up at him through lowered lashes, and suggested meekly, � Go shopping for a dress?�
* * *
Faye and Paige�s room
� Finally, some time alone.� Scout collapsed onto Faye�s bed and stared up at the ceiling, � I mean, it�s great that Josh is back and all, but I�m so glad we get some time together.�
� Not now, Scout.� Faye said, busy changing her earrings, � Ryder called and we�re going out with Josh tonight.�
He sat up, looking sullen. � When are you leaving?�
� After Josh�s REACH meeting,� she glanced at her watch, � which should be about now.�
� But Faye,� he moaned, � I haven�t seen you all day.�
� Oh, stop it.� She said, dabbing shiny red gloss on her lips, � I�ll only be gone for a few hours.�
He got to his feet and stuck his hands in his pockets, looking sulky. She turned around when she saw his expression from the mirror, sighing, � He�s only here for two days, Scout.�
� And whenever he�s here, you blow me off,� he was getting fed up, fast. � Look, how many times have we done this already? I feel like I�m never alone with you when Josh is around!�
She sighed, � Can we talk about this later? I have to go.� Planting a quick kiss on him, she dashed towards the door, � Later, I promise.�
The door shut behind her and he sat down again, hitting the bedpost with frustration. � Whatever.�
* * *
Rawley Boys� Academy
� I�ve got a dinner date with Faye and Ryder,� Josh said to Malcolm as they walked down the hallway, � but I�ll be back in a couple of hours.�
� Have fun.� Malcolm smiled at him, and watched as Josh descended the steps of the building, heading across the lawns. A hushed argument reached his ears from behind, and he turned to see Jake and Hamilton striding down the hallway and up the dormitory stairs. � I�m not wearing a dress,� Hamilton was repeating what seemed to be the only sentence that he knew at the moment, to which Jake responded decisively, � You have to.�
Malcolm raised his eyebrows, he hadn�t realised that the effeminate Jake had as much aversion to dress-wearing as Hamilton. Casually, he wondered who - literally speaking - wore the pants in the relationship.
* * *
*Coldplay�s �Sparks� starts to play*
Josh walked over the lawns, noting how the manicured grass was drenched a rich gold by the late afternoon sun. With one hand he shielded his eyes against the glowing world, and saw standing ahead of him a familiar figure, waiting under the oak tree.
The sunlight scattered fragments of light and shadow over Ryder�s hair as he stood, hands tucked away in the pockets of his suede coat.
He had taken off his sunglasses, and his eyes were translucent blue, as though in them he had somehow caught a little piece of the sky. He watched as Josh approached, a half-smile playing about his lips.
--�Did I drive you away? / I know what you'll say / You'll say 'Oh, sing one you know' / But I promise you this / I'll always look out for you / that's what I'll do��
Josh walked closer. � Hello,� he said.
� Hullo.� Ryder replied. His gaze travelled over Josh, quickly but carefully. � You�ve gotten thin.�
� Have I?� Josh seemed surprised. � Well, I�ve been busy.�
Ryder nodded, � I hear you had fun.�
� Yeah,� Josh smiled, � It�s been great. We�ve done so much stuff, there are heaps of gigs lined up and people really seem to be getting into our sound, I think we�re recording an EP pretty soon and things finally seem to be falling into place. I know it�s a really manic pace but somehow everything manages to hold together��
Ryder�s gaze was somewhat indulgent as he listened to the babble, but the blue in his eyes grew a little bit harder as Josh continued talking, about the band, about the crazy antics they got up to, about life in Boston, about recording� without stop, without thought. Finally he interrupted, � Josh,�
Josh paused, a little out of breath, � Yeah?�
Ryder looked at him, strangely contemplative.
� What�s wrong?� he asked, the question seeming to come out of nowhere.
Josh chuckled, � What do you mean, �What�s wrong?��
Ryder just looked at him, his expression revealing nothing. But the look in his eyes was sharp and searching, and Josh could only look back for a moment before he lowered his head, breaking eye contact.
Sticking his hands in his pockets, he kicked the ground lightly, � Nothing�s wrong.�
Ryder did not answer, leaning back against the tree and watching the sunlight glance off Josh�s dark hair, making the strands glow alternately black and gold.
--� My heart is yours, it's you that I hold on to / that's what I'll do / I know I was wrong, but I won't let you down / Oh yeah I will, yeah I will� yes I will��
A moment later Josh spoke again, his voice subdued, � How�d you tell?�
� I just�� Ryder looked lost for words, � something just felt wrong.�
Josh swallowed, his voice scarcely higher than a whisper. � Nothing�s really wrong at the moment, but it�s starting to feel like things aren�t going exactly right, either. I don�t know what to do.�
� What do you mean?� Ryder�s voice was strangely soothing. Josh glanced up gratefully, their gazes locking for a brief second.
In that second, the afternoon melted away in a haze of soft gold.
--�I said I� / I cry� / I saw sparks / yeah, I saw sparks��
� I just�� Josh looked away quite suddenly, and he shrugged. � Things are starting to feel like they are getting out of control. My control.�
� The band?� Ryder prompted.
� The band, the music,� Josh shrugged again, � everything. I��
He was interrupted by Faye, who ran across the lawn and waved happily at them. � My two favourite boys,� she announced, � Where shall we dine?�
Ryder glanced at Josh, whose slightly forlorn expression had been expertly replaced by a smile. � Hey,� he said, � wherever is fine. You got any ideas?�
� Well,� Faye grinned, � I know quite a few good places in Carson, if Ryder would be so kind to drive us.�
Ryder took a moment to reply. Taking his concerned gaze off Josh, he smiled at the two of them, � Sure. Let�s go.�
--�And I saw sparks / yeah I saw sparks / Singing out� yeah��
* * *
Rawley Academy
The annual Regatta was coming up, and the crew team was starting to shift into uber-practice mode. That, in Finn terms, equated to two practices a day. Although tiring, the evening sessions were pleasant enough to warrant only a few odd grumbles; but it was the morning practice that really got to the team. Getting up at some godforsaken hour - even on weekends - to row in the chilly semi-darkness was never anybody�s idea of a good time, and this morning was no exception.
The boat shot across the surface of the lake, Finn�s motorboat running alongside it and creating a low rumble that interrupted the otherwise silent morning. As the oars dipped in unison, the water rippled outwards like navy silk. � Two man, you�re still going into the water too early!� called Jake, shivering in her hooded sweater.
* * *
After hours of gruelling practice, Finn had finally decided it was enough and called the team back to shore. Massaging stiff shoulders, the guys trudged back and dispersed, ready to relax for half a day before having to get ready for the Cotillion that night.
� A dress,� Hamilton said mournfully, as he and Jake walked toward the dorms, � My god, I�m going to wear a dress to the Cotillion.�
� Well, if it�s any consolation, it�s a very pretty dress,� Jake smirked.
