Author's note: Season finale, finally. Seasons 2 and 3 give a combined total of 20 written episodes since February 2001, which is pretty amazing to me, that I have taken an obsession and ran with it practically non-stop for an entire year. I'm finally going off on my much-needed hiatus, there is no definite date for the release of season 4, although it would happen sooner or later, I hope. Feedback is always much appreciated and will probably hold a lot of sway over whether I continue with season 4 and beyond, so if you want to be nice and make my day, please write! :)
List of Acknowledgements: SO many people to thank for the past year and very little space to do it in, and I am very sorry if I left anyone out by mistake!
Okay, in no particular order:
Thank you to all those who link to my site. Everyone on the YA fanfic thread on FF for their support and lovely comments. My beta readers, past and present. The organisers of the two (to date) Silver Oar Awards. Debi, for being all of the above. Courtney and Nelle, the webmasters of archives who host the episodes (and that one embarrassing crossover, heh heh). Leah, for being the only real-life friend who bothers reading these episodes. :P � and well, Catherine, for taking an interest in 'little shuffly gay boy Malcolm'. Various Harry Potter fanfic writers, for always somehow managing to cure my writers' block. My email buddies who are always so supportive and helpful - especially Cordelia, Cherry and Peta. Anyone who has ever sent me feedback - thank you so much! Afua, Di and Lynn, for cheering me up in times of being extremely disheartened. Stella and Chris, because reading your feedback is always a special pleasure. Mae, for being such a wonderful, loyal reader (and of course the one who was brave enough to take on the beta-reading of 311!). And last but not least Lauren, for being the BEST webmaster, site designer and publicist a girl could wish for, not to mention a huge creative inspiration to us all.
Part 1
Teaser
Summer had come at last.
Not just that �hovering on the edges of seasons� sort of faded spring metamorphosing into summer but also not really there yet, no. It was, honest to goodness, summer.
The colour of the cerulean sky seemed almost liquid in its intensity, as though one might be able to reach out and wrap the delicious blue around their fingers. The air was warm and still, holding promises of vague, hot days to come. The sun hovered high above Rawley Lake, its bright rays glancing off the ripples.
Rawley Academy was wonderfully picturesque, placed in these settings. The grey stone buildings were surrounded by wide stretches of green lawns, light refracting through glass windowpanes in sparkling shafts.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy, Finn's classroom
The room was silent, except for the rapid scratching sound of pens scribbling across paper at high speed. Finn's sophomore English class were huddled over their desks, in the thick of their English Final. The teacher himself was perched on his desk, looking around with the mild expression of an idle observer.
At the back of the room, Caroline Busse's dark hair fell on either side of her face, hiding her concentrated expression from view. Chris Hansen was scratching the top of his head, looking nonplussed. Ryan Parker's tongue was poking out of the side of his mouth as he leaned closer to his essay, the tip of his nose almost touching the paper, as though that might help him think better. Lena Fletcher was mindlessly twisting a piece of flame-red hair around her finger, writing with her other hand.
Finn's attention shifted toward the centre of the classroom, his gaze skimming over a few more heads before coming to rest on Scout Calhoun, who was leaning his cheek on his palm and lazily scrawling away. Jake Pratt chewed on her lower lip, twirling her pen between her fingers as she looked over what she'd just written. Hamilton Fleming wrote something down, frowned, then scribbled it out again. Ryder Forrest had fallen asleep over his paper.
Finn shook his head and resisted the urge to roll his eyes: he didn't know why Ryder even bothered to show up for the exam. Continuing his scrutiny around the room, his eyes fell on Will Krudski.
The strawberry-blond boy was silently reading his last paragraph. Nodding with a slight grin, he added a definitive full stop at the end, and looked up, stretching.
Finn offered a small smile as their gazes made contact, and Will smiled back.
*Will's voiceover starts*
'Lately I've been wondering a lot about second chances. I wonder if everything would turn out for the better if those second chances had been offered to us. Like in movies where, if you�re not pleased with how the first take turned out, you�ll have the second take on the way.
If I could, a year ago I would walk into that scholarship exam room, knowing that I didn�t buy any paper off the internet, and that what I wrote down would be my best shot� and more importantly, that it would be enough.
I didn't get that scenario, of course. But I did end up getting my second chance. That's what I've come to notice - second chances aren't replays, they are merely another path offered to us to put the wrong things right. Who knows? Maybe we get second chances much more often than we realise - it�s just a matter of recognising them when they do show up, and cherishing this chance to make our lives better in some way.�
A bell rang in the hallway and Finn stood up, his gaze sweeping across the classroom. � Okay guys, this is the end of the exam. All pens down please.�
Will smiled confidently amidst the frustrated groans and occasional sighs of relief coming from his classmates, and turned his head to look out the window, catching the sunlight in his pale blue eyes.
It really was a beautiful day.
Part 2 - Theme song and opening credits
Rawley Boys� Academy
An excited crowd broke out of Finn's classroom and flooded into the hallway, eager to get away from the general notion of exams, seeing that the English Final was everyone's last one and they were now officially on summer vacation. Will and Scout let themselves be carried along with their classmates, their voices lost amidst all the chatter.
� So you think you�ll be able to keep the scholarship?� Scout asked loudly as the two started to head back to their dorm room, gradually making their way out of the thinning crowd.
� Without sounding like a totally arrogant jerk,� Will replied with a broad smile, � I completely kicked ass in these exams.�
Scout glanced at him, grinning.
� Seriously, I can feel it.� Will beamed, � I studied my ass off these past few weeks and I know that scholarship isn�t going anywhere.�
� Good to know, man.� Scout nodded, hitting him good-naturedly on the arm.
Will turned and asked, � You?�
� I�ll pass.� Scout shrugged, � Not a Krudski pass, but still a good pass by Calhoun standards. I�m not too worried.�
Will nodded, and the two walked up the stairs in silence. At the top of the landing, Scout turned and asked, � So you�re just going back home until Summer Session starts again?�
� Well, where else can I go?� Will replied, walking ahead of the other boy, � You know the school closes for these couple of weeks. Finn said he would take me in if he was staying around here, but he�s leaving on another trip�� He paused as he opened the door to their room, walked in and plopped himself down on his bed. Scout followed close behind, and settled down on his chair by the desk.
Will glanced around. Both their belongings were packed in cardboard boxes again, the empty room looking almost exactly like how it was when they first moved in.
His expression softened and he started to speak, but Scout beat him to it, with a wry curl of the lip as he glanced at his roommate. � If you�re gonna start on one of your sentimental rants, save it for Bella�s party tonight, okay? I don�t think I can handle going into nostalgia mode for an entire day.�
Will chuckled, � Point taken.�
* * *
Rawley Boys� Academy
� Completely slaughtered!� Malcolm Harding moaned as he and Josh Sutherland trudged out of their exam room. � Everything just flew straight out of my head as soon as I sat down.�
� It can�t have been that bad.� Josh consoled him, and grinned when Malcolm glanced at him warily. � Well, at least look at it this way, we�re free from now on.�
� An entire summer.� Malcolm sighed blissfully, eager to forget about all things exam-related. Darting a quick look at Josh, he asked, � So, you coming back for Summer Session?�
Josh shook his head, � I don�t get why you would go to school when you don�t have to.�
� So where are you staying?� Malcolm asked.
� With Alex.� Josh replied.
Malcolm turned quickly in his direction and raised an eyebrow. Josh found the reaction rather endearing and laughed, � He�s the drummer in our band. I�m going to crash on his couch for the summer.�
Malcolm smiled, and Josh continued, � We have a few gigs lined up over the summer and it just makes more sense for the band to be together again. Ben and Emily live in Boston too, so it would be easier for us to��
� You�re going to Boston?� Malcolm interrupted.
� Yeah.� Josh nodded, looking at him, � That�s where we�re based. Why?�
Malcolm looked down at his feet as they reached the end of the hallway, coming into the main foyer of the dorms. � Oh, just that I�m going to stay with my aunt, who also lives in Boston.�
Josh hid a smile as Malcolm shuffled and tried to appear nonchalant, failing miserably. � We should get together sometime then.� Josh said casually, watching the other boy�s reaction, � Maybe you could come to some of our gigs.�
Malcolm�s gaze drifted up hopefully, only to be met with Josh�s encouraging smile. He grinned shyly, � Yeah, that�d be cool.�
� Call me.� Josh tugged a piece of paper out of his backpack and scribbled a phone number on it. Watching Malcolm tuck the note into his pocket, he asked, � So� are you leaving now?�
Malcolm nodded, � Just going to pick up my stuff from my room, then I think my ride should be here. What about you?�
� I�m leaving tomorrow morning.� Josh replied, � Some friends are getting together tonight before everyone head their separate ways.� He paused, and smiled, � So��
� I guess this is goodbye for now.� Malcolm finished for him.
� Yeah.� Josh agreed. � I�ll, um, see ya when I see ya,� he grinned, stepping away.
� Bye� oh, wait,� Malcolm exclaimed, � Josh, I need to ask you something.�
Josh stopped walking, � Yeah?�
� Um,� Malcolm started, feeling rather foolish as he came closer, � Um� I hope I�m not intruding, but��
Josh gazed at him, a little bewildered, �But�?�
� Why were you kicked out of Andover?� Malcolm asked in a rush, then said just as quickly to try and justify his out-of-the-blue question, � It�s just, I�ve been hearing some weird things from Anita Simons and you know how much of a gossip she is and I thought you�re usually pretty honest with me and I know whatever it is, it�s being hushed up over at Andover��
� Malcolm, Malcolm,� Josh laughed, holding up a hand, � It�s okay, it�s not that big a secret.�
Malcolm blinked, � It�s not?�
Josh reddened slightly, � Well, not really� sort of� it�s just lame.�
� Lame?� Malcolm repeated.
Josh sighed, � And very embarrassing. Believe me, they�re not covering it up for my sake.�
Malcolm raised his eyebrows expectantly and Josh blushed, lowering his voice, � They kicked me out because, uh�� he chuckled with embarrassment, � Are you sure you want to know?�
� Are you kidding? After you guys have been stringing me along for months?� Malcolm replied, impatient, � Come on, it can�t be that bad� Right?�
� Okay.� Josh sighed resignedly and ducked his head, his voice lowering to an unintelligible mumble, � thdeancaumrghbedwrhrgsson.�
� What?� Malcolm demanded, � Josh, I can�t hear you.�
Josh raised his eyes and grinned, � That was sort of the point.�
Malcolm shook his head with a smile and folded his arms, his expression making it clear that he wasn't going anywhere until he found out what actually happened, � Come on, Sutherland, spit it out.�
� Fine, fine, if you must know.� Josh sighed, � The Dean caught me in bed with his son.�
Malcolm�s eyes widened and he exclaimed loudly, � You slept with the Dean�s son?�
A couple of passer-by�s head swivelled in their direction, and he clamped a hand over his mouth in alarm. � Oops,� he said sheepishly, � that was kinda loud, wasn�t� it?�
Josh pressed both hands to his burning cheeks, looking around furtively, �Let�s just say when I said it�s not a secret I didn�t mean for you to stop the press and announce it as public news either.�
� Sorry, sorry.� Malcolm stammered from behind his hand, which was still covering his mouth, � I was just surprised��
� I don�t blame you.� Josh looked down, still blushing. � Anyway it�s not that big a deal, but they sort of freaked out over it� um, the Dean�s son was kinda old.�
� How old?� Malcolm eyed him suspiciously.
