| From February 6th 2002 to February 7th 2002 Trapped By Yourself Quick, be silent! They're coming! They're here! They can smell you They can taste you They want you They want to eat You hide away You sit quietly and wait They keep coming They'll never stop and leave you alone Quick, be silent! They're coming! They're here! Tearing down your door Charging towards your tired eyes Bearing down on you It's all over now Don't cry for yourself Don't die selfishly You are used and chewed Spat and it's finished Lost and Easy Target Amidst the world of leering faces Your are hunted and tracked For you are an easy target Lost and abandoned You did it to yourself Crashing around is your universe That never existed before Your pride sickens Surrounded, they close in on you Choking your breath Cutting off your lungs You suck at the last gasps Defeated and humiliated They chew you up and spit you out Like rotten meat Your are fucking useless and unwanted Wrapped in plastic You are disposed of still alive Suffocated by your own inadequacy You're just another one for the asphyxiated pile now Born, Bred and Beaten Hunted down like cheap meat They find you and get you and kill you But you're still alive and bruised Though not to them You are simply a vessel of flesh Useless and pathetic in what you do You tried but failed at everything you did You can't help but fail Weak and quivering you are kicked repeatedly Raped of all your virtues Decomposing before their eyes Flesh hanging and slathered on your bones You're been had once more A cheap toy, a plaything for the higher powers Scum! You are fucking hated You disgraced the land with your essence Flowery language cannot describe your utter pointless nature Destroyed and murdered by your own doing I cannot stop my disgusted pity I have for you You were born, bred and beaten You are me The Machine The world is sick It breeds in the hands of few Consuming us drones like flies do shit People are shit and you're people I guess there isn't much to say Each to his own But conformity is only ever around You suck and breathe in the only virtues left Greedily consuming like the flies No other gets to take in the little beauty We beat you down Took your body underground six feet We killed you We had trouble sleeping We couldn't go on But never for one day did we regret We had killed you, the supreme rank climber The seed of new evil and twisted, tormented trials Flattened, you now lay unmarked and plain The machine is dead Why Try Anymore or Ever? I can't help but think What it would be like to be with you Holding you and kissing you It clearly could not get anymore desperate Your face, body and soul a vision Purity awakes within you While disease infects my mind Unable to focus forever more You are intoxicating A beautiful virus I am infected and losing the battle To keep you out of my head I am trapped in my mind Unable to speak or express how I feel Demented demons keep me Locked in my own little straight jacket Padded existence forevermore I can't tell you how I feel I can only humiliate myself in my eyes It is simple - I am in love with impossibility Never Ever Caught up within my mind It is a deep and dark place A pool of perishable thought Exposed for too long and rotting My writing is becoming weak and erratic My thoughts never clearer I cannot go on living this lie you all see You don't understand me Cliched antagonism is this failure Half-an-hour of feuds with me I always thought I could win you over But really I didn't It is always hopeless to go on Hit by you You run away You're taunting me Someday I want to just spree Kill all with my heart, soul and passion for you I am ugly only You are all out of this league Never ever have I thought or felt this But it has soiled me dearly Costly to repair It is finished in a lie Bound and Gagged Bound and gagged I cannot move I cannot express I cannot feel Bound and gagged I am nothing I am tormented I am fake I don't need to be here bound and gagged But I think I do Please prove to me that I don't I cannot or will not stop this Bound and gagged I hurt I bleed I die, but not peacefully Bound and gagged I writhe I struggle I give up When I saw You When I saw you my heart began to beat I had never felt this at all before It was all new and dangerous to me You had freed my mind When I saw you my breath became short I could not inhale in comfort around you For I was always in pain to not be with you You had suffocated me When I saw you my eyes melted My sorrow for my plight was real This could never be And it never was When I saw you my movements became stumbled Twisted muscles Knotted thoughts Unable to control the pace When I saw you my life shut down And you were the only one around me All others a mere muffled noise in the distance It was just you and your beauty When I saw you my speech disappeared I was speechless for you are perfect In every aspect you cannot falter But I can falter and I did when I saw myself seeing you When I saw you for the last time I did not know How much it would pain me so To not be around you ever again It just happened Dry your Weary Eyes Dry your weary eyes for you are now here You are here with excess baggage You are here in love once again And it feels great You are alive You are sensing all those things you had done before You are breathing and thinking clearly again You are yourself once more Forever trying to impress You falter But you recover But stay quieter every time you trip Weeping dryly into the air It's not real All of it doesn't exist And you are just caught up in the middle Dry your weary eyes For this is not worth the pain If you can't have it you cannot have it And that is it plain and simple But advised before That you can achieve anything you want It seems ridiculously true But it will fail in practice For whenever you are around her you stumble constantly Or mangle your words and expressions You thought you were over her But you can't do that, no human can And now there is another girl that enters your vision She is new and unspoiled A perfect image in your tainted eye A ray of light in your otherwise gloom Dry your weary eyes Staying up all night thinking will not help But getting up in the morning and doing it won't help either For now you just sit on it and wait But what do you wait for? You wait for the end For the end of this madness you have fallen into The impossible world of that goal you strive for It cannot be done So why try harder, or try at all It is just best to sit and watch her and bottle your feelings inside But that and everything else is just madness This world and everything in and around it is madness You cannot do a thing about it So try and live through the ride For the end is somewhere The Light When you entered my life Despite the troubles and the strain The forever rolling emptiness that bred inside you And the horror that you faced at rejection It was still the most wonderful experience of my life It was glory and illuminated in one All my senses were heightened times by ten or twenty or more My heart was free of the vacuum it had been in For I had never loved someone before And although it ended in tragedy, for what it's worth, it was the best time of my life The light at the end of the tunnel was you You and you alone I was walking towards it and then jogging and then running I could not stop, I was a freight train without a brake But then I came back I had not hit the end of the rail where the light was I had not hit the jackpot I so sought with my last pound of strength I had been sucked back into this world where it was all over by some other force By some surgical master that held me on strings Puppet strings that kept you out of my reach But despite this I do not blame you And I do not even blame myself This happens to us all And it is better to have dived into it than never before in your life Because then you would not be human you would be cold as steel Unyielding and warped Inhuman humanoid That is not me for I have felt this That was your greatest gift to me and it stayed up to and beyond this day It was the most exhilarating roller coaster I had ever been through It ended in tragedy It ended in sorrow It ended so badly and painfully It ended so wrong But for the time it was right, it was and always will be perfect There is now and then and there is the then And it is then that I look towards For then is when I get to know you better without the messier implications And know you as a person It is better without the breakages and turmoil |