| April 9th 2002 Carpe Diem What have you done today? Did you say you were okay? Have you said what you appreciate? All of those you say are great Did you remember to say please? And say thank you with ease Will you remember all your helpers? Bold well wishes, not mutters Did you say to the girl, who sends you insane, I love you again and again? Will she ever know? How you feel and where you want to go You did all of the above except The final said task and concept Just those three words is all to say still The seeming mountain to climb, but really just a hill Watching From The Cradle What is your greatest fear? Is it falling from afar? Out of control and feeling your mouth ajar Is it monsters in your closet? Growling and scratching your mindset Is it dying without finishing? All those things menacing Is it crawly things? That what hardly sings Is it the outside world that screams? All those shattered dreams Or is it just figuring out how to survive another day - without casting a tear? Acting Like Columbo Doesn't Help Initially it works out Then things come crashing down Internally you feel different Surface seems fine though And then you meet her Laugh with her wit Wonder at her beauty Awe fills you when looking at her Yawning - a lonely past time of frequency Still, you've got the friendship with her All else aside unbeknownst to said wondrous girl Many may know minus her Yet you don't pluck the courage Shortly you want to and should do Thinking gets going and it's a hell of a thing Each possibility resides Reversing your dreams it seems Yawn some more - maybe you'll relax? Long, Stupid and Written When Needing Lots of Sleep Burning it into your brain Rhythmic and meandering sounds swirl In and around your skull May I have a crack at the question? For the love of God Under the heavenly stars Lying like this makes my back hurt in bed Like broken glass in my eyes On and off goes my torch that flickers Flowing nicely is my pen All these words mean no great message So many flow and spill out Here on this page Arranged as such Many cracked the code All of them not me Kettles whistling don't help Each word here is simple Slurred ramblings of sleeplessness Now I sound as if on crack Or at least heavily drunk So much trash is flowing strong Everyone gathers around no meaning New words evade my expression See how many see this as bizarre Every word's got an "E" it seems to me Too many words start with "E's" here Oh well - luck of the draw Might all this hide a message? Elongate your mind with thinking All things but drinking too much Till next time Adieu is what I will say Let me see if I can regain sanity soon Let me make some sense soon Wasted I talked a little about it And got some advice Of which I will take But I'm still all twisted inside I don't know what to do Easy to do what I do not want Hardest of all to do what I wish Caught 22 times in this mangle I'm coming off scary and obsessed Unintentional is all it is - hopelessly devoted In the light of this God-like figure I stand in awe and bumble my actions Why oh why must this trouble me so It burns my head with so much thought I'm feeling twice as troubled and perplexed Compared to last time so recent Sort this out for me As I am clearly incapable Of fixing my head and situation Maybe you can relieve this choking pressure Need Help me For the love of my sanity Fine me the lion's courage But I need no wizard key I need to be able to act Function right and form my words well So I might express it all inside Then maybe I can focus on other matters Maybe I won't change if I find courage Maybe I'll drown it in neuroses Allen-like panics Are all too common to me But there's no comedy here No amount of laughter roaring Could make me feel at ease Instead I'd turn it on myself somehow This is just a jumbled clump Damn it's tough to be this age 17 is not the age to be I fell sick Meandering Yearn I want to exorcise my mind Expel all dreams unattainable Cast aside my feelings Become a hermit maybe I like the darkness As it swallows whole Never fussing over its food It's somewhere that I can go with ease Accepted into its fold and mystery It's scary yeah, but not so much My unattainables give me more fear As this is burning all brides slowly When will it end? A nice, relaxing lobotomy would do Although it's not ideal At least I'd be shot of all this anyway Oh well I must meander along this winding path Maybe I'll come across something Some day, that'll make sense Book Number Two This is the end of journal two Is this sane to you? In such short time This has spilled out as slime I have written many things In this and prior book sings And I am about to progress onwards To a third of many to come forwards Watch this space These words are my long-living testimony I chase To myself, my life and all around me When will you finish it and just be? I'm sure I won't I'll continue to sit and write much more while you don't A thousand books will come and go Like sand in my hourglass timer so slow Days, weeks, months and years will float by And my hand will grow weak and sigh I'll be left-handed by my death no doubt All this and more to come - you'll see and shout |