| DIAL "Z" for ZOMBIES Bart gives a book report in front of the class. Bart: From A-Apple to Z-Zebra, Baby's First Pop-up book is 26 pages of alphabetic adventure! Mrs.K: Bart, you mean to tell me you read a book intended for preschoolers? Bart: Well, most of it. Mrs. Krabappel orders him to find another book to review. In the school library, Bart is unimpressed with the latest `Where's Waldo' book (``Man, he's not trying anymore!'') He looks around and notices the Occult wing of the library. Bart: Gee, I never notice that before. Bart enters holding a candle chosen from a human skull. A volume flies out from the shelf, striking Bart on the head. Book: [Title: ``The Time Life Book of Magic and Spells, Vol.II'' Bart opens the book and four apparitions appear from the pages] Evil!...EVIL!...MADNESS!...Beware!...BEWARE! Bart: Cool! [slams book shut] Book: Oww!...OWWW!...oww!...OWWW! In Lisa's room, Bart eagerly reads from the book of magic while Lisa grieves over a photo of Snowball 1. Bart: Chapter 8; Let's talk zombies. If a zombie bites you, you'll become a zombie. You must walk the earth, feeding on the brains of the living until the spell is broken. Lisa: [annoyed] Bart, please. Don't you remember that Snowball 1 died four years ago tonight? Run over by the Mayor's beer-swilling brother, Clovis. Bart: Hey, maybe there's a spell in here that will bring her back from the dead? [Lisa stares as Bart flips through the pages] Let's see what we got. How to get your skeletons their whitest. Selling your soul in a buyers' market. Ahh, here we are: How to raise the dead. [laughs insanely; lightning flashes add to the effect] Late at night in the Pet Cemetery. A Full Moon and stiff breeze provide the right conditions. Bart wears a black cape and a Michael Jackson album cover as he recites the spell. Lisa anxiously stares at SB1's grave-mark. Bart: [raising a hand in air] Collin..Rayburn..Nars..Trebek! [lightning] [raising both hands] Zabars..Kresge..Caldor..Walmart! As the last syllable leaves his mouth, lightning strikes all the tombstones in the nearby Human Cemetery. Zombies appear. Lisa: [staring at SB1's grave-marker] It's not working. [sighs] [notices zombies] Bart! You cast the wrong spell -- ZOMBIES! Bart: Please Lis, they preferred to be called the `Living Impaired'. On the grounds of Springfield Elementary, Groundskeeper Willy pats down the dirt of a flowerbed with a shovel. (``There, pretty as a picture.'') Two Zombies rise from the ground and walk away, ruining his flowerbed. Willy repairs the damage. (``There, pretty as a picture.'') On their bicycles, Bart and Lisa ride with the wind as Zombies give chase. Zombies knock at Ned Flanders' front door. Ned: Well how'd strangers, what can I do you for? Zombies: BRAINS! BRAINS! BRAINS! Ned: Well Sue Dolkes, you rascal. [chuckle] I thought you were dead. Ned screams as the Zombies attack. At home in the Den, Bart and Lisa confess to Homer. Lisa: Dad, we did something very bad! Homer: [eating pork rinds, frowns] Did you wreck the car? Bart: Nooo! Homer: [frowns] Did you raise the dead? Lisa: Yesss! Homer: [more frowns] But the car's okay? Kids: Uh-huh. Homer: [relieved] All right then. Martin hears Principal Skinner's voice over the P.A. Skinner sits in his office with his back to us. Zombie Skinner: Martin Prince, report to my office at once... [turns around, revealing ghastly features] and bring that big juicy chess club brain of yours... [licking his lips] Mmmmm! Homer watches The Krusty the Klown Show as the rest of the family (including Maggie) board up the windows. Krusty stands before a large gift-wrapped box that is the first prize in the Krusty Sweepstakes. Krusty removes the ribbon and the Zombie Sideshow Mel pops out; dragging the screaming klown into the box. The studio broadcasts a `Technical Difficulties -- Please Stand By' card, but Krusty is soon back on the air. Zombie Krusty: To enter, send me your parents' brains. Or write "Parents' brains" on a three by five card, and send it to... Marge: [interrupting] Homer, did you barricade the door? Homer: Why? Oh, the Zombies.. No. [the back door collapses inward] Family: [seeing the zombies] Aaaaaaaagggggggh! Homer unselfishly offers himself to the Zombies to allow his family a chance to escape, but the Zombies ignore him because they can't find a brain. Homer finds the rest of the family huddled together in the master bedroom. Bart: I thought dabbling in the Black Arts would be good for a chuckle, how wrong I was. I should have never read that book. Lisa: Bart, maybe the library has another book that will reverse the spell? Marge: It's our only hope! Homer: [cocking a shotgun] To the book depository! Homer cautiously leads his family to the car parked outside, but is stopped by Ned Flanders. Zombie Flanders: Hey Simpson! I'm feeling a mite peckish. [maniacally] Mind if I chew your EAR? Homer wastes him. Bart: Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders! Homer: He was a Zombie!? In the car to school, Homer listens to the radio for any news. Radio: KZMB, All Zombie Radio. Grrrrrrrrrr! Meanwhile, a Flying Saucer hovers above the Earth. Alien1: The zombies have the Earthlings on the run. Alien2: Soon the human race will wither and fold. Like the Earth plums we've seen on the Observe-a-scope. Both Aliens laugh maniacally. Below, the Simpsons charge their way past a zombified Jimbo, Kearney and Dolph as the three give Zombie Skinner's head the boot (``Owww! Careful! Not the face!'') Homer leads as they bust through the entrance and storm down the school's corridor. Homer blows away a zombie Mrs. Krabappel and a few others before finding Barney chomping down on an arm. Homer: [shocked] Barney, not you too?! Barney: I'm not a Zombie, but hey, when in Rome... Barney notices a Zombie George Washington staggering about. Homer blows the dead President away, and the Zombie Albert Einstein, and Zombie William Shakespeare. Homer: Take that, Washington! Eat lead, Einstein! Show's over, Shakespeare! Will: [collapsing dramatically] Is this the end of Zombie Shakespeare? In the occult section of the library, Lisa watches anxiously as the Zombies smash their way into the room. Bart searches frantically for the right book. Bart: Kolchak..Mannix..Banacek..Dano! [Lisa turns into a snail] Lisa: What's wrong? Bart: I never realized what a beautiful young woman you've become. Lisa: Ahh. Bart: Trojan..Ramses..Magnum..Sheiks! Brilliant blue light bursts forth from the book, dispersing throughout Springfield. Fearing the enchanted light, the zombies return to their graves. Zombie1: See you in hell. Zombie2: Still pushing that boulder? Zombie1: Uh huh. Two John Smiths argue over a grave. In front of City Hall, Mayor Quimby addresses the crowd. Quimby: The, aw, Zombies that plagued our town are now just corpses rotting in our streets. Crowd: [cheers] At home, everything is back to normal. The Simpsons watch TV. Marge: Well, I'm sure glad we didn't turn into mindless zombies. Bart: [like a zombie] Shhhhh... T V. Homer: [like a zombie] MAN...FALL...DOWN...FUNNY! Family: [like a zombie] MMMMMM. |