Kate Fleming, after first being startled at the idea, actually turned out to be supportive and helpfully altered one of her old dresses to fit her son. Hamilton found so many things wrong with that scenario that he had ceased to talk about it altogether, but the Day of the Cotillion dawned and he was suddenly again struck with the monstrosity of what he had to do� or wear.
� I am going to die,� he continued as they walked up the stairs, � I�m going to die from all the people laughing at me.� He paused, then added hopefully, � or maybe they�ll die first from too much laughing.�
She chuckled, linking her arm through his, � Let�s hope so.�
* * *
Will walked back to the dorms to get his bike, dazed from getting up too early and exhausted from the rigorous workout that he�d just had. All of a sudden somebody tapped him on the shoulder, and he uttered a yell of surprise, whirling around.
It was Maria, who got frightened in turn. � Whoa!� she exclaimed, jumping back.
� Sorry,� Will said, � you scared me.�
� I scared you?� she asked incredulously, putting one hand over her breastbone, � You nearly gave me a heart attack with that� bellowing pirouette thing.�
He stared at her and bursting out laughing, � Bellowing pirouette?�
� Well,� she shrugged, straight-faced, � that was what you did. I thought it was a rather accurate description. Maybe I could even get a cartoon out of that.� She gestured dramatically in mid-air, � William Krudski, Rawley�s resident operatic ballerina.�
� God, please don�t.� Will was only too aware that she was the kind of person who�d actually carry through something like that. � So where are you off to?�
� Work,� she answered, � I have an early shift today.�
� Hey, me too.� He pointed at his bike, � Want a lift?�
� Yeah, thanks. That�s actually why I came to find you in the first place.� She answered happily, following him as he started wheeling the bike out onto the path, � I saw our names on the roster and figured I could bum a ride on your bike.�
� Well-spotted.� He chuckled, � hop on.�
* * *
Bella�s room
Bella was jolted awake by a joyous shriek outside. � Look, no hands! No hands!� A girl shouted, evidently not caring that she was disturbing the peace of the small-town morning. Bella rubbed her eyes, dragged herself out of bed and stumbled over to the window.
Parting the curtains with one hand, she saw, to her surprise, Will riding down Main Street. Maria was perched on the handlebars and gleefully waving her hands in the air, balancing most precariously on the bike. Losing her centre of gravity for a moment, she tilted sideways, which sent Will�s handlebars swerving and the two of them promptly toppled over, their laughter cascading into the crisp morning air. � Come on,� said Will, helping Maria up, � We�re late for our shift.�
Bella watched as they walked into the diner, still chuckling. She let the curtains fall back into place, the gauzy material rustling softly as it settled.
With a start she realised that she should have been suspicious, or jealous. Probably both.
* * *
Ryder and Will�s room
� Ugh,� Ryder flicked cigarette ash out the open window - sitting on the windowsill was convenient for that. � It�s sheer torture. Krudski is such a�� he clutched at the air, trying to come up with a suitable word to describe what Will was.
Josh and Faye watched him from their seats on his bed, laughing. � He�s a nice guy,� Faye insisted, � A little uptight at times, but he�s decent.�
� But you don�t have to live with all his self-righteous philosopher-poet wank,� her brother pointed out, rolling his eyes and doing a very bad impersonation of� well, it was supposed to be Will. � Oh, I�m so tortured; oh, I�ve got so many life-altering tests of my morals; oh, I�ve got to write in that bloody journal every single bloody day!�
Josh chuckled, � I think it�s nice that he�s got a creativity outlet.�
� Oh, and I don�t?� Ryder raised an eyebrow.
Faye and Josh both snorted. � Oh?� Faye challenged, � What�s yours then?�
� Thinking up witty insults.� Ryder replied with a grin. A knock sounded on the door and he called, � It�s open.�
Scout poked his head through, � Faye, I thought I�d find you here.�
� Hey,� she smiled at him, � what�s up?�
� Can I talk to you?� He asked, eyeing Josh and Ryder, � Outside.�
She glanced at the others, sliding off the bed. � What is it?� she asked as she walked out into the hallway and he closed the door behind her.
� About the Cotillion,� he said, � when should I pick you up and all that.�
She looked at him strangely, � Why do I need to come out here for that?�
He just looked at her. She sighed, � Scout, I�m sorry I haven�t been spending much time with you lately, okay? I�ll make it up to you tonight.�
He pouted, � Promise?�
She grinned and pecked him on the cheek, � Promise.�
* * *
� He�s a twat,� Ryder commented crisply, watching Scout closing the door behind Faye.
Josh laughed, � Well, he hates us.�
� Honestly, I don�t know what she sees in him,� Ryder made a face, lighting up again. � So.�
Josh glanced up at him, � so��
� We never got a chance to finish our conversation,� Ryder changed the subject, � how is life?�
� I feel silly talking about it now.� Josh frowned, � Look, it�s nothing, okay? I just get this uneasy feeling that things aren�t exactly going my way, but I can�t really pinpoint it either��
� So you try to cover it up with excessive cheer.� Ryder was blunt, as always.
Josh shrugged, � Maybe if I try hard enough, it�ll go away.�
Ryder looked like he wanted to say more, but Josh shushed him, � Don�t say anything to Faye, okay? I don�t want her to worry over something that�s potentially nothing. I feel crazy once in a while, it�s no big.�
Ryder didn�t look comforted, but Josh smiled at him, � Seriously, I don�t think it�s anything to worry about. Yet, anyway.�
Part 4
The gas station
� I just feel like I don�t count.� Scout sighed, leaning back in the Banks� couch. � I mean, if Ryder�s not here and Josh�s not here, then we have this great relationship, you know? But as soon as either of them turns up, my time with her gets cut in half. And when both are here��
� You don�t get to see her at all.� Bella finished sympathetically. � Believe me, I know how it feels to get sidelined.�
� Yeah, I forgot,� he turned quiet, remembering the time when Will had taken too much on, and left Bella as the last thing on his list of priorities. He didn�t want that to happen to himself, but also felt that he was powerless to stop it.
� It�s just�� Bella mused, � the three of them are such a tight unit, you know? It�s so hard to�� she made a slicing motion with her hands, �� get in there.�
� I�d say it�s impossible,� he answered gloomily, � but then I�ll wonder why I�m still trying. Faye is nice about it, and apologetic, I mean, she knows she spends all her time with them� but she doesn�t change. She doesn�t want to change.�
� That�s sort of like Will and his projects.� she analogised, � Every time he screws up, he�s totally sorry and promises he�ll change for the better, but he never does.�
� Exactly!� He exclaimed, sitting up.
� Well, I don�t know, but I don�t think it matters any more,� she murmured, � you know, with Will.�
He glanced sideways at her, � What do you mean?�
She shrugged, � I�m starting to think that I don�t even care what he does anymore, you know? It�s like� he could go and do what he likes. It doesn�t affect me like it used to do.�
He didn�t know what to say. She chuckled, � That doesn�t sound like a healthy relationship, does it?�
� Not really,� he smiled uncertainly. � God, wasn�t it so much simpler when we were dating each other?�
She laughed, brushing her hair out of her eyes, � Yeah��
� I mean, apart from the brother-sister thing.� He grimaced, � man, did that screw us up or what?�
� Repeatedly,� she grinned.
