| THE EVIL TED SCRIPT (TRAVELLING ALONG ROAD IN CAR) SCOTT: WHERE IS THIS PLACE ASH? ASH: UP IN THE MOUNTAINS IN REDNECK COUNTRY. IT'S A LITTLE RUN DOWN, BUT THE OWNER SAID IT'S FREE. BESIDES, IT CAN'T BE TOO BAD, RIGHT? SCOTT: SO WHERE ARE WE NOW ASH? ASH: WELL WE JUST CROSSED THE TENESSEE BOARDER. SO THAT WOULD PUT US RIGHT ABOUT... (TRUCK COMING TOWARDS THEM) ASH: ...HERE! (CAR SWERVES, NARROWLY MISSES TRUCK) SHELLY: AHHHHHH! (PATHETIC SCREAM) ASH: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PLAYING AT? THAT DRAMA WAS SEVERELY SHORT LIVED! SCOTT: WELL THAT'S WHAT YOU GET WHEN FILMS ARE ONLY 80 MINUTES LONG. GOD! LOOK AT THE YOKALS. WHAT IS THIS, DELIVERANCE? ASH: (MUTTERS DUELING BANJOES) (DRIVE UP TO BRIDGE - SHOW LOAD LIMIT SIGN) LINDA: ARE YOU SURE THIS BRIDGE IS SAFE? SCOTT: OF COURSE IT IS. WHAT DO YOU THINKS GOING TO HAPPEN. IT FALLS DOWN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT THUS TRAPPING US ALL HERE TO BE SUBJECTED TO UNIMAGINABLE HORROR WHICH COULD ONLY BE DESCRIBED AS X-RATED. ASH: YEAH. THIS THINGS STURDY AS A ROCK. (BEAM BREAKS, CAR WHEEL INTO IT. ASH LOOKS OUT AND GASPS - GOES BACK IN, CAR MOVES ON) (CAR TURNS LEFT INTO DRIVEWAY OF HOUSE) (CAR PULLS UP. THEY GET OUT) ASH: WHAT A HOLE! IT DIDN'T LOOK LIKE THIS IN THE BROCHURE! I�VE SEEN BETTER SHIT HOLES ON �NIGHTMARE HOLIDAYS.� SHELLY: WELL SCOTT, AREN'T YOU GOING TO OPEN IT UP? SCOTT: WHY'S IT GOTTA BE ME? ASH: BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THE MAIN MAN. I AM. SHELLY: WHAT'S THE MATTER. NOT MAN ENOUGH? SCOTT: AH SHUT IT, I HAVE A BIG FLUFFY ONE LIKE ANY OTHER MALE SOFT TOY! (SCOTT SLOWLY WALKS UP TO HOUSE. LOOKS BACK AT THEM. TURNS BACK. NOW ON PORCH, LOOK AT BANGING CHAIR. REACH FOR KEY. TURN TO THEM. ASH: HEY, PASS ME THAT SUITCASE. LINDA: O.K. (THROWS SUITCASE, WHACKS ASH IN THE FACE) ASH: AHHHH! OUCH, MY HEAD! JUST AS WELL I'M STUFFED OTHERWISE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN WORTHY OF THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR! (SCOTT WONDERING AROUND HOUSE, USE DARKNESS AND STRONG LIGHT TO COME THROUGH DOORWAYS LIKE IN THE FILM) SCOTT: OH GOD. THERE'S NO T.V! HOW CAN THERE BE NO T.V? THIS IS INHUMANE, AHHHH! (LATER THAT NIGHT - BLACK PLASTIC AROUND SET TO SIMULATE DARKNESS, TORCH IN HOLES + REFLECTORS FOR LIGHTING) (CHERYL DRAWING CLOCK, BADLY, WIND COMES IN WINDOW AND MAKES HER DRAW WIERD BOOK WITH FACE PICTURE) (KEEP FIPPING BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN HER AND CLOCK. INCLUDE ALL WIERD CLOCK STUFF ETC, POSSIBLY DO A SOUND DUBB) (LOOKS AT PICTURE) (LATER AT DINNER) SHELLY: OH THIS LOOKS SO NICE. WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO COOK ASH? ASH: I SAW IT ON THE TELEVISION, UH, A SHOW CALLED, 'CAN'T STUFF, DON'T GIVE A STUFFING.' CHERYL: WELL, IT LOOKS JUST ABOUT EDIBLE, WELL-DONE