Author's Note: Having been pissed off at the fact that everyone seems to be way too old to be freshmen, I have now magically bumped everyone up a grade. Hence, most of the YA gang are now sophomores; Faye is a junior; Ryder is a senior doing 10th grade English. This does muck up some storylines in the second season but as far as I know, not excessively so. I blame this entirely on my lack of foresight, and sorry about the confusion.
Part 1
Teaser
*Sarah McLachlan's 'Building a Mystery' starts to play with the opening fade-in*
Somewhere, high above the Atlantic Ocean, where the sun was shining over a sea of clouds, a Boeing 767 glided through the air.
--'You come out at night / That's when the energy comes / And the dark side's light / and the vampires roam / You strut your rasta wear / and your suicide poem / And a cross from a faith / that died before Jesus came / You're building a mystery�'
Jacqueline Pratt looked out of the small window by her seat in the plane. Bundled up in thick winter clothes, she nevertheless managed to look distinctly feminine. Her short dark hair was slicked back with a side part, and with a deep shade of lipstick, she managed to look rather more Goth than usual.
Then again, what look was usual to Jacqueline Pratt? Not one that was donned by most girls, that was for sure.
She seemed to ponder this for a moment, before training her eyes on the outside of the window again. Beyond the thick glass, she could see clouds stretch out in every direction, sunlight highlighting and shadowing the fluffy white mounds where they needed definition. It was like a wholly separate kingdom out there, a Kingdom of Clouds, a place that looked as though there'd be no bounds.
It was strange how the scene looked so familiar, almost d�j� vu-like, with the spectacular cloudscape seemingly repeating itself over and over again, simply an ocean of recurring scenery. Yet it subtly alters somehow. Nothing seemed to stay still and constant in the air, though the clouds looked as tranquil and stationary as can be.
Then again, that may be the Law of Life. She mused, smiling a little to herself. The smile was by no means happy. It carried hints of something unsettling, something sad and forlorn.
Life does that. Changes, often unseen, still occur without fail.
If you dive through the clouds, fall through the dense white mist as if in a dream, you can see the ocean shimmer, the sun's rays bouncing off the gentle waves, and the waters look like silk.
* * *
The town of New Rawley seems unchanged. Or maybe it hasn't. But who knows? Over these three weeks anything could've happened in any of these quaint little houses that litter the street, a family may have been brought together or ripped apart, someone could've fallen in love or broke their heart, someone could've died and someone else may have been born. Life, for those people, will never be the same again.
But New Rawley, or indeed anywhere, remains unchanged, despite what may be hidden in the town's depths, invisible to the wandering eye.
--'You live in a church / Where you sleep with voodoo dolls / and you won't give up the search / for the ghosts in the halls / You wear sandals in the snow / and a smile that won't wash away / Can you look out the window / Without your shadow getting in the way�'
Going down the now familiar Main Street, looking through the large windows of Friendly's, three teens can be seen assembled around the counter, two boys and one girl.
Bella Banks leaned on the counter, her elbows propping her up and her hands were folded under her chin. She looked the same as always, a pretty all-American girl whose smile lights up the room like the sunshine outside. Sweeping her long blonde hair out of her face, she laughed as Will Krudski said something, looking at her.
Will hadn't changed, either. He was wearing his blue Friendly's uniform, and as Bella playfully ruffled his strawberry-blond hair, his trademark grin spread over his face, lighting up his blue eyes.
Sean McGrail sat with them, not talking much but he laughed at Will's comment, whatever that might've been. He stirred his soda with a straw and looked towards Will and Bella thoughtfully, still smiling, but just a hint of melancholy escaped his eyes.
Still, he was happy where he was, happy in knowing that Will and Bella were a couple now.
Maybe that wasn't entirely true, he thought, taking a sip from his drink. It was what he hoped was true, at any rate.
* * *
Hamilton Fleming sat in the computer suite of Rawley Boys' Academy, his fingers flying over the keyboard. He was logged onto the internet, and was just completing an Email.
' Jake, where the hell are you? You haven't contacted me for over a week and I'm worried sick. I tried calling but I could never get through on your phone or your mom's number. Please please PLEASE reply as soon as you read this, I need to know that you're okay! I know you're due back soon, but I haven't heard from you so I'm completely in the dark here, where are you and why are you doing this to me? God, please tell me you're all right.'
His eyes quickly scanned over the message, and typing 'love, Hamilton' on the end of it, he clicked on the button that said Send.
--'Oh you're so beautiful / With an edge and a charm / But so careful / when I'm in your arms / Cos you're working / building a mystery / Holding on and holding it in / Yeah you're working / Building a mystery / and choosing so carefully�'
Standing up wearily, he walked over to the window and looked out, his gaze troubled. Rawley Academy looked the same as always, yet the anxiety inside of him kept him from seeing much of its apparent beauty.
Staring at the grey stone buildings and the rolling green lawns, his blue eyes showed no recognition, only worry.
* * *
A red Corvette zoomed down the highway, and sitting in the driver's seat, Ryder Forrest adjusted his rearview mirror. From there he could see the car behind him, a black BMW convertible, following him closely.
Faye Archer spun the steering wheel around, and the car took a tight curve on the road, keeping up with her brother. Her ice blonde hair streamed behind her, and her cheeks were pink with the wind blasting in her face. Despite the biting cold she did not roll the roof up, preferring to bathe in the sunshine, weak as it was. Her gloved fingers tapped on the steering wheel in time to the song blasting out of her car stereo, and she smiled slightly, thinking of the semester ahead and what it may bring.
--'You woke up screaming aloud / A prayer from your secret god / You feed off our fears / And hold back your tears / Give us a tantrum / and a know it all grin / Just when we need one / When the evening's thin�'
* * *
The airport was bustling with activity. Amidst all of the hurrying travellers and baggage and trolleys, always to go somewhere or to meet and greet someone, a pale figure emerged from the women's restroom, looking around warily. It was a lanky boy with floppy dark hair, clad in jeans and a couple of shirts layered over one another. He carried a backpack and a leather jacket was strewn over his shoulder.
Had any of the other travellers on the Delta flight, London to Boston, paid any notice, they might've found it surprising that this boy was in fact the pretty girl that had sat in her seat during the whole flight, looking out the window at the neverending cloudscape.
Jacqueline Pratt no longer, she told herself, settle back into the 'Jake' persona, it's strangely comforting to return to these baggy clothes and even the binder. Somehow it gave her more courage to face the world.
--'Oh you're a beautiful / a beautiful fucked up man / You're setting up your / razor wire shrine / Cos you're working / building a mystery / Holding on and holding it in / Yeah you're working / Building a mystery / and choosing so carefully�'
Once outside the airport, Jake looked around briefly before boarding a bus that was already loaded with passengers, most of them boys that she knew from school, returning to Rawley after Christmas spent in a place far away, like her. She smiled and nodded at a few acquaintances, glancing around quickly before she sat down.
But whoever she was looking for, he was not there.
Part 2 - theme song, opening credits, blah blah. Oh yeah, Faye is pretty much a regular for this season
Friendly's
Will, Bella and Sean walked out of the diner, shivering slightly in the chill. Though it was the afternoon, the sun still offered no heat, merely light. Having come out of his shift, Will said goodbye to his friend and his girlfriend.
Sean turned away when Will kissed Bella briefly on the lips. It was, for the past three weeks, something that he had grown accustomed to seeing, though he'd rather not see it. Bella and Will noticed this, of course, and tried to keep any display of intimacy to a minimum, which he was grateful for.
But sometimes he still had to endure things like this. He couldn't expect the couple to put their relationship away whenever he hung out with them (which was most of the time, mind), and they couldn't expect him to put up with full on PDA all the time. Well, okay, that was an exaggeration, he could barely stand a little kiss between them, and that was what they have restrained themselves to, in front of him.
So that was a compromise. The friendship between the three of them had somewhat salvaged itself over winter break, and for that he was thankful. Hurt as he was, he could not have stood losing two of his best friends at the same time.
" All right, I'll see you guys later." Will told them, walking away. Bella and Sean waved. Will grinned at them, turned around, and kept walking.
*Will's voiceover begins*
' Sometimes changes seem to occur when you are least expectant of it. Sometimes, they just happen without you even noticing. Spring semester is starting, and though I am excited by the prospects that it may offer, I am equally wary of the changes that are yet to come, given the turbulent memories of summer session and fall semester before now. Don't get me wrong, I love not knowing what is around the corner, wanting to take each day as a brand new experience, but, I guess there's a part of me that is cynical of what that experience may be. We know that in the course of life we grow up and we grow old, but what we don't know, is what we may find or lose along the way.'
As Will walked down the street, he spotted a horde of guys jumping off a bus at the bus stop. Wondering if Scout Calhoun would be there, he walked closer.
Scout had not contacted him, or anyone that he knew at Rawley for the entire three weeks, and Will had wondered incessantly about whether his former best friend would return for spring semester. He exchanged greetings with a few guys whom he knew as they walked past them, then he saw Jake coming out of the bus, backpack in tow. " Hey!" He called, waving.
Jake looked up, a vacant expression in her eyes. " Oh, hi Will." She said unenthusiastically, " How are you?"
" Great." He replied, falling into step with her, " How was London?"
