| 1.11.2002 Hole In The Head I could see you clear In fizzing glow of TV screen Not a sigh, not a tear Not what I once had seen You never made it open You never batted an eyelid But I knew you had sorrow � I was open And I caused pain � I did For months it went on � I�m sorry And then one day it was gone You were free of all the worry I made it seem I moved on Your mind is clear of it all But mine still drowns in you I just wish you�d call So I could let go � say I don�t know what to do But we�d be ruined and dead Heartless and faded � hung out to dry But only I should keep this hole in the head So you�d not notice when I die First Kiss To gaze at the stars Is what I want to do That and sit next to you I dreamt it so clear Side by side we were free Whilst my heart trembled with glee You were beside me And you took my hand so softly As you brushed my hair so lightly Our eyes dropped from stars to meet So the moment would stop And the emotion would never drop Our lips were to join us Time to remain ceased And this love never decreased But this remains my dream And you are still in the dark of it all While I continue to sit alone on this wall ** This is how I dream my first kiss to be, but as yet, the story remains fiction ** ** �And what was my crime? � I said �I love you�� ** Shredder Terrified to leave � to go Fade away from those I call friend From all I�ve seen up to this end From those I love Who I don�t even know I wish I could cry � but that�s not all To gain release from this pain But I cannot make a single drop rain My eyes remain dry and cracked While my heart remains a waterfall I say I�m over it and her I�ve walked past it and I am fine But she�s still in my head to shine And it�s killing me Killing me to think of her I try to find her flaws Something I hate So I can force myself to find a different fate A fate where I did not love But I come up with empty claws So I had lied, my back against the wall Why did I do it? I should be dead for this shit So I keep this locked away She cannot know or I will fall I try to verbalise this aching pain But it stops at �hi� amidst the din And then my chest folds painfully in And I cannot breathe Head throbbing and going insane If I say that this still goes on I will hurt her, I know I will If I did � it would surely kill How could I lie to her? Deceived her so � where have I gone? I wanted to fall back to zero you see Before it all began Return to where she can Speak easy and feel afloat Where the air was clear and I was free Help me drain this feeling tonight From my veins, suck it out But the needle breaks off and I shout That I am stuck with this inside All day and all night I wanted her to feel at ease, that�s all When I was there Then maybe I could breathe fresh air I could forget all I�d said and done And rip it out once and for all If she had any worry, felt sore I wished to free her from that today I just want her to be okay And keep this to myself So I cannot infect anymore Why does it all go wrong? Why can�t I make it disappear? I want to repair it � kill the fear Fix everything and tie it all down Sort it out � what I�ve wanted for so long But no matter how hard I try It rips me apart Shred by shred to my heart Dissolving me And burning me till outloud I cry I want it do die and go away I�d rather feel nothing Every time I feel something Pain and sorrow are inflicted So I should just throw myself away But I just lie here in my bed Staring at the blackened wall Deep into the abyss I fall And slowly, slowly I end up dead Dream One I awake amidst A thriving, bustling party Laughs and smiles surround me But I remain still-faced My confusion overwhelms my head The lights begin to dim And the music fades away The doors crash open And out we stumble Flooding into cool summer night Ahead lies road so dark So black it swallows I walk towards it nervous Then sink into it with fear I am walking blind along this road Feeling hands clamber around Swooping through the chill that grows My eyes close and I feel my way around Before the sun explodes ahead And I am standing surrounded A desolate heaven�s gate Through which the other�s pass But as I am left The gate begins to fall And I run, dragging feet behind Then I dive onto the floor And I slide on my back Watching the rusted gates close And all of a sudden She leaps and lies on top of me I still slide on And she grips tight To me, the knight in shining armour Saves her life Just before�I wake Dream Two A quiet walk Our small group Heading deeper and deeper Into the woods That grows so cold Soon, the sun dies black The surround turns blue A chill in the air We take a break And she fades into the trees The tired breathing Disappears however � and I am alone I panic, but only her Is what enters my head So I disappear into the undergrowth I search and search My worry multiplies Spreads in me like a cancer But a rocky clearing Reveals her to me There she stands innocent Vulnerable and smiling I step and hold her cold body Doing my best to keep her warm As she lies back against a rock Times slows and then Then it pounds faster Forcing us together As her face melts away And her hands turn doll-like Fastened deep in embrace I become smothered As a pain grows across my back Her fingers sprouting blades Which shred my skin I bleed and scream for mercy But we remain locked As my skin is shredded Her face blank as a sheet Mine stricken with horror�as I wake Dream Three A serene country setting A quiet summer�s day A sleepy pair Walking through the fields A resting stop A place to talk A door which opens Torrents of tragic feeling spill out The boy weakens and lets go Worry gone � he�s finally revealed His inner most self All in person for first time Never heard, never felt Never loved, never kissed His case unfolds And girl takes him by the hand As they sit upon the wall Rustling leaves cease � a gentle hum left behind Time stood still briefly And then their lips meet For hours on end The moment lasts Blood rushes through his veins Awe-bound mime does follow And like before This first girl fades Leaves him all alone A brief encounter forevermore As the sunny yellow Turns to weeping blue The river rises quickly And my feet soak before�I wake Adrift In You In your arms Is where I wish to be Hearing your gentle voice Is what I wish to hear Watching your deep eyes Is what I want to see Your soft hands on my head Is what I want to feel As I sleep, my head on your lap You stroke my hair And I smile, as do you in turn Your slow breathing Hypnotic � it makes me drift away And I dream And you are there By my side and in my arms Sat alone on balmy beach We relish every second Together with you � I am happy I am complete with you You saved me like an angel You reversed my doom-filled fate But then I cry As I wake And I see once more That it was all a dream |