Author's note: Sorry about all the swearing! My bad. Title taken from the Cranberries' 'Ode to my Family'.
Part 1
It was early evening. The lake rippled quietly under the night that settled over New Rawley like indigo gauze, pinpricks of starlight peeking from the heavens.
The prestigious Rawley Academies stood on either side of the lake, identical buildings shaped from grey stone. Squares of light emitted from the windows that lined the walls, illuminating the buildings from within. Occasionally shadows would saunter past the sprawling lawns, students on their way from the dorms to the dining hall or vice versa; but for the most part, the scene was still. Tranquil. Just another night at Rawley.
Scout and Will's Room
The room was dark, mostly. The interior of the glass terrarium that housed George the tortoise was however dimly aglow with UV lighting, and George was wandering around in there with lethargy. A soft giggle emitted from a corner of the room. The tortoise, as though he had heard it and felt curious, turned his head.
Scout Calhoun was sitting on his bed, his back wedged against the window ledge. That position would've been uncomfortable at times, but he was hardly in a state to worry about that, since he was too busy kissing Faye Archer. She was half-perched in his lap, her arms wound around his neck. The giggle had come from her, as she pulled away long enough to say, " If I knew I was missing out on this, I would've forced you to get over Bella a long time ago."
He laughed, pulling her back towards him as their lips met again. She shifted in his lap, wrapping an arm around his waist and pressing up against him. He groaned, moving sideways so that the window ledge was no longer perpetually poking into his back.
She stopped and looked at him, " Are you all right?"
" Yeah, it's just that�" He smiled, pointing to the ledge, " Ow."
She laughed, running a hand across his back, " Did it hurt?"
He pouted, " Yes."
She laughed, " Poor baby." Leaning closer, she rubbed her hand over his spine, her breath tickling his ear, " Better?"
He sighed with contentment, " Much better, thank you." Kissing her neck softly, he murmured, " Now if we could just get back to what we were doing�"
" When's Will coming back?" She placed a hand on his chest, pushing him away as she twisted around and looked at the door. � It's getting late. Maybe I should go.�
" Not yet," He ran a hand lightly up her arm, across the back of her shoulders and promptly held her in his grasp once more. " He's not coming back for a while. He's having dinner at his mom's."
" That's good then." She grinned, reaching up to kiss him again.
* * *
New Rawley
The town's streets were quiet, the only sound breaking the silence was the whirring of bicycle wheels as Will Krudski rode down a dark side street, heading towards his house.
*Will's voiceover starts*
'Families are tricky things to categorise and understand. You're stuck with them from the moment that you are born, and they play a major role in helping to shape the course of your life. More often than not, it's your family that makes you who you are. Maybe it's because of what I had grown up with, I can't help but think that dysfunctional is a way of life for many of us. The thought of it is disturbing, that something you have hardly any control over can influence you more than you could comprehend.'
He had not been home for a while, and he missed his mom. She was the only thing that he had missed since he had gone to Rawley, fighting hard for a chance to escape home life and in particular, his father. In fact, he was only going to his own house for dinner tonight because his mother had informed him that his father would be out.
It wasn't as though Will hated his dad. No, hate wasn't the word. A strange sort of pity mixed with fear, maybe. After all, Brian Krudski was quick with his fist, hence the fear. But Will was also aware that, deep down, his father was afraid of him. Yeah, that's right, afraid of Will, his own son. Will knew that he represented something that his father was never going to be able to tap into, much less understand, and it made the man bitter.
Therefore, avoiding each other at all costs seemed to be a wise thing to do. He didn't get on his father's nerves and his father's insecurities didn't get a chance to get on his own.
The only adverse effect from all this avoidance, he mused as he pulled to a stop in front of his house, was of course where it left his mother. Husband, son; son, husband. Susan Krudski didn't have it easy, and Will wished that there were something that he could do to make it better for her. But short of total compromise with his dad - which was not going to happen - he could see no other way to make the situation any easier for her to bear.
He let himself into the house, blinking against the sudden light. " Mom?" He called, � I�m home!� He hadn't been home for a while, but the house looked totally unchanged. Looking forward to catching up with his mother without the sullen figure of his dad hanging around, he smiled at the familiar surroundings and walked into the kitchen.
The smile froze on his face as he took in his surroundings.
The dinner table was overturned, taking down with it a couple of chairs, their legs sticking haphazardly up in the air. Crowding the linoleum floor, amidst pieces of plates that had broken when the table was pushed over, his mother's prized crystal vase was also shattered, fresh-picked flowers spilling out from the sparkling shards.
It was only after the initial shock that he noticed his mother sitting numbly to one side, leaning against the oven, her legs drawn up to her chest. She held in one hand a damp dishtowel, pressing it to the top of her cheekbone, just below her left eye. A dark purple bruise was already beginning to show up on her pallid skin.
Her auburn hair next to that pale face was almost mocking, the way the bright colour jumped out at the beholder, so cheerful and vibrant.
" Mom?" Will whispered, his voice catching in his throat.
Part 2 - Theme song and opening credits
Will's house
" Oh god, mom, what happened?" Will exclaimed, rushing forward.
Susan looked up at him, forcing a smile, " Will, hey. Um�" She looked hopelessly at the scene around her, trying to minimise the situation, " We had a little accident in here�" She started meekly.
Will knelt down in front of her and took the dishtowel away from her face, grimacing as he saw the ugly bruise, � Are you all right?�
� I�m fine.� She struggled to her feet, � Really. It�s not as bad as it looks.�
He also stood up, shaking his head with disbelief, � I can�t believe this. God, what did he do to you?�
� It was just an accident.� She tried to laugh it off.
" Mom, I'm not five anymore.� He whispered, � This wasn't an accident, and you know it."
" It was just�" Susan repeated, walking down the hall and heading for the bathroom, " He was just a little angry because I forgot to tape his favourite show on TV, it's no big deal, really�"
" A TV show?" He exclaimed, following her closely, � You�re still making excuses for him even though he did this over a TV show?�
She switched the bathroom lights on, inducing a sudden shower of fluorescent light that made both of them wince. " I'm not making excuses." She scrutinised the bruise in the mirror, trying to look nonchalant.
He stood in the doorway with his fists clenched. " How can you still defend him?" He asked incredulously, " Look at what he's done to you!"
" He didn't mean to," His mother hurried to answer, " He just got a bit carried away, that's all�"
" MOM!" He exploded, slamming a fist down on the wooden panel of the doorway. " Wake up! It's a bruise this time, but what is it going to be the next time he hits you? What about the time after that? Do you really have to wait to find out?"
She looked at him in the mirror, " Will, you don't understand�"
" I understand perfectly!" he yelled, " It's not like it hadn't happened before! Mom, when are you going to realise that this is never going to stop?"
" It has stopped." She said stubbornly, turning to look him in the eye, " He promised that this time would be the last! He swore he's not going to drink anymore."
He stared at her, " You can't honestly be saying that you believe him."
" I do." She told him with her jaw set, " Have some faith in your own dad, Will."
" Not where you're concerned!" he exclaimed, " He's not going to change, you have to understand that! How many times has he told you that he was going to stop drinking?"
" Give him a second chance." She pleaded, " Everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt."
" That's the thing!" He shouted, " This isn't the second chance, mom, it's not even the third or the fourth or the fifth! He has had enough chances!"
She uttered a short nervous laugh and turned back to the mirror, " You don�t know what you're talking about."
" Where is he?" Will asked, looking back out the dark hallway. " Where did he go?"
She paused before speaking. " He had� something to do."
" You mean he just left." He interpreted flatly.
Susan was silent.
He stared at her for a moment before closing his eyes and murmuring, " It might be a good thing that he left. I don't know what I might do if he is home right now."
" Will�" She started to say, but he shook his head. " Don't, mom. Just don't."
She lapsed into silence once more, looking away from her son's tired expression and instead gazed at herself in the mirror.
The bruise seeped onto her fine white skin like plum wine on a new tablecloth, out of place and unforgiving.
" I'm staying home tonight." He suddenly claimed.
She looked up, refocusing so that their gazes met in the mirror.
" There's not way I'm going to leave you alone in the house right now." He continued, " If he comes home, you won't be the only one here who has to deal with him."
She said nothing, looking away.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy
Ryder Forrest rubbed a hand over his tired eyes as he stumbled toward Finn's classroom. He was unaccustomed to getting up this early, since he usually skipped first period. Going to class in the early morning was something of a novelty to him, and not a particularly good one at that.
He knew he was failing English, again, and his miserable attendance record didn't exactly help plead his case. At this rate, he knew he wasn't going to be able to graduate. However, he was fairly confident that this year would be different. Anything to get out of this hell-hole, really.
He smirked slightly, he actually amazed himself to realise what he could achieve had he put his mind to it.
In this case, it was graduation via hacking. Getting into the school's computer database was surprisingly easy, and altering his grade profile was a cinch.
He was careful, however, and didn't want to attract attention to himself by changing his grades all at once. He had planned out a gradual system with which he would subtly alter all his grades bit by bit, until he got just enough to pass. That plan was going well too, until the Dean made an announcement that somewhere along the way, his tracks got uncovered. The administration didn't find out it was Ryder who was doing the hacking, not yet, but it was enough to put him off - for a few weeks, at least. There was still time to get back to the plan later.
He smirked again, it wasn't likely that a threatening PA announcement was to throw Ryder Forrest off something that he had planned out painstakingly. Hinder his progress, sure, but they sure as hell were not going to stop him from making his way out of this stupid little American Rich Brats' Nest, one way or another. He'll just have to be more careful from now on.
So he was giving the hacking a break for a couple of weeks, and thought that he should probably turn up to class now and again, just for appearance's sake.
He yawned widely, turning a corner in the halls. Someone walked straight into him, both of them exclaiming out loud with surprise as they collided.
" Watch where you're going, you wank�" Ryder started to say, trying to stifle another yawn. He stopped abruptly however, when the person's surprised "sorry!" registered, the voice instantly recognisable. Blinking, he tried to place his drowsy vision in focus.
Josh Sutherland stood staring at him, a hand held up to his nose, which had bumped into his shoulder.
Ryder swallowed, suddenly wide-awake. " Hey."
" Hi." Josh replied, his blue-green eyes darting over Ryder's features nervously.
Scout turned the corner, his arms laden down with books. Seeing Josh standing there, he was about to acknowledge him before noticing Ryder there as well.
The two of them stood staring at each other, unmoving. It seemed that they weren�t even sure if the other was real� just an early-morning hallucination, perhaps. God, the day was too young for nostalgia� or regrets.
Scout raised an eyebrow, slowing his steps.
Snapping out of his daze, Josh shook his head suddenly, pushing past Ryder, " Excuse me," he said in a low voice, " I have to� get to class."
Ryder blinked, his expression pained as he turned to watch Josh's quick disappearance down the halls. Turning back, he noticed that Scout was staring. He scowled at the shorter guy, " What are you looking at, Calhoun?"
Scout opened his mouth to reply, then thought better of it. Shaking his head, he walked past Ryder and disappeared into the classroom.
Ryder, preoccupied, could not help turning his head again, watching the direction in which Josh had quickly gone. Suddenly realising what he was doing, he frowned at himself impatiently, turning to follow Scout into Finn�s classroom.
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
Bella Banks stood outside of the shop, craning her neck in the direction of the Academy to see if Will was walking up Main Street. Ever since fall semester he had always made time in the early morning to come and see her for breakfast, and it had become something of a tradition for the two of them.
Yet something was wrong today. The minutes were flying by and it was getting very close to the time when she herself needed to leave for school, yet he still did not show. She paced up and down the shop's steps, agitated. It wasn't like Will to not have called her if he wasn�t going to make it.
She turned when she heard someone call her name, and saw Will pedalling furiously on his bike, coming not from the direction of the Academy but from the other side of town. He pulled to an abrupt stop in front of her, panting, " Sorry, sorry, I spent the night at my house and then overslept and I'm late for class and I really have to go back to school and I'm really sorry I missed breakfast and I'm sorry I didn't call and we'll catch up later okay?"