She shrugged, and he noticed that she looked very pale and drained. " Is something wrong?" He asked, concerned.
She glanced at him quickly, shaking her head, " No."
She didn't offer any more elaboration, and Will, taking in her tired appearance, thought it best not to ask. " So�" He changed the subject, " Scout wasn't on this bus, was he?"
She looked up again, frowning, " No, I thought he would've been back by now. This is the last�" She trailed off when she saw Will's pensive look, and sighed.
" �bus to come in before school starts. I know." Will finished for her, closing his eyes briefly. " So what does this mean? He's really not coming back?"
" Maybe he's just late, I don't know." She tried to comfort him, though she didn't really believe it herself, " He could've missed his plane. Or maybe he couldn't get a seat on the plane that he was supposed to catch. I wouldn't give up hope just now."
Will sighed, " I hope you're right. I want so badly to make all of this up to him."
She nodded, and after a moment, asked hesitantly, " Um� how's Hamilton?"
Will, who was still thinking about the situation (or lack thereof) with Scout, was startled, " What?"
Jake looked down at her feet.
" Oh, God, I forgot!" Will exclaimed, suddenly accusatory, " Where the hell were you for the past week or so? Do you know Ham's been worried sick?"
Jake bit her lip.
" He was going crazy the last time I saw him." Will continued, running a hand through his hair, " Jake, I've never, ever, seen him like this. He spends like, eighty percent of the day trying to contact you, and the other twenty he spends speculating on what might have happened to you! What happened? Shouldn't you have at least�"
He stopped when she raised a hand, motioning for him to shut up, eyes pleading with him not to say anymore.
" I know, Will." She sighed, " It's just� I can't say anything about it� I�" She paused again, looking away.
" Jake, did something�" Will asked, frightened of the look in her eyes, " Did something happen in London? Tell me what's wrong." He took hold of her arm and she flinched, pulling away. " Don't, Will." She told him, suddenly growing fierce, " Don't ask me anything, okay? Not now, I don't need it right now."
Will held up his hands, surprised, " Okay, okay, I won't say anything else."
She sighed, suddenly contrite, " I'm sorry, it's just�"
" No, it's all right." He told her, and they resumed walking, " Just make sure you sort it out with Ham, okay? Guy's shot to pieces."
She nodded, absently shaking the hair out of her eyes.
* * *
Rawley Academy
Finn stepped out of his office, running his hand over his freshly-shaven chin a little self-consciously. He had taken the opportunity of winter break to go trekking in some remote places, trying to clear his head, but even more to get away from this place for a while. He had just gotten back to civilisation, and having had a decent haircut and shave, felt slightly more human than he had in a while.
He wondered if he should go see Kate Fleming, his lover, or as she was more commonly known in Rawley, the Dean's wife. They had left their relationship in a pretty weird place last semester, neither of them coming to a decision on what to do with it, and he had left without knowing what was to happen to the two of them.
As if on cue, Hamilton, Kate's son, turned the corner and the two stood on respective ends of the long hallway, eyes meeting each other.
Finn wanted to say something. They had not spoken to each other at all, after the time that Hamilton had blackmailed him into keeping Jake's real identity a secret, and he thought that it was time to maybe say something, anything, even to try to reconcile somehow.
He opened his mouth as Hamilton walked by him with a blank expression, but he found that he could not bring himself to verbalise.
Maybe there was nothing left to say.
Hamilton brushed past Finn like he wasn't there, and kept walking down the hall. Carefully avoiding any thoughts that meant he had to think about the English teacher and his mother, he kept his eyes focused on the path ahead of him.
As he reached the entrance of the dorms, he saw a couple of figures coming up the stone steps along with an influx of students. It was Will and Jake, his Jake, floppy-haired and dressed as a guy again, just there, walking into the dorms as he stood, suddenly frozen in his euphoria at seeing her again.
The next moment he had dashed up to her and enveloped her in an exuberant yet desperate hug. " My god, Jake, you're back!" He exclaimed, burying his face in her shoulder, " What happened? Why didn't you call me? Where were you? God, I was so worried�"
Jake let herself be hugged, but Will could not help but notice that her expression was placid, unaffected by Hamilton's elation.
It was frightening.
" Hey, um, I guess I'll be leaving you guys to it then." He nodded at the couple and tried to smile. Hamilton responded with a muffled voice, since his head was still in Jake's shoulder, " Yeah, Will." Jake's blank gaze shifted a little, as if to acknowledge his departure.
Will walked away slowly, wondering if he had detected a hint of tears in Jake's eyes. Or maybe he had just imagined that part, not wanting to see her like this, preferring her to have at least some sort of emotion, as opposed to none.
But he knew that there was something seriously wrong. He only hoped that his friends would be able to deal with it.
Hamilton stepped back a little and allowed his girlfriend to breathe, " My God," He whispered, " Why didn't you contact me, Jake? I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I couldn't do anything for the past week except wait for you to call me, and you never did! Where were you?"
Jake stared at him, apparently lost for words.
Hamilton's smile disappeared from his face, " What is it?"
She furrowed her brows slightly and opened her mouth as if she was going to tell him something that was going to blow his world to pieces. He looked at her, and for a fleeting moment he thought insanely that she was going to tell him that she was pregnant. She certainly looked as though she had a few bombshells to drop, and that would explain why she hadn't contacted him for the last week. He wanted to laugh at this crazy idea. They had to at least slept together for her to get pregnant, and as far as he knew, that hadn't happened.
But he wasn't prepared for what she said instead, either.
" I'm going to go ride my bike."
He raised his eyebrows as far as they could go, " What?"
She nodded and turned around once more.
He caught her by the shoulders, " Jake, you came back to Rawley, came back to me after not calling me for a whole week, and your first words are 'I want to ride my bike'?"
She turned to look at him, suddenly defensive, " Yeah, I want to ride my bike, that's not a crime, is it?"
He shrank back, shaking his head, " No� I� What? You're not making sense!"
" I am making sense. I'm back, I haven't ridden my bike in ages, I'm going to do it now." She retorted crisply, walking back down the stairs.
" Then I'm coming with you." He said, catching up with her, confused, " Jake, turn around for just a second!" He demanded, grabbing her and whirling her around, " What has gotten into you?"
She shrugged away from his grasp, " I want to go by myself." She told him, and walked away.
" No!" He ran behind her, " My god, what the hell's wrong with you? Why are you doing this? Was it� was it something I did?"
" Just leave me alone!" She exploded, breaking into a run towards the trees where her bike was hidden. Hamilton thought of going after her, but found that he could not. He stared at her retreating back, too stunned to move a muscle.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy, dorms
Faye walked down the halls, her soft-heeled boots hardly making a sound on the polished wood floor. In her arms she carried a small cardboard box that had its lid closed, and she grinned to herself.
Walking up the stairs, she encountered a few guys running in and out of dorm rooms, settling back in after the time away. Finding the room that she was looking for, she knocked softly on the door.
" Come in." A voice called from within.
She balanced the box on her hip and turned the doorknob with her free hand, the mahogany door swinging open to reveal the room that was shared by Will and Scout for the last half of the year.
Will was busy removing his sheets and putting them on the other bed. " What are you doing?" Faye asked, taking in the fact that him, and only him seemed to be living in this room at the moment. No sign of Scout remained anywhere.
Will looked up, " Hi." He smiled, " I'm moving my sheets to Scout's bed so that he can have the bed by the window when he comes back."
Faye looked around and bit her lip; it was obvious that the mentioned boy has not showed his face around here yet. She set the box down carefully on the floor. " When he comes back?" She repeated, stressing the 'when' and looking a little hopeful, a little confused.
Will sighed, straightening up, " I guess 'if' would be a better word, I just didn't want to use it."
Faye nodded, " So you don't know if he's going to come back."
" Do you?" Will asked, beginning to arrange the sheets again.
She shook her head silently and picked the box up once more, " Well, if he comes tonight, can you tell him to drop by my dorm?"
" Sure." He replied, and she walked towards the door. " Um, Faye�" He began, a little hesitantly.
She paused at the door, " Yeah?"
He glanced down for just a moment, " I wouldn't� wouldn't put too much hope on him showing up here this semester."
She looked at him for a second before breaking into a little smile, " But you still do."
The door clicked shut behind her and Will was left standing by the bed, sheets in his hand and wondering. She was right, of course, he had put as much hope in Scout's return as she had. And though he had not returned, they have not stopped hoping.
But that hope seemed to grow dimmer with every passing minute.
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
Bella looked out the window as a motorcycle roared down the street, coming her way. Squinting through the settling dusk, she realised that it was Jake. She stood up, smiling, and pushed opened the door. " Hey!" She called cheerfully as the bike swerved to a stop in front of her.
Jake took her helmet off, smoothing her hair down. " Hi Bella." She smiled at the blonde, who came forward for a welcome hug.
" How was London?" Bella asked, pulling back and tucking her hair behind her ears, " I'm dying to hear all about it. How is your mom? Oh yeah," Her brows furrowed, " What was up with you anyway? Hamilton was�"
Bella smiled sympathetically, " I guess both Will and Hamilton have already given you heaps for it, right?"
" You can say that." Jake shrugged, brushing the questions aside. "I'm so sick of people asking about my vacation, what about you?"