� Not old old.� Josh tried to defend himself. � Just� well, enough to make me jailbait, I guess.� His voice was trailing into an embarrassed whisper.
Malcolm could help laughing, � And that�s why you got kicked out.�
� Basically.� Josh shrugged, � I didn�t get kicked out, per se, we just decided it was probably the best thing to do, under the circumstances.�
� Well, Josh, um,� Malcolm shook his head, amused and a little startled, � I have to say, that wasn�t exactly what I expected��
� Are you trying to tactfully say that I�m a little slut?� Josh laughed, not at all offended, � Yeah, that�s just how I am sometimes. You�ll have to take the good along with the bad.� Tilting his head, he gazed at Malcolm as if challenging him to something, � You up for it?�
� Of course.� Malcolm answered softly, and to Josh�s surprise, leaned in quickly and kissed him on the cheek. � I�ll see you in Boston.� Malcolm said, stepping away from Josh with a wave and a smile, heading up the stairs.
* * *
Jake�s room
Hamilton rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. Life had been exhausting lately, with firstly the production and then Finals. He sat down on Jake�s bed, looking around.
He had shared this room with her for the better part of the school year, and was slightly disconcerted to see it reverted back to a single room again, not to mention that she had started to pack her belongings, returning the room to its original pristine state. It was virtually devoid of signs of human inhabitation.
Jake was sitting at her desk, typing away on her laptop. He had only just finished his scrutiny of the room before she turned to him. � Just sent an email to my mom.� She explained.
He looked up, � So you�ve made up your mind for the summer?�
She nodded curtly, � I told you before. She, uh, wants me to go stay with her again while she�s doing a play, for a couple of weeks at least.�
� God, d�j� vu.� He moaned, � Is she in London again? My advice? Avoid her ex-boyfriend.�
� That�s not funny.� She frowned at him.
He sighed, � Who�s laughing?�
She gazed at him for a moment before speaking again, � She�s in Paris. And she wants me to join her� we haven�t seen each other since Winter Break.�
He tried to smile, encouragingly, � Go. Have a good time. I�ll try not to miss you too much.�
She watched him and suddenly broke into a grin, � Who said I was going?�
� You mean�� his eyes widened, � you�re not?�
She shook her head, � You know what? I think I�ll probably be happier if I stay here� and hang out with you.� Smiling, she asked, � Is that going to be all right?�
� All right?� He demanded with a broad grin, � Of course it�s all right! Wow, I can�t believe it! I know you were still thinking over your mom�s invitation but I didn�t actually expect you to turn it down, wow! I was trying to psych myself up to see you gone for a few weeks�� he stopped rambling, and asked tentatively, � You�re not doing this just for my sake, are you?�
� No.� She smiled truthfully, � You�re a big part of it, Hamilton, I won�t deny that. But I�m not doing this for your sake.�
Lowering her head, she admitted, � Honestly? I just don�t think I�m up to travelling.� She glanced up again, over his shoulder and her gaze scanned the outside view from the window. � It�s nice here.� She mused, � Familiar. I like that.�
He nodded quietly, � I know the feeling. Rawley is��
� Home.� They finished in unison, watching each other with a smile.
� But that reminds me.� He said, � Where are you going to stay for these two weeks? The school�s going to be closed, you know.�
She looked back at him, running a hand through her hair, � Well�� she trailed off, � I didn�t actually make plans� I know you have a spare room in your house��
His eyes lit up, but he waited for her to finish nonetheless.
�� I feel kind of weird asking, inviting myself and everything.� she continued, knowing full well his reaction and answer. � But are your parents going to mind a house guest for a couple of weeks?�
* * *
Bella�s Gas Station
Bella Banks slid out from under her truck that she was doing a routine check-up for, only to be met with the upside-down sight of Will walking down the street toward her, arms laden with his belongings packed into cardboard cartons.
� Oh, d�j� vu.� She teased lightly, pulling herself into a sitting position and acknowledging him with a smile. � Hi, Will.�
� Hey.� He replied awkwardly, setting the boxes down at his feet.
� So� how did Finals go?� She asked, shielding her eyes with a hand as she peeked up at him. Unexpectedly, her heart took an arrhythmic little skip, watching his tall figure stand silhouetted against the sun.
� Pretty good.� He nodded, � Enough for me to keep the scholarship, at any rate.�
She smiled, � You sound sure of yourself.�
� I am.� He replied, looking a lot more confident that she had anticipated. � I think that�s the most important lesson I�ve learned all year, that I just have to trust myself sometimes.�
� It�s good advice to follow.� She replied lightly, getting to her feet and gesturing to the cartons, � So� why the boxes then?�
He smiled and held out his hands, looking helpless, � Well, scholarship or not, the school is still being closed for a couple of weeks, you know, for maintenance and stuff. So�� he waved in the vague direction of his house. � I guess I�ll just have to go home and get used to tiptoeing around my dad again.� Looking pained, he started to pick the boxes up, � I�m glad it�s only for a couple of weeks, maybe we won't get around to actual bloodshed.� Staggering off, he nodded at her, �I�ll see you later, Bella.�
� Wait!� The words escaped before she could think them over, � Will, why don�t you just stay at the gas station?�
He turned, � Are you serious?�
She had no time to react to the hopeful expression on his face, and resisted the urge to shuffle uncomfortably on the spot, � Well, yeah, sure.� She stammered, � I mean, if you don�t mind sleeping on the couch, you�re always welcome here, you know that��
� Bella, I can�t tell you what a relief that offer is. I hate going home, you know that. But�� he gazed at her inquisitively, � Are you sure it�s going to be all right? With, you know,� he looked down, � you and me and everything��
� Don�t worry about it.� She said with more conviction than she felt, � Will, we may be on a break, but we�re still friends, okay? I offered you the same thing back at the end of Summer Session last year and I don�t see how anything is different now.�
� Well�� he hesitated, � if you�re sure��
� I�m sure.� She nodded resolutely.
He grinned, setting the boxes down once more.
* * *
Faye�s room
Josh knocked softly on the door and Faye Archer�s voice called from within, � Come in!�
He pushed the door open, and it swung inwards to reveal Faye standing unsteadily on her bed, taking down a couple of her posters by the headboard. � Hi!� She called as she turned and saw him, � How did your last exam go?�
He didn�t answer straight away, as he looked around and registered that they were not alone. Faye�s roommate, Leah Rickard, was packing up her side of the room; while Ryder was lounging on Faye�s blow-up armchair, playing absently with his silver cigarette lighter. They both glanced quickly at him as he entered, their gazes seeming to box him in for a split second before both murmured some sort of greeting, and looked away hastily.
The languid atmosphere in the room shifted almost immediately, a charged sort of chill coming as though from nowhere and making its presence painfully noticeable.
Josh looked first at Ryder, then at Leah, who both did their best to avoid his eyes. � Hi guys.� He said, walking across the room and falling silent, not knowing what else to say to either of them. Looking up at Faye as he stood by her feet, he answered her question half-heartedly, � All right, I guess.�
� You know what?� Leah suddenly announced, sliding off her bed, � I�m really hungry� Going out for a bite to eat.� Hastily making her exit, she ran out of the door, � See ya.�
� Actually, I better go as well.� Ryder said quickly, standing up, � I�ve got some stuff to sort out myself. So, uh� I�ll see you later.�
Josh glanced over as the heavy mahogany door clicked closed behind Ryder, his troubled gaze lingering on the spot. � Wow,� he remarked with a wry smile, � Look at the rapid exits. I wonder why that was?�
� All right.� Faye sighed, sitting down on the bed and pulling her legs in, half-lotus style. Patting the stretch of bed next to her, she demanded, � What�s the deal?�
He sat down with a huge sigh, � Where do I even start?�
� So many vibes are buzzing around the place even I don�t know what to make of them anymore." She seldom missed any of the goings-on around her and her friends; and when she did, she demanded that she be brought up to date as soon as humanly possible. " Something is on the move with you and Ryder, something is weird between you and Leah; and I keep hearing about you and Malcolm being all cuddly� so spill. What�s going on?�
� Today�s shaping up to be one of those �make Josh spill all his nasty secrets� days.� He confessed with a groan, � I had to tell Malcolm about the whole �incident� at Andover.�
She grinned, � That�s some juicy stuff.� Wincing, she pressed a hand to her ribs in faint remembrance, � Car crash-inducing, when you�re not expecting it.�
He shot a death glare at her, � For you, maybe. For me it�s just called �humiliating�.�
� And it�s only going to get worse.� She said promptly, � You�re not getting out of this room until I know exactly what�s going on between you and all aforementioned people, so talk.�
He sighed, knowing better than to argue otherwise. �Who do you want to know about first?�
� You and Ryder.� She answered promptly.
He glanced down at his hands, voice suddenly subdued, � Not much.�
� But you�re not avoiding each other at every turn now.� She pointed out, � And I may be wrong, but didn�t you just say hi to each other a moment ago?�
He nodded, � Okay, so we are not in as much of a deadlock as we were, say, a few months ago. But�� shrugging, he frowned, � I have no idea where we stand, okay? Am I supposed to hate him? Is he supposed to hate me? Maybe we�re supposed to be friends again? I have no idea, and I think I need to do something but I just don't know what.�
She fed a strand of ice-blonde hair between her teeth and chewed on it thoughtfully, � Okay. I get you. It's the sort of� standard-issue, larger-than-life trauma that could only stem from the Josh/Ryder saga, isn�t it?�
� Thanks.� He replied dryly, � That�s exactly what it was. Standard-issue trauma from our never-ending saga of the past catching up to us, definitely. I can�t believe I was silly enough to start worrying over it.�
� Cut the sarcasm.� She grinned, � You know what I mean. It�s so blindingly obvious that you two are miserable not being friends again� but you are both too scared to start patching things up.�
� I�m not scared.� He said defensively, � He was the one who freaked out and ran away, starting this whole thing.�
� And you�re the one who consequently got kicked out of the country.� She pointed out, � Face it, both of you were totally screwed over by the situation. And you�re scared to death of what it might mean for you to even start speaking to each other again."
" No I'm not." He retorted, even more defensive, " I can speak to him just fine."
" Talking about what?" She replied with a disapproving frown, " The weather?"
He chewed on his lower lip and stared down at his hands.
She shook her head, " Do me a favour, okay? Try to patch things up. I'm not saying you should just brush everything under the rug or scrub the slate clean, but at least try to talk to each other like you're more than strangers who'd just met five minutes ago."
He looked away and said in a small voice, � He hates gay people.�
� He doesn�t hate you.� Her tone was surprisingly gentle.
He didn�t answer, and she didn�t push the subject. Instead, she moved on cheerfully, � And next up on the list, Leah. You and Leah.�
� Yeah�� he grinned, albeit avoiding her eyes. � What can I say?�
� Did something happen?� She asked, � You guys suddenly went weird on me.�
� Something happened.� He affirmed. � Not pretty."