ASH. / SCOTT, CALL OFF THE STOMACH PUMPS. ASH: NOW, NOW LITTLE SISTER, I KNOW YOU LOOK NOTHING LIKE ME AND THAT YOUR NOSE IS RATHER HUGE, BUT MY CULLINARY SKILLS ARE SUPERB. CHERYL: LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND SPELL THAT, STUFFING FOR BRAINS. (ALL SAT DOWN AT TABLE) SCOTT: SPEECH! SPEECH! ASH: O.K. A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE ONCE SAID.....HE SAID. WELL IT WASN'T QUITE WHAT HE SAID, IT WAS HOW HE SAID IT. SCOTT: WOMAN! ASH: SHUT UP! HE SAID... SCOTT: PARTY DOWN! YEAH. ASH: WOW! THAT TIME THE LIP SYNCH WAS ALMOST CORRECT. YOU HAVE SOME TALENT THERE, BUD. (CELLAR DOOR BANGS OPEN ON CLOSE UP) LINDA: WHAT'S DOWN THERE? SHELLY: MAYBE IT'S AN ANIMAL. SCOTT: AN ANIMAL, AN ANIMAL? (BAD LAUGH) NOW THAT IS THE STUPIDIST THING I'VE HEARD. ASH: I DON'T THINK THAT WAS AN ANIMAL SHELLY. MAYBE A DRAUGHT, OR A STUNTMAN OR SOMETHING. MAYBE THE STUDENT FILM MAKER HERE ON WORK EXPERIENCE ATE A BAD BURITTO OR SOMETHING AND FARTED THE DOOR OPEN. SCOTT: OH WELL DONE COLUMBO, OR IS YOUR NAME KOJACK? ASH: ONE MORE THING, SCOTTY, SHUT THE HELL UP. CHERYL: WELL WHO'S GOING DOWN THERE? (NO ANSWER) SCOTT: OH I'LL GO YOU BUNCH OF SISSY'S! SHELLY: BE CAREFUL! SCOTT: YEAH, YEAH. ASH: HERE'S THE TORCH. SCOTT: CHEERS FOR LIKE SAVING MY LIFE ALREADY! (SCOTT GOES DOWN INTO DARKNESS, WAITING FOR HIM, SHOW DIFFERENT SHOTS) SHELLY: SCOTT! LINDA: SCOTT! ASH: SCOTT! SCOTTY! CHERYL: WELL ARE WE GOING TO SHOUT HIS NAME ALL NIGHT OR IS SOMEONME GOING TO BEAM THEMSELVES DOWN THERE? (SILENCE) ASH: OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! BRIDGE TO SPOCK, BEAM ME DOWN! I'LL GO THEN. (GOES DOWN INTO CELLAR, BOTTOM OF STAIRS VIEW. NOW IN CELLAR, DO A SLIGHT PAN FROM SLIGHTLY ABOVE, THEN COME DOWN BEHIND ASH. LOOK AT DOOR. ASH CREEPS UP, OPENS IT AND ENTERS, MORE DARKNESS. SILENCE, THEN...) SCOTT: BOO! (HYSTERICAL LAUGHING) ASH: FUPPING HELL, WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?! YOU SCARED THE STUFFING OUT OF ME. IF I HAD GUTS, I WOULD HAVE PROBABLY DROPPED THEM BY NOW! SCOTT: HEY. COME AND HAVE A LOOK AT ALL THIS COOL STUFF I FOUND HERE. (WALK OVER TO SMALL DESK IN CELLAR ROOM) (ASH PICKS UP 'NECRONOMICON') ASH: GEES! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS THING! (MOVES IT ABOUT AND LOOKS INSIDE, FLICKING FROM HIS FACE BACK TO A DIFFERENT PAGE EACH TIME) (SCOTT PICKS UP KNIFE AND EXAMINS IT IN MUCH THE SAME WAY. PUTS IT DOWN AND PICKS UP GUN) SCOTT: HEY. LOOK AT THIS. (ASH LOOKS UP, STARING DOWN INTO GUN BARREL, GASPS, PUSHES IT AWAY) ASH: MAN. LOOKS LIKE THIS THINGS BEEN DOWN HERE FOR QUITE A WHILE. I WONDER IF IT STILL SHOOTS. SCOTT: HEY. I'LL GRAB THE TAPE RECORDER AND YOU GET EVERYTHING ELSE. ASH: O.K. SOUNDS LIKE A RATHER SELFISH COMPROMISE THOUGH! (ASH CONTINUES TO LOOK AT THE BOOK. FADE OUT) (ALL SITTING ON THE FLOOR AROUND