Bella grinned, " Nothing special, I just hung out with Will and Sean a lot."
Jake smiled, " What does this mean? Sean's okay with you two now?"
Bella nodded, " We're working towards it. Hey, why don't you come in?" She asked when she noticed that Jake was still sitting astride the bike.
Jake shook her head, " Nah, I was on my way somewhere, just wanted to drop by and say hi. I should really be going now." She started the bike again.
" Um, all right." Bella replied uncertainly, " Where are you going?" She asked, " It's getting dark."
" It's okay," Jake replied, scooting out of the gas station, " I won't get lost." She called over her shoulder, fastening the helmet back on. With a wave of the hand she was gone.
Bella shrugged and walked back into the house. Behind her, the night darkened still.
Part 3
Faye's Dorm Room
Faye was never one bothering to be neat and it certainly showed in her room. Though she was only back for half a day, clothes, CDs, shoes and other assorted goodies were already strewn all over the floor in her attempt to unpack� which technically was done, since her bags were now empty. She had un-packed. It was lucky that her roommate, who was just as messy, didn't mind much.
Faye wasn't thinking about the room, or unpacking for that matter. She was looking through a small glass tank and wondering aloud, " It's just not a possibility that I could be wrong."
From inside the tank, a tiny tortoise stared back at her.
" What are you wrong about?" A voice behind her asked, and she jumped in surprise, ' Ryder! Don't you knock anymore?"
" I did." He told her, amusement glinting in his eyes, " You didn't hear me."
She shrugged, " I guess I've been a little preoccupied."
He shook his head and rolled his eyes, " Please don't tell me you're still playing with that stupid turtle of yours�"
" Tortoise." She corrected him, more out of habit than anything else.
He was not to be interrupted, "� and please don't tell me that you're still obsessed with the fact that your 'prediction' seems to have gone wrong. You've lost the bet, admit it."
" Hey!" She was defensive, " I'm not obsessed, just� confused. And I haven't lost the bet, school hasn't even started yet!"
" Uh huh." He shrugged, " Whatever."
She pointed a warning finger at him, " You know that my predictions are always true."
" So what had gone wrong this time?" He asked, a smile playing about his lips, " I don't see pretty boy around here anywhere."
She shook her head, " Oh, he is going to come back, believe me."
" What makes you so sure?" He grinned, " I mean, guy's made a pretty big ass out of himself already, I can't see him coming back for more punishment. I think you should just concede defeat now."
" You wish." Faye told him absently, her eyes thoughtful, " I don't know. It's just a feeling� Somehow I really didn't think that he won't come back. Sure, he was hurt and everything, but�" She shook her head again, " He just didn't seem to be the kind of guy who'd bail for good. I'm telling you, he'll probably come in tomorrow, and then�" She grinned, " You'll have to hold up your end of the bargain."
" Do what you want to do with your delusional fantasies, sister dear." Ryder rummaged in his pocket and came up with a packet of cigarettes, " Sometimes I think your hunches get in the way of judgement, personally I don't see him coming back ever again. You're not planning on welshing when you lose, are you?"
She rolled her eyes, " I won't lose. He's going to come back."
He shook his head, amused, and changed the subject, " Do you want to come to the diner with me for tea?"
" Mm, calling dinner 'tea'," She grinned, " Do you know I haven't heard that in so long? Then again, I haven't been back home in quite a while."
" You still think of England as home?" He found a lighter in his other pocket.
" I guess. That's where we grew up, after all." She took the lighter out of his hand, " A couple less today won't kill you," She told him as she put her coat on, " You're really starting to worry me. You promised me that you weren't going to become a chain-smoker until you hit twenty."
He chuckled, " What can I say? I was young and stupid then. It's like a drug�"
" It is a drug." She corrected him as they walked out into the hall, " You've got to cut down or you're gonna die before you're twenty-five."
" My sister, the eternal optimist." He mock-sighed, " Honestly, don't you have anything better to do than hassling the hell out of me?"
" That's what I do best." She answered lightly.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy
Will walked down the halls, heading for the dining hall. Hamilton intercepted him and practically yelled in his face, " Where's Jake?"
Will sprung back in surprise, " Whoa! What? How should I know? I thought she was with you!"
" She took off right after you left." Hamilton stuck his hands in his pockets, " I� I don't know what�" He shook his head and tried again, " She just� left! I�" He stopped again, and banged the wall with his fist in frustration, " I don't know. I just don't know!"
" Hey man, calm down." Will tried to put a hand on the shorter boy's shoulder and Hamilton leaned back on the wall, sighing heavily.
" So, what happened?" Will asked carefully.
Hamilton swallowed and tried to compose himself. " After you left, she said to me that she wanted to ride her bike. Then she just� Argh!" He hit the wall again.
" Went off to ride her bike?" Will finished for him, looking a little confused.
" YES!" Hamilton exclaimed, " You see how screwed up this is?"
" Um," Will shook his head slowly, " I'm gonna need more details than that, Ham."
Hamilton sighed and ran his hands through his hair, " She practically ignored me, Will. I've never seen her like this. I don't know, is she mad at me? I can't figure out if I did something to piss her off, you know? She went all psycho on me and told me to leave her alone�God, I'm so confused."
Will paused, not sure what to say. Finally he settled on, " I'm sure everything will turn out all right."
Hamilton looked up at him with weary eyes. " I hope you're right."
Will grinned at him, " Come on, let's go grab some dinner. I'm starving."
Hamilton shook his head, " No, you go ahead, I don't feel much like eating right now."
" Want me to stay with you?" Will offered, " You look like you could use a friend."
Hamilton looked up, grateful, but shook his head again, " No, it's all right. I'm just going to� um, go back to my room and wait for her there, I guess."
" Are you sure?" Will asked again, gazing at his friend's tired face.
Hamilton smiled feebly at him, " Don't worry about me. Go get some dinner."
Will shrugged, " All right. Take care, okay? I'll see you later." Seeing Hamilton nod, he kept on walking, checking over his shoulder to see if he was all right.
Hamilton had not moved from his spot in the hallway. The light on either side of him had thrown multiple shadows, alternating light and dark, long and short, all around his feet.
* * *
Rawley Lake, docks
Jake had returned from her brief bike run hours ago. There weren't many places to go, especially here in New Rawley, not to mention in the dark.
So she just sat astride the motorbike and watched the stars.
There were so many in the deep velvety sky. Sparkling silver shreds of something other than the neverending darkness. It was as though someone had pierced the night and let whatever light behind it spill through.
It was cold, and though she had her warmest coat on, she still shivered.
The moon was pretty too. She bathed her face in its pale light and squinted up at it. It wasn't full, but was getting there. What was that stage called again? Waxing? Waning? She couldn't remember. Who cared anyway.
She supposed she should go back to the dorms. She needed warmth badly, and besides, Hamilton would be worried.
But she stayed where she was. She'll go back in a minute.
Just� Not now.
* * *
Friendly's
Faye slammed the door of Ryder's car shut and he winced at the sound. " Do you really have to do that all the time?"
She smiled lopsidedly, " Does that bother you?"
Ryder looked suspiciously at her, " If I say yes, will you do it every time just to annoy me?"
" Yup." Her response came fast.
He rolled his eyes and decided that it'd be best not to answer. Catching a semi-familiar figure out of the corner of his eye, he turned to see Sean walk past. " Hey, Sean!" He called.
Sean turned and grinned when he saw the Forrest siblings. " Hey guys!" He called, walking closer, " How's was New York?" The three of them had hung out at a pre-Christmas Break party, and surprisingly, they got on quite well together. Maybe it was the beer talking.
" Not bad." Ryder replied, and Faye smiled, " Lots of shopping."
" So did you guys have a nice Christmas?" Sean wanted to know. To him it still seemed a little strange for them to wander around a strange city rather than going home to their parents, or at least 'parent' singular.
Faye glanced at Ryder and they both laughed. " Yeah, it was pretty mellow, really." Faye told him, " A nice change. Hey, are you doing anything? We're just about to head into the diner, want to join us?"
" I'd love to, but I can't." Sean smiled apologetically, " Mom expects me to be home for dinner, and she's gonna blow her head off if I don't show. I've been out quite a lot lately, you see, and she's getting really pissed off."
Ryder laughed, " Maybe some other time."
Sean grinned, " Yeah, that'd be great. See you guys around."
The siblings waved at him and walked into Friendly's. Sean turned, smiling, and began to walk home.
Behind him a door opened, and he turned to see Bella come out of the gas station. " Sean!" She called, running a few steps to catch up with him.
" What's up?" He asked her, frowning at the worried expression on her face.
" Why were you talking to Ryder?" She asked, biting her lip.
He sighed, " Look, I know you and Will like, hate this guy, but I honestly think he's not that bad, so we'll agree to disagree, all right? Anyway, Faye was there, you know she's decent."
Bella smiled lightly, " Yeah, I know. Look, I was just asking, okay? It's not really my business. Um� I was actually going to talk to you about something else."
He raised his eyebrows when she paused, and he noted her flustered expression, " What about, Bella?"
She smiled with a hint of embarrassment, but looked up into his eyes, " I never got a chance to thank you."
He chuckled, " What?"
