| May 2nd 2002 Time's Almost Up The term, year and career is nearly over Our time at high school is short I see you each day so I run for cover I love you so much - but I'm not that sort I'm not who you'd want that way I don't blame you I wish I could tell you how I felt - would it be okay? I wish you'd love me too Why must I mess things up like this? Act like a shy little boy around you I'm so quiet around girls - I've never had a kiss! The closest was on the neck at a party, from you That drove me wild It wasn't much I know, but you're such a dream Can you see past my exterior of a child? Underneath, all is not as it may seem I must tell you or die Time is almost up But instead I swallow my feelings and sigh I could tell you, if you only asked "what's up?" The Profound Effect I I cower I cannot function I'm weak around you You make me feel great Yet I also feel deep pain You are so wonderful, beautiful and sweet Your effect on me is profoundly crushing, smashing How do you do it? How is it possible? I could love you for the rest of my life I feel so warm near you and happy to see you So why can I not say a word? Will you forgive me? The Jerk He's a jerk I know it And all my friend's know it So why can you few girls not know it? I know why It's because he's got two skins He sheds one for you The asshole skin he carries for real Underneath he has another look That of someone kinder and more in touch But all he wants - to be perfectly frank - is to get inside your pants That is his only motive The ugly, stupid and disgusting jerk who walks among us He talks about everyone behind their back He suspects them all And he's surprised why nobody likes him! The attention seeking little shit that he is Why do you girls even bother with him? Give him the time of day Why do you do this? Why don't you open your eyes and see what he really is? Why don't you come and join the real men, the real gentlemen who know chivalry is alive and well - that you aren't objects They may be those like me, I don't want to blow my own horn, but it's true That jerk disgusts me, how can he be so two faced and deceptive in front of you? He's sucking you into his trap I worry for you girls who are targeted by him I wouldn't go as far as pitying him - I just feel sorry for those around him He's just a jerk and that's all Come and join us other guys and girls, all those who like you because you're all fantastic people Not because we want to dupe you into bed Or because we're attention seeking weirdo's And not because we're uneven people needing others to cling to or wipe our troubles onto We just want you as we like you You girls under this jerk's target are nice, sweet, beautiful and smart Why do you bother with him? Once you find out what he's like Then you'll realise What we've been trying to tell you for so long I just hope none of you get hurt, as I wouldn't be able to forgive myself for letting it happen Please just listen to me and this plea Epic Struggle of The Post Modern Christ Caught in the thick of it all Pulling on the chains Attached to my wrists and that concrete wall My body - suffering so many pains I cannot speak - tongue swallowed To hide my screams from sane ears Now my eyes are hollowed They will never know my fears It always rains on my head The blood from barbed wire crown flooding My neck as stiff as lead As everyone else is hugging My face is battered and crooked Always pelted with sticks and stones They lied so wicked They always break my bones They're snapped my fingers back Yet my furrowed brow rages on An abusive note, pinned to my chest with a rusting thumb tack Even at night, they never gone Now they nail my feet outstretched My knees broken still and tearing apart My gut is woefully wrenched The heart I had, pierced by a poison dart If I could click my heels Maybe I could go home And see how it feels To be safe and warm inside my dome But I stay stuck here Crucified all day, night, year and life The price of happiness is so dear Before it - comes this much strife Run Away Run away And never come back To your family and friends so dear Run away And never look back To their faces so streaked with tears Run away And never think back To the days when you lived so well Run away And never walk back To the place you once called home Run away And never speak back To those who ask you where you've been Run away And never utter your name To those who might place you back where you're not wanted Run away And never want to go back To that life where you were mocked and lived in fear Run away And never think anything of it To regain your sanity Run away And never worry again Reason I write because I can't feel anything otherwise I do it because I can show who I am That I'm not really one of the guys My thoughts and feelings come bursting from the dam I just write and write Pouring my everything onto the paper The stack now such a height But it's clear my writings are far from a cartoon caper Instead they're