| February 9th 2002 I Can't Talk To You You make me stammer You make me quiver You make me trip and fall You cloud my judgement When I talk to you I come off arrogant I only mean it as a joke I am too shy to manipulate my actions effectively When I see you I just defrost for a moment Beneath my cold fa�ade I am really warm And I detest my outside life It is in my mind that I am myself You can never see this though As you I cannot talk to You are perfect in all that your are and do The reason is� �the reason is you are a girl Orally Fixated When I sat and wrote However long it took, I would As soon as I thought The pen would touch the paper Then I spread it around Have it seen far and wide Even if it was hated Horses charged across my mind Every step a thunder bolt to my brain Living up to criticism, even praise, isn't easy Living today just isn't easy enough Daily the youth struggle On and on recklessly searching Youth is what worries Over and over in their minds Upside down thoughts Mirror realities where everything is just a little better Erotically alluring to this device Another young mind wasted or spilled over No more left now Child's Scrawl Infants scribble without meaning Forgetting anything bad to happen with coloured flavour One in a million make it unscathed Never feeling though Living without scrawling Young and simple thoughts In a surround of twists and corners Choking on your own words now Only speaking it out will save you now Underdeveloped minds Languishing in self-pity and jealousy Do not come near me please Never screaming out for the answer Overtly quiet by mission This is how it always is Before you say anything Even one word However childish and simple Everyday is hard Remember that and this Everyday dies too The Wind The wind is ripping through the trees And I am here at midnight Writing this all out And listening to long-dead grunge Suicide is painless was my last thought But this is just a total lie I look around the room The compact disc has stopped And my writing is but a scrawl now A child's scrawl that never ends I cannot stop writing As this wind blows itself out Clattering is the sound of my biro Smudging its oil onto the reformed nature And all I can do is stop and watch me do this Repent for my past month or so of sorrow This is just how it ends sometimes I sit here, my hand in a cramp Hurriedly scribbling before I lose my mind Maybe this will help them determine For when I die one day No one will notice this portion of my being Except this notebook that I deface As the wind blows through the trees Sleep I want to sleep because Because my eyes are dying They're black and can't keep up With this elf-torture anymore I am still trying to work through this As I write I think what is wrong with me I am falling in love with girls who don't love me And that just fucks up your head This is just useless But it's therapy for me But it's keeping me awake Why do I have so much to write now? A year prior I was fine But it was all bottled Now it's all written And my eyes need the sleep My writing is scrappy My grammar is failing and weak I want to fall asleep now And for a long time after I am too tired of a lot of it And so I cannot, but do anyway, continue To finish this piece Now it's over and I can finally rest in peace I Fell Asleep To Nirvana Last night I fell asleep As the dead grunge played on Circling around my head I dropped in and out of consciousness The sound of battered men And battered instruments rattled around my room As I played Nirvana quietly By the end they were apologising It was a great night's sleep But I found it hard to fall asleep for a while So I laid there instead And just listened to Nirvana I was wasted Having not slept well during the week as usual And so my eyes opened and closed Staying closed for longer Until I finally Slowly Eventually Drifted off Don't Come Back You left me battered and bruised You scrambled my brain You messed me over badly and now I cannot think You made me slouch forever more So don't come back Don't enter my life again Don't think you can figure me out Just leave me alone and go about your own business This is just a short period maybe But I'll never want you back in my life So just vanish And never show your face here again I am much better without you I am happier without your face near me I am happier without your breath upon my neck I am happy with you gone Never come back again Like you did the last time I said to get out You cheating tramp You messed me up and you expect forgiveness At least people like you don't live long these days Because if they did I don't know how anyone could cope You are just jaded in my eyes I am jaded and so are you But I am stronger than you are And I want you to leave This time you will obey me and follow the dotted line Follow the line to loneliness Get out of my head and be gone It is hard now to forget How you chewed me so But one day I will forget And then you'll just be spent meat on the kitchen counter Waiting to be thrown away Another reject My Worn Blue Knuckles I cracked them for two years running And now they're blue And now they're sore And now they're stiff I cracked them with vigor And now they're broken and jaded And now they're unable to move And now I am unable to fight you off I cracked them when I was bored And now they're always snapping of their own And now they're battered And now they're always aching I cracked them when I was speaking to you And it annoyed you so And it made you wretch And the sound drove you mad I cracked them when I thought And I always came to askew decisions And now my fingers point at angles And now I cannot point out my mistakes I cracked them until the cartilage was dead And now they're wailing out in pain And now I can't even defend myself from you And now I am stranded with this I cracked them until I was inflicted And now I am sorry And now I am creeping around at night And now I am listening to myself breathe I cracked them until they changed colour And now they're not mind And now they're never going to heal And now they're twisted and cruel I cracked them as I thought it was fun to impress And now I know I was wrong And now I cannot stop And now my hands have ceased to be |