| February 8th 2002 Social Fuck Up Sitting alone amongst your worn records And dog eared magazines The articles read many times before You're a social fuck up and nothing more Chewing on day old toast And sipping stale coffee The flies buzz around your rotting flesh Double-edged suicide is your only way out of your social fuck up Heavy sugared cereal Dry and crisp, rattles into the dusty bowl you hold Gripping in your withered oak hands Skeletal renaissance is all that remains - you fucked up Many weeks ago you could have moved But being a fuck up you couldn't Lying alone and watching people pass by behind the screen They don't talk to social fuck-ups like you You hate yourself and you swear others comply But how could they? You haven't left your room for so long You might as well be dead - you've fucked up long ago You cannot talk to people face to face Just on machines in shortened slang It you met someone in life You wouldn't know what to do You are plainly and simply a social fuck up They cannot lie, as there is only one truth You fucked up bad this time There isn't any going back You're stranded Locked Up I stand here Locked and bound up like a rabid animal I can't escape my head And I can't escape my love for you You have trapped me and locked me up for life I struggle against the restraints That you have so tightly wrapped around my body As I wriggle I cut myself And then I begin to bleed The thick canvas of the belt around my chest digs in deeper Puncturing my rib cage And attacking my lungs Your scent trickles into my breath And I can't help but live off you My wrists are red and raw The blood from my veins is flowing easy now And the white sheets are now stained My blood seeps onto them And soaks onto my skin I am stained and tainted by my own blood For you have torn, ripped and soiled me And now all I can do is wait until you come and visit me again To tie those straps around my body tighter Maybe next time you'll get me to give up Give up and cry Cry for forgiveness Cry for myself Cry for freedom For you have locked me up and I can't get free Long Time Alive I have been living Living like a normal human being But since it came to pass I know that I have been living too long I cannot escape my life Suicide is painless But it really is not The only comfort I could seek from it would be the end But the end would be false It would not be real It would not be my time And I would be fake Life is painful I cannot go on and I do not want to breathe in once more I want to cut off my heart From the supply that flows forever encircling my squalid form I have been glancing at those razors for some time now But everytime I look They always seem further away And I look to the mirror for guidance But all I get is the opposite I see me in a good life and not living here It is of no use It only tortures me further I leapt from my second story window one night Hoping the fall would end my suffering But it merely added to it And now I can feel even more pain and less humanity As I laid there on the putrid ground And as I spat out my teeth And as my blood stained my surround I knew I would never escape this personal hell Your Eyes You stare at me all day Opposite my huddled form you laugh Underneath my blanket I can still hear you Reading my every move you examine me and rape me of all freedom Everyday you did this Yet everyday I set myself up for it Everyday you sat quietly and tormented me So that I could never speak Again this morning you invaded me Ripping at my thoughts Everyday it gets worse and I cannot fight it anymore Kicking and screaming I lay awake at night In retrospect I should have just ended it all Long ago when the pain would have been slight Long, long ago when the impact would have not been in sight Inner fury is all I have now for you Never will I adjust to your stare Gripping me as if I was your puppet Murder me now, please Euthanasia is only a small plea Don't Tread On Me For so long now I have hated you But you still retain the entourage Who really don't care about you or anything else They're just there and you keep clinging on You insulted me for the last time today So I took you down from your soapbox Smashed it in pieces And carved your impertinent face As I thought you might You wept like a little child You're weak and pathetic What the hell is wrong with you? Act like a man already Don't tread on me For your jealousy is extreme And is just another annoyance to seep from you Insulting me is what you do best As everything else is your failure Nobody wants you And I am the last person to bend over backwards for you So why don't you walk away And leave this place, this life, this earth And find a better living underground About six feet should do it |