He couldn�t help smiling back. The sun caught her hair, spinning it into pure gold, and without thinking he reached out and grasped a lock between his thumb and index finger. � You have beautiful hair,� he commented, feeling its silky texture between his fingers.
She looked at him, startled.
His gaze snapped up, and he drew back hastily, letting the strands slip from his hand. � You better go get ready for the Cotillion,� he said in a hurry, standing up and almost knocking the coffee table over, � I should head back.�
� All right,� she also stood up, toying uncertainly with her hands. � I�ll, um, see you later.�
� Yeah,� he muttered, walking out the door faster than she could wave goodbye.
She stood still, a hand flying to her cheek, as if to make sure that the warmness there was really a creeping blush.
* * *
Finn�s room
The wardrobe door swung inwards to reveal Will in the dressing mirror, clad in traditional Cotillion white. � I�m glad the outfit still fits,� he grinned, looking at Finn in the mirror.
The older man laughed, � Me too. If you hit another growth spurt you�ll have to resort to someone else for all your formal dance requirements.�
� I think you�re stuck with me.� Will chuckled, readjusting his tie and pausing when he saw the pensive smile on Finn�s face.
� It�s strange, isn�t it?� Finn asked, � It�s been over a year already.�
� Yeah.� Will answered quietly, staring at himself in the mirror.
The person who stared back, how much of that was the Will of a year ago? How much of that was the Will who lived in New Rawley and had his lifelong friends and baseball teams and blueberry-eating competitions and big aspirations and�
He blinked to clear his vision, and could have sworn that the person who gazed back at him, the person in the mirror, was someone he did not know.
� Will?� Finn�s voice sounded far away. � Will.�
� Yeah?� Will answered with a jolt, � Yes?�
� I think it�s time you picked Bella up.� Finn reminded him.
Will blinked again, and checked his watch. � Yeah,� he made for the door, � I better go pick her up on my flashy bicycle.�
Finn laughed, � Have fun tonight.�
The boy paused before answering. � I will,� he called back, his voice fading as he disappeared down the hall, � thanks again, Finn.�
* * *
Scout and Hamilton�s room
� No, I won�t,� Jake emphasised, facing the wall. She was already dressed in her Cotillion gear, the same old white dinner jacket, black bow tie, white trousers� and most importantly, no dress. � I won�t laugh.� She said again, already fighting a smile.
� You absolutely, solemnly swear?� came Hamilton�s muffled voice from the closet.
She grinned, � I absolutely, solemnly swear.�
� All right,� he moaned reluctantly, � I�m coming out.�
She turned, and immediately clamped a hand to her mouth, trying to control the flood of laughter that threatened to break loose. Hamilton stood glaring at her, clad in his mother�s long white dress.
Mercifully he was spared the taffeta, but the sleek, sophisticated look didn�t do much for him, either. � Don�t you dare laugh,� he growled.
� I�m not,� Jake choked out, her eyes watering, and didn�t say anything more for fear of exploding.
Hamilton looked down at his outfit, � I can�t wear this.�
� Oh come on, everyone is expecting you to.� she walked toward him, trying to hold her mirth at a mere grin, � Plus, it doesn�t look that bad.�
� Please,� he stared at her, � I look like a gorilla trying to pass myself off as Audrey Hepburn. NO LAUGHING!� He exclaimed as her eyes started watering again at his - unfortunately accurate - analogy.
� No, it�s fine,� she managed to croak, doubled over and still trying not to laugh out loud, � Let�s just go.�
� I�m going to die,� he said dolefully as she practically dragged him out the door, � I�m going to die of mortification, I know it��
* * *
Rawley Academy, main hall
� I just�� Scout exclaimed as he and Faye walked up the steps to the hall, � I don�t see why you can�t do the conforming thing, just for once in your life!�
He stared at Faye. She looked gorgeous; her dress was gorgeous. It was long, it was filmy, and it was black.
� It�s not a big deal,� she fought the urge to roll her eyes.
� Nothing is a big deal with you,� he muttered angrily, stopping at the top of the stairs. The sound of music drifted from the open doors, and they could see that students were beginning to mill around the hall, a complete sea of white.
� It�s always fun with you, isn�t it?� he accused, trying to keep the bitterness in his voice at bay. � Always trying to shock people, trying to prove you�re different to them� What do you have to prove, Faye?�
� I�m not proving anything.� She set her jaw, � I just don�t see what the fuss is! I thought you liked seeing me different.�
� I do!� he protested, � but do you have to do it all the freaking time? Can�t you just be�� he waved his hands in the air, stuck for words, � NORMAL, for once?�
� Hey guys!� A voice interrupted his furious tirade, and they turned to see Josh flouncing up the stairs, Malcolm firmly in tow. Scout�s jaw dropped, and he asked Josh accusatorily, � Why the hell are you wearing that?�
� Why not?� Josh answered cheerfully, smoothing down his short white dress. Under it he wore opaque black tights and black lace-up boots, looking simultaneously lovely and ludicrous.
Scout shook his head in mute disbelief, and Josh laughed, not the least bit concerned, � Come on, let�s go inside.�
* * *
� I feel like a goldfish in a glass bowl.� Hamilton groaned, surreptitiously glancing around. Everyone kept sneaking looks at him, and he was self-conscious enough to notice each and every one. Shuffling sideways so that he stood partially concealed behind Jake, he groaned again, � This totally bites.�
She grinned, � You�ll get used to it. That�s the way I felt when I wore a dress to the Halloween Ball.�
� Yeah, but no one knew who you were,� he pointed out.
� Hamilton,� she explained patiently, � you�re here in a dress cos you were supposed to make a point about gay pride.�
� No,� he corrected her, � I�m here in a dress because Josh tricked me into wearing a dress.�
She chuckled, � true.�
� Dude,� Will�s voice, thick with barely constrained laughter, came from behind them, � are you aware that you are wearing a dress?�
Jake laughed, and Hamilton turned with a scowl, � Thanks for the update.�
� You�re welcome,� the other boy was good at dodging sarcasm. He held hands with Bella, who looked luminous as always. She wore the fairy-tale dress that she wore to the last Cotillion, slightly altered so that the skirt flared out a little more and the bodice became strapless.
� You look great, Bella!� Jake enthused, � I love your dress.�
� You look great too,� Bella returned the compliment with a cheeky smile, � very� manly.�
Jake laughed out loud, � Just the look I was striving for.�
� And what about you, Ham?� Will couldn�t resist a sly dig, � what look were you striving for, exactly?�
� Watch it, Krudski,� Hamilton growled menacingly, � trust me, you don�t want to piss me off tonight.�
� I bet I could outrun you in that dress though,� Will wasn�t through with the teasing yet.