She laughed at how flustered he was, " Whoa, okay."
" Good, right, see you." He gasped out, kissing her hastily and starting to ride away.
She called after him, " Why did you spend the night at home?"
He turned slightly, sticking out one foot on the ground to balance himself. " I don't really want to talk about it now, okay?" He sighed heavily, " I'll come by after school."
" Okay." She replied uncertainly, watching him pedal off in the direction of Rawley.
* * *
Finn's classroom
" Whose turn is it to read?" Finn asked, referring to the copy of 'Death of a Salesman' that he held in his hand. It was their new piece of literature to be studied for English, and the class had been taking turns reading the play out loud.
� I can�t believe you�re still making us do work now, Finn.� Ryan Parker groaned.
" Yes, yes." Finn sighed, " I know. Midterms are over, spring break starts tomorrow, we must be the only class who's still doing work et cetera, believe me, I've heard it already. Ad infinitum." He couldn�t help stressing.
" And there�s good reason for that." Ryan muttered, the class murmuring their agreements with him.
� You need to study this play in depth for finals.� Finn replied, � We really can�t afford to lose any time, we're behind schedule as it is.�
� But we just had exams, don�t we deserve a break?� Ryan moaned.
� Yes, it�s adequately named �Spring Break�, and it starts tomorrow.� Finn said pointedly, � Can we please get back to the topic at hand? Who is reading today?�
A few people raised their hands, including Jake Pratt and Hamilton Fleming. Finn surveyed them briefly, " You know which parts you're reading for. All right, let's get on with it."
The class quietened down, resigned to the fact that Finn wasn't going to give in. Still, only one more school day to go before a two-week holiday, and that was certainly a cheerful thought, enough to get them through the rest of the period without complaint.
" Why didn't you answer?" Hamilton started, reading the part of Biff Loman.
" Biff!" Jake exclaimed, playing the part of Willy, Biff's father, " What are you doing in Boston?"
" Why didn't you answer!" Hamilton read, ' I've been knocking for five minutes, I called you on the phone�"
" I just heard you." Jake interrupted, " I was in the bathroom and had the door shut. Did anything happen home?"
" Dad - I let you down." Hamilton replied.
" What do you mean?" Jake asked.
" Dad�" Hamilton said again, trailing off into silence.
" Biffo," Jake tried hard not to laugh at the idiotic nickname and kept on reading, " what's this about?"
" Dad, I flunked math." Hamilton told her.
" Not for the term?" Jake asked.
" The term." Hamilton affirmed, " I haven't got enough credits to graduate."
Ryder, who had only been listening out of boredom, frowned slightly. Turning his eyes to the window, he looked out at the campus, vaguely aware of Finn's thoughtful gaze on him. He hid a scornful smile. The teacher must know that he didn't exactly plan on sticking around any longer than necessary.
Finn watched Ryder, and shook his head inwardly. He had been teaching the boy English for three years running now, and he didn't seem to be improving at all. It wasn't that he couldn't do well, he just didn't. Hearing Hamilton�s line only served to remind him that Ryder will definitely need to come in for summer session once again. Then again, given his attendance records and results during the summer, not only in English but in all other subjects, he wouldn't be surprised if Ryder had to stick around for another year altogether.
Jake and Hamilton were still reading, and Finn berated himself for being distracted. Hamilton had gotten further along the scene, and was now saying, " Yeah? What'd you do?"
" The thquare root of thixthy twee is�" Jake answered in a lisp as demanded by the playwright, stopping herself to laugh along with Hamilton, " And in the middle of it he walked in!"
Hamilton continued to laugh, listening to the hollow sound and feeling awkward to be one of the only two people laughing in the classroom. He exchanged an embarrassed smile with Jake and they laughed some more.
" Lena," Finn spoke up, " Read the stage directions. You're reading for the part of The Woman In Boston, aren't you? You're supposed to be laughing along offstage."
Lena Fletcher sighed, chuckling halfheartedly along with Jake and Hamilton.
" Hurry downstairs and�" Jake said abruptly.
" Somebody in there?" Hamilton interrupted her.
" No, that was next door." Jake replied, getting into character. Everyone else could hear the realistic panic she injected into her voice, and it left no doubt as to why she was cast as one of the major characters in Rawley's stage production. She had inherited her mother's acting genes, after all.
Lena, following the stage directions, carried on laughing, rolling her eyes at Ryan. He grinned sympathetically.
Hamilton exclaimed, " Somebody got in your bathroom!" He too was playing his part perfectly, acting confused with a hint of suspicion. It was seldom that major roles in the stage production were given to 10th graders, and it just came to show how good both he and Jake�s acting skills must�ve been to have gotten those parts.
" No, it's the next room, there's a party�" Jake started blabbering, playing Willy�s flustered state with flair.
" Can I come in?" Lena read, " There's something in the bathtub, Willy, and it's moving!"
Finn interrupted the reading to address the class directly, " Remember the woman is having an affair with Willy, and she just walked in from his bathroom, scantily dressed, while Biff was standing in the doorway. Biff is shocked, of course�"
Hamilton's head jerked up, eyes flashing angrily.
Finn's breath caught in his throat.
Jake looked up from her copy of the play, glancing at Hamilton, then at Finn. Almost immediately she caught onto the irony of the situation. Coughing loudly, she continued, " Ah - you better go back to your room. They must be finished painting by now. They're painting her room so I let her take a shower here. Go back, go back�"
Hamilton was still staring at Finn, hatred shining in his eyes. Finn gazed back long enough to become uncomfortable, then looked away.
" But I've got to get dressed, Willy." Lena read, " I can't�"
" Get out of here!" Jake exclaimed sharply, all the time while looking worriedly at Hamilton, " Go back, go back� This is Miss Francis, Biff, she's a buyer. They're painting her room�"
" Excuses�" Hamilton murmured under his breath. It was not part of the script, and only intended for Finn's ears.
Finn set his jaw, breathing out heavily.
" But my clothes, I can't go out naked in the hall!" Lena exclaimed. A few chuckles rang out from the guys sitting behind her, and she turned to give them a dirty look. The class laughed, unaware of the mounting tension between Hamilton and Finn, the two staring each other down.
" Get outa here! Go back! Go back!" Jake read, wondering if it was a good idea to touch Hamilton on the arm, to try to knock him out of this strange sort of confrontation with his mother's lover. Former.
But before she could do anything, Finn cleared his throat, jumping down from his seat on the desk and carefully avoiding Hamilton's eyes, " Okay, let's stop reading for now, guys. How about taking some notes down?"
* * *
The bell rang, signalling the end of English. Finn clapped chalk dust from his hands, " Ladies, I'll see you back here in two weeks' time; gentlemen," he addressed the crew team, " Don't forget practice starts in a week. Be there. Have a good break, everyone. "
The students streamed out of the classroom, Hamilton right at the front. Jake tried to catch up to him, but found herself being caught up in the surge of students squeezing into the corridors, a flood of people scurrying to their next class. She could only watch as Hamilton swept along on that human wave, walking off determinedly.
She sighed, making a mental note to talk to him later about the whole thing concerning Finn, himself, and his mother. The ordeal had been stretched out long enough, and she hated seeing him like this. But he remained obstinate, hardly relenting enough to talk to Finn or Kate Fleming, let alone reconcile with them in some way.
Hamilton kept his head down and walked to his next class, simmering inside. The irony of the day's English class rubbed him entirely the wrong way, the fact that he had to play yet again the son who found out about a parent's adultery. As if once wasn't enough. He thought bitterly.
He was so caught up in his thoughts that it took a while to register someone was calling his name. Turning sharply with a scowl on his face, he startled the Dean, who was tagging along behind him, trying to attract his attention. " Dad! What are you doing here?"
" Finally." Steve Fleming laughed, catching up with his son and the two of them walking side-by-side, " Do you know how many times I had to yell your name for you to hear?"
Hamilton shrugged, trying to look indifferent. His father noticed no abnormality and told him, " Come have dinner with us tonight."
" Why?" Hamilton asked immediately, " What are you doing on Sunday?"
Steve pretended to look hurt, " What, we can't even get you to come home anymore on weekdays?"
" I didn't mean that�" Hamilton tried to explain, but Steve cut him off, " We have something to discuss with you."
" I'm not in trouble, am I?" Hamilton asked suspiciously.
Steve checked his wristwatch, " We'll talk at dinner, okay? You know the time and the place. I'm sorry son, I've got a meeting to go to."
" But�" Hamilton trailed off as Steve strode on ahead, calling over his shoulder, " I'll see you at home tonight."
* * *
Edmund High
Bella was sitting in her trig class, quietly pondering over an exercise when the door opened, the principal�s secretary walking through. Her heels made sharp clicking noises on the classroom floor, and everyone looked up.
The secretary took no notice of the curious looks from the students, conferring quietly with the teacher for a minute before raising her voice, � Sean McGrail?
Sean, who sat next to Bella, raised a hand tentatively, � Here.�
� The principal would like to see you now.� She informed him, " You're excused from class."
Sean stood up uncertainly, gathering up his belongings and stuffing them in his backpack. The secretary nodded at him curtly and walked out.
� Looks like you�re in trouble, McGrail.� Someone from his football team teased in a whisper, and he chuckled, slapping the other guy on the shoulder, � Yeah, right.�
But as he looked down again, Bella could see that his expression was worried. Right before he left the room, he caught her gaze and gave her a small smile. She merely looked on, anxious.
Part 3
New Rawley
Bella and Sean walked down the street slowly, worn out after the long day at school. Sean was fiddling around with his watch, and didn�t say anything the entire way back into town, seeming to be very occupied with his thoughts. Bella tried to break the silence once or twice by asking, � So what did the principal talk to you about?� He had only shaken his head or shrugged, saying, � It�s nothing.� She thought it wise not to push the subject, though the subject was obviously larger than 'nothing' and she was worried.
As they neared the gas station, she could see Will sitting beside the gas pumps, looking agitated. He jumped up as they drew near, � Hey Bella, hey Sean.� He acknowledged the Townies, sticking his hands in his pockets.
� Hi.� Sean replied, and continued without missing a beat, � Look, I have to go, all right? Catch you guys later.�
� Sure.� Will nodded, too occupied with his own problems to notice Sean's elusive behavior, " See ya."
Bella watched Sean walk down the street, glancing at Will, " We hardly ever see him anymore."
" Yeah�" He replied distractedly.
She looked at him a little reproachfully and he noticed. " Sorry, I was�" He began, but changed the subject back to Sean, " I mean, he's definitely, um�"
" Drifting away from us." She sighed, " He's been hanging out with Ryder a lot."
� Yeah�� He sighed along.
She shook her head lightly, turning back to him. " So� what was up with you this morning?"
" I'm going to my house now to see my mom." He told her, getting onto his bicycle, " You want to come with me? I can tell you everything on the way."
" Sure." She walked into the shop and tossed her bag on the couch. Walking out again, she balanced herself carefully on the bike's handlebars, " Let's go."
* * *
Rawley Academy
The late afternoon was warm, the setting sun painting everything a lovely blazing orange. However, the campus was nearly deserted and the afternoon under-enjoyed, since many students had already left Rawley for spring break.
Beneath the big tree right in the middle of campus, Jake and Hamilton sat, leaning against the thick trunk. Occasionally they'd glance over to one side, where Faye was sitting on Scout's lap, the two of them too busy making out to really notice anything else going on around them.
" Do you two ever come up for air?" Jake mused, shaking her head.
Faye reached out to swat her on the arm, mumbling against Scout's lips, " Like you could talk."
Jake grinned, looking at Hamilton. Her smile faded a little as she saw the pensive expression on his face, " What's wrong?" She asked softly.
He shrugging, trying to smile lightly, " Just the usual."
She nodded, " The whole thing with your mom still�"
" Yeah." He answered quickly, " It's just so ironic, you know? Of all the scenes and all the parts that I could've read in that stupid play, I had to read that one."
She sighed, " When are you going to learn to forgive them, Hamilton?"
