| July 29th 2002 Alive But Dead Hands crawling across grease-stricken walls Stumbled steps disrupt the natural hum Behind barrage of booming calls Distant from it all walks this someone Face sunken and deeply rotten The bones crack and grind away As the eyes turn to cotton And the mind was long led astray Black death pumps through the veins Through deadened heart But bypasses life which stays under strain While pupils dilate to point of a dart Creeping from room to room In underground abattoir of diseases This creature has no purpose but doom Alone, cold and dead - he will do as he pleases Young And Ending Hollow, weak and crumbling A dark and empty shell Of a lonely figure stumbling Mixed up in their own personal hell Walking by obscured mirrors Destroying the face whom looks back The past solid identity is now just shimmers Unresponsive, fading fast - falling into black Wishing to just disappear Vanish and live forever nowhere Instead of the same old place - the same old here Why can't they get there? To get out would be a dream To escape alive is a never But even exit by death is better than the endless scream That is the way - the way forever Love, Reject, Die, Repeat Your voice is still sunken into me Your laugh is ever present It's all a distant memory Of an always horrid dream Your face is what stares back Your eyes break the mirror It's all a big mistake Of an always messed up life Your presence echoes at night Your softness stays alive when I die It's all an ending before another start Of an always murderous game Your pain pounds at me Your tender smile fading away It's all a recurring nightmare Of an always horrifying experience Your face remolds and is reworked Your person changes but stays It's all to start yet again and go on Of an always repeating spin-cycle The Lasting First Moment Sudden shock runs across you Your eyes burst open wide A tide sweeps over you And you are left gasping Fireworks and cartoon steam erupt As Acme sound and visual effects reign Life imitates art for a moment But for a moment that'll last forever A beauty of mythology stature A striking beam of glory Unimaginably jaw-dropping She's something you've never seen before This incredible face keeps repeating Passing you by over and over with joy As if her face was painted On meandering freight train of miles long A soft breeze rushes through your hair Like smooth fingers of someone Someone who understands you Someone you can finally fall to your knees because of On your knees you tremble Is this a dream? When will I wake? But you never do and she keeps smiling Then the lasting happiness knows no bounds It's so beautiful it's indescribable Purely Happy The pain, the sorrow The crushing agony The sheer terror and embarrassment All fade and vanish The stumbling feeling The awkward love unrequited The hardest chapter All are concluded and stored away Another face from out of the mist A new and incredible person Another reason to keep going She emerges and brings you happiness You're understood - she listens You're felt deep - she speaks She opens up to you - you discover She smiles - you could die - it couldn't get better You've been locked inside your head Your dull brand razor existence And now you're blinded and relaxing This sudden image eases you and now you see You understand and so does she You think and she thinks the same All that you've endured goes away You've never been so refueled Pure happiness blasts through you I Know You I feel your pain and your glee And you feel mine You understand me And I let you shine We speak in volumes Without speaking at all Sharing same of the teenage dooms It is you and I who survive the wall You are so beautiful � to me, to all But I am so ugly � I hate it Then when you enter my mind � I struggle no more And my skies you have lit It�s intense � we�re so like kindred souls � just two And when I�m with you it�s glory I know you deep, yet you�re still new What does the end hold? What will be the story? Smiling In Summer You take me softly by the hand On a cool and breezy summer day Amidst a field of soft blues And shimmering yellows We walk hand in hand Our hair rustling as the air rushes through Like fingers brushing gently by The sun beaming all around Darkened woods to left and right But clear path lies ahead Dangers lurk in the back scenes But we walk without a care I breathe in slowly And you do so out Our heads ease off As our shoulders are free Previous weights all gone We can now stand up We can walk in confidence We can walk together Before You Stands The Teenage The teenage is a clich� You hate the girls as a child Then you love the girls when you grow older Then you cry And finally you�re trapped For several years one must endure it But some, in just the latter two years Condensed pain and sorrow To the point of death wish Waiting for the first girl � first kiss The latter was, or is, my way The caverns of agony run deep Deep inside my head I wish I could cry To gain release If I could cry I could just Let the pain drain out But my eyes are so dry That they just fall out And this is me This is trapped and feeling alone This is heartaches and torment Self-hatred, sorrow and unspent tears The teenage stands before us all **I wrote this when I had not slept for 37 hours. At this stage I was beginning to lose my focus in my vision, my head was swirling and I was slowly beginning to hallucinate. When your mind is most susceptible so it seems, the pain flows out. The day before I was on cloud nine, then I fell. This is, of course, the up and down ride of the teenage to adult years** |