THE TAPE RECORDER) ASH: O.K. SSHHH. SSHHH. LISTEN TO THIS. THIS IS THE TAPE I FOUND DOWNSTAIRS, IT SAYS IT�S SUPPOSED TO BE �THE GREATEST HITS OF THE BAY CITY ROLLERS. SO I GUESS WE CAN TAPE OVER IT AFTER WE�RE DONE LISTENING. (TURNS ON TAPE - BOOMING, ECHOING STYLE VOICE) MAN: IT HAS BEEN A NUMBER OF YEARS SINCE I BEGAN MY EXCAVATION OF THE DARK CASTLE. MY MOST RECENT DISCOVERY WAS THIS BOOK. IT TELLS OF THE DEMON INCARNATIONS. THE BOOK IS BOUND IN TOY FURR AND INKED IN TOY BLOOD. IT TELLS OF THE RESURECTION OF THE UNFLUFFED. (CHERYL TURNS IT OFF) SCOTT: WHAT'S THE MATTER? CHERYL: I JUST DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE. SCOTT: OOOOO, WOOOOO, WOOOOO, WOOOOO, WOOOOOO,OOOOOO! COME ON I JUST WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF IT. NO BIG DEAL. (REACHES OVER AND TURNS IT BACK ON) (SHOTS OF THE GROUND OUTSIDE, BIG GLOWING THING COMES OUT PARTIALLY) MAN: I WILL BEGIN THE PHOENETIC PRONUNCIATIONS OF THE DEMON RESURECTION PASSAGES. FROOOMBA, CAMEROOOO, CHEEEESESTRIIIINGS, FLOOOHEE, RUUHHHH BISHHHHHH, CAND STOOF, WOAN STOOF! CHERYL: SHUT IT OFF. MAN: CAND GUUDS! CHERYL: SHUT IT OFF. MAN: CAAANNDEEE! CHERYL: SHUT IT OFF!!!! (CHERYL GOES MENTAL - LIGHTENING FLASHES AND SOUND, TREE BRANCH THROUGH WINDOW) SHELLY: CHERYL! WHERE YOU GOING YOU STUPID SPASTIC BITCH? ASH: I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. YOU KNEW SHE DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR THE REST OF IT BUT YOU STILL KEPT ON PLAYING IT. YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHEN A JOKE GOES TOO FAR! NOW THE REST OF THIS MOVIE HAS TO BE CENTERED AROUND HORROR, WELL, THANKS TO YOU, WE�RE ALL GONNA DIE NOW! SCOTT: HEY! DON'T GIMME THAT. THAT'S WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE, A JERK WHO EVENTUALLY GETS HIS DRAMATIC COMUPPANCE. HEH, HEH...OH. (OUTSIDE SHOT - DARK AND SPOOKY) (INSIDE SHOT - ASH AND LINDA SITTING ON SOFA) ASH: I'M GOING TO STAY UP FOR A WHILE. LINDA: YEAH, O.K. I'M JUST GOING TO CHECK ON CHERYL. (LINDA WALKS OFF TO CHERYL'S ROOM. ASH CRAWLS TO DOOR TO LOOK AND GETS OUT PRESENT FOR LINDA - SITS BACK ON SOFA) (SHOT OF DOOR WAY AND CORRIDOR, LINDA WALKS TOWARDS CAMERA - SEES ASH ON SOFA - THIS SEQUENCE MUST BE TIMED FOR ONLY MUSIC) (LINDA CAUGHT OUT) ASH: OH. STEALING OTHER PEOPLE'S STUFF ARE WE? COME WITH ME MAM, WE�LL HAVE TO ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS DOWN AT THE STATION. (SMILES) ASH: HERE YOU GO. (LINDA PICKS PRESENT FROM BOX � A CHEAPO PIECE OF SHIT FROM A CHRISTMAS CRACKER � A GREEN PLASTIC NECKLACE.) LINDA: OH ASH. IT'S SO GREEN AND CRAPPY, DID THIS COME FROM A CHRISTMAS CRACKER? (ASH PUTS IT ROUND HER NECK) LINDA: I LOVE IT. I REALLY DO. I SUPPOSE. ASH: I WAS GOING TO GIVE IT TO YOU BEFORE WE CAME UP HERE, BUT I DIDN'T, I WAS TOO BUSY READING THE JOKES INSIDE AND PARADING