| June 14th 2002 Girls On Mars I know they are out there But I don't see them I don't know why I just miss out The opposite sex Another species Inexperienced in their customs I am somewhat out of sync Why can't I just fit in? I think it's time That I should leave Leave my zero gravity Drift away I've gotten nowhere And that's only what lies ahead So I'll just remain alone And cold like Pluto Feeling Sick Please take me away Cut me down And release me from it all She's unstoppable Her massacre of my mind It's all senseless And I am the one strung up Left to die I still love her and I cry But she's locked in a cell Deep within me - will she escape? I keep thinking so But hoping not - please - no more hell The pain I gained By finding her Was almost too much to bear But if a second time came It'd all be over then and there Gone **Lovesick and worried - am I getting over her yet? But she's so special.** Demise I'm kicking And screaming Please hear me from deep Deep down here asleep Veiled in crimson silk Bathing in milk She's surrounding in beauty As I ache and pain Crushed under it all Holding onto the wall So I do not fall Down into the mud Where I will surely choke Gasp, gargle and drown A slow demise under darkness As rain soaks my tattered clothes While restrained Until my writing ceases I am examined And proclaimed deceased Eclipsed I feel shut out Left in cold, dark and rainy room Where I shout But remain unheard I do not fit their bill Their drunken ways And strangled days Where their voices turn so shrill So I am excluded Forgotten and left out Isolated, I have become concluded My use over - been kicked out I rot alone and that's it Nobody cares I am here Even though they put me here Now they laugh at my ways Forgetting all their pointless shit Cliched little boy I don't fit in With my mere associates I am their toy Oh what a joy As they consider me Their unprompted sin While they suck on the gin And all the others While I am wrapped under covers Dust sheeted and let down Deflated and contorted I don't fit in the frame They see me and feel shame I am to blame But I'm just being me And I feel so isolated Orchestrated **When will I be accepted by my peers as who I am?** # 1 Do I still love you? Or are you just my friend? It's hard to tell When you just can't comprehend Of all I've said And of all I've done Was it useful? Or was I your roulette gun? We're so much alike Or can fathom our differences But where was that spark? It never lit - brought me grievances We can talk so freely now It's been so many months gone Since I told you I loved you Is the light dying? The light that shone. Too Blind To See Tomorrow It won't go away The feeling won't leave me alone It won't die for even a day It's endless Never to break down like me As I was left defenseless Against the force I could not guard The attack proceeded in waves Building up, making it so hard To survive a day with her absent Was a miracle - release But her image came back - heaven sent I crackled with the heat But again it all went wrong And now I'm just chopped meat Bullet-Taker I left another note All to myself To remind me of how The feeling is evermore It keeps on growing And it keeps showing How I'm hopelessly drowning As I'm struck by lightening I never did quite understand What the feeling was But it soon became common And now I'm talking to myself No one quite understood What she meant to me And how I devoted myself to her I would have taken a bullet Heavy is the weight on my shoulders now As I cannot show her how I can't forget her - in front of her I bow But unfulfilled is how it will be forever and now Showing no signs of abating I am left here waiting For the next girl to come along And break me in two Because of what I do The way it all goes wrong And never gives up I will always cloud the issue Never Never Land I will never make it through As I continue to do what I do I will never see the end As I cannot comprehend I will never feel the weight lifted As the issue I have shifted I will never sort it out As I just scream and shout I will never get past it all As my route sits obstructed by the wall I will never be at one As all there is, is what I've done I will never breathe relief As my words are mere mischief I will never find whom I seek As I'm dented and never sleek I will never impress As I always digress I will never pull apart all that's dead As I remain unable to sort out my head I will never find the one I dream of - the end First Love Recurring More and more I think Of how that first time First experience of that feeling Means so much to me Everyday I think of it and her And everyday I feel How deep the caverns went And to my dismay - still grow Going on like this Is like stabbing me in the heart Pulling away my freedom Claustrophobically contained in here All this does is make it worse Or gives me doubt Because I can't get past it I can't help but be blinded Now where do I go? A nice white room And remain clinically sparse? Where's the end? Do you ever get over your first love? **Or does the feeling keep kicking you over and over?** Another Boring Story Another boring guy In his screwing up world Where guess what? - Nobody understands him Another boring person Trapped within himself all alone Never truly known by anyone Another boring feeling As he first finds the depth And then a second time - but even worse Another boring basket case Jittery when he talks Biting his nails with widened eyes Another boring story Where he fails to get the girl Or grow up on time or in conformity Another boring ending With no end of third act kiss No ending at all to this boring auto-biography Meat Locker The salty smell of dry blood Singes tears into the eyes Of white-drenched men As their muscles ache, fingers near arthritis The sounds of damp flesh floods Into their ears - why don't you try it on for size? Per minute, slouched on hooks, they slice ten While the lone wanderer whispers genesis A lonely employee trapped in the cold His worn and weary skin clad in orange rubber lining His face obscured by splattered mask The past lurks behind him - behind the bodies But in the meat locker the news is old Like a tainted soul, the ground is never shining And this grieving figure continues his task As spotlights highlight, amidst gloom, the nobodies The days crawl on and on And the nights just linger forever The deafening ring of machinery A false goodbye smile ends the shift And into the ether the man is gone Will he return to this place? Never As the horrors of his life imagery Force him to disband - he is set to drift Leaving You Behind How can I leave you behind? Break away from you Snapped away as if from a cradle We're being torn apart But I've only just found you I've only just loved you I cannot let you go If I do I'll just drop down and die You give me strength to keep breathing You make me smile when I think of you You stay with me always If I lose you as I certainly will I'll be lost - never to be found I'd be a child drifted from mother The end of our time is nigh But I cannot accept this fate To live without you is not to live In my world all I can picture Are you and me And I'd serve your every wish To the end of time To the end of the earth Forever and always I love you **At least I was lucky enough to know her even if it will only amount to a mere slice of our lives, to me though, it's been all I know.** |