Author's Note: Will's unnamed lyrics come from Savage Garden's 'Mine'.
Part 1
Teaser
It wasn�t a pleasant morning at Rawley Academy, weatherwise. It was cloudy again, as if echoing the moods of the students. Whatever slight excitement they held for starting spring semester was pretty much worn out after only one day at school, and everyone knew that �Second Days� were always dreary.
A light fog had rolled up, enveloping Rawley Lake in a dreamlike mist. The lake itself had frozen in some places, mostly around the shores, but the ice was thin, and looked like jagged pieces of frosted glass floating on the surface of the frigid waters.
The gray stone buildings of the two academies peeked through the thin haze, looking as though they belonged in a fairy tale of sorts. Not a particularly nice one, to be fair, but warped somehow, dismal. Maybe it was only the start of the fairy tale, where the fair damsel was still in distress and the knight in shining armour hadn�t come galloping in on his white horse just yet.
* * *
Will and Scout�s room
Scout Calhoun lay on his bed with his eyes open, and he watched the ceiling. The window by the bed was ajar, a small gust of cold wind stirring the curtains and sweeping its icy fingers across his face, but he barely noticed.
Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Will Krudski rifling through the closet, his tall figure nothing more than a shadowy shape in the semi-darkness. Glancing at the clock that they kept on the dresser, Scout frowned slightly. It was very early and he didn�t understand why Will would get up now.
With a jolt, he remembered a conversation that they had earlier. A time before their friendship had gone to ruins.
*flashback*
� Why are you never at breakfast anymore?� Scout had wondered, coming out of the dining hall to find Will walking along the corridor and towards their first class.
� I�ve been at Bella�s house.� Will had told him, � It�s a� um, it�s like a ritual of ours these days. I always head over to her house in the mornings.�
Scout had nodded, but could not help feeling a little left out. Ever since Bella had put both he and Sean on hold, he had gotten a strange feeling that Will was spending way too much time with her.
He was getting paranoid. He had told himself, just because he had restrained himself from nagging her too much didn�t mean that everyone else had to stay away from her too. Besides, what was he thinking? That Will and Bella might�ve� what?
He dismissed the thought with a grin.
*End flashback*
Scout smiled again. Or maybe it was more of a grimace, he couldn�t really tell the difference nowadays. So Will was going to visit Bella, was he? They still had this ritual where they met up at her house in the early morning, freshly woken and rejoicing in their new love?
His heart twisted painfully when he thought of them together. Accidentally coming upon the two together - In the 'couple' sense of the word - in Bella�s house, the scene had imprinted itself upon his mind, leaving him to sink into a depression that he neither welcomed or liked, and he was desperately trying to pull himself out of its morose depths.
So far, it wasn�t working.
He closed his eyes when he sensed Will turning in his direction. Hearing the other boy sigh, then walk out of the door, he opened them again.
It was the beginning of another day, and he felt like hell.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton�s room
Hamilton Fleming rolled over on his bed, rubbing a hand over his tired eyes. It had been a sleepless night for him, and as he lay in bed and watched the dim grey light seep through the curtains, he wondered if it was even remotely possible to feel human again.
She broke up with me. He told himself, and even though he had repeated the same words over and over again through the long winter night, he could not understand them. Maybe it was because she offered no explanation.
Why? He asked her repeatedly, but the closest to a response from her was 'For the sake of my sanity', which, to him, was everything an explanation should not be. Indefinable, indescribable, unbelievably vague.
So why was she doing this?
Raising his eyes, he looked to the other bed, where his girlfriend (former? He hoped fervently that it was not the case) lay facing away from him, her lithe body motionless under the covers.
He wished that he could get some sleep.
Jake Pratt�s eyes were open, but of course Hamilton could not see that.
Traces of tears had stained the pillow, and she too looked as though she had been awake through the night, her pale face and puffy red eyes betraying the emotions that must've been within, although she stared at the wall, unmoving, unseeing.
* * *
Faye's room
Faye Archer was sprawled face-down on her bed, having spent the most part of the night awake, and tried desperately to catch some sleep before she had to get up for school. But in truth, she knew that it wasn't going to happen.
Glancing over to one side, she shook her head when she spotted a bottle of pills on her desk. They weren't doing their job these days.
Sighing loudly, she reached over to her bedside table, and hauling her upper body off the bed, she managed to scribble 'Need to get stronger sleeping pills prescribed' on a yellow Post-it pad before collapsing back onto the bed with a groan. Watching the morning and knowing that she was doomed to be wholly awake for another day, she kicked her duvet in frustration.
* * *
New Rawley
Will walked down Main Street, glancing at the sky and wondering if it was going to rain. Jamming his hands in his pockets, he walked on briskly.
*Will's voiceover begins*
' There are always days when you wish that you're not awake at all, you'd rather be sinking back into the depths of sleep, welcoming the thought of nothingness, of brief oblivion. You're awake but you close your eyes, knowing that, once you open them again, you have to get up and fumble through the day with your fogged-up consciousness, trying to piece together a new life in order to get away from the one that you have left behind.'
Despite the slight moodiness that he could already sense seeping into him, he smiled when he saw Bella Banks sitting outside the gas station, waiting for him. She was wearing a woollen hat and matching knitted gloves, as well as a brightly patterned scarf. " Hey." She grinned at him, which somehow led to a yawn and she stood up, covering her mouth with her hand.
He laughed, " Nice to see you too."
" Sorry." She apologised, " I didn't get much sleep last night."
He came close and wrapped his arms around her waist, " No?"
She relaxed into his embrace and sighed, " I was too busy feeling guilty. You know, about Scout leaving."
" Oh, yeah, that's what I wanted to tell you." He smiled at her, who was rubbing her eyes with one hand, looking cute and reminded him of a time when they were younger. " He came back last night."
" What?" Bella asked, looking up with a start, " He came back? To Rawley? You mean he's here?"
Will nodded, half smiling, half frowning, " Bad news is, he's still mad at us. Well, me anyway. Spoke barely two words to me last night."
" Well, that's still good, isn't it?" She asked, a smile slowly breaking over her face, " I mean, at least now we get a chance to talk to him, maybe try to fix what we did�"
" Yeah." He nodded thoughtfully, " If he talks to us at all."
" We'll just have to take it slow." She told him, new hope flaring in her eyes.
Part 2 - Opening Creds and theme song, everybody needs a little bit of love, etc ;-)
Will and Scout's room
Scout got dressed slowly, walking unsteadily around the room, trying not to trip over any of his cartons that he was yet to unpack.
The room felt so empty, even with him inside. Maybe it was just the noise outside in the halls that made it seem so. Most of the guys in the dorms had woken up by now, people were scurrying about, showers were running, friendly insults were being hurled by and at his classmates all around him, he and the world separated only by these four walls.
He sat down on the edge of his bed, running his hands through his dishevelled hair. Out of the corner of his eye, he spied his new pet, George the tortoise, walking around in his glass terrarium, and that brought a slight smile to his face. George was a gift from Faye, which she promptly gave to him after his return last night.
His smile faded when his eyes travelled past the terrarium and onto Will's desk, where a small framed picture stood by a stack of poetry anthologies. It was of Will with his arms around Bella, and the two of them smiled out at him.
He stared at the picture and the two of them stared back.
His eyes focused on Bella's radiant expression, her smooth blonde tresses and shining eyes.
God, Bella, the one love that he thought he had found for all eternity.
Well, until her father told him that she was in fact his sister. He remembered that day when he heard the news, running all the way from the gas station in town back to the Academy, where he crashed through the doors of the bathroom and spent half an hour in there throwing up. Sitting dizzy and weak on the freezing tiles, eyes stinging from those fluorescent lights, he honestly thought that he was going to die.
But he didn�t, and he had to stand by and watch, from the eyes of a brother, how she drifted away from him and into the arms of Sean McGrail. She always seemed to accept the fact that they were siblings much better than he did, and she moved on with her life, while his stayed in the same place. Sure, he tried to veer away from her, date other girls - namely Paige - and maybe he gave off the impression that the hurt was wearing off, maybe he made everyone think that he was rebuilding his life, god knew that he wasn't.
So he was ecstatic when he finally found out that they weren't related, that his father never had intimate relations with her mother, that they might still have a chance after all� He could remember the brief days that they had spent together as a couple, that lazy afternoon on the docks, sunlight and a vague tinge of electricity communicating in the air that surrounded them� those days made his breath catch in his throat, so strong were those pent-up feelings.
He honestly thought that it could happen again.
So he never gave up hope, though she took such a long time deciding. Sean and Scout, Scout and Sean, Those names were somehow connected together in conjunction with fall semester and Bella. Every time someone mentioned her, the name 'Scout-and-Sean' would always come up, as though they ceased to exist on their own anymore, and instead became this one being that lived and died in the graces of Bella Banks.
He resented that, but thought it might've been worthwhile - hell, gladly endured - if she had chosen him in the end.
But one day, everything that he thought he knew, everything that he thought was concrete, came crashing down around him.
Bella and Will.
He found that he couldn't think about it any further.
So he just sat and stared at the photo, unable to look away from the couple's sunny smiles.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Jake pulled on one of her many long-sleeved shirts and ran a brush through her hair, conscious of the fact that Hamilton was watching her every move from his seat on the bed. Glancing in the mirror, she confirmed this, then turned her eyes away quickly, when his gaze connected with hers for a brief second.