" You know, for forgiving me and Will." She was serious, " I know it must've been hard to accept at first, but it's just�" She smiled again, " You're a real friend, Sean. I'm so glad we could still stay friends, after all that I've put you through. I know I don't deserve it."
Now it was Sean's turn to get embarrassed. His head down, watching his toe trace patterns on the ground, Bella could see him blush, " It's noth�" He started to say, then changed his mind, " Look, it's no big deal, all right? I don't mean to make this whole thing out to be, um," He shrugged, " Like, unimportant. But it's cool. I mean, you don't have to feel as if you're indebted to me or whatever. I needed to get over it as much as you guys needed me to. I know we gotta move on, and that's just what I did, you know? It was not really for your benefit, I did it for me."
Bella stared at him, the grin spreading over her face, " Sean, you're the greatest friend." She told him, hugging him impulsively.
Sean allowed a light hug before stepping back, grinning, " All right, I'll see you later."
Bella smiled and walked back towards the house, " Night, Sean."
He turned away, still grinning. The grin he wore like a mask, and as he turned his back it slipped away. But she did not see.
Sean blinked and shook his head a little, and as he ambled down the street, he wondered when he was going to be able to feel the same way that he looked. It would be nice.
But it was going to take a while.
* * *
Jake and Hamilton's room
Hamilton looked up as Jake let herself into the room. With a brief nod in his direction, she tossed her bag on her bed and walked towards the closet, rummaging through it.
" What are you playing at, Jake?" He asked softly, feeling all the anger and confusion of the past week meld into a strange sort of lethargy and dread, " Why are you doing this to me?"
She turned and trained her eyes on him. It scared and angered him that they were so lifeless, so apathetic. " What is going on?" He asked, raising his voice slightly, " You ignore my attempts to contact you for a whole week, and when you come back, you're like�" He gestured towards her in general, " Like this."
" Like what, Hamilton?" Her tone was listless as she undressed quickly and climbed into her pyjamas behind the closet door.
He sighed in frustration, " Don't do this to me, Jake, you know what I'm talking about."
She paused as she shut the closet, " No, I don't, Hamilton."
" All right," He told her, getting off his bed, " I'm talking about you ignoring me all of a sudden while you were still in London. I'm talking about you freezing me out when you come back. I'm talking about you, right now, just standing here, looking like you and talking like you, but�" He shook his head as he walked closer to her, " Jake, this is not you."
Her expression was vacant, " Of course this is me, Hamilton."
" It's not!" He exclaimed, " It's like you've disappeared and whatever's left is someone totally different! God, why do I feel as though I don't even know you anymore?"
" Of course you know me, Hamilton." She started walking towards her bed, " I'm still me, I haven't changed. Maybe it's you."
His eyes narrowed as he followed her, " Why do you keep on repeating my name? You only do that when you're nervous."
She glanced at him quickly and in that instant he thought that he saw something glimmer in her eyes. Uneasiness perhaps. She shrugged, " I'm not nervous. I'm just tired after the flight and the bus ride, okay?"
" No, it's not okay!" He cried, exasperated, " What is happening to you? To us? I've never seen you like this, whatever it is that you're hiding from me, you can't� you can't�" He stopped, lost for words.
Jake didn't look at him as she slid under the covers, stifling a yawn.
Hamilton tried a different approach, " I love you." He whispered, leaning down so that his lips hovered above hers. " You know that."
She shifted uncomfortably, " I know."
He nodded, wondering if he could say something else. Deciding that there wasn't, he tried to plant a kiss on her lips as way of saying goodnight, and leave the rest until tomorrow, when she might return to normal, just a little.
But she turned her face as he came closer, and his lips brushed her cheek instead.
He sighed, defeated. Straightening up, he noted that she had already closed her eyes, feigning sleep.
Walking back to his own bed, he hauled himself onto it, knowing that it was going to take him a long time to get to sleep that night.
Part 4
Finn's classroom
The morning sunshine lit up the classroom, the light's rays catching floating dust particles in the air.
Finn surveyed the students assembled in front of him with great care.
There was Will, with his notebook already open, looking at him expectantly. There was Lena Fletcher and Ryan Parker, sitting close together and whispering in each other's ear. There was Hamilton, sitting there and trying to sneak inconspicuous glances at Jake.
Finn paused for a moment when his gaze came to rest on Jake. True to his side of the bargain, no one at Rawley, save for Hamilton, knew that he had uncovered her secret. She was still residing in the boys' dorms, rooming with Hamilton for that matter, and he wasn't doing a single thing about it.
He sighed inwardly. Then again, what could he do? In his desperation Hamilton had threatened to tell the Dean about Kate and Finn's affair, and he couldn't have that. He couldn't deal with facing the light himself, and he couldn't have Kate put in such a position.
So there she was, Jacqueline 'Jake' Pratt, sitting almost demurely, head down and toying with a pencil, twirling it like a baton between her fingers.
Then there was Ryder Forrest sitting in the back, taking this English class for the third time. Finn briefly digressed and thought about what the English teacher at the Girls' Academy had told him about Ryder's younger sister, who was taking advanced English. The girl's got really warped philosophies, she had said, laughing, but you've got to admire the way she dissects and analyses texts like no one's done before. She always seems to draw out the most insignificant pieces of information and string them together to make a logical, usually scathing argument that you could not help but give credit for.
He smiled slightly, he would've liked having Faye in his class.
Moving on, to one side of the room, a group of girls seemed congregate even though the desks were in straight rows. All of them were portraits of upper-class chic, and Caroline Busse, with the slight air that came undoubtedly from her upbringing rather than her nature, looked the part of leader of this elite society. Behind them a cluster of Rawley guys had spread out at the back of the classroom, all of them on the crew team� or will be, once the season starts again in a couple of months.
That was everyone, then. He thought. Looking to the empty seat next to Will, he sighed to himself. Raising his voice, he said to the class, " Welcome back, everyone, I hope you've all had a pleasant winter break."
Hamilton glanced at Jake again, but she kept her eyes straight ahead.
* * *
After class Will dodged the torrent of students pouring out of the door and walked to the teacher's desk instead. " Excuse me, Finn."
The English teacher looked up, " Mr Krudski." He acknowledged him, " I assume that you want to ask me about Mr Calhoun."
Will nodded, " I do, actually. Do you know anything? If he's coming back, I mean."
" Sit down, Will." Finn told him, and the boy obliged, trying to grin weakly, " This doesn't sound good."
" I'm afraid it's not." Finn told him, taking off his glasses, " John Calhoun had contacted the school and asked for Scout's name to be removed from the register."
Will swallowed. Though this possibility was always there in his mind, he never knew that it was to become a reality, here, now.
" The Dean had tried his best to talk him out of it, " Finn continued, " But it seems as though Scout was trying to get away from this place in general, instead of something that we could possibly arrange for him to avoid. I was actually hoping that you can shed some light on the situation, Will."
Will looked down, " I can." He said simply.
Finn laced his fingers together and placed his hands gently on the desk. " I'm not pressuring you to give me reasons or a blow-by-blow account of what happened with Scout. I just think it might be worthwhile for you to recount it yourself, and maybe get some perspective into this."
" Perspective." Will sighed, " Yeah, it'd help." Taking a deep breath, he began, " Okay, where do I start? Remember Bella?"
Finn nodded, " Scout took her to the Halloween Ball and you hated the situation it landed you in. On top of that, you felt guilty about falling in love with her in the first place. As I recall, Scout and another friend of yours were both trying to get into her good graces. Is that right?"
Will allowed a slight smile, " It's gone a bit beyond that, Finn."
Finn nodded, " Go on."
" Well, a lot of things changed at the Ball." Will continued, thinking back to a few months ago. " Bella and I, we�" He blushed suddenly, somewhat uncomfortable with discussing his love life with a teacher, even if the teacher was Finn. " We discovered that our feelings towards each other were�" He shrugged, " Mutual."
Finn smiled gently, " But I can see how that could become a problem for you."
Will agreed, " The hiding, for one thing. It drove us crazy, not to be able to have this relationship out in the open. I mean," He shrugged again, " We tried, we really did, but it was horrible. It was as if, instead of a life, I had this secret instead, and it was all I had. Now I know where the term 'living a lie' came from, because that was what I did, I just lived each day as if I was in this perpetual bubble, knowing that I had to burst it sooner or later, but I didn't know what existed beyond it. Nothing else in my life seemed to matter anymore, the secrecy just�" He shook his head, " � completely took over. It was strange."
Finn was silent, and Will took a moment to register. When he did, he was instantly alarmed, " Oh god, Finn, please don't think that I was referring to you� I didn't mean to say that what you did was bound to come out sooner or later� I mean, it was just me, I wasn't talking about the thing with you and�" He smiled with embarrassment, " Or maybe I should just hope that my foot is jammed in my mouth far enough for me to shut up already."
Finn laughed at that, " Don't apologise, Will, I'm old enough to appreciate the irony."
Will smiled and looked down.
" So." Finn said, " I'm guessing that Scout found out eventually."
" He did. And that is probably the biggest reason why he isn't coming back to Rawley." Will looked up again, somewhat guiltily, " On top of that, we had this�" He sighed, "� sort of showdown right before he left for Christmas break, it was probably the final straw for him."
" So you're saying that he left Rawley because of what happened between you and Bella?" Finn asked.