" Not deterring me." She replied, folding her arms.
" And not exactly one of my favourite memories, either." He continued with a groan. " But uh, we, um, hmm."
" Sutherland�" She raised an eyebrow, her voice low and slightly menacing, � you�re not making sense.�
He smiled with embarrassment, again. He seemed to be doing that a lot today. � Prom. After-party. Lots of alcohol� and spare rooms.�
She gaped at him, " You can't be serious."
He shrugged, pulling on a loose thread on his shirtsleeve. His nails were painted silver, the varnish chipped on his right index finger.
" You jumped her?" She asked incredulously.
He blinked, then protested, " She jumped me."
She whacked him on the arm, a little lost for words, " What's with this sluttiness all of a sudden, Josh?"
" What?" He looked defiant, " You could sleep with Scout and get away with it just fine, but I do it with somebody and all of a sudden I'm a little slut?"
" Firstly, I�m dating Scout," she pointed out, " and secondly, you had quite enough romantic interests already without having to drag Leah into this whole thing!"
" She's a groupie!" he whined, " And it's not like I forced her, for god's sake!"
She shot him a dark look and he sighed, turning sombre again. � Okay, okay.� He admitted, � Stupid mistake, I know. Things have been weird between us ever since.�
� Not surprisingly.� She glanced up toward the ceiling, looking exasperated.
� Look, we talked about it already, okay mother?� He sighed, � We knew it was just a one-off thing, we agreed that there�s not much of a future in it and we should just accept it at face value. I think we�re doing that.�
� You, maybe.� She pointed out. � But need I remind you how infatuated she is with you? It�s not healthy.�
� It never is,� he answered. � But you know what? I�m not saying this to get myself off the hook,� sneaking a peek at her, he continued, � honestly� but I think this might be better in the long run?�
� What, you�re saying that she could sleep with you, get it out of her system, and move on?� Faye demanded with a huge sigh, � I�m not liking how this sounds. But I guess we�ll have to wait and see, won�t we? Now,� she touched him on the arm with a smile, � tell me about Malcolm, seeing it�s probably the nicest topic of the lot.�
He grinned.
Part 3
The Dean's House
Hamilton staggered into the guest room with an armful of blankets and sheets. " Over here." He called, dumping the load onto the bed. Jake followed him, and Kate Fleming accompanied her.
" Everything all right?" Hamilton's mother asked, placing a hand on Jake's shoulder.
" Yes, it's great." Jake was quick to reply, gazing around the room. It was small but immaculately furnished, warm and inviting, just like how she had imagined the Flemings� guest room to be like. Her eyes fell on a series of small black and white photographs that hung framed on the walls. The subjects were either abstract, out of focus, or both. It was like a recollection of dreams.
Kate caught her looking and smiled, � Exquisite, aren�t they?�
Jake turned to face Kate, who nodded in the direction of the photographs, � They were done by a friend of mine, a few years back. Hamilton practically worshipped him� he was the reason why Hamilton took up photography in the first place.�
Hamilton sat down on the bed, looking at the two women silently. Jake glanced at him but smiled at Kate, � I always thought he grew up with photography, with you being his mom and being around art all the time.�
� Sure,� Kate cast a hurried glimpse over her shoulder at her son, who looked away from her and instead trained his eyes on the photos. She turned back to Jake, � but it wasn�t until after my friend had something to say about it that he took it up seriously.�
Jake nodded. She hadn�t heard this before, and it felt nice, sharing little Hamilton-childhood stories with his mother. Looking over Kate�s shoulder, she was sure that she caught the hint of a nostalgic smile touching his lips. She turned her attention back to Kate, " Thanks, Mrs. Fleming, for letting me stay over."
" No problem, Jake." Kate grinned brightly, " It's nice that this room can be put into use now and again." Checking her watch, she said, " I've got to go, my break is up. Piles of folios still waiting to be graded for Finals.� Making a face, she added as she walked out, � Make yourself at home, okay?"
" See you at dinner, Jake." Kate called back, her voice growing fainter as she walked down the stairs, " Bye, Hamilton."
A grunt was Hamilton's reply, while Jake hastened to call, walking to the doorway, " We won't be at dinner tonight, we're going to Bella's."
Kate paused halfway down the stairs, " Bella?"
" She's a friend in town." Jake explained, " Her dad owns the gas station."
" I know her." Kate nodded in recognition, " Pretty, blonde, really good with car engines?"
Jake smiled, " That's her. She's invited us over to her house tonight, you know, to celebrate the end of Finals."
" Okay." Kate said, beginning to head downstairs again, " Have fun, you two. Don't stay out too late."
" We won't." Jake promised with a smile, walking back into the guest room. Hamilton was still lounging on the edge of the bed, looking at her with a thoughtful expression.
" What?" She asked, sitting down beside him.
" Nothing." He glanced at her, " You get along well with my mom."
" She's a nice woman." She said carefully.
He looked away, " I know."
" Don't you think you've punished her enough already?" She continued, gazing at him.
She knew she brought this subject up more than ever lately. It was disheartening to see him this detached from his own mother, and a small part of her couldn�t help but wonder if this sort of thing would ever happen to them� through his dealings with Kate, he had demonstrated just how cold and unforgiving he could be, given the right - or maybe she should say wrong? - circumstances. It was a little frightening.
He didn't reply.
" I'm just saying," she continued, " Sometimes people do make mistakes. And it's been what? Six months? Maybe it's time to try and let it go."
" I know." He suddenly replied, turning back to look at her, his gaze travelling over her furrowed brows and concerned hazel eyes. On impulse he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.
She recoiled in surprise, but managed to smile nevertheless, " What was that for?"
" For helping me and my mom." He replied.
" But I didn't do anything." She protested.
He smiled, and after a moment said softly, " You did enough."
* * *
Faye's room
Faye sat up in bed, wrapping the tangled bedsheets around her slender form. Running a hand through her rumpled hair and stretching, her back arched, she watched Scout, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and in the process of buttoning up his shirt.
She had only just finished her conversation with Josh before Scout came to find her, and one thing naturally led to another, end result being a locked dorm room door in broad daylight, among other things. They've been doing that a lot lately.
That was fun, she thought, and said so. � That was fun.�
He turned to face her with a smile, but before he said anything she pointed at his lopsided shirttails, � You missed a button.�
He merely grinned and reached over to kiss her lightly, first on the lips, then on her bare shoulder.
� Mmm.� She murmured, leaning into his touch with her eyes closed. � I�m going to miss you over the break.�
� Yeah�� He mumbled absently, then looked up, � Wait.�
She smiled, flirtatiously and knowingly so, as though she wasn�t surprised in the least. � Having second thoughts about going home are we, Mr. Calhoun?� She teased.
� Yeah.� He admitted sheepishly, his arm folding absently around her waist.
She reclined comfortably against him and asked, after a moment of silence, � Well?�
� Where are you going?� He asked. � Whenever I asked before you just shrugged and told me you didn�t know. Well, we�re all leaving tomorrow - do you know now?�
She lifted her head and looked at him, shrugging, � Nope, not really.�
He raised an eyebrow, � So you�re just going to get in that car tomorrow and drive off, not knowing where you�re going or anything.�
� Don�t sound so surprised.� She laughed, � Where�s your sense of adventure, Scout? That�s where the fun is. I have quality transport and credit cards on hand, what else would I need? I�ll go where the mood takes me.�
He gazed at her thoughtfully, and she grinned back.
� I�m coming with you.� He suddenly announced.
Her smile did not alter in the slightest, � I was hoping you�d say that.�
� Really?� He asked, wondering why it was, that she could always anticipate his next move much better than he himself did.
� Yeah�� she leaned in and pressed her lips to his, � I can tell this is going to be a fun trip��
He kissed her back, feeling more content than he had ever felt, her pliant body warm in his arms and the notion of the future stretching away from them, possibilities endless, just like the roads they were about to travel together.
Faye's cell phone rang, and she disentangled herself from Scout�s arms to grab it from the nightstand, � Yeah.� She said into the receiver, a little breathlessly. Then after a pause, � Oh, hi Bella.�
Scout tugged on the bottom of his shirt, buttoning it up again properly. Faye watched him in her peripheral vision, lips curved up in a small smile. � Mmm hmm, um, just then?� She grinned and he furrowed his brows, mouthing �what?�
� That was you who called?� Faye winked at him while still talking into the receiver, � Yeah, sorry about not picking up� I was a little busy at the time.�
He grinned, scooting over to wrap his arms around her once more, quietly trailing his lips down her neck. She yielded to his touch, tilting her head back and smiling at him again. Chuckling into the phone, she answered Bella, � Yes, of course we�re going. All right, we�ll see you at seven. Bye.�
She snapped the phone shut and turned back to Scout, � Bella wanted to check if we�re going to her gathering - soiree - thing tonight. She was also curious as to why I didn�t pick up the phone earlier.�
He chuckled against her smooth skin, his breath tickling her neck, � Curious, is she?�
� Yeah�� She mumbled as his lips found hers once more.
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
Will set the last of his cartons down in the corner of the living room and turned to see Bella looking at him. " Do you need anything?" She asked, " I can get you some more pillows or something if you need them�"
" I'm good." He hurried to say, " Honestly, this is all fine, Bella, thanks."
" Okay." She nodded, sticking her hands in her pockets.
She was dressed casually, a white sleeveless top over faded jeans, and her hair was gathered in two French braids, making her look a little younger than usual. She looked luminous, almost, and this image of her standing in front of him was somehow very different to the one that he had retained of her over these months� withdrawn, helpless and tired. Maybe a break was what they needed.
She glanced at him and blushed, " What?"
He gave a start, and suddenly realised that he was staring. Reddening, he looked away, " Nothing."
She gazed at him a second longer than she had to, then cleared her throat, trying to break the silence, " Um, so do you have any plans for the summer?"
He shook his head, " Outside of taking on more shifts at the diner? No. It's only a couple of weeks� break anyway, before I head back to Rawley."
She nodded, and after a pause he asked, " You?"
She chewed on her lower lip thoughtfully, " I don't know. I feel like�"
He waited for her to finish, but she simply stopped mid-sentence. Finally he had to ask, " Feel like what?"
She seemed to suddenly realise that they were both standing awkwardly about the living room, and sat down on the couch with a small smile. " It's just," she elaborated slowly, " My life hadn't seemed to have much meaning lately. It's just school, and work, and�" she shrugged, " I feel like I need something different for a change."
" You could always travel in the summer." He suggested, " See the world."
" Charlie needs me here." The answer came as if on reflex. She raised her head and looked at him wearily, " I can't just leave. You know that."
" I know." He nodded, and after a moment said carefully, " But you have to know that your life is still yours�"
She blinked, tugging on one of her braids.
" �and sometimes you just have to think about yourself above other people." He finished, with a meaningful glance in her direction.
She sighed and looked as though she was going to say something, but held back at the last instant. Speaking eventually, her tone was listless. " You know I can't do that."