Hamilton shot a death glare at him and turned back to Jake, red-faced, � Can we please go hang out with Josh? I think I�ll feel better if we see some more guys in dresses.�
* * *
� Why are these guys wearing dresses?� Ryder�s date asked, clinging to his arm. In true Ryder fashion he had gone out the day before and grabbed the first pretty Townie that he saw. She seemed happy enough to be here, at any rate.
� I have no idea,� Ryder replied truthfully. Catching sight of Hamilton, he snorted, mind already hard at work churning out a multitude of insults. � Hang on a sec,� he told his date to stay put, and started making his way towards Jake and Hamilton, the taste of his cutting remarks already sweet on his tongue.
A hand closed around his collar and jerked him back. � Hey!� he exclaimed angrily, turning around, � get your hands��
It was his sister, who didn�t let him finish. � No,� she said emphatically. � No insulting Hamilton tonight.�
� Why not?� he demanded.
� He�s mortified enough as it is, if you start making wisecracks he�ll probably rip you apart with his bare hands.� Faye said, � And I�m not exaggerating. Good enough reason?�
� I�ll take that chance.� Ryder wasn�t to be deterred, � Just look at him, Faye, have you ever seen an easier target?�
� No,� she admitted with a smile, � but for god�s sake don�t do it, please? This is Josh�s idea��
� Josh came up with this?� he demanded, � please don�t tell me he�s here in a dress as well�� No sooner had the words left his lips did he see Malcolm and Josh weave through the crowd. Unlike Hamilton, who was all embarrassment and self-conscious shuffling, Josh assumed the air of purest nonchalance, looking as though he wore dresses all his life.
Faye watched Ryder�s expression with a smile. He looked first dumbfounded, then curious, and he finally cracked a small grin. � Is this to do with REACH again?� he asked.
� You catch on fast.� She answered wryly, wondering why on earth he even felt the need to ask. � I think it�s Rawley�s equivalent of Pride Week. Except not a week,� she tried to correct herself, � Pride� night.�
He laughed, � Trust Joshua to come up with something like this.�
� Did you expect anything less?� She grinned back. His reaction was exactly how she had anticipated - he always allowed that little bit more tolerance for whatever Josh did, no matter how much he tried to hide it. But his next words caught her off guard.
� He looks� pretty,� Ryder said slowly, sounding surprised at himself for uttering those words.
She glanced at him sharply, and he cleared his throat as though to divert her attention, � I mean, compared to Hamilton, who looks absolutely�� he smirked, back to his usual self, � bloody ridiculous.�
Part 5
The Cotillion was a tiring affair. All the mingling and socialising was somewhat interesting when you were new, but to the older students it fast became nothing more than a chore. Though, one had to keep it up; it was a Cotillion after all. It didn�t help either when your date disappears on you, as Scout was finding out presently.
He walked through the sea of white, trying to pinpoint Faye�s black dress. She had told him that she needed to speak briefly to Ryder, and then promptly disappeared. He had thought at first that she would surely be found, as always, by Josh�s side, but Josh was rather preoccupied with his own date, and declared that he saw no sign of her.
He was heading out the French doors, wondering if she had gone out for a breath of fresh air, when he bumped into Bella. She was standing on the terrace, looking up at the cloudless night sky. It was another perfect summer night, the tepid air pleasant against her bare shoulders.
� Hey,� Scout was surprised to see her here, � Where�s Will?�
She shrugged, � Got caught up talking to some kids about his Summer Book.� Glancing at him, she asked, � Where are you going?�
� Looking for Faye,� he spread his hands, � she uh, disappeared on me.�
She gave him a wry grin, � Looks like our dates are living up to our complaints.�
� What?� he didn�t quite get it.
� You know,� she shrugged again, � that they are always not around.�
He laughed quietly, � Yeah, I guess that�s true.� Looking at her, he added, � I just hope Faye turns up sooner or later. I have no idea where she�s gone.�
She nodded, leaning back against the doorframe. He watched her, sighed, and did the same.
* * *
Hamilton wasn�t comfortable in his dress. Sure, hanging out with Josh and Thomas (who, despite all his mouthy protests, lost out against his partner in the end and ended up wearing the dress, to his acute dismay) made things a little better, at least now he couldn�t tell which amused leer or curious glance was directed at him specifically, but it still didn�t make the night any shorter. Just as well he had Jake as a human shield, whom he spent most of the night hiding behind.
A lull in the music, and it changed into Mono�s �A Life in Mono�, a gorgeous ballad drifting on sparkling harpsichord and ethereal vocals. Hamilton watched as couples gradually broke free of the stirring crowd and moved toward the dance floor, and turned back to Jake. She was watching him with a hopeful smile.
He looked down at his dress and chuckled self-depreciatingly. Believe it or not, he was starting to get the humour in it all. Turning his gaze back to Jake, he extended his hand with a smile, � Might as well dance?�
She grinned, � Might as well.�
--�The stranger sang a theme / from someone else�s dream / The leaves began to fall / and no one spoke at all��
* * *
--�But I can�t seem to recall / when you came along, ing�nue��
� What are you doing?� Malcolm laughed as Josh dragged him outside. The lawns were dark save for the light of the crescent moon overhead, which spilled its faint light onto the grounds, dusting the treetops with shimmering silver. Josh was a blurry shape, tugged insistently on his hand, leading him away from the milling people in the hall. He chuckled again, and let himself be led along.
--�Ing�nue, I just don�t know what to do��
Josh stopped some distance away from the building, catching his breath. Under what weak light there was, his eyes shone like dark emeralds. � I just want some time alone with you, that�s all,� he said sweetly.
Malcolm grinned as he wrapped his arms around Josh�s waist, � We�re alone now.�
� I know.� Josh replied, standing up on his tiptoes so that he could kiss Malcolm softly.
--�The tree-lined avenue / begins to fade from view / Travelling past regrets / in tea and cigarettes��
Not far away, Ryder stood beneath the building�s dark shadow, and exhaled a lungful of smoke.
He had come out here for a cigarette, not expecting anyone to be out here, and certainly not expecting this.
The white-blue haze of smoke in front of his face thinned, made Josh and Malcolm�s still forms paler and a little bit more indistinct. But they were silhouetted brightly against the night, and he could not help but watch them, although his mind asked him to turn away.
--�But I can�t seem to forget / when you came along, ing�nue��
Malcolm kissed Josh back with a strange tenderness that seemed to verge on disbelief. Caught up in the manic pace of all the crazy band stuff that started happening since the end of last semester, he simply let himself be carried along on the ride, not stopping to think about where things were heading or where they might end up.
He never got a chance to ponder what had become of the relationship between Josh and himself. Now he had that chance, and the realisation leapt out at him so suddenly that he felt like staggering.
The fragile form in his arms at this moment - Josh, with his beautiful smile, wistful eyes and incomprehensible mind, was possibly the most precious thing that he had ever held.
--�Ing�nue / I just don�t know what to do��
He trembled with this new understanding, and Josh broke from the kiss, gazing at him with concern. � Are you okay?� he asked, in that velvet-and-crystal voice that he alone possessed.