dark, down and deep Depressing they mostly are It is how I feel - let the blood seep as I sleep It hurts like I've been run over by a car I hope people can understand Why I write all of this Perhaps give me a hand And please don't dismiss I am always bleeding - my wrist sighs And I always capture it on paper As my torch shines in my eyes Love is a frequent theme - but this'll never make her see how I feel about her So I just write yet more And see if my therapy goes anywhere This freedom of expression I adore Or will I end up nowhere? Are My Words Meaningless? I'm shut down So I'm fucked up My head swirling under this thorny crown Sometimes I wish I could blow out my brain Lay effectively dead Trickle down the drain Washed away with vengeance From creators spread worldwide Who hold, over me, dominance I'm weak and jaded And I've lost all focus Feeling so much through which I have waded I can't stop feeling it all And I don't want it Should I be dead, robotic or just hit my head on a wall? Then maybe I can just get the hell out Of my horror stripping me bare from inside Making me scream and shout Why can't I just shrug it off? Or be left for dead so I die There's so much - it makes me choke and cough Loner I don't fit in A dangerous loner? Am I the one you should fear? Or am I the one who just wants her love? Everyone seems so plain And I'm observing and thinking of everything They all must be tranquilized Flying with those whore-like fairies I feel like the forgotten one Or at least totally misunderstood They all seem like grown up kids Doing grown up things with na�ve minds I'm their opposite Hiding away like scared child Yet evaluation it all so far ahead of my time Will I ever find my island? Pillow Room - The Enraging Pain of 9 to 5 Why the fuck am I here? Trapped with you lot Who all daze around and dribble Staggering like depressed chimps You are all sick in the head And I'm the one called strange! Why? You all make zero sense So just get the hell outta my face Crawl into a hole already and die! Never come back Leave me be amidst this shit So you can just escape like pussies Come back! I dare you! You heartless bunch God damn it I am fed up! Stressed out! Screaming, weeping! Eyes wide open and arms flailing! I just want to die Or just to live in a world of the dead So I can stand out and have my dream Of somewhere obsessed with me alone Not this straw grabbing hell hole Just get me out now! Never bring me back! Or I'll fucking crush you! My eyes are bursting with this pain! I can't stand the pressure Just help me now and quick! And The Happy Princess Fable (Living Lividly) Drop me out of a plane Without a parachute So I can die sharply On jagged rocks to stay sane It should all be unsafe To gain an accident You're to blame - why it will chafe For all my agony I want to leave responsibility And be kept But not caged Un-responsible freedom is how I want to be swept It's what I cry out for, yearn for You really need to do it Don't help You can't do it at all You and I are useless - we can't open the door In an even worse surround So for the love of God Dump it out the bloody door Into the sewer of our souls Leave everything to rot and decay in pain Take it from me and us as we dangle from our chain To live that happy Hollywood ever after None of us are happy enough We never will be - it's just tough All Day, All Night, All� Clenched your fists so tight That your knuckles turn white And agonize when you let go Writhing in your bed Sweating amidst your bomb shelled head Bed sheets strewn all around Streaming and gasping for air from the ground Cursing the heavens, the beginning Pounding your fists against your body, feeling is sinning In vain attempt to dislodge it Trying to cry To gain release and sigh But you're so tense you can't squeeze one drop! You feel like cutting yourself or ending it all Just so you don't have to stick around this stall To see what horrible pain follows that current You want to sink your head Down into the mud And inhale the murky waters that flow in circles You're so nervous, anxious and afraid That your stomach cramps up, your tether frayed Brow trickles, muscles contorted like crazy You can't even speak - everything's so hazy You feel as if gripping onto a mountain As avalanche ensues Ice picks piercing your eyes Fingernails being torn off And your blood staining the snow Your head aches Your eyes and mind, being unfocussed obscures what makes Your aims are shot You're nothing but a dot Too tired out Despite enough sleep But all of which is useless and hollow, never deep Hoping to swing from the gallows You want to give up Fall down Never get up Weep like a baby Get carted off to a padded cell And just cry, cry and cry You clench your eyes shut So tight you go blind for moments Your teeth grind and tut So hard they almost shatter But instead they just ache Adding to all the pain established, for God's sake This is it and this is what I feel This, is the power of love |