" Mostly, yeah." Will agreed.
Finn paused before he asked carefully, " Do you feel guilty?"
" Like hell." Will admitted, " He is� was my best friend, Finn, and I felt like I drove him out of here. I mean, his family practically built Rawley and I'm just some kid from the sticks, he deserves to be here much more than me, and it doesn't seem right that he should be gone, knowing that I'm the cause of his departure, it's just�"
" No one deserves to be anywhere." Finn reminded him gently, " You have just as much right to be here as Scout does. Maybe even more, seeing that you have earned your way into here."
" Yeah," Will laughed sarcastically, " With a bought scholarship. Third highest in Rawley history, I'm one of those really deserving people, definitely."
" I won't have you talk like that, Will." Finn was suddenly stern, " You know that you have earned your scholarship� and my respect, fair and square."
Will looked up into his mentor's eyes, " Am I someone to be respected, Finn?" He asked, " I feel like such a bastard for making him leave. I can't believe that he's gone."
" But he is, I'm afraid." Finn told him, his expression grave, " And Will? Don't ever think that you made him leave. No one can make anyone else do something unless that person is swayed by himself first."
Will was silent as he pondered this.
Finn stood up, " I believe it's lunchtime now. Go and think about what I've said. You'll probably find that I'm right."
" Thanks, Finn." Will followed him out of the classroom, " I needed that talk� and I guess I needed a concrete answer to Scout's whereabouts."
" I'm glad I could help." Finn told him as he walked towards his office, pausing slightly as he turned back to face the boy, " Oh, I forgot to tell you, the Dean said that you can keep the dorm room as a single until further notice."
A flicker of sadness crossed Will's face, and he simply nodded.
* * *
Rawley Boys' Academy, Dining Hall
" You're not eating much." Hamilton remarked after ten minutes of silence and watching Jake prod at her food with a fork.
" Not hungry." She told him curtly.
" And I guess you're still 'tired'." He muttered, turning back to his equally untouched food.
The sarcastic tone was hardly audible in his voice, but she seemed to catch it. " What is that supposed to mean?" She asked sharply.
" Whatever you want it to mean." He replied sourly, contemplating his forkful of spaghetti but finding that he had absolutely no appetite.
" And what exactly is that?" She asked, looking at him.
" Look, let's just drop it, okay?" He sighed, regretting the fact that he had said anything at all.
She didn't pursue the subject, and they spent a couple of minutes sitting there in silence, toying with their food.
Unable to bear the silence that pressed down on them from all sides, Hamilton pushed his plate away abruptly, " Jake�" He started, touching her arm.
" Don't!" She exclaimed vehemently, jumping back as if stung, and in the process upsetting the fork that she held loosely, sending it down on her plate with a loud clatter.
Hamilton recoiled, staring at her with shock. Jake looked back with wide, frightened eyes, and opened her mouth as though she wanted to say something, but seemed to change her mind.
Without another word she got up and fled, hastily tossing her napkin on the table.
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
" God, it's like we never left." Sean moaned, picking up his book bag, " Why is it that teachers never give you a day or two to settle back in before putting all this workload on you?"
Bella sighed, eyeing her own pile of schoolbooks wearily, " I don't think they believe in the term 'settle back in'."
Sean nodded, " Well, I better get home." He told her, " Thanks for explaining that bit in the textbook to me." He smiled ruefully, " I can't believe it. First day back and I already need help."
" You know where you can get it." She told him cheerfully as they walked to the door.
" Thanks again." He told her, pausing on the doorstep, " Hey, how did your scholarship exam go, anyway? I never asked."
She looked away, slightly uncomfortable, " I never took it."
" What do you mean?" He asked, confused, " But you were studying so much for it, I mean, you spent like every single spare moment with Will�" He stopped suddenly with comprehension, " Oh."
Bella chewed on her lower lip, wondering if she should glance at him.
" It was just an excuse, wasn't it?" He asked softly, " It was just an alibi for you to have some time together."
Bella looked up at him, " Well, not really. I did mean to take the exam, but� " She said slowly, " I decided against it a long time ago. I mean, I thought I wanted to get into Rawley, but�" She shrugged, looking a little amused, a little embarrassed, " I think I was just a bit awed by it all, you know? There's this amazing school on my doorstep and I'd be mad not to even try for it."
He regarded her evenly.
" And, I don't know," She shrugged, uneasy, " It just suddenly seemed right to apply. Especially since�" She paused again, wondering if she had said too much.
Sean caught on, though. " My god." He whispered, " You� you wanted to go there because of him! He was there, so you�"
" I didn't mean to!" Bella defended herself, " I didn't even think about that until we got together! I mean, in the back of my mind I must've known somewhere that I wanted to get into Rawley because that was where Will was, but honestly, at the time I never thought about it like that�"
" You're saying that you wanted to be with him a long time ago, even though you didn't realise it yourself." He summarised for her, shaking his head slightly.
She shrugged, " I guess. I mean, yeah. But as soon as we got together, I realised that I didn't really want to go to Rawley at all."
" Of course." He laughed, a tad more bitterly than he had intended.
" Are you mad?" She asked tentatively.
He tried to smile, " Just� overwhelmed. You're basically saying me and Scout never actually had a chance. You applied for that scholarship right at the start of last semester, and that must've meant that somewhere, you knew all along that you wanted Will more than you wanted either of us."
" Trust me, Sean." She told him, " I didn't know. Not consciously, anyway."
" I better go." He told her, walking out of the door.
" Sean," She called after him, " Are you� okay?"
He turned back to her with a weak smile, " Hey, no hurt feelings, all right? I'm just a bit thrown by this piece of new information. Still trying to process."
She grinned, " All right, I'll see you tomorrow."
Sean nodded, and turned to go. However, he stopped when he saw Will riding over towards them on his bike. " Hey!" He called.
Will didn't answer until he stopped in the gas station and got off the bike. " He's not coming back." He told them, not bothering to say hi.
" Scout?" Bella asked immediately. This had been, after all, the biggest worry that they shared over winter break.
Will nodded, " His name got taken off the register at Rawley."
" This sucks, man." Sean told them, frowning. After their initial hostility, he and Scout had actually formed a pretty good camaraderie, always hanging out at the diner, pining for Bella together.
" I can't believe it." Bella whispered, stunned.
Will sighed, " It's true. Finn even told me that I've got a single room this semester."
Bella rubbed her temples, her face crumpling, " This is all my fault."
" God, Bella, don't do this." Will walked over and held her in his arms, " It's as much my fault as it is yours, don't lay all the blame on yourself."
" But it is my fault." She told him, trying not to break down, " I was the one who told him to back off until I made a decision! I was the one who dragged this whole thing out! God, I feel like�" She took a deep breath, trying to calm down, " I can't believe that he won't be here anymore! What do you mean he got taken off the register? He's just never going to come back? Ever again?"
Will shook his head, " I don't know. His father just rang the school and told them that he won't be coming back."
" Of course Scout would do something like this." Sean remarked, angry all of a sudden, " He can't deal with it, so he runs away and gets daddy to do it for him!"
" Sean, don't." Bella pleaded, and Will's arms tightened protectively around her.
" Why not?" Sean was indignant, " I've been through the same thing, haven't I? Why is he the one who gets special treatment? I've come out of this, and our friendships aren't even affected! Why should he be any different?"
" You forget about the whole sibling thing." Will reminded him, " This was the second time that Scout went through something like this. As soon as he thinks that he and Bella have gotten somewhere, he gets jolted out of the dream. It gets too much for him to deal with."
" Big deal!" Sean exclaimed, " The whole brother-sister thing was over so long ago! I mean, if he can't take the truth, maybe he shouldn't be here! I mean, after you guys told me, I was mad as hell, but I got over it! Why shouldn't he?"
Will was silent for a second, looking down at Bella. She looked back, sighing softly.
" It wasn't that simple, Sean." She told him, running a hand through her hair, " We didn't exactly tell him� he sort of found out on his own."
" What?" Sean was surprised. " What do you mean? How did he find out on his own?"
" You know how we were going to meet at the diner so that we could tell you something important?" Will asked.
" Yeah, you were going to tell us that you guys were together." Sean nodded, remembering.
" Well, Scout arrived early, and he saw us kissing in there." Will replied, nodding his head in the direction of the house.
" Wait." Sean ejected, " So you didn't tell him. He saw you."
" Yeah." Bella sighed.
" Oh." Sean murmured.
* * *
Rawley Lake
*Duncan Sheik's 'Wishful Thinking' plays in the background*
Faye walked down the winding path to the lake's shore, where the one big tree stood solitary against the fading light. No one else was around, it was really too cold to be outside. But she liked the quiet.
Looking up at the stars, she sighed, watching her breath condense into a white cloud in front of her face.
--'Listen to the waves / Everything communicates / Will it ever be / Anything more than wishful thinking?'
She didn't like it. Day One of spring semester had already passed and Scout was nowhere in sight. She had a bet with Ryder that he was going to come back, a bet that she'd rather not lose. On top of that�
*Flashback*
" Are you coming back for spring semester?" She asked him.
" I don't know." He answered, " I guess that's another thing that I have to work out when I get home. Will you be coming back?"
She nodded, " Very likely. Hey, I'll miss you if you don't come back."
