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February 12th 2002



Rape Me Of All

Cover me with your eyes
Rape me
Rape me of my virtue
Rape me of my sin

Slather your tongue-like fingers over me
Rape me
Rape me of all I have left
Rape me of those I hold dear

Inhale the scent of my body
Rape me
Rape me of my hopes
Rape me of my dreams

Beat me into the ground
Rape me
Rape me of my feelings
Rape me of the emotions I cling to dearly

Let me spit your taste from my mouth
Rape me
Rape me of my love
Rape me of my love for you



Sitting Writing In The Dark

I am sat here in bed
Writing with my worn and tired pen
Writing in the dark as my torch flickers
I let the sound of Nirvana filter into my head

My head is unclear as to what
It is I should be writing
In this state of nothing
I cannot think too straight

Unable to think or process anything
I love this girl who obsesses me
I don't care for myself
I don't even like my image

Now Nirvana is fading out
I must change the disc
And continue with this forever writing in the dark
I cannot stop this therapy



I Just Replaced The Batteries

My torch was growing dim
So I changed the batteries
They were fading fast
So I tore them out

The old ones were dead and struggling
The new ones are not much better
The old ones were leaking
Spitting acid onto my tired hand

I am still writing by torchlight
And my writing is as scrappy as ever
This just all flows through me
Like the juice through those batteries

The batteries needed changing
They were worn and tired
Nearing death and failing
I changed the batteries with ease

Others can recharge batteries
Or buy in bulk and afford to waste
But not with me
I just wish my batteries were so easy to change



My Crippled Hand

My hand is growing weak
The muscles are tense
My fingers are awkward
And the joints are swollen and dark

Without my hands I cannot speak
The weight on my mind without them would be immense
My thoughts and progress are backward
My fingernails are like teeth of a shark

Filed to points, my blood begins to leak
My inadequate feelings is all I can sense
But my pen still moves forward
Leaving my mind with a blackened mark

During this time I seek
Seek for what will end the suspense
My hand is aching and I am still bored
Of this and everything - I want to lie in the dark



I Cannot Stop It

It's been going on since first rejection
My obsession with you
You are a mythically proportioned you
Jaded of my kind

I want to have you all to my lonesome self
But I have been cast away
And I am drifting away
Clutching to my failing torch to guide me in the dark

You are so funny
You are so sweet
You are so beautiful
You are so perfect - why can't you see me seeing this?

For quite some time I have loved you
And you still do not know of this feeling
For I am too shy and quiet
And you are too good for me

I must make amends for lack of communication
And express myself more often to you
I can do it on the highway of zeros and ones
But when confronted with you, I stop



Last Night

Last night I talked to you
I chatted away without a care
As if I was always capable of such things
But I talked to you on the net

You were displeased with yourself
But I re-assured you
You are perfect - at the very least in my eyes
But they are not wide open to show you all of me

You are so smart, funny and attractive
But I feel like your negative
Never to be drawn in by you
You'd never want me that way - only some other guy

There are others who are like me with you
And you don't know
Is ignorance bliss?
Because knowing this is not - I am falling apart

I have been trying to take my mind off it
But it's not working
You have infiltrated my everything
And I just can't stop dreaming of you



You

In my eyes you are perfect

Can you hear me screaming your name?
And can you hear me weeping without you?
Never to hold you
Never to have you
Over and over I scream and shout, but
To no avail

Living this lie is destroying me all over
I've never felt this since rejection prior
Verbose I am in my head and text to you
Everytime I see you I cease to function

In my mind you are always there
Now and always

You are burned into me
Over my body I am branded by you
Undercover I love you so dearly
Roaming the outside I only watch you intending

Always will this be secret
Because you will never know
Sharp are the daggers slicing my skin
Erotically tearing me away from disappointment coming
Now all I can think of is you
Seared into my eyes
Even in my dreams, you are there



To The Point

I won't drag this out

We know each other
And I can't think of anything but you
Now I just want you
Till I die - always and beyond

You won't want me
Of course - I won't try to win you
Under this mangled mess I shall lie



My Broken Back

My spine snapped long ago
And I cannot move
And I cannot breathe
And I cannot feel

My spine is warped and twisted
And I cannot blink at night
And I cannot shift my thought
And all I do is lay here - head stuck in position static

My spine is weakened too much
And now I cannot bear it anymore
And now you come and visit
And now you plant a kiss on me

My spine incapacitated me
And now I am paralysed
And now I cannot talk
And you visit me everyday unaware

My spine is gone and I am tortured
And you warm touch heals my head
And now I want to tell you
And now I move to do so - and now I die

My spine made you unaware
My spine killed me
My spine will keep you in the dark around me
My spine never let me say it to you

Please stay with me a while
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