| February 25th and 26th Slipping Through My Fingers I have still not come to terms With your absence Your lack of being beside me I miss you Since you left me There has been only cold around To see was not to blink Forced to see my mistakes Listening to thrashing metal As I pace around empty rooms My life and yearn for it Slowly slipping through my fingers What could I have done? So that you would have stayed So that you would be in my morning arms Why did you have to slip away? I am alone now My screams and wants and wishes silent Without you to hear me Who will understand? Asphyxiated Choke hold strength Wrapped around my crippled form Squeezing last breath in vigor Panting with glee as I turn cold Holding on to me for some time more My eyes are glazed and stale I cannot see, breathe or move You are my holder and I am your trophy My body is limp Hands clawed and rigid Rigamortose vision and thought Death mask a panicked plea Tongue protruding ghastly Dripping cold saliva down my broken chest I tried to wriggle free once But now the battle has been fought Fought and lost You the victor, me the relinquished soul My life was pulled away from me And now I am asphyxiated Weary Now How long Must I hang around here? On this noose called being I've been here and done this I even have the damned T-shirt This is all just tired out As am I And I just want out Just off the hook So that I am not just dangling All of you played your game as rigid Set paths and views It was you, the drones, who lasted least Left instead, to fade and sink away There is a sickness in me I don't want to play rule abiding Instead swim against tide Lay face down in six-foot last hotels And breathe backwards Maybe I'll reverse what you didn�t? Stuck Like treacle I am stuck Like super glue I am stuck Like insulation strip I am stuck Like death I am stuck Forever in limbo existence Forever thinking about endless alternate Forever never ever to know Forever without your hand To be without you is in me To be with you is where I want To be stuck is where I hate and am To be free with you is only wanting impossible Slinking around empty areas Slinking in and out of dark Slinking to piece together Slinking for the sake of it Stuck without you Stuck where I not want Stuck too fast Stuck in these scribbled words Sunken The sweating sickness has me My eyes burn With acidic drops rolling from my brow Opaque and twitching My flesh is taught and reeling From the coloured fluid Pulsing through my body Infecting my brain with their anxious taste Wrapped in my crusty bed sheets Thinking about before I was normal once upon a happy time I was not controlled I thought for myself I acted of my own accord I could be on my own I could be with the others But now I am stuck encircled Hazy trips and nightmares Piercing my veins every weekend Then every week, then everyday I am a corpse in my bed The only possession I have In this putrid flop house Diseased and seething in lustful loathing My eyes are sunken and black My fingers are crooked and pale My head is whirling I am sinking - my skin forever rotting in chemical warfare Save me from this self-inflicted hell |