| 1st June 2002 The One I need to feel you Lying next to me Sleeping quietly, feeling absolute safety Knowing I love you And all that you do I need to see you First thing when I wake up And last thing before I sleep I need to hold you So tightly yet so softly As I don't want to lose you I will always stay gently At your side forever I need to hear you To keep me living As you are my life, my love, my everything **If I had found the one - this is how I'd feel right now** Hiding It Walking around As if you had not a care Seeming fine and rosy Living a life so warm and cozy But dig deeper if you dare And wait to hear the sound The sound of screams Wailing voices - minds in torture Waterfalls of tears drowning you But what can you do? You try to help - patch me up sure But a final fix is something of my dreams I let the tide roll out And the truth flood in Your sorrow grows for me You keep helping, you'll never "let me be" You keep at me to not sin By feeling down, so I shout Let it out - you help me - but it's not over Claustrophobic In Training The same routine The same walls The same calls The same constricting halls The only place I've been Familiarity no, clarity yes Where to go What I know What I even show All the same - did you guess? Originality is hard When trapped alone So cold even at home There's nothing new to be shown Or am I living just a memory shard? Left Wide Open I feel drunk, I feel stupid I feel I violated her By telling of my dreams Of stroking her hair But now does she even care? As I suffer and struggle Where is she? And what is she thinking? Is it about me? How I've pained her Or about how I pained myself? Will it be over? Can I exit this feeling? So I can walk upright Instead of crawling amidst looming caverns Can I go? Or do I have to stay? If I can go - please make it today **Getting over it - but I wish It would hurry** Care Bridge the gap Or give me the map So I may walk on Let it lie Or make it die So I may keep breathing Keep it, let it be Or please talk to me So I can tackle it one last time Help me be myself Or help yourself So someone can feel better Stay away Or come over today So we can laugh Just don't forget me Kids Don't Know The kids are having fun But they don't know What you'll feel When she says no They run around They laugh, they play But they don't feel What it's like when one face Occupies you all day Their worries are slight But try as they might Being young and innocent is better As they have never seen the sight Of a young man buckle Well up - but force himself not to cry Struggling to keep his eyes dry All because of one girl The kids are all right - for now Vice When the light is slight Beside my bed Illuminating that drawer Try as I might I always reach in there And write just to share As the orange glow flickers My face bickers With all my fantasies With all my ways And sorrows spread throughout the days I've got nowhere to go Because I can't show How I feel to a single face Not one face So I am stuck - writing Of my life so frightening But only to me Why won't the fear let me be? Outside Outside I am cold I am stranded and alone And I don't know where to go Or what to do Outside I am to be sold I am to be shown What line I should tow Always kept away from you As the rain begins to fall It freezes to stone And impales me to the floor My bloody tears stain It continues until the call Then I am to be left alone Again - I am locked behind the door My efforts to escape merely swell the frame I am lost Searching for a way in A way to the warmth inside A way to find myself But it will cost All my soul - I will be given sin But never to be cast aside But I can't help but be myself So I am still outside **I'm not much like the majority, I kinda like it now, somewhat proud of it. For the profession I wish to break into, I suppose it's good to be different anyway! But I don't mind that much - I'm the one on the outside looking in, but I have enough out with me to not yearn to be with the dull brained insider clique.** We're Both Down You're hurting Feeling like I do My dear friend How can I help? What can I do? And what can I say? To brighten up your day But I know I can't say one thing To make you go Let you leave your painful something Because I've been at your end And you couldn't help me All we can be Is just there for each other Or we'll be forced to run for cover Decay Walls of concrete jungle close in As I dump my feelings in the bin So I can walk cold Calm and collected But unfeeling and old Brick-like flaking finger tips And aching hips Adorn my urban decayed frame Rotting wood surface What a shame Acid rain burns me Rolling into my eyes - I cannot see So I scream and yell But I am in the crowd If I want help - how could they tell? So I wander broken city veins And ride along slowly beating trains Before I take a break To sit down and cry My walled up me continues to shake And there I stay Where I get carried away Get lost amidst it all Nobody sees me anymore As I'm surrounded by my own little wall Scarred Sitting atop my rock Trying to absorb the shock Of the way I think I may be getting over her But will she leave my mind? Her face so beautiful - eyes so kind I hope I remember her Even past the day I die Because she's so special to me I wish I could show her - make her see How wonderful she is But to my on going dismay I'm not the one Only Kiss The party was thriving Our hearts pumping and driving The atmosphere thick And the music rhythmic Even as glass broke And siblings grabbed each other to choke But amidst all this Came that fleeting kiss A mere peck on the neck But forever I will remember it The shock a number one hit That greeting kiss from you Made something grow - I didn�t know what to do As it left me to love you It left me to sorrow and pain But for one moment I was part of your glorious chain **Closet thing to a real first kiss** |