He glanced at her sharply, " You don't understand, Jake." He told her, keeping his voice down as not to alert Faye and Scout, though it seemed that the two of them were hardly fit for listening in of any kind. " What they've done� it's not something that you could just forgive."
" Everyone's allowed their faults," she told him, " You can't hold that one slip-up against them forever."
He set his jaw, and it seemed obvious that he was defying what she had said. She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder, resolving to have a good long talk with him later. Neither of them were going anywhere for spring break, and they should have plenty of time alone together. She hoped that she could convince him to go sort things out with Finn and Kate.
" Anyway, I better go." He said suddenly, looking at his watch, " Dad's expecting me home for dinner."
" But today's not Sunday." She replied, looking confused.
He shrugged, " He wanted me to be home today."
" Is anything wrong?" She asked, getting to her feet as he stood up, brushing himself off.
" I don't know." He kissed her quickly, " I'll see you later."
" Bye." She waved as he strode off in the direction of his house. Turning back, she rolled her eyes at Scout and Faye, who were still kissing, oblivious to the world.
* * *
Friendly's
Ryder strode into the diner, slinging his suede jacket over his shoulder. Spotting Sean sitting forlornly to one side, he walked over, " Hey."
" Ryder." Sean acknowledged him without looking up, mindlessly stirring an ice cream sundae, which had long since melted into creamy slush.
" You wanted to see me?" Ryder sat down on a high stool next to him, " What is it that you can't tell me on the phone?"
Sean stared at him, chewing on his lower lip.
Ryder raised an eyebrow, " What is it?"
" They caught me." Sean said in a whisper.
" Caught you what?" Ryder asked guardedly.
" Damn it, Ryder, the grades." Sean wanted to raise his voice but found that he couldn't, since the diner was packed full of people - students from Edmund High, among others. Standing up abruptly, he started to walk out, " Let's go somewhere less crowded."
Ryder jumped off the stool and followed him, careful to keep the anxiety off his face, " What do you mean?"
Sean pushed open the door and strode towards Ryder's car briskly, " The school found out that my grades have been changed, and they called me in."
Ryder grabbed him by the shoulder, " You didn't rat out on me, did you?"
" Of course not." Sean shrugged away from his grasp. Ryder turned off the car alarm and unlocked the door. Jumping inside, Sean continued, " But I'm suspended for a week while they talk about what to do with me."
Ryder slid into the driver's seat and started the engine, " You didn't tell them about me at all?"
Sean glared at him, " Did you hear what I said? I'm suspended, Ryder, and it's your fault!"
" Hey, don't blame me." Ryder made a U-turn on Main Street and stepped on the accelerator, " It was your choice to go along with it."
" But if you never brought the subject up in the first place�" Sean started to say, then sighed, " You know what? Forget it."
" You didn't tell them anything about me?" Ryder was fixated on that topic.
" No." Sean sighed, exasperated, " I said I was just playing around on a computer and came across the files by mistake."
" Like they're going to believe that one." Ryder sneered, driving the car toward Rawley.
" I'm screwed." Sean looked out the window, " I'm totally screwed this time."
Ryder glanced at him, " You'll get over it."
Sean felt an overwhelming urge to laugh in disbelief, " You really don't give a stuff about anything except yourself, do you?"
" Well what do you expect me to do?" Ryder retorted, " I can't click my fingers and make everything magically better, you know."
Sean sighed, " So what am I going to do now?"
Ryder shrugged, " Take the week off. Getting suspended isn't that big a deal."
" Easy for you to say." Sean replied sullenly.
* * *
Will's house
" Mom?" Will called uncertainly, stepping into the house. Bella trailed behind him, looking around. The kitchen had been cleaned up, the table and chairs upright once more. The only thing that was missing, of course, was the crystal vase of flowers that had always been a centrepiece in the otherwise unremarkable room. Having often been to Will's house before, Bella thought the vase's absence was quite noticeable. Without it, the house looked a lot more drab than usual.
" Hi baby!" Susan replied a little too cheerfully, looking up at them from what seemed to be a massive cupboard clean-out and wiping her hands on her apron. Upon seeing Bella she broke out into a grin, " Hi, Bella."
" Hi." Bella smiled, trying not to wince at the sight of the dark bruise on the woman's face.
" I've just baked some cookies, " Susan stood up, picking a heaped plate up from the kitchen counter, "Go on, have one."
Bella took a cookie, " Thank you."
" How are you?" Will asked, staring intently at his mother.
Susan grinned at him, " Why are you so worried about me? I'm fine."
The three of them walked out of the kitchen and into the adjoining lounge. Will looked around the house suspiciously, " He hadn't come back yet?"
Susan's smile looked a little strained as she put the cookie plate down on the table, " Not yet."
" You mean he hadn't come back since last night?" Will asked sharply.
Susan shook her head lightly, walking back into the kitchen. She didn't forget to call over her shoulder, " Make yourself at home, Bella."
Bella smiled, " Thanks, Susan."
Will followed his mother into the kitchen, agitated, " Mom, you've got to listen to me. You can't put up with this."
" Put up with what, exactly?" She retorted, picking up a rag from the sink and starting to scrub down the stovetops, " I don't understand you, Will. I'm not putting up with anything."
" Stop it." Will said through gritted teeth, " Just stop it. You know what I'm talking about. That bastard's just getting worse and worse�"
She turned on him, " That's no way to address your father, Will." Her tone was severe, " I know you have your differences, but he's still your dad, and I can't stand you being so disrespectful to him."
" I�m only disrespecting him because he's disrespecting you!" He exclaimed, " Right now the man doesn't deserve my respect."
" It was an accident, Will." She stressed, wiping incessantly at one spot on the counter that was already sparkling clean, " It won't happen again."
" It was NOT an accident!" he shouted, " How can you say that? You know just as well as I do that they're never accidents!" Grabbing her by the shoulder, he exclaimed, " Forgetting to tape his TV show was an accident! Remember me burning down the garage when I was eight? That was an accident! Remember him breaking my nose? That was NOT an accident! And this�" He pointed to the bruise on her face, " wasn't an accident either! You know that as well as I do, so why can't you just admit it?"
" Calm down, Will." She said, looking worriedly out of the doorway and checking on Bella, who was squirming in her seat, having no way to stop herself from overhearing.
" Don't tell me to calm down!" He exclaimed, " I'm worried about you, okay? I go to Rawley now, I can't be here all the time to protect you�"
She tried to laugh it off, " Listen to you, Will. I don't need protecting."
" Yes, you do!" He hit the kitchen counter with frustration, " There's no telling what he's going to do, and you really can't afford to stick around and find out!"
She turned around, gazing at him, " What are you saying?"
" You need to get out of here," He told her, " Look at you! You need to get away from him!"
" You're making a big deal out of nothing." She said simply, turning away.
" THIS ISN'T NOTHING!" He yelled, " Why are you refusing to see what's right in front of your eyes? He is never going to change!"
Bella got up from her seat in the lounge, looking in tentatively, " Will�"
Susan glanced at Bella with embarrassment, " Will, Bella's still here, I'm sure she doesn't want to get tangled up in our family problems."
" It's gone beyond that now, mom." Will paced up and down in the cramped space of the kitchen, " Look at you! You can't keep this from everyone anymore!"
Susan's hand flew to her face self-consciously, " It's not that noticeable." She said meekly, " I can wear sunglasses outside."
" That's beside the point!" He shouted, " You can't stay with him! How are you going to hide this next time? What is he going to do next time?"
" There won't be a next time." She told him, " You father just got carried away, he didn't mean it�"
" Like hell he didn't!" His eyes were blazing as he pounded his fist on the counter again. His mother flinched. Bella looked from one to the other, not knowing what to do.
" Bella, tell her." Will demanded, " Tell her it's not right."
" Don't bring Bella into this." His mother said fiercely, " She doesn't need all these extra problems that shouldn't even concern her."
" Will is right, Susan." Bella told her softly, " It's not� Mr Krudski shouldn't be doing this to you."
" You don't know anything about this!" Susan retorted, suddenly angry.
Bella looked down, blinking, " I� I'm sorry."
" Hey!" Will exclaimed, indignant, " Don�t take this out on Bella, she was only trying to help!"
Bella shook her head, " No, I'm sorry." She said in a small voice, " I really shouldn't have said anything."
" Oh god, Bella." Susan sighed, " I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. I'm just a bit uptight lately, okay? Don't hold it against me."
Bella bit her lip, shaking her head. Will took her hand consolingly, but kept his eyes on Susan, "Mom, listen to me."
She gazed at him, apprehensive.
" You can't let him do this to you." He whispered, " You just can't. You have to leave him sooner or later, can't you see?"
" Will�" She sighed, " It's never that simple."
" Then make it simple. Leave him." He said in a steely voice, " You have to look after yourself." Suddenly catching sight of the kitchen clock, he groaned with frustration, " Look, I have to get to rehearsals for the production. But I'll come back later to talk, okay?"
His mother avoided his eyes.
Will sighed, walking out of the kitchen, still holding onto Bella's hand. Standing in the lounge, he asked, " Will you stay with her, please? I don't want to run the risk of leaving her here alone, just in case my dad comes back." His expression darkened, " God knows how much he's had to drink today."
" Sure." She nodded quickly, " I'll stay."
He gazed at her, his voice holding the slightest hint of a tremor, " Thank you."
She smiled faintly, and he walked out of the door. Behind her, she heard Susan walk out of the kitchen, the two of them watching as Will picked his bike up from the lawn and rode off, still looking back at the house over his shoulder.
Turning back to Susan, Bella smiled bashfully.
Susan sighed, touching her bruise gingerly, " You must think I'm the stupidest woman on this planet, right? I know this looks pathetic."
Bella held her gaze, " I know you have your reasons."
" Will's father is not a bad man, really." Susan pleaded, " You have to believe me."
Bella looked away, unable to keep a look of doubt off her face.
" And�" Susan trailed off, " It's complicated. I can't just� leave him."
" I understand." Bella answered quietly.
" Do you?" Susan looked at her, sitting down on one of the chairs by the table and motioning for Bella to do the same.
Bella sat down, " Life is never black and white, Susan." Uttering a soft laugh, she continued, " I've learnt that from Will, mostly."
" There are just so many�" Susan paused, sighing. " I mean�� She stopped again, propping an elbow on the table and resting her forehead against her hand, " God, I feel like such a fool."
Bella watched her, and could not help a sigh herself.
Susan looked up again, " I love him, Bella."
Bella swallowed, gazing at the older woman, who looked aged and frail in the waning light.
" You don't decide what to do when you love someone." Susan mused, staring at her hands, " And sometimes, you just have to�"
" �Put up with it." Bella supplied, blinking. " Believe it or not, I understand. I do."
* * *
The Dean�s house
Steve and Kate Fleming sat opposite each other at the long, rectangular dining table. Hamilton sat halfway between them, placed along the length of the table. He kept his head down as he finished the last of his dinner, trying to ignore both his parents' thoughtful gaze on him. They kept looking at him weirdly through the whole course of dinner, and it made him uneasy.
The Dean cleared his throat, taking a sip of water. � Thank you Kate, that was a lovely meal.�
" I'm glad you liked it." Kate smiled at him, dabbing at the edge of her lips with a napkin. She was looking particularly demure that day, dressed in a navy blue twinset and skirt. Her usually unruly blonde curls have been brushed off her face and tied into a neat bun at the back of her head.
Like that was going to indicate she was a good little housewife now, Hamilton thought scornfully. Nevertheless, he plastered a smile onto his face for his father's sake, � Yeah, it was nice.� Standing up, he started to clear the table, � May I be excused? It's getting late and I think I should be heading back to the dorms.�
Steve held up a hand, motioning for him to stop, � Sit down, son. It can wait.�
Hamilton glanced at his father, � What is it?�
Steve waited until he sat back down before talking. � Your mother and I have been worried about you.�
Hamilton furrowed his brows, � Why?�
� Your grades have worsened alarmingly.� Steve began, placing his hands on the table and interlinking his fingers, � All your subject teachers have been reflecting your total lack of concentration in class, not to mention that you are constantly skipping homework and assignments.�
Hamilton frowned, looking down at his dinner plate.
� What happened, Hamilton?" Steve asked, accusatory, " You weren�t like this before.�
� Things change.� Hamilton replied, looking straight at Kate.
� But why?� Steve was beyond displeased with his son's behaviour, � Your schoolwork is suffering like never before, and frankly, I�m sick of it."
There was no answer.
" Look at me when I'm speaking to you, Hamilton." The Dean said with a frown. Hamilton sighed and glanced up. His father continued, " Now I thought this was just a passing phase, a momentary lapse in concentration, but�" He shook his head, " although results for midterm exams haven't been released to the students yet, I have it on my assurances that yours were less than stellar. A lot less."
Hamilton looked down again. That didn't come as a surprise to him. Between dealing with Jake's crisis, the production, not to mention the whole thing with Kate and Finn, making good grades was pretty low on his list of priorities.
" Your grades in all your subjects have slipped, but that's not the worst of it." The Dean was still talking. " Your English midterm was shocking. I was talking to Finn earlier�"
Kate cringed, so did Hamilton. Steve didn't notice, " � and he said you were in real danger of failing the entire year. At the rate you're working, you will have to repeat 10th grade English."
� Oh, Finn said that, did he?� Hamilton muttered. Kate flinched.
" Yes, he did." The Dean said stiffly, annoyed at the lack of a tangible reaction from his son's part. " Now I want to ask you, do you have a good reason for all of this?�
" What?" Hamilton looked up again.
" Something must've caused this!" Steve exclaimed, " What happened, Hamilton? Why did your grades drop so much in the past half year? Can you give us a reasons as to why this has happened?"
Hamilton scowled, � No.�
� I think it has something to do with Jake.� Steve decided, � I want you to know that I'm not criticising him, and I�m sure he�s a perfectly nice boy, but you can�t deny that he is a big distraction to you and seemed to have caused this sudden downslide in��
� Don�t bring Jake into this, dad.� Hamilton glared at him.
� I know this is a very difficult time for you personally right now,� Steve told him, � I�m fully aware that coming out would�ve taken a lot out of you, I understand and support that, I really do. However, Jake is a major contributing factor in that, and��
� It�s not Jake!� Hamilton exclaimed, � Will you please leave him out of it?�
� He�s right, Steve.� Kate licked her dry lips, � You shouldn�t jump to conclusions, I�m sure Jake isn�t the cause of this�� She made brief eye contact with Hamilton, and he smiled bitterly.
� Then what is?� Steve demanded, � There�s got to be a reason for this!�
Hamilton looked away, � There�s no reason.�
� I find that hard to believe.� The Dean answered flatly, " Something must've caused this, Hamilton, and you're not going to leave until we find out what it is and sort out how you can overcome it!"
Kate swallowed, " Honey, I don't think it's a good idea to probe into Munchie's personal life."
" Drop� the� Munchie." Hamilton muttered under his breath.
" We're his parents, damn it!" Steve exclaimed, " We have to figure out what's causing this! We have to be responsible for him!"
" He'll do better now that we talked to him," Kate coaxed, avoiding Hamilton's sardonic gaze, " He doesn't need to tell us his every move. As long as he understands the seriousness of the situation�"
" Well�" Steve faltered, looking from his wife to his son, " Do you think it's possible for you to concentrate on your schoolwork from now?"
Hamilton shrugged, " Yeah, sure."
Steve narrowed his eyes at him, " Excuse me?"
" Yes, dad." Hamilton sighed, " I'll try harder at school, I promise."
Steve scrutinised him for a moment before sighing heavily. " All right." He decided, " I'll let this slide for now."
Kate sighed inaudibly, relieved. Hamilton darted a quick look at her and nodded at his father, " Thank you. May I be excused now?"
" Not so fast." Steve said, " I want to see some concrete improvement on your behalf, Hamilton. Finn tells me that you have a big assignment on �Death of a Salesman� coming up after Spring Break," the Dean continued, " If you make a reasonable grade on that - say, a B - Then we'll put all this recent unpleasantness down as a phase."
" I need to do well on Finn's assignment." Hamilton murmured.
He was aware that all his grades were slipping, of course. But that couldn't be helped, he was just too overloaded lately to care much about schoolwork. However, there was a reason why he was doing much worse in English than any of his other subjects - Finn.
To some degree, he actually wanted to fail English this year, to feel as though he got back at Finn somehow in his own way, to punish his mother through the failure of her own son.
" If you fail to come up with a decent grade on that assignment," Steve looked at him closely, " then I'm afraid we'd have no choice but to pull you out of the production."
Hamilton's gaze jerked up, " What? You can't do that!"
" I can, and believe me, I will." His father was deadly serious, " School comes first. If you do well on this assignment, I'll assume you can still deal with your workload and all your extracurricular activities. But if I don't see any improvement in English, then you're out of the production, which would be taking up a lot of your time, especially straight before finals - time you can't afford to lose."
" But he has a major role!" Kate said at the same as Hamilton, who exclaimed, " But I'm playing Mercutio! And I'm on the stage committee!"
" You have an understudy, and there are other people on the committee. The play will go on without you, if need be." Steve replied crisply. " Now, I want to see a B on your English assignment. Otherwise, no production. Is that clear enough?"
" May I please be excused now?" Hamilton demanded, standing up.
So� let him get this straight. No good grade on Finn's assignment, no production? He had to be punished for finding out about his mother's affair? Punished by his father? He could feel himself shaking with silent fury and his mind reeled at the unfairness of it all.
" Sure." Steve nodded, " Just� remember what I said, okay? I mean it. Do well on this project, and we'll see what happens�" He trailed off as Hamilton strode purposefully out of the dining room.
Part 4
Rawley Academy, auditorium
Rehearsals were underway for Rawley's Shakespearean production, and a few players were onstage, in the middle of running through a scene for �Romeo and Juliet�, the chosen play for this year's performance.
" � fettle your fine joints 'gainst Thursday next to go with Paris to Saint Peter's Church, or I will drag thee on a hurdle thither!" Scout yelled, completely in character as Lord Capulet. Juliet, played by Faye, was cowering from his harsh words. He advanced on her, shouting, " Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage!"
Faye recoiled from him, clinging desperately to Lena, who played her mother. The redhead grasped Scout's arm, " Fie, fie! what, are you mad?"
" Good father, I beseech you on my knees," Faye sobbed, " Hear me with patience but to speak a word!"
He shook Lena's arm free and whirled on Faye once more, " Hang thee, young baggage! Disobedient wretch!" Receiving a violent shove from him, she tumbled to the floor. " I tell thee what!" He continued shouting, white with anger, " Get thee to church o' Thursday, or never after look me in the face!"
She opened her mouth as though to speak, but he did not let her, " Speak not, reply not, do not answer me!"
" God in heaven bless her!" Leah Rickard, who played Juliet's nurse, intervened, " You are to blame, my lord, to rate her so!"
" And why, my lady wisdom? Hold your tongue!" Scout turned on her with vehemence.
Leah shrank back, " I speak no treason. May not one speak?"
" Peace, you mumbling fool." He dismissed her with a scowl. Turning back to Faye, he leaned close to her menacingly, spitting out the words, " Day, night, hour, tide, time, work, play, alone, in company, still my care hath been to have her match'd!"
Faye covered her face with trembling hands and refused to look at him, but he wrenched her fingers apart, watching her face contort in pain. " And having now provided a gentleman of noble parentage, and then to have a wretched puling fool, a whining mammet, in her fortune's tender, to answer�" He mimicked a whining tone, shaking with anger. " 'I'll not wed; I cannot love, I am too young; I pray you, pardon me!'"
She turned away from him, but he grabbed her by the shoulders and turned her around, livid, " But, as you will not wed, I'll pardon you: graze where you will you shall not house with me!"
She shook her head soundlessly, her eyes filling up with tears.
He glared at her, " Look to't, think on't, I do not use to jest. Thursday is near. An you be mine, I'll give you to my friend; And you be not, hang, beg, starve, die in the streets!" Letting go of her, he left her in a heap on the ground, sobbing uncontrollably. " For, by my soul, I'll ne'er acknowledge thee, nor what is mine shall never do thee good." Storming off stage, he threw a parting line over his shoulder, " Trust to't, bethink you; I'll not be forsworn!"
The three women onstage watched him go, Leah and Lena cowering in fear, while tears silently streamed down Faye's face.
Finn and Will watched from their seats in the auditorium, cross-checking notes occasionally. " Okay, thanks guys, that was great." Will called, " Now the start of Act One scene one please, Abraham, Balthazar, Sampson and Gregory, you guys are up."
Scout walked back onto the stage, holding a hand out to Faye, who took it and jumped to her feet. They walked off into the wings, and he promptly gathered her into an embrace. Leaning close as not to disturb the actors onstage, he murmured, " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I feel so horrible for doing all that."
She laughed quietly, " It's only acting, Scout."
" But it feels so real." He wiped stray traces of tears away from her cheek, sighing, " I felt so bad for making you cry."
" I cry on cue, okay?" She was moved, " I know you had to do it, the script told you to. Don't be sorry."
" But I am." He groaned, touching her shoulder gingerly. " I know I grabbed you way too hard. Does it hurt here?" Her shoulder was bare since she wore a halter top, and the pale skin was an angry red where he seized her onstage.
She grimaced, " A little." Upon seeing the crestfallen expression on his face, she hurried to tell him with a smile, " It's no big deal."
" I'm hurting you." He was contrite as he examined her shoulder, planting a small kiss on the skin that was flushed and warm to the touch.
She closed her eyes, whispering in his ear with a smile, " That certainly makes it better."
" It shouldn't have happened in the first place." He sighed, " What kind of guy am I to do this to you?"
" A terribly cute, lovable one." She told him, " Who also happens to be an amazing actor."
He looked at her shyly, " You think I'm a good actor?"
" Not to mention the sweetest boyfriend." She smiled, brushing her lips against his. He grinned and pulled her closer.
* * *
The Dean's house
Hamilton walked away from his house, heading toward the dorms and his fists clenched at his sides.
Behind him a door slammed, and Kate Fleming ran toward him, slipping slightly on the wet grass. She called desperately as she tried to catch up with him, " Munchie!"
" Don't 'munchie' me, mother." He retorted, not slowing down.
She stopped running when she was next to him, altering her pace to match his, " I'm so sorry for that, I had no idea�"
" God, just SHUT UP!" He turned on her, yelling, " I get it, okay? I don't need you here explaining to me just how unfair this situation is!"
" I� I�m sorry." She stared at him, barely able to find her voice.
" Well, that had never been good enough!" He shouted, " And how dare you let him bring Jake into this? This, is, NOT, Jake's fault, and you know it! It's yours, don't you understand? Why am I failing English? I'm failing because Finn is the one teaching the stupid class, that's why! Jake is the one person in my life right now who actually tries to help me through it all, who has to live through all this with me, and you could just sit there and listen to dad make accusations about him? God, I can't believe you!"
" I stopped him!" She exclaimed, " I know it's not Jake's fault! I KNOW it's me, okay? I'm not trying to get myself off the hook here!"
" Didn't you hear what he said?" He asked angrily, " I'm out of the production if I don't do well in Finn's next assignment! God, this is beyond unfair." He turned away, blinking. " Do you even realise how much I want to be in that play? Did you know how psyched I was when I found out that I was one of the main roles? The production is one of the only things in my life that is going right for once, for god's sake! And I can't believe he's threatening to take that away! Why am I paying for your mistakes, huh? Why am I the one paying for your affair? Explain that to me!"
" Well, what do you want ME to do?" She cried, " He's my goddamn husband! What can I say to make this better for you?"
" This is screwed." He muttered, walking away, " This is so totally screwed. I can't believe it, my god, haven't you ruined my life enough already?"
* * *
Rawley Lake
" You ruined my life." Sean breathed out heavily. " I can't believe it, my god, this is totally screwed. I have no idea what's going to happen to me now. I haven't even told my parents yet."
* Radiohead�s 'Talk Show Host' plays*
The woods by the lake were deserted. Ryder had parked his car by the grove of trees, where inky shadows threatened to obscure both he and Sean but never actually managed to do so. The moon was nearly full, its pale light too bright for shadows to contend with.
--'I want to / I want to be someone else or I'll explode / Floating upon this surface for the birds / The birds / The birds�'
Ryder was lying on the hood of the car, looking up at the moon, feet dangling down by the fender and almost touching the ground. His sharp profile was further defined by the silver moonlight and his lashes cast shadows over his eyes, which looked like dark bottomless pools in which one could just make out the moon's reflections. It was impossible to tell what he was thinking, or indeed if he was thinking at all.
Sean sat next to him, his face buried in his hands and blond hair painted silver, awash with moonlight, immobile and lost in his own thoughts.
Ryder pulled a packet of cigarettes out of his breast pocket and without taking his eyes off the moon, offered it to Sean.
Sean looked at him, " I don't smoke."
Ryder smiled lazily, shrugging, but did not take his hand back. Sean kept looking at him and a moment later, withdrew one from the packet unceremoniously.
Pulling a silver lighter from his jacket pocket, Ryder sat up and lit his cigarette, hunching over slightly and shielding the flickering flame with one hand. Sean looked uncertain but allowed Ryder to light his. Watching the glowing red tip of the cigarette with a degree of interest, he inhaled deeply and immediately burst into a fit of violent coughs.
Ryder rolled his eyes, lying back down again. " Every beginner's mistake, don't breathe it in all the way."
Sean glanced at him amidst coughs, his eyes watering. Ryder shook his head with amusement and went back to looking at the moon.
--'You want me? / Fucking well come and find me / I'll be waiting / With a gun and a pack of sandwiches / And nothing� nothing�nothing�Nothing�'
" Hey�" Ryder said hesitantly when Sean's coughing had ceased somewhat.
Still sputtering a little, Sean turned and peered at the figure lying on the hood of the bright red Corvette, tendrils of smoke curling up from the cigarette between his fingers. " Yeah?"
Ryder took a drag on his cigarette and slowly exhaled, letting the smoke haze up the moon right in front of his eyes, " Thanks, mate."
Sean inhaled carefully on his own cigarette, surprised at the fact that even Ryder could be grateful for something, " What for?"
Ryder glanced at him, " For not dobbing me in."
" I would never do that." Sean replied, a little offended, " You're my friend, Ryder. I never rat on friends."
Ryder was silent for a while, narrowing his eyes at the moon. " Thanks anyway." He finally said.
Sean grinned, " You only did what I wanted you to do. I can't hold a grudge against you for that."
Ryder smiled slightly, glancing quickly at the other boy before looking away again.
--'You want me? / Well come and break the door down / You want me? / Fucking come and break the door down / I'm ready�I'm ready�'
* * *
Will's house
Will had just returned home after rehearsals, and was now walking Bella to the door. " You going to be all right getting home?" He asked, " I can give you a ride, you know."
She shook her head, " No, it's all right. Stay with your mom. Besides," she looked up at the moon, " it's a nice night, and it's not too late, so I'll be fine walking."
He nodded uncertainly, " Okay."
" So�" They walked out onto the porch, and she turned to face him.
" Thanks for staying with my mom." He kissed her distractedly.
" No problem." She replied, " I'll see you tomorrow." Beginning to walk down the driveway, she stopped again, " Will�"
" Yeah?" He asked, standing in the doorway, the light from within the house illuminating him from behind and throwing his features into darkness.
" Be careful with her, okay?" She said, " I know staying here isn't the best option for her, but she is still her own person� and should get to make her own choices."
He stared at her, " You can't be saying that she shouldn't leave."
" No, I'm not saying that." She hurried to justify herself, " But� you can't expect everything to be simple, Will. Sometimes�" She sighed, not knowing how to explain and finally deciding not to bother, " Just be understanding, that's all I'm saying."
He nodded in confusion, and she walked away, " I'll see you tomorrow."
" Yeah." He replied absently, " Bye."
Walking back into the house, he sat down at the dinner table, where his mother was still sitting, staring into space and idly biting her nails.
" Mom?" He asked softly.
She looked at him, " You didn't have to come back here, you know. I could've looked after myself."
" I'm worried about you." He said simply.
" You don't need to be." She told him.
' Mom, listen to me." He pleaded, " Please don't make this out as though nothing's happened. Things did happen, and you can't make it go away just by ignoring it."
" I'm not ignoring it," she corrected him, " it's just not a big deal."
" Then what is a big deal?" He asked, exasperated, " That's exactly what I'm talking about! You can't keep minimising the situation, you know what he did was wrong, and you need to do something about it!"
" And you think that something should be leaving your father." She said scornfully.
He set his jaw, " Yes, I do."
" You know I can't do that." She told him, fiddling around with her wedding ring. She kept twisting it one way, sliding it up to her knuckle; then twisting it back the other way, down to where it was.
" There's no reason why you can't," he sighed, " you just don't want to."
" Is it so wrong that I don't want to?" She asked him, suddenly angry, " I'm trying to make this work, Will! I don't need you sitting here telling me every two minutes that I'm wasting my time! This is our family I'm talking about here, damn it! Even if you are ready to give it up, I'm not, okay? This is the only family I have!"
He stared at her, his throat feeling parched. " But he's hurting you."
" I told you, it wouldn�t happen again!" She exclaimed, standing up and starting to pace frantically around the living room, " That was the last time!"
" What, because he told you so?" He answered, also rising to his feet. " Mom, I'm not saying that wanting a good family for yourself is wrong, but you've got to know where to draw the line! Sometimes it's just�" He looked away, blinking, " It's just not worth it."
" Don't say that!" She shouted at him, gesturing wildly, " It IS worth it! This FAMILY is worth it! I've nearly spent twenty years of my life on all of this and don't you dare�" She choked on a dry sob, " Don't you dare say it's not worth it! This is MY LIFE, Will! The family is my entire life! Why do you insist on taking it away from me? Isn't seeing you leave painful enough? Do you really have to take away your father too?"
He stared at her, speechless.
She sat back down at the table, burying her face in her hands and whispering hoarsely, " Just leave me with something, please, don't take it all away."
" Mom�" He choked out, reaching out to touch her on the shoulder, " Mom�"
He tensed suddenly, sensing that they were no longer alone.
A shadow fell across the room, cast by a dark figure in the doorway. Will swallowed, looking up. His mother did the same.
Brian Krudski leaning against the doorframe, surveying the scene in front of him through glazed eyes. In one hand he clutched a bottle in a brown paper bag, and Will grimaced when the strong smell of alcohol assaulted his nostrils.
" What's this?" His father sneered, swaying a little unsteadily on the spot, " Master Krudski finally paying a visit to his townie roots?"
Will narrowed his eyes, ready to say something. But a cold hand clamped down on his arm, and he turned to see his mother, shaking her head desperately at him. He sighed, turning again to face his father, but remained silent.
However, the man was no mood to stop insulting his son, " It's so nice to see that you haven't forgotten about us humble folks." he taunted, " What, life at the Billionaires Club too exciting for you? You come back to tell us all about it, I suppose." He burped, " Master Krudski, is that what they call you over there?" He laughed hysterically at his own 'wit' while Will and his mother looked on, white-faced.
" Dad, you're drunk." Will said guardedly, trying to keep his temper under control.
" You don't say." Brian was unimpressed as he walked into the room, swaying with every step. " Why are you here, Will? Shouldn't you be out there pretending to be one of those rich boys? Living the high life?"
Will stared at his father, the man who had always made him feel so insignificant, so worthless. He took Will's ambitions and dreams for something bigger, something better� managing to crush all of it at every turn.
To get away from home - to go somewhere better - anywhere but here - was one of the only things that sustained him through those long nights in his childhood. Lying in bed, listening to his father's angry shouts and his mother's muffled weeping through the walls that were always too thin for comfort.
Taking a swig from the bottle, Brian looked at his wife and son, " What's with you two?" He slurred, " Come on, say something! Don't just sit there!"
As Will watched the drunkard who was now inspecting him sluggishly, he felt his forced placidity slip away.
" Didn't you think you're too good for us?" Brian sniggered, " Why are you here mingling with the commoners, huh?"
Susan tightened her grip on Will, but it could not stop him from replying.
" I'm here," he said through gritted teeth, ignoring his mother's incessant tug on his arm, " because of what you did to mom yesterday."
Brian paused, trying to place his son in focus, " What are you talking about?"
" I'm talking about the fucking bruise on her face, you fucking bastard!" Will's composure dissolved as he flew into a barrage of expletive-laced insults, no longer able to contain his rage at seeing his father this wasted and his mother this submissive. " I'm talking about you hitting her! You had NO RIGHT to do that! That's why I'm here, damn it, to protect her from her wife-beating husband!"
" Will!" His mother cried, " Please, don't�" But it was too late, Will had already strode toward his father, the two of them standing face to face and staring each other down.
" What did you call me?" Brian asked quietly.
Will glared back, shaping his lips deliberately so that every word fell clean into the air that was so charged with tension it was suffocating. " You. Fucking. Bastard."
Without another word Brian rammed a fist into Will's stomach, sending the boy staggering backwards. Susan screamed as his back rammed into the wall, leaving him sliding down its surface and gasping for air.
" You ungrateful little twerp!" Brian yelled, advancing towards Will and tossing the bottle to one side, " How can you talk to your own dad this way!"
Will stood up, his hands grasping the wall behind him as his eyes burned with fury, " I have nothing to be grateful for! You've made my life a living hell ever since I was born!"
" Shut up!" Brian shouted, throwing another punch at Will's face, which he tried to dodge but didn't quite make it. Susan screamed again as she saw Brian's fist first catch her son's jaw, then crash into the wall with jarring force. Catching a flash of Will's pale features, she watched in horror as her son lunged at her husband, punching his father in the face.
Brian clutched his nose, leaping back as if stung. " No!" Susan shrieked, seeing blood starting to seep through her husband's fingers, " Will!"
Will did not hear her as he ran forward, slamming his fist into his father's solar plexus, " This one's for mom!" He shouted as he sent the man sprawling to the floor. " YOU CAN'T FUCK WITH US THIS WAY!" He screamed, " I won't let you, I won't!" Tasting suddenly the warm saltiness of blood that ran down from a cut on his lip, he staggered backwards, white and shaking, " I won't�"
" Stop it, Will!" His mother screamed, " Just stop it!" Brian was curled up on the ground, clutching his stomach and his face twisted with pain. Will's eyes glazed over as he took an uncertain step, as though he wanted to kick the man on the floor, but Susan lunged at him from the side, holding onto him and refusing to let go, " Don't, Will, please!"
She had a fleeting vision of when they were younger, happier. Will was just a baby then, and Brian hadn't started drinking. The sun was shining. The skies were blue. The birds sang in the trees. And the love� was real, was tender, was simple.
Out of the corner of her eye, she could see her husband on his hands and knees, staggering to his feet. Will was struggling, fighting to escape her grasp, but she held on tightly, terrified of what he might do if she so much as let go.
" Brian�" She pleaded as the man drew a jagged breath, blood still dripping from his nose.
" You�" Brian pointed a bloodied finger at her, " What have you done?"
She stared up at him with wide, frightened eyes, " I haven't done anything�"
" Look at what kind of son you raised!" He yelled, advancing on her, " Did you raise him so that he could punch out his old man, you bitch? I could kill you!"
" Leave her alone!" Will shouted, bucking wildly in Susan's arms but she held on with all her might, refusing to let him go, let him loose, set him on his father. " You coward!" Will kept yelling, his fingers digging into Susan's arm, " If you ever TOUCH her again, I will kill you, I swear to god!"
" Will!" Susan cried, " That's enough, I beg you, please�"
Brian glared at the two of them, mother and son holding on so tightly that he could no longer discern them as two separate beings.
Susan, Will, they were slipping out of his control. Sometimes he wondered if he ever had control over them in the first place.
He could feel the liquor wearing off, the violent urges that it induced in his stupefied mind were dimming, ebbing away. The world began to crystallize around him, swinging into focus. His family. His house. His life.
Will was still bound in Susan's arms, hatred glittering in his eyes.
Brian blinked: his son� he didn't resemble him much, taking mostly after his mother. But the determined gaze, that distinct jawline� yes, he saw traces of himself in Will.
His nose was still bleeding, still smarting from the blow that Will had thrown at him. He brought a hand to it tentatively, and his finger became coated in that warm viscous liquid. Crimson, like the blood that seeped from the cut on Will's lip. It was the same blood, he was Will's father, and Will was his son.
He felt hollow as the boy continued to stare him down. They had never known each other, never bothered to understand.
Without another word, Brian turned on his heels and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
The reverberating sound echoed in the sudden silence of the night.
Susan and Will stood there, stunned. She still held him tightly in her arms, refusing to let go even after everything had calmed, after everything lapsed into an utter and unnatural stillness.
She raised her face to the ceiling, staring at the fluorescent tube light that was much too bright, much too severe for something as tender as night.
" Mom�" He whispered, his knees buckling, " Mom�" Suddenly he broke into strangled sobs, clinging onto her arm as though she was the only one who could save him from drowning in despair.
" No, baby, please don't cry�" She murmured, her own eyes filling up with tears. Leaning back against the wall, she slid down to the floor, taking him down with her. She could feel him shuddering uncontrollably, " See what� what you're living with?" He gasped out, " Do you see? How can you stay with him, mom?"
She could see him crying, his body convulsing with sobs. She was so removed from it all but she knew that she must've been crying too because she could taste her tears as they fell, the pain all too real and the desperation too much to take.
" Please�" Will ran a hand across his lip and it came away bloody, " I beg you� leave him, please�" He could say no more, choking on his words as tears streaked his face, mingling with the blood from his cut lip. The two liquids mixed, were made a transparent pink, and fell onto his white shirt, staining it. Bloodstains, tearstains, they were all the same.
She wrapped her arms around him tightly, like she used to hold him when he was a little boy.
The harsh lights overhead were fast blinding her, coloured spots dancing everywhere her eyes turned. But she preferred it to the scene below, preferred those flashing spots to the reality that was her screwed-up life. Tears were temporary, a mere form of release� but she knew the pain would not go away, it was a part of her world.
It was forever a part of her world.
Part 5
Rawley Boys' Academy, dorms
Even from the corridor, it was clear that someone was having one hell of a temper tantrum in one of the dorm rooms - it happened to be the one shared by Jake and Hamilton. With a loud 'thump', something hit the door from inside the room, accompanied with a frustrated yell.
If the observer were to enter the room, he would most likely be hit by another flying object heading straight toward the door.
" Hamilton, are you mad?" Jake exclaimed, picking two heavy textbooks up from the floor, where they had landed after Hamilton had hurled them at the door in a fit of rage.
" I'm beyond mad, Jake." He told her, grabbing another textbook from his bed. She lunged at him and tried to twist it out of his hands. He held onto it stubbornly, " He said I have to give up the production if I don't get a B on Finn's next assignment! Finn's assignment, of all people!"
She managed to wrestle the book away from him, setting it down heavily on his desk, " I know this is really hard for you�"
" My dad actually had the stupidity to blame YOU!" He yelled, picking his entire backpack up and made as though he was going to throw that as well, " And my mother just SAT THERE, knowing full well that she was the cause of all this, and�"
" For god's sake," Jake grabbed the bag, " stop throwing things! I know you're angry, but try to calm down�"
" Calm down? Calm down?" He shouted, " How do you expect me to do that? My mom and Finn screw up my life for me and now I have to pay the consequences? This is beyond absurd, Jake, I can't� I can't do it!"
" Don't think of it that way." She consoled him, " Just work on that assignment like you're supposed to and you'll be fine�"
" It's the principle of the whole thing!" He told her angrily, " It's JUST NOT FAIR!"
She sighed and tried to reason with him, " But part of it is your fault."
" Whose side are you on, Jake?" He yelled.
" Right now I'm not taking sides, okay?" She shot back, " Not if you insist on being such an ass about it."
He stared at her incredulously, " Me? They are the ones who have done all the damage! What have I done to deserve this?"
" You let yourself go." She sighed, " I know it's hard, going through all that you have lately�"
He opened his mouth but she charged on ahead, not giving him a chance to speak, " But you have to remember, you are always responsible for what you do, no matter how you feel."
" So it's MY fault now?" He asked, his eyes narrowed, " Is that what you're saying?"
" No!" She was exasperated, " I'm not saying that! Yours, theirs, your dad's, mine�" She told him, " It's everyone's and nobody's fault, it makes no difference. What does matter right now is for you to do that assignment properly so you're not kicked out of the production, okay?"
" But it's� not� fair." He whispered, dangerously close to tears.
She hugged him, sighing, " I know. But hang in there, okay?"
A soft knock on the door interrupted their moment, and Hamilton glowered, " Who is it?"
" It's Finn." A muffled voice came from the corridor.
" Go away." Hamilton growled, full of animosity. Jake looked at him a trifle reproachfully but he turned away from her.
" I need to talk to you, Hamilton." Finn continued, " It's urgent."
Hamilton glanced at Jake, and with a frustrated sigh, strode briskly to the door. He whisked it open a crack, " I don't want to talk to you." He said through gritted teeth.
Finn stuck his foot through the gap in the door, " Get a jacket, we're going for a walk."
Hamilton laughed, disbelieving, " Are we now? Since when am I�"
He didn't get to finish. " You are." Jake thrust his coat at him, " Go, you need to sort this out."
" God, don't I ever get to make my own decisions around this place?" He yelled in disbelief, " Why are all of you living my life for me?"
Finn looked at him, his expression stony. " Let's go."
Hamilton sneered, looking like he was going to protest. However, the expression on his face rapidly changed to one of shock as Jake gave him a shove from behind, literally pushing him out the door. " Jake!" He exclaimed, tripping over his own feet, " What the hell do you think you are doing?"
" Go sort this out." She said curtly, " I don't want to see you like this."
" No, you don't understand." He tried to elbow his way back into the room, but she pushed the door back on him, forcing him to a stop. " We can't sort this out!" He shouted, aggravated, " There is no solution for this! What are you doing?"
" So at least talk it out." She was undaunted, " You should've done that a long time ago."
He was still going to protest when she shut the door in his face, and a second later, he heard the key turn in the lock. " You can't be serious!" He yelled, rattling the door handle, " Jake, are you crazy?"
" She's giving you a chance." Finn said darkly, motioning for him to follow, " Come on, we should've had this talk a long time ago."
* * *
Bella's gas station
It was getting late. Bella was still outside, finishing up a job that was needed for the next morning. The sound of a bicycle whirring into the station startled her, and she turned to see Will getting off his bike, leaning it against one of the concrete posts.
" God, Will, what happened?" She exclaimed, catching sight of his cut lip and swollen red eyes. Hurrying to his side, she gazed up into his face with worry, " Are you all right?"
He tried to smile, but ended up looking pitiful. She sighed, holding out her arms, " Come here."
He sank gratefully into her embrace, sniffling.
" What happened?" She asked him softly.
" My dad� my dad came home." The tepid night air was doing nothing to help as he stood shaking in her arms.
" And?" She held onto his shuddering frame, hoping to bring him some sort of shelter from his tumultuous life, however brief, however slight.
He grimaced, " We� had a fight. I mean�" He touched his lip gingerly, " We hit each other."
" Oh, god." She whispered, stunned, " Are you okay?"
He shook his head, his eyes beginning to fill with tears again.
She held onto him, " Is there anything I could do?"
He wrapped his arms tightly around her, still shivering from the aftershock, " Just� hold me."
She nodded against his shoulder, feeling his body tremble with constrained sobs. " Shh�" She cooed, " It's going to be all right�"
" I don't know what to do." He told her, trying to hold back the tears. " She won't� she just won't leave him, no matter what I say�"
" You can't force her to do what she doesn't want to do, Will." She told him, realising with a sinking heart that this time, the comfort that he found in her arms was too meagre to be of any help at all.
" But it's never going to stop if she doesn't get away!" He cried, desperate, " I can't just stand by and watch him do that to her! And you know he's going to keep doing it, again and again�"
" I know you can't." She stroked his back soothingly, " Talk to her later, okay? See if you can work something out."
" There is nothing to be worked out." He murmured, a tear catching the moon's shimmering light as it slid down his cheek, " What can I do? I feel so powerless, Bella."
She nodded quietly, beginning to feel choked up by the mere sight of him being so helpless, so fragile.
" I can't do anything for her when I'm at school�" He stopped suddenly, jerking away from her and looking at his watch frantically, "Oh god! School! The curfew! I'm going to be late, Bella, I've got to get back to the dorms!"
" Go." She nodded, blinking back her tears. God, she didn't even know why she felt like crying all of a sudden. Was it because she couldn't stand to see him so unhappy? Or was it because she felt no longer capable of giving him the comfort that he craved so desperately?
" Thank you." He murmured, wiping his face hastily and getting on his bike again, " I'll come by tomorrow, okay?"
" Okay." She tried to smile as he rode briskly down Main Street.
She watched him ride away until the darkness enveloped him completely, and she could see no more.
* * *
Rawley Lake
" Don't you have a curfew?" Sean asked Ryder.
The moon had risen higher in the sky now, and they could see the lake in the distance, mirrorlike.
Ryder glanced at his watch, " Like I would care."
Sean shrugged.
They sat in silence for a few moments before Ryder spoke up again, " You're a real friend, Sean."
" What's the deal with this sudden sentimentality today, Ryder?" Sean asked, amused, " You're scaring me."
" I'm just saying," Ryder looked away, " I haven't had a real friend in a long time. It's�" he could not help rolling his eyes even as he said it, " � nice."
Sean chuckled, gazing at him, " You sound really sincere."
Ryder didn't answer, lighting up another cigarette.
Sean shook his head, smiling, " I'm sorry, I shouldn�t have said that. No, seriously, I'm glad you think of me as a real friend."
The corner of Ryder's lips curved up in a slight smile, which did not reach his eyes. Staring pensively out to the lake, he seemed mesmerised by the moon's reflection in the water, light upon light.
" What about when you were a kid?" Sean wondered, " Back in England? You had friends back then, right?" He grinned, " Mates, as you call them."
Something flickered across Ryder's face, a strain of emotion that escaped unwittingly. " I was different then." He said simply.
" What do you mean?" Sean took another cigarette out of the pack that the other boy offered.
Ryder handed Sean the silver lighter without a word. His gaze travelled from the moon's reflection up to the moon itself, then back to the reflection again.
A tiny flame leapt out from under Sean's thumb, he stared at it for a moment before lighting the cigarette.
" Do you want to hear something?" Ryder asked suddenly, averting his eyes.
Sean handed the lighter back to him, " Sure. What is it?"
" It's like a bad dream." Ryder mused, watching the red tip of his cigarette. Lately he had taken to looking at them instead of smoking them. He was getting used to simply lighting one cigarette after another, observing them as they burn, glow, fade away into cinders.
" I thought I got away from it." He continued, " But�"
" What is it, Ryder?" Sean asked with worry, catching sight of the sombre expression on Ryder's face.
" I don't� I don't usually tell this story to people. " Ryder sighed, " But� it's come back to haunt me, Sean, and I need to get it out."
Sean nodded, startled by how grave his friend suddenly sounded.
* * *
Rawley Girls' Academy
Scout and Faye walked along the corridors, keeping a lookout for teachers who might see Scout in the �forbidden� territory of the girls' dorms.
" What is the deal with Josh and Ryder?" Scout asked as they walked, furrowing his brows, " I saw them outside of class today, and god, it was weird."
Faye glanced at him quickly, " What did you see?"
" They were just�" He shrugged, " Acting really strange in front of each other. I couldn't figure out what was going on."
She nodded thoughtfully as she let him into her room. He promptly flopped onto her blow-up armchair, " I mean, you don't need to tell me if you don't want to. It's just, well�" He looked up, " I've never seen Ryder act that way before. He was like an entirely different person."
" What do you mean?" She closed the door, sitting down on the edge of her bed.
He thought for a moment. " It was like he couldn't figure out how to act in front of Josh - what to say, what to do." He grinned, " So he just stood there. I've never seen him so uncomfortable - it�s great."
She laughed quietly, but her eyes remained contemplative.
" What is going on, Faye?" He leaned forward, staring at her intently. " I mean, you know you don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's just confusing me. A lot."
" I think I should tell you something about it." She replied, sighing, " I know this whole thing between you and me and Josh is a bit strained at best, and it might be good if you knew some more of where we're coming from." She looked away, " Some more of our history."
He nodded.
" But understand that this is all exchanged in confidence, all right?" She made sure that he understood, " It's not exactly your run-of-the-mill gossip through the grapevine. So�"
" I can keep a secret." He promised.
" Good." She smiled at him, motioning for him to come sit on the bed with her. He obliged, and she leaned lightly on his shoulder, debating on what to say.
* * *
" When I was a kid back in London," Ryder began, staring at the cigarette that was perched between his middle and index fingers, " I had two best friends. My sister was one of them."
Sean smiled, " She's a character, that sister of yours."
Ryder either didn't hear or didn't care enough to comment. " My dad had a good friend back then, and he had�" He corrected himself, " � has a son. His son was about our age, and he was my other best friend." He looked up, " His name is Josh Sutherland."
" Wait, I know that name." Sean frowned, " Isn't he� isn't he that guy from that band Amnesia?"
Ryder nodded slowly, " Yeah, that's him."
* * *
" We had known each other since we were toddlers." Faye said, " I remember always having to sit upstairs with the two of them and watch TV, while our parents held cocktail parties downstairs."
Scout grinned, picking up a glass of water from her bedside cabinet, " Memories shared by just about everyone at Rawley, I think."
She laughed, " Yeah, that'd be right." Turning thoughtful again, she continued, " We were always together, the three of us. The Sutherlands used to live right next door to our house and we always hung out together. In fact, we spent so much time together that our parents have always joked that I was going to grow up to marry Josh one day."
" Really?" His hold around her waist tightened as he glanced at her.
" You are so cute." She grinned, kissing him on the cheek, " Yeah. But I always knew better."
He raised his eyebrows as he took a sip from the glass, " What do you mean?"
" How should I say this?" She wondered out loud, " Josh� was never straight enough to make me feel completely secure."
He looked at her quizzically, and she chuckled, " That sounds weird, I know. But ever since we were kids, I've always just thought of him as automatically out of bounds, you know? He was so feminine right from the start, and I guess I just never thought of him of a�" She paused, " � guy."
Scout laughed, " And?"
" But the girliness just made him more fun to hang out with." She mused, " In my opinion, anyway. He even managed to convince Ryder to put on a dress one day." Faye smiled, " Made him wear a wig and everything�"
" That was where the photo came from!" He exclaimed, " It makes sense now. I was wondering how anyone managed to get Ryder into a dress."
She grinned, " Anyway, all I'm getting at is to say that we were close." The smile disappeared from her face, " We knew everything about each other."
* * *
Ryder exhaled, watching the smoke dissipate in front of his eyes. " Everything, except for this one fact that seemed to escape me." He glanced at Sean, " Looking back, it was so obvious. I guess on some subconscious level I just didn't want to think about it then, so I never did."
" What was it?" Sean asked, taking a drag on his cigarette.
Ryder looked away, " Josh liked - likes� guys."
* * *
" He was in love with Ryder." Faye said flatly.
Scout nearly spat out the mouthful of water that he had just drank. Swallowing hastily, he asked, " What?"
" Josh was in love with Ryder." Faye repeated.
*Coldplay's 'Trouble' begins to play*
Scout scrutinised her with narrowed eyes, " How old were you?"
" Does it matter?" She asked him softly. " Sure, we were all young - terribly young." She blinked, shaking her head, " But there was no denying that Ryder was Josh's first love."
The expression on Scout's face showed that he had a hard time believing.
" You don't ever forget about your first love." She murmured.
" And Ryder�" He gazed at her, " He knew about this?"
She smiled, shaking her head, " No. He most certainly did not."
* * *
" I was thirteen." Ryder said, " My parents were in the middle of a very messy divorce and it looked as though my bastard of a father was going to get custody of me." He shook his head lightly, " My life was in ruins."
Sean looked at him sympathetically.
" But at least I still had�" Ryder murmured, " I had Faye. I had Josh. People to talk to, people who actually cared." Looking up at the moon again, he continued, " Josh listened to me when no one else would. He� carried on listening when everybody else had stopped."
--'Oh no, I see / A spider web, it's tangled up with me / And I lost my head / The thought of all the stupid things I said�'
As though suddenly realising just how bright the moon really was, he looked down again, staring at his hands. " I never opened up to anyone like that. It was good to get everything off my chest." He smiled suddenly, " I'll always be grateful to him for trying to understand. But then�"
* * *
Faye ran a hand through her hair, " Josh kissed Ryder."
Scout was dangerously close to choking on his water, and he made a mental note not to take another sip when Faye was talking. " What?" He exclaimed loudly.
" He told me later that he just got carried away." Faye mused, " That day, he was feeling particularly� what's that word that Jake always uses?"
" Sketchy." Scout supplied.
" That's it." She grinned, " Josh was feeling particularly sketchy the day Ryder came to him. He was really upset and Josh tried to comfort him to the best of his extent and he let Ryder talk for hours and hours, just trying to get everything off his mind. And then�" She shrugged, " In his own words, 'it just kinda happened.' He kissed Ryder. It was an 'accident'."
" And?" Scout couldn't imagine what Ryder's reaction must've been.
� What do you think?� Faye sighed, " Ryder freaked out."
* * *
Ryder stared at his cigarette, looking as though he had been hypnotised by the wisps of smoke that curled up, twisted, turned, then faded away." I made the biggest mistake of my life that day."
Sean looked at him in surprise.
" I freaked out." Ryder sighed, " I freaked out and told my parents. They told Josh's parents." He looked up suddenly, his eyes unnaturally bright, even in this light, " In my entire life, I have only regretted one thing that I've ever done. That was it."
" Telling your parents?" Sean asked.
" Yes." Ryder whispered.
--'Oh no, what's this? / A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle / so I turned to run / The thought of all the stupid things I've done�'
* * *
" Now, our own parents aren't exactly open-minded to begin with," Faye told Scout, " but Josh's family was an entirely different story."
" I guess you mean 'different story' as in 'bad'." Scout interpreted.
Faye nodded, " They couldn't understand it at all. They couldn't abide by the fact that their son turned out to be �gay�, and asking them to accept that fact�" Her laugh was heavy with scorn, " Well, that was like asking them to donate all their money to charity and live out the rest of their life on a self-sufficient commune. It can't be done."
" You didn't like the Sutherlands, I gather." He said softly, brushing away a tendril of hair from her forehead.
She shook her head violently, " They were the worst kind of people. Egocentric, stubborn, ignorant like hell. I would never understand how Josh, of all people, could have come from a family like that." She shuddered, " To them, Josh had brought more shame to the family than they ever thought possible. And frankly, they couldn't bear to be associated with him anymore."
* * *
Ryder stared at his hands. The cigarette had all but burnt away, nearly singeing his fingers. " They disowned him."
--'And I never meant to cause you trouble / And I never meant to do you wrong / And I� well if I ever caused you trouble / Oh no I never meant to do you harm�'
" What?" Sean asked, alarmed, " Just for being gay?"
" Josh is bisexual." Ryder corrected him, " But� yeah."
Sean whistled through his teeth, " Nasty."
" He was the eldest son." Ryder murmured, " He was set to take over the Sutherland estate when he turns 21, heir to the billions that his father was all ready to leave him. But�" He blinked, looking away, " I changed all that."
" So you're saying," Sean shook his head with disbelief, " you made his parents disown him."
" I didn't MAKE them disown him!" Ryder turned on him, his eyes blazing, " I didn't mean for anything like that to happen! I would never do that intentionally!"
" I'm sorry," Sean apologised quickly, " I didn't mean for it to come out that way, I just meant�"
Ryder nodded, looking away again. " They disengaged him from all of it. The fortune, the family� they even took his name out of the family bible." Swallowing, he ran a hand through his hair, hands trembling slightly. " They sent him to America. Just to get him out of the house, out of their sight."
Sean shook his head slowly, " That is harsh, man."
Ryder buried his face in his hands, trying to stop himself from shaking. " He was only twelve, Sean. He was only twelve years old."
* * *
" They still send him money, just so he doesn�t starve, whatever." Faye said softly, " Well, actually, they send him so much money he doesn't know what to do with it all. I don�t think it's so much a guilt thing than trying to put barriers between them. They don't want him going back to England, so they keep hurling more and more money at him, hoping that he'd build up a life for himself here and�" She laughed bitterly, "� I don't know, forget that he even has a family."
" That's horrible." Scout whispered, stunned.
" Right around that time, my parents split up." She was lost in nostalgia, " My mother took me down to France, and I could only keep contact with Josh through letters. I never really knew what happened to him when he first arrived in America, because he never told me - he didn't want me to worry."
" What happened to him?" Scout was confused, " What do you mean?"
Faye glanced at him, " He was twelve, kicked out of his own home - country, for that matter. He was confused as hell about his sexuality - being bi is probably more confusing that just being gay, if you thought about it - and he had money to burn. You do the maths, Scout. What would you have done if you were in his shoes?"
� Probably everything I�m not supposed to do.� He replied softly.
--'Oh no, I see / A spider web and it's me in the middle / So I twist and turn / But here am I in my little bubble �'
" We were all different people back then." Faye's eyes were misting over, " Ryder wasn't so mean, Josh was still innocent, and I sure as hell weren't so damn analytical of everything." She shook her head, " But everything changed after that. The people, the situations� everything. Josh left, and I left with my mother soon after. Ryder stayed behind in London with our father. And every time I saw him afterwards, he managed to get just a little bit colder, a little bit nastier�" She paused, laughing bitterly, " Living with our father does that to you."
" And what about Josh?" Scout asked.
" I didn't see him again until I came to America last year." Faye told him, sighing. " As for Ryder, I believe they had only met up with each other a couple of weeks ago. Needless to say, it was a huge shock for both of them."
* * *
--'Singing out, I never meant to cause you trouble / I never meant to do you wrong / And I� well if I ever caused you trouble / Oh no I never meant to do you harm�.'
" I look up," Ryder paused to take a drag on the cigarette, " and he was just there, standing in the doorway." He thought for a moment, then added, " It's strange that I recognised him straight away, even though he had changed so much over these years. We all have."
" What was it like seeing him again after so long?" Sean asked.
Ryder looked back up at the moon, its light casting a bright mask over his face. " You've got to understand that he's probably the only thing in my entire being that had ever come across as some sort of guilty conscience."
Sean stared at him.
Looking down for a moment, Ryder breathed out heavily, " He was my best friend, and I ruined his life."
--'They spun a web for me / They spun a web for me� they spun a web for me�'
Part 6
Rawley Academy
The night was eerily quiet. Even with the numerous glowing lamps around the quad, Rawley still resembled something of a ghost town. There were no lights coming from the building at all, since most of its inhabitants had already left, and it was midnight to boot, long past lights-out time for the remaining students.
Two figures broke away from the shadows of the building and strode across the quad, heading towards the lake. They both had their hands stuck in their pockets, and neither looked very happy to be there.
" You want to walk and talk." Hamilton told Finn, " We're walking. So talk."
Finn glanced at him, " I just want to say�"
Hamilton averted his eyes.
Finn sighed, " Don't throw your life away because of us� Because of what your mother and I have done."
" A little too late for that." Hamilton scoffed.
" No," Finn shook his head, " It might be too late to reverse what you saw, but it's not too late for you to redeem yourself."
" With all due respect, Finn." Hamilton's voice was dripping with sarcasm, " I'm not the one who needs to be redeemed."
Finn stopped suddenly, forcing Hamilton to do the same. The two of them faced each other on the edge of the quad. " Your grades are suffering." The teacher stressed, " I know school is not on your list of priorities right now, but damn it, Hamilton, I'm not going to just stand by and watch you ruin yourself because of some stupid mistakes made by your mother and me!"
Hamilton stared at him, " I'm not ruining anyone!"
" You are failing." Finn told him, " You used to get As in English, and now look at you. You can't even get enough to scrape together a pass!"
" School isn't everything, Finn." Hamilton looked at him with scorn, " I have a life of my own to live, you know."
" A life that is going to slip right through your fingers if you're not careful." Finn warned, " Think of what is important in your life: Photography? Crew? The production?" He paused slightly for effect, narrowing his eyes, " Jake? You know your dad will take you away from every single one of them if you don't pull your grades up." He sighed, " I know what he said about the production and your English assignment, and believe me, he's not going to stop there."
Hamilton inhaled, biting the inside of his lower lip.
" He's already starting to think Jake's a bad influence on you." Finn continued, " If you give him any more reason to believe that�"
" What, he's going to force me to stop seeing her?" Hamilton retorted.
" No," Finn said patiently, " but he may well pull you out of her dorm room and force you to come home. Once the semester finishes, he can arrange for you two not to have any more classes together."
� He won�t do that.� Hamilton scoffed, his expression betraying just how uncertain he really felt.
� Won�t he?� Finn pressed, watching Hamilton grow paler as he listed the possibilities, " Come summer session, new students will enrol, what are the chances that Jake will get to keep a single room?"
" But she can�" Hamilton started to say something about Jake hacking, but shut up quickly, realising that it wasn't a particularly smart idea to start blabbing in front of Finn.
" Your dad will be keeping a very careful eye on her, unless you can prove that she's not a bad influence on your life." Finn analysed, " Even so, you're treading on dangerous ground. Jake had only lasted this long at Rawley because she had remained relatively inconspicuous. If you force your dad to take an interest in her, what are the chances that he won't find out something incriminating? You keep forgetting that she's liable here, Hamilton. Her disguise is far from perfect. As soon as she starts attracting attention from administration, she is as good as gone."
Hamilton was silent.
" It's not worth it." Finn said quietly, " No matter what has been done to you, your life is still yours and yours alone. If you screw it up, you screw up yourself."
Hamilton glared at him, " But why am I forced to pay for your mistakes?"
" Because you�re acting on those mistakes." Finn sighed, " You're trying to get back at me, don't you think I know it?"
Hamilton looked away.
" But you're a fool if you mess up your life for the sake of revenge." Finn sighed, " It's not worth it to lose everything just to prove something to me."
He placed a hand on the boy's shoulder. Hamilton flinched, but did not pull away. " Listen to me, Hamilton." Finn repeated, " It's just not worth it, okay?"
* * *
Bella's gas Station
The morning air was cool, the breeze whispered along with birdsong.
Bella paced up and down in front of the gas station, waiting for Will to turn up, like he said he would.
Sunlight caught the fresh dew, and the world was clear and crystalline.
Will never showed.
* * *
Will's house
Susan was up early, baking yet another lot of cookies. She couldn't decide between oatmeal and chocolate chip, so she thought she'd bake two batches. The ones that she baked yesterday were barely touched, still sitting out on the table in the living room. But no matter, she thought as she pulled the baking sheet out of the oven, you could never have too many cookies. She smiled as she inhaled the heady aroma, vanilla and golden syrup mixed with chocolate. It was familiar, homely, the smell of sunny days and happy families.
Will leaned against the doorway of the kitchen, watching his mother. He had arrived a while ago, but she did not see him, and he didn't want to disturb her.
She straightened up, and gave a little yelp when she saw him there, " Will! When did you get here? You nearly gave me a heart attack!"
He stared at her silently.
" Cookie?" She offered cheerfully.
" What are you doing?" He asked quietly.
She blinked, " Baking."
He closed his eyes for a moment before opening them again, repeating the question, " What are you doing, mom?"
Her smile was starting to look a little strained, " I told you, baking."
He gazed at her, despair evident in his eyes. She turned away from him, beginning to pile the cookies into another plate.
" Don't�" His lower lip started to tremble, " don't do this. Please."
" Are you sure you don't want a cookie, Will?" She asked him suddenly, turning to face him. He noted that the bruise by her eye was fading ever so slightly.
" Put the cookies down, mom." He told her quietly, " And tell me what you're doing."
She avoided his eyes, starting to prepare the oatmeal cookie mixture. Pick up butter knife, cut a portion of butter; pick up sugar spoon, spoon out some sugar; oatmeal, flour, the other ingredients, they all go into the mixture.
The kitchen was bright from the morning sunlight, and the house smelled heavenly from the fresh-baked cookies that she kept serving up, batch after batch after batch.
He found that he could not breathe. Not really.
" I'm begging you." He whispered, " Please� leave him."
She kept her head down, thick auburn hair hiding her face from view. She did not answer. After all, she was pretending not to hear.
He stared at her.
She kept her eyes on the cookie mixture.
She didn't know how long they stood there silently, but eventually he turned away.
She could hear his footsteps fade as he walked out of the house. A moment later, the door slammed.
Looking up, she watched vacantly the doorway of the kitchen, an empty space where her son was standing just moments earlier.
* * *
New Rawley, bus stop
" Ryder thinks he single-handedly ruined Josh's life, but I don't know if I agree with that." Faye said thoughtfully, sitting inside her car with Scout. They were parked next to the curb, waiting for the bus to come. Scout was going home for Spring Break before coming back early to start crew with the rest of the team.
" I mean, yeah, there's no denying that Ryder pushed him off the path that his life was originally going to take, you know?" She shrugged, " His entire future was laid out in front of him. If he had hidden his bisexuality from his parents - and believe me, it wouldn't have been hard with the amount of attention they paid him - he would've turned out very differently." She smiled, " I can just see how he'd be now. Master Sutherland, heir to his family's fortune. Polished, refined� outwardly, some may say faultless. The perfect little rich boy." She watched Scout with a smile, " In fact, he would've been a lot like you." As an afterthought she added, " Minus the girliness."
" Me?" Scout was surprised, " Josh?" After a beat he narrowed his eyes at her, � The perfect little rich boy?�
She laughed, letting the comment slide. " You may not think so, but you two are quite similar up to a certain point. Of course, that all changed when Ryder�" She sighed, " Josh has been through an awful lot, considering he's only seventeen. It's strange to look at him now, and think of what he could've become."
He nodded slowly.
" But I don't think it's a bad thing, really. I mean, look at him." She smiled, " If Ryder never did what he did, there will be no Josh as we know him today. He's come a long way."
He smiled, " Yeah."
She grinned at him, " So that's the saga."
" It's quite a story." He remarked, looking at her.
" I thought so too." She said softly, taking his hand.
He sighed, " I'm gong to miss you."
" It's not for long." She smiled, " A week to go back and meet with the parents, hardly time at all."
" I guess." He said unenthusiastically, " But I'd still rather stay here with you."
She leaned in and brushed her lips against his, " I know."
He held on to her, kissing her deeply. It was only when they heard the bus approaching that they parted and Scout jumped out of the car, hauling along with him an overnight bag.
She watched him, a smile on her lips, " Nice to see you're not towing your dorm room along with you, unlike the last time we were here."
He grinned, " Things have changed."
She laughed, and he walked over to the driver side of the convertible, resting his elbows on the door.
" Well?" She raised an eyebrow at him.
" You'll be here when I get back?" He asked.
She smiled, " Of course."
He touched her jaw tenderly, " I'll see ya when I see ya."
She reached up and wound an arm around his neck, pulling him toward her in another kiss. When she finally let go, her eyes were shining, " See you soon, Scout."
He grinned, saluting and boarding the bus. She watched as it pulled away from the curb, Scout waving at her from his seat by the window. She waved back with a smile.
* * *
Rawley Academy
It was the start of Spring Break. School was officially out, and most students had left the school in lieu of places more exotic and often more homely.
But for Hamilton, Rawley was home. So he and Jake stayed, sitting around the quad, watching the morning flit by.
In the distance they could see Kate Fleming approaching, a pile of books in her arms. Jake glanced at Hamilton. He did not say much after coming back to their room last night, but she was hopeful. At least he didn't look angry anymore� just sad.
Kate passed them on the quad. " Hey Hamilton, hi Jake." She said softly.
Hamilton gazed at her and to everyone's surprise, answered - albeit hesitantly. " Hi mom."
Kate stopped in her tracks, staring at him in surprise. Jake grinned up at her, but Hamilton turned away.
Kate watched him, nodding slightly to herself as if she understood. She caught Jake's eye, and the two of them shared a tentative smile.
It was going to take time, but this was a start.
She turned and walked away.
*The Cranberries' 'Ode to my Family' begins to play*
Jake and Hamilton followed her with their gaze, as she walked across the green lawns, heading towards the school building. A group of teachers walked out just as she was entering, conversing quietly with each other. Finn was one of them.
They caught sight of each other, but did not acknowledge that fact at all, looking straight ahead as they brushed shoulders, walking away in opposite directions.
Jake rested her head on Hamilton's shoulder, and he took her hand, sighing softly.
--'Understand the things I say / don't turn away from me / Cos I've spent half my life out there / you wouldn't disagree�'
* * *
Ryder stood outside the Common Room, looking through the large windows. His reflection sprung back at him, his brows furrowed as he looked in.
Josh was sitting inside on one of the couches, a guitar on his lap and he had before him a pad of paper on the coffee table. A pencil was stuck behind his ear, and he strummed some chords experimentally, murmuring to himself.
--'Do you see me? Do you see? / Do you like me? Do you like me standing there? / Do you notice? Do you know? / Do you see me? Do you see me? / Does anyone care?'
Josh wrote something down, playing the sequence through, his hair falling in his eyes. Shaking his head lightly, he crossed out what he had just written, trying another set of chords.
Ryder watched him, inhaling on yet another cigarette, his face a careful blank.
Josh frowned, sensing that someone was staring at him. Looking up sharply, he turned toward the windows. Ryder gave a start when Josh's eyes met with his, and he looked away hastily. Josh, startled, did the same. Agitated, Ryder started to walk off and Josh turned back to his music, staring at his paper intently.
--'Unhappiness, was when I was young / and we didn't give a damn / Cos we were raised / to see life as fun and take it if we can / My mother, my mother she hold me / Did she hold me, when I was out there?'
As though stopped by some unseen force, Ryder turned again, slowly facing those plate glass windows once more. He could see that Josh's hands were shaking slightly as he tried to concentrate on playing, picking the pencil up then slamming it back down onto the table, chewing on his lower lip.
Josh tried to keep his eyes on the music, but could not help looking up again, not knowing what he wanted to see outside of those windows. He didn't expect Ryder to still be standing there, but he was.
Their eyes met, and again they both turned quickly from each other's nervous gaze. This time, Ryder strode away determinedly, tossing his cigarette underfoot, treading on it as he went.
Josh glanced back a third time, watching him go.
--'Understand what I've become / it wasn't my design / And people everywhere think / something better than I am / But I miss you, I miss / cos I liked it, I liked it / when I was out there�'
* * *
New Rawley
Will walked out of his house, setting off towards Rawley, jamming his hands deep into his pockets.
--'Do you know this? Do you know / You did not find me, you did not find� / Does anyone care?'
*Will's voiceover starts*
'Our families often make us who we are, that much is clear. Our family� our parents, are the one influence in our lives that we cannot escape from, no matter how hard we try. Regardless of who they are, where we are, or how much distance we manage to put between us, it makes no difference. Their presence or their absence will continue to leave its own indelible imprints on us, and as a result, one day we might look back on our lives and realise that it had become something that had never been our design.'
Walking on with resolve, Will ignored his instinct to look back, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall.
--'My mother, my mother she hold me / Did she hold me, when I was out there / My father, my father, he liked me / Oh he liked me, does anyone care? Does anyone care?'
The End
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