AROUND IN MY NEW TRENDY PAPER HAT. LINDA: I REALLY LOVE IT. I'LL NEVER TAKE IT OFF, JUST LIKE MY FURR. ASH: O.K. CALM DOWN. IT'S PLASTIC FOR GOD'S SAKE, NOT THE TREASURE OF THE SIERA MaDre! (OUTSIDE - DARK - PAN ACROSS THE SIDE OF CABIN AND SEE EVERBODY IN ROOMS - MUST HAVE WINDOWS FOR LIVING ROOM - 2 FRONT, 1 ON SIDE OF L.ROOM AND WINDOW FOR EACH OF THREE BEDROOMS, TOYS ONLY IN TWO OF THE ROOMS THAT ARE THEIRS - LINDA'S ROOM IS ACROSS HALL, SCOTT/SHELLY'S ROOM, THEN CHERYL'S) (LOOK IN THROUGH CHERYL'S ROOM WINDOW. SHE LOOKS OUT AND THEN WALKS OVER TO HER SECOND DOOR) (PAN ROUND TO SEE CHERYL WALKING INTO WOODS) CHERYL: HELLO! IS ANYONE OUT THERE? (LOOOOOONG WALK INTO THE WOODS, DO SEVERAL SHOTS, SOME WIERD, INNOVATIVE ONES) CHERYL: HELLO! HELLO! I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE. I HEARD YOU. I HEARD YOU IN THE CELLAR, AND IN BEHIND THE WALL WHEN I WAS SHOWERING. WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID? YOU WANT ME TO BE YOUR BITCH? (CRACKS - TREE FALLS. ATTACKED BY TREES FOR A WHILE, SHE BREAKS FREE AND ANOTHER LONG RUN THROUGH THE WOODS UP TO DOOR) CHERYL: DAMN! HOW LONG DO THESE WOODS GO ON FOR. WHAT IS THIS THE TWILIGHT WOODS OF SOMETHING? (CHERYL BANGING ON DOOR, GOING MENTAL - GETS KEY AT LAST, BUT CAN'T FIND RIGHT KEY - LOADS OF BIT SHOTS OF EVIL VISION. DOOR FINALLY OPENED BY ASH WHO GRABS HER IN AND SLAMS DOOR. EVIL UP TO DOOR, SLIDES BACK INTO DARKNESS OF WOOD) ASH: CHERYL WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, DID SOMEONE DO THIS TO YOU? CHERYL: NO. NO. IT WAS THE WOODS THEMSELVES. THE TREES ASH, THE TREES, THEY'RE ALIVE, THE TREES ARE ALIVE! LINDA: ASH, WHY DON'T I TAKE HER INTO HER ROOM SO SHE CAN LIE DOWN AND I CAN SHOOT HER UP WITH SOME WACKEY SHIT TO KIND OF EVEN THIS CRAZY CRAP OUT. CHERYL: I'M NOT LYING DOWN! I WANNA GET OUT OF HERE, RIGHT NOW! RIGHT NOW ASHLEY. OR I�LL BITE YOUR BALLS OFF! SCOTT: HEY. I'M NOT LEAVING ANY PLACE TONIGHT. I SPENT TWELVE BUCKS ON THIS PLACE.....DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT WAS FREE....A..AND I'M INTENDING ON GETTING MY MONEY'S WORTH OUT OF THIS DUMP. ASH: LOOK CHERYL, THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE, TREES DID NOT ATTACK YOU. MAYBE A BEAVER, BUT THAT'S IT! AND YOU CAN�T BITE OFF MY BALLS, I�D JUST SEW THEM BACK ON AGAIN ANYWAY! CHERYL: ASHLEY! ARE YOU DRIVING ME INTO TOWN OR NOT? ASH: WHAT? RIGHT NOW? SURE SURE, I'LL TAKE YOU INTO TOWN BUT JUST LISTEN TO WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. THAT'S GOING TO TAKE AT LEAST A TEN MINUTE ROUND TRIP. CHERYL: I DON'T CARE, I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE RIGHT NOW! I WANNA GO TAKE IN A SHOW, I WANNA GO AND GET HAMMERED AND FALL DOWN DRUNK IN A BAR, I WANNA GO SHAG A STRANGER FOR MONEY, I WANNA LIVE ASH! I WANNA LIVE! WHY WON�T YOU LET ME LIVE