Still Not Understood

I want to bear witness
I want to see your face
I want to see your eyes
I want to see your mouth, your lips so soft
I want to stroke your dark hair for days
I want to smell your essence
I want to find your heart
Your mind
Your soul

I want to discover your beauty
I want to stroke your soft skin
I want to bathe in your light
You keep me going each day
Your glowing visage a means to continue

Your eyes no distinct colours are still deep
I don't see them
I am in them
Swimming
But drowning in their clear waters

Your breath is soft, subtle and sweet
I want to hold you, kiss you, and drown in you
Be at one with you
Take you by the hand and lead you
But you lead me as I wish to follow
Enchanting is your whole person
If I didn't know you, I'd know that�
That you're the one I wish to have
To have, hold, love and cherish

I want what you want
Which is not in unison with me
It tears at me, destroys me
But I can't get you out of me
I hold you deep within my heart still
You are why I still breathe
I breathe for you
And you me
But one day I know this cord will break
And once again I know I'll be alone
While everyone else is coupled and swooning

It sickens me to see it
But I don't want it over
I am not some unfeeling ogre
But as I feel, it eats me through
I don't want to continue
But at the same time I do

What should I do my intrigue?
My heart
My reason
Why must this linger on so
Is it just residual memory?
Or is this still a plague?
A plague in me that won't go away

I seem fine you and all
But I can't help but still think of you
And your perfect beauty
I still love you
But I'm in love with my memory of you

Now when I'm around you
Your impact is slight
Only sexual
But in my mind it's all different
Shall I continue to linger about this issue?
Or should I give it up now?
Forever forget you?
Your name, heart, soul, you?
I cannot, will not
But in short time we shall be parted
Which I fear for the new is not comforting
Like your eyes, your tender nature
If I could just hold you once it could be over
But when parted, would this still be here?
Or is first love forever?
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