" It's nice to know that somebody still cares about me." He said forlornly.
" I do that." She told him, " I'll give you a cookie if I see you back here."
" Thanks," He smiled, " I'll keep that in mind."
*
--'Oh no there you go / Looked away and missed the show / How much wasted time / Will you survive? / Feel the blades of grass / How it brings you back / It will always be / Only as green as you can see�'
" Thanks, Faye. For everything." He said.
" Hey, no problem." She told him, kissing him on the forehead. " God bless you."
He grinned, " You believe in God?"
She laughed, " Hell, no! I just always wanted to do that."
There was a moment of silence, and she shrugged, " I guess this is goodbye."
" I guess it is." He replied.
" Okay, this is getting sappy." She told him, pulling out of her parking space, " See you later."
*End flashback*
Or maybe she won't. She finally admitted to herself. She was seldom wrong in her predictions, reading people easily, but he must've been hurt more than he cared to admit, because it really looked as though he wasn't ever going to return.
She was annoyed to find that she would miss him a lot more that she cared to admit.
--'Oh no there you go / Looked away and missed the show / How much wasted time / Will you survive? / Oh yeah fooled again / I don't know how and I don't know when / Not much else to blame / But wishful thinking�'
The wind tousled her hair and she breathed in, closing her eyes and relishing the feeling of the quiet around her, letting herself enjoy a rare moment of melancholy.
A soft voice broke through the darkness. Walking around the tree so that he stood next to her, and looking out to the lake, he quoted, " 'People suffer. As for suffering, suffering / Does not consider it / She demands everything, except herself on the gallows / Absent from the star where you named her'."
Faye's eyes flew open and she smiled.
" Jacques Audiberti." Scout said, turning to look at her.
She nodded, " 'La Souffrance', I know. Why did you quote it?"
He shrugged lightly, " It seemed appropriate, somehow, seeing you here."
She raised an eyebrow, still facing out to the lake, " The part about the gallows?"
He smiled, " No, the part about the star."
The corners of her lips curved up gently at that answer.
" Do we hug?" He asked her, his eyes shining, even in the darkness.
She finally turned to look at him, grinning broadly and holding out her arms. He laughed a little and hugged her.
--'Little breakdowns / In coastal towns / They come suddenly / Crashing over you / They come easily / I'm falling through the skies / And frozen places�'
" It's good to have you back." She told him.
He grinned against her shoulder, " I want my cookie now, please."
" You'll get it." She laughed as she pulled back. Something by his ear caught the light and she chuckled as she took a closer look, " What's this?"
His fingers flew up, touching his earlobe gingerly, " An earring. I got hurt pretty badly by the Will and Bella saga, so I thought I should have something to remember it by. I know, I'm supposed to get a tattoo, but I kinda have this� thing with permanence nowadays. So�" He gestured at his ear, " Got a hole punched instead. How does it look?"
She didn't say anything, and instead covered her mouth with her hand. " What?" He demanded, telling from the way the corners of her eyes crinkled that she was laughing. " Does it look bad?"
She shook her head but began to laugh out loud. " What?" He asked again. Still, Faye did not answer, looking down at the ground with her shoulders trembling.
Scout was getting irritated, " Really, does it look that awful?"
" No, no." She gasped out amidst bouts of laughter, " But� you got hurt so badly by them that you decided to turn gay?"
" Huh?" He was confused, " Gay? No, what?"
She tried to stop laughing, " Scout, you got your right ear pierced. That's the gay guy's ear."
His face fell, " You're kidding."
She cracked up again when she saw the his expression, " I'm serious. You're supposed to get your left ear pierced if you're straight."
" Oh, man!" He started laughing himself, " I guess that was why all those strange guys were giving me once-overs on the way here." He fumbled with the earring, " I gotta take this off! Ow!" Struggling, he winced when his fingers did something weird to his earlobe.
" Hold on, let me do it." She told him, reaching up to remove the earring, but it proved very difficult since she was laughing so much. " Ow!" Scout yelled again, " Okay, maybe you shouldn't do this�"
" It's okay, I got it." She told him, her fingertips brushing past the back of his ear and he shrank back a little, tickled. They took another look at each other and started laughing again. She pressed the earring into his palm, " If you still want a piercing, maybe you should let this one grow over first and get one on the other ear."
He sighed, " It's all right, the mystery's pretty much ruined by now. I can't believe that the guy who punched the hole didn't even mention this! What, he just assumed I was gay? Do I look gay?"
She contemplated him, " Maybe a little."
He rolled his eyes, " Thanks."
" You're welcome." She told him, " Come on, I have something for you waiting at my dorm."
" That reminds me, I have something for you too." He replied, the two of them setting off to the girls' dorms, " It's a late Christmas present."
" I guess mine is too." She pondered as they walked away from the lake, " But I don't know, you might find it a little strange�"
--'And I try to realise / That I needn't look any further / The whole of the universe is plain to see / And I try not to rely / On another world or the future / The whole of the universe is a mystery / And it gets me over / Yeah it gets me over / And it gets me over / Yeah it gets me over�'
Part 5
Faye's room
Scout stared into the cardboard box.
Faye glanced at him, amused.
Scout blinked, raised his eyebrows, blinked some more, and finally said, " A� turtle?"
" Tortoise. Merry Christmas and uh, happy New Year." She grinned, handing the box to him.
He took it and grinned, " You are giving me a tortoise."
" I figured you could use a companion." She told him, " His name is George. Hang on, I'll unplug the terrarium, don't worry about the UV lighting, heat emitter, water dish, vitamin supplements or anything else, I've got it covered."
He turned, eyes widening, " My god, how much did you spend?"
She shrugged, " I didn't have to. I had a tortoise before so most of the stuff was just lying around at home, I just got my mom to send it over."
" What happened to your old tortoise?" He asked as she walked around unplugging her glass tank and various pieces of tortoise-care.
Faye grimaced, " Ryder stood on him and uh, he broke."
" Ryder stood on him? Intentionally?" Scout wondered.
She shrugged, " I hope not. But I wouldn't put it past him."
He stared at all the stuff that she tossed in the small terrarium, " Are you sure I could have all this?"
She picked the glass tank up, " Sure! I wasn't going to use it anyway. I picked George up in this tiny little town that we passed and thought you might like him. Do you?"
He stared down into the cardboard box, where the tiny tortoise had withdrawn into its shell. " He's definitely going to grow on me."
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
Bella sat on the couch, her head on Will's shoulder, " I don't know why it feels so bad. I mean, we knew it was coming, right?" She wondered aloud.
Will shrugged, " I guess it's just sinking in."
" I thought there'd be more closure, or something." She sighed, " It just feels so wrong for him to� just leave. I mean, we'll never see him again? Like, ever?"
He was silent.
She sighed again.
" All right, I better go." He told her, getting up, " My mom rang and said that my dad isn't home tonight, so I'm going to have dinner at home for a change. I'll drop by tomorrow, okay?"
She walked him out the door, nodding, " All right."
Picking up his bike, he kissed her gently, " 'Night."
She was just about to say something when footsteps interrupted the moment. Turning, they saw Jake trudging up to the gas station, looking somewhat dishevelled. " Hey." They chorused, and Will added, " Why aren't you at school? It's nearly time for dinner."
" I'm not really in a mood where I care." Jake replied quietly, walking up to them.
Will glanced at her with worry, then at Bella. " Well, I think I better go." He told them, getting on the bike, " I'll see you back at school, Jake."
Jake nodded and Will smiled at the two girls, before setting off in the direction of his house.
Bella watched him set off, then turned back to Jake, " Why didn't you come on your bike?"
The brunette shrugged, " I felt like walking for a change."
" Well, come in." Bella held the door open and the two of them walked into the house, " You can stay for dinner if you don't want to go back."
" Thanks." Jake sighed gratefully, sitting down on the couch.
Bella sat down too, watching her friend's face with concern, " Is something wrong?"
Jake didn't answer, fiddling with the zipper on her Rawley sweatshirt.
" I heard from Will that Hamilton's really freaking because you've been ignoring him." Bella told her, " Now I don't have any idea about what's happening, and I won't pretend that I know everything, but if you want to talk, you can always come to me."
Jake nodded, " Thank you."
They sat there for a few moments in silence, then Jake spoke, " Bella, have you ever felt� really, um," She shrugged, looking for words, " Overloaded?" She pressed a hand to her throat, " Like everything in this world is just crashing down on you and you're powerless to stop it?"
Bella frowned, " When the thing with Will and I came out, you know. It was a constant struggle just to get through the day, knowing that somewhere out there, Scout and Sean are hating me and my life is sucking beyond belief�"
" Yeah." Jake agreed softly, " But was I was really asking was� Did you ever feel as if you couldn't cope? As if any extra little thing might send you�" She shrugged again, halting the sentence there.
Bella shook her head, " I guess I'm lucky in that respect. Will kept me grounded at all times." She laughed softly, " I know this sounds so corny, but he really was my pillar of strength."
The other girl did not answer.
" What is this about, Jake?" Bella asked gently, " Why are you asking me this?"
" So you never felt like you were going to�" Jake continued, skipping the question. Searching for a word to describe what she was trying to communicate, she finally decided, " � snap?"
Bella gazed at her worriedly, " Do you feel like that right now?"