ASH!? WHY? ASH: O.K. YOU CAN STAY SOMEWHERE IN TOWN TONIGHT. LIKE THE CIRCUS. (WALK UP TO DOOR, OPEN IT. OUTSIDE SHOT, DARK, BUT LOTS OF LIGHT BEHIND DOOR. WALK OUT TO CAR, OTHERS IN DOORWAY. TRIES TO START CAR REPEATEDLY. SHOTS OF OTHERS INCLUDED) CHERYL: IT'S NO GOOD ASH. IT'S NOT GOING TO LET US LEAVE ASH. IT'S NOT GOING TO LET US LEAVE! IT WANTS US ASH, IT WANTS TO WATCH ME SHOWER! (CAR LIGHTS ON - ASH GIVES A SHIFTY LOOK) (DRIVE OFF, WINDOW SHOT OF CAR, WOBBLE CAMERA - PULL UP TO BRIDGE BEGINNING, ASH LOOKS OUT) CHERYL: WHY ARE YOU STOPPING? ASH: WAIT A MINUTE. I NEED TO TAKE A PISS. (ASH WALKS OFF AT AN ANGLE INTO DARKNESS, CHERYL GETS OUT) CHERYL: ASHLEY? ARE YOU DONE YET? YOU�RE NOT JACKING OFF AGAIN ARE YOU? �COS REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED LAST TIME. REMEMBER? REMEMBER THE WASP�S NEST? (CHERYL WALKS OFF TOO) (WALKING THROUGH WOODS AGAIN, UNTIL, SEE COLLAPSED BRIDGE AND SIGN - INCLUDE TO SIGN, LABEL SAYING 'NEVR BREAK,' HOW IRONIC) (CHERYL RUNS OFF IN A MENTAL SPAT, ASH JUMPS OUT AND CATCHES HER) CHERYL: (SCREAMS) AHHHHHH! IT'S NOT GONNA LET US LEAVE ASH, IT'S NOT GONNA LET US LEAVE! ACH! MY ACTING IS SO TERRIBLE! (ASH LISTENING TO TAPE ALONE) MAN: MY ONLY FEAR NOW IS THAT I MAY HAVE NOW UNLEASHED THE CANADIAN DEMONS UPON THIS EARTH AND MY WIFE. I FEAR THAT THE ONLY WAY TO COMBAT THIS EVIL IS THROUGH BODILY DE-FLUFFMENT. I HAVE SEEN THE DARK SHADOWS MOVING IN THE WOODS AND I FEAR THAT IT MAY BE JEREMY BEADLE OR THE UNSPEAKABLE EVIL OF JIMMY SAVILLE. WHATEVER I HAVE RESURECTED THROUGH THIS BOOK, I'M SURE IT WILL COME CALLING FOR ME LIKE RICHARD BACON ON THE BIG BREAKFAST. (SHELLY AND LINDA PLAYING MIND GAMES) LINDA: O.K. O.K. IT'S...IT'S A SEVEN. (HOWEVER, IT'S NOT) SHELLY: YES! NOW WHAT SUIT? LINDA: DIAMONDS. SHELLY: YES! (IT'S NOT THOUGH) O.K. TRY THIS ONE. LINDA: IT'S A SEVEN. CLUBS, NO HEARTS! SHELLY: YES! (THOUGH IT�S NOT!) LINDA: I THINK IT'S SOME SORT OF EXTRA SENSORY THING, LIKE TELEPATHY. HEY ASH, WHAT DO YOU THINK? ASH: TRUELY AMAZING LINDA, TRUELY. CALL GUINESS RIGHT NOW. SHELLY: O.K. TRY THIS ONE. LINDA: IT'S A SEVEN! (THOUGH IT'S NOT!) SHELLY: YES! NOW THIS ONE. (CHERYL STARING OUT OF WINDOW INTO DARKNESS) SHELLY: EIGHT OF SPADES. JACK OF DIAMONDS. ACE OF HEARTS, TWO OF SPADE, KING OF CLUBS. JACK OF DIAMONDS! KING OF CLUBS! SHIT LINDA! YOU ARE SO SHIT AT THIS GAME! (GOING MENTAL WHILE SHELLY REVEALS ALL THE RIGHT CARDS) (CHERYL TURNS ROUND ALL SCREWED UP) (TURNS ROUND AND SCARES EVERYONE) CHERYL: WHY DO YOU DISTURB OUR ANCIENT SLUMBER? YOU WILL DIE! LIKE THE OTHERS BEFORE YOU. ONE BY ONE WE WILL TAKE YOU! (MANKY VOICE - THEN FALLS ON FLOOR) (SCOTT COMES IN, SHOCKED) SCOTT: WHAT HAPPENED TO HER? PMT? PMS? PBS? (ASH AND LINDA WALKS OVER TO FALLEN CHERYL, WHO PICKS UP PENCIL AND STABS LINDA IN LEG - ANIMATE AND BLOODIFY HER TROUSER LEG OF ROUGH