" Jake." He began.
She sighed, " What?" The word came across a lot harsher than she had intended, and he flinched. She resisted the urge to turn back and say sorry to him, knowing that she had to avoid any sort of contact� if she could.
" Don't do this to me." He pleaded, all his anger drawn away in the long night, only a pitiful desperation remaining.
She took an extremely long time deliberating what to say. When she finally opened her mouth, she avoided his eyes, " I can't."
" What can't you do?" He exclaimed, " Stay with me? But that's senseless, and we both know it! Why? Why can't we be together?"
She turned slightly to catch his woeful expression, and he continued, " Did I do something, Jake? Was it because of me? We were fine when you left, what had changed? What the hell happened?"
" Don't you get it?" She exploded, " EVERYTHING happened! My life is in ruins right now and I just can't deal with another single thing, it's going to drive me crazy if I think about it so please�" She turned away, " Please� just leave me alone."
He stood up, " Jake, we've dealt with disasters before�"
" NOT LIKE THIS!" She yelled, " This is different, this is me!"
" What?" He demanded, " What is that supposed to mean?"
" You know what? Just forget it." She told him, walking towards the door. He yelled after her, " How can I?"
She paused, her hand on the doorknob. Turning slowly, she gazed at him, " Hamilton, all I ask for is some space. Time, you know, to figure things out."
" Figure what out?" He shouted at her, " Break up, time out, whatever you want to call it, I can probably deal with it, but not if you don't tell me why!"
She shook her head soundlessly and let herself out.
* * *
Faye's room
" Did I mention that I am so jealous of you?" Faye's roommate Leah asked, leaning in close to the mirror so that she could apply eyeliner.
" Repeatedly." Faye told her, tossing books into her bag and yawning.
" And I'm going to keep saying it." Leah told her, putting down the eye pencil to trace her hand over the white dress box that Faye had left on the dresser. " Why do you get all the guys with good taste? First your brother, and now Scout Calhoun. Calhoun, for god's sake! Do you want to know what my brother gave me for Christmas? Petrol vouchers. And that's only after my mom convinced him that socks did not a good Christmas present maketh."
Faye smiled, " I don't get the guys with good taste, Leah. I didn't choose my brother, and Scout's just a friend."
" Like hell he is." Leah told her, grinning and lifting the lid of the box. She gasped when she saw the soft cashmere sweater lying in folds of tissue inside, " My god, it's beautiful."
Faye twirled a lipstick nimbly between her fingers as she walked to Leah's side, looking at the sweater, " It is." She agreed, smiling.
" It matches your eyes." Leah remarked, glancing at Faye.
The blonde's hand flew up to touch the corner of her eye, " They're not my eyes, just contacts." She said, a tad irritably, " But he said that's why he chose that colour."
Leah shrugged, " You can't seriously be telling me that a guy who gave you a sweater because 'it matches your eyes' doesn't have a thing for you."
Faye began to apply the lipstick carefully, scrutinising herself in the mirror while she added the dash of blood-coloured stain across her pale features, " That's what I'm saying."
* * *
Finn's office
" Scout!" Finn exclaimed when he looked up to see the dark-haired boy letting himself in, " I didn't expect you to be back."
" I didn't expect to be back, Finn." Scout told him, smiling a little.
Finn stood up, " It's good to have you here again."
" Thanks." Scout told him, " Listen, I don't want to sound too abrupt or anything, seeing it's only my first day back, but I kinda have this problem�"
" Why don't you sit down?" Finn suggested, sinking back into his leather armchair.
Scout obliged and as soon as he sat down, he burst out, " I need to change dorm rooms."
Finn furrowed his brows, " What do you mean?"
" I can't live with Will anymore." Scout told him, perched on the edge of the chair, " We� we kinda had this�" He paused, not sure what to call the fall of their friendship. " I mean, I don't think I can stand living in the same room with him anymore."
Finn leaned back on his chair, breathing out. He had learnt of the situation through Will, and it didn't look promising. " You want to switch rooms because you can't live with him."
" Yes." Scout replied, looking straight at him.
Finn shifted under his intense gaze, " You know that's not usually possible, Scout. School has already started for the semester, and you're not a new entrant, which means you're not entitled to�" He stopped and thought, but for lack of a better word, "� invade the students who have a single."
" Please, Finn." Scout pleaded, " I've been back for one night and I feel like I'm suffocating. I can't handle living with Will at the moment, I just can't."
Finn contemplated him levelly, and Scout felt compelled to explain, " I know this seems as though it's out of the blue, but it's not. See, We were both�"
Finn held up a hand, cutting him off, " It's not necessary to explain, Scout, Will already told me everything."
Scout narrowed his eyes, " He did?"
A knock on the door interrupted Finn's reply. Raising his voice, he called, " Come in."
Jake pushed open the door, pulling the rim of her navy cap over her eyes, trying futilely to hide the fact that she had been crying. " Finn, can I�" She stopped when she saw Scout sitting in the room, " Scout! You're back!"
" Hey Jake." Scout acknowledged her.
" Sorry to interrupt." Jake apologised to Finn, " Maybe I should come back later?"
" No, it's all right." Finn told her, " Can I help you?"
Jake glanced briefly at Scout before shrugging and blurting out, " I need to switch rooms."
Finn raised an eyebrow.
* * *
Bella's house
Will sat by the kitchen table, spreading butter on a piece of toast. Bella stood by the fridge, pouring herself a glass of milk.
" Where's Charlie and Grace?" Will wondered, once he had swallowed his mouthful of toast.
" Charlie was up late last night, waiting for the gas delivery. Chances are he's still asleep." Bella told him, sitting down at the table, " Grace is on a diet, so she's skipping breakfast."
" Do you know that skipping breakfast actually makes you gain weight?" Will said offhandedly, taking a sip from his glass of orange juice, " It slows down your metabolism for the rest of the day, or something."
" I'll remember to tell her that." Bella replied, leaning forward and taking a bite out of Will's toast. He looked at her, surprised, and she smiled at him, covering her mouth with her hand, " Sorry, it looked yummy."
" Want another bite?" Will laughed, holding out the rest.
She shook her head, grinning, " It's all right, I just felt like doing that."
" You're so cute sometimes." He told her, tugging playfully on her scarf, which she did not take off, even though they were inside.
She smiled at him, leaning over to kiss him on the cheek. " What's this for?" He laughed.
She shrugged, " I just wanted to remind you how much I love you."
He grinned and kissed her softly on the lips, " I think this is a much better reminder." He whispered, as their lips met once more.
" Ah-hem." A loud cough interrupted them, and the couple looked up to see Charlie standing in the doorway, smiling, " Morning, kids."
" Hey." Bella and Will chorused sheepishly, glancing at each other.
� So,� Charlie began, walking into the kitchen, � Are you guys going to tell me about this anytime soon?�
Will was confused, � About what, Charlie?� Bella nudged him and he looked towards her in surprise, suddenly registering when she pointed at him, then herself, rolling her eyes.
Charlie watched the little exchange with amusement, � That�s what I mean, yeah.�
Will laughed, � Sorry, I�m not thinking too clearly today. Um�� He paused, darting a look at Bella, � I guess we never told you this officially, but� we�re going out.�
Charlie grinned, reaching for an apple from the fruit bowl and leaning back against the counter, surveying the two of them with interest, � I was dropping subtle hints for a month, trying to get you two to tell me this.�
Bella blushed, � It just didn�t seem� necessary, daddy, we just assumed that you knew.�
� Well, I'd be blind not to. I just thought that it�d be nice for you to tell me though.� Charlie pointed out, biting into his apple. Chewing thoughtfully, he asked, � How�s Sean taking this?�
Will and Bella looked at each other. � Surprisingly well.� Bella told him, brows furrowed, � I mean, he was angry at first, of course��
� But he seemed to adjust quickly, you know, to the idea of us dating.� Will finished for her.
Charlie nodded, � That�s good.� Looking at his watch, he shook his head, � I�m going to go upstairs and take a shower, if you�ll excuse me. Later, Will.�
� Bye.� Will said as Charlie strolled out of the kitchen. Turning back to Bella, he grinned, � You never told him about us?�
Bella shrugged, � I guess I was just too wrapped up in everything else to remember that we haven�t told him. God knows we�ve told other people enough times.�
� I get your point.� Will replied, taking her hand. Catching the pensive look on her face, he asked, � Is something wrong?�
She shook her head slowly, � No� I don�t know.� Chewing on her lower lip, she wondered, � He made a good point, actually. Don�t you think it�s strange that Sean had gotten over this so quickly?�
� Not really.� Will replied uncertainly, taking another bite of his toast. Bella looked unsettled. After swallowing the mouthful, Will added, shrugging, � I guess a little bit. I can see how he�d get over this faster than Scout does, but�� He trailed off.
� I was talking to him the other day,� Bella told him, tugging absently on a strand of hair, � And I accidentally told him that you were the reason why I wanted to get that scholarship to Rawley��
� I didn�t know that.� He interrupted softly.
She smiled bashfully, looking down, � I didn�t know it back then, either.�
� Wait,� His grasp tightened on her hand, � You wanted to get that scholarship so that you could be with me?�
She shrugged, � I guess it was more of a subconscious thing, but yeah.�
� Bella,� He started, and she glanced up at him. He looked back at her, � Do you know I have always wondered why you wanted to get that scholarship in the first place? I mean, you are� you love it here. You have your family and the gas station, you go to a great school and you have lots of friends� I kept asking myself why you wanted to give all that up just to go to some prep school on the other side of town.�
� I wanted to be with you.� She said softly, brushing away a tendril of hair that had fallen across his forehead.
His hand closed over hers, feeling the soft skin of her palm rest against his cheek and the back of her hand cool against his own palm. � I guess that explains why��
� Why I never bothered taking the exam?� She finished for him, � I didn't have to, in the end. I got what I wanted, didn�t I?�
He smiled, � And now that you have me, you�re okay with the fact that you're really a Townie at heart?"
She grinned, " Don't forget you are one of us too, Mr Rawley guy, too-perfect-for-this-world."
He looked down for a moment. " I never forget." He said quietly.
" I was only teasing, Will." She told him, alarmed at how his demeanour suddenly seemed to change.
He nodded, looking back up at her, " I know. It's just� Life at Rawley had taught me about so many things, you know? I feel like I've suddenly been plucked from obscurity to this brand new, big�" He searched for the word, " � Open world. And the more I see of it, the more different I feel."
She looked at him, not sure if he meant the ambiguous statement in a good way.
Will chuckled a little, shrugging, " I'm just rambling, never mind. Anyway, you haven't finished telling me about Sean."
She looked at him for a moment longer than she had intended, before recollecting her thoughts, " Like I said, I told him about this whole scholarship thing." She shook her head, " I can see him trying to process it and get over it, but I just don't know if he can do it on his own, you know? You can see how he's trying to cover up his hurt every time he sees us, right?"
" He's a good friend." Will nodded, looking thoughtful.
" My point is, we can all see that he's trying to get over what we've done to him, and he's being this awesome, supportive friend who sticks by us no matter what, but�" Bella paused again, sighing, " I feel horrible, seeing him struggle like this and we can't do anything to help."
" Maybe I could talk to him." Will suggested.
She looked at him with sad eyes, " And what could you say? You know he's just gonna slap you on the back and say that there are no hurt feelings. Face it, Will, neither of us are up for the job."
He nodded slowly, " What you're saying is that Sean needs a new friend, who's willing to listen to him and let him cry on their shoulder."
" Basically." Bella shrugged.
He ran his hand through his hair, wondering about this. Suddenly catching sight of the clock on the wall, he stood up quickly, drinking the rest of his orange juice in one gulp, " I'm going to be late for class!"
Bella groaned when she saw the time on the clock, " You better hurry."
" We'll talk about this later." He promised, kissing her quickly before dashing out the door. Bella watched through the windows as he picked up the bike and ran out of the gas station, double-checking his wristwatch as he went.
Part 3
Finn's classroom
" Nice for you to join us, Mr Krudski." Finn remarked when Will skidded into class, ten minutes late.
" Sorry." Will panted as he slid into his usual seat. Scout, who sat by his side, set his jaw and told himself silently that he was not going to look at Will, nor think about why he was held up for the morning English class.
But his brain didn't listen and simply kept screaming 'He was with Bella with Bella with Bella�' He bit his lower lip ferociously, wanting to drown out the thoughts.
Finn looked unimpressed at Will's late arrival, but decided to let it slide. Instead, he kept talking to the class, " Anne French once said, 'One of the things you have to do when you're a woman student is read all those poems by male poets about men and women doing things that you may not think men and women necessarily do - as though you're the male and not the female.'"
The most part of the class looked confused. A few people looked embarrassed, as Finn wryly noted, their thoughts obviously going off on the wrong tangent. Shaking his head slightly, he continued, " I think this is also true the other way around. I'm sure you're well aware that this class is the only co-ed class we have in the whole of Rawley, and I thought that it would be beneficial to a great many of you to choose from a selection of writers and texts. For summer session and last semester we concentrated mainly on literature chosen from the reading list of the Boys' Academy, but this semester I would like to incorporate the girls' reading lists into our curriculum. We'll be reading from a selection of women writers."
Hamilton glanced at Jake. She had always complained that they weren't reading anything by female authors, and she should be overjoyed at hearing this.
Jake stared straight ahead, toying with her pencil. At Finn's words she glanced up a little, tossing her head so that her hair didn't hang in her eyes, but almost immediately she lowered her head again, resuming that expressionless front.
" If we're doing Jane Austen, I suggest you kill me now." Ryan Parker groaned, a chorus of guys' voices agreeing with him.
Finn laughed, shaking his head, " Actually, I have to admit that I've never been much of an Austen fan either. I was thinking more along the lines of contemporary fiction anyway�"
Scout tuned out, unable to hear anything but the maniacal chanting in his head. Will and Bella, Will and Bella, Will and Bella�
He wished that he could get over this strange obsession that killed him every time it was renewed.
* * *
After class Jake caught up to Will, " Hey." She called, touching him on the shoulder.
The tall boy turned, " Hi Jake, what's up?"
" Can I talk to you for a sec?" Jake asked, falling into step with him and glancing over her shoulder warily.
Will didn't miss the look on her face, and was mystified, " Who are you looking for?"
Jake turned back sharply to look at him, frowning. Will held up a hand, " Hey, I was just asking."
She shook her head, " I'm sorry, I'm just touchy today. Actually�" She shrugged, " I'm kinda avoiding Hamilton."
He raised an eyebrow but she shook her head and made a 'don't ask' expression at him, so he simply nodded, " What did you want to talk to me about?"
Jake bit the inside of her cheek, wondering how to approach the subject.
Outright seemed to be the way to go.
" Can I move in with you?"
" WHAT?" Will exclaimed, stopping dead in his tracks.
" No no no, let me finish." Jake pushed him along, trying not to attract attention, " It's just, Scout and I both turned up at Finn's office this morning, wanting to move out of our rooms�"
" What?" Will repeated, stopping again. " Scout? He wants to�" His eyes widened as her later words impacted, " You? You want to move out of your own room? What about Hamilton? What happened?"
" Shh!" Jake whispered urgently, trying to force him to move again in the wave of students dashing between classes. " Keep it down!"
" Sorry." Will replied, still reeling from the shock, " So what are you saying? You guys want to swap rooms or something? You and Scout?"
" Yeah." Jake looked at him hopefully, " I'll move into your room and he can go live with Hamilton."
" Jake," Will began, looking at her as if she has lost her mind, " This is insane. I can't live with you!"
She frowned at him, " Why?"
" Why?" He repeated, lowering his voice, " Even though you dress like a guy and look like a guy and talk and walk like a guy, news flash, Jake, you're not a guy."
" I know it's going to be awkward, but it's really not that bad." She tried to convince him, " I roomed with Hamilton for a whole semester."
" But it was different with you and Hamilton!" He exclaimed, " You guys are together. We can't just share a room! What's Bella going to say? She'll kill me!"
" Please, Will." She begged him as they walked down the halls, " It's not that hard living with me. We can set down a few ground rules and it'll be fine! Just think about it."
" No." He was quick to reply.
" You've got to help me out." She grabbed his arm, " I have no one else to turn to."
He stopped again and looked at her, " What is this really about, Jake? You can't just�"
" Don't ask questions." She told him, shaking her head with frustration, " I really need this, please, Will, you know I wouldn't do something like this unless I'm desperate. I just can't cope with living with him now."
" I know, and believe me, I'd try to do anything to help." Will told her, starting to walk again. Jake looked hopefully at him, but he shook his head resolutely, " Not this way, though. My answer's still no."
* * *
Rawley Academy, Dining Hall
Faye wrinkled her nose at the buffet lunch, mentally discarding every item on the menu as she walked past them, holding her empty tray. " Honestly, with the amount of money we pay here, you'd think they'd give us some sort of decent lunch."
Behind her, Scout shrugged as he shovelled a bit of everything onto his plate, " It's eat this or starve."
" I think I'd rather starve." Faye announced, but decided to make do with a couple of bread rolls. They sat down at one of the long dining tables and she gestured at his plate, " It's exactly like aeroplane food."
Scout had to agree, but then he didn't really like her lunch either, " You're just going to eat bread?"
She shrugged, " I'm used to it. Hey, don't you think it's funny that they give us all this crap for lunch, but they make a real effort for dinner? I really like dinner here, as a matter of fact."
" I can tell." He said dryly, noting the fact that she eats almost nothing for lunch, but for dinner, seems to force down twice as much food than any other girl that he'd ever met. " Aren't the French supposed to have lunch as their main meal?"
She chewed on her bread thoughtfully, " I did that when I was living there, and I would, except that lunch here is too gross. Then I get hungry." Looking down at herself, she sighed, " I'm going to get fat, aren't I? You're not supposed to have a heavy meal at night."
He chuckled, " You look fine."
She rolled her eyes, " You say that now, but just wait a couple of years and see how I turn out." Changing the subject, she grinned, " So, what's new with you?"
He toyed with his food, pushing it around on the plate with his fork, " I talked to Finn this morning." He told her, " I'm thinking of changing rooms so that I won't room with Will any more."
" Hmm." She took another bite out of her roll, " I'm guessing it didn't turn out too well."
" Um, kind of." He continued to play with his food, " See, Jake walked in right in the middle of our conversation, and it turned out that she wants a room change too. I have no idea what happened between her and Hamilton, but we figured that she might be able to sway Will enough to let him have her as a roommate, then I could room with Ham."
" You want Jake to room with Will." She remarked, looking at him curiously.
" Yeah, I know it's screwed." He told her, absently bringing whatever food that came to be impaled on the fork to his mouth.
" But why does Jake suddenly want a room change? This is making no sense." She wondered out loud.
He swallowed, taking a drink of water, " I know. But it might turn out to be a stroke of luck for me if Will does agree to room with her."
" He's not going to agree." She said flatly, " There's no way in hell he'll agree to living with Jake in one room."
Scout shrugged, " I figured it was worth a shot."
She watched him while he ate slowly and methodically. A while later she commented, " It's getting that bad, huh?"
He looked up from the plate, " What?"
" The thing with you and Will." She told him, " You can't live with him any more?"
" You don't know what it's like, Faye." He said softly, setting his fork down, " Everything he does, everything that he says� damn it, just Will himself reminds me of all the things that had gone wrong in my life. Every time I see him, I can't stop myself from recalling�" He paused, hiding his pained expression with another drink of water.
" It's getting to the point that you're associating him and Bella with everything that he does, it's like what defines him." She tried to summarise for him, tearing off another piece of bread, " Right now he's nothing except for that."
" Exactly." He nodded, surprised.
* * *
Rawley Academy
Hamilton walked down the hallway, wondering if he should go to lunch. He did not have an appetite of any sort, but considering that he had gone entirely without food for at least 24 hours, he thought that it was probably a good idea to eat something.
He was quite surprised, actually. Was this really Hamilton Fleming talking? Hamilton Fleming of the perpetually hungry kind?
Then again, he knew that he had changed quite remarkably during the past month or so, least of all his eating habits. Between Finn finding out about Jake being a girl, he himself finding out about his mother's affair, and his girlfriend's sudden and unexplained absence / depression / breaking up with him, he was pretty damn sure that he had hit rock bottom.
He hated this life, his life. The walls closed in on him and he didn't know what to think, how to feel� all that crap. Right now it just hurt being alive.
He briefly wondered about a sci-fi book that he had read and reread. How it constantly referred to punitive coma and its merits or lack of. At the moment it wouldn't have been punishment at all, he would've welcomed it with open arms, the chance of leaving all this behind.
He could just see himself, comatose, still, quiet, alone.
Alone with himself, but not, thankfully, with all his thoughts and emotions that plague him like neverending darkness.
He hated the thought of Kate and Finn together, and over Christmas Break the only thing that had kept him sane was the reassuring sound of Jake's voice, crackling over the long-distance line, her words that danced in front of his eyes on a computer screen, her smile that he kept returning to, for solace, in his mind.
So it was okay, for the most part. Despite everything that had gone wrong in his world he knew that there was still a certain Jacqueline Pratt out there, reaching out to him in London, the one thing in this life that he could hold on to, the one thing that he loved and knew loved him. And it made him happy.
Then there was nothing.
He didn't just mean her not responding to his contact while she was still in England, but also now, how she came back to him a wholly different person, turned her cheek when he tried to kiss some life back into her lips, and told him that she needed time away from him, 'for the sake of her sanity'.
What the hell was that supposed to mean?
Actually, he was surprised that he hadn't had a nervous breakdown yet. Maybe that wasn't what it was called, he wasn't nervous, he was just so tired of it all. But the word 'breakdown' was right. But how was it possible that even after everything in his life had broken down, he was still left standing?
He didn't understand it any more than why Jake had decided that she needed time away from him.
" Hamilton." Finn called from his office, catching up with the boy who looked so lost in thought. Hamilton didn't hear him.
Finn tried again, " Hamilton."
Hamilton blinked as though he had just gained awareness of his surroundings, and he looked toward Finn slowly, looking dazed.
" Are you okay?" Finn asked, concerned.
Hamilton blinked again, and as he realised that it was his mother's lover who was talking to him, a steely hardness settled over his features, " I don't think it's any of your business, Finn."
Finn paused, not sure what to say.
Hamilton cocked an eyebrow as he thought over his own words and could not help uttering a short laugh, " On second thoughts, maybe it is. A lot of it is to do with you. But I sure as hell don't want to be standing here and discussing any of it."
" But I need to talk to you." Finn told him, trying to keep up with the shorter boy's stride as he took off, determinedly not going to have this conversation. Hamilton pretended not to hear. Finn sighed exasperatedly, " It's about Jake."
Hamilton stopped. " What?" He asked, not bothering to turn around and look at the teacher.
" How many people at Rawley know she's a girl?" Finn asked him.
Hamilton glanced at him quickly, " Keep it down." He warned, leading the way into a more secluded hallway. " Why do you need to know?"
Finn followed him, " Scout knows, doesn't he?"
Hamilton looked at him coolly, " You haven't answered my question."
" You haven't answered mine." Finn retorted. Hamilton rolled his eyes and started to walk away, but thought better of it and turned back, sighing in defeat. He couldn't afford to not hear information about Jake's situation right now. " Three." He told Finn, " Not including you, me, or herself. So why do you need to know?"
Finn nodded slowly, " Scout knows. And I'm guessing that Will does too. Who is the other person?"
Hamilton sighed, " Faye Archer over at the girls' school. And I swear, if I have to repeat this question one more time I may have to deck you�" Finn raised an eyebrow at that suggestion but Hamilton carried on, " Why the hell do you need to know?"
" She wants to move out of her dorm room." Finn told him, expecting this to be some news to the boy. It was, he noted, as Hamilton's face quickly drained of all colour, " What?" He whispered.
" She visited me this morning, wanting to see if she could get another single for the semester. Of course that wasn't possible, but�"
Hamilton cut him off, " What do you mean she's moving out? Why?"
" I don't know, Hamilton, that's between the two of you." Finn told him, shrugging, " I only know that there was a very embarrassing scene in my office this morning, when Jake and Scout planned to exchange rooms and I tried the best I could to dissuade them from it without revealing the fact that I knew she was a girl�"
" What? Wait," Hamilton interrupted yet again, " What do you mean? Exchange rooms, what� how� Oh my god." His eyes widened, " She's planning to go live with Will?"
" That seemed to be their plan." Finn rubbed his temples, " You know I can't let that happen, Hamilton. I have strong enough objections for you two to be living together, but now she wants to go and live with a different guy� I can't allow that."
Hamilton took a moment to answer. " Don't worry, I won't allow it either." Pushing past Finn, he walked briskly out into the main hallway again. " I'll fix it." His voice was fading even as he called over his shoulder, " I don't care what you do, but stall her, okay? Don't let her do it."
" That goes without saying." Finn muttered to himself.
* * *
Friendly's
Will looked up as Bella came in the door, her book bag still in tow. " Why are you doing the after school shift?" She asked by way of acknowledgement.
" Simon called in sick," Will replied as he rang up the till for a customer. " I'm covering for him."
Bella nodded and leaned against the counter, playing with the straw dispenser.
He turned to her with a smile after the customer had left, " Hey."
She smiled back at him, " I guess you're stuck here for the afternoon."
He shrugged, " At least I get paid." Reaching out to sweep a few strands of hair away from her face, he asked, " You'll stay and keep me company, right?"
" If you ask nicely." She told him, grinning.
He pouted a little and gazed at her with his puppy dog expression. She laughed, " Ask, nicely, Krudski."
He broke out into a smile and kissed her instead, leaning over the counter. Mindful of the few people still sitting around the diner, including a few people from Edmund High and Rawley, he pulled back quickly.
Bella grinned, " That was nice, but I don't see how 'asking' fitted into it." He rolled his eyes and she smiled, " I'll stay. You can help me with my homework anyway."
" At your scholarly service, ma'am." He did a little mock bow, stepping out from behind the counter, " As soon as I wipe off these tables."
She turned around to face him, " Were you late for class this morning?"
He nodded, " Finn got a little pissed off, but at least he didn't lecture me in front of the whole class." Grinning suddenly, he turned to look at her, " That reminds me, you'll never believe what Jake asked me this morning."
Bella frowned at Jake's name, remembering how weird her friend was acting the night before, " What?"
" She wants to move out of her own room and into mine." Will told her, smiling.
Bella's eyes widened, " Huh?"
He shrugged, " My reaction exactly. She and Hamilton must've had a huge fight or something because she's trying desperately to exchange rooms with Scout. Of course Scout is having no problems with this, he's dying to get out of sharing a room with me anyway."
" So� what did you tell her?" She asked carefully.
He raised an eyebrow, " I asked her when she'd be able to move in."
Bella blushed as she realised how silly her question had been and he chuckled, shaking his head, " Really, Bella, what do you think I would've said?"
" I don't know, I was just making sure." She replied, embarrassed, " I mean, of course I know that you wouldn't� but� I was just�"
He laughed at her flustered state, " It's okay, Bella, I get ya."
She grinned back at him, running her hand through her hair and shifting the subject. " So Scout's trying to move out."
Will resumed his cleaning, " Yeah."
She was silent for a minute as she contemplated this. " I guess this shouldn't surprise me." She finally said, " But what is he trying to do, just avoid us altogether? It's kinda hard if he still works here."
" Actually, not anymore." He told her, picking up his tray, " I talked to Vicki today� you know, the lady who runs the diner? She told me that Scout asked to be taken off the payroll at the end of last semester."
" You're kidding." Bella said dully, " So he's quit work, he's trying to move out of your room, it's like he's erasing all traces of us out of his life completely."
Will sighed, walking into the kitchen with his loaded tray. A moment later he walked back out, sans tray, " I think that's exactly what he's trying to do."
" I don't want to lose him as a friend, Will." She told him softly.
He looked at her, " I think we already have."
The bell above the door chimed and they turned to see Hamilton trudge in, his hand stuck deep into his pockets and head down. " Hey." They chorused, to which Hamilton replied disinterestedly after a slight lull. Seating himself down at the window booth, he asked wearily, " Can I have a Coke?"
" Sure." Will replied, exchanging concerned glances with Bella. Working the soda machine, he asked, " What's up, Ham?"
" Don't ask." Hamilton's reply came fast, and he folded his arms on the table, resting his jaw on them and he stared out the window.
Will set a tall glass down in front of him, " Here you go."
" Thanks." Hamilton replied without removing his gaze from the window. Will raised his eyebrows at Bella and she hopped off her stall, sitting down at the booth to face Hamilton, " You all right?"
Hamilton shook his head mutely.
Part 4
Faye's room
Scout leaned back on Faye's transparent blue blow-up armchair, the plastic squeaking under his weight, " Are you sure your roommate doesn't mind me hanging out here all the time?"
Faye shrugged, sitting cross-legged on her bed, " Nah, she won't. She's never home anyway." Turning her attention back to the magazine in her lap, she read out loud, " Are You Love's Bitch?" Looking up, she grinned at him, " Eloquent wording. Want to take the quiz?"
" I'll pass." He told her, " I think we both know the answer to that one already."
She smiled sympathetically, " You need to get over it."
" Don't you think I know that?" He asked her dejectedly, " But it's easy to say from your angle." His eyes narrowed as he surveyed her, how her light hair flopped forward and obscured her face from view. " Have you ever truly been in love?"
She peeked at him quizzically through the curtain of hair, " Why do you ask?"
He shrugged, " I was just wondering if you ever experienced something like this."
She tossed her hair out of her eyes and laughed, " Something like the pain that you're going through, Gay Boy?"
He pointed a warning finger at her, " Shut up about that."
" Unlikely." She told him, watching his hand dart up to touch his right earlobe, which was pierced but held no earring. " You do realise I'm going to tease you about this until the day I die?"
He groaned, " I can't believe the guy at the piercing place could've thought I was gay! Honestly, do I look like I'm gay?"
" We've had this conversation already," She told him, " And yeah, you do."
" Great." He threw his hands up in defeat, " Betrayed, unloved, and now presumed gay. Why do I even bother?"
She shook her head at him, rolling her eyes.
" Seriously though," He asked her, " Have you?"
" Have I what?" She furrowed her brows.
" Been hurt like this." He explained patiently, getting the distinct impression that she was playing dumb.
She shrugged, " The important thing is to get over it. Hey, have I shown you what I got off Ryder from our bet?"
He raised an eyebrow, amused at how she changed the subject after such a non-committal answer, but decided to leave it for now. " What?" He asked.
She reached for the drawer on her bedside table, and rummaging through it, came up with what seemed to be a photograph, " I've wanted this picture for so long." She grinned, " And I was finally able to get it off him today, since you came back and he officially lost the bet. Poor guy was positively seething."
" He was giving me the evils in class today, I guessed it was because I made him lose." Scout grinned as he got up from his seat, " What's the photo of?"
She held it back from him, " This is all confidential, all right? He'd kill me if he knew that I showed it to anyone."
" Sure, no problem." Scout replied, intrigued, " What is it?"
She handed it to him, watching his reaction.
He took it and frowned when he saw that the picture was of a young girl in a frilly pink dress. " What�" He started to say, then his jaw dropped as he recognised the face, " Oh, my god."
Faye watched as the initial shock wore off and he started to laugh uncontrollably, " That's right." She grinned, " That lovely creature you see in there is none other than my darling brother himself."
Scout was laughing so hard he doubled over, " When� why� how�" He gasped out.
Faye plucked the picture out from between his fingers, " It was back when we were still living in London. He was eleven, I think, something like that."
Scout leaned on the desk and clutched his stomach, " How the hell did you manage to get him into a dress?"
She shrugged, " Surprisingly easily� with a little help from our childhood friend, whose story I'll tell you another day. Ryder was always so feminine, don't you think? I think he actually enjoyed the experience, I remember that he wanted to keep the wig."
Scout took one look at the long, curly blonde wig that Ryder sported and cracked up again, " Ow," He tried not to fall sideways onto the bed, pushing the picture away, " Get that away from me, my stomach's killing me�"
Faye chuckled, " I kept this as a souvenir until he won it off me in a game of poker a while back. Ever since then I've been trying to get it back."
Scout took several deep breaths, trying to compose himself, " Why did he keep it when he got his hands on it? Shouldn't he have burned it or something?"
She put the photo back in her drawer, " Number one rule of gambling for the Forrest siblings, you don't destroy what you win. You keep it as bait for your next bet. They're all bargaining chips."
" So what bargaining chip did you have on him for this bet?" Scout asked, interested.
She smiled lazily, " That, Gay Boy, I believe is none of your business."
" Stop the Gay Boy thing." He growled menacingly, " What can I do to make you stop saying that?"
" Place a bet with me." She suggested, laughing, " If you win I'll stop calling you that."
He sighed, amused, " So you're not only a kleptomaniac, you're also an addicted gambler."
" I don't play for money." She told him, " It just makes my life interesting� and pisses other people off."
" A real bonus for you." He commented, seeing her Cheshire Cat-esque smile, " So what can I bet with? What are we betting on?"
" I'll let you decide." She told him, turning back to her magazine, " In the meantime, I'm afraid Gay Boy's here to stay."
* * *
Friendly's
The diner was starting to get busy with people coming in for early dinner. Will looked longingly at the clock and looked forward to 6 o�clock, when the evening shift staff would take over and he could finally get home. Glancing at the window booth, he noted that Hamilton was still staring glumly out the window. Bella sat opposite him, doing her homework.
Bella looked up just in time to catch Will�s glance and she smiled at him. He grinned back, feeling a warmth spread through him at the sight of her. In that instant words flared in his head, lyrics to a song that he could not remember the title of.
�A hand brushes by my love, a smile fuels a steel inferno��
He turned back to work, still smiling. It was so true how every touch of her could set him on fire, send him into countless flights of poetic expression. His poetry notebook was crammed full of little notes and sonnets, Bella�s image sparkling around the edges of the words and her smile filling every inch of all that was left unsaid.
God, how he loved her.
Bella turned her attention back to her books and tried to focus on her homework, but Hamilton�s blank, fatigued stare in her direction was starting to put her off. � Um�� She started, wondering if she was intruding, � Hamilton, do you want to talk?�
He blinked, � What?�
She shrugged, � I don�t want you to think I�m meddling, but if you want to talk to someone, I can listen. You look�� She paused for words, � Like you can use a friend.�
He looked at her, smiling feebly, � Thanks, Bella, but I don�t think you can do anything to help me.�
She raised an eyebrow, and he carried on, � I don�t need someone to listen, I need someone with answers.�
� Answers to what?� She asked, then wished that she hadn�t, � God, that sounded so nosy. I�m sorry, you don�t have to answer if you don�t want to.�
He smiled a little, � No, that�s okay. I mean, I didn�t think it was nosy, you were just trying to help.� He stopped, and she assumed that meant he wasn�t prepared to tell her. Shrugging, she turned back to her homework.
� She� she broke up with me.� Hamilton said softly, watching his tall glass of soda, which he hadn�t touched at all. There were ice cubes in the drink that had long since melted, but as a result of the cold, condensation formed on the outside of the glass, droplets trailing down the transparent cylinder and making a wet ring on the Formica counter.
Bella looked up with a start, � Jake?�
He bit his lip and nodded.
� What? Why?� Bella exclaimed, shocked, � When did this happen?�
� Last night.� Hamilton told her, still watching the water drops slide down the glass, � She came home and just told me it�s over.�
Bella bit her lip, � She had dinner at my house last night.� She said, � And I thought she was acting really strange, but I had no idea�� She shook her head again, � I definitely know I�m meddling now, but I thought you guys were totally in love�� She stopped again, looking toward him in confirmation.
� We were. We are. Or maybe only I am.� He shook his head, exhausted, � I don�t know. I don�t know why she did it and I don�t know how to fix it. She wouldn�t tell me anything.�
� She just broke up with you out of the blue?� She frowned, confused.
� She said it's because she can't handle everything anymore.� He reached out, absently taking a sip from his drink. The melted ice had diluted the coke, which had gone flat, a combination that tasted terrible. He pushed it away, " But She won't tell me what this�" He shrugged, " � 'everything' is. It's just so screwed."
Bella watched him thoughtfully, � I think something happened in London, Hamilton.�
� Duh.� He looked less than impressed. Catching hold of himself, he smiled apologetically, � I�m sorry, I didn�t mean that. It�s just� I�ve had too much to deal with lately, and I�m just too��
� Overwhelmed?� She suggested.
He shrugged, � Yeah, overwhelmed, burdened, crushed, take your pick. I figured something must�ve happened in England, because she was fine when she left. I just wish I could�� He broke off and she watched in confusion as he stood up abruptly, his eyes widening, � Of course! Why didn�t I think of it sooner?�
� Hamilton?� Bella asked tentatively.
He turned his attention back to her, � Sorry, Bella, but I just thought of something and I have to go, okay? Thanks for talking to me, you were a great help, really.� And with that he stumbled out of the booth and practically ran out of the diner.
Bella watched the glass door swing shut, a mixture of bewilderment and amusement written on her face. Will came up to the booth and raised his eyebrows at Hamilton�s rapid exit, � Where is he going?�
She shrugged, � I think he�s one step closer to unravelling the �what happened to Jake?� mystery.�
� God, yeah, I hope he figures it out soon.� Will sighed, � She�s been acting so weird ever since she came back.�
� I just hope it�s nothing too serious.� Bella replied, still looking out of the glass door.
* * *
Finn�s office
Finn drummed his fingers on the mahogany desk and looked at Jake with concern. Said girl sat opposite him in a decidedly male fashion and he could not help but marvel at how much she seemed like a boy, not only her androgynous features but her mannerisms in general, with only tiny gestures betraying hints of her femininity. Must be the acting genes from her mother.
Jake wondered why Finn was staring at her so weirdly. She resisted the urge to cross her arms over her chest and instead cleared her throat, willing him to snap out of whatever trance he was in.
Finn gave an involuntary little jump, startled, and Jake fought the urge to smile at the expression on his face.
� Well, Mr Pratt,� Finn began, regaining his composure, � I�m afraid I don�t have good news.�
Jake sighed, � I can�t change rooms?�
Finn shook his head, � Sorry, housing rules, you only get to change once a year. Even if Will did agree to swap - and I don�t think he has�� He paused for a moment, and seeing Jake shake her head in confirmation, carried on, � It�s not Rawley policy to do something like this. It�s harsh, I know, but I�m sorry, I can�t help it.�
Jake nodded, disappointed.
� I guess you�ve had some sort of� disagreement with Hamilton?� Finn asked hesitantly.
Jake shrugged, � Yeah.�
Finn spread his hands, � Then the best alternative that I can think of� or rather the only alternative that seems feasible, would be you trying to convince him to go back and live at home again. It was your room, after all.�
Jake frowned, � I can�t ask him to do that.�
Finn smiled apologetically, � Then I�m afraid there�s nothing I can do.�
� No problem.� Finn replied, beginning to rifle through some paperwork on the desk. Jake paused a the door and turned back to him, looking vaguely hopeful again, � Actually�� She flung her hair out of her eyes, � I might try and see if he�d be willing to move out. I�ll let you know, okay?�
Finn looked up again, � All right. Talk it over with him.�
Jake nodded and walked out of the door. Sticking her hands in her pockets, she trudged towards her room.
A few guys in the halls said hi and she passed them with quiet greetings.
Her footsteps heavy, she wondered how on earth she was going to ask Hamilton to move out. It had been her idea to ask him to move in last semester, and it proved to be one of her better judgement choices. He had been in close proximity when she needed the comfort of his arms and the tenderness of his words, having him that close to her, day after day after day, was a reassurance that was made alien to her years ago, thanks to the prolonged absences of her mother.
But no more. She needed to get away, she couldn�t do it anymore.
The irony hummed in her head and she blocked it out, how she needed him more than ever right now, yet she had to push him away.
But maybe that wasn�t true, she mused. From any angle it appeared as though she didn�t have to, except for one: her own.
A part of her knew that it would�ve been easier if she had told him everything at the start. Being the amazing person that he is he would�ve held her as she cried and dried her tears with a reassuring hand, taken her pain and weighed it on himself, holding up her skies above their heads so that their world did not come caving in.
She hated not being with him and not telling him everything, but there was just so much to work out, so many exposed, raw nerves to calm before she could bear to do anything else.
In the meantime she couldn�t be with him. Their relationship was on unlimited hold and she was just clinging to the prayer that he may still be there when she is ready to come back, free from hysteria, free from breakdown that threatened so imminently.
She knew that was a risk, discarding him like that, hurting him like that.
But she just couldn�t deal with it now.
She could sense emotions welling up in her and she closed her eyes briefly, willing them away, pushing them down, guarding her heart and her mind from the memories.
She opened her door, walking in, and sat down on her bed, glancing at the wall clock. It was only quarter to six, and the night stretched in front of her like an endless road. Herself a lone traveller, solitary, no choice but to keep walking.
She sighed, wondering if she should start on her homework. Just as she reached for her book bag, the door burst open and Hamilton dashed in, looking as though he had just ran the entire way from town to the school. Which, she reflected a while later, he probably had.
He skidded to a stop when he saw her there, � Hey.� He said a trifle awkwardly, his eyes apprehensive.
� Hi.� She replied just as uneasily. Don�t ask questions for I cannot answer them, she thought as she slid off her bed, wondering how she was going to survive living with him any longer. She had to leave, or he had to.
� Hamilton�� She began with difficulty, how was she going to convince him to move out? Why did she have the right to invite him in and throw him out on whims? Sure, he might be understanding and know that she could not handle living with him, but she owed him too much already.
� Yeah?� He looked at her, and she could make out in his eyes the desperate hope that he clutched at, the thought that she might tell him what was wrong and allow him to kiss it better.
It was all she could do not to scream.
Shaking her head, she made it to the door, taking her bike keys off the dresser as she moved, � I�m sorry, I have to� I have to go.� She muttered as she let herself out.
Hamilton was left standing in the middle of the room and watching the door close. For a moment or two he simply stayed in that position, and let the confusion wash over him like a wave.
* * *
Friendly�s
*Morcheeba�s �Never an Easy Way� plays softly in the background*
Faye parked her car out on the side of New Rawley�s Main Street and got out, shivering at the sudden chill. Scout, in the passenger�s seat, did the same. Although it was barely six o�clock, night had already fallen and the street lamps cast soft yellow circles of light on the pavement.
� I�m so hungry.� Faye commented as they walked up to Friendly�s.
Scout grinned at her, � You�re always hungry.�
Faye was about to reply when she saw his footsteps suddenly falter. Glancing at him quizzically, she saw that his eyes were trained on the gas station across the street. Following his line of sight, she couldn�t help but shake her head when she realised that he was looking at the silhouettes of Will and Bella as they stood on the doorsteps of the house, apparently saying goodbye for the night.
Scout bit the inside of his lip as he watched the two figures, half-covered in shadow and standing partially obscured by Bella�s truck. Will had his arms around Bella and she was smiling at something that he said, trailing a finger absently across his collar.
--'I think I slip the net / but I cut myself free / I'm not losing yet / so don't forget me / I'll say it, replay it / and try tomorrow / I'll say it, replay it / and live with sorrow�'
Scout watched them, his head strangely empty save for one scene that seemed to have stamped itself - and all its associated bitterness - into his mind. For a moment he felt as though he was being transported back in time, to a night that he knew he could never relive.
*Flashback*
It was a balmy summer night, the dark was warm against his skin as he wheeled his bike up to her and she had laughed, " Are you stalking me?"
He had shrugged, " I couldn't decide between obsessive compulsive or cool and disinterested."
" I always thought that cool and disinterested was overrated." She had replied with a little half-smile.
� Okay." He thought for a moment before turning back to her, his eyes twinkling, " Shall we dance?�
� You're kidding, right?� She had grinned.
� I never kid about anything as serious as dancing.� He had said, taking her into his arms. Her breath was soft as a feather against his cheek, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, her smile inches away from his own.
*End flashback*
He blinked and the feeling was gone. That night had long slipped away, summer had disappeared, and the love that they once held was nothing more than just another memory.
And there she was with Will, smiling as she had once smiled at him.
God, that hurt.
And he could only watch as Will leaned in and brushed his lips against hers, the two of them so much in love, so perfect against the night.
--'You think I'd learn by now / There's never an easy way / I'll get through somehow / On my knees, to pray / On my knees to pray�'
A reassuring hand placed itself on his arm, and he swayed a little, turning with difficulty to see Faye stand there, her gloved hand steadying more than just the physical. If he didn't know her any better he would've sworn that he had seen tenderness in her eyes.
Faye fought the urge to bite her lip at the expression on Scout's face, and instead gently turned him around, her movements slow and calming.
She turned him away from Bella and Will and steered him towards the car.
" It's always darkest before dawn." She said as she turned on the ignition, and Scout wasn't sure if she was talking to him, or herself. He didn't quite understand the purpose of that statement either. But her voice was quietly soothing, and for that he was thankful.
Will and Bella never saw them as they drove away.
--'You think I'd learn by now / There's never an easy way / I'll get through somehow / On my knees / to pray / I'm on my knees / to pray�'
Part 5
Scout and Will's room
Faye crouched down before the lighted terrarium and observed the tortoise, who wasn't moving. " You know you have to soak him, right?"
" What?" Scout wasn't listening. He sat down heavily on his bed, running a hand through his dark hair.
" George." Faye explained, " You have to take him out of the tank and soak him in some warm water two or three times a week."
Scout tried to focus on what she was saying, " Soak him every two or three weeks, okay."
She turned to look at him, scanning his distracted expression with vague amusement, " You're going to desiccate him pretty quickly if you do that, Scout."
He nodded, his mind obviously elsewhere, " Desiccate him, okay, I got it."
She laughed out loud as she got up and walked over to sit beside him, snapping her fingers in front of his face.
He shook his head, surprised, " What are you doing?"
She shrugged, " Seemed like you needed a jolt." Catching sight of the slight furrow in his brows, she remarked gently, " I didn't realise that it was going to affect you that much, you know, seeing Will and Bella together."
" Neither did I." He replied, sweeping a tired hand over his forehead. Shrugging a little, he mused, " I guess I'm not as well-adjusted as I thought I was."
" Or maybe you're only beginning to really adjust." She commented.
He turned to look at her, " What do you mean?"
She frowned, trying to gather the words, " I can't help but feel as though� I mean, it seems that you're finally starting to see how beautiful they really are together, and you're finally realising that you may not be the love of Bella's life or that Will might be pardoned - at least justified - for what he had done�"
" Faye," He interrupted, his tone tortured, " Do you have any idea what you're talking about?"
She paused, scanning his expression. He had turned a little pale, his eyes cold and bright as they searched hers.
" Do you know how much it hurts?" He asked softly, " Do you?"
She looked at him silently.
" Do you know that I loved her from the moment I saw her? Do you know that I thought I could never be happy again when her father told me that we were related? Do you know how much it hurt, knowing that we could never�" He turned away, and she noticed that his hands were shaking, " Damn it, Faye, I loved her! And� Will knew it. He knew it!"
" So what are you saying?" She asked, " That they should give up this love just because you can't handle it?"
" I'm not saying that." He told her, burying his face in his hands.
" You don't have to accept the fact, Scout." She whispered softly, " You only need to learn to forgive them."
" God! Do you understand pain at all?" He exploded, bringing a fist down on the bed, " How can I forgive them? How can I when it hurts too much just to think about the two of them together? No one understands, but everyone tells me to 'just get over it'! Not one person realises just how hard it really is�"
" Don't give me this crap." She told him, flinging her hair out of her eyes, " You're not the only one in pain here! Can't you see that all of us have to deal with something or other? You may be hurt, but everyone else is too! You think that Bella and Will aren't beating themselves up over this now? You think they like making you miserable? Everyone understands pain, Scout, every single person in this world!"
He recoiled, staring at her in surprise.
Faye wretched up her left sleeve, exposing her upper arm. Scout winced when he saw the number of faint red slash marks that lined the pale flesh.
" See this?" She asked, " This was how I tried to deal after�" She paused, skipping over whatever it was, "� I cut myself with scissors, with knives, with razors, with anything that I could get my hands on, just so that I could feel some kind of pain other than what was inside me." She glared at him, " Now look me in the eye, Scout Calhoun, and tell me that I don't understand what you're going through."
He opened his mouth but could not find words. Swallowing, his gaze darted up to meet hers for a fraction of a second before falling again.
" How old were you?" He asked quietly, eyes travelling over the scars.
She pulled her sleeve down again. " Fourteen. I was young, and I was stupid as hell, but I knew what it felt like to be hurt." She looked up, " Don't tell me you can't get over it, because you can. They've hurt you, and they're sorry, but that's not going to do any good until you look past yourself for once."
He was silent.
" You think no one understands, but they do." She told him, " You love, you get hurt, you bleed you cry you get over it you move on. You don't heal if you insist on keeping the wounds open."
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Hamilton rummaged through Jake's underwear drawer, trying to find her journal. He wondered again if he had remembered to lock the door. Last time she had caught him with the journal open in his hands and he could recall how pissed off she had gotten, so he was careful to take precautions this time.
Under normal circumstances he wouldn't have touched the diary, knowing that she wasn't one to share her private thoughts with anyone, not even him, a wish that he respected.
But then, he justified, 'now' wasn't really a 'normal circumstance'. He was going crazy not knowing what was wrong with her, and desperate times called for desperate measures.
Ergo, the-snooping-around-in-the-underwear-drawer. Not one of the high points of his life, but he could deal.
His fingers closed over the diary and he took it out, staring at the stiff black cover.
* * *
Friendly's
Bella waved at Will as he rode away in the direction of the school, and she sighed softly. Walking back into the house, she called out, " Gracie called, she's not coming home for dinner."
Charlie poked his head out of the kitchen, " Again?"
" Yeah." Bella sighed, setting the table slowly, " It feels like she doesn't even live here anymore. What are we going to do about her?"
Charlie carried a bowl of salad out to the table, " She has been hanging around that Peterson boy's place far too much lately. I don't like him, I really don't."
" You mean Joe?" Bella asked, pouring both of them a glass of water, " Yeah, in the past few years he had kinda taken a turn for the worse."
Charlie nodded, bringing more food out of the kitchen, " Yeah, I'll have to talk to Grace soon." Catching Bella's doubtful look, he grinned, " I know what you're thinking. She's not gonna listen to me, is she?"
" I just feel�" Bella sat down, tucking her hair behind her ears, " So powerless to stop her from anything that she wants to do. I mean, I know it's her life, but I can't stand watching her taking the same road as mom, you know? She's so�" She stopped, wondering how she could describe Grace in terms that had slightly better connotations than others.
Charlie nodded slowly, " I know what you mean. I guess we just have to try to get through to her, and if that doesn't work�" He shrugged, lost for ideas, " You know I'm not a fan of grounding, but if she keeps this up, I may have to do something along those lines - for her own safety, of course."
Bella nodded, helping herself to mashed potatoes.
" So," Charlie changed the topic, " What about you? Anything interesting happening in your life?"
Bella shook her head.
Charlie caught a flicker of something cross her face and remarked, " Is something wrong?"
She looked up with a start, " No, nothing's wrong. Why do you ask?"
He shrugged, " You just seem� a little lost."
" Lost?" Bella repeated, " No, I'm fine."
" You sure?" Charlie asked doubtfully, " You sure there's nothing you want to talk to me about? Everything's all right with school? Your friends? Will?"
" They are all fine, dad." Bella replied slowly.
" Then why does it seem like you have something on your mind?" Charlie pressed.
Bella shrugged, looking down at her plate.
* * *
Rawley Academy
Will left his bike by the dorms and glanced at his watch, deciding that it was time to go to dinner. He started in the direction of the dining hall, but as he passed the boat shed at the edge of the lake, he was momentarily distracted by a shadow that sat leaning against its walls.
" Jake?" He called uncertainly, walking in the direction of the shadow.
The sitting figure shifted and Jake peered out at the darkness, " Who is it?"
" It's me. Will." Will replied as he walked to her side, " What are you doing out here?"
She shrugged, " Thinking."
" Mind if I join you?" He asked.
She shrugged again, " Whatever."
He sat down next to her, resting his back against the wall. For a long moment neither of them spoke, Will watching the lake and Jake watching the sky.
" Wanna talk?" He asked after a while.
She shook her head, " Not really."
He was silent for a minute before rephrasing, " Maybe I should've asked 'Do you need to talk'?"
She bit her lip, but said nothing.
" What's wrong, Jake?" He turned his head slightly so that he could look at her, " We're all worried about you."
" I know you are." She acknowledged, still staring up at the sky. A little patch of clouds had cleared and a few stars shone through the gap, and she stared, transfixed, at that tiny area of sparkle and clarity.
" And�" He prompted gently.
She looked away from the sky, " And nothing, Will. There is nothing for me to say."
Part 6
Bella's house
Bella put away the last of the dishes, pulled the plug out of the kitchen sink and stood there for a moment watching the sudsy water twirl down the drain. Drying her hands, she walked back into the living room.
Charlie had turned on the TV, and he sat on the couch, glancing up at her as she walked in. He patted the seat next to him with a smile and Bella sat down next to him, running a hand through her hair and sighing.
" Long day?" Charlie asked.
She shrugged, " I guess."
He glanced at her, " Bella, are you sure everything's all right? You seem a little�" She turned to look at him and he wrinkled his brows, "� down. I can't quite put my finger on it."
She paused for a moment as if deliberating over what to say, then smiled slightly, " It's� it's nothing, dad."
" Bella, if you have something on your mind�" He began.
She smiled again, a little embarrassed, " No, um� see, I'm sure it's nothing to be worried about, you know? I don't want to make this big song and dance over�" She shrugged again, " Well, nothing."
" I think the fact that you're sitting here talking about 'nothing' means that this 'nothing' is something." Charlie told her. Hearing his own words, he made a face, " God, I sound like a philosopher. Can you imagine that? Me?" She giggled. " Seriously," He continued, " If you have some nagging feelings about something, maybe it's best to get it out in the open."
Bella looked down at her hands, " Maybe you're right." She agreed. " Okay, um�" She stopped again, looking up, " I feel really stupid for saying this. It's just a feeling I get, and I'm going all obsessive over it."
" Bella, sometimes feelings are the truest things you can have." He urged gently, " Don't brush them away."
She bit her lip and nodded, " Okay. The thing is, I feel like they're drifting away from me, dad. Everyone. Will, Sean, Jake, Scout, all my friends at school� you know? It seems like they are all moving, and I'm just standing still."
" Why do you feel this?" He asked, surprised.
She shook her head, " See, that's the thing. I don't know exactly why, I just sense it happening, and it's like� I can't stop it. All the kids in town are the same as always, and as much as I try to convince myself, Rawley is still just this totally different world - I'm not part of it. I'm not one of them, Charlie, but Will is." She looked away, fumbling for words, " Or he will be. He doesn't seem to be changing, but he is, more than he dreamed possible."
Charlie gazed at her thoughtfully as she continued, " I know I shouldn't be, but I'm scared, Charlie. It feels like everyone's life has gone on without me, and they're leaving me behind."
" That's not true, Bella." He told her, " Everyone loves you and needs you. Will comes here with every chance he's got, Sean's on great terms with all of you, and what about your friend Jake? He came around last night, didn't he? No one wants to leave you behind."
" But that's just it." She replied, " They don�t want to, but it's hard for them not to. I'm not like the Rawley kids, but by hanging out with them, I'm beginning to feel as though I'm losing touch with the rest of the town. In the time when they are at Rawley and I'm somewhere else� like at school, I'm starting to feel lost. Alienated."
Charlie stared at her, and she sighed, " Is there really no happy medium between 'us' and 'them'?"
" Will found it, didn't he?" He tried to console her.
She shook her head sadly, " No, I don't think he had. That's exactly what I've been talking about, it's almost like� he had left us for Rawley�"
" Bella?" Charlie asked quietly, but she did not hear him and continued, " He's not� he's not really one of us anymore, and it scares me� so much."
* * *
Scout and Will's room
" How long did it take you to recover?" Scout asked softly, staring into space.
Faye leaned back against the windowsill and shrugged, " A long time. Too long, I think."
" Why did you do it?" He asked, " Why hurt yourself?"
She glanced at him, " You have to understand that we deal with things differently, Scout. You can't judge anyone else on how they choose to overcome their own pain. I know it was wrong for me to do it, but it's not up to you to condemn me for doing it."
" I wasn't." He said quietly.
She nodded, " Good."
" So�" He started again, trailing off.
" It's just that," She shook her head, " don't ever think you're alone in feeling that way. Don't assume that no one understands."
He didn't reply, and she slid off the bed, " We never got to the diner. I am so hungry, come on, let's go get some food."
He shook his head, " You go. I don't feel like eating right now."
" Okay." She walked to the door and picked her coat up from where she draped it over his chair. " See ya later."
Her hand was on the door handle when he spoke up again, " Faye."
" Yeah?" She turned to look at him.
" Why are you always so objective?" He wondered.
She grinned, " My therapist rubbed off on me. 'Night."
He raised an eyebrow as she walked out into the hall and closed the door behind her. Listening to her footsteps fade away, he turned his head and gazed out the window.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Hamilton checked that the door was really locked before returning to the journal that lay opened on his bed. Flicking through the pages, he quickly scanned lines of Jake's neat handwriting, trying to fathom some reason to her new and bizarre behaviour.
His eyes dashed over the dates that were scrawled over the top of each page, noting the end of fall semester. Stopping briefly at that page, he smiled gently when he saw what she had written.
'I'm sitting on the plane and already missing Ham like crazy. Looking forward to seeing mom though, hope that she has some free time when I get there.'
He skipped over the next few parts to the next entry.
'Mom actually came and met me personally at the airport. I was expecting the usual chauffeur and excuses for why she couldn't pick me up herself, so that was a nice surprise. We went out to dinner and it was good, I guess. I would've loved it if it was more normal though. Of course she had to choose the seat by the window so that adoring fans kept on running up to our table during the entire course of the meal demanding autographs.
She loves the attention. She basks in it, it's like her life. Correction, it is her life.
But I just wish she can step away from her actress persona once in a while and become my mom. You know, my mom and only my mom. Had she ever been that? I can't remember, I honestly can't.'
Hamilton shook his head, sighing. He only knew too well how much of a model mother Monica was not. He flipped past a few pages and resumed reading.
'We went to another party on Christmas Eve. I don't know what I was expecting, some solid mother-daughter time perhaps? But all she seems to do these days is take me out to one party after the other. She's doing The Crucible at the moment - I think, and she's having a fling with her co-star - Hence the 'f�tes nombreuses'. I feel like a perpetual third wheel.'
He remembered that she called him on Christmas Eve and they spent a solid hour talking on the phone before she had to go and get ready for 'another party', she had said, sighing, " I wish I was with you now."
He thumbed through the pages, quickly scanning the recounts of the other days.
'Went shopping with mom, bought lots of clothes that I can't wear when I get back to Rawley. I have to sneak out one of these days and stock up on my guy gear.'
'Grant - that's mom's new boyfriend - is holding another party on New Year's Eve.'
'Can't wait to see Hamilton. I'm obsessively Emailing him these days. Another week and three days to go!'
'Grant's party tonight. Mom's getting so hyper, it's hard to watch her. Me? I'd rather stay at home with a book or something, but she's dragging me there.'
'All dressed up and ready to go. Can't believe this is the end of another year. Just sent a quick Email to Hamilton.'
Hamilton checked the date on the top of the page. It was New Year's eve, and he remembered the short Email that she had sent him that day. It was also the last time he heard from her before she came back. He kept reading.
'It's really amazing to think what had happened to me this year. I feel like I've become this whole new person� and I guess, in a way, I had. At this time last year I wouldn't have dreamed that I'd be going to a boys' school and pretending to be a gay guy. Just how twisted is that? Hmm, I'd be a little bit more contemplative now but mom's waiting, I better go now. More later.'
But there wasn't. It was the last entry.
Hamilton looked up from the journal, no less confused than before.
* * *
Outside Rawley Academy
Will watched Jake out of the corner of his eye. She hugged her knees to her chest and didn't remove her gaze from the lake.
" It's getting cold, Jake." He told her gently, " Do you want to go back inside?"
" No, it's okay." She told him, " You go. I'm just gonna� sit here for a while."
Will had half a mind to go, but he didn't move, " I'm not going to leave you out here. Come on, let's go and get some dinner."
" Will, it's all right." She insisted, " I just need a bit more time alone."
" You don't need time alone." He told her, concern taking over, " You need to talk to someone. You need to get it out, whatever that's eating you up. Jake, talk to me, talk to anyone. Just� don't do this."
She turned abruptly, " You don't know what I need, Will."
" But I know what you don't need." He countered, " You don't need any more silence. If you want to let it out, I can listen. All of us can."
" What do you want me to say?" She asked vehemently, " Every one of you tell me that you are ready to listen, and I know that! I just can't do it right now! If I start speaking, I'll have to�" She trailed off, and sighing with frustration, looked down again.
" You'll have to what?" He asked gently, " If you start speaking, what do you have to do?"
She didn't answer.
" We're just worried about you." He said softly, taken aback, " We didn't mean to pressure you into saying anything."
" I can't� I can't say anything now." She whispered, " Give me time, okay? I need to think things over."
He nodded slowly, " You know you can, you know, talk to me any time. I'll be a friend when you need me to."
" Thank you." She told him.
Will grinned lightly and stood up, extending his hand, " It's starting to rain. Come on, let's go back."
She shook her head, " I'm just going to stay here." She smiled a little, " Watch the rain, or something."
The rustles of the falling rain grew louder around them, but the overhanging roof proved enough shelter from it. It was cold, though.
Will looked at her, sighed, and sat down again. She glanced at him quickly, surprised, but did not say anything.
And together they watched the rain.
The night had fallen, and so ended another day.
*Will's voiceover starts and Billie Myers' 'Kiss The Rain' begins to play *
'Today was one of those days when you wake up and wish that you hadn't. Today was one of those days when you open your eyes and know that you have to do what you have to do, just to get through the day. You spend those waking hours trying to find some good in your life, trying to look for answers, trying to make amends.'
--'Hello / Can you hear me? / Am I gettin' through to you / Hello / Is it late there? / There's laughter on the line / Are you sure you're there alone? / Cos I'm tryin' to explain / Something's wrong / You just don't sound the same / Why don't you, why don't you / Go outside, go outside / Kiss the rain�'
* * *
Scout looked out of his window, and could just make out Faye's outline as she san down the steps of the boys' dormitories and into the fine misty rain. He watched, a small smile gradually creeping up his face, as she tilted her head back and tried to catch raindrops on her tongue whilst all the time walking along the winding path, her black coat billowing out behind her.
* * *
Charlie laid a comforting arm around Bella's shoulders, and she tried to smile at him. The TV screen flickered and they turned their attention to it, letting the rain outside fall, trickles of water quietly dripping down the edges of the shingled roof.
* * *
Hamilton looked again at the journal in his hands, his gaze coming to rest on the blank pages after the entry on New Year's Eve.
* * *
--'Kiss the rain / Whenever you need me / Kiss the rain / Whenever I'm gone too long / If your lips / Feel lonely and thirsty / Kiss the rain / And wait for the dawn�'
Jake leaned back against the rickety walls of the shed, pulling her jacket closer to herself. Beside her, Will did the same.
*Will's voiceover continues*
'At the end of the day, you may not have found anything at all, but at least you have gotten through it. And I guess that's the only thing that matters on a day like this. Bleak as it was, it is over, and there's always the prospect of a brighter tomorrow.'
--'Keep in mind / We're under the same sky / And the night / Is empty for me as for you / If you feel / You can't wait till morning / Kiss the rain / Kiss the rain / Kiss the rain�'