Malcolm nodded, blinking. � Yes,� he whispered, � I�m okay.�
Josh smiled at him, so heartbreakingly lovely that he appeared like an image woven from a dream. Malcolm smiled back, seeing his reflection in his lover�s eyes.
--�Ing�nue / I just don�t know what to do��
Ryder watched as Josh reached up and touched Malcolm�s cheek, calm tenderness seeming to seep from his very fingertips.
He knew he shouldn�t stare. God, he shouldn�t even be there, let alone watching. And there was a part of him demanding that he move, that threatened to smother him if he didn�t. He sensed that stifling feeling in his chest now, having to struggle just to breathe.
But he could not walk away. Any step, any movement at all, seemed beyond his capability.
--�Ing�nue / I just don�t know what to do��
Pain, sharp and hot and liberating, suddenly shot up from his fingers. He looked down to see that the cigarette had burned all the way down, beginning to sear his skin. He let it fall down to the lawn, and didn�t bother putting it out. Maybe there was even a part of him that wanted to see if anything would ignite from it, force this night to burn.
The cinders grew bright for a moment, glowing red against the shadow-lined blades of grass. But then they flickered uncertainly, and ash built up, collapsing in on itself. He watched silently as the vermilion light faded away.
--�Ing�nue / I just don�t know what to do�/ Ing�nue / I just don�t know what to do��
* * *
Faye and Paige�s room
Faye hobbled across the room, looking for her other stiletto while trying to do up the zipper on her dress. Despite the brave appearance she had put up in the face of Scout�s annoyance, she had felt bad for showing up unannounced in a black dress, and it was upsetting enough for her to actually run back and get changed.
Thankfully, she did own an old white formal dress that she kept at Rawley. Personally she thought it was a lot less prettier than her black one, which now lay discarded on her bed, but she had promised Scout that the Cotillion would be their quality time together, and she didn�t want anything as trivial as a dress to ruin the evening.
She found her other shoe and slipped it on, checking her reflection in the mirror before grabbing her evening bag and running out the door. � You better be grateful, Scout,� she muttered under her breath.
* * *
The Cotillion
� Nope, still no sign of her,� announced Scout, coming back onto the terrace with a glass of water for Bella. � I think I�m giving up.�
� Thanks,� she took the glass from his hands, � did you see Will?�
� Well, I saw him,� he admitted reluctantly, � but he was surrounded. Are they all working for the Summer Book?� he was surprised, � I didn�t realise so many people are involved.�
� Evidently they are,� she sighed, taking a drink. The light, coming from the hall, refracted through the glass in her hands and cast wisps of crystalline light across her eyes.
� It�s weird,� he commented, � you have different-coloured eyes.�
She laughed quietly, � you just noticed?�
� Well, I noticed before,� he grinned, � but thought I was just imagining it.�
� No,� she grinned back, � They are different colours. It freaks people out when they first realise.�
He shook his head, � It�s not freaky.�
� Yeah?� she glanced at him with a smile.
He nodded seriously, � It�s special.�
She watched him. His blue eyes were earnest, and looked as though they could betray everything that he felt. A year ago she�d first fallen for him because of those eyes; how he didn�t have to say a thing, yet the onlooker would be able to find everything they needed from him in a single gaze.
She thought that she might be blushing, and looked away hastily, � thank you.�
* * *
� What are we doing in here?� Jake asked, following Hamilton into the bathroom. It was empty, and he ran around checking over the tops of all the stalls before turning back to her. She leaned back against the sink, smiling as he walked up.
� One year, Jake,� he took her hand, � it�s our one-year anniversary.�
� And you choose to celebrate it in the boys� bathroom.� She laughed. � Anyway it�s only one year if you don�t count the start of last semester. Technically, we broke up for a couple of months.�
� Minor details,� he murmured as his lips found hers.
* * *
� Look, Will,� said Anita Simons, one of Will�s many reporters for the Summer Book, � I�ve got piles and piles of footage of all the teacher interviews and you�ve only given me two pages. That�s not going to be enough.�
� Anita,� Will sighed patiently, � Two pages is the most I could give you. Plus, I never asked you to get �piles and piles of footage�, I only asked you to go around and get a couple of quotes from a few teachers, not full-length interviews with each and every staff member.�
� Right, so now I�m getting punished for showing initiative?� Anita pouted. Will sighed, � Look��
� Krudski, you still hadn�t answered my question,� Chris Hansen interrupted, � How much is the crew team going to be featured?�
� That really depends on who wins the Regatta�� Will started to say, but Chris� date tugged on his arm, looking displeased, and he turned back apologetically, � Sorry, later, okay?�
� Will�� Anita whined, � It�s not enough��
� Wait,� Will said suddenly, � wait. Where�s my date?�
The realisation came as something of a shock. He looked around, Bella was nowhere in sight, and he had no idea how much time had elapsed since he last checked.
� Oh my god, I�ve really done it this time,� he groaned out loud, starting to push through the people crowding around him, � Excuse me, I�ve got to go, excuse me��
* * *
It was getting late, and the night air had turned cool. Scout noticed that Bella was shivering and asked, � do you want to go back inside?�
She glanced back towards the crowded hall, remembered the all-too familiar sight of a frantic Will surrounded by throngs of people, and shook her head, � I don�t think so.�
� Here,� he shrugged out of his dinner jacket and draped it around her shoulders. She took it gratefully, � thanks.�
� You�re welcome.� He stood there, a little awkward, jamming his hands into his pockets.
There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, yet neither of them felt compelled to break it. She stared up at the stars, exhaling softly.
He watched her, a dazed look settling into his eyes. � You look� beautiful.�
She didn�t take her eyes off the sky, but her voice carried a hint of wistfulness. � Don�t, Scout.�
His gaze snapped up, and he swallowed, � you�re right, I�m sorry, that was out of line.�
� No,� she glanced at him quickly, � no, it�s okay. I just� um��
� What?� he asked in a low voice.
She shifted uneasily and did not look at him. � Why are you being so nice to me?�
� Well, somebody has to,� he said quietly, his gaze locked onto hers, � I can�t stand to see Will do this to you.�
She blinked, and turned away, � God, Scout, please don�t do this.�
He took one step back, as though he was afraid of what he might do, contrary to his will and indeed where his heart lay, � I�m sorry, this is�� he cleared his throat, � Maybe I better��
He never got to say what he thought he�d better do because at that moment she closed the distance between them, her gown skirted around their ankles in a rustling swirl, and she kissed him.
The night grew cold, but her lips were warm. And after a moment of stunned stillness, he found himself kissing her back.
It was just too familiar. A sensation half-remembered but wholly felt, like a moment stolen from some forgotten fantasy. Emotions came flooding back from the sun-drenched summer only a year ago, all the tribulations and heartache recollected in one kiss. He moved in to hold her in his arms, and she shifted under his touch, his jacket slipping from her shoulders and falling soundlessly to the ground.
There was something desperate in both of them, the need to summon what was lost and what cannot be gathered again. Her lips moved over his, hungrily, trying to find in herself the passion that she had somehow lost among these bland, empty days.