Jake forced out a small smile, " Sometimes I feel like I have to try really hard just to keep myself sane."
" Why?" Bella looked at her, eyes full of compassion, " Jake, if you feel that you can trust me, maybe it'd be good for you to�"
" I can't turn to Hamilton." Jake murmured, lost in thought, " He's just another feeling to�"
" Jake?" Bella touched her on the arm.
Jake didn't answer, and instead ran a hand through her hair, biting her lip, " I can't� I�." She whispered, and Bella did not know if she was even talking to her. " Jake, are you okay?" She asked again.
" I can't breathe." Jake whispered, slumping forward and resting her face in her hands.
" What?" Bella demanded, alarmed, " Jake? What's happening? Should I�" Get a doctor? Get a psychiatrist? She had no idea what was settling over her friend, except that she hated it.
" No, no�" The other girl hurried to stop her, shaking her head vigorously. " No, thank you." She said after a while, taking a deep breath, " I was just� I, I don't know� don't�" She shuddered involuntarily, and Bella jumped up, scared, " Jake, I'm going to get you home, like, right now."
" NO!" Jake exclaimed forcefully, startling the blonde into sitting down again. Lowering her voice a little, she shook her head, " No, please, don't�"
" Jake!" Bella exclaimed, reaching out for the girl's shivering shoulders, " What is going on?"
Jake shifted from her reach, looking down at her hands and folding them neatly on her lap, her long fingers interlinking.
* * *
Scout and Will's room
" All done." Faye exclaimed happily, switching the full-spectrum light on and bending down to look at George, who was comfortably settled in his terrarium on Scout's desk.
Scout peered at the tortoise over her shoulder, " What's the difference between a turtle and a tortoise anyway?"
" Tortoises can't swim and turtles can, as a general rule." She told him, " So don't go dunking him in water thinking that he'd like a paddle, he'll sink straight to the bottom and drown."
" I'll remember that." Scout grinned, " He's a great present. Thank you."
" Are you sure you're not just saying that because you don't know what else to say about me getting you a tortoise?" She asked him, straightening up.
He laughed, " Okay, I admit it, this is one hell of a strange present. But I like it, I really do."
She nodded, sitting down on his bed and looking at the clock, " It's nearly time for dinner, want to go now?"
" Wait, I've got to give you your present first." He told her, rummaging through his boxes, " Where is it?" He muttered, " I could've sworn I remembered to stick it in here somewhere."
She smiled, " Isn't it a waste of time, packing everything up only to bring all of it back again?
He shrugged, " I didn't think I'd come back, for starters."
She watched him rifle through his bags, " No?"
" Um, actually�" He turned to look at her briefly, " I was enrolled in this other school in Connecticut already. I had my files transferred over from Rawley and everything, got my name taken off the register."
" What made you change your mind?" She asked.
He smiled, " I was sitting in my house, just looking out the window, and I suddenly realised that the plane to Boston- the one that I should've been sitting on- would've left by then. And it landed me in this huge panic." Shaking his head, he grinned, " I didn't want to go somewhere else, I wanted to come here."
" Even with everything you've been through?" Her purple eyes scanned him thoughtfully.
" It's not the beginning and end of my life." He told her, " Even though it hurt like hell� and still does, I'd be crazy to let that one thing rule the way of how I want to live." Finally finding what he was looking for in a bottom of a bag, he held it up, triumphant, " Here it is."
Faye was gleeful as he handed her the wrapped package, " I was counting on your realising that and coming back here, just didn't think it was going to take that long."
" Are you saying that I'm thicker than you thought?" Scout asked, sitting down next to her.
She shrugged, " No. I'm saying that you must've been more hurt than I've thought. But no matter, you came back anyway, and that means�" She laughed, " I get something off Ryder, something that I've coveted for a long time."
" What?" He was confused, " How does me coming back equate to that?"
She grinned as she undid the ribbon on the package slowly, " We had a bet."
He shook his head, amused, " You betted on whether I would come back for spring semester?"
" And I won." She told him, drawing off the ribbon and undoing the wrapping paper to reveal a white dress box with 'Dior' embossed in the centre. " I like this present already." She laughed.
" Open it." He told her with a smile.
She obliged and lifted the lid to reveal a violet cashmere sweater inside.
" I was shopping with my mom," He told her, " And when I saw it, it reminded me of your eyes. Then I realised that I haven't gotten you a present, so�" He gestured at the sweater, " I've never seen you wear any colour other than black, so you probably hate it, but I just had to get it for you."
" I love it." She told him, touching the soft material.
He smiled, " I guess this is more of a 'thank you' present. You helped me a lot last semester, Faye, I really appreciate it."
" What are friends for?" She put the lid back on the box carefully, " Thank you, it's beautiful."
He touched her on the arm, " If it wasn't for you, I'd be a lot more screwed up right now."
" Hmm?" She murmured, looking at the box sitting in her lap.
He smiled lightly, " You were there when I needed someone to talk to, and you didn't hesitate to knock some sense into me�"
She grinned, looking up, and he stared into her eyes, " I owe you so much."
Faye burst out laughing, " Cut the crap, Calhoun, you're making me nauseous."
He chuckled, " Sorry, I just really wanted to say that." Shaking his head, he continued, " I'm serious about thanking you though. It's been really hard for me, seeing Bella together with Will, and you made it easier for me to bear."
She stood up, pulling him up with her, " I know you still love her," She told him, smoothing the hair away from her face, " And I know how hard it must've been for you to come back. I'm glad you did."
" Will you help me get over it?" he asked, following her out of the room, " It's going to take a while. I loved her� and still love her too much to let it go."
She nodded and punched him on the arm, " You can count on it, Pretty Boy." He gave her a warning sideways look and she laughed, pointing to his ear, " Okay, Gay Boy then."
Scout grinned and they walked down the hall and into the cafeteria. Grabbing some food and spotting Hamilton sitting alone at a table, they joined him. " Hey, what's up, man?" Scout asked, smiling.
Hamilton looked up sullenly, brightening a little when he saw Scout, " Hey, you're back! I heard my dad say that you weren't going to come back to Rawley."
" Yeah, but I changed my mind." Scout replied, grinning, " So� where's Jake? Shouldn't you guys be joined at the hip or something?"
Hamilton grimaced, " Sort of a touchy subject now, Scout, don't go there."
" You should know that doesn't deter me, Ham." Faye spoke up, laughing, " So come on, spill."
Hamilton looked up, sighing, " There's no point for me to try keeping this away from you, right? Because you're just going to wheedle until I tell you."
" Too right, baby." Faye told him, taking a bite out of her bread roll.
" She's been acting weird ever since she came back." Hamilton told them, sighing. " Before that, actually. We kinda lost contact after New Year's. She just didn't respond to my Emails, she didn't answer the phone� it scared the hell out of me."
" Strange." Faye remarked, attacking the food on her plate. Looking up and seeing Hamilton look at her with surprise, she swallowed and demanded, " What? I'm hungry."
Scout choked back a laugh, amused that she stole a Hamilton-ism right out of his mouth.
" I've just never seen anyone eat that fast before." Hamilton remarked.
Scout grinned, " Freaked me out at the start, too. You'd think she hadn't seen food in a year."
Faye rolled her eyes, " Guys, off topic. So where is she right now?"
Hamilton shook his head, " I have no idea. I haven't seen her since lunch. She kinda walked out on me."
* * *
Bella's Gas Station
" I kinda walked out on him." Jake told Bella, leaning against the kitchen counter and drying some plates with a dishtowel.
Bella was up to her elbows in soapsuds, doing the dishes as she listened to Jake. " Because he did� what, exactly?"
Jake shrugged, and Bella sighed, " Jake, I'm sorry, but I just don't understand, and I can't understand, unless you tell me why you've been acting this way." Jake glanced at her, and Bella shook her head, " I'm sorry, I know I really shouldn't pressure you into talking unless you're ready for it, but�" She stopped, biting her lip, " � You've got to help me out here, I feel like I don't understand you at all!"
Jake sighed, setting the plates down, " I know I've been really elusive, Bella, I just�" She trailed off.
Bella regarded her thoughtfully, " I don't know if I should say this, but do you have any idea how strange your behaviour is? One minute you're making perfect sense, just standing here, talking to me; and the next minute you'll have one of those minor breakdowns and refuse to speak at all. This isn't like you, Jake."
Jake shook her head, " I don't think I'll ever be like me ever again."
Bella frowned at that cryptic answer, and Jake smiled at her feebly, " I guess I better go. Thanks for dinner."
" Feel free to come whenever." Bella told her, peeling off her rubber gloves.
Jake nodded and walked back out into the lounge, picking up her jacket. " Bye, Mr Banks," She acknowledged Bella's father, who was sitting on the couch and watching TV, " It was nice to meet you."
" You too, Jake." Charlie replied, smiling. Jake nodded and walked out, Bella following. At the door she caught Jake's arm, " Are you sure you don't want to tell me anything?"
Jake bit her lip and shook her head, " I'm fine."
Bella sighed and nodded, " All right. Well, you can come and talk to me anytime. You know that, right?"
" Thanks." Jake nodded, stepping away from the hug that Bella offered by holding out her arms, " I'll keep that in mind."