" Bella, listen to me." He walked forward, gazing at her, " You are what's most important, in the end. I mean, responsibility is a big thing and you should take care of it the best you could, but you can't let your entire life be defined by other people's rules."
She looked up at him, silent and pondering.
* * *
Carson, Dr Perkins' office
Jake's willowy frame was nearly lost inside her favourite oversized armchair. She liked the sensation of being small and coddled. Maybe it was the sense of safety that the armchair brought, like it would shield her from something. Or maybe it was just because the feeling was the same one she had looked for all of her childhood, but never managed to find. Not with her mother being Monica Pratt.
Dr Hamish Perkins, her psychiatrist, was sitting in his swivel chair as usual, facing her and leaning forward, resting a notepad on his knees. He hardly got off that swivel chair of his, preferring to get around the office by gliding around on the chair with the wheels, pushing and bouncing himself off the furniture and walls to get to where he wanted to go. Jake liked how childlike he seemed sometimes, it made her less cynical of the things that he had to say.
" All right," he said, checking his watch and pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, " I guess we could wrap up today's session. Nice to see your progress, Jacqueline." He smiled, extending a hand like he always did at the end of their therapy sessions, " You're working through this at an admirable pace. Hamilton moving out had been a tremendous help, I have to say, you're going to get back to normal in no time at all."
Something sparked in her eyes, making her shake his hand but make no move to stand up.
" Dr Perkins�" hesitant, she said slowly.
" Yes?" He asked, leaning forward again, looking concerned, " Is something the matter?"
" No." She hastened to say, " I just wanted to� I mean, I wanted to ask�"
He waited patiently as she paused, trying to place her thoughts in articulated form.
" You know how crazy this situation is." She finally said, " I mean, between me and Hamilton. The whole cross-dressing pretending to be gay undergoing therapy moving in moving out scenario is�" she smiled wryly, " insane."
He didn't answer straight away, waiting to see if she had anything more to add.
" I just wanted to ask," she continued, " I know you said� but is this relationship� I mean, can it ever be normal? Is it warped and twisted beyond recognition? We're living it, but we can't see it from anybody�s eyes except our own. And sometimes�" she glanced away, � well, sometimes I just can�t help but think of how crazy it must be, from someone else�s perspective.�
He smiled, capping his pen. She looked at him, chewing on the inside of her lower lip.
It wasn't like his answer was going to affect anything between her and Hamilton; they were in love and no one really cared about normalcy much anyway. It was their life and they saw no reason to complain.
Still, sometimes she did wonder, just how insane were they? She needed an outsider to give her an honest opinion.
" Honestly?" Perkins said, his piercing green gaze nevertheless softened with a little laughter dancing in his eyes, " You guys have one of the healthiest relationships I've ever seen."
She hadn't expected this, and the pleasant surprise showed as she broke into a startled smile, " Really?"
" Really." He confirmed, " Yes, your circumstances are beyond strange; and yes, it is 'twisted', in a way. But none of that really matters, does it?" He leaned back on his chair and mused, " I don't know what it is, maybe it's the very thing that makes your relationship work so well."
She sat up straighter, struggling her way out amidst the comfortable cushions.
" I've seen very few couples who have the same level of devotion that you have with Hamilton," he continued with a smile, " it's quite inspiring, actually."
She wondered if she should say 'thank you' but figured that it would come out funny; so she simply continued smiling, which wasn't hard to do, considering she was already grinning like an idiot.
" Don't worry about how normal your relationship seems." He advised gently, " Any relationship is a good relationship if it works. And if you strip away all the unnecessary things, like circumstances, places, time� you'll be left with simply you and Hamilton. Together." He emphasised, " It's the only thing that matters in the end."
She nodded, getting up from the armchair. " Thank you, I needed to hear that."
He also stood up and smiled, " Don't worry about the things that clutter up your life, you two have a rock-solid relationship, I can guarantee you."
* * *
Rawley Girls' Academy, dorms
Josh checked his watch as he walked down the halls of the girls' dorms, noting that the building was almost deserted. Everyone seemed to have evaporated right out of Rawley the minute that exams were finished, and who could blame them?
His footsteps sounding lonely and unduly loud, he took his familiar path to Faye's room. The girls� dorms were virtually the exact replica of the boys� building, and he walked up the main staircase, his eyes falling on the Rawley Academy crest carved into the opposite wall.
Veritas est virtus: Truth is virtue.
He idly wondered to himself if there would still be a definite virtue if such situations arose that did not have a definite truth. Truth and lies seldom arrived in black and white, but rather, in varying shades of grey. So how would virtue be measured then, when truth was not by any means absolute?
He was startled out of his reflection when he took a bend in the hallway and saw Ryder standing in front of Faye�s room, scrutinising the closed door with a bemused expression.
Ryder glanced up when he heard footsteps, a look of unease settling over his features as soon as he saw who it was.
" Hey." Josh said in a low voice, walking up to him. " Um, what are you doing here?"
" Looking for Faye." Ryder replied, stealing a glance at the dark-haired boy.
" Why aren't you going in?" Josh asked quizzically.
Ryder raised an eyebrow and nodded his head in the direction of the door, indicating for him to try it. Josh looked at him dubiously and closed his hand around the door handle. He turned it, but nothing gave.
" It's locked." He said, and just then managed to catch a snatch of faint laughter coming from inside the room. Stepping back, he raised an eyebrow, " Oh."
" Yeah.' Ryder looked pained, walking away from the door himself. Fumbling around in his pocket, he lit up a cigarette, " What are you here for?"
" Um�" the simple question took a while longer than necessary for Josh to process, " We are going to a friend's place." As an afterthought he added, " To hang out." Consequently he wanted to kick himself because the phrase came out sounding rather stupid.
Ryder looked at him through a thin haze of smoke, his lips curled up in a small smile. Josh looked away, " You?"
" I know she has plans tonight," Ryder shrugged, " so I came to say goodbye now."
Josh looked up abruptly, " You're leaving?"
Before Ryder could answer, the door rattled, then opened, revealing Faye behind it. " Hey!" She called, " I thought I heard voices out in the hall."
" Very perceptive of you." Ryder replied dryly.
" We didn�t want to, um," Josh smirked, " interrupt."
She laughed, " Oh no, we weren't doing anything naughty in there."
The expression with raised eyebrows on both guys looked completely identical. Faye grinned, " Honestly, we were just hanging out."
" And you wanted locked-door privacy for that." Ryder remarked disinterestedly and then threw in a contemplative 'hmm'.
She blinked and said with an air of innocence, " No, we just forgot to unlock it after�"
" Please, stop here." Josh grimaced theatrically, " All I want to know is, are you guys ready to go?"
She nodded, stepping aside so that Scout could walk out behind her. In comparison he looked a lot more embarrassed than the three lounging in the hallway, all careless half-smirks and nonchalance.
� Um, hi guys.� He mumbled, peering furtively at Ryder and bracing himself for some sort of nasty remark. It never came and he fought the urge to glance at the blond boy again, wondering what had clogged up his usually well-run insult system. Then he turned, and the answer became obvious - it was standing right in front of them, �Ryder�s guilty conscience� stuffed into all five feet nothing of a pale little androgyne.
It wasn�t even much of a surprise nowadays, more like common knowledge that neither Josh nor Ryder were themselves when placed within each other�s presence. Made for an interesting - if not indeed welcome - change.
" It�s time to start heading to Bella�s place." Josh said. Scout nodded and Josh steered him toward the hallway, calling over his shoulder, " We'll wait for you downstairs, Faye."
" Okay." She answered, turning back to her brother. He was staring at his cigarette butt, wondering where to snub it out. She sighed when he decided her doorframe was as good a place as any, and cheerfully left a scorch mark on the polished mahogany.
She waved at the air between them, half-heartedly clearing the smoke, " So you're going now?"
He shrugged, " In a few hours."
" You okay with transport?" She asked.
He nodded, " Taking a taxi to the airport. I'll think about getting a new car when I get back for the summer." Reaching out, he wrapped his arms around her in a brief hug, " I'll see you then."
" I don't know if I'll be back for the start of summer session." She hugged him back, discreetly slipping something into his pocket.
He did not notice and drew back, holding her at arm's length with a solemn gaze, " Another mystery destination trip?"
" Like every summer." She confirmed, smiling, " I guess I'll see ya when I see ya." Planting a small kiss on his cheek, she turned to leave.
" Have fun." He called after her, his lone figure framed by the empty hallway.
" You too, Ryder." She turned, a smile on her face.
Part 4
Bella's gas station
*Green Day's 'Time of Your Life' plays in the background*
The evening was sultry, fading sunlight generously casting its remaining gold into the gas station, where everyone was gathered one last time before heading off for the summer. The quiet, lethargic atmosphere was an all too blissful reminder that school was officially out.
--�Another turning point / a fork stuck in the road / Time grabs you by the wrist / directs you where to go / So make the best of this test and don't ask why / It's not a question but a lesson learned in time��
" That's why alternate tuning is sometimes way better," Josh explained to Hamilton, flexing his fingers in demonstration, " I mean, if you keep your hand barred in one position for a whole song, it's obviously going to hurt."
" Yeah, but if you change key halfway through the song, the open strings you were playing before would be virtually useless." Hamilton looked confused, " You'll have to go back to barre chords."
" That's not the point, I'm not saying avoid them altogether. But you have to mix up your positions a bit." Josh shrugged, taking a sip from his drink, " You just don't want your hand to freeze up in pain, that's all."
Jake watched their discussion from her seat on the couch, grinning a little to herself. Bella sat down next to her and followed her gaze, smiling, " Those two are getting along really well, aren't they?"
Jake rolled her eyes, " To the point where you can't even sit with them, as soon as they start talking guitars." Gazing at the two again, her soft expression nevertheless betrayed her annoyed tone of voice. " But I think it's nice Hamilton has someone to talk to about music. I mean, it's not like photography, which is pretty much a solitary pursuit. For music�"
" You need people to talk to." Faye finished for her, walking over and perching on the armrest of the couch, " Believe me, I know. You won't believe how much time Josh spends on the phone to his band in Boston." She shook her head in mock horror, " I've seen the bills."
The other two laughed, and Faye tucked her hair behind her ear, looking around thoughtfully. Hamilton and Josh were still deep in conversation; while Scout and Will were sitting on the window seats, each nursing a drink in his hand, looking distinctly nostalgic. " Didn't you invite Sean?" She asked.
" He's still wallowing." Bella sighed, " I guess the end of Finals isn't that much of a celebration for him, he still has to slave through summer school."
--�It's something unpredictable / but in the end is right / I hope you had the time of your life��
" I'm coming back for summer session," Jake protested, " And it's out of my own free will."
" Exactly." Bella said, " There's a difference. It's fun for you because you can just breeze through the courses without worrying if you're going to pass or fail. He has to be there."
" Plus," Faye added, " you're comparing Edmund High to Rawley Academy. Those two don't exactly offer the same summer curriculum. No offence, Bella."
" None taken." Bella smiled.
--�So take the photographs and still frames in your mind / Hang it on a shelf of good health and good time / Tattoos of memories and dead skin on trial / For what it's worth, it was worth all the while��
In their seats by the window, Scout didn't miss Will's furtive glance in Bella's direction. Smiling lightly, he asked, " How are things going with you and her, anyway?"