And just as soon as it happened they broke apart. � Oh god,� he murmured, trying to stop himself from staggering backwards, � oh god, we shouldn�t have done that.�
Bella pressed a trembling hand to her cheek, her fingers freezing cold against the burning skin. � I�m sorry,� she whispered, � I don�t know� I don�t know what came over me.�
He stared at her, aghast. She stared back, equally horrified.
Something changed in the air, like an unseen void had suddenly opened up beneath their feet. It was a feeling of weightlessness, of sheer terror as they realised, at the same time, that someone was watching them.
They didn�t know how they knew this upon intuition, but they did sense it at the same time. That person was not only watching but mutely waiting, for what they did not know.
They were too afraid to discover who it was; maybe they were only trying to prolong the inevitable.
It was Scout who turned first, the colour draining from his face as he saw the girl standing at the foot of the terrace.
Under the pale moonlight, Faye�s hair was tinted a soft silver, and her eyes were made deep purple by the shadows that lay about her, like a dark, velvet embrace. The wind brushed by the hem of her skirt, sending the white silk rippling, like water.
She stood there, motionless, as though she was a porcelain figurine.
Part 6
*Tom McRae�s �Second Law� plays*
Inside, the Cotillion was in full swing. The sound of laughter spilled out onto the terrace, where Scout, Bella and Faye stood. They could barely hear the laughter over the sound of shocks and aftershocks ebbing through their blood, and the world seemed to crystallise around them, making everything sharper and clearer than it had ever been.
� I know,� Faye�s voice sounded distant, as though she was speaking over a sub-quality telephone line. � I know in movies when this sort of thing happens, I�m supposed to be the one who runs away. I should turn around, burst into tears, and just� run.�
Scout and Bella stared at her, speechless.
--�Tell all my friends I have gone to the moon / Tell all my friends I will write them soon / And tell them, if you see them / that I am better left alone��
� But I�m not going to run,� she continued, looking at Scout and Bella each in turn. They shrank away, unable to hold her gaze.
She spoke clearly and slowly, as though she only had enough strength to speak one word before she could even think about uttering the next. � I see no reason in running.� Her fingers clutched at the folds of her dress, slipping on the satiny material.
� So, I�m just going to�� she fell silent, and looked down.
� Faye,� Scout began, reaching out toward her, but he did not know what else to say. Beside him, Bella closed her eyes, as though she could make everything disappear if she tried hard enough.
Faye looked up at him. � Scout,� she said. Her violet gaze appeared strangely calm. � Let�s go for a drive.�
He blinked. � What?�
She nodded, � I�m serious. Just� let�s go for a drive.�
The sound of her voice hung in the air and she turned around, blonde hair falling forward and obscuring most of her face. Only the tip of her nose and the gentle sweep of her lashes could be seen from where Scout and Bella stood on the veranda, a small, meaningless snapshot of surreal tranquillity.
Scout glanced back at Bella, only briefly. Not bothering to pick up his jacket where it fell, he stepped down and joined Faye at the foot of the terrace.
She shied away from him, just a little, and began walking. He followed.
Bella watched, unable yet to comprehend, as their silhouettes disappeared around the grove of trees that shielded the student parking lot from view. The sensation of Scout�s lips upon hers still lingered, but she was already starting to doubt the reality of this night. The cool air shifted, and she shivered again.
--�Cos I'm living up here where the air is thin / and where gravity don't bring you down / Yeah I'm living up here / and I'm watching your universe cooling down��
� Bella, hey!� Will half walked, half ran out onto the terrace, � I�m so sorry, I�m so sorry,� he was bubbling over with apologies, which she barely heard. � I can�t believe I did this to you, I�m so sorry, how long have you been standing here? You look cold, here��
He stopped midway through the motion of taking off his dinner jacket, catching sight of Scout�s discarded one on the floor. Bella was trembling uncontrollably now, arms wrapped around her body as though to shield herself from everything that she did not dare to face.
� What happened, Bella?� He asked, his throat suddenly dry.
She looked up at him, a single tear spilling onto her cheek.
� I�m sorry, Will,� she murmured, � I�m sorry��
� What happened?� He asked again, his hold tightening on the jacket, still held out as though it was an offering.
--�I spend my days beneath a Perspex dome / I think that I have finally come home / So tell them, if you see them / that I am better left alone��
� Scout and I,� she turned away, her voice a mere whisper, � we� and Faye, she� saw us�� she turned back sharply, hastily wiping the tears away, � I�m sorry, I�m so sorry.�
He stared at her for a moment longer, his gaze slowly shifting toward the lake in the distance. � Oh,� he said.
� Will�� she reached out to him, and he took a step back, vacantly.
� Not now, Bella,� he said, his eyes not quite focused on her. � Not now,� he said again, turned, and walked back inside.
� Will!� She called, almost desperately. But he did not turn around, and let himself be swallowed up by the crowd.
She turned back, covered her face with both hands, and let the tears fall.
--�Cos I'm living up here where the air is thin / and where gravity don't bring you down / Yeah I'm living up here / and I'm watching your universe cooling down��
* * *
� Are you cold?� Malcolm asked Josh, silently berating himself for not noticing earlier. Josh was shivering despite being encircled in his arms.
Malcolm had left his dinner jacket inside. � Wait here,� he said, � I�ll go get my jacket for you.�
� Thanks,� Josh smiled gratefully, watching Malcolm quickly walk back into the main hall, disappearing amongst all the people. He exhaled, rubbing his hands over his bare arms.
He could not help a grin; it just crept over his face like something entirely automatic. It had been such a long time since he felt like this. Safe. Content. Loved.
Malcolm made him feel secure, a sensation that was only too fleeting in those years that he spent drifting here and there, seeking solace in the usual places that, in hindsight, left him more empty than when he had begun.
With Malcolm, he felt like he was cared for. That he was�
With a start he realised that someone was standing in the shadows. Beside the building where the lights did not touch, a person watched him, silent and still.
Strangely enough Josh was not scared. He wasn�t even alarmed. It was as though, in some part of him, he had known all along who it was - though how he managed to do it, he had no idea.
The air had grown colder but a fire suddenly sprang up in the pit of his stomach, and he felt a little sick from how abrupt this all was, the fact that he felt unexpectedly warm, the blaze inside him seeming to have travelled through his bloodstream and brought with it a dull ache that found residence in every part of him.
But it was the sort of pain that he only knew too well, and had long accepted into himself.
� Ryder?� he whispered. Then again, louder, � Ryder?�
The shadow within the shadows stirred, as if waking from a dream. Josh wanted to walk closer, but found that he could not move. He stared into the darkness, and he not only knew that it was Ryder hidden in its depths, but he also knew that Ryder was staring back at him just as intently, as he gazed into that blackness where he could not discern form from shadow.