" Cool." Bella smiled, taking back her offered arms a trifle awkwardly, " See ya later."
Jake raised her hand in a half-hearted salute, then turned and walked down the street, fading into the dark night.
Bella sighed again, going back into the house. Charlie watched her, " You've been hanging out with quite a few Rawley guys lately, Bella."
She raised an eyebrow, " Is that a problem, dad? I know you don't really like Rawley guys."
Charlie shook his head, smiling, " No, it's okay with me. I trust you more than I trusted Donna�" He lowered his voice, glancing at the stairwell, " Or Grace, for that matter. I'm sure you know how to choose your friends. Jake� he's a friend of Will's, isn't he?"
" Yeah, he is." Bella grinned, walking into the kitchen.
" I think he likes you." Charlie called after her.
Bella laughed out loud as she went back to the dishes, " Dad, he's gay."
Part 6
Jake and Hamilton's room
Hamilton stood up abruptly when Jake opened the door to their room. " Okay, I've had it." He told her, walking towards her and she shrank back against the closed door, looking at him with a degree of apprehension in her eyes.
" I want an answer now," He demanded, standing right in front of her, his jaw set determinedly, " And I'm not going to stop until I know what I want to know. You've never been acting as weird as this, and I want to know why. I want to know what happened in London, I want to know why you didn't call me when I was worried out of my mind, I want to know why you are doing this to me, I�"
" I want to break up." She told him, closing her eyes wearily.
He took a moment to register.
*Placebo's 'Without You I'm Nothing' starts to play*
She opened her eyes again and watched him, how his face turned white and his eyes widened in disbelief, and all that she could think of was how much she couldn't deal with all of this right now.
God, if he only knew that his love could send her over the edge, the feelings too strong and too true to be held in check, too powerful for the fragility that she was now. It would tide her over, the weight of love crushing in its tenderness.
Can't. Deal. With. It.
Can't. Deal. With. Him.
Can't. Deal. With. This. Love.
Right. Now.
--'Strange infatuation seems to grace the evening tide / I'll take it by your side / Such imagination seems to help the feeling slide / I'll take it by your side�'
He blinked and spoke with an effort, " Jake, you don't mean that."
It was as though she was falling out of his reach, framed by those bright spots dancing in front of his eyes, and he could do nothing but watch as she slipped away.
" I've got to, Hamilton."
He watched her lips move, and those words severed him straight through.
It was over, just like that, no forewarning, no explanation?
" Why?" He managed to find his voice, to whisper.
She shook her head, willing the tears to stay back, " I can't. I just� I can't. Not right now."
" THAT'S NOT A REASON!" He yelled, grabbing her by the shoulders, " Give me a real explanation!"
--'Instant correlation sucks and breeds a pack of lies / I'll take it by your side / Oversaturation curls the skin and tans the hide / I'll take it by your side�'
The tears finally fell the moment his fingers reached her, " Don't touch me, don't touch me!" She sobbed, fighting his grasp, jerking away, " Don't�"
He forced himself to withdraw his hands when he saw that she was near breaking point, but couldn't help banging his fist on the door heavily, " Damn it, Jake, why?"
He wondered why the world seemed so jagged through his eyes. He felt like he was being trapped in a world of those strange flickering black lights that they use on dance floors, all movements around him haphazard, fragmented and senseless.
" Don't ask any more questions." She told him, wiping the tears away impatiently, " I can't handle it."
" And what makes you think that I can?" He asked, turning with an anguished, wild look in his eyes, " You ignore me, confuse me, hurt me like you've never done before, and now you want to break up�"
" We are breaking up." She told him, walking to her bed and sat down, burying her face in her hands, " Just accept it."
" Don't you tell me what to accept and what not to!" He exploded, " A reason, you owe me at least that much! I want to know why you're doing this!"
She looked up at him, blinking back fresh tears. " For the sake of my sanity, Hamilton. I'm doing this to keep me sane."
--'I'm unclean, a libertine / And every time you vent your spleen / I seem to lose the power of speech / You're slipping slowly from my reach / You grow me like an evergreen / You've never seen the lonely me at all�'
" So you're breaking up with me because I'm making you insane? Or is it because I'm insane?" He asked bitterly, clenching his fists.
" No! Just� just leave it here, okay?" She pleaded, " I� I can't talk about it any more. Give me some time to think everything over, please! Otherwise I'm just gonna�" She stopped again, shaking her head in frustration, leaving whatever it was unsaid.
Hamilton sighed, sliding down against the wall so that he ended up sitting on the floor, head between his knees. " Don't give me that and expect me to 'just accept it'." He whispered hoarsely.
--'I... Take the plan, spin it sideways / I... Fall.'
" I don't have anything left to say." She told him, drawing her legs beneath her so that she curled up on the bed.
" Well, I do." He told her, looking up, and she could see that there were tears brimming in his eyes. He blinked, " I love you. Doesn't that mean anything to you?"
--'Without you, I'm nothing / Without you, I'm nothing�'
She gave him no response and he dragged the back of his hand across his eyes, removing those tears before they can form their salty drops on his cheek. " What the hell is happening?" He asked softly, " Is this� is this for real?"
" It is." She told him, curling up and bringing her knees to her chest, " I've got to do this, please don't hate me, but I do."
He could not think of anything to say. Sure, so many words came to him, most prominently being 'why', but he knew it was futile, then, there, what could bring her back would be of no use at that point.
--'Without you, I'm nothing / Take the plan, spin it sideways / Without you, I'm nothing at all�'
He sighed, halfway between numb shock and unbearable pain, the only light in his life giving hope to another tomorrow, when she may decide to lift this confusion, this madness; when things may look up again.
* * *
Will and Scout's room
Will had gotten back from home pretty late, and most of the guys have gone to bed. He frowned when he saw light peeking out from underneath the door to his room. His brows furrowing, he tried to remember if he had left the light on the last time he was here. He didn't think so.
He opened the door warily and the first thing to pop into his field of vision was a glass tank� and a tortoise.
Then he saw Scout sitting on the bed by the window, unpacking a few boxes.
" My god!" Will exclaimed, " Scout? I can't believe it! Finn told me that you've gone!"
Scout looked up with something that was a lot less than friendliness in his eyes, " Will." He acknowledged, then went back to unpacking without a second glance in his former friend's direction.
Will entered the room, biting his lip. There was so many things that he wanted to say now that his roommate has come back, but suddenly he couldn't seem to get them out, seeing that Scout had treated his welcome so coolly.
" I don't know if you remember," He settled on telling him, " But we were going to switch for the window bed after winter break, so�" He gestured towards the window, " There you are."
Scout nodded, standing up and stacking his books on his desk.
Will sighed and smiled miserably, " Look, I know you're mad at me and everything, I don't blame you." He decided to say, " But I just have to say that I'm glad that you came back, man. I really am."
Scout paused in his unpacking and looked up again, something flickering in the depths of his eyes, " Thanks."
Will looked to him hopefully, but Scout lowered his head again.
* Will's voiceover starts*
' It's strange then, how everything seems to unfold. A part of me could not remember when things began to change, yet a part of me seems to remember every single turning point, every event that triggered this transformation. Sometimes I think life is like watching a sunset. You don't realise that you're looking at it and seeing it change, but it does, right before your eyes. It is only when you turn your head and you catch the shimmer of the first evening star in your peripheral vision, that you realise the sun has already set and night has come tiding in. Now that spring semester's begun, I'm sure there'll be plenty more changes to come, how could there not be? I just hope I'm ready for it. I hope everyone is.'
" Nice turtle, by the way." Will commented, opening his dresser drawers and getting undressed. He hadn't expected a response, and he was surprised when Scout smiled slightly and corrected him, " It's a tortoise."
* * *
Faye's Room
*Air's 'Playground Love' strikes up*
Faye watched herself in the mirror. She thought her reflection looked tired, pale, a mere fraction of what she should be, of what she had presented to the world. Shaking a couple of sleeping pills out of her bottle, and picking up a glass of water, she downed them in one gulp.
Setting the glass down, she scrutinised the bottle. Shrugging, she shook out another pill and took that as well.
--'I'm a high school lover / And you're my favourite flavour / Love is all / All my soul / You're my playground love�'
Glancing over her shoulder at her roommate, who was already asleep on her bed, she walked over to the window, looking out at the sky.
The night sparkled with stars.
So many stars.
She smiled, looking at them.
--'Yet my hands are shaking / I feel my body reeling / Time's no matter / I'm on fire / On the playground, love�'
Shaking her head slightly, she walked to her bed, finding nestled on it the dress box that Scout had given her. She picked it up and carried it over to her dresser.
Once there, she set it down and opened it, fingers tentatively touching the soft violet sweater. On impulse she took it out of the box and held it against herself, looking at her reflection once more. Scout was right, it did match her eyes.
Still, she could not forget that she had to take her contacts out before bed. Behind those pretty lenses, she knew that her eyes- her true eyes with their true colour- were not violet. They were a colour that escaped description, a colour that could not be matched by something as simple as a sweater. Or really, anything for that matter.
But she still clutched the soft fuzzy material to her chest, gazing into the mirror.
Outside, the stars shimmered.
--'You're the piece of gold / That flashes on my soul / Extra time / On the ground / You're my playground love / Any time, anywhere / You're my playground love�'