CLOTHES) (LINDA SCREAMS AT SAME TIME - TIME AND SOUND DUBB BIT) (LINDA PUNCHED OVER TO DOOR, FALLS DOWN. CHERYL GRABS ASH BY FACE AND THROWS HIM INTO THE BOOKSHELF, WHICH FALLS OVER ON HIM) (CHERYL GETS UP AND STARTS WALKING TOWARDS ASH, SCOTT INTERCEPTS, THROWN INTO CORRIDOR DOOR, HOLDING AXE. GETS UP AND BODGES CHERYL IN FACE WITH AXE HANDLE. CHERYL FALLS TO FLOOR. SCOTT KICKS HER INTO CELLAR AND LOCKS IT UP. CELLAR DOOR REPEATEDLY PUSHED UP A BIT FOR ABOUT 10 SECONDS) (ANOTHER SHOT OF HOUSE AT NIGHT) (LINDA AND ASH'S ROOM. ASH COMES IN. DARK IN ROOM, STRONG LIGHT BEHIND ASH, USE BIG BED SIDE LIGHT FOR STRONG LIGHT SCENES) (ASH COVERS UP LINDA AND WALKS OUT) (CELLAR DOOR VIEW OF PEOPLE IN LIVING ROOM - CHERYL GROANING AND MOANING) (ASH COMES IN) SCOTT: ASH, I THINK WE OUGHTA GET OUTTA HERE. ASH: YEAH. IT'S ONLY A FEW MORE HOURS TILL MORNING. SHELLY: I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG. I REALLY GOTTA PEE! AND THERE'S A SPIDER ON THE TOILET SEAT! SCOTT: YOU HAVE TO. AND THEN IN THE MORNING, WE'LL GET IN THE CAR, AND WE'LL TAKE THE BRIDGE..... SHELLY: WHY DOES SHE KEEP MAKING THOSE HORRIBLE NOISES? ASH: I DON'T KNOW! DRAMATIC REALISM? SHELLY: HER EYES, WHAT HAPPED TO HER EYES. (BAD ACTING) (CHERYL SINKS BACK INTO CELLAR. LAUGHS A LOT.) (EVIL VISION THROUGH BIT OF WOODS) SCOTT: EVERYTHING GONNA BE ALRIGHT. (EVIL VISION COMING UP TO HOUSE + BANGING OF SEAT) (SHELLY WALKS TO WINDOW) (EVIL VISION CLOSE TO HOUSE) SHELLY: I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING OUT THERE. SCOTT: WELL DUH! IF THERE WASN'T THERE WOULD BE NO POINT IN OUR BEING HERE! AND THIS WOULD BE RATED PG13! (SCOTT BY FIRE FIDDLING WITH IT) (SCOTT COMES UP TO WINDOW) (MORE EVIL VISION) SCOTT: GO TO BED. GET SOME SLEEP. (EVIL VISION THROUGH CELLAR SIDE WINDOW, FOLLOWS SHELLY TO ROOM WINDOW. SHELLY GRADUALLY COMES TO WINDOW, LOOKS OUT, EVIL BACKS UP, AND RAMS THROUGH WINDOW, SHELLY SCREAMS.) (ALERTS SCOTT AND ASH. SCOTT COMES RUNNING INTO ROOM TO SEE DESTRUCTION. GOES TO WINDOW, LOOKS OUT. RIGHT THEN LEFT. GOES BACK IN. HERES SOMETHING BEHIND CURTAIN CUPBOARD, MOVES IT. NOTHING.) (GOES TO BATHROOM DOOR, OPENS IT AND GOES IN. MOVES OVER TO BATH, PULLS BACK NET, NOTHING. TURNS. BOOM! SHELLY DEMON LEAPS ON HIM) (BURST INTO LIVING ROOM, BATTLE, THROWS SHELLY ON FIRE. FILM WAGGLING LEGS. SCREAMING. SCOTT PULLS SHELLY OUT) (DEMON VOICE SHELLY) SHELLY: THANKYOU. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE IF I HAD REMAINED ON THOSE HOT COALS. BURNING MY PRETTY FURR....ACTUALLY I DO, I WOULD HAVE STAYED THER A LITTLE LONGER PROBABLY AND THEN DIED, DUH. (BEGINS TO STRANGLE SCOTT. ASH RUSHES OVER WHILE DEMON CHERYL SCREAMS WITH JOYISH GLEE. ASH PUNCHED INTO ANOTHER SET OF SHELVES. SHELLY PUSHED SCOTT NEARER FIRE. ASH STUGGLING. SCOTT PUSHES HIS WAY BACK UP. SHELLY SCREAMING 'JOIN US' REACHES