| March 23rd 2002 Bleed 'Em All Dry Bleed them now Bleed them long Bleed them hard Bleed them till they give up Get rid of the laughter Get rid of the mocking Get rid of the humiliation Get rid of it all Throw it away Throw it to the wolves Throw it far and long Throw it to spite it Scream at them loud Scream at them so unrelenting Scream at them so chilling Scream at them till they choke Watch them stumble Watch them trip Watch them fall Watch them die Undisclosed My identity is obscured From the outside world where others walk Those who pass around me sense I'm tortured But they go by, not wanting to talk I am trapped as if a clich� of the teen psyche So I don't wish to speak out For then they will know what it might be That holds me gagged and bound and unable to shout I am the classical to their heavy metal And as I walk to and fro They jeer and they heckle Even if they don't they still just go Vanish into the ether forever While I am stuck without a ladder To climb out of the hole I made so clever When I do get out with soiled nails I will be much gladder To have torn myself away from here Where I do not want to be or stay But nobody hears my cries or sees the tear That rolls down my face for I will never again be okay Break Down Falling to the floor Amidst ashes of my past I inhale their venom As I crawl on hands and knees in debris Shaking incoherently and without control My eyes well up Amidst confusion and contortion This is where I fall down now The pain of ground zero hurts deep A cavern in my veins oozes And spews over old photos Of once happy memories The people I knew and liked and loved Those who were there And those who are no more I will join them soon I think, I wish For there is not much left For me to glue back together Besides, I'd sooner sniff than stick So I might forget all The End of the Teenage Soon drawing to a close This chapter of my life shuffles to conclusion But what will come scares But what's still here kills I fell like I'm drunk Slurring around all over Hazy interaction and fuzzy emotion As others seem to do fine Shut away to save self of this fear I cower in my shadows And the darkness around my bed My head is slipping away in madness I am alone in this form For all seem fine and coupled But I am mad and alone Never held, never touched, never kissed Instead I am the movie guy The one who lives in the screen And in his head This is all quite true Social gatherings are strange Last time I was the life of the party Last time I was drunk I do not wish to go there But the drink helped swallow All the depression and angst That consumes me daily The swamp that pulls me under I break out at intervals Just in time to breathe Just in time to live some more And feel good, feel bad, feel nothing I listen to my music And shut out ambience As I don't feel right here I fell misplaced The work piles up and topples Falling around me I have too much to do And want too much more Wanting things I will never have In awe of three at the same time It fucks with your head And you just feel unused, untouched, unloved I want to be with you and hold you So I can feel wanted and loved So I can feel normality Instead of frigid same This period of despair will end Hopefully by adult-eve Soon to come yet sod's law states I will be stuck like this forever more This is just a touch of what I am What I do and what I think and feel So spare your pity, although is appreciated We've all been here, but I wish I wasn't anymore Why This Journal You want some more You want some peace and quiet You want some love And you want someone Sitting alone and feeling blue It will never help The darkness consumes you As you write in this journal A testimony of your woes Your heart and feelings for all and everyone Only faceless digits have read this So why do you write it? It's therapy - that's why As you feel despair as you eat As you drink As you sleep Nobody sees it all Instead a few see some But they don't piece it together They'll never know Lamp Lit And Lying Alone Here I lay alone Every night I will wallow Loneliness kills - but I'm still here Pouring over it all - but why? Maybe I'm just crazy Exactly what I want is still hazy Fuck a lot of it I say Or maybe it all Revenge or avenge - for this is murder Insist on my funeral being near Anger wells up Murder on my mind Do you want to die a little tonight? Your skin feels soft, unlike mine In your eyes I see myself Now I take myself away Gone for good |