It did not matter. In that moment he felt closer to Ryder than he had ever felt in all their years together. He would not have been surprised in that moment if the sky had peeled away or just plain caved in, spilling sunlight or an eternal starless night, and they were the only two left standing on the face of the earth. The world felt whole and shattered at the same time, held together by some flimsy, unseen force; and if he so much as moved a muscle, everything - Ryder, himself, the ground on which they stood - would simply splinter into a million tiny pieces right there.
It was a moment that warped any conception of time, which might have been a couple of seconds or many more after that - they did not know. In that moment they had each other and only each other, and this broken, twisted existence that they shared, it suddenly started to make some sort of sense.
Malcolm walked out onto the lawns, holding his jacket. In stepping forward he somehow broke the insubstantial spell that held Ryder and Josh together in that fragile, imperfect world, and sent them hurtling back toward earth. � Quick,� he said, failing to notice Ryder in the shadows, � put this on.�
Josh blinked, and nodded numbly, allowing Malcolm to gently wrap the jacket around his shoulders.
� You�re shivering,� Malcolm commented, taking Josh into his arms. From over his shoulder Josh caught sight of Ryder slipping away, a mere shadow blending into many more shadows. Then he was enfolded into Malcolm�s embrace and made warm again, safe again, even content...
But suddenly, he knew it wasn�t enough. It was never going to be enough.
* * *
*Bic Runga�s �Drive� plays*
The road seemed endless. It simply kept on unfolding, the streetlights casting pools of pale yellow along the winding stretch of grey. Exit ramps occasionally appeared on either side, but the car bypassed them and kept on going. The night wore on.
--�I know it's late now, I know I ought to go / Ride in your car now, but please don't drop me home / My head's so heavy, could this be all a dream? / Promise me maybe and say things you don't mean��
Faye drove. She didn�t bother putting the hood of the convertible up, and Scout watched from the passenger�s seat as the wind whipped her hair back, revealing a pale, withdrawn face that remained expressionless all this time.
They had driven in silence. He did not know where they were headed, or indeed where they were at all. Truth be spoken he was just a little afraid at first that she was going to do something rash, something stupid and maybe take both of them careening down some unknown embankment in some cheerless, albeit deserving moment of feeling betrayal; but she didn�t, and he didn�t think she was going to, either. It wasn�t much relief.
--�Rain fall from concrete coloured sky / No boy, don't speak now you just / drive, drive, drive� / Take me through make me feel alive, alive / When I ride with you��
She kept driving, for once keeping her speed in check. He apologised profusely at first, gradually trailing away into periodic requests for her to say something. But she was silent, and soon he was silent also.
--�Keep my heart turning on axles around you / Keep our love burning just like it used to do / Now just for us, they could play our favourite tune / Let's not discuss all these things we can't undo��
They drove. He wanted to know what would happen next. She didn�t seem to care. The night was long, and dark, and the silence rang out between them, echoes of regret laced with bewilderment and uncertainty. It lay wrapped around them, and after some time the hush almost seemed natural, as if they had bypassed the pain and the confusion that should have come with something like this, and drove straight into the eye of the storm.
So, when she did speak, he was surprised.
� Remember what it was like?� she asked quietly.
� Wh� what?� he stammered.
� The start of the summer,� she murmured, �we drove around, just like this.�
--�Let rain fall from concrete coloured sky / No boy, don't speak now you just / drive, drive, drive / Take me through make me fell alive, alive / When I ride with you��
He didn�t know what to say, or if he should reply at all. But then he remembered her question, and nodded, stumbling over the words, � um, yeah, I� I remember.�
She glanced at him, just quickly.
� Do you?�
He swallowed, � Please, Faye��
� Scout,� he could almost hear the strain in her voice, � let�s just drive, please?�
� But�� he tried to say something. Anything. Once the silence was broken he didn�t think it was possible to return to that state, dense and wordless and suffocating.
� Please,� she said again, � just� let me think things through.�
He fell silent, and she kept driving.
--�Rain fall from concrete coloured sky / No boy, don't speak now you just drive��
* * *
Jake�s room
Josh and Malcolm stopped by Jake�s room on their way out. It was still early, but Josh had a gig lined up that night and felt it best to get on their way.
Hamilton was there, unsurprisingly, and Josh took the opportunity to grill his friends on the importance of keeping REACH running. � I know Lance and Jesse were the motivators of the club and everything,� he said, toying with the black beret that he wore, � but we can�t just let it go now that they�ve left, so you guys have to keep it afloat until I get back, okay?�
� Does that mean you are going to be taking over?� asked Hamilton.
Josh glanced at Malcolm and shrugged, � I guess so. When fall semester starts and we come back.�
� We�ll miss you,� Jake smiled at him, � have fun back in Boston.�
� We will.� Grinned Malcolm, taking Josh�s hand.
Josh�s smile clouded over, but it was momentary, and too short for anyone to notice. � Yeah,� he agreed, his cheerful voice hiding a note of uncertainty that he harboured within, � we will.�
* * *
The gas station
Bella saw Will coming down the street a long time before he actually reached the gas station, the time during which she made no move to get up from her seat next to the gas pumps. Although, she kept her eyes on him, trying to guess what he was going to say and formulating her own response.
The events of the night before stood out with surprising clarity, enforcing something that she had known for a while already. It wasn�t so much to do with Scout than with Will - what they used to have, and what they lacked now.
He seemed to know what she was thinking, because he had been thinking about it himself. Walking beneath the overhanging roof of the gas station, he took a seat opposite her, resting his hands awkwardly on his knees.
� I�ve been thinking,� he said, dispensing with small talk.
She nodded, � Me too.�
He looked at her, blue eyes filled not with a sense of betrayal, as they really should have been, but simply calm acceptance. � I think,� he began, � we both know what�s been going on.�
� Yeah,� she agreed, her voice subdued.
� I don�t know when it started happening and when I actually realised this,� he continued, � but� last night, after you told me��
*Bic Runga�s �Hey� starts to play*
She looked away, and fought the urge to let her long hair fall forward and hide her face. He watched her uncomfortably and continued, � I felt like I should feel betrayed and angry and�� he shrugged, escaping whatever other emotion that he felt like he should have felt. � But I don�t.�
--�You were on the second floor / Hanging out the window watching the cars passing by / With that look in your eye / And I was hanging round below / Waving to you from the road, I was calling your name / You were miles away��
She glanced up at him, and the look in her eyes suggested that she understood what he meant. Though, she really shouldn�t have. When did everything they shared just go away? When did the feeling just fade?
Indifference was a terrible thing. However, it still settled over them like all the other emotions they had experienced over the past year, all the tumult and upheaval suddenly distilled into something so static and accepting that it was hard to grasp.
--�Hey, you've been wondering / What's it to you? / You've been questioning why, all day / It's such a silly thing / Still it threw you, caught you by surprise��
� I suppose,� Will said, � this is it?�
She bit her lip and looked down, her heart growing lighter and heavier at the same time. � I guess it is.�
� I still want to be friends,� he said, and couldn�t resist a wry chuckle at what he just said, � that�s not a line. I really do want us to go back to what we were, before��
She smiled too. Cheerless, but a smile nevertheless. � Yeah,� she said simply, � that would be nice.�
--�You're coming to me loud and clear / There's nothing really for us here / It's a terrible thing / hanging on by a string / There's nothing left for me to say, you've said it all already now / I won't add any more, I'll just slip out the door��
He spent a moment gazing at her, trying to work out if she meant it. He did want them to be friends again - the past year rushed through his mind like a blur of snapshots, the love that emerged and diminished like a flame from a single match - small and bright and beautiful in its own way, but all too fleeting.
Everything seemed too simple for it just to be over. He would have never imagined, not for a minute, that either of them would have let this romance slip to such an apathetic state. There was nothing painful in this, nothing even remotely worth hanging onto. And that was what he hated most� shouldn�t a break-up be harder than this?
Maybe he was just getting too poetically inclined for his own good. Somehow, he didn�t think so.
� No hard feelings?� he asked, more out of a sense that he should say something than the actual need to ask the question.
--�You and I, so sick and tired / of hanging around� / You and me, we both agree / it's all over now�/ All over now��
� No, Will,� she shook her head, smiling that strange smile yet again, � we could still be��
� Friends.� He finished for her, and this time both of them managed a dry chuckle. Uncertain of what the past had become and what the future would bring, they nevertheless seemed to find a foothold in the indeterminate state of things. And for the moment, that seemed enough.
--�Hey, you've been wondering / What's it to you? / You've been questioning why, all day / It's such a silly thing / Still it threw you, caught you by surprise��
*Bella�s voiceover starts*
�What do I say to make it better? These things just happen. We never mean to cause anybody pain, but it�s hard sometimes, to know what to do and when to stop.
Maybe we�re built to make it especially hard on ourselves. We do not only try to deal with our problems, we create new ones. Most of the time you don�t know what you want, and even when you do, chances are that you�ll manage to screw it up somehow. It�s human fallacy, as harsh as it may sound, I guess we�re all in a way cursed.
So, what�s the moral of this story and is there a point to it? I don�t really know� I guess I just want to say: try to figure out what it is that you really want, look after everything that you truly cherish, and don�t let it slip away on a stupid, human flaw.
Just be careful� careful of the way you live your life, careful of the way you affect others. The grand scheme of things is too complex for our comprehension, so you�ve got to be careful of where you stand.�
* * *
Scout and Hamilton�s room
It was a sleepless night for Scout. Last night he and Faye had gotten in late, and she had kept up her impermeable silence the whole time. That, coupled with guilt, had pretty much made him a wreck and he spent the night listening to Massive Attack records on his headphones and surfing the net, being jealous of Hamilton, who had slept like a log.
George watched him calmly from inside his terrarium, and Scout was so agitated he was beginning to think the tortoise held a certain amount of mockery in his beady little eyes. Faye did give George to him, after all; maybe the tortoise had a natural inclination to dislike Scout when Faye disliked him. In the early hours of the morning (when both sleep and sanity were clearly absent) Scout had actually devoted a fair amount of time attempting to outstare George, before he realised how utterly idiotic the practice was and gave up. Instead, he had taken to alternately sitting glumly on his bed and pacing up and down the room, not sure what to do with himself.
This morning Hamilton had bounded out of bed all refreshed and whatnot, and promptly went to hang out with Jake who, presumably, was just as perky. Scout did consider visiting Faye and seeing if her thinking had gotten anywhere overnight, but she had quite clearly stated that he should leave her alone until she�d done all aforementioned thinking, so he decided to stay put.
He had analysed everything that happened with Bella last night, and could find no explanation that would make sense. What possessed her to kiss him? And what the hell possessed him to kiss her back? He was in love with Faye and only Faye - he felt the certainty of that fact as clearly as he felt the ground beneath his feet.
And so, for that tryst with Bella he had no explanation, except that they had gotten caught up in the moment and the memories and unwisely let them take precedence over rationality. Or, in his case, the real emotions that he guess he had taken just a little for granted.
He was sorry, and wanted to say so, many times. He wanted to make things up to Faye, and tell her that it was only a mistake, a stupid careless slip of his defences� but she didn�t give him the chance. Through the long drive last night, he saw her pain had enclosed her as if behind an unbreakable wall, and he had no way of getting through.
He didn�t realise that he had gotten off the bed and started pacing again, but when a knock interrupted his muddled thoughts, he was surprised to find that he was standing right in front of the door. He reached over and pulled it open, hoping like hell that it was Faye, and that she was ready to talk.
It was, and she was. Dark circles ringed her eyes, giving clear indication that she too had a hard time sleeping. � Hey,� she acknowledged him quietly, hugging herself, � can I come in?�
He let her in without a word, closing the door behind him.
She walked forward a couple of steps, and stopped to face him. � I meant to come sooner,� she said, looking at the floor, � but Josh was leaving and um, I went to see him off first.�
He didn�t know how to reply, it sounded like an apology for something completely unrelated. � It�s� um, okay.� He said awkwardly, � I didn�t expect you to come so soon.�
She shrugged, spreading her hands as if to say �here I am�. � Um,� she said, staring down at her feet, � About last night.�
� Faye, before you make any sort of decision,� he jumped in hurriedly, � I just want to say, I�m so, so sorry. I never wanted it to happen and I don�t know how it happened. I�m not trying to make excuses but it was honestly a mistake and you know I love you and I don�t want this thing to ruin our relationship because the Bella thing already screwed me up once and everything was finally going right with you and I love being with you and I don�t want us to break up over this please give me another chance and I promise I�ll never do something like this again��
� Scout,� she interrupted. Just as well, since he was starting to feel dizzy from the lack of oxygen. � Scout,� she said again, � you don�t have to explain.�
� Yes, I do,� he said, � I�ve been thinking all this time too and I know I need to explain to you that you are who I want to be with, not Bella. You have to believe me.�
She looked down again. � I do,� she said softly.
� So you believe it was mistake?� he asked, hopeful.
Her nod was nearly indiscernible, but it was a nod all the same. � Like I said before,� she whispered, � everyone�s entitled to a few mistakes.�
� So�� he murmured, taking a tentative step toward her, � we could try and put this behind us?�
She nodded again, � I�m willing to try.�
The relief that washed over his features was immense, and it seemed almost worthwhile for her, watching his smile and knowing that she had evaded a lot of pain on both their behalves.
She let him hug her fiercely, his embrace so familiar and loving. She didn�t want to give all this up, and she knew he didn�t either. It was the right decision, she knew it, and knew that he knew too.
But as he hugged her, she could not keep a forlorn tear rolling down her cheek. She shut her eyes, demanding herself that she would not cry, despite the suffering that he had caused her, when she saw him standing there under the pale, pale moonlight with Bella in his arms.
He didn�t mean to. She clung to that fact as someone drowning might grab onto anything that came into their reach, and told herself that everything was going to be all right.
She wiped away the lone tear, discreetly, before he released her from his arms, before he could see her cry.