FOR KNIFE, BATTLE TOGETHER, SCOTT GETS HIS KNIFE AND SLICES HER PAW. SHE GOES MENTAL AND BITES IT OFF) (DROPS SEVERED PAW AND KNIFE (CONECTED) ON FLOOR, SCOTT PICKS IT UP. BLOOD ALL OVER FLOOR.) (SCOTT STABS SHELLY IN BACK. SCREAMING FOR AGES, GRADUALLY FALLS BACK. LOOK AT HER. WHITE CRAP TO BE SQUIRTED UP. (VIEW OF SCOTT AND ASH) (LAYING THERE ON BLOOD RED FLOOR) (SCOTT WALKS ALONG BESIDE HER BODY. BAM! GRABBED BY SHELLY AGAIN) (SCOTT WALKS BACKWARDS TILL BESIDE COWERING ASH) SCOTT: HIT IT! (ASH AFRAID - SCOTT GRABS AXE AND HITS SHELLY ABOUT SEVERAL THOUSAND TIMES, BLOOD SQUIRTED UP IN SEVERAL SHOTS) (THE GUYS GASP ETC, THEN TAKE HER OUT TO BURY HER IN SHEET, DO A CROSS TO STICK IN GROUND) (BIT OF EVIL VISION OUTSIDE HOUSE, CUT TO SCOTT LOOKING OUT OF WINDOW, ASH APPEARS IN DIFFERENT SHOT OF WINDOW) ASH: WOW! THIS PLACE REALLY SUCKS HUH? SCOTT: ASH, I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE, I MEAN, THERE HAS TO BE AT LEAST A ONE STAR HOTEL BETTER THAN THIS HOLE IN TOWN. THERE MUST BE AN OLD TRAIL OR SOMETHING I CAN GET OBVIOUSLY LOST ON. ASH: BUT WE CAN'T TAKE LINDA, WE'RE TOO LAZY. SCOTT: WELL THAT'S WHY I'M GOING AND YOU'RE NOT, YOU STAY HERE AND GUARD THE FLOCK OR SOMETHING. (OUTSIDE SHOT AND SCOTT GOES AWAY INTO DARKNESS. ASH TURNS FROM DOOR AND LOOKS DOWN AT EVIL CHERYL) ASH: GOD! SHUT UP! (ASH GOES TO LINDA'S ROOM AND EXAMINS ANKLE, SHE QUIVERS AND BURSTS UP AS EVIL LINDA, ASH SCREAMS, RUNS TO FRONT DOOR AND WAITS, SCOTT BURSTS UP, ALL KNACKERED, DRAGS HIM TO SOFA) ASH: GEES! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? SCOTT: THE TREES ASH, THEY'RE ALIVE, THERE'S NO WAY OUT ASH! WE'RE TRAPPED! ASH: WELL DUH! (EVIL CHERYL AND LINDA LAUGH AND TORMENT HIM, ETC HE LIFTS UP GUN AND THREATENS HER, SHE LOOKS DOWN, THEN UP, SHE'S FINE, THEY HUG, BUT SHE GOES WEIRD AGAIN AFTER CHERYL, NOW GOOD COAXES HIM OVER, SCARES HIM AND HE JUMPS BACK, DRAGS HER OUTSIDE AND DUMPS HER IN SPOTLIGHT, SHE'S LAUGHING MADLY.) (ASH GOES TO SCOTT) ASH: WE'RE GONNA GET OUT OF HERE. YOU ME, LINDA, CHERYL, SHELLY...WELL NOT SHELLY, WE CHOPPED HER UP, BURIED HER REMAINS AND PISSED ON HER GRAVE, SCOTT? (SCOTT'S DEAD. ASH GOES OVER TO WINDOW. AHHH! ATTACKED BY LINDA, BUNCH OF STRUGGLING, EVIL KNIFE, WHICH SHE'S GOT IS STUCK IN HER. IN SHED. GET OUT CHAINSAW, (51 SECONDS FROM CHAINSAW START TO END OF EMOTION) GETS EMOTIONAL AND SEES CRAP NECKLACE) ASH: OH�.I CAN'T DESTROY THIS, THIS COST $3.99, SCREW HER, SHE'S EVIL DESPITE WHAT MY MIND TELLS ME, SHE'S TRICKED ME TWICE BEFORE, HOW DUMB AM I SUPPOSED TO BE? (CHAINSAW STARTS AND CHOPS HER UP, TAKES PARTS AND BURIES THEM, BAG TALKS) LINDA: HEY! BONEHEAD! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO LEAVE ME BE SO I COULD COME BACK, CAUSE A SCENE WHICH WOULD BE NEEDLESSLY CUT BY YOU KNOW WHO AND SUPPOSEDLY FREAK OUT KIDS WHO HAVE ALREADY WATCHED THE REST OF IT! ASH: YEAH, SO? (AND FILLS GRAVE IN, WALKS OFF) (MEANWHILE, EVIL CHERYL BASHING CELLAR DOOR, TILL IT BREAKS) (ASH GOES IN, SEES DOOR, VENTURES TO SHELLY'S ROOM, GOES TO WINDOW, ATTACKED, AND SHOOTS CHERYL, RUSHES TO DOOR AND NEARLY CLOSES IT, CHERYL GETS HAND KNACKERED, DOOR CLOSED. THINKS, CELLAR!) (ASH ON STAIRS, FALLS DOWN, VENTURES IN, BLOOD EFFECTS BEGIN, THEN, PROJECTOR BIT, RUSHES TO DESK, GETS BULLETS. BACK TO LIVING ROOM, DIFFERENT SHOTS, HE'S GETTING SCREWED WITH, GETS FREAKED, BACKS ON TO DOOR AND CALMS DOWN, THEN BAM! CHERYL BUSTS THROUGH DOOR, FALLS DOWN, SCOTT NOW EVIL AND ATTACKS HIM WHILE CHERYL STRUGGLES WITH DOOR, NECRONOMICON NEAR FIRE - COLOUR SOME CARD. STRUGGLE ETC, ASH HIT WITH POKER, USES CRAP GIFT TO GET BOOK, SCOTT MUNCHES ON LEG, ASH THROWS BOOK IN FIRE, EVILS STOP, SCREECHING ETC, GO MENTAL AND DIE. ASH CALMS DOWN AND GETS UP. VENTURE OUT OF HOUSE TAKES 1 MIN, 36 SECONDS. THEN DO EVIL VISION UP TO ASH - TAKES 24 SECONDS, THEN GO BLACK, CREDITS COME UP - TAKES 1 MIN, 26 SECONDS. FADE OUT AT END. THE EVIL TED FLUFFY TOY PICTURES IN ASSOCIATION WITH N. THOMSON PRODUCTIONS A FILM BY N. THOMSON CAST ASH..................................................XMAS BEAR LINDA......................................FLUFFY RABBIT SCOTT..........................................................BEAR SHELLY.....................................................PIGGY CHERYL..........................................BLUE BEAR VOICES.........................................N. THOMSON CASTING....................BIN BAG CASTING CO. SCREENPLAY...............................N.THOMSON MUSIC..............TAKEN FROM THE MOTION PICTURE, 'THE EVIL DEAD' COMPOSED BY...........................JOE LODUCA SPECIAL EFFECTS............LITTLE OR NONE CO. LIGHTING....................................N. THOMSON SETS...............................................N. THOMSON MATERIALS.......................CARDBOARD INC. FUNDING... ... ... ... ...YOU WHAT? SERVICES CAMERA BY SONY FILMED ON Hi8 FILM SPECIAL THANKS TO: SAM RAIMI ADAM AND JOE MASKING TAPE FREE AFTERNOON BOREDOM WRITTEN, PRODUCED AND DIRECTED BY N. THOMSON AN N. THOMSON PRODUCTION ? 1999 FLUFFY TOY PICTURES THE EVIL TED �THE ULTIMATE EXPERIENCE IN FLUFFY TOYS� WAS FILMED AT MY BEDROOM STUDIOS, ENGLAND ANY SIMILARITIES TO ANY TOYS LIVING OR UNFLUFFED IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL AND MEANS NO HARM BY ANY PREVIOUS SOFT TOY OWNERS. NO SOFT TOYS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS FILM AND ALL SOFT TOYS WERE TREATED WITH THE MAXIMUM RESPECT WHICH INCLUDED SNACK MACHINES AND FOOT RUBS FROM PLAYBOY BUNNIES. ANY UNAUTHORISED OR ILLEGAL COPYING OF THIS SPECTACULAR Hi8 FILM WILL HAVE TO BE TOLERATED DUE TO LACK OF LAWYERS, BUT A SEVERE FINGER WAVING WILL BE GIVEN TO ANY PERPETRATORS. |