Chapter 11
Nick lay on Britt’s bed, practically unmoving since they had retreated to her room. He could hear the sound of water and Britt’s voice singing incoherently from the shower. He glanced over at her nightstand, noting a picture of them together. It was at her parent’s house, out in the back yard sitting on the dock, they were facing each other, their lips so close that it appeared that they were about to kiss. It was one of the same pictures that he always carried with him on tour. The one she had was bigger, blown up and framed, where Nick carried a frame with 6 holes in it that contained all of his favorite pictures of them together, it had been a gift from Britt the first time she couldn’t go on tour. She had constantly updated it with a recent picture here and there. He continued to scan her room. He noticed things that he had given her, some expensive some not, and it made him think about what Jordan had said. Was he trying to buy her happiness to keep her with him?
Shaking the idea from his mind as he heard the shower cut off, he tried to make it appear that he hadn’t been crying. The bathroom door opened and Britt walked out with beads of waters still on her shoulders, her long hair, still wet combed straight almost touching her bottom. She was wrapped in a lavender towel. She took a spot next to him on the bed and handed him a bottle of her favorite lotion. Nick opened up the bottle as he sat up and she moved her legs where they crossed his chest and he began applying the lotion to her. He took notice of the bottle, they had bought it while they were shopping one day, the first time they were in Stockholm together when Nick and the guys were recording Millenium, it was her favorite and it was only sold (specially made for Britt) at that one place. Religiously, every time Nick was in Stockholm he went there and had them make a bunch her 2 different fragrances, Ambrosia Grapefruit and Pear Rose. Not thinking, Nick said, “I bought you this lotion.”
“I know Nicky, it is my favorite and I can’t get them anywhere,” Britt replied as she rubbed his hands that were now traveling up and down her calves.
“Maybe Jordan is right, maybe I do buy you everything to try to make you stay with me...hell, maybe that is the reason that you stay with me.”
“Nicky, its just lotion.”
Sitting up and removing her legs from his body, Nick ran a hand thru his spikey hair and said, “Its not just the lotion, I look around here and I see all of these things that I have given you, I can look at everything and remember when I bought it.”
“I think that is sweet,” Britt said.
“No Britt, its not sweet, its sick. See that Monet hanging up there,” Nick pointed to it and Britt nodded, “I bought that for you in Paris, the morning that I woke up in bed with that girl.”
“Nicky don’t do this,” Britt said as she reached out for her boyfriend, who was now in tears.
Pulling away and looking down at her wrist seeing the diamond tennis bracelet and playing with it in his fingertips, he said, “And this bracelet you always wear, I bought you that when I thought that you were going to let someone else take you to your junior prom when we first met. I told you it was for our 3 month anniversary.”
“It was for our anniversary, that is when you gave it to me.”
“But you don’t get what I am saying, every time I give you something there is a feeling tied to it, a reason that I buy a certain thing because it is how I feel at the time.”
Tears now filling her eyes, Britt said, “And I wouldn’t want it any other way. Lots of guys buy their girls things just to do it, but you actually put thought into it.” He tried to interrupt her but she covered his lips with his fingers and continued, “I will worry when you start buying me things that don’t come from you heart. Just so you know, I don’t feel like you buy me with your presents, if you think you do, then I am just as guilty because I always pick up things for you, you know that, we both have always bought each other lots of things. But, if you want to stop we can...neither of us will get things for each other anymore if you feel like it is a problem in our relationship.”
“I buy you things because I want to, because I miss you or just because I think you would like it. Are you sure I am not trying to buy you? I mean, I don’t want you to think that and its obvious Jordan does.”
“Don’t worry about what Jordan said, maybe she is just jealous that she has never had a guy do for her like you do for me. You do more than buy me things, you and I have seen a lot and done a lot together. And like I told both of you, I am not going to deny it Nicky, we have problems that we are going to have to work out on our own, and this isn’t one of them and I think that you know that. But right now, I don‘t want to talk about it, lets just finish up and hit the town. We will get to the icky stuff tonight.”
Nodding into her chest, Nick laid back down and finished putting lotion on her body. When he was finished, she got up and went into her walk in closet. Gazing at her across the room, Nick quietly spoke, “I love you Britty Beth, I always will.”
Smiling her famous smile, Britt replied, “I know you do Nicky, and I love you...I promise you that nothing can take that away from us.”
“I am worried about us, I don’t want to lose you,” Nick said as he tears starting forming in his eyes again.
“Believe me when I say this, we will get thru this, we always do...think about like this is just another thing that we need to work out, and we will. Trust me.”
Nick knew that the problem was just that...why couldn’t he let himself trust Britt being this far away from him. He wondered to himself how she could trust him after what he had done to her. He was finally starting to realize that he was the problem, and that hurt more than being away from Britt, this was all his fault and he knew he had to make it up to her.