| 28th June 2002 When I Feel Everytime I try to feel I stir up the silt from below And my waters are muddy again I wrap my fingers around my head And scream out loud As the rush hits me full-force Everytime I try to feel I cannot speak, only write so I can show What I crumble over time and time again I shiver in my cold hear and I feel so dead My hope sinks and I dive far from the highest cloud All I seem to find and feel is that decaying force Everytime I try to feel I weaken and my writing dies away And I am searching yet again I'm too tired of it all to think I should go on She's never around the corner - I'll never see the day And I'm left rotting where I fell - all over again Love = Sorrow To love you is to be sorry My feelings are stupid I forced myself into your world To love you is to feel shame For all the pain I caused you When I finally spoke To love you is to punish myself My weak, ugly and untrained self A model of the species' failure To love you is my poison I've infected you with it And nearly killed you in bad feeling Why did I say it? Why did I feel it? Why couldn't I subdue it? Why? Love Note It's been so long Since it came into my mind I've tried to end the feeling Before it got too deep But I'm a failure If only I could speak of it in person My stomach though Turns to bloody knots And my head throbs Making me feel sick I'm making you scared no doubt I am deeply sorry If only I could have said these things in person It must be said now, tonight Before my head explodes I've inflicted it on you But you're so amazing I love you But I cannot feel this As it will not go anywhere except to pain Please don't feel sad Because of me - these words Please ignore me Because why would you want me? Why must I hurt you like this? I tried to deny it I tried to equate it I tried to dissolve it I tried to make it fiction But I always ended up here Can I explain why I have fallen? To me you are perfect Please don't change You encompass all All that's right I'm mangling my words no doubt But I've just been struck Struck by you so suddenly By you You and all that you are Through these words I have lost you I wish I'd kept it locked away But I could not These last days drove me so insane That I could not sleep What do I do? Please tell me Sorry I could not handle it I could not keep it under wraps I could not find someone else Sorry **"She makes me feel like it's raining outside" /// "I'll never forget tonight" - Blink182*** That Essential Feeling It's when you drift high above the clouds When you dance around free of shrouds That unmistakable vibe It's when you drown in self-worth When you're not standing without worth That unmistakable sensation It's when your skin crawls alive When your feeling's truth no longer hides in the hive That unmistakable feeling It's when everything goes quiet and calm When you feel safe and warm - away from all harm That unmistakable breath of air It's when she smiles at you When she sees you and all that you do That unmistakable emotion It's when she gently touches your shoulder When your passion erupts - you just want to hold her That unmistakable elevation It's when she's there When all you can do is love and care That unmistakable, all consuming - love But Aren't They Destined? You're both one and the same You both like the same movies The same music You both love and hate the same things You're both wildly original The same witty outlook consumes you both You're both kind, sensitive, loving and smart You both speak the same things together The friendship is mutually strong You've both got deep caverns You both suffer the same problems The pain disappears when you both comfort You love her - would die for her She's your friend - the deepest feeling isn't mutual The ending is never what you might think |