| 13th May Now That She Knows Now that I've told her Where do I go? At least keeping it secret left me in the know That way what came next was just agony I knew But now it's been said She was flattered, somewhat lost though She didn't know, like me, from here, what to say and where to go So we're both lost But do I feel better for having said it? I don't think so - I'll just stay quiet where I sit Maybe if I drift away it'll be forgotten But I don't want to lose her completely She's a great friend Always with an ear to lend We've got to keep talking When I could easily be walking I just wish I knew the answers - what to do And how not to feel so rotten Just Like The Others He stood in the dark for months on end His mind would never be on the mend So what was troubling him so? It was her - the perfect girl - all he wanted The power of emotion for her left him daunted So how did he cope with it? He bottled it up and shivered in the cold Not spilling it to her - had his soul been sold? So what happened next? He found the courage to tell his closest friends in full detail And he shared his problems, grabbed them by the tail Then how did it get on? One day he said it finally in writing "I love you" I'm Not Like You I'm not like you I can't talk to your face to say something meaningful All I can do is joke around with you - that's all I pretty much do I'm not like you I eat the same meal everyday Food never excited me, unlike you I'm not like you I don't operate within the norm Why are there no others who act like me too? I'm not like you I'm not pretty And I can't bring my real person out in the open for people to see You'll never see what I am and what I want to be I'm not like you I don't know why I'm just not But for one thing For all my oddball ways, all my bizarre ways of acting I'm proud of them They make me who I am - me Woodland Walk We all go walking hand in hand Stepping one foot in front of the other across the land Making our way along the winding path adorned in rotting leaves It's so scary, my chest like yours, heaves The trees overhead are baron of life and hang remorsefully They've been the distance already and now linger only morbidly The soil underfoot is moist and becomes adhered To our shoes and our souls - just as we'd feared We�re all tarnished now And we cannot see how We just came here expecting wondrous yellow brick roads of gold But now our souls have been sold Wicked witches cackle in the distance, long forgotten As shadowy figures barge through us, they smell so rotten Our fingertips become wrinkled and rough This walk is a hardening experience, it's tough If I drop down dead before I reach the other side Please keep going without me, don't hide But if you fall I'd probably break down and crawl The birds and the animals are all dead Their claws outstretched and pointing at my bloody head I've ran aground and cracked my flesh I'm now just a quivering, loose mesh As the sun fades away to black And the moon rises high and proud like some used Hollywood hack I slowly drift away in your arms And now into the ether I slip away, off to where nothing else harms That Girl For so long I never saw her Then out of the blue she was there In just a short moment I fell in love with her, but would she car? In every sense she is perfect Fitting the bill exactly as I have thought Her beauty astounds me Her intelligence is stimulating Her wit and humour lightens my heart Her kindest nature is so warm When I think about her She is everything, and this is constantly throughout When I told her she didn't freak out Yet I'm making it awkward when I see her I wish I hadn't stumbled across this But I'm glad I did too To feel joyous wonder But then crushing pain simultaneously Is something impossible Yet it's happening to me What Do I Do? When you're so stressed Your fingers swell and burst When you're screaming out loud Nobody hears you Then time ticks even slower And then you're being sucked down When you're do depressed You cannot breathe - needed choking ribcage cracked When you feel so terrible You cower and wish to break down and cry all night Then you realise you're incapable And you feel the agony shake up your head When you wish she were yours You day dream and sleep all night to her image When you can't stop thinking of her You're trapped inside it all Then you just cripple, cry, dissolve, and destroy yourself And you feel like you'd rather be dead Do Me In Please kill me now To take away the suffering, the enduring agony Just do as I say for once, I don't care how Help me out here for the love of God I can't go on struggling through this Being bound, gagged and choking I can't operate myself anymore, just hearing a dull hiss I wish I was dead But you don't grant me my wish Because I keep changing my skeptical yet superstitious mind Tear me down from the wall And lay me down for all to gaze their eyes on me So they may bury me reluctantly as I walk down the hall Then I'll never feel this crushing pain again And you all can go about living At The Video Store At the video store Your face hit me like a bullet When you came in through the door And as you walked by You looked at me knowing And