Will jumped, swivelling in his direction, " What?"
Scout laughed, " With you and Bella."
Will sneaked another look at her. She was leaning slightly on Jake's shoulder, chuckling at something that Faye had said. Her hair had been let out of their braids and was again loose around her shoulders, the golden strands retaining a slight wave in them, making the light bounce off her hair in different angles. Her face was slightly flushed, and she pressed a hand carelessly to her left cheek, looking as though she was trying to cool the skin.
At that moment she looked up, and their gazes locked for a second before she nodded with a smile and looked away again.
--�It's something unpredictable / but in the end is right / I hope you had the time of your life��
" Earth to Will." Scout commented from beside him, and Will turned, a little embarrassed, " Sorry. Um� me and Bella? I don't know."
" You don't know?" Scout pressed, " Or you haven't tried to find out?"
" To be honest I don't even know what I want, let alone worry about what she wants." Will sighed.
Scout looked at him, " Can I give you some advice? Practical experience says a lot more than theory."
Will chuckled, " What's that in reference to?"
" I'm just saying," Scout was unfazed, " sometimes you have to try before you really understand what you're talking about."
" So you think we should give it another shot?" Will asked, glancing at Bella again.
" Everyone thinks you should give it another shot." Scout answered promptly. His look softened as he contemplated Bella, " She's a special girl, Will. You don't want her slipping through your fingers."
--�It's something unpredictable / but in the end is right / I hope you had the time of your life��
Will nodded quietly, thinking to himself. A moment later he suddenly grinned, " Listen to us."
Scout glanced at him, " What?"
" This time last year we didn�t even know each other." Will explained, " And now you're sitting here convincing me to have another go with the love-of-your-life-turned-sister-turned-friend. How messed up is that? It�s like we live in a soap opera or something."
Scout laughed quietly, his contemplative gaze flickering to Bella once more.
" To coin a 'Blue Velvet' quote," Will glanced at him, " it's a strange world."
--�It's something unpredictable / but in the end is right / I hope you had the time of your life��
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy
Kate Fleming walked briskly down the hall, her arms laden with art folios piled so high that she could hardly see above them. Her high heels made sharp staccato clicks on the wooden floor, echoing in the empty hallways.
Just as she passed Finn's office, the door happened to open and he walked out, nearly straight into her. " Sorry!" They both exclaimed as he took a hasty step backwards and she struggled to balance the folios. Reaching out, he grabbed an armful and saved the pile from toppling over, " I've got it."
" Thanks." She avoided his eyes and mumbled.
" Here, let me help you." He said, taking the folders out of her arms and striding out into the hall, heading for her classroom. " How's the grading going?" He asked amicably as she took a couple of hasty strides to catch up.
" It's okay." It was a curt answer, her voice low and indifferent.
Her pointed apathy was not lost on him, as he did not say anything more. They walked to her office in silence, and he set the folios down in a clear spot amidst all the art materials on her desk.
" Thank you." She said, walking quickly behind the desk, consciously putting distance and substance between the two of them.
He looked at her and when it was apparent that she had nothing else to say, turned to go. But he turned back almost immediately, planting himself in front of the desk again.
" Kate," he sighed, " What� why are you doing this?"
" I don't know what you mean." She replied crisply, rearranging the pieces on her desk.
" Why do you act like I'm a stranger all the time?" He asked gently, " I know it's awkward after we stopped� seeing each other, but this isn't normal behaviour for staff to have. I realise that chapter of our lives are behind us now, so can't you at least act civil?"
She paused what she was doing and looked up at him, " Not where you're concerned."
He lowered his eyes, " I'm just saying, this doesn't seem any more natural than�"
" Don't you tell me what's unnatural around here, Finn." Her expression was blank, " I'm not doing this for your benefit."
" For Steve, then." He sighed, " It makes no difference�"
" Not Steven." She interrupted him, their gazes connecting for the most fleeting of moments as he glanced up, then quickly looked away.
Her voice filled the air between them, one word that seemed to offer all the explanations and justifications that were ever needed.
" Hamilton."
He fell silent.
" I've hurt him like I�ve never done before." She was quiet and determined, " I owe it to him to stay away from you."
He looked up, " Kate, you have to understand I�m not asking for a second chance, I'm only asking that we remain polite to each other, for god's sake! Is that too much to ask?"
" Hamilton can't separate courtesy from something more affectionate, and frankly speaking I don't think I can either." She said, careful to avoid his eyes. " So this conversation is over, Finn."
He did not reply and she didn't look up at him. Instead she opened the folio on top of the pile, and started to scrutinise the first exam piece.
It was a technical charcoal and chalk, and the way that this student chose to display light and shade was, honestly speaking, quite gorgeous and definitely full of merit.
However, the perspective of this piece was just a little out, a subtle mistake but it was discernible nevertheless. She frowned; it was a shame. She would have no choice but to penalise him severely for it.
Finn stared at her for only a moment longer before turning and walking out the door, not bothering to close it behind him.
Their illicit relationship had ended a long time ago, but it was not until now that he realised - they really have burned all their bridges. Whatever bonds they once shared did not transcend the intricacies of sex, love and inevitable betrayal; that was the only remaining truth.
Having only taken a couple of heavy steps as he moved away from Kate's door, he suddenly heard a woman's voice call out from the end of the hall.
" Finn!"
Kate lifted her head at the sound of Finn's name, outside in the hallway. She recognised the voice, it belonged to Kathy Braden, an English teacher over at Rawley Girls'.
" Kathy! What's up?" She heard Finn say in a pleasantly surprised voice, and Ms Braden's quick steps as she caught up with him.
" Nothing much. Just taking a break from grading my girls' papers." She had a melodic voice, as vivacious as she was young and lovely, " Going into town to grab a bite to eat, I'm starving." A pause, and then, " Would you care to join me?"
Kate stared blankly at the Picasso print hanging on the wall across from her desk: 'Les Demoiselles d'Avignon', the one painting that was said to have defined modern art. It was hung at eye level, next to the open door. She could only see an empty oblong of hallway outside of it, but she also knew that Finn and Kathy stood not far away - it was just that she could not see them where she stood.
" Sure." Came his cheerful reply, and a moment later Kate heard him ask playfully, " Where shall we dine?"
" Oh please," Ms Braden let loose a peal of laughter, " I beg you, no more Romeo and Juliet lines. I've heard enough during the production to last me a lifetime."
Kate stared hard at the print on the wall. She had devoted a great portion of her life to art, she knew the painting's artistic values and had indeed often marvelled at the sheer brilliance of it, how a whole era of cubism - such new ideas and concepts - sprung up around that one single painting.
But now that she looked at it, she suddenly found that she could see nothing but one after another of abstract, naked, almost grotesquely deformed women. At face value that painting really was extraordinarily ugly.
Finn's chuckles were fading in volume as the couple made their way down the hall. Ms Braden was asking, " That reminds me, what's your real name, Finn? It said on the programme of the play that you're officially 'C.H. Finn'. What do the letters stand for?"
" Of course I could tell you," he laughed heartily, their voices trailing away as they walked out of earshot, " but then I'll have to kill you, of course�"
Kate kept staring at the Picasso print. The prostitutes in the painting stared back at her, their distorted eyes large and blank.
It had just occurred to her that, not once in their long affair, had she asked Finn what his name was.
* * *
Upstairs, half-concealed in the growing evening shadows, was Ryder. He leaned his elbows on the banister and smiled, having thoroughly enjoyed the little show down below.
" The plot thickens." He said quietly to himself. From this vantage point he could quite easily see inside Kate Fleming's art room, where the Dean's wife was still staring into space, long after Finn and Ms Braden had departed.
Straightening up, he sauntered back to his dorm room. He had shared it with a dough-faced, tolerable - read: easily manipulated - senior for the past couple of years, but he of course had now graduated with the rest of the class, unlike a certain Yours Truly. Ryder sat down on the edge of his bed, fumbled in the pocket of his suede jacket for a smoke and hoped that he would get a single room next semester. Maybe he should try pulling a few strings.
His hand closed around a packet of cigarettes, but also brushed against something unfamiliar, it felt like stiff paper. Frowning, he pulled it out and saw that someone had managed to sneak a small unmarked envelope into his pocket without his noticing.
It wasn't sealed, and something fluttered out of the upside-down white packet. A photograph, landing face-up on the ground. He stared at it, making no move to pick it up.
Three children gazed out from the glossy print, their arms around each other's shoulders, all looking no older than eleven.
On the left was a solemn-looking blond boy, his grey-blue eyes narrowed; on the right was a girl wearing wire-rimmed glasses, wrinkling her nose at the camera, her mousy-coloured hair gathered up into pigtails. In between them was a thin dark-haired child, looking neither distinctly boyish or girly, offering the onlooker a sweet smile.
Him, Faye, and Josh, of course.
He slid his fingers inside the envelope tentatively, and pulled out a note.
It read, in Faye's familiar scrawled handwriting, 'Do take a hint, brother dear.'
* * *
Bella's gas station
It was dark when the gang said their goodbyes, the night finally having fallen over the long summer day. Faye, Scout, Jake, Hamilton and Josh piled into Faye's car, leaning over each other to exchange farewells with Bella and Will, who were standing in the doorway.
" So where are you guys going again?" Will asked Scout, confusion written all over his face.
Scout shrugged, and glanced at Faye as though she would offer an answer. She did, but not a very good one: " We're just going to be driving around."
" Right," Jake chimed in, " that's so specific."
Josh smiled lopsidedly at her, " What's the big deal? It's the era of the cell phone, I say use it."
" Yeah, call us when you get bored." Scout added, looking over Faye's shoulder, " You have our numbers."
" Or you can call us." Hamilton leaned back into the seat, " You know where we'll be."
" Yes, making friendly phone calls to the Dean's house is so very appealing." Faye said dryly.
" Just keep in contact, everyone." Bella laughed, rolling her eyes, " I don't even know why we're having a detailed conversation over it." Gazing around the faces of those who were packed inside the car, she smiled, " Have fun, wherever you're going."
Amidst the chaos of everyone saying 'we will's and 'take care's, Faye started the engine. With a few last words and hugs exchanged, Will and Bella watched as the black convertible made its way down Main Street, heading back to Rawley Academy.
Bella turned to Will, but before she could say anything, a bright spot of light suddenly flared overhead, illuminating their faces for a brief second before fading away.
Will looked up, " A meteor!" He exclaimed happily.
" I think it's a meteor shower." Bella corrected him as a couple more bright spots flew by high above. Smiling, they watched in wonder as the stars themselves seem to fall, trailing brilliant paths across the night.
" Come here." Bella motioned for Will to follow her to a seat by the gas pumps, their gazes fixed on the sky.
* * *
Rawley Academy
Faye pulled to a stop just inside the school's gates. She stopped the engine and immediately looked up, like the others in the car were doing for the whole way back.
" It's so beautiful." Josh breathed, his eyes following a particularly bright meteor as it carved a white trail all the way from one side of the sky to the other, seeming to have sliced open the dark.
" I hope the meteor shower lasts for a while." Hamilton said, getting out of the car and holding open the door for Jake, all the time while looking up.
" They usually do." Jake answered, taking his hand. Her eyes were black and liquid in the night, made starry by the meteors streaking overhead. He took his eyes off the sky long enough to smile at her, and she leaned her head softly on his shoulder.
Scout tore his gaze from the sky and looked at his friends, " Well, I guess this is goodbye."
" I thought you weren't leaving until tomorrow." Hamilton asked.
Faye shrugged, " We're probably leaving in the early morning and get on our way fast."
" We'll call you." Jake promised, " And�"
" I'll see ya when I see ya." The other four chorused, laughing. " I better get going too," said Josh, stepping out of the car, " I'll be making an early start tomorrow morning as well."
" Have fun in Boston, don't party too hard with your groupies." Faye grinned at him meaningfully, " We'll drop by before we get back to Rawley for the summer."
He nodded, leaning over the driver side door to hug her briefly. Straightening up, he looked around with a smile, " Bye guys."
" So you're not coming for Summer Session at all?" Hamilton questioned.
" I wouldn't say that�" Josh had a devious grin on his lips, " you'll just have to wait and see."
Faye was the only one who smiled knowingly, and he grinned again, walking away from the group, " See you all later."
" Bye, Josh." The others chorused, watching him disappear into the shadows, heading toward the boys' dorms, his gaze once more held up to the sky.
" We should get going too." Jake said, glancing at Hamilton, " I love wandering around campus after hours."
" I taught her that." He told the others with a half-grin, " See you in a couple of weeks?"
" Something like that." Faye shrugged with a smile, " But then, you never know with a destination-less road trip."
Jake and Hamilton laughed, waved, and were gone; their shadows stretching long and narrow behind them as they sauntered off hand in hand, heading toward the quad.
Scout watched them leave, then looked at Faye, who was once again staring overhead, her head thrown back and pale blonde hair fanning across the back of the car seat.
" Make a wish." He said softly, " And if you can complete it before the meteor disappears, it'll come true."
She smiled, " That's a lot of wishes up there."
He grinned back, glancing up, " Only if you can make them fast enough."
She nodded, her gaze slowly falling from the heavens and onto him, violet eyes glinting in the faint light. " Come on," she said, getting out of the car and opening up the boot as she spoke, " I have something to show you."
He followed her, and laughed when he saw that packed neatly into the back of the car was a picnic basket, which she took out. A picnic blanket followed, rolled up into a bundle, which she promptly threw at him, " Come on."
He caught it with a chuckle, and ran to catch up as she set off briskly toward Rawley Lake. Another meteor soared overhead as their footsteps crunched on the gravel in the driveway, breaking the silence of the night.
Part 5
Rawley Academy
The dorms looked gigantic and menacing in the half-light, their grey stone exteriors concealed in shadows. Nearly all the windows were black, with only an odd few dotted around the buildings that were lit from within, indicating that its inhabitant had not yet left for the summer. But they too must all leave before tomorrow evening, when the school officially closes until the start of Summer Session.
The quad was lit by warm orange light that spilled from various sign lamps around its perimeters, and it was unsurprisingly deserted. Hand in hand, Jake and Hamilton wandered onto this island of light, standing quiet and solitary in the darkness that surrounded it. Three or four meteors flew overhead in rapid succession, disappearing barely before one had time to blink.
Jake was watching the sky as they streaked past, and she pointed up quickly, " Look."
" Where?" Hamilton looked, but the meteors were already gone.
" Too late." She dropped her gaze and offered him a smile, " You have to keep your eyes on the sky if you want to catch them."
He grinned, " I'd rather keep my eyes on you."
She smiled again, looking around, " I love this place after dark. It's so�"
" Peaceful. Protected." He finished for her, " Like nothing can disturb you here."
" Exactly." She nodded, her hold on his hand tightening.
" Let me go get my camera," he suddenly announced, making a move toward the dorms, " I want to take some pictures of you standing here."
He wanted memories captured. It had been a year since all this had started and it was as though tonight had marked a milestone for all of them, telling of things that were and things that hadn't yet begun.
" Wait a minute," her hand slipped from his grasp and instead her fingers fell to clasping around his wrist, and she said again, " wait."
He turned, and she stepped forward, so near that he could feel the warmth radiating from her body. She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head gently on his shoulder, exhaling softly.
" Jake�" he said, surprised.
� Shh,� she whispered, her cheek grazing against the soft cotton of his shirt, � I�m okay with this, really.�
He smiled, � I don�t want you to stretch yourself out too much, that�s all. Take it slow if you need to.�
� Hamilton,� she glanced up at him, a twinkle in her eye, � if I went any slower than this I don�t think I�ll be moving at all. Besides, Perkins said I was making really good progress.�
� Good to know.� He folded his arms around her waist, gauging her reaction.
She tensed slightly, but remained impassive in his embrace, � It�s just going to take time, that�s all� there�s nothing else to it.�
" There's you and me," he said, " We're the ones who are going to make this work."
" Yeah," she agreed quietly, with a smile.
" It just takes the two of us." He murmured, breathing in the clean, familiar scent of her skin.
And there was really no need for cameras anymore, because life had seemingly paused here. With Jake standing near, everything stayed still for this tender moment in time - and he knew didn't need film or anything else in order to capture the feeling of this night, gentle like water, warm with promise.
* * *
Rawley Lake
Faye knelt on the lake�s bank, spreading the picnic blanket before her. The thick tartan material fluttered into the breeze, then settled on the dew-soaked lawn as she smoothed the blanket down with her hands.
Scout watched her as he set the picnic basket down. Tonight she was wearing the violet cashmere sweater that he gave her on his return to Rawley, and her hair was gathered up in a topknot, held in place with lavender crystal pins.
Lately he had grown more and more aware of just how pale she was. It struck him as strange that he did not notice right from the start how delicate she looked. In fact, it was only after her car crash that he had finally started to realise that she in fact looked just as breakable as Josh. Both of them shared an insubstantial quality in their demeanour, made only more apparent by the fact that they also liked to shroud themselves in dark coats, looking as though they wanted to disappear right out of everyone�s sight.
She looked up, caught him staring at her, and snapped her fingers at him good-naturedly, � Earth to Gay Boy!�
He broke out of his reverie and groaned as he came to sit by her on the picnic blanket, � Do you have to call me that?�
She ran a finger lightly up the side of his arm, � I�ve earned the right, remember?�
� I remember.� He fought the urge to grimace at the memory of him walking his tortoise down the hall of Rawley Boys� Academy on a leash. She giggled at the look on his face and turned away, pulling the picnic basket closer.
He looked over her shoulder, � What�s in there?�
� Grapes,� she answered, � bread. Um�� Peering into the basket, she furrowed her brows, � An apple.�
He smothered a laugh, � That�s your idea of a picnic?�
� Who said anything about a picnic?� She replied, pulling a huge thermos out of the basket, making it apparent why it was packed with so little food.
� What�s in that?� he gestured.
She opened the top and a heady aroma wafted forth. � Coffee,� she said simply, taking out a couple of plastic cups and beginning to pour.
He raised his eyebrows, � There must be at least a dozen cups� worth of coffee in there. Faye, do you plan to sleep at all tonight?�
She looked up at him with a smile, handing him one of the Styrofoam cups. � Have you ever seen a proper sunrise over the lake?� She asked.
His confused expression cleared, and he shook his head with a smile.
* * *
Bella�s Gas Station
Bella and Will sat side by side, looking up at the sky. Both were acutely aware of their close proximity, almost touching� but not quite. In the silence of the night, only their soft breathing could be heard.
*The Sundays� �When I'm Thinking About You� plays in the background*
� Oh!� Bella exclaimed as another meteor shot across the sky, trailing a long bright path in the velvet darkness. Glancing at Will, she smiled shyly.
He smiled back, � You know what this reminds me of?�
� What?� She asked, brushing her hair away from her eyes.
� At the end of Summer Session, last year.� He replied, � When we were going to Carson to find your mom.�
She nodded silently, trying to remember. The feeling she recalled first, a sense of an ending summer bringing only more chaos to her life than ever. It was funny how things had worked out.
--�Over the rooftops a plane in the sky / beat of a bass drum cars passing me by / Under a bridge dark then back into light / a river of raincoats and a forest of faces��
� After we crashed your truck, we stayed the night in that cabin in the woods.� He said quietly, � And when the morning came��
� I found you sitting outside.� She continued for him, her voice soft as the details came flooding back. � And you looked over at me before motioning for me to be quiet. I looked at where you were pointing at��
� And there was a fawn there.� He said, feeling as though the moment somehow obliged him to lower his voice to a whisper, � I moved over so you could sit on my chair��
�� because there was only one chair.� She leaned toward him, just a little. � I remember. We talked about your scholarship.�
--�Yeah� hope I�ll never wake / when I�m thinking about you / Yeah, hope I�ll never wake / cos now I�m thinking about you��
� I was so worried and trying to make the situation lighter for both of us.� He recounted, lowering his eyes. � I asked you,�
��Are we two of the most pathetic people ever?�� She finished with a small smile, moving closer.
He lifted his eyes, and after a pause whispered, � You said no, and then you laughed and said��
� Okay, maybe�� she murmured, leaning towards him, � Then I leaned forward and kissed you��
His lips met hers, and for a moment there was no more words. The kiss was warm and nostalgic, their lips moving tentatively against each other, savouring the familiar feeling regained. It felt like coming home.
--�Two-minute hailstorm then melts into rain / Oh, sing me a rainbow it�s sunny again / Swallows overhead while the traffic snarls below / Could I, could I keep dreaming for a little while longer?�
They parted slightly, and Bella murmured against Will�s lips, her eyes still closed, � �on the cheek.�
He opened his eyes with a small chuckle, � This isn�t a play-by-play re-enactment, you know.�
She laughed quietly, and reached down to take his hands, � I know.�
He squeezed her fingers lightly, resting his forehead against hers, � Bella?�
� Yeah?� She whispered back.
� Does this mean we�re not on a break anymore?� He asked.
--�When you�re searching your soul / When you�re searching for pleasure / How often, pain is all you find / but when you�re coasting along and nobody�s trying too hard / you can turn around and like where you are��
She was silent for a second, � Is that what you want?�
He pulled back so that he could look her properly in the eye, � Is it what you want?�
She lowered her lashes, staring down at their joined hands.
� I miss you, Will.� She said simply.
" Yeah, " he offered a small smile and replied, � I miss you too.�
� So� I guess this means�� she trailed off.
He took one hand away from her grasp, only to brush his fingers across her temple and sweep loose tendrils of hair away from her face.
" I'm sorry for how I acted earlier, just discarding you like I did everything else." He whispered, the hurried memories of frantic, overworked days interlaced with all-too-short moments of fitful rest still sharp on his mind. " You deserve better than that."
She looked up, and he leaned in, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke, � I want us to have another try at this, Bella.�
She nodded, but her reply was lost as he pulled her into his touch, and kissed the words away.
--�Yeah, and I hope I never wake / when I�m thinking about you / And I close my eyes, dear / now I�ll never, never wake / Why should I stop thinking about you��
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy, rooftop
Ryder leaned against the low wall of the balcony, resting his elbows on the cold stone, long fingers steepled over the ledge. His gaze blank, he looked out over campus, ignoring the meteor shower overhead with the carelessness of someone who simply had too much else to think about.
The rooftop door suddenly opened behind him, and he turned to see a dark figure standing in the doorway. Another meteor shot across the sky, casting for a moment a faint ethereal light over Josh's face before it faded away.
" Oh, sorry." Josh was startled that someone else was up here at this time and even more surprised that it was Ryder, of all people. His gaze flickered over the blond boy for a moment, as though in silent debate, and then he backed away, beginning to close the door on himself.
" Wait," the words were out of Ryder's mouth before he even realised that they were, " why don't you, um�" he cleared his throat, looking surprised with himself, " �stay?"
The door, already half-closed, opened again slowly. Josh peered out from within, " You don't mind?"
Ryder shook his head and turned again, staring at the lake shimmering in the distance. Behind him he heard the door close softly, and Josh's quiet footsteps approach.
" I thought no one would be up here at this time." Josh confessed, placing both hands on the balcony wall and looking down. He had placed himself a few feet away from Ryder, still wary.
" Well, me neither." Ryder replied, self-consciously criss-crossing his fingers. After a pause he added, " I like it up here."
" Me too." Josh nodded, " And I'd be up here much more often if I wasn't so afraid of, um, interrupting other people. It's just a shame that�"
" It's the official make-out spot for the Rawley kids, yeah." Ryder finished for him with a soft chuckle. " I know what you mean."
Josh laughed quietly, and watched as yet another meteor soared above their heads. " Beautiful, isn't it?" He asked.
" I don't like meteors." Ryder didn't take his eyes off the lake, " I don't think beauty should belong to something so ephemeral."
" But the most beautiful things often are." Josh stared up at the sky, " Their weakness makes them beautiful."
A moment of silence, and Ryder replied, " I don't see it that way."
Josh tucked a strand of hair behind his ear, not knowing what to say.
" I guess that's why I find very few beautiful things in this world." Ryder finished in a low voice.
* * *
Rawley Lake
Scout and Faye sat leaning against the tree trunk, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.
� Scout,� she began, and he glanced at her, � Yeah?�
She paused, staring down at the cup of steaming coffee that nestled in her hands.
� What is it?� He asked with a little concern, shifting so that he could look at her more easily.
She looked up at him, her eyes shining, � Thank you.�
He was surprised. � Thank me? What for?�
She bit her lip, holding his gaze, � For making me� making me feel.�
He smiled in a bemused way, clearly not understanding.
� I�ve never really told you certain parts� of my life.� She sighed. � It�s not like I�m deliberately keeping anything a secret, but I�m just not very comfortable discussing some things.� She stopped, then elaborated, � Some of the things in my past.�
He nodded slowly, a little apprehensive at where this conversation was heading. Nevertheless he reached out, and touched her left forearm gingerly, pulling up her sleeve a couple of inches and revealing the skin below.
The white flesh was lined with faint red slash marks, running from her wrist and up to where the rest of her arm lay concealed by her sleeve. But Scout knew that those marks continued all the way up to nearly the crook of her elbow. Being Faye, she didn�t ever bother to try to hide those marks, they were simply another part of who she was� just not a part that she divulged in others very often.
� Things like this?� He asked quietly.
She nodded in silence.
He tilted his head so that his lips brushed against her cheekbone, light as gossamer. � You know you can tell me anything.�
She closed her eyes and nodded. His embrace tightened slightly, and she shifted toward him, leaning her cheek against his shoulder.
� I won�t tell you everything,� she murmured, � just what I need you to know.�
" Not everything?" He asked.
" There are some things I'd like to keep to myself." She simply said.
He nodded, � Okay.�
She inhaled lightly, then released a soft sigh, � I had my heart broken, once.� A pause, and she blinked, � Um, it was an intense period of my life, and I'm not at all comfortable talking about it. Let's just say a lot of things happened in a very short amount of time, and it messed with my mind more than I ever thought possible."
He smiled wryly, " I think I can relate."
" That�s why I'm telling you this," she replied, " because I think you'll be able to understand."
" I do." He told her.
" That relationship screwed me up enough to actually believe that I�ll never feel like that again, ever.� She continued, " You know that feeling."
He nodded again, silent with retrospection.
" But as far as I can see, where you differ from me is where you never tried to consciously rid yourself of the pain." She glanced at him, " I told you once, the ways we deal with things like this are different."
" Yeah, I remember." He answered.
" Well, the way I tried to deal with it was to bleed the pain out - literally." Her voice hardened slightly at the memory, but she kept talking, " I was cutting myself. That pain was good for a while, because it made you stop thinking about the other pain. The broken heart, the feeling of being suffocated."
" God, Faye�" he started to say, but she lifted a finger to his lips, her eyes pleading with him not to interrupt. Therefore he kept his silence, and waited for her to continue.
" I stopped after a while," she said, " I was on the edge of addiction and I could see it too, that I was becoming way too dependent on a razorblade to get through the mess that was my life. So I stopped, and I cried a lot, and I smashed things, and eventually it all kind of went away."
" You mean the pain?" He asked.
She looked away. " The pain, the loneliness, the tears, the feeling of being happy, being angry� it all went away in the end."
He was still trying to process this when she turned back to him, her eyes bright in the dim light, " I was still walking and talking and breathing, but there was nothing left in me."
He tried to smile reassuringly, " It can't have been that bad."
She glanced at him and shrugged lightly, " In hindsight I must've been doing a lot of those things to myself - It wasn't as though I couldn't feel, I just didn't let myself. Even after I had come to Rawley, I used to wake up every morning, and wonder why I didn�t feel quite�� she watched his reaction as she remarked, �� human.�
His brows furrowed slightly, but he nodded for her to go on.
� And I was fine with it,� she mused with a slight smile, � I mean, I watched Ryder do this all his life, you know? He honestly doesn�t let anyone through to him, ever."
" I wouldn't say that." Scout commented mildly.
" Well, during certain stages of his life, then." She rephrased with a small smile. " After Josh left England, my brother became the arrogant bastard that you all know and loathe. That went on for quite a few years� and even though he's slightly nicer now I wouldn�t say he's changed, exactly."
" The trick is to only go into Ryder's company when accompanied by Josh." Scout decided to share his new findings, " It gives you immunity to the nastiness."
She laughed, " I guess it does." Her tone changing again, she picked up her previous train of thought, " Well, I'm just saying I watched Ryder being heartless and emotionless for a few years, and he seemed to be doing fine for himself. So I thought I could do it too.�
Shaking her head, she confessed, � I didn�t want to relive it again, Scout. The feeling of totally giving yourself to somebody only to be completely ripped apart? I didn�t want to do that anymore.�
" When you came along, I was relieved more than anything else." She murmured. � You seemed like such a safe choice - you were so in love with Bella and that was my safety shield. I thought that, if I had to hang out with somebody it might as well be you, because it looked like we could honestly have a proper friendship without it ever having to go further.�
" So that's why you became friends with me in the first place." He grinned, " Because I was a 'safe' choice?"
" Also, you seemed lonely." She pointed out, " And so was I."
He fell silent. It was true, ever since they had gotten back for the fall it had always seemed like he was the odd one out, stuck in between Hamilton and Jake and Will and Bella, even before the latter two had officially become a couple. It was a precarious place to stand, lost amongst crowds yet very much alone.
� I don�t know how you did it," she smiled, " you should have seen yourself after you found out about Bella and Will being together. You looked as though you were scattering bleeding fragments of your heart all over the place."
He had to chuckle, " Lovely imagery there, Faye."
" Thank you." She continued without missing a beat, " Well, you were. I mean, you should�ve reminded me exactly why I shouldn�t do this all over again, why I should just stay passive and away from all this relationship crap, but it just didn�t work out that way. Ever since we got back from winter break, I knew I was fighting a losing battle. Somehow you managed to�� she trailed off.
He waited, but she had stopped. � What did I manage to do?� He asked, knowing faintly what the answer might entail but wanting to hear for himself.
She skirted around his question and instead asked, � Do you remember the luncheon on Valentine�s Day?�
� Sure.� He smiled against her temple, recalling row upon row of tressel tables, covered with pristine white tablecloths and adorned with miniature red roses.
� You bought me a rose that day.� She said simply, � Before anything had really happened between us.�
� I remember.� He nodded, � I was embarrassed because I totally didn�t know how you were going to react. It seemed like a really bold thing to do.�
� Bold, yes.� She straightened a little and looked him in the eye, � But the moment you gave it to me was the moment I realised,� she grinned bashfully, � that I was over. Completely finished. I just didn�t want to believe it."
" You make me sound like a mass murderer," he pretended to grumble, " or maybe James Bond?"
She laughed and hit him on the arm, " Do you want to hear the rest of my declaration or are you just going to go off on nonsensical tangents until I fully forget what I'm trying to say?"
" You had a declaration planned?" He raised an eyebrow.
She hit him again. " This is it, you idiot."
" In that case," he couldn't help laughing, catching her hand in his own before she could work up to a third punch, " please proceed."
" Where was I?" She wondered before attempting to start her 'declaration' again, " I guess after that point everything else just happened in a blur. I knew what I wanted, I just didn't know if I was capable of acting on it. In the end though, it seemed like there was this irrefutable truth I realised that day� "
" � And everything afterwards just seemed to take its predestined course.� He suddenly finished for her. She turned to him, a little surprised. She was surprised further as she saw his expression, something burning fervently in his eyes.
But whatever she had to say was drowned out by the abrupt and hurried statement that he uttered, as though he really couldn't wait another moment and the words were flowing out from somewhere more intimate than the calculating mind, yet clearer than the confusion of the heart.
" I love you, Faye."
She didn't get a chance to answer before he kissed her, thoroughly and carefully, making her realise that yes, he did know what she was trying to say and he knew too, that this was a long time in coming.
He said he loved her.
She braced her arms around him and kissed him back, her heart thudding painfully against her ribs with equal amounts adrenaline and relief.
There was a conflict that lived within her, the deeply ingrained urgings of not feeling and the newer sensations of falling in love with somebody� again. She fought a continuous battle with herself, and all this time she had been working up to say those three tiny words to him and she hadn't ever managed, but he saw that and said it to her first, and asked for nothing in return.
It touched her, that he showed her through this kiss that he didn't need an answer.
Do you love me the same way you loved Bella? She wanted to ask, but she stopped herself and instead simply gave into the kiss, letting the feel of him take her over.
There are always very human tendencies to compare love with love, to talk of love and then demand love in return, when there was really no need. After all, it was just a feeling, indeterminable, its evanescence or immortality simply a reflection in ourselves.
Part 6
Rawley Boys' Academy, rooftop
" So where are you going over the summer?" Ryder asked Josh, handing him a cigarette.
" Boston." Josh shook his head at the offer, " The band has a few gigs lined up there." Smiling, he added, " Summer's when we do most of our self-promotion."
Watching Ryder, who shrugged and lit up for himself, he asked, " You?"
Ryder exhaled, tasting the familiar tang of the smoke on the tip of his tongue. " I'm going back to England for a few weeks."
Josh bit his lower lip, " Oh."
" Is there�" Ryder frowned and absently waved his burning match until the small flame was extinguished, " Um, I mean, do you want me to say anything to�"
" To who?" Josh turned his eyes on Ryder, his gaze suddenly piercing.
" Brett, Alyssa, your mum�" Ryder looked away, flicking the remains of the match over the balcony, " You know, your family."
" Ryder," Josh stared at him, " Those people you mentioned? They don�t want to know me, they don�t want to be related to me."
His voice dropped, " They�re just strangers. I don't have a family."
Ryder fought the urge to clench his hands together. The way that Josh chose to say this - quietly, as though in a confidential whisper - was beyond ironic, and they both knew that it was intentional.
Even though he had turned away, he could still feel Josh's gaze burning into him, maybe accusing, maybe defiant, maybe just sad.
Another cluster of meteors shot overhead, but this time neither of them looked up.
Ryder looked down at the ground, dark lashes casting even darker shadows onto his eyes, which were a stormy grey in the half-light.
His voice was so quiet that it was hard to discern what he was saying.
" I'm sorry."
Josh kept staring at him, both unassuming and full of challenge.
And as he stared, something seemed to change in Ryder, a crack in his exterior, maybe� or maybe it was internal.
Ryder turned to face Josh, and looked him in the eye. The shadows shifted as he turned, the grey in his eyes giving way to troubled blue.
" I'm sorry." He said again, louder and clearer.
Josh kept looking at him, and Ryder gazed back, trying not to flinch under the scrutiny. A moment later, Josh lowered his eyes.
" Apology accepted." He said quietly.
Ryder wasn't prepared for that. " What?"
Josh looked up again, a small smile lighting up his eyes, " I forgive you."
Ryder gaped in speechless disbelief.
" But�" his voice seemed to have come from a long distance away, sounding somehow distorted.
The smile on Josh's face was heartbreakingly pretty, " Would you rather not be forgiven, Ryder?"
Ryder gazed at him in wonder. Josh shrugged self-consciously, turning away to look out over the quad.
" So� that's it." Ryder couldn't get his head around the facts, It seemed way too simple. " Just like that."
Josh tilted his head and glanced at him, a teasing glimmer in his turquoise eyes, " I'll be your friend again if you'll be mine."
In shock, Ryder laughed softly and turned back to the balcony wall, taking a deep drag on his cigarette.
" Why?" He finally managed to ask. " Why are you doing this when you don't have to?"
Josh swallowed and looked down over the quad, choosing not to answer for a moment.
When he did, his voice was so soft that it seemed to melt into the darkness that surrounded them.
" Because I miss you."
Ryder�s first instinct was to turn sharply in the other boy�s direction and maybe work out what exactly he meant by saying something as ambiguous as that. But he stood as though frozen, his limbs and indeed entire body suddenly failing his head�s demands. As it turned out, Josh�s next words cleared up whatever doubts that Ryder didn�t really want to think about in too much detail - not yet. Maybe not ever.
� I miss having you as a friend.� Josh said quietly, � I miss all the time that Faye and you and I spent together.�
Ryder looked down, trying to keep his face expressionless.
� I miss the three of us taking the piss out of our parents�� Josh continued, and Ryder couldn�t help but smile faintly. Josh glanced at him with a lopsided grin, adding, � And I miss growing up together with you."
The silence that ensued was contemplative, yet strangely unsettling. It was as though they were both waiting, though neither really knew what was demanded of them at that moment, neither knew what to do next.
Finally Ryder looked at Josh, and said, " I�m not a great believer in second chances. But I would like our friendship to have one.�
Josh stared at him, his eyes shining in the dark.
Ryder breathed out, and said, � We're not done growing yet."
Josh turned away abruptly, closing his eyes. In the darkness Ryder watched his pale throat working and turned away hastily, gazing at the tip of his cigarette as though it was some sort of haven, away from emotion, away from uncertainty.
It couldn�t have been much time before Josh pulled himself together again from this brief lapse in composure, but for Ryder it was too long. Josh�s exposed fragility left too much thinking room in the silence, and lately he had grown more and more frightened of his own thoughts.
Josh turned around, a smile regained. " So, um, do we hug or something?"
" No." Ryder replied quickly, looking alarmed.
Josh grinned, taking no offence from it. " Fair enough."
� I didn�t mean to sound�� Ryder tried to add, surprised that he was actually bothering to explain his actions. He never did - hurting people both intentionally and unintentionally was one of the delightful things that he based his life around.
But not when it came to Josh. Never.
And no sooner had that thought dashed into his head did he push it away, both angry and scared of whatever else that it might have brought.
� I know.� Josh simply said, suddenly catching sight of two small figures on the distant edge of the quad, holding each other close in a still embrace.
Ryder saw his roving gaze stop, and followed his eyes. It was Jake and Hamilton, entangled in each other�s arms. He could not help making a face and quickly took a long drag on his cigarette to stop himself from saying something that he knew was best left unsaid in the presence of Josh.
Josh didn�t look at him, but warned, � Don�t say anything.�
� Wasn�t going to.� Ryder replied nonchalantly, taking another puff.
Josh glanced at him and grinned. Ryder looked back, his disdainful expression gradually melting into a smile.
Suddenly the air between them felt lighter again, and warm, and familiar. Like childhood.
* * *
The quad
� Jake.� Hamilton murmured, his voice muffled in Jake�s dark hair.
She returned with a drowsy 'Mmm?', her eyes closed.
*Landing Gear�s �Atmosphere� starts playing*
� How long have we been standing here?� He asked, tightening his arms around her waist.
She laughed softly, � I don�t know, but I can�t feel my legs.�
He chuckled, turning his head so that he could kiss her temple, � You want to, um, go sit down or something?�
She glanced up at him, her hazel eyes made golden in the light of the lamps around them, � Not really.�
He smiled, brushing his lips against her cheek, savouring the feel of her smooth skin. � Me neither.�
--�Open the door, on the atmosphere / Let the breath out, you�ve been holding it for years / And if you get a spell of dizziness / Oxygen mask in time of your distress��
* * *
Bella�s Gas Station
Bella kissed Will with an intensity that she didn�t know that she possessed. It was as though something had been let out of her, all of a sudden. Something remembered that was once lost in all those tedious months of being somebody�s girlfriend instead of Bella, just Bella.
She had to take a step away from all this to figure things out, maybe see where she stood without him, without needing him, without waiting for him to tell her who she was. And maybe she hadn�t really worked that out at all, but she didn�t care. It was as though a great cloud had suddenly been lifted over her head, and she was free from all the obstacles that had barred her for those months� sometimes, life wasn�t meant to be analysed or scrutinized, it was just meant to be lived.
And there was never any point for wanting to figure out where she and Will really stood in all this, whether they were really in love as they were before, or whether habit had long taken over their relationship� none of that was really that important, not now.
Now, she just wanted to feel. And this was a second chance, or in other words, a new beginning.
--�And if I say too much, dear / just let it drift away / And if I stray too far from here / just let me drift away, drift away, drift away��
She suddenly realised that she wasn�t in his arms because she needed to, but because she wanted to.
For the time being, this was where she was most content. No one could�ve asked for more.
He drew back from the fervent kiss, breathless. � You okay?� He whispered, smoothing her hair away from her face.
She smiled.
Yeah, she really was.
* * *
Rawley Boys� Academy, rooftop
--�Take a poke, at the atmosphere / Saw you swinging and fighting back the tears / and if you find some kind of wherewithal / Reach around here, we�ll break each other�s fall��
Ryder lit up another cigarette, and again offered the pack to Josh. The dark-haired boy glanced at him, raising an eyebrow.
Ryder shrugged, � Sex, drugs and rock�n�roll, but you can�t handle a fag?�
Josh stared at him for a moment before bursting out laughing. Ryder stared back, nonplussed for a moment before he realised what he had said and his eyes widened, not knowing whether he should laugh or groan in embarrassment.
� Shouldn�t I be the one saying that to you?� Josh teased, doubled up in laughter.
Ryder couldn�t help but chuckle along, throwing his head back and staring up at the sky, � God, I can�t believe I just said that.� Looking down again, his eyes had only met with Josh�s before both of them cracked up, their laughter ringing out in the darkness.
Irony really was a funny thing sometimes. Carelessly delivered but without malice, it could well prove to be the best cure for broken hearts and fractured lives. For something this wry and crushing to serve that purpose, maybe that was the biggest irony of all.
* * *
Rawley Lake
Scout couldn�t really remember how long it had been since they first settled down on this picnic blanket. Faye, despite the coffee that she had drunk all through the night, had somehow managed to doze off on his shoulder, her hair falling over her face in messy strands. The meteor shower had stopped hours ago, that was all he knew. But then, meteors weren�t really good time-keepers, last time he checked.
He would have looked at his watch, but his arm was wrapped around Faye, and he didn�t want to upset her sleep. She didn�t need to wake before sunrise. Sleep never came easily to her, and he wasn�t going to rob her of it if he could help it.
*Will's voiceover starts*
'I once heard someone say, "This life is a dry run". I always thought it was an obvious remark and it seemed an instinctive truth on many levels. I don't know if I believe that anymore.
Maybe the act of making a film does reflect our lives more than we give it credit for. From a distance it seems that a lot of scenarios are repeated in the course of our lives, giving us a chance to regroup, refocus, and make sure that the Second Take is better than the first time round. We won't always get that, and we can't promise we won't mess up Take Two even more than we did before, but at least we're trying.
So even though we've been through our share of pointless wandering and unwanted pain, we manage to, in the end, all get another chance at something. Friendship, trust, discovery� and love. Let's hope it turns out better, this time round.'
--�And if I say too much dear / just let it drift away / And if I stray too far from here / just let me drift away, drift away, drift away��
Scout watched as a ray of sunlight suddenly broke across the surface of the water, bright as any given day. � Faye,� he murmured, nudging her, � wake up. The sun�s rising.�
She mumbled something, then jerked awake, � What?�
He laughed, kissing her quickly, � Look.�
She turned in the direction of the lake, in time to see that single ray of light widen into a strip as the sun ascended quickly, looking as though it was climbing out of the water. The lake glittered alternating gold and shadows, and in mere moments the glare grew so bright that they had to shield their eyes.
� You think this is romantic?� He asked dubiously, squinting.
� No,� she smiled, turning to him, � but it�s still beautiful.�
He returned that smile, watching her in the new morning's light. She looked sleepy and ruffled and a little dazed, just like the first time she had woken up next to him - vulnerable, but for once not caring.
" Scout," she said quietly.
" Yeah?"
" I love you too."
And then she kissed him, and he forgot all about watching the sunrise, because in his eyes she could always glow warmer and more golden than sunlight, and they were in love.
So he simply kissed her back, while the sun broke free from the lake, burning its early radiance into the world.
--�And if I say too much dear / just let it drift away / And if I stray too far from here / just let me drift away, drift away, drift away��
