Acknowledgement: A HUGE thanks to Lauren and Cordelia, for helping me through a very difficult period when I was all but ready to throw in the towel on the fanfic front. If it weren't for them, this episode would have never been written, so� cheers guys, this is dedicated to you. :) Thank you to Debi and Mae for beta-reading. And hi to mintie who swore that her version of 'I Try' is right� I really was going to take your word for it, but changed my mind again at the last minute� sorry!
Author's Notes: Some points of view raised in the Romeo and Juliet discussion come from Baz Luhrmann and Philip Kerr, I can't take full credit.
Part 1
Teaser
It was mid February, one of those days that was too cold to be called spring and too nice to be called winter. Come lunchtime, students milled about the spacious campus of Rawley Academy, eating, talking, an occasional ball game being played on the fields.
Faye Archer and Scout Calhoun stood at the foot of the dining hall, gaping at something that hung above the stone doorway.
Faye blinked, swallowed, and said with difficulty, " It's� uh, quite tacky, isn't it?"
Scout nodded, speechless.
They were staring at a sparkly red banner that read 'Valentine's Day Luncheon, February 14th, all Rawley students and dates welcome'. The gaudy banner was decorated with red and white heart-shaped balloons all around its sides, and a small teddy bear even hung precariously from it via glittery ribbon tied to the neck, dangling low enough to graze people's heads as they attempt to enter the dining hall.
" It looks like it's been hanged." Faye noted dryly, shaking her head at the bear's martyrdom in the name of Valentine's Day.
Scout squinted to read the finer print on the banner and tried not to laugh, " They booked a string quartet to play while we eat."
" We?" She turned to face him in horror, " We're going to this thing? Please tell me you're joking. I don't think I could eat while a violin is screeching two feet away from me."
" Please," He rolled his eyes, " I'd like to see the day you turn away food."
She grinned, " Touch�. But really, we're going?"
He shrugged, the two of them walking into the dining hall as he spoke, " It's actually a legitimate excuse for getting out of afternoon classes." Catching an incredulous look from her, he hastened to add, " I'm serious. They mark it down on the roll as 'School-related activity'. Also, for your part, there's good food."
" Well, if there's good food�" Faye's voice grew fainter and fainter as they disappeared into the building.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Jake Pratt paced the room, her cell phone held up to her ear. She was in her usual get-up, baggy pants and a short-sleeved shirt layered over a long-sleeved one, and she absently picked at the hem as she spoke into the phone, " Mom, mom, you keep asking. We've had this exchange for like, five times already." She was quiet for a moment as she listened to the voice on the other side, then replied, " Yes, I'm fine. Really."
She was quiet again. Sighing heavily, she shook her head, " Okay, maybe not 'fine'. But I'm coping, okay? Life doesn't suck too much at the moment." She listened as Monica Pratt began talking again, and she furrowed her eyebrows, " Valentine's day? Day after tomorrow?" Glancing at the wall calendar, she raised an eyebrow, " Oh, so it is."
Monica said something else, and she chewed on the inside of her cheek. " I don't know." She said slowly, " Um� well, actually, I haven't told him yet."
" WHAT?" This time Monica's voice roared out of the earpiece, and Jake jerked away with surprise. Monica kept yelling, " What do you mean you haven't told him yet? How could my own daughter's boyfriend not know about the fact that�"
" Look, mom, it's complicated, okay?" Jake put the phone gingerly back to her ear again, cutting Monica off, "� I know, I know� look, let's just drop it, okay? I don't want to talk about it right now." Changing the topic rapidly, she asked, " So� where are you going now?" She started pacing again, stopping in front of the mirror. Observing herself with narrowed eyes, she absently replied, " Frankfurt? For how long?"
She scrutinised her reflection, and brushed a tendril of dark hair from her forehead, " You don't need to be worried about me, really� I'm okay� no, truly, go. Don�t let me stop you." She rubbed her hand over her eyes tiredly, but they opened wide at Monica's next suggestion, " You want me to go with you? To Germany?"
Monica's answer must've been yes because Jake instantly replied, " Uh, NO. I'm fine here, honest! No offence, mom, and I really do want to spend time with you, but being uprooted halfway through the year to a country whose language I can't even speak is not�" Monica cut her off, and she sighed her resignation, letting her mother ramble on. " Fine, fine." She finally said at the end of Monica's rant, just to shut her up, " I'll think about it, okay?"
The door opened as Hamilton Fleming walked in. Jake glanced up for a second before lowering her head again, " Okay, okay, yeah, I promise I'll think about it seriously. All right, I'll hear from you soon, okay? Yeah� bye."
Hamilton sat down on his bed and after a pause, asked, " Was that your mom?"
Jake put the phone down on her dresser, " Yeah."
" Where's she going now?" He asked.
She shrugged, " Germany." Starting towards the door, she seemed to think better of it. Turning back, she glanced at him nervously, " Hamilton�"
" Yeah?" He looked up.
" Um�" She stalled, her eyes searching over his features, feeling herself drawn into the startling blue of his eyes.
He gazed back, those eyes strangely disinterested. As soon as she realised that she was staring, Jake blinked and quickly looked away.
Sometimes she didn't understand why she'd ever be scared to tell him anything.
Then she'd remember.
How much more could their current non-relationship take? How could everything be better after she tells him 'Oh, just wanted to tell you, I nearly got raped on New Year's Eve, that was why I broke up with you when I came back to Rawley and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, but I was on the edge of a nervous breakdown and didn't think there was ever a right time"?
Yeah, right.
He was still looking at her, waiting but evidently not hoping.
He had long since given up on hoping for some sort of breakthrough.
She sighed and turned to leave, " Never mind."
The door closed behind her and he stared at it for a moment.
Expressionless.
Indifferent.
Numb.
Part 2 - *Opening creds and theme song*
Jake and Hamilton's room
It was barely morning, but Jake was already awake. Peeking out from behind the curtains, she contemplated the sunlight that slowly trickled out from the horizon, lighting the dark and slowly creating a new dawn. What feeble rays there were, danced over Rawley Lake, the shadowed waters shimmering where the light had struck.
With a sigh, she let the curtains fall back into place and adjusted her sitting position so that she was on her bed with her legs still tangled in the sheets. Darting a quick look at Hamilton, she made sure that he was asleep before turning back, looking at him with more care, her gaze travelling over his features wistfully.
She had hurt him so much in past weeks, all her pain and confusion transferring onto him, the innocent one who got caught up in the web of wasted days and overstrained emotions.
The situation wasn't without its irony, what with her pushing him away at the beginning, fearing what contact with him might do to her mind; yet now�
The shock had worn off and the pain had ceased and by god she was even ready to move on with her life, but -
She needed to tell him everything, soon. She knew that much. But she feared the consequences. He wasn't something to be used and discarded at will, he was someone with feelings and fears and she was - still is - in love with him. All of which made it harder for her to just come straight out and tell him everything.
Everything. The pain and the humiliation and the confusion and hysteria and anger and how dirty - just how dirty - the whole ordeal left her feeling inside.
She wasn't sure if he could understand that.
And if he could, it still may not be reason enough for hurting him so much lately. Who was it that said two wrongs didn't make a right? Because hurting someone because of your own pain surely falls into that category as well.
So, in one sentence, she was scared.
Scared of Judgement Day, if it were not blasphemous to say so.
She sighed again, just watching him, his dark hair strewn haphazardly over his forehead and his brows slightly furrowed, even in sleep.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy, Common Room
Will Krudski walked into the room and made a beeline for the phone. Sitting down on the armrest of a couch, he picked the receiver up and began to dial.
*Will's voiceover begins*
'So. Valentine's Day. A day of commercialised junk passing as accessories to some higher cause, on the tacky side, but what can I say? We are suckers for this kind of stuff. After all, although the day itself is reigned by the chocolate and the roses and the teddy bears, it is still first and foremost about love. Perfect, untainted love. Affection and attraction and devotion and tenderness and god knows what else that makes it so special, so heart-wrenchingly beautiful. Love is an emotion that needs to be nurtured and cherished, and the people we love� well, I guess Valentine's Day is the day when you show them exactly how much they really mean to you.'
" Hello? Yeah, I would like to confirm a reservation I made a couple days ago." He said into the phone, checking his wristwatch, " � Krudski for eight o'clock tonight."
Scout ambled in from the hallway, and upon seeing Will in the room, he paused at the door. Then, he shrugged and walked in, sitting down in front of the television and flicking it on.
" Yeah, that's me." Will was still talking into the phone, " � Great, great. Thank you." He hung up and turned around. Scout glanced up at him for a second before turning his gaze away again, but Will acknowledged him anyway, " Hey."
" Hey." Scout replied quickly, and looked back to the TV. On second thought, he asked tentatively, " Reservation for dinner?"
Will nearly jumped with surprise, glancing incredulously at his former friend. Scout, likewise, looked shocked at the fact that he actually talked to Will outside the bounds of dutiful pleasantries.
Will smiled anyhow, " Uh, yeah."
Scout nodded awkwardly, turning back to the TV. " Oh, okay."
" Um�" Will was spurred on by this exchange, " So, are you going to the luncheon thing tomorrow?"
After a beat, Scout shrugged, " Um, yeah, I am. With Faye."
" Oh, okay." The taller boy replied, shuffling his feet. Silence reigned for a couple of moments before Will nodded again, " Okay, well, see ya later."
" Bye." Scout replied, not taking his eyes off the TV screen.
Will nodded again before striding away from the room, a slight smile creeping over his features.
* * *
Rawley Girls' Academy, classroom
" Since we've pretty much finished studying the play, I would now like to talk about different film versions of 'Romeo and Juliet', especially the recent modern adaptation which had copped so much flak from critics." The English teacher, Ms Braden, was sitting on the edge of the desk and speaking to the class of ten-or-so girls, " Opinions on adaptation and technique?"
Faye flicked some hair out of her eyes, twirling a pen nimbly between her fingers, " I think the Luhrmann version was awesome."
Anita Simons, another girl in the class, made a face, " I don't think so. I mean, come on, it was just one of those crowd-getting movies with the big-name stars and lots of flashy costumes."
" I know lots of people hate that version of 'Romeo and Juliet'," Faye protested, " But why exactly do you think badly of it? Was it because Leonardo diCaprio was in it? Or because you think, by adapting from the past to the present, it lost of its ingenuity somehow?"
Anita shrugged, tossing her dark, glossy hair over her shoulder, " I'm just saying, it has less class."
" Class has nothing to do with Shakespeare." Faye replied, tapping her pen on the desk impatiently, " That's what's so good about him. You know, back in Elizabethan England all the peasants could get into the theatres as well as the nobles, and the cool thing about Shakespeare is that he catered for everyone."
" What does that have to do with Luhrmann's film?" Another girl asked, leaning forward.
" Everything." Faye replied, " Shakespeare wrote his script so that the commoners could understand it, and it was full of little quips and jokes and generally�" She shrugged, " The language of the street. The film had the great backing of a contemporary soundtrack and there were people rapping and gesturing and using again the language of the street, except it's modern, adapted to our own time. There was no doubt that Luhrmann understood the basics of what Shakespeare wanted to achieve."
" So you're saying that Shakespeare wanted to see his players in Hawaiian shirts, slinging guns and his Mercutio gay?" Anita quipped, and a few girls chuckled.
Faye shot a withering look in her direction, " Firstly, it is debatable whether Mercutio was meant to be gay in that movie, and secondly, Luhrmann did�" She shrugged, " To some degree, rebuild the atmosphere in Shakespeare's day. Though it may not seem like it nowadays, Shakespeare wrote this play meaning for it to be powerful and sexy and violent�"
Ms Braden nodded slowly, smiling, unseen by the other students or Faye, who was still talking with increasing enthusiasm, "� and Luhrmann did it. He's taken the energy, the passion, the low comedy and the high tragedy, and made it into a really great film with awesome cinematography and brilliant young actors�"
" But what about the themes?" Another girl spoke up, " For example, he didn't use the imagery of heavens aspect as fully as you'd expect a filmmaker to."
" There was only one theme that was truly important in that play," Faye insisted, " One theme that overruled everything else."
" Love." Ms Braden finished for her, nodding.
" Right." Faye agreed, " Love was the one driving force behind the lovers to do what they did, and it was the prevailing theme in the whole story."
" I don't think love overruled everything though." Anita argued, " Death did. Even Luhrmann himself admitted that in 'Moulin Rouge'." She quoted from the director's latest cinematic creation, " Death was 'a force darker than jealousy, more powerful than love'."
Faye shook her head, " But death is not a theme. It's unfair to say that 'death is more powerful than love', because death is death, and nothing else besides. Would you arm wrestle with a five-year-old kid and be gleeful when you win? Of course not, because you are so much larger than her. Death is like that, it has no equal, and it has no oppressor. So you can't say that death overcame love, because death applies to�" She shrugged, " � eventually everything in this world, but love is a value that only we have as sentient beings, and that's what's truly beautiful about the play."
The bell punctuated the end of her sentence, and Ms Braden smiled, " We'll discuss this further tomorrow. I believe we have a class right before the Valentine's Day luncheon?" The girls murmured their agreements, and she smiled, " Excellent, all this talk about love fits in nicely with the theme, doesn't it?"
Faye gathered up her books and walked towards the door, tossing a smile over her shoulder, " I dunno, it's two different ends of the spectrum. I think the Bard would have a fit if he saw people trying to link 'Romeo and Juliet' with this day which all hell had been commercialised out of it."
" Agreed." The teacher grinned at her, waving the students out.
* * *
Rawley Academy, Dining Hall
Faye walked past the buffet lunch without so much as a glance at it, pouring herself a cup of coffee before walking over to Jake and Will, who were eating their lunch at one of the long tables next to the French doors. � Hey guys.� She acknowledged them, sitting down, � How�s it going?�
Will smiled and Jake shrugged, � All right.� She replied, � What about you?�
Faye took a sip from her cup, � Excited beyond belief. My best friend�s coming to town in a couple of weeks and I can�t wait.�
� Cool.� Will answered, taking a drink from his glass of water, � Is she coming to Rawley or just visiting?�
� He,� Faye corrected him, � is in a band, and Edmund High has invited them to play at the outdoor concert, you know, the fundraiser for child cancer?� The other two nodded, and she continued, � Also, I think they�re booked for Rawley�s Junior-Senior prom.�
� You�re talking about Amnesia? I heard the prom committee talking about it.� Jake asked, surprised, " They were really happy they managed to book them. That band's a popular choice around prom time."
� Amnesia?� Will piped up, wide-eyed, � Bella loves that band!�
� Yeah, that�s them.� Faye twirled the coffee cup around in her hands, startled that the band seemed a little more famous than she thought, � So, you guys heard of them, obviously?�
� They�re one of the best local bands around the area,� Will informed her, � We tried to book them for the Halloween Ball last semester but in the end they couldn�t make it.�
� Yeah, Scout told me.� Faye replied.
� I used to go to the same school as their singer.� Jake said, thinking of the days when she switched schools every couple of months or so, exhausting almost all the private schools along the East Coast before coming to Rawley.
� You�re kidding!� Faye exclaimed, suddenly alert, � Josh Sutherland? He�s my friend! You went to Andover?�
Jake nodded, � For a while. I didn�t really get to know him though. He was in another grade, and I think he kept to himself a lot.�
� That�d be right.� Faye agreed, smiling, � He�s quite shy at times. I miss him so much, and I'm just so happy that he�s coming to visit.� She sighed, � I just can�t believe he�s going to be here in a couple of weeks! I haven�t heard them play yet, and I�m dying to.�
Will was about to say something when Scout walked up to them, holding a lunch tray. Faye looked up to see him standing there somewhat awkwardly, and she smiled, scooting over so that he had some space, � Hey, come join us.�
Scout paused for a moment, glancing at Will warily, then at Faye again. She pretended not to notice, and he let out a barely audible sigh before sitting down next to her. � Hi.� He said to no one in particular.
� Hi Scout.� Jake replied, darting a look at Will and fully aware of the discomfort that suddenly settled over the table. Will nodded at the other boy.
There was a moment of silence, which was quickly broken by Faye, � Speaking of the prom,� she wondered, � Why are they holding a luncheon for Valentine�s Day instead of hosting a dance like schools normally do?�
Will shrugged, � Tradition?�
� I heard the school has a policy of one formal dance per semester.� Jake told them, � If you have a Valentine�s Day dance, they won�t let you have a prom.�
� Really?� Will was surprised, � I guess that explains it. Well� what do you do at a luncheon, anyway?�
Jake smiled lightly, � You just show up in a dress and eat.�
Scout grinned, � For you, maybe.�
Everyone looked at him, and after a beat he rephrased, looking a little confused, � Okay, maybe not you either, Jake.� Turning to Faye, he asked, � You�re going to wear a dress?�
� I guess.� She replied, taking another sip from her cup, � So, are you guys going?� She asked, looking at Jake and Will.
They glanced at each other. � I dunno. Maybe.� Will said doubtfully.
� Why? Aren�t you taking Bella?� Faye asked, pretending not to notice the vaguely pained expression that crossed Scout�s face.
Will couldn�t help but notice it, however, and shrugged self-consciously, � I don�t know.�
* * *
Caf� Valentino, Carson
� I don�t know.� Bella Banks wondered as the Maitre D� led her and Will to a table and left them a couple of menus. Will pulled the chair out for her and she slid into the seat, smiling by way of thanks.
� Yeah, that�s what I said.� He told her, sitting down himself, � It might be really weird if we go, since Scout�s going to be there, and I don�t know, it�s a Valentine�s Day thing��
� Salt on an open wound.� She finished for him, sighing.
He grinned, � Well, I wouldn�t go that far. He�s coping, Faye�s helping, he even started talking to me again yesterday.�
� Really?� She smiled, � That�s great.�
He nodded, � But I don�t think it�s a good idea for us to go to the luncheon. It�s just going to be� awkward.�
� Definitely.� She agreed, but he couldn�t help noticing that she looked just a little forlorn, and he hurried to ask, � Are you disappointed?�
She looked up with a start, � No, of course not.�
� Are you sure?� He wondered, watching her expression closely.
She shrugged, suddenly uncomfortable under his scrutiny, � Yeah.�
� Bella.� He demanded, reaching for her hand across the table, � Look at me.�
She seemed to ponder the command for a moment before looking up, a little apprehensive.
He sighed, � I know we haven�t been on the best of terms lately.�
She didn�t reply, gazing at him evenly.
� And I know I haven�t been giving you the amount of attention you deserve.� He continued, somewhat self-conscious, � And now it seems as though I don�t even want to take you places��
� Will,� She interrupted him, smiling, � It�s the night before Valentine�s Day, we�re in a beautiful restaurant - the one that we went to on our first date, I might add - and you�ve been apologising non-stop for the last couple of weeks for the fact that you�re a very good friend to Jake. I think that�s enough.� She chuckled, � More than enough, when I put it like that.� Pausing, she looked down, � I may be petty, but I�m not unreasonable.�
� You�re not petty, Bella,� He told her, running the tip of his finger across her palm, � You are important to me, and I guess I haven�t been showing that very much lately. I�m��
� Don�t say sorry.� She stopped him, � Will, you don�t need to be sorry.�
He smiled, � No hurt feelings?�
� None.� She told him, shaking her head.
� Thank you.� He told her softly.
Part 3
Bella's Gas Station
Will was grinning as he came up the road to the gas station, where Bella sat waiting for him, as usual. She couldn't help smiling at the fresh enthusiasm that was so apparent on his face when he bounded up to her, and when he produced a little bouquet of hand-picked flowers from behind his back and presented it with a 'Happy Valentine's Day', she had to laugh. " Thanks." She told him, taking the bouquet from his hands, " Where did you find these flowers?"
He grinned, " Actually, I had to go steal them first thing in the morning from Rawley's greenhouse before any of the other bohemian Romeos had the same idea as me. Not that there'd be many of them at Rawley, mind you."
She chuckled, " You're probably the only one. Thank you, they are lovely."
He looked at her, a smile still playing about his lips, " So�"
She reached up and kissed him, and the moment was all sunshine and happiness and warmth and�
Yeah, love.
It was Valentine's Day, after all.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
" I'm going to move out." Hamilton suddenly declared as he sat on the edge of his bed, watching Jake run a brush through her hair. He wasn't dressed for school yet, clad in a rumpled grey cotton T-shirt and boxers, what he wore to bed the night before.
Jake was so startled she dropped the brush, and it landed with a loud 'clack' on the dresser. " What?" She demanded, turning around.
He shook his head, " You know, I can't do it anymore. I tried to get you to open up to me and I tried to make everything all right, but nothing's working and�" He sighed, " You know what? I'm just so sick of all this. I can't even be bothered explaining properly now, I'm sure you understand anyway."
She watched him, speechless.
He stood up, running a hand through his haphazard hair and grabbing his toothbrush from his dresser, " I'll talk to my dad about going back home, and I'll probably move this weekend, okay? Just thought I'd let you know. You wanted the single room back anyhow."
" Hamilton�" She started to stop him, but cut herself short.
He paused at the door, " Oh, yeah." He muttered distractedly, turning around, " Um� happy Valentine's Day."
She stared at him, and he didn't wait for a reply, letting himself out and closing the door.
* * *
Finn's classroom
Finn was writing on the blackboard, and as usual only half of the class was paying attention. However, this time was different because Will was one of the people not-paying-attention. Jake kept throwing desperate looks at him every two seconds, and he felt compelled to pass a note to her when Finn's back was turned, 'What's wrong?'
'Everything!' Her reply came fast, written on the back of the note, 'He's moving out!'
He glanced at her with confusion when he read the response, and she nodded emphatically to reinforce the point. He raised an eyebrow and wrote 'WHY?', passing the note back toward her.
'Cos I won't tell him anything.' She replied, her handwriting getting messier as she tried to write fast, 'He's getting so sick of all this and so am I, but I can't just tell him anything, can I?'
'I don't know,' He wrote back, 'can you?'
'I DON'T KNOW!' was her answer, accompanied by an agitated glare.
'Okay, okay,' He wrote back, sneaking a glance at Finn, who seemed preoccupied with finishing up their topic of 'The Handmaid's Tale'. Looking back at the note, which was filled with scribbles by now, Will started on a fresh, bigger piece of paper, 'OK, let's look at this objectively: Why you should or should not tell him. Are you scared of his reaction? What is he going to do if you tell him? What is he going to do if you don't tell him? What will you do if you tell him and he doesn't take it well? Is it a good enough idea to gamble on the hope that he will take it well? How long will you be able to hold the secret in if you don't tell him now?'
She took a long time answering, and when he finally got the note back, it read, 'In order: Yes, I have no idea, move out in the weekend, curl up and die, I DON'T KNOW!, forever?'
'But can you get back together with him if you don't tell him everything?' He replied, keeping an eye on Finn, who wasn't noticing the blatant note-passing.
She threw him a panic-stricken look as she passed the note back toward him, 'No, I don't think I can. I mean, I don't think we can.'
'Well, you really don't have a choice left, then, do you?' He shrugged as he passed it back to her.
'But I'm going to hurt him so much. Plus I'm scared, what if he thinks it was partly my fault? What if he doesn't understand why I had to break up with him over that? ' She replied, her handwriting barely legible, having worked herself up into a huge panic.
'You're hurting him now,' He reminded her, 'And it's not going to get better, any of it, if you hold it off.'
'You're right, but I just can't bring myself to do it.' She passed the note back.
'Aren't you deceiving yourself, Jake?' He asked, and was just passing the note back to her when Finn interrupted with a loud "Ahem!" Jake's fingers shrank back from the note in an instant, and Will quickly stuffed the paper into his ringbinder, smiling sheepishly at Finn. The English teacher shook his head and resumed teaching.
Jake had a pitiful expression when she looked back in Will's direction. He shrugged, trying to look sympathetic. She sighed and turned around, sneaking a peek at Hamilton, who stared ahead during the whole lesson, not bothering to look elsewhere, not even at her.
* * *
Rawley Girls' Academy, classroom
Ms Braden glanced at the wall clock, then back at her restless students, " I know, I know." She laughed, " You're all anxious to get to the luncheon, and may I also add, all of you look stunning."
The Rawley luncheon, being a semi-formal affair, called for dresses on the girls' behalf. Having been bundled up in winter clothes for months, most of them went all out in the dressing-up, flimsy fabrics and designer labels galore.
The girls smiled back and Ms Braden continued, " But I need to remind you that it's not time for the luncheon yet, and we need to finish off this topic. Okay, back on track, one of our last discussion questions: Romeo and Juliet, were they really in love?"
An astounding round of 'no's ensued, and Ms Braden raised an eyebrow, " Harsh treatment for one of the most famous couples in English literature. Okay, you say they weren't in love, why?"
Anita smoothed her hair down, " They met, they woo'd, they made exchange of vow, and got married the next day. That's not love, that's stupidity."
" I guess this brings us to the question whether you believe in love at first sight." Ms Braden answered.
" I don't think you can fall in love with someone at first sight. You can have chemistry at first sight, and you can become obsessed with them very easily, but that's not love." Anita replied.
Another girl spoke up, " Also, they're incredibly young. Is it feasible to say that a couple of fourteen- year olds truly understand love?"
" So what is love exactly, in your eyes?" Faye asked, toying with her pen.
" Not what they had." Anita was quick to dismiss, " If the plan had worked and Romeo 'rescued' Juliet from the vault, I think they'd grate on each other's nerves pretty damn quickly after the two of them escaped from Verona. Once the blind fixation with each other had worn out, they would've realised that they'd thrown their lives away for an infatuation, would've been forced to live a lacklustre life as outlaws - legally married so that they couldn't escape each other even if they wanted to - and suffer a miserable existence in Mantua, cut off from family and friends."
" So you think it was a judgement error?" Ms Braden asked, looking slightly thrown.
" Pretty much." Anita agreed.
" But are you really doubting that they were in love, say, during the balcony scene, or when they first met, or when they got married?" Faye wondered, sketching absently.
" Yes!" Anita exclaimed, " That wasn't love, it was lust and rashness and stupid teenage 'I think I know more than I actually do' poetic expression!"
" It wasn't purely poetic expression," Faye defended her beliefs, " That's why Rosaline was used in the first place, to show the difference between Romeo's love for her and for Juliet."
" I won't deny that there's a difference between these two consecutive loves, but I don't think either of them is real love." Anita was stubborn.
" But what is real love? And where does it exist except in the mind of the lover?" Faye asked, " In my opinion, they were in love, and very much so. That's what makes it a tragedy. You can argue it was blind lust or teenage rashness whatever, but in their eyes, it was this pure, perfect love, and I think that's enough explanation for all the actions."
" In their eyes." Ms Braden repeated, " Faye, can you elaborate further?"
" We are constituted from our thoughts and our feelings." Faye said slowly, " If you feel like you're in love and believe yourself to be truly in love, who has the right to say so otherwise?"
" I don't know," Anita was sarcastic, " Sane people?"
" Have you ever been in love?" Faye turned on her and demanded. Without waiting for an answer she continued, " The play was made up of millions of moments strung together, and every single moment when Romeo and Juliet were onstage with one another, they knew themselves to be in love, and that's all you can ask of anyone!"
" But we know what they're feeling is false, it can't have been love! You need affection as well as passion, you need reality as well as fantasy!" Anita argued.
" You don't know what they were feeling." Faye replied quietly, " And I believe that they felt it. They were in love with each other. Their love was tentative and young and untainted and tender and most of all, true."
" They believed, therefore they were." Someone else agreed.
" What you believe to be true isn't necessarily true." Anita was adamant.
" But if you can't trust your own feelings and your thoughts, what can you trust?" Faye asked.
" Do you really place this much faith in what you feel?" Anita asked, disbelieving, " I don't know, it just sounds� dangerous."
" Maybe to those who aren't ready to face up to whatever they're feeling." Faye replied, then smiled a little, " I wasn't meaning you, by the way."
Anita paused, wondering if she was being sarcastic. Ms Braden was quick to jump in, " So we've managed to agree that they thought they were in love, we're just diverging on whether it was correct for them to believe in that."
" Precisely." Faye nodded.
" I guess it really depends on how much you trust yourself." Someone else spoke up timidly, being too overwhelmed by Faye and Anita's verbal battle to have contributed much to the conversation.
" And how much you want to be in love." Anita said pointedly, " They were children with fantastic misconceptions, and they were dying to fall in love - no pun intended - which is why they did. They found someone to be mutually infatuated with. It couldn't have run deeper than that, their whole meet-woo-marry-die thing had all happened within a week."
" I agree that the time frame was tight and verging on the obscure here. But they wouldn't have believed what you said." Faye pointed out, " In their eyes, their love was true despite the tiny length of time they had known each other. For them, it was perfect love."
" There's no such thing as perfect love." Anita replied, and the bell rang.
" But wouldn't it be nice to believe that it's possible?" Faye asked, as they stood up, gathering their books. " That's why I admire Romeo and Juliet so much. They weren't stupid, they knew what they were getting themselves into - The hate between the families would've been drilled into them as they were growing up - but they still went ahead and did everything, climbed the balcony, got married, killed themselves� All that was done because they believed that their love was true. In the end it doesn't matter whether it was real or not, all that mattered was they thought it was and believed that it was right, and everything else was just consequence."
Ms Braden grinned, waving goodbye to the students as they trickled out the door, taking last looks at themselves in pocket mirrors before showing up at the luncheon, " It's rare indeed, that we get into such a heated discussion about some topic, only to acknowledge in the end that it didn't even matter. We might have to talk about that tomorrow. Have fun at the luncheon, ladies."
* * *
Finn's classroom
" Have fun at the luncheon, gentlemen. Mr Krudski, Mr Pratt, can I see you two for a minute?" Finn called at the end of the lesson. Jake and Will glanced at each other and walked up to the front desk, while the rest of the students piled out of class.
" You guys are generally faultless." Finn didn't waste time beating around the bush, " So I was quite disappointed to see you paying so little attention in class."
" Sorry." The two of them mumbled. " We won't do it again." Will added.
Finn scrutinised them before breaking into a smile, " I know." Checking his watch, he added, " The luncheon's waiting. Hurry or you'll be late." The two nodded and walked out. Finn watched their backs for a moment before turning away to gather up his papers.
He exited the classroom and practically collided head-on with a huge bouquet of flowers. With a short exclamation of surprise, Steven Fleming's head emerged from behind it. " Finn!"
" Dean Fleming." Finn replied, smiling, " That bouquet's a hazard."
The Dean laughed, " It's a Valentine's thing for Kate. You think she'd like this sort of thing?"
Finn nodded, trying to keep his smile neutral, " I'm sure she'll love it. Are you two going to the luncheon?"
Steve shook his head, chuckling, " She forbade me to go, because she knew that I'd forgo any sort of romance in lieu of being the Dean as long as I remain at Rawley. We're going out to a restaurant for lunch."
Finn nodded again, feeling his face muscles beginning to ache with the exertion of smiling, " Well, have a good time."
" I'm sure we will." Steve replied, starting to walk past him, " I'll see you later, Finn."
" Bye." The younger man answered, turning to watch as the Dean disappeared down the hall.
* * *
Edmund High
Bella was headed for the cafeteria, walking down the locker-lined corridors, when a very out-of-breath Will skidded to a stop in front of her. " Hey." He panted, bending over a little and placing his hands on his knees, trying to get his breathing pattern back to normal, " I'm glad I caught you."
" Will!" She exclaimed, " Is something wrong? What are you doing here?"
He grinned up at her, his face red from exertion, " What do you say we take the afternoon off? I biked all the way from Rawley as soon as class was let out."
" What, skip classes?" Her eyes widened, " What are you talking about?"
He paused for a moment to catch his breath, then smiled, " I know you wanted to go to the luncheon."
" But we already�" She started to say, and he cut her off, " We're not going, Bella."
" Huh?" She was perplexed, " So what are you doing?"
" Well, are you going to skip your afternoon classes or not?" He asked mischievously, " It's a Valentine's surprise."
She laughed, " I can't believe Will Krudski is suggesting that I cut classes."
" It's for a good cause." He told her, straightening up once he could breathe properly again.
" And what is that?" She asked, smiling.
" You." He was serious. " And me. Together. On Valentine's Day."
She peeked up at him shyly through her lashes and he beamed at her, " Well?"
She couldn't help but laugh.
Part 4
Rawley Boys� Academy, dorms
Jake wandered down the halls, passing a few stragglers who were hurrying to the luncheon. The dorms were deserted, almost all of the students opting to go to the luncheon instead of going to classes. She briefly wondered where all the single people went (they must�ve had some at Rawley, right?), but decided that they too, probably went anyway. There weren�t any rules that single people couldn�t go to the luncheon, though she felt that it somewhat defied the purpose of it. Shrugging, she walked on, heading for the second-floor.
Since the boathouse was really too cold in the winter to be a proper thinking spot, she had found a new one indoors. The second floor of the dorms had been built with the centre cut out, having only the rims house the dorm rooms and handrails all around the large square space in the middle. This was mostly so that teachers could see what was happening downstairs in the main foyer without physically going down the stairs, but also provided many nice quiet corners to stand, watch people, and think.
The luncheon was being held in the main foyer, since it was a full-school event and there were no other places that could house this amount of people. Tressel tables were set up in long rows, covered in fresh white tablecloths and adorned with the occasional vase of miniature red roses. As forewarned, a string quartet was set up to one side, and were playing a craftily adapted version of Bach.
She couldn�t remember who it was that said humans did not look above eye-level, and for the most part it was true. Though she had a very good view of the luncheon from where she was standing, none of the students or teachers had seen her, seemingly too involved with the chatting and the showing off and the laughing and the eating and the flirting.
They all seemed so insignificant from up here, she mused. It was astounding to think that every single one of those people down there had complicated, angst-and-euphoria filled lives. Just like her.
She needed some time alone, to think about what to say to Hamilton, the whens and the wherefores, and to mentally brace herself against anything that he might say, or do, or�
� Hamilton!� She exclaimed, when footsteps startled her out of her reverie. Turning abruptly, she saw him walk up into the darkened corner of the floor, � What are you doing here?�
He came up beside her, running his fingers over the handrails, � This is a nice place to come and think about stuff.� He admitted.
� Yeah, it is.� She agreed, turning back to look at the people below.
He stared down at the luncheon for a while, at the multitudes of people surrounded by the notion of Valentine's Day. He blinked as sudden realisation hit him: They, of all people, weren't down there.
The thought was more than upsetting, though it really shouldn't have been. After all, Valentines Day was synonymous with commercialism, right?
But then what was the reason for this dark hollow emptiness that had wedged itself in his throat, in his chest, in his head, everywhere? He and Jake were spending Valentines Day as though they were strangers. Instead of being down there soaking up the ambience - cheesy as it was - on the most romantic day of the year, they were up here, separated from everyone else, and the future of their relationship seemed non-existent.
He sighed, leaning forward and placing his forehead on the handrail, feeling the smooth wood against his skin.
Jake watched him, feeling anxiety build like an ever-expanding bubble inside of her. She had been psyching herself up all day to try and do this, to start telling him� well, everything. Now that the moment was finally here, she found herself frozen with fear.
Did she truly expect that he would listen to her and welcome her back with open arms? After all the hurt that she had caused him? Never mind about Grant nearly raping her and the whole terrible ordeal back in London, this was not about that anymore, but about�
Him and her.
Jake and Hamilton.
Would he understand why she didn�t come to him from the start?
Would he understand why she had to push him away?
And if he did, would it be reason enough for him to forget about all the pain that she had caused?
The words were forming at the tip of her tongue but she stubbornly held onto the moment, wanting to keep the decision for a second longer, wanting to keep this control over herself and her life and her love, before she let it all go and see if it really does, like the saying goes, come back to her.
He beat her to it, � Jake��
She gave an involuntary start, cutting him off before she realised what she was doing, � Hamilton, I� need to talk to you.�
He glanced at her quickly and her eyes darted nervously his way, a cold shiver running up her spine as she forced herself to keep talking. � You�re not going to like what I�m about to say, but I guess I have to tell you sooner or later.�
There was a moment�s pause as she waited for him to say something. And when the response came, it was a laugh, short and bitter.
" No, you don't." He said.
She blinked. " What?"
He straightened up, training his eyes on the people in the luncheon crowd instead of her, " I don't want to know."
She could feel her heart hammering wildly in her chest, the unexpected turn of events throwing her off guard, " What do you mean you don't want to know? You've been asking me to give you some sort of explanation for months!"
His gaze came to rest on her face, " I know." He said quietly.
She did not dare to look away, lest she let some expression on his part slip by unnoticed.
" And frankly," He continued, " I've had enough. I spent months and months hoping that you'd give me an answer and I've just gotten so tired of it I don't even need an explanation from you anymore. I came here today to tell you that I don't want to know. Any of it. I don't want�"
" Hamilton!" She cut him off, " So what is this? Payback?"
" No." He replied softly, " It's not."
" I� I can't believe this!" She exclaimed, running both of her hands through her hair, " I finally� finally try to open up to you and�"
" And what?" he retorted, " You want me to fall to my knees and thank god that you decided to tell me why, after all this time? I think it's too little, too late!"
She stared at him incredulously, " What are you saying?"
" I�m saying that I don't care anymore." He told her, his eyes steely, " I've been here for you ever since - before - you came back, and I've been here forever, just waiting for you to open up to me, and you never did. You picked Will to confide in instead of me, and as far as I can tell, you tried to erase me out of your life altogether. So tell me," He swallowed, fixing his piercing gaze to hers, " What gives you the right to assume I'll still be here when you finally decide to get over this pathetic game of yours?"
She stared at him, her face draining of colour. " I can't believe you're saying this to me, Hamilton." She whispered, stunned.
" Believe it." He told her, setting his jaw, " I'm sick and tired of this whole thing, me trailing after you like some sort of hungry puppy desperate for any bone you throw at me. I'm a person, damn it! Sometimes I feel like you don't understand that at all!"
" But I'm trying to make it better!" She exclaimed, pounding the handrail with her fist, " If you'd just let me tell you�"
He sighed, " You know what, just save it." Turning to walk away, he glanced at her over his shoulder, " Whatever you have to say, I'm not interested anymore."
She fought the rising lump in her throat and brought a trembling hand to her face, her sanity riding on razorblades, " Don't walk away from me, Hamilton." She pleaded, " Please."
He paused with his back to her, so that she couldn't see his face crumpling. " Give me one good reason why." He choked out.
" Because I need you." She told him, gripping the handrail so hard that her knuckles were turning white, " And I'm going to tell you everything, and you'll understand, I know you will."
If you'd only stay.
He was silent for a moment, standing still as a statue.
Love.
Forgiveness.
And a good reason why.
No, he didn't believe that. He wished that he was still that romantic, that easy to please, but it wasn't that simple any more. Not after those long winter months that he had spent solitary and melancholic, reaching deep - too deep - into his own life and digging up whatever he could find, trying to piece together the puzzle that she had presented him. He had exhausted his mind and his heart in trying to figure out what it meant for her to be treating him this way for so long, and finally, all this over-contemplation lead to one thing, a pinnacle of overt soul-searching.
Indifference.
Too tired to think up reasons, excuses and the like. Too frustrated to be of any use in loving somebody. Though he loved her - god how he did - he couldn't stand it anymore. If he had kept that desperate search for answers up for much longer, there would've been nothing left in him, an empty shell of a boy who was forced to grow up too fast.
And now she wanted forgiveness, and now she wanted to tell him everything, and now she was saying, she could make it all better.
He wished he could believe all that.
-- " I'm messing with your head, dude."
That was what she once said, wasn't it?
Jake was still watching him, just standing there, his back to her.
Then he walked away.
* * *
Rawley Academy
Faye traipsed up to the main hall, and she could see through the French doors that the luncheon was beginning. Furrowing her brows, she looked around her, trying to find Scout, who had said to meet her at the door.
He was nowhere in sight, but she caught a glimpse of something interesting anyhow. It was a guy on a bike and a girl sitting on the handlebars, cruising down the perimeter of the lake and coming to a stop near a grove of trees, partially hidden from view. She grinned when she realised that it was Bella and Will, the two of them evidently forgoing the luncheon for something that was decidedly more Townie, but no less romantic.
She craned her neck, observing the couple as Bella jumped off the now-stationary bike, sharing a brief kiss with Will before unhooking something from the backseat of the bike.
" What are you looking at?" Scout asked, coming up behind her. The poster boy for occasion dressing, he had on charcoal chinos and a grey silk shirt with the sleeves rolled up, the colour offsetting his blue eyes.
She didn't turn around but just pointed a finger in the general direction of Will and Bella, " Them."
He looked along her outstretched arm and sighed, " Why do you keep doing this, Faye?"
" Pointing them out to you?" She asked, " Because it's good for you. Because someone has to teach you to see how cute they are when they're with each other. Because someone needs to make you move on from this."
He raised an eyebrow, " Good answer."
" Thank you." She smiled, " Am I doing an okay job?"
" Constantly." He answered, tilting his head a little and observing Will and Bella in the distance. They had set up what seemed to be a picnic, and settled down at the side of the lake, laughing and talking.
Faye watched him when he was watching them, her violet eyes calculating.
" You know what?" He suddenly remarked, turning to look at her, " I'm starting to get it."
" Get what?" She asked tentatively.
" Why forgiveness is a virtue." He said softly, the corners of his eyes crinkling.
She stared at him for a moment before casting her eyes elsewhere, a smile breaking over her features. " Good." She said softly, turning and leading the way inside.
He stood still for a moment, watching her retreating figure, then at Will and Bella by the lake. Tearing his gaze from them, he hurried to join Faye inside.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Jake fumbled with the door handle, stumbling into the room and slamming the door behind her.
Covering her face with one hand, she bit down hard on her lip, determined not to burst into tears. Taking several deep breaths, she walked across the room and sat down heavily on her bed, burying her head in her hands.
This can't be happening.
How could something so beautiful and innocent and loving come to� this?
So was it over, then?
Somehow it seemed too surreal.
She felt like she was suffocating from the sheer revelation that she and Hamilton may not be indestructible after all; she had never thought that everything would come to this, tumbling down like a house of cards.
She had gotten so wrapped up in her own fears that she had completely overlooked the fact that he might not be there when she was ready to turn to him.
And now�
She wished she had never come back after winter break. Couldn't she just have stayed with her mother in London? Why did she come back in the first place?
Because he was here, and home was where the heart is.
But now it all came crashing down. And nothing was ever going to be�
Well, there was nothing, period.
God, she needed to get away.
She suddenly looked up, frenetic resolve in her eyes. Springing to her feet, she grabbed her cell phone off the dresser and her address book from her bedside table, flipping through it frantically.
* * *
by Rawley Lake
" This is a great idea." Bella admitted, taking a sip from the mug of hot chocolate she held in her hands, " I haven't had a picnic in so long."
Will grinned at her, " You don't mind missing school then?"
" Are you kidding?" She laughed, " It's either this or geometry and algebra."
He made a face, " Nasty."
" Tell me about it." She sighed, then brightened again, " But what was I saying? I love this, Will, you really know how to make a girl's day special."
He reddened, chuckling, " Well, thank you."
" So�" She peered at him coyly through her lashes, " What now?"
He was just about to reply when he caught sight of Hamilton's lone figure on the docks. He was skipping stones, flinging them with such force that he appeared dangerously close to falling off the docks himself, propelled by his own angry momentum.
" Hold that thought." Will told Bella with a grimace, " Look over there."
She looked and frowned, " He doesn't seem happy."
" You think we should go talk to him or something?" He wondered.
" You should." She told him, " I think he's upset - even more than usual. You're great at calming people down, Will, you should go and see what he's so agitated about. I'll wait here."
He got up but looked at her with concern, " You're going to be all right here?"
She nodded, " Sure."
" All right." He smiled, " I'll be right back."
Part 5
Rawley Academy, the docks
Will hurried along the docks and up to Hamilton, who turned when he heard footsteps coming his way.
" Hey." The taller boy acknowledged him, " How's it going?"
Hamilton attempted a laugh, " Actually, everything is pretty much the worst it can possibly be."
" Wanna talk?" Will asked tentatively.
The other boy glanced at him, " not really."
" Come on," Will grinned at him, " You can talk to me."
Hamilton didn't answer, sending another stone skipping across the tranquil surface of the lake, ripple rings spreading where it skimmed over the water.
" It's Jake, isn't it." Will commented, watching the pebble disappear out of sight after five or six skips into the distance.
Hamilton had to laugh at the relative absurdity of the question, " What else?"
Will sighed, " You know, she will tell you what's going on. I know that for a fact, she's so close to telling you everything."
" I know." Hamilton replied blandly, skipping another stone.
Will raised an eyebrow.
" God, why does everyone just assume that my sole purpose in life is to wait and hear what she has to say?" Hamilton exclaimed suddenly, eyes blazing, " Has anyone considered the possibility that I don't even want to know now?"
Will was taken by surprise, " Ham, what are you saying?"
" That I don't care anymore." Hamilton hurled another stone into the lake, not bothering to keep it afloat. The stone dove under the surface and sent up a small splash. He shook his head but didn't continue talking.
" You don't care?" Will repeated, " But what about�"
" It's over, Will." Hamilton told him, swallowing, " Somebody had to walk away."
" But�" Will opened his eyes wide, trying to say something, but Hamilton cut him off, " She wanted to tell me, but I didn't let her." He bit down hard on his lower lip, " It's time to put all of this behind me. I've had enough." Not realising Will�s silence was one of utter shock, he carried on, � Do you know what I�ve been through in the past couple of weeks, thinking this over and over? I can�t deal with hanging in the middle of nowhere, I have to do something��
" You idiot!" Will exploded, " Do you have any idea what you've just done?"
Hamilton recoiled at Will's uncharacteristic outburst, " What?"
Will was at a loss for words, for once, " You� you� oh my god, what have you done?"
" I don't know!" Hamilton exclaimed, unaccustomed to seeing the other boy so flustered, and it was worrying him, " You tell me!"
" I� I�" Will put a hand to his forehead and tried to get his thoughts out in logical order, " You told her you didn't want anything to do with her anymore? You didn't let her tell you what happened?"
" I had to!" Hamilton shouted, " Do you know how much this had killed me lately? I can't deal with it anymore! Whatever her season is, she left it too late to tell me!"
" God, I could beat the crap out of you!" Will yelled, " Do you have any idea what she's been through in these few months? You are going to kill her!"
" What about me? What about what I've been through?" Hamilton retorted, " Doesn't anyone care about what I feel? What was so damn important that she had to lock me out of her life for? It's not fair to me, has anyone considered that?"
" This isn't about YOU!" Will shouted, " Do you know what she put herself through, just so she could get enough courage to come and talk to you? And you turned her away!"
Hamilton stared at him. " You know what?" He finally said, " I don�t get this. I don't get any of it."
" Of course you don't." Will told him vehemently, " Because you won't let her explain."
" I tried to get her to explain for months!" Hamilton exclaimed, " She wouldn't! And now she finally decides to tell me, and I'm supposed to be nothing but grateful about it and kiss her feet? I'm telling you, I don't care anymore!"
" Of course you care." Will told him, " You love her, don't you?"
Hamilton turned away, " But that isn't enough.�
� What happened to you, man?� Will exclaimed, � Listen to yourself! I�ve never heard you talk like this before, especially not about Jake. You�re not the Hamilton Fleming I know, who�d do anything� God, you�re pretending to be gay for her sake! And are you saying it all means nothing now? I don�t believe it. I don�t believe you.�
Hamilton sighed, � She has messed with my head too much, dammit, I can't handle it."
" But shouldn't you at least know why she did all those things?" Will asked.
Hamilton swallowed, " What good would that do?"
" Well, at least you won't walk away from her knowing nothing about what she has been through." Will told him, running a hand through his hair.
Hamilton turned around to face him, setting his jaw, " So talk."
" I� I can't." Will stammered, " I promised her I wouldn't tell anyone."
" But she was going to tell me anyway." Hamilton argued, " Look, if you think I need to know this, if you think I'm making the biggest mistake of my life, then tell me."
" I think you know yourself that you are making the biggest mistake of your life." Will said quietly.
Hamilton was silent for a long time, and when he finally spoke, there was a slight tremor in his voice, " I just couldn't� stand it any longer, Will."
Will sighed as Hamilton looked away, " I need some sort of direction, I need to be in control of my own life again."
" But you were so close." Will stared at him intently, " If you didn't let your pride stand in the way, if you had heard what she was about to say�"
" Would it make everything better?" Hamilton whispered.
Will didn't reply.
Hamilton gazed at him imploringly, " Would it?"
" I think you know the answer." Will finally said.
Hamilton turned his head to look out over the water. Almost subconsciously, his gaze travelled along the shore and toward the dorms, landing on the small window in the distance that he knew to be his room. It was too far away and too high up for him to see anything inside, but he knew that she must've been there, as pained and lost and confused as he was.
He turned back, the stubbornness in his eyes giving way to something else.
" Do you know I've always thought of you guys as the perfect couple?" Will mused, " For the longest time, I had always thought that you had the purest, most perfect love in this whole world. And then�" He shook his head, " I can't believe it has come to this. I don't think you can either."
" No." Hamilton admitted, " I can't." Lifting his eyes once more, he pleaded, " Just tell me why she did all this, please."
" Why don't you just go ask her yourself?" Will asked.
Hamilton just looked at him, " Will, I just told her I don't want anything to do with her. Do you think it's even remotely likely that she'll turn around now and tell me what's going on? If you think I need to know something, spit it out, and I'll make the decisions for me, okay?"
Will looked away, his mind reeling. What was the harm? Hamilton was going to find out anyhow. He just couldn't believe that he was the one to break the news.
He sighed, looking at Hamilton once more. The latter had his eyes fixed on him, apprehensive to a fault.
Will sighed again, " Do you remember her talking about her mom's boyfriend?"
" Yeah, Grant." Hamilton fought the overwhelming urge to jump to conclusions, " What about him?"
" He tried to rape her." Will said softly, watching the other boy's face drain of all colour, " He drugged her drink at a party on New year's Eve."
Hamilton blinked, then blinked again. She was� was she raped? Will said 'tried' did that mean Grant didn't what did he mean drugged her drink with what what was she doing all that time what did he do to her what did she do what happened next did what he think happened really happen or did it not really happen but something must've happened because otherwise why would anything happen since then what did she think he would do once he found out what was she going on about what is he thinking about did that mean� what did that mean?
And suddenly he understood. He totally understood. The confusion and the anger and the hurt, but most of all the need for space, just so she wouldn't explode.
Because that was exactly what he was feeling right now.
It was too much� too much to comprehend, too much to grasp, too much to be resolved, and nothing to hold on to. All the hurt and confusion that had simmered in him for the past months were suddenly brought to light, and it felt like being slammed head first into a brick wall.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
' Dear Hamilton,
I can't believe it has come to this, I can't believe everything we've shared ended up like this, but I guess that's just how things are, sometimes. You know there's no reason for me to stay at Rawley anymore, maybe it's for the best. Sometimes I wish things had been different, then maybe�
Well it doesn't really matter now, does it? I'm leaving Rawley, and this time it's for real. I don't think I can bear to say anything to you in person, and I'm not sure if I want to. So, this is goodbye.
I'll see ya when I see ya, Jake'
Jake put her pen down and set the note on Hamilton's desk, where he was sure to see it. Grabbing her backpack off her bed, she looked around the room.
She didn't bother taking anything other than a change of clothes and a few other essentials, but she was leaving.
Gazing around the room that she had occupied for half a year, she could feel the finality of what she was about to do settle over her, reopening all the old wounds.
Shaking her head resolutely, she opened the door and walked out.
The heavy mahogany door closed behind her, the sound echoing just a little around the room before dying out.
The room was quiet, silent, as it was prone to be when no one was inside. A breeze from the open window stirred the note on Hamilton's desk, and the edge of the paper fluttered like the wings of some rare, delicate butterfly.
The door flew open and Hamilton burst into the room, " Jake�"
The words died on his lips as he took in the empty room. Catching sight of the note on his desk, he picked it up and began to read.
* * *
by Rawley Lake
" So is everything sorted out?" Bella asked as Will joined her on the picnic blanket.
He sighed heavily, " I hope so."
She touched him on the arm, " I'm sure you did your best."
" Bella," He began, looking at her intently, " I'm so sorry� every time I make plans for us to be together, something always has to come up, and that is so unfair to you�"
" Will." She laughed before he could carry on with the apologies, " We've done this a million times. I understand your need to be a friend to everybody, and I respect that. Don't worry about it, really."
He smiled at her, clasping her hand, " Thank you."
She grinned back, " So, where were we?"
* * *
Rawley Academy, dorms
Hamilton's frantic footsteps echoed down the halls as he ran to knock on the door of the Dean's office, " Dad?" He yelled through the thick wood, and without waiting for an answer he barged right in.
There was no one in the office and he groaned with frustration, coming back out into the hall and turning to run straight into Finn.
" The Dean's not here." The teacher told him.
" Obviously." Hamilton was in no mood to be pleasant, especially not to Finn. " Do you know where he went?"
" Out for lunch with K� your mother." Finn quickly rephrased.
" Great, just great." Hamilton spat out, massaging his temples and swearing under his breath.
" Is something wrong?" Finn asked, furrowing his brows.
Hamilton glared at him for a moment, " I don't think that's any of your business."
Finn was used to such blatant hostility from Hamilton ever since he found about his affair with Kate. Shaking his head slightly, he simply walked away. Hamilton started to run off in the other direction before stopping dead in his tracks and turning back, " Finn." He called uncertainly.
The teacher turned around, " Yeah?"
Hamilton swallowed, " Hey, look, can you� um, can you do me a favour? I'm sorta desperate here and�"
" What is it?" Finn asked immediately, walking back.
" I need a ride to Boston. Well, Logan airport." Hamilton confessed, " I don't really have any time to explain, but�"
" God, I wish I could help." Finn exclaimed, " But I can't. My car�s in the shop and��
His sentence trailed to an end as Hamilton ran off again without waiting for him to finish.
* * *
Rawley Academy: luncheon
" You should try this." Faye told Scout, struggling with an enormous coffee �clair, " It's delicious."
He laughed as a huge glob of cream filling dripped onto her plate when she bit into it, " And you can't get any messier than that either."
" Oh, come on." She pretended to flick some cream at him, " Where's your sense of adventure?"
He raised an eyebrow, " Adventure is trying to eat an �clair?"
She shrugged, " Betcha can't do it without dripping."
He grinned, " No thanks, I'd rather watch you eat it. It's a constant source of entertainment."
The sounds of the string quartet had long been overpowered by the increasing volume of the luncheon-goers, which was unsurprising, since most of the school had congregated here in the main foyer.
Scout watched Faye attack the �clair for a few more moments before saying, " Did I mention that you look great?"
She turned to him quizzically, yet another glob of cream falling on her plate, " You've seen this dress many, many times, Scout."
" Twice." He grinned, " I was with you when you bought it."
" Ah, yes." She recalled, smiling, " I think that was the first day I came to Rawley."
" It was." He remembered fondly, " You asked me if I wanted to come with you to buy some clothes, and then�"
" We stole Ryder's car." She finished for him, " Well, okay, 'stole' was probably not the right word, I mean, he is my brother, and I didn't hot-wire it or anything�"
He laughed. " What?" She demanded.
" Nothing." He shook his head, " It's just that it reminded me of the time we actually stole Ryder's car."
She grinned, " This sounds interesting, do go on."
" Um, okay." He frowned, recalling the incident in the summer, " It all started with this letter that Bella wrote�"
" Excuse me." A voice interrupted him, and they turned to see a girl standing behind them, her arm hooked through a basket of long-stemmed roses, " Would you like to buy a rose for the lady you're with, sir?" She asked.
Scout glanced at Faye, who smiled, " Oh, we're not�" She began, but he cut her off, nodding at the salesgirl and reaching for his wallet, " Of course."
Faye looked at him, surprised.
*Soft strains of Air's 'Playground Love' can just be heard in the background*
A slight blush crept up his cheek as he selected a white rose from the basket, handing a couple of bills to the salesgirl.
Faye was still staring at him, the shock in her violet eyes slowly subsiding. She hardly noticed the small smile that broke over her own features, looking down for a moment before glancing back at him again.
He turned around and somewhat shyly presented the rose to her, " Mademoiselle."
" Merci, monsieur." She replied with distraction as she took the rose from his hands, eyes still intently searching over his face. Her fingers brushed against his for just a second, lending the moment a delicate sweetness, a sensation both familiar and new.
--'You're the piece of gold / That flashes on my soul / Extra time / On the ground / You're my playground love�'
He smiled slowly, and with that she had to smile, too.
" Do you�" He started.
" You are�" She began at the same time, and the two of them grinned at each other. " You go first." He told her, and she nodded, her eyes never leaving his, " I was going to say, you're�"
" Faye! I'm so glad I found you!" A voice interrupted yet again, and they tore their gazes away from each other to see Hamilton weaving his way through the tressel tables, " God, please tell me you have your car here."
" I have my car here." She nodded, alarmed at the degree of desperation in his voice, " What's up?"
" I need to get to Logan airport." He told them, " Can you give me a ride?"
" You wanna get to Boston?" She asked, surprised, " What's going on?"
" It� it's Jake." He stumbled over his words, " She's gone."
" What do you mean she's gone?" Scout asked.
" She� she was really upset and I was an idiot and I didn't want to listen to her� Look, I can't get into this right now, okay?" Hamilton was beyond agitation, " All I want to know is, I think she's headed that way and I need to catch up to her. Can you give me a ride?"
" Sure." Faye replied immediately, grabbing her coat, " Come on." The three of them threaded past the luncheon tables and headed toward the French doors, Faye asking as they went along, " How do you know where she went?"
" Her mom's in Frankfurt." Hamilton replied, " She would've gone to join her."
Faye stopped in her tracks, " But do you know for sure? I mean, for all you know she could be on a train to New York right now. How do you know she's flying out from Logan airport? Is this all guesswork on your part? Because as me-like as it may seem, I don't like going on wild goose-chases."
Almost too tense to talk, Hamilton waved a piece of paper at her, and she took it for inspection.
It was a few hastily scribbled words, evidently Jake's handwriting.
'Flight 421, Boston to Frankfurt, departure 1650 14 Feb'
" Whoa, rash decision." She commented, leading the two of them into a run towards the parking lot, " But that's enough evidence for me."
As they ran she sneaked a small peek at Scout, and he smiled back at her.
--'Any time, anywhere / You're my playground love�
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
Jake pulled to a screeching stop inside the gas station. Getting off her motorcycle, she ran to knock on the door.
Charlie Banks opened it. " Hi, Jake." He smiled, " What can I do for you?"
" Hi Mr Banks." Jake said breathlessly, " Is Bella home?"
Charlie frowned, " It's not even 2 o'clock, Jake. School hasn't finished yet."
Jake smacked her forehead with her hand, " Of course. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Look�" She bit her lip, " Can I leave her a note or something? I'm kinda in a hurry to go somewhere and I can't really wait�"
" Sure." Charlie nodded, " Why don't you come in? I'll go get you a pen and some paper."
" Thank you so much." Jake said gratefully, following him into the shop.
* * *
New Rawley, Main Street
" How much of a head start did she have?" Faye asked Hamilton, who was sitting beside her in the car, his face pale and strained.
" About twenty or thirty minutes, I think." He answered, thinking hard, " I wasted some time sitting there in shock and trying to look for my dad."
" Her bike can't go too fast though." Scout commented from the backseat, " At least, not when you compare it to Faye's driving."
" Half an hour is nothing." Faye smiled, shifting gears, " Now sit back, enjoy the ride, and we'll catch up to her before she even gets to Boston."
The car zoomed past the gas station, none of them noticing Jake's bike outside the shop.
* * *
Gas Station
Jake reread the note softly.
-' Bella, I know I haven't been a very good friend lately, and I'm so sorry for not being able to tell you a lot of things. Right now everything just became so complicated I don't think I can deal with it anymore, so I'm going to Germany to be with my mom, for a while at least. I can't really talk about anything right now, but I'll get in touch soon.
Love, Jake'
" It'll have to do." She said to herself, folding the note up and going off to find Charlie. " Thanks, Mr Banks." She said when she gave him the note, " I'd really appreciate it if you could pass this on to Bella when she gets home."
" No problem." He grinned, " I'll see you later, Jake."
She smiled wryly, " Yeah, maybe. Thanks again." Walking out to her bike, she checked her watch and took off down Main Street.
Part 6
Rawley Lake
" What are you thinking about?" Will asked softly, looking down at Bella, whose head rested comfortably in his lap.
She smiled, " How perfect today has been."
" Yeah?" He grinned.
She nodded slightly, " You know, I've never wanted anything more than this. Just�" She gestured around them, " All this. I know I've been so uptight lately, but I'm just suddenly realising that I can't own you. And whatever you do�"
" You are the most important thing to me." He interrupted her, " I need you to know that, even though it might not seem like it sometimes."
She smiled, " I know. And that's why today has been so perfect. I'm finally realising that regardless of what you do, I'm still one of the priorities in your life. I was trying to be the be-all and end-all of what you are, and�" She was a little embarrassed, " God, that sounds so bad."
He chuckled, playing with her hair, " I thought you were justified. And I was pretty guilty."
" The thing is," She continued, " now I'm figuring it out. You are who you are, Will, and you won't be the guy I fell in love with if you weren't such a good friend to everybody. So I just want you to know that I'll try not to get jealous or possessive or anything like that. As long as you love me, that's enough." She laughed again, " oh, god, I can't believe how cheesy I'm becoming. I could've taken that line straight from Hallmark."
He smiled at her, " I love you. You can be sure of that."
* * *
The road to Boston
Jake's bike zoomed down the road, and she sat astride it, staring intently ahead.
*Macy Gray's 'I Try' plays as a montage of flashbacks ensue*
" I'm like a Swiss vault, I can keep a secret." He peered at her through that thick fringe of lashes, his lazy blue eyes glinting in the summer sun.
She contemplated him with suspicion, " Can you?"
--'Games, changes and fears / When will they go from here / When will they stop�'
*
He was so cute when he walked onto the roof, explaining to her the total miscommunication between guys and girls. " When a guy says, 'I wanna know where this relationship is going', what he means is�"
" I wanna have sex with you!" She finished for him, grinning.
He smiled and nodded, and looked so cute that she couldn't help but lean forward and kiss him.
And then when she snapped back to her senses, she couldn't stop herself from smiling at the dumbfounded expression on his face, " Oh god, I'm sorry, I'm sorry�" She mumbled, slithering away from him, " I'm sorry, oh god, I'm sorry�"
*
" You're a guy, she likes you, go for it." He told her, defeated.
She stared at him as he walked away, and rolled her eyes when he was out of earshot, " What isn't wrong with this picture?"
*
And in the end it took Lena of all people, telling them to get their act together, " Look at you, you're gorgeous. You both are. You're also in love with each other, it's like, so obvious."
Hamilton was less than impressed by her observations, " Wait, we're not�" He glanced around surreptitiously before continuing, " and stop saying that, god!"
*
" I'm a girl." She told him. Like, finally.
He furrowed his brows, " What are you talking about?"
" It's true�" She tried to explain.
" Jake, stop it!" For a crazy moment there he thought that she was definitely gay and way too deep in the recesses of denial.
--'I believe that fate has brought us here / And we should be together babe / But we're not�'
*
� I wish you�d stop doing that.� He grumbled when she remarked that Faye was hot.
� Doing what?� She played dumb
� Stop�� He glanced around, � Stop talking like a guy! It�s really disturbing.�
� I know.� She grinned, � That�s why I keep on doing it.�
*
" Okay, you can open your eyes." She told him, looking down self-consciously in her pastel pink dress, and when he stared at her wide-eyed for the longest time, she asked defensively," What?"
His mouth formed a round 'o', " Wow."
*
" Okay, you can turn around now." She said, smoothing down her wig for the Halloween Ball, " Well?"
He swallowed and tried to speak, " You look�"
She looked at him expectantly, grinning.
And yet again, " Wow."
*
" Sleeping together? In the same room?" She asked incredulously, " No, I'm not ready for that."
*
" Do you want to move into the dorms? With me?" She asked a month later.
His eyes widened, " You're kidding, right?" Seeing her shake her head, he stuttered, " But�you�you said that you weren't ready�"
" That was a month ago." She replied, gazing at him. " It didn't feel right before, but it does now." Upon seeing a devious smile steal over his face, she laughed, " Watch it! This is not a free pass to jump my bones."
His face fell, but perked up again straight away, " At least I'm one step closer."
--'I play it off but I'm dreaming of you / And I'll keep my cool, but fiendin'�'
*
" I mean I haven't ever done it!" She exclaimed on the speedboat, struggling to get into her binder.
" Me neither!" He yelled to be heard over the motor. Then, realising that it didn't really bid well for his campus stud image (which was non-existent anyway, but that was no way to help the cause), he hastily added, " I mean, I've come �"
" Really, you haven't?" She asked.
" We've got to practise�" he shouted, and then blinked, " I mean, we've got to get to practice."
--'I try to say goodbye and I choke / I try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My world crumbles when you're not near�''
*
He grinned at her, trying not to burst into laughter, " No, it's just� doing it in some strange guy's basement between the washing machine and the pool table wasn't exactly one of my fantasies either."
*
" Uh�where are my clothes?" He asked, looking into his empty closet.
" They were dirty so I threw them all down the laundry chute." She replied.
" All of them?" He asked, " Every single piece of clothing I own?"
" Yeah. Like I said, they were all dirty." She replied, definitely not happy that she had to clean up after him.
" Laundry Day's just been! What am I supposed to wear for a whole week?" He yelled, incredulous.
" Wear my clothes!" She yelled back and stared pointedly at her coat, which he was wearing, " You do already, don't you?"
*
He laughed when he saw her coming down the stairs, adorned in black leather. " We're recovering your motorcycle, not lifting the Mona Lisa."
*
" The lai-dee will have the salmon." He announced to the waiter at the restaurant, where they went on their first date ever.
" The lady?" She repeated, looking confused.
*
" Maybe I should've gone with a full-face mask." She ducked behind a pillar at the Halloween Ball, nervous about being a girl in front of everyone she went to school with.
He chuckled, " Jake, no one is wearing a full-face mask. You'd be even more conspicuous than you are now." She looked strangely at him and he hastened to add, " You're not. Conspicuous, I mean."
*
" I can't believe I'm here, dancing with you, in a dress." She whispered into His ear, smiling.
He turned and brushed his lips against the soft skin of her cheek, " I know. This is like a dream."
" Thank you." She murmured after a while.
He was surprised, " What for?"
" This. Everything. You." She smiled, trailing her fingers along the back of his neck and kissing him softly.
*End flashbacks*
--'Goodbye and I choke / Try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My crumbles when you're not near�'
Hamilton snapped out of his reverie as Faye pulled to an abrupt stop, glancing at her watch, " Do you know which gate she's going to be boarding at?"
Hamilton shook his head as he jumped out of the car and ran to the airport doors. " I'll go ask."
Scout and Faye trailed after him, the latter looking confused. " I don't get it." She confessed, " At the speed I was going, we should have caught up to her already."
Scout shrugged, " Maybe she left earlier than he thought." He smiled sideways at her, " Or maybe she's as much of a speed demon as you are." Faye shot a withering look in his direction and he laughed, " Okay, no one can be as much of a speed demon as you are."
" That's better." She smiled.
" You should be careful though," He continued, " I really don't want to see anything happen to you when you go that fast."
She shrugged, " Thanks, but I know my limits."
They pushed past the multitudes of passengers, heading right toward the customer service desk. Hamilton inquired to the assistant frantically, who pointed him in a direction and he bounded off, throwing over his shoulder a hasty word of thanks.
They got to gate #17, where the plane to Frankfurt was supposed to be boarding in a half hour, but Jake was nowhere in sight.
Hamilton looked around, his cheeks flushed from the running. Wherever his eyes touched, he fervently hoped to see a lanky figure with floppy dark hair, but she was nowhere in sight.
" Jake, where are you?" He muttered to himself, wringing his hands.
How could he let her go after what Will told him? He could kill himself for what he said to her earlier in the day: She needed him to be there, to support her and understand her and love her, and all he did was to turn away, blinded by his own pain and unable to see hers.
He couldn't believe that, in a choleric moment induced by pride and anger, he would throw away all that they had.
*Flashbacks start again*.
--'I may appear to be free / But I'm just a prisoner� of your love�'
When they finally mustered enough courage to confront each other about that particular 'incident' on the roof, they were so flustered that words mostly came out gibberish.
" Let's just� forget about it." She mumbled.
" Yeah, let's do that." He agreed quickly.
" Friends?" She stuck her hand out, tilting her head.
" Yeah, friends. No question, no question�" he shook her hand vigorously, and kept shaking� and kept shaking� and kept shaking� Until he finally realised what he was doing and decided to punch her on the shoulder instead, " You're The Man."
" Okay, I'm The Man!" She agreed with false cheer, and as soon as he left the room she covered her face with her hands, " Oh my god, I'm The Man�"
He walked down the halls, muttering to himself in disbelief, " Oh my god, I think I'm a gay."
*
" If you were a guy, I would punch you." He told her, trying hard not to be distracted by her beautiful liquid hazel eyes.
" Well, that's the point." She ran a hand through her hair, " See, I'm not."
Well, after that, he just had to kiss her.
*
He tried to drag the moment out, " The part about� I love you?"
She smiled, " Yeah, that'll be the part."
He suddenly turned serious, " Well I do."
She gazed at him, " Me too." Smiling a little, she corrected herself, " I mean, I love you too."
--'And I may seem all right / And smile when you leave / But my smiles are just a front / Just a front, hey�'
*
" Hamilton, you're here with 'Jacqueline, a good friend'. You don�t want people to start thinking that you're cheating on me." She hissed at him, going off to dance with another guy at the Halloween Ball. Looking confused at her own words, she tried to clarify, " I mean, me the guy."
*
" I'm not going to London," She told him, " I'll call my mom now and tell her not to expect me. I'm staying here for winter break."
" What? Why?" He asked, and as realisation sank in, he groaned, " No, Jake, don't do this just because of me, please. You need to see your mom."
" You need me here." She was resolute, " My mom can wait, I'll go see her during spring break or something, but I can't leave you here like this."
*
" Because that's not who I think I am. I mean I know I am, I mean I know I'm not, who you think I am. I'm not, get it?" He was making no sense, he knew it. But he also knew that he wasn't gay! Still, why did he feel those damn butterflies fluttering in his stomach every time he saw Jake, another guy?
She blinked, " Excuse me?"
*
" What are you doing?" She asked him when he scurried around the bathroom, looking over the top of the toilet cubicles. God only knew how he was to react if he actually found someone inside one of them.
" Throwing caution to the wind." He replied, grabbing her and kissed her with a fierce passion that came from emotions being bottled up for so long, with all his inner turmoil about 'becoming gay'.
Once he had pulled himself away from the dizzying euphoria of the kiss, he was dazed at what he had just done, " Oh my god, that was�"
" I know," She tried to explain, " but this is not�"
" It is!" He exclaimed, suddenly frantic, " We're gay!"
--'I play it off / but I'm dreaming of you / And I'll keep my cool but I'm fiendin'�
*
" No, you totally dig boys, that's why you like me." She smiled lazily at him.
He frowned, " Funny�"
*
" I don't care about my reputation, I don't wanna lose you!" He told her.
She shook her head, " No, you said it yourself, it's not worth it."
" Don't listen to me, I'm an idiot!" He exclaimed.
--'I try to say goodbye and I choke / I try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My world crumbles when you are not near�'
*
" I've got to tell my parents." He told her.
" What?" She exclaimed, " What are you planning on telling them?"
He closed his eyes and mumbled " That I'm gay."
" No." She refused point-blank, " No. No way."
*
" You know you said before, about me being, you know, gay?" This was obviously a recurring topic with them, and she brought it up long ago.
" Yeah?" He looked at her.
" I'm not." The moonlight was shining in Jake's eyes and Hamilton could feel his breath catch in his throat. Jake knew nothing of that and continued, " That I promise you."
*
" Maybe we're going to start a 'coming out' trend." He chuckled.
" Don't count on it." She replied, laughing.
*
" God, you just don't get it, do you?" Ryan fumed at Jake, not realising that the girl in the crimson dress and mask was the same person that he was trying to defend, " Do you even know what you're doing?"
" No, I don't." She answered defiantly, " So tell me what I'm doing."
" Look, I don't know who you are, or where you suddenly came from, all I know is that if you come between the most revered couple in Rawley history, there'll be hell to pay!" Ryan yelled
There was a moment of stunned silence, then Hamilton and Jake exclaimed in unison, " What the hell are you talking about?"
Ryan looked at them, " God, you don't know, do you?" His gaze fixed on Hamilton, " You and Jake have become cult figures! You've created a revolution! You guys had the guts to go for what you really wanted, screw the consequences, and there's a hell of a lot of people in Rawley who practically worship you!"
--'Goodbye and I choke / Try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My crumbles when you're not near�'
*
� Why didn�t you tell him?� He whispered.
She took a while in answering. When she did, her tone was timid. � It�s not just about us any more, Hamilton. It�s about everyone who�s ever had to hide from a fear that they don�t deserve. It�s happening here to us, and it could happen to anyone. Some stupid jerks are screwing the world up for us, for anyone who�s different in their eyes, and I�m not just going to walk away from it without a fight.�
She closed her eyes briefly then opened them again, full of resolve, � I�m an unusual case, I can walk away from this, but I choose not to. Because there�s going to be people who would just have to live with being different, every single day, with no escape. I�m not going to walk out on them.� She paused, � Or walk out on you.�
He nodded, fingers tracing over her profile, � Everything�s going to get better, because we�ll make it better.�
A gentle smile played about her lips, as she agreed quietly. � We will.�
*
At the end of last semester, he saw her to the bus stop, " Call me."
She nodded, " I will."
He kissed her tenderly and she held on to him for just a little while, before finally letting go.
She walked onto the bus, her hand still holding on to his. " It's only for three weeks." She told him, even though she couldn't bear to take her hand away herself.
" I know." He nodded, and finally broke away with an effort. The bus door shut between them, and he waved, smiling feebly.
And after that, things were never the same again.
*End flashback*
Jake shook her head to clear herself of the memories, picking up her boarding pass at the reservations desk.
As she made her way to gate #17, she noticed her footsteps moving more slowly every time she took a stride.
*Flashback*
" I love you." He whispered.
" I know." She nodded, blinking back a tear.
*End flashback*
And it was that simple, really.
She couldn't throw all that away.
--'Here is my confession / May I be your possession / Boy, I need your touch / Your love, kisses and such�'
" What am I doing?" She asked herself quietly.
Was she truly going to leave all this behind?
She loved him, and she knew that he loved her.
He just needed some more time� she was sure of it. They both needed some time to adjust, and there was so much making up to do, but everything might still be all right, right?
Despite the turmoil of emotions stirring, she knew that she'd have to be a total idiot not to think this over some more. She had gotten this far, but the trip was enough to cool her head a little.
�Enough�. She thought and stopped walking altogether.
She couldn't make herself go.
The old Jake Pratt wouldn't just leave like this. She'd stay around and force Hamilton to see what she was thinking, show him her world instead of hiding it away.
She was so sick of being this weak and tearful creature that was a bundle of nerves, she wasn't like that before, and she couldn't believe that this is what she had been reduced down to. Hysteria, fear, fragility� It was time to get over it and be strong again, become the fighter that she once was.
No, she wasn't going to give Hamilton up without a fight, and she was going to make sure that he knew it. Slowly turning around, she began to make her way toward the exits.
She was going back to Rawley.
--'With all my might I try / But this I can't deny� deny�'
* * *
At gate #17, Hamilton looked at his watch, then checked Faye's and Scout's to make sure. " Where is she?" He exclaimed in frustration, " They are boarding now!"
" I know, it doesn't make sense." Faye shook her head, " Look, maybe she changed her mind�"
" Or maybe she left early and took an earlier flight." Hamilton was frantic, " Maybe she's already on some other plane flying over the Atlantic right now!"
" Calm down, man." Scout tried to reason with him, " Maybe she realised what she was doing and just went back to Rawley."
" You think so?" Hamilton asked, pacing back and forth on the carpet and coming to a resolute stop, " You know what? I'm going to get them to page her over the intercom, just in case she's hanging around the airport."
" Why would she be just hanging around the airport?" Faye retorted with exasperation, but Hamilton was beyond reasoning. " You guys stay and look out for her here." He instructed before running off towards the customer service desk again.
Faye sat down with a sigh, shaking her head, " I wonder where she is."
" Yeah�" Scout agreed, sitting down next to her.
* * *
Jake was just walking out the door when she heard a voice blast out of the PA system, " Mr Jake Pratt to the customer service desk please. Mr Jake Pratt to the customer service desk please�"
She turned around quizzically and walked back into the building, just to make sure.
And there it was again, " Mr Jake Pratt to the customer service desk please."
" What's going on?" She asked herself as she walked toward the information desk, weaving through a barricade of cart-pushing travellers.
--'I play it off but I'm dreaming of you (I'm dreaming of you, babe) / And I'll keep my cool, but I'm fiendin'�'
Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw Hamilton leaning over the counter, anxiety written all over his face.
" Oh, my god." She managed to whisper, her heart clenching at the sight of him, tense and white-faced, his hands gripping the counter as he talked to the assistant.
She wanted to walk toward him, but found that she could not move - All she could do was stand there and stare.
At the one person whom she loved more than anything else in the world.
Just then he turned around and started at the sight of her, her dark eyes burning intently into his.
It was a frozen moment when they did nothing but look at each other, and in that they exchanged a thousand words, emotions, meanings.
--'I try to say goodbye and I choke / I try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My world crumbles when you are not near�'
And then suddenly he was striding forward and she was in his arms and she could feel tears running down her cheek and sobs racking her body but that was all right because his arms were around her and her head was buried in his shoulder and she knew that everything would be all right once more�
Everything was going to be all right.
" Jake, Jake, I'm so sorry�" He choked, " I'm so sorry for not listening to you�"
" No, I'm sorry." She managed to gasp out, " I should've told you a long time ago, but I was too scared to, and I'm so sorry for putting you through all this�"
He wrapped his arms around her, so tightly as though he wanted to break both of them into fragments and meld the broken pieces back into one complete being, no more 'him' and 'her' but only 'them', because after all this, he knew that they couldn't be broken apart again.
She pressed her face against the crisp linen of his shirt, murmuring, " I have to tell you�"
He shook his head, " No, it's all right, I know." He kissed the top of her head, " I know."
She pulled her head away from his shoulder, " What do you mean?"
" I made Will tell me." He told her, " Everything."
He could feel her trembling in his arms, " And?" She whispered.
He shook his head, " You're an idiot, Jake. Why didn't you tell me sooner? What did you think I was going to do?"
She was laughing now, another tear trailing down her cheek, " I don�t know, I don't know."
He raised a hand to wipe the solitary tear away, " I'm so sorry for everything, Jake." He whispered, " I can't believe I was so pig-headed to walk away from you. Can you ever forgive me?"
She wasn't sure if she was crying or laughing anymore, but her heart was so full that it could burst, " Only if you could forgive what I did to you for the past�" She looked away as she tried to count those wasted days, " How long was it? Two months?"
His smile was wobbling as he tried not to cry in front of the hundred-or-so people who were fast becoming interested witnesses to this reunion, " Then we're both okay?"
She nodded fervently, the smile on her face now so broad she was afraid her face would crack, " Yeah, we're okay�"
He shushed her by pressing his lips to hers in a kiss, passionate in its anguish and heartache, but burning in its tenderness.
And there they were amidst of hundreds and thousands of frantic travellers who passed their frantic days in a frantic world. But they were not frantic, they lived for that moment: losing track of time and space and everything else, secure only in each other's arms.
All was forgiven, but nothing would ever be forgotten.
Because it was those wounds that make us grow, make us appreciate what life truly is.
--'Goodbye and I choke / Try to walk away and I stumble / Though I try to hide it, it's clear / My world crumbles when you're not near / Yeah�'
* * *
Faye and Scout trudged away from gate #17 when the stewardess closed the door to the entrance, having seen no sign of Jake. They looked at each other, thrown.
" Okay, so we didn't let her slip past, right?" Scout wondered, " Because Ham would kill us."
"I didn't see her." Faye shrugged, " We better go check on Hamilton, there's not much more we could do now."
" Where do you think she might be if she's not boarding this plane?" He mused, " Do you think, by any chance, that she decided not to leave and went back to Rawley?"
" Or maybe she just decided to take the train to New York instead." She offered an alternative, " Go home, sort a few things out before joining mother on the other side of the Atlantic."
Scout contemplated that theory as they walked to the front desk, " Then you think Hamilton still has a chance to catch up to her before she leaves for good?"
She shrugged, " I dunno. Hope so. I hate seeing them like this, they're both very strange not being part of a couple." She chuckled, " They really don't suit being apart."
" I hope they manage to sort this out." Scout groaned, " Can you imagine what Hamilton would be like around campus if this fell through and Jake left for good?"
She tilted her head as they walked on, her eyes fastening on something in the distance. " Somehow I don't think you need to worry about that." She concluded.
He glanced quizzically at her, and she smiled, nodding in the direction of the front desk. He followed her gaze.
Hamilton and Jake were still kissing.
" Now that's PDA for you." Faye commented, grinning.
" Hey, it's Valentine's Day." He answered with a smile.
She observed the couple with interest, " You know, they are such perfect poster boys for gay pride."
" Yeah," He agreed, " If one of them weren't a girl."
" Mmm." She agreed with a mischievous glint in her eye, " Pity, really."
He laughed, " Come on, let's get them home."
* * *
by Rawley Lake
It was getting late, the sun dipping down toward the lake, its golden light setting the waters aflame.
The luncheon was long since over, but Bella and Will still remained by the lake, unwilling to leave this feeling of contentment, just being with each other.
Will was lying sideways on the blanket, and Bella faced him. She could see the sun burning its bright imprints in his irises, and smiled when he smoothed a strand of long blonde hair away from her face.
They didn't talk. In moments like these, you didn't need words.
*Coldplay's 'Yellow' begins to play as Will's voiceover begins*
'Is there such a thing as perfect love? Something so beautiful, so innocent and untainted in loving that it could be deemed 'perfect'?
I believe it's possible. Maybe it wouldn't last forever, and maybe it would have its own share of ups and downs, but we've got to believe that sometimes, on rare days like these, a perfect sort of love can be glimpsed inside someone's smile as they look into a lover's eyes.'
Leaning forward, Will kissed Bella softly. She smiled against his lips, and pulled him closer.
--'Look at the stars , look how they shine for you / And everything you do / Yeah, they were all yellow / I came along, I wrote a song for you / And all the things you do / And it was called Yellow�'
Not far in the distance, Scout watched them, watched the sun's rays bounce off Bella's hair. His eyes were startlingly blue and clear against the warm orange hue that tinted everything else, for once devoid of pain, of betrayal.
--'So then I took my turn / Oh what a thing to have done / And it was all yellow�'
Looking down for a moment, he turned away, starting to walk towards the dorms. Sticking his hands in his pockets, he looked up again.
And he was smiling.
--'Your skin / Oh yeah your skin and bones / turn into something beautiful / You know, you know I love you so / You know I love you so�'
* * *
Faye's room
Faye ran a brush absently through her hair, the look in her eyes strangely soft as she stared into the mirror.
--'I swam across / I jumped across for you / Oh what a thing to do / Cos you were all yellow�'
Blinking suddenly and smiling a little at her own flight of fancy, she turned away from the mirror, only to have her gaze fasten on the long-stemmed white rose that lay on her dresser, its delicate petals appearing almost iridescent in its lustre.
--'I drew a line / I drew a line for you / Oh what a thing to do / And it was all yellow�'
She smiled, the soft light in her eyes brighter than before.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
--'Your skin / Oh yeah your skin and bones / Turn into something beautiful / And you know for you I'd bleed myself dry / For you I'd bleed myself dry�'
Jake and Hamilton sat cross-legged and facing each other on Hamilton's bed, their hands clasped together. Jake's gaze was cast down, her voice trembling as she slowly recounted those most difficult days and moments that she could not speak to him before. He listened carefully, and every once in a while, would ask a gentle question to which she would answer haltingly.
And then he would lean forward and kiss her again, his lips softly brushing against hers.
She would close her eyes, and smile at the thought that he would never be far from her.
After everything they were still there, and still loving.
*Will's voiceover continues*
'You can find perfect love, if only you'd believe that it exists somewhere in this world.'
--'It's true, look how they shine for you / Look how they shine for you / Look how they shine� Look at the stars / Look how they shine for you / And all the things that you do�'
The End
Feedback