gave a little sigh When I told you - you went quiet And you said it wouldn't get weird But it has and my pain roars like a riot So when we reached the check out And my hand nudged yours We both screamed to just shout Then you left and I was standing Crying into my hands, I fell to the floor Why do I always collapse on the landing? So there I stood feeling stupid Never held, never kissed, never coupled Never to be friends with cupid She She's the one that I see most Yet experience least Her image a feast for my mind But I'm never near her When I'm around her And when I'm not I feel so great, thinking of her or seeing her But then comes the crushing pain I'm left to my own devices Nobody can do anything to help me out So I'm just stuck, losing you I really messed it all up When I drove home in the rain tonight The wipers hypnotised me And once again I was thinking of you Even as the flashing lights blinded I need a 'little patience' But I don't know if it's possible I think I'll just crawl on bloody hands And embed gravel deep into my knees The Fear Of It What do you do? When you can't get her out of your head Do you say nothing? Or wait forever and mess it all up? What do you do? When you see her when you close your eyes Do you cry to blur her away? Or slice eyelids off with razor? What do you do? When the pounding pain becomes too much Do you grin and bear it? Or plunge that waiting knife down? What do you do? When it's all over Do you fight? Or do you give up, because then no pain will follow? ABZ Too tired to go on Feeling too much sorrow Too much pain, agony and suffering You just want to blow yourself away You can't focus on exam finals coming You know it's not going to be good And you'll regret it for so long, long, long Your weary eyes drooped and black You feel constricted by this power The density of your love knows no bounds But all it does is induce torture And now you can't see her Is it a good thing? Is it bad? It's both and that's terror summarised Nothing is straightforward Only A to B via Z Dehydrated Swirling I don't remember What it's like to not love someone And live untroubled I can't see rhyme nor reason For torture brought about by love Is this why everyone fights? Can you hear the shrieking? Boa Constrictor around your head Suffocated by fate Failed again and crying alone All alone, alone, alone Untouched in my sealed box This is my biggest yearn To be with her But it'll never happen, why can't I learn? Will it end? Simply put - NO It will crawl until I die Hate Filled Falling through the ground Getting choked by all the dirt I've been caught speeding Falling so fast, I've been trapped All because I'm inept, useless and finished When will the end be nigh? Not tonight This is Mardi Gras tearing out my heart And I'm centred in their festival Because after all, I'm just their play thing When things go down bad And I feel my breath short Eyes blurred And ribs piercing my flesh I realise it's been induced But by what sick person? Wish Leave me be And let me rot Leave me abandoned In this cot Let me stumble And let me fall Let me cry Scraped across this wall Strap me up And strap me down Strap me to the operating table Making you laugh like I'm a clown Bleed me now And bleed me dry Bleed me quick And watch me fall and hear my final sigh Dream Girl You feel she's the one for you Everything you'd want Everything you'd need And then you discover she doesn't feel for you All you want is she alone Hold her hand and embrace her softly Make her feel so good when times are bad This one request - all you've known When things get awkward and rusty You crumble down and hide away Maybe if you disappear you'll be forgotten Let your corpse become so dusty You want this to be a fairy tale Yet you know that's impossible It'd just be fiction anyway All you want is her - for you both to set sail Automatic Sadness You can't go on Even when you're dead You'll still be rotting alive And then you'll scratch your coffin lid From inside Your face stricken and burning As your family weep around your plot And slowly they'll disperse And then you're all alone in the rain When you stumble out Your palms grow weak And the sickness will spread All throughout your body And all that'd be left Is this note scribbled so quickly So leave now Let him be alone Let him rot away as he so wishes And then maybe he'll be okay But even then It'll be all too late **Based on the idea of "Automatic Writing" used by early 20th Century Surrealists whereby you write immediately what you think or feel, no conscious thought goes into the words as you write them out - it's all subconscious** Automatic 2 I will live I will die I will become the everlasting To suck your soul Straight from your beastly heart You plague You rash of evil calculating devil sent Feel the terror The astounding agony I will rain on you Then feel your eyes writhe And I whisk you up And smash you down Then you will know Just whose best And whose going to run things now Then you'll take me seriously Then you'll obey me Follow me Step in my shadow And breathe in MY essence I will lead You will follow I will be happy soon